- Feb 26, 2007
HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP HUP
Sorry for length, and the run-ons this took a few hours to get typed out, and quite a few edits for content and names. I should also mention I'm a first time poster so be gentle....or not, your call.
This is my story, I'll be starting at the beginning, which means my Ex'es, so you understand where I've been, and what I've experienced. Also I'm adding this note after having written the whole thing out. I would like to apologize in advance, as the story flows and as the hour grows later, my run-on sentences have gotten worse, and I seem to be typing the story as I would speak it. And before someone points it out I do find it amusing that my forum name and my typing style are at odds =)
I'm going to skip the stupid online/phone/text only "relationships" I've had. Suffice to say there were a few, as I was VERY shy in highschool, and still to this day struggle against it in some situations. The first legitimate relationship was with a girl I met through Everquest some 6 years ago. We talked alot, played together, and I thought she was the one, I went to visit twice, she came to visit once. Aside from being a bit hesitant when it came to physical intimacy (simple hand-holding and cuddling) things went really well, so when I had the opportunity to transfer through my job to a location that was just opening within about 15 minutes of her place, I took it. I moved from SW Ohio, to Phoenix AZ.....2k miles, and my job only payed $200 for "relocation fees". Within 3 months the people I trained for the new staff started getting my hours. The more I requested more hours the fewer I got. Long story short I had to move back to ohio with some family til I got finances sorted out. We broke up shortly after I got off the bus home. I realized after we hung up that she still had my class ring, which I had asked her to wear as kinda a corny form of oldschool symbolism or something, I don't really know. So while I was waiting for my bags which had ended up getting transferred to the wrong bus in littlerock to make their way back to me I pondered how to go about asking for it back. Bags arrive a few days later, the first pocket I open, my class ring falls out......she'd known we were going to break up before I left, and packed it for me. Not a big deal though, we ended on good terms, and are still FB friends to this day.
After this, were some awkward attempts at dating women near me, Eharmony, Plenty of Fish, etc.(Also a few attempts at dating coworkers and the like, to no avail) Then I meet someone through World of Warcraft....let's call her "Lucy" short for Lucipher, easier for me to remember that way. We got off to an excellent start. Chatting in ventrilo (Voice chat program) until all hours of the morning, followed by weeks of 200-300 texts a day covering any and all topics. Throughout this time I find out she has a boyfriend, I get slightly down because I get attached way too easy. I then find out he lives out of state, and basically ignores her....my hopes skyrocket, because as every Nice Guy knows, this means I'm next in line!! (Wrong) We proceed to be friends for around a year and 2 months or so, during the summer I came to visit "as a friend" we went to eat did stupid fun poo poo, she fell asleep in my hotel room bed watching a bad movie, then got a call and had to rush home as her BF had shown up out of the blue. Turns out her sister (who doesn't like me because I chose Lucy over her) had called Lucy's bf and let him know who she was hanging out with that whole week. This goes on and on and on, 1 year and 2 months of friendship later I Tell her I can't do it anymore, I had been putting her back together emotionally, and been feeding her attention on a constant basis for too long I was tired of being an emotional crutch. (THIS IS WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED FOR SURE)
We don't talk for 3-4 months, and I get an email from her telling me she's sorry she didn't realize how bad it had been for me, blah blah blah. I give it a few days of pondering...."Can I be just friends with her?" for some reason I decide I can. I message her, and within an hour of that message it's like old times, the good times like in the beginning. Everything goes well for a while, then we are celebrating a friends birthday up in Chicago. I'm drinking (I drink like a lightweight) and I make the mistake of putting my arm on the back of her chair while I'm leaning back in the chair. Apparently I was trying to stake my claim to her according to what she thought, so she gets mad and I'm shunned by the whole group the rest of the night. I pass out in my buddy's car on the way home, we get out at a rest stop to pee on out way back to northern Indiana where he and his fiance live. She says something else about it under her breath as I'm walking in, and in the bathroom I break a wall tile, and I believe my hand because I'm upset by the situation (You have to understand I'm the cuddly hopeless romantic "expects things to happen like they do in the movies" type of guy)
Don't hear much from her for a few weeks, and I know her birthday is coming up too, birthday comes, and no info, no invite. Next morning I get a picture message from her phone while pissing at like 5:30 am. It's her and a guy who we also played wow with making out on MY buddy's couch. I message back "Are we in high school or something?" "if thats your choice fine, but there's no need to throw it in my face" Responses I get back claims she has no idea what I'm talking about. I later find out my so-called friend had taken the pic from across the room, and sent it because he suspected me of fooling around with hIs fiance.
I hear nothing from any of them for a good long while, at some point after a few months a mutual friend on FB commented on a status of hers, and I somehow got sucked in again. This time, she is pregnant, and is only telling me, and it's "couch guy"'s kid... I'ma just call him couch actually. So it's Couch's kid. We become friends again, god knows why. She starts talking about moving to northern Indiana to live near Couch. Also mentions that couch's mom works at a school, and might be able to find her work. Then all of a sudden, she miscarries. She gets mad at the world and shuts down emotionally. We stop talking again.
Another month or so goes by and she contacts me this time, again apologizing for how she treated me, and some other things. So we're talking again, this time it's like fall of 2010. This time is way different. She has moved and now lives in northern Indiana.....with a roommate who happens to have the same first name(don't know her last name) as Couch's best friend from high school, and is working as a Student Aide for a Special Needs class....suspicious?? apparently not to me at the time. I'm barely getting any texts or phone calls, she has her FB locked down so no one can see basically anything including all her stalkers. Around christmas after having said something to her multiple times about how hard it is to be a supportive friend when being kept at a distance, I tell her I'm done for good. The next day she tells me she wants me to go out with her. The next 6 months go EXACTLY the same as the previous 3-4. The most time I get to talk to her about anything is when I tell her we're breaking up and then she calls me within 4-5 minutes of the text. She promises it'll be different, and that she'll try harder. By the next day I almost don't exist again. This goes on until June 28, 2011. I'm working 3rd shift (with alot of downtime) and I'm fed up, I write up an email longer than this post, explaining how unhappy I am with the situation. Also mention that I'm through and I'd be a complete moron if I ever took her back. Within 5 mins I'm depressed and wishing I was in a relationship again even though I can't really call it a relationship....in the 6 months we "dated" I didn't get to see her, we webcam chatted 1 time, and had maybe a total of 15 hours of talking on the phone (about 12 of which were post breakup attempt convos with us trying to reach some compromise where she talked to me) and maybe 50 total texts and about 5 emails.
So, with depression kicking in I revisit all of my dating site logins to see if anything's new there and I come across a really cute girl who played WoW and D&D and had alot of geeky stuff in common with me, who had "Winked" at me on the site (winked is the free version of letting someone know you're interested without paying for the site to message) Now I will admit from an outside perspective this may seem stalkerish, at the time I was worried it might appear that way too, but here's how it went down. I should mention she still claims it was very cute. I looked at her username, and realized it was formed partially around her inials and last name. I looked her up on FB and found like 30-40 in the area, but then I noticed one with the same profile pic as on the dating site. I clicked friend request and typed a message about how I saw her profile on the dating site and figured since it said she hadn't been online in months, that even if I messaged her there she might not get it, so I'd found her on FB. She accepted!! I then tried to convo her on FB (this was when the new friendslist and newsfeed thing was just starting and it was buggy, and FB chat was down for a while. I was getting anxious because I didn't want her to think I didn't want to talk to her, so while I waited I read her FB info and posts and all that, and did a double take when I saw her number...I debated it for about 10 minutes, then I did it. I texted her, I said "Hey it's me, from the site, Just wanted to let you know I DO wanna chat with you but FB chat is down, and I'm sorry if the texting thing is a little forward or seems too stalkerish, we can always wait for FB chat to be fixed if that is more comfortable" She responded and we hit it off amazingly, during this Lucy calls and is being her typical self, crying and saying she's sorry and she will try harder, I told her I deserved better and i wasn't dealing with her anymore, I hung up and that is the first time I ever actually deleted Lucy's number and email.
I'm going to call the current GF Zooey because she reminds me a bit of Zooey Deschanel in looks, and personality. So, Zooey and I trade texts back and forth, we both work 3rd shifts, so we texted all night. By the time 7am comes and my relief shows up, I have a date planned for 8am. I rush home, shower/change/scrub all the important bits an extra time or two. (I should mention at this point I am 27 and still have my V-card) So we go to Ihop, then a local gaming store, then just walk around the mall, stop in a little chinese shop with weaponry on the wall. She makes a joke about some Ninja shoes that have like the 2 big toes, asking "Is that Camel toe" it's then that I realize I want a 2nd date, and a 3rd becaue it killed me. So we head on to an electronics/computer store, then mack to the apartment to watch Suckerpunch which the roomie had rented on demand. A couple movies and much cuddling later my roomie texts saying everyone is on the way over for D&D night, she says she hasn't played in a while, runs home changes and takes a nap, comes back just as we're finishing the session, we lay down on the living room floor to watch another movie and almost immediately zonk out. Next morning, she runs home and pays rent and some other errands for 2-3 hours, comes back and we go out to a movie/dinner with some friends, then walk by the river not too far from my parent's place. We get back to the apt. making out, cuddling, more movies. I realize she's staring at me with this big smile on her face, I say "what?" she says "Nothing" I say "I know that look, I've made it myself....just say it." A few minutes of ribbing and joking later, she says the "L" word, and since I'd been thinking the same thing since that morning I said the same. The next morning she took my V-card (Not nearly as embarrassing as my shy little mind had me convinced it would be) We ended up getting the same schedules, so Friday mornings she would go home shower and change come straight over we'd alternate between video games, napping, cuddling, sexytime, and food (our food comas were the BOMB) This went on for months.
I know by this point that she's seperated from a husband of 4 years who she worked 2 jobs to put him through College, which was part of a plan where he then supported her with his career while she went to college. He ended up cheating on her, and basically as soon as he graduated he moved in with the other girl. She had to pay for the divorce, keeps all the debt and somehow he still got half the assets. So, she has an aparentment that reminds her of him, and she hates it, she moves to a smaller place, and rooms with her sister. Her sister is a pothead, who no can't seem to pay her half of the rent/bills. So Zooey is floundering for both of them, she finally ends up taking her name off the lease, and moving back into her mom's and in leu of rent, she babysits her youngest sister whenever possible. While this was happening I lost my job, and was driving around on borrowed gas money from family just to go out applying for jobs. So it was difficult to rationalize wasting that gas to go see her. We discussed it and decided it was best to just call this a financial speedbump. I recently found work, and as soon as I had the money I started trying to setup things we could do to see each other physically, but since she is basically tethered to the house by her little sis, all we can manage is playing WoW together a few times a week. I mentioned to her how burnt out I still am on the game (I have been taking a break from it for like 3 months now) And now she is upset because the only thing we can seemingly do together for "quality time" is something I don't like doing, But that i'm willing to do it for her. I keep trying to find compromises to make things work, but she has stated that she has other "Options" people who want to support her so she will never have to work again, and all this. My question is what do I do now? I'm going to mention because I've already had the advice to just break up with her, that I refuse to give up that easily. I refuse to let a great relationship end because of the decision of a stressed woman, based on a fight over a video game. So while I will consider all options, what I'm really looking for is any suggestions on ways of making ammends, or some sort of compromise to get us through this rough patch, because unlike any other relationship i've ever witnessed, we've never had a big arguement until this.
EDIT Forgot to give updates on Lucy's current situation. She didn't Miscarry, she didn't talk to me around the time the baby was born, she DOES live with the Couch's best friend, did get the job through his mother, and is now engaged to a guy I always referred to as "Stalker #3" AKA the guy who invited himself out to visit her, and assumed he was going to sleep in her bed....
Attempting to respond to everyone who legitimately offered legitimate input, or suggestions in one post.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang - Games and books are some of my favorite hobbies, I would have a hard time separating from either as I wouldn't know what to do with my time. I do appreciate the suggestions though, I have already started at a gym and am down about 1/4 of the weight I need to lose.
Masonity - While i understand your point about similar interests not necessarily making for compatibility the idea of "Severing ties" seems like quitting, like giving up....if every couple gave up based on their first rough patch, how would any relationship last? I guess i could have gone into more depth saying "She laughs at my jokes that even I think are dumb" and all the other random stuff that i feel makes us compatible, that would have made the post longer, but given no factual detail into the situation. The fact that we made it 6 months without a single fight and this one being the first makes me think giving up now would be petty and would seem like the "Easy" way out.
the jizz taxi - Taste in women is all about preferences, and what you personally like, I happen to like cute and nerdy. I'm not sure how I'm to change that.
Amarkov - as for "Choosing Lucy" Her sister played WoW in the same guild as us. Lucy and her sister had a disagreement, and Lucy's sister bit her, leaving a mark and breaking the skin. Somehow i ended up in the middle trying to settle the argument, and i sided with who i thought was saner at the time. In reference to the "breakup threats" it seemed like all she responded to was drama, and since I couldn't be physically near her I settled for being very involved in her life emoionally, and was kept up to date on the goings on in her life which made me feel a part of it, when she shut down and took that away I felt like I didn't know her anymore. The first breakup attempt was me actually trying to end it, when she got on the phone with me though in tears, i melted, and tried to fix things. Deleting Lucy's number was a big step for me, and no she did not resurface later, the only reason I know her current situation is a former mutual friend of ours decided me it was his job to let everyone know she was engaged a month or 2 ago via emails. I told him I was happy for her but that he should take me off that "mailing list" since I wasn't interested in causing anymore drama. In response to the "reason which I won't bother to elaborate on it is completely impossible for me to drive to see her" It's a bit complicated and i don't fully understand it myself but it revolves around her responsibilities at home. She lives with her mom, 2 younger sisters, step dad his 2 daughters and grand daughter. She watches her youngest sister instead of paying rent, which as i'm understanding it, takes up almost all of the time that she doesn't spend sleeping to prep for her 3rd shift job. I also don't know exactly where she lives, so that makes just up and visiting on a whim kind of difficult. Part of the difficulty also would be i also live with family now, so getting any time alone is practically impossible at the moment without going out and spending money which is why the job and income were terribly important. I hope that makes some sense, and I really appreciate all the time you put in both reading, comprehending and responding to my post
CabaretVoltaire - I can appreciate that, she has already expanded my musical, literary, and movie experiences beyond what i was accustomed to
Polo-Rican - Point made, touche
JackRabbitStorm - We actually met through a dating site, and she reactivated wow after a few weeks so we could play together. But after Lucy yes I decided long distance doesn't work and there is no chance of meeting someone both compatible, and close via a video game, and have stopped seeing that as an option.
Super Aggro Crag - She brought that up after a couple months of me "bugging her" trying to set up things for us to do other than wow, that apparently weren't possible because of the situation with her family
Aintain - I was very tired at the time of writing this, i was trying to be silly i guess? and the Ninja shoes thing, i do not know the actual product name, but the picture further down is actually what i was referencing yes.
Barehanded Brother - She is out of my life completely, the last time I heard anything from her directly was about 2 weeks into the relationship with Zooey, just after having changed my Relationship status, i got a text from a number i recognized as Lucy's. Apparently she had been trolling around on my FB, saw that and was upset by how quickly i'd gotten over her, she decided to send with that a picture of herself, Couch, and an anonymous baby, all looking like a super happy family. I never even responded to the message, and had started looking into how to block a specific number, but i never heard from her again. Never heard anything about her again until the former mutual friend mentioned above emailed me out of the blue. There are certain hobbies i'd like to pick up, but i don't think they'd be considered better than WoW necessarily, although they would get me out and about more.
Southern Vulcan - My career and life thus far has been all about dabbling, I've worked in almost any and every field you can work in without needing a degree, in order to find out what it is I truly like doing. I have done the same in each of my situations learning what i like and what i don't. I consider her to be exactly what i want and need in my life, ever since i've met her i've wanted nothing more than to improve myself. So i cut back on the video games when she and i weren't playing i was reading alot more (Almost back to the amount i did in High school) I started eating better (inbetween our food comas) I've never had a person in my life who made me want to improve myself, and broaden my horizons in any way, not even any friends that challenged me. So i may not be able to express it very well, but It's not just what we have in common that i love about her. For instance, she loves the Beatles, and has gotten me into them (i didn't dislike them, but i was mostly neutral towards them) the Aquabats, and tv shows like How i met your mother, and Big Bang Theory. Assorted books, and certain experiences i'd never have had without her. Hopefully i've better expressed what makes her special to me? Maybe...I don't know, it's difficult. But i do know when i look at her and she looks back, i feel special for once in my life, and i never want it to stop.
Dross - We had agreed to treat this as a speedbump, I'm just having a harder time dealing with the "distance" than she is.
binaisagnome - Cya tomorrow heh
Buzkashi - Correct those are the ones.
Abeya Minora - I do not remember honestly, I remember her affinity for the "vanity" pets/mounts/outfits. She was also fond of achievement points...aka Epeen. And I don't even remember his Char name and aside from him being crazy ex-military no i don't think there's any issues with him, in his mind i assume he thinks he won. I say good riddance.
TheWordOfTheDayIs - Hands are also hard to fix, in future i'll aim for pillows or drywall . In my defense though I had been drinking Makers and cokes, and i barely drank Smirnoff Ice's prior to this, so i barely remember doing it, and i don't even fully remember what i hear them say that set me off. I also think Amarkov's summarization was quite accurate, and made alot of good points.
Hope that's everyone