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Farbtoner
May 17, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Kickstarter is a fairly noble idea: aspiring creatives pitch their ideas to the internet, and people can invest their own money in exchange for varying levels of reward based on how much they pay. It's been used for great things like funding adventure gaming darling Tim Schafer, but by and larger it's a wasteland of stupid ideas and nerd pandering where people with zero qualifications and nothing more than a poorly-editied video pitch panhandle for money. With more and more legitimate businesses and creators jumping on the Kickstarter bandwagon, what better time to dig up all the awful crap that slips through the cracks?

B4U: Hipster Battle Game



A wise man once said: "A hipster is someone who likes something that I don't like, a sperglord is someone who doesn't like something that I like."

Nothing embodies this quite like Andy Erickson's Hipster Battle Game. A proud tabletop gaming enthusiast and owner of "independent web concept and design company" Eloquent Zombie he has the stones to call out people who, er...wear cowboy hats? Skinny jeans? Glasses? Erickson is a brave voice of reason willing to call out any vaguely popular fashion trend from the past decade.



Bonobo Chat has sadly expired without meeting its goal, so your dreams of monkeys with iPads has sadly been dashed upon the rocks.



Penny arcades and peep shows may be dead but a young entrepreneur wants to bring back "old time 3d burlesque" now that he's single-handedly saved the handlebar mustache.



Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett may have won $42 million from the lottery but that's not going to stop him from getting other people to pay for his dream MMO! Your World promises the MMO experience that gamers want: namely, hooker bots.

So Goons, what other laughable projects have you seen on Kickstarter?

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Douche Bag
Sep 14, 2011

Meeya?


Farbtoner posted:



Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett may have won $42 million from the lottery but that's not going to stop him from getting other people to pay for his dream MMO! Your World promises the MMO experience that gamers want: namely, hooker bots.

So Goons, what other laughable projects have you seen on Kickstarter?

Wasn't there a thread about this guy? Anyone have a link?

Dickeye
Oct 12, 2007

"I never thought you'd be the one to help me achieve my dreams!"

Most Improved CD Poster Custom Title Award, 2007 to present.


Our forum's own Zorak has thrown around the idea of making a kickstarter to make and eat a sandwich just to see if people'd throw money at any old poo poo.

Guavanaut
Nov 27, 2009


Douche Bag posted:

Wasn't there a thread about this guy? Anyone have a link?
This one?
Just over a week left for funding. Just over 2% funded.

Absolute Lithops
Aug 28, 2011

After one long season
of waiting, after one
long season of wanting


The F Plus podcast did a whole episode about awful kickstarters.

NoneSuch
Jun 5, 2010

oh not this time.
your act of being the
goodguy is over


Guavanaut posted:

This one?
Just over a week left for funding. Just over 2% funded.

That's still alot of money for people to donate to some random bloke who has no developing experience or possible chance of making a game. I admit I'm not a huge fan of kickstarters, I think it's a really good idea to help small developers get a project off the ground but there's just going to be an awful lot of sore people when all these projects they've donated to don't turn out well.

NoneSuch fucked around with this message at Apr 26, 2012 around 02:37

Bieeardo
Aug 21, 2000

Someone bold, someone blue, someone borrowed, someone new...


I can't remember the title, but it was a generic JRPG that was going to be 'old school' according to the Platonic nerd addressing the prompter, with no explanation given for what 'old school' might have meant.

I expect it's made millions by now.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009

Share food?


gently caress you, Bonobo Chat would have been incredible.

Farbtoner
May 17, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Bieeardo posted:

I can't remember the title, but it was a generic JRPG that was going to be 'old school' according to the Platonic nerd addressing the prompter, with no explanation given for what 'old school' might have meant.

I expect it's made millions by now.

I don't know about that, but I do know of Thera: a computer game of the bullet hell genre

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_rSSOFRviE

Zellus
Apr 3, 2010

Incompetence surrounds me!


Echoes of Eternia is a game made entirely in RPG Maker VX, and the creator is asking for $10,000 to complete it. Pledging $200 will allow you to design your own character, pledging $225 will allow you to voice your created character, and pledging $400 or higher will allow you to design an in-game shrine dedicated to yourself.

It currently has 847 backers pledging $27,028.

text editor
Jan 8, 2007



Zellus posted:

Echoes of Eternia is a game made entirely in RPG Maker VX, and the creator is asking for $10,000 to complete it. Pledging $200 will allow you to design your own character, pledging $225 will allow you to voice your created character, and pledging $400 or higher will allow you to design an in-game shrine dedicated to yourself.

It currently has 847 backers pledging $27,028.

This looks like some kind of stolen franchise or something - is this original is is he re-appropriating some other videogame series?

Dead Inside Darwin
Jun 19, 2011

The cat problem in the park is Malthusian in scope.

Farbtoner posted:




Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett may have won $42 million from the lottery but that's not going to stop him from getting other people to pay for his dream MMO! Your World promises the MMO experience that gamers want: namely, hooker bots.

I hate this guy. I hate this guy just so much. Everything about him is just the worst

* His smarmy face
* He won the lottery in my state, whereas I have not
* He invested in a loving NEW AGE SHITGOODS SHOP where he used to work. Because that's what he was doing before. He worked at a new age shop.
* His ideas on the Kickstarter are 99% horrible

I am too mad at a fat gently caress I will never, ever meet, because my jealousy knows no bounds.

edit: He's wearing an upside down cross. He would probably give the smug story of why there are upside down crosses and while they're not actually offensive all the while being smug and fat and stupid.

Dead Inside Darwin fucked around with this message at Apr 26, 2012 around 02:57

thiscommercialsucks
Jun 13, 2009

by T. Mascis


text editor posted:

This looks like some kind of stolen franchise or something - is this original is is he re-appropriating some other videogame series?

The latter. The name is slightly different than some other game (something of Eternia) and the art style is the same. The whole thing is retarded.

gradenko_2000
Oct 5, 2010

Some missions, you just can't get rid of a bomb

I can't remember the title, but there was a Kickstarter for this RPG whose only point was to push the LGBT agenda, and they had nothing to show for it except a bunch of concept art, then the developer raged out at Double Fine because of all the support they were making compared to the noble gesture of their own game.

Snoop Rocket
Aug 6, 2011



Farbtoner posted:

I don't know about that, but I do know of Thera: a computer game of the bullet hell genre


Oh my lord, that is painful.

quote:

Music just makes you want to sit in a dark corner

DrinkMoreBeer
Jan 23, 2006



How exactly does pledging to these people work? A pledge isn't normally handing over money straightaway, so if you do pretend to give them money is it taken from you immediately or not until the project is actually completed?

Raere
Dec 13, 2007



gradenko_2000 posted:

I can't remember the title, but there was a Kickstarter for this RPG whose only point was to push the LGBT agenda, and they had nothing to show for it except a bunch of concept art, then the developer raged out at Double Fine because of all the support they were making compared to the noble gesture of their own game.

What's wrong with a game with the only point of pushing the agenda of a minority? There are lots of edutainment games.

The Ron Paul game is particularly horrible. As the SA article shows, there is nothing at all original in it, and the guy got over 10k to make it.

Dead Inside Darwin
Jun 19, 2011

The cat problem in the park is Malthusian in scope.

Snoop Rocket posted:

Oh my lord, that is painful.

Holy poo poo the video. Let me find my wallet.

The music is just...just incredible.

Rocketlex
Oct 21, 2008

The Manliest Knight
in Caketown


DrinkMoreBeer posted:

How exactly does pledging to these people work? A pledge isn't normally handing over money straightaway, so if you do pretend to give them money is it taken from you immediately or not until the project is actually completed?

The money isn't taken unless the funding goal is reached. After that, though, I believe it's all good faith.

Farbtoner
May 17, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


gradenko_2000 posted:

I can't remember the title, but there was a Kickstarter for this RPG whose only point was to push the LGBT agenda, and they had nothing to show for it except a bunch of concept art, then the developer raged out at Double Fine because of all the support they were making compared to the noble gesture of their own game.

The Arkh Project, which failed because The Man was conspiring to keep queer people of color down and not because it's being run by someone with zero experience making games and nothing but some vague promises and commissioned concept art to back it up.

Raere posted:

What's wrong with a game with the only point of pushing the agenda of a minority? There are lots of edutainment games.

It's not so much that a person is trying to make a game with a message as it is that they've written pages and pages of backstory for their Mary Sue characters and then for the actual gameplay there's two sentences about how it's a linear action-RPG. It's a classic case of an "idea person" trying to get their totally yooneek game idea made by other people.

Farbtoner fucked around with this message at Apr 26, 2012 around 03:07

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

The Year Is 2053. Basketball Is Dead.


Farbtoner posted:



why does this man look like a pufferfish

jojoinnit
Dec 13, 2010

I failed the Digg Button Challenge™

Noones linked to Political Cartoons thread darling Ted Rall, who created a Kickstarter for people to give him money to travel the world talking to Neo-Maoists and Arab Spring Revolutionaries?

I'd find it myself but I'm posting from my phone.

gradenko_2000
Oct 5, 2010

Some missions, you just can't get rid of a bomb

Raere posted:

What's wrong with a game with the only point of pushing the agenda of a minority? There are lots of edutainment games.

The Ron Paul game is particularly horrible. As the SA article shows, there is nothing at all original in it, and the guy got over 10k to make it.

I guess I worded it a little aggressively/incorrectly. The failure part of the project was it being lead by someone with about as much game design experience as Ellwood Bartlett (and maybe just slightly less ambition).

WickedIcon
Jan 3, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Raere posted:

What's wrong with a game with the only point of pushing the agenda of a minority? There are lots of edutainment games.

The Arkh Project honestly makes me feel really loving dirty thinking about it because of how horrible of a person its creator is. Not only is the thing itself a scam, but the impression I've been getting is that if you aren't a transgendered person of color (and only specific ethnicities at that) who acts a specific way, the creator of Arkh Project actively hates you and hopes you die a horrible, painful death. He is an incredibly lovely and hateful person and likely a thief on top of that.

e: The impression I'm getting is based on his various tumblr accounts, notably "poo poo White People Say". The fandom lunacy thread in PYF covered him for a few pages and gave light to a lot of really horrible stuff about him.

Pollyanna
Mar 5, 2005

兄のハウスを調べろ


I think you could base an entire thread on how horrible the Arkh Project and its creators were.

edit: Yeah, what WickedIcon said. There's a lot of indignant rage against pretty much anyone else flowing throughout the whole thing. Imagine the complete opposite of a white supremacist, except not so much for the "violent angry shithead" part.

Super Waffle
Sep 25, 2007

I'm a hermaphrodite and my parents (40K nerds) named me Slaanesh, THANKS MOM

DrinkMoreBeer posted:

How exactly does pledging to these people work? A pledge isn't normally handing over money straightaway, so if you do pretend to give them money is it taken from you immediately or not until the project is actually completed?

Kickstarter holds the money in escrow until the funding deadline. If the prject reached its goal, the money is handed over to the guy running the project minus 5% fee. If the goal isn't reached by the deadline, everyone gets their money back.

jonjonaug
Mar 26, 2010

Super Strong


Dickeye posted:

Our forum's own Zorak has thrown around the idea of making a kickstarter to make and eat a sandwich just to see if people'd throw money at any old poo poo.

He did submit that. It got rejected.

my bitter bi rival
Mar 21, 2011


- All of them

Pick
Jul 19, 2009

Share food?


nightwheat stalker posted:

- All of them

Cucumber Quest is great .

Genderfluid
Jun 18, 2009

my mom is a slut

Start a kickstarter to bring back archives search

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Your words are as empty as your cereal bowl. I am the Vanguard of your Hanzo steel's destruction. This exchange is over...


nightwheat stalker posted:

- All of them

Counter-point: Cheese Maps

my bitter bi rival
Mar 21, 2011


Cthulu Carl posted:

Counter-point: Cheese Maps

$2500 given to someone for them to layer mask pictures of cheese over vectors of countries. The future is now

MegaGatts
Dec 12, 2004


Farbtoner posted:




Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett may have won $42 million from the lottery but that's not going to stop him from getting other people to pay for his dream MMO! Your World promises the MMO experience that gamers want: namely, hooker bots.

So Goons, what other laughable projects have you seen on Kickstarter?

I'm not sure this has been pointed out, but most of that kickstarter is from two 10,000 donations. We know he won the lotto so I'm assuming that he bought those himself in order to make it seem like it isn't just some lovely fever dream created by too much pot and Digiorno's.

Cthulu Carl
Apr 16, 2006

Your words are as empty as your cereal bowl. I am the Vanguard of your Hanzo steel's destruction. This exchange is over...


nightwheat stalker posted:

$2500 given to someone for them to layer mask pictures of cheese over vectors of countries. The future is now

I actually almost contributed to that, which is how I knew about it.

There's just something so delightfully absurd about a Norwegian lady taking high-res pictures of cheese to layer with maps. The kind of lunacy that should be encouraged more in society.

I guess it's a good thing I'm broke at the moment - maybe I'll buy one when/if she starts churning them out.

One who is Rad
Mar 30, 2010


Farbtoner posted:

I don't know about that, but I do know of Thera: a computer game of the bullet hell genre

This person needs to team up with the Demon Rush guy.

Frog
May 25, 2006
Ribbit

Farbtoner posted:

Ellwood "Bunky" Bartlett may have won $42 million from the lottery but that's not going to stop him from getting other people to pay for his dream MMO! Your World promises the MMO experience that gamers want: namely, hooker bots.

The first sentence on his kickstarter page:

quote:

A MMORPG Game built by gamer's, for gamer's and funded by gamer's.

The man doesn't know when to use a loving apostrophe and he plans to make his own game with other people's money. If he can get money using this site, I guess anyone can.

Y Kant Ozma Post
Jun 7, 2001

show, pro-heart, that you have got gall!


nightwheat stalker posted:

- All of them

I asked about the viability of a "Make Phantasmagoria 3" kickstarter but no one ever wants to fund cool videogames.

gently caress this place.

Juanito
Jan 20, 2004

I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?


Frog posted:

The first sentence on his kickstarter page:


The man doesn't know when to use a loving apostrophe and he plans to make his own game with other people's money. If he can get money using this site, I guess anyone can.
He has a hard time with the word vendor as well.

quote:

Reward #1, 3, 4 & 5. Access to a special weapons vedor no one else will have access to.

quote:

Reward #1, 3, 4, 5, 6. Access to a special armor venor no one else will have access to.

El Estrago Bonito
Dec 17, 2010

Scout Finch Bitch


Hey, I'm all for people funding RPG Maker games. There are some games made in RPG Maker that are legitimately good videogames and I always felt bad not paying for them.

The main problem they suffer from is not having a person to do art assets for them. Characters are pretty easy to make, but things like maps and faces for text boxes are difficult and require a meager amount of skill. Still you could probably make custom assets for a game like Dues Card (a game I did some work on), Aurora Wing or Dark Energy and come away with a very good JRPG.

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Rebel Blob
Mar 1, 2008

Extinction for our time

How about a Brony documentary? Before you throw your money at this project, check out some of the reward tiers! At $50 the creator will call you up and sing the My Little Pony themesong to you. Better yet at $250 he will write personalized My Little Pony fanfiction. Given the tone of the project and the rewards, I'm afraid that the interview in the video isn't meant to be pathetic.

By the way, you can't talk about The Arkh Project and not have this gem.

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