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My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 months now, she is absolutely amazing and everything I could possibly ask for. Before her I was single for 1yr 4mos, due to me breaking it off with my now ex girlfriend because the relationship was very toxic. We were together for about 5 months, off and on. After the breakup she moved got into a new relationship very soon after, but we still stayed in touch as friends. It seemed like she moved on, just very quickly. I mostly offered her advice on how to handle her new boyfriend. Looking back, this was a horrible idea. We communicated off and on until about 6 months ago when I realized she was still very toxic to my life and I started ignoring everything she sent me. I thought everything was great, as I was ready to move on and found a great new girl. For the past 4 months we have been incredibly happy, more than I've ever been in a relationship, without a doubt. Three weeks ago I received a Facebook message from my ex, which only reminded me I needed to block her on Facebook, so I did. I didn't read the message and completely forgot about it 10 minutes later. On Monday I received an email from my ex girlfriend, saying things like "I know you still love me, and we can work this out". At the same time, she messaged my current girlfriend on Facebook, calling her a bitch and blaming her for the reason I no longer speak to her. I blew up at my ex in an email reply, telling her to never contact me or my girlfriend again. A few hours later I received another email, this time going into detail about things that happened in the relationship, and how I promised I would be there for her but now I'm not because I have a new girlfriend. I blew up at her again, threatening her with a restraining order if she did not stop harassing us. (My girlfriend closed her facebook because she was still being harassed by her on multiple fake accounts). My girlfriend and I talked about it on Monday night after I got home from work, and it seemed like the threat of the restraining order stopped my ex for the moment. Nothing happened on Tuesday, and I put it all out of my mind as being over. On Wednesday I received a third email, this time going into fine detail about different moments in our relationship. Such as things like how I would kiss her goodnight, finishing with "When you two don't work out, come talk to me". I marked it as spam and never responded. I told my girlfriend on Wednesday night that she sent me the email, and we talked about it, me expressing my frustration and anger toward my ex. Since Wednesday, I have not been able to clear my mind of my ex and the situation. It seems like my mind is polluted with these thoughts and memories of the past that I got over a long time ago. It especially affects me when I am thinking of my girlfriend, or cuddling, or just being around her. All I can think about when I think of my girlfriend is my ex. They are not good thoughts, I don't miss the relationship at all, they are just very pervasive. I can almost here her name being repeated in my head. Luckily I have not heard anything from my ex since Wednesday, although any time my phone lights up with a new email I dread opening it because I really don't want to see anything more from her. I really don't know what to do about this. The past 4 months with my girlfriend have been amazing, during which I didn't think of my ex one time until this past week. The only thing that gives me hope is that Thursday was much worse in regards to thinking about her than Friday was, although as soon as I met up with my girlfriend tonight all of the bad thoughts returned instantly. I just want these thoughts to be gone, because I can tell its affecting my current relationship and my mood.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 09:39 |
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| # ? May 24, 2013 12:53 |
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You're annoyed and preoccupied because something annoying has happened. Stop dwelling on it and you will forget about it with time. In the mean time, set up a filter to automatically delete her emails so you don't need to worry about getting any more. At the end of the day, they are only emails and Facebook messages. They can't get to you unless you let them because you are not forced to even deal with them. Just delete and forget about.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 10:10 |
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Man you sure hold a huge amount of seething anger over a typical lovely old relationship that should have been put down a while ago. If you can't be a normal dude and enjoy your new relationship with a nice girl, go get help.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 10:54 |
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Auto respond with pictures of you and your girlfriend making out and have your girlfriend do the same. It's god drat genius I say.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 11:03 |
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You should stop replying to her. Ever. Don't even block her on facebook. Don't close your facebook. Just don't reply/read the messages. Have complete indifference. By flipping out you're only giving her what she wants. You've kind of messed up already, but from this point just don't respond or do anything and she'll eventually lose interest/give up.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 11:59 |
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bunnybean posted:Auto respond with pictures of you and your girlfriend making out and have your girlfriend do the same. It's god drat genius I say. Hell yeah! The ex is setting herself up for some punishment really. I'd add that bitch back onto my facebook and then use all of the powers of Facebook to flaunt the current relationship. Check in notices, frequent relationiship status changes between in a relationship, engaged, and married to <current girlfriend>, pictures..and just the most sickeningly sweet status updates about my girlfriend.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 12:19 |
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I hate my friends that do that status update poo poo about everything they do as a couple. So yeah, if you want to make her mad you can do that. Then again if you really want to piss her off, just do like was suggested and ignore her completely with auto filters.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 14:06 |
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You care about your ex, and have unresolved feelings towards her. I'm not saying you're secretly in love with her or something. But if there weren't something unresolved and if she was not an important person in your mind, your responses would have been much different. You wouldn't have blown up at her for insulting your girlfriend, you wouldn't be reading the emails she sent, and you certainly wouldn't be thinking about her at all once she stopped harassing your girlfriend. What you should do is just immediately block all contact from her, to the best of your ability. But what you're actually doing is doing a full reading of the emails she sends you, and unless you think about why you're doing that you will join the legion of OPs who ignore necessary advice.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 15:07 |
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You can use meditation techniques, focus on your breathing and senses while letting go of other thoughts, to try to clear your mind when these thoughts pop up.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 15:28 |
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The best thing you can do is block her in every way, don't respond, and try not to give her much thought. Whenever she enters your thoughts, force yourself to think of something else or get up and do something. Remind yourself why you enjoy being with your current girlfriend so much. Toxic ex's are wretched. Don't give her any attention.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 15:30 |
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It's important that you never again reply to another email your ex sends you. If you use GMail as your mail host, here's a neat trick that will allow emails to come in from someone but you will never see them. Set up a filter that takes messages from an email address of your choosing, marks them as read, and then either immediately sends them to archive or Deleted Items. They won't buzz your phone. If you use a different email service, let us know and we can show you the best way to prevent emails from a sender making it to your eyeballs.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 15:48 |
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I think you can easily combine the two... the first step is ignoring her completely in every way possible. Do block her over email so she goes straight into spam or the trash. Don't ever speak to her again, it's pretty simple. But I also think if you occasionally made a cute status update about good things happening with your new gal it wouldn't be amiss. Just don't go crazy overboard with it. Once your ex burns out her impotent rage she'll realize that you're not into her and that she has no chance. Unless she's crazy, and that's why blocking her is an awesome idea. Some girls, and I'm thinking your ex is one of those girls, really like creating drama. It seems to be a trend that bitchy, toxic girlfriends are okay breaking off a relationship until their ex gets a new girlfriend. And then because someone else wants their ex-boyfriend, he's suddenly hot property and they get it into their head that it's some weird contest and they need to show that new girl they can take him back. I don't honestly think she cares about you, but I do think she cares about loving with your new girlfriend as much as possible.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 16:14 |
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:Some girls, and I'm thinking your ex is one of those girls, really like creating drama. It seems to be a trend that bitchy, toxic girlfriends are okay breaking off a relationship until their ex gets a new girlfriend. And then because someone else wants their ex-boyfriend, he's suddenly hot property and they get it into their head that it's some weird contest and they need to show that new girl they can take him back. I don't honestly think she cares about you, but I do think she cares about loving with your new girlfriend as much as possible. The misogyny here is pretty lovely, man. Just so you know, I've dated men like this before too. It's not just women. People in general want what they can't have. OP, please don't do things to "get back at her" because it's petty bullshit. Just block her. Tell your girlfriend to undelete her facebook and to make it so only friends can message her and only friends of friends can add her or see her in search. She won't get harassed any more. That's not a good reason to delete facebook unless she really wanted to.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 16:51 |
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car dance posted:The misogyny here is pretty lovely, man. Just so you know, I've dated men like this before too. It's not just women. People in general want what they can't have. I'm a girl. I was speaking from experience because I've been in a situation like the OPs where I was the new girlfriend and the ex was being a crazy possessive bitch once she realized that he was happy and she wasn't. I didn't mean to imply that only women get to do crazy poo poo like that, I know for a fact that some guys are the same way. Crazy is sexless. I was just speaking specifically to the situation, if the OP was a lady and the sexes were reversed I'd have said "Some guys really like creating drama."
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 17:31 |
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You have all the ingredients for a grudge-gently caress threesome that would make WWE Smackdown look like a historical society teaparty. Seriously though, the best decision of my life was NOT unblocking my ex from Facebook after I made the mistake of meeting her up for dinner over a year after we had been broken up and had no contact between eachother to that point. I'm not saying some exes can't be friends, but many are just coming off of another failed relationship looking to gain something from you, whether it's sex or comfort or validation or maybe to revisit the dead relationship to see if it can be revived without going on a brains-eating-rampage. At first it was nice talking to her with the prospect of maintaining that connection, so at least all those years together wouldn't be a total waste, but as we kept talking during dinner, it was clear she was hurt by her coke addict furniture salesman boyfriend who got sick of her. Most of the time exes are just trying to manipulate you. Leave them alone.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 17:44 |
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:I'm a girl. I was speaking from experience because I've been in a situation like the OPs where I was the new girlfriend and the ex was being a crazy possessive bitch once she realized that he was happy and she wasn't. Sorry I thought you were a dude. It's a stereotype that women are crazy bitches so when I read what you wrote it sounded like that's what you were saying. I'm sure you can see why. That's why I tend to go for gender neutral statements when talking about crazy fuckers.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 18:13 |
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Stop engaging her you goof balls, also chill your pills, relax.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 19:57 |
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I've been in a similar position to the OP's girlfriend and in my opinion he's doing as much as he can for now. If the drama starts to get to your girlfriend, try to strike a balance between not getting drawn into acting out against your ex and not defending her. You have to keep your cool emotionally but if your girlfriend feels victimised let her know you're a team and you're on her side.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 21:52 |
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Her messages aren't the problem, your reaction is. Chill out and ignore her.
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| # ? Apr 28, 2012 22:23 |
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pctD posted:
This seems quite an extreme reaction to what's happening. You probably wouldn't be having these feelings if you'd made a clean break with her in the past. Too late now. Block her means of contact with you, and you'll be fine.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 00:32 |
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It sucks that your ex is crazy, but yeah, it sounds like you're hung up on her. It's telling that you didn't mention how your current girlfriend is feeling about this at all. Get your poo poo together for her sake.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 01:10 |
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pctD posted:I just want these thoughts to be gone, because I can tell its affecting my current relationship and my mood. Tell your teacher, or go straight to your principal and report this. This isn't like back in my youth, it is against the law to harrass kids now. So save all your messages, go to Mr Figgin's office during lunch time, and show him what's been happening. If you need take Counselor Pillsbury as support. Whatever you do, don't reply or act out in any way, your school surely has a hands-off policy. Be safe. Remember the teachers and principal are there to protect you.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 02:11 |
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It'll pass as long as you don't keep contact with her. Ride it out.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 02:47 |
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JibbaJabberwocky posted:I'm a girl. I was speaking from experience because I've been in a situation like the OPs where I was the new girlfriend and the ex was being a crazy possessive bitch once she realized that he was happy and she wasn't. Then why didn't you just say "some people like creating drama"? Sounds like backpedaling to me. Some people are crazy, don't reduce it to "girls do this" and "guys do that" after the fact. "Bitchy toxic girlfriends",  car dance posted:Sorry I thought you were a dude. A girl can still be misogynistic. Trillian posted:It sucks that your ex is crazy, but yeah, it sounds like you're hung up on her. It's telling that you didn't mention how your current girlfriend is feeling about this at all. Get your poo poo together for her sake. This is kinda what I wanted to post. Your ex is your ex for a reason, either totally ignore her or do something about it. Your poor girlfriend shouldn't have had to delete her Facebook because your ex is hung up on you.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 03:51 |
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TemetNosceXVIcubus posted:Tell your teacher, or go straight to your principal and report this. This isn't like back in my youth, it is against the law to harrass kids now. So save all your messages, go to Mr Figgin's office during lunch time, and show him what's been happening. If you need take Counselor Pillsbury as support. I would wait an extra five minutes and text while your girlfriend talks to your bro's gf and the ac cools down. Tear out like usual knowing she is waiting for the bus. Don't look back man, don't look back. Trash the scented candle or give it to your sister. When you help Dad clean the poo poo out of the pool you know he'll be proud. Do your frosted tips together so you don't waste the whole package. Also don't message people back not to message you, Christ.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 04:19 |
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Aintain posted:A girl can still be misogynistic. Trust me, I know her comments are misogynistic. I just don't like misgendering people especially since I'm a woman too and it happens all too often to me on the forums.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 04:23 |
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I will say that I have used the suggestion of texting pictures of the new missus and I making out to an ex, but it was petty as hell and probably wasn't necessary even though the ex was being a flaming rear end in a top hat. Felt drat good though.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 04:33 |
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car dance posted:Trust me, I know her comments are misogynistic. I just don't like misgendering people especially since I'm a woman too and it happens all too often to me on the forums. Oh, I'm sorry. I understand, it happens to me, too. I misunderstood and thought you were saying "oh, you're a girl, nevermind, then." Her comments are offensive and despite her obvious backpedaling are ridiculous. If your intention is to say "people" then don't delve into "women do this" and "men do that", etc. And don't try to explain it as "well the OP's example .." Sorry, car dance.  Dr 14 INCH DICK Md posted:I will say that I have used the suggestion of texting pictures of the new missus and I making out to an ex, but it was petty as hell and probably wasn't necessary even though the ex was being a flaming rear end in a top hat. I can sort of understand this. In the OP's case, either throw it in her face completely to make her gently caress off or just completely ignore it. I feel really bad for your girlfriend, especially since she deleted her profile to avoid the harassment. Your ex is nuts.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 04:33 |
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Stop responding to her you moron.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 05:05 |
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car dance posted:The misogyny here is pretty lovely, man. car dance posted:Sorry I thought you were a dude. Aintain posted:A girl can still be misogynistic. car dance posted:Trust me, I know Aintain posted:Oh, I'm sorry. I understand, it happens to me, too. Sorry, did I stumble into a competition to see who can get offended the easiest and then apologize the most? Because you're both doing really well. I particularly like how car dance managed to fly the anti-sexism banner while simultaneously making assumptions about a poster's sex based on their language, which then offended somebody else! Surely we can funnel this into some kind of offensive comment pyramid scheme. It's not wrong to say 'some girls do things like this'. Its more accurate to say 'some people do things like this' but since the OP probably doesn't date men most people would accept the former variation in this situation. At the end of the day people don't always write in the most neutral terms possible when they are talking about a specific situation, because they don't expect anyone to misunderstand them so horribly then jump down their throats and accuse them of 'backpedaling' when they clarify what they actually think. Something you should be familiar with if you think you can tell a person's gender by reading something they wrote. Glass houses? Stones?
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 11:12 |
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jabby posted:It's not wrong to say 'some girls do things like this'. Its more accurate to say 'some people do things like this' but since the OP probably doesn't date men most people would accept the former variation in this situation. At the end of the day people don't always write in the most neutral terms possible when they are talking about a specific situation, because they don't expect anyone to misunderstand them so horribly then jump down their throats and accuse them of 'backpedaling' when they clarify what they actually think. Something you should be familiar with if you think you can tell a person's gender by reading something they wrote. Glass houses? Stones? Both genders are guilty of it, and no, it's not a serious offense but yes, it's pretty loving obnoxious.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 11:37 |
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bunnybean posted:While I think the extremity of the reactions can be attributed to the internet, rest assured that if you start a sentence in a real life conversation with a negative assumption about a gender, I am internally calling you an rear end in a top hat. Maybe you don't notice but personally, I've been subjected to enough misogyny over my lifetime and I'm really sick of people -- men or women -- telling me that my vagina is somehow indicative of my personality. See also: slut shaming, women can't drive, women can't figure out technology, PMS, etc. 'My ex-girlfriend is messing with my head' 'Some girls are just like that.' vs. 'My ex-girlfriend is messing with my head' 'Some people are just like that.' The second example is clearly better and less of a generalization I agree. You would also have a valid point if you wanted to respond to the first by saying 'some men are too', although I would say the fact that the conversation is about a girl is a mitigating factor. The only problem I have is if you want to call the first person a woman-hating misogynist while simultaneously making wrong assumptions about them yourself. So yeah, I agree with you, I just think the reaction went overboard.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 11:50 |
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I don't see how pointing out someone's behavior and telling them how it might be seen is going overboard.  No one swore at her or called her names or anything. The behavior is something that's pretty toxic to see, especially coming from a woman. Hearing something like "bitchy, toxic girlfriends are okay breaking off a relationship until their ex gets a new girlfriend" is really nasty since it assumes only women do it. Now if the original writer of this really meant that all people were like that, that's different. But going through your life hearing poo poo like that is just upsetting. I don't know if you are a dude and don't have to deal with it, but I don't see how explaining how it's detrimental to say is overreacting. I'll end this derail there.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 12:43 |
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jabby posted:'Some girls are just like that.' Good god you are dumb. Are you also JibbaJaberwocky? An alt account? Remember she originally said this: quote:It seems to be a trend that bitchy, toxic girlfriends are okay breaking off a relationship until their ex gets a new girlfriend. And then "oh no, I meant both genders, oops!" That is not even close to "some girls are like that". Yeah that is obnoxious as poo poo, I'm not sorry for calling out misogynistic posting when it is posted. And we hardly went overboard, you are nuts. Edit: I got 3 messages from 3 different people telling me not to even bother replying to JibbaJabberwocky, and I suspect jabby is her also, so I will end this here so I don't end up beating my head against a wall. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 20:26 |
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I'm getting kind of sick of this misogyny-call out trend. You aren't exactly winning hearts and minds over by calling everyone who uses bitch as an insult a misogynist. All it does is cause negative feelings and derails and make others view you as uptight and fanatical. People generally don't like being called misogynists and you are alienating people from your cause by insulting them outright and calling them bad people. Hell, you're alienating ME and I'm a girl who isn't exactly fond of the status quo herself.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 21:39 |
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Lareine posted:I'm getting kind of sick of this misogyny-call out trend. You aren't exactly winning hearts and minds over by calling everyone who uses bitch as an insult a misogynist. All it does is cause negative feelings and derails and make others view you as uptight and fanatical. People generally don't like being called misogynists and you are alienating people from your cause by insulting them outright and calling them bad people. Hell, you're alienating ME and I'm a girl who isn't exactly fond of the status quo herself. Sorry you've experienced it so frequently that it has become a "trend", but I haven't and it's loving annoying. It's also a no brainer that people don't like being called A Word That Is Insulting like misogynist. I don't think anyone cares about the word "bitch" but more like "girls are usually crazy, etc" is extremely ignorant and that is what people were upset about. The only part of your post that is sensical is that it causes derails, so maybe people should not make stupid comments like the one I quoted. The end. And speaking of that derail, this thread went way off topic AND the OP hasn't answered most of our questions, is he coming back or not?
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 21:46 |
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Aintain posted:Sorry you've experienced it so frequently that it has become a "trend", but I haven't and it's loving annoying. It's also a no brainer that people don't like being called A Word That Is Insulting like misogynist. I don't think anyone cares about the word "bitch" but more like "girls are usually crazy, etc" is extremely ignorant and that is what people were upset about. The only part of your post that is sensical is that it causes derails, so maybe people should not make stupid comments like the one I quoted. The end. The problem is that that isn't what she said at all. She said SOME girls like creating drama which is technically true. SOME girls like creating drama just like SOME guys do. It isn't a statement that generalizes the entire of the female populace. Maybe a better term to use would be "a few" instead of "some".
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 22:00 |
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You're just mad because she got the last word. Forget about her.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 22:05 |
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Aintain posted:Good god you are dumb. Are you also JibbaJaberwocky? An alt account? Calm down. I actually didn't notice my username was similar to JibbaJabberwocky until you pointed it out. I would be a pretty terrible alt account if the connection was that simple. And Lareine is right. 'Toxic girlfriends tend to do horrible things' is not misogynist because it isn't generalizing all women, just the ones that were toxic bitchy girlfriends in the first place. Nobody even remotely said 'girls are usually crazy' except you. You are literally trying to find an opinion to be offended by.
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 23:35 |
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| # ? May 24, 2013 12:53 |
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Wow who cares?!
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| # ? Apr 29, 2012 23:44 |
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