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Whether it was college/university, grad school, post-grad, or boarding school, we've all had at least one flatmate/roommate who was just not such a lovely person to live with. Everybody has at least a few hilarious stories of that one person they lived with for a few months who gave them some pretty bad times and some pretty great stories. So here it is, post your favourite tale about one of your awful living situations. I had a particularly interesting gent as a roommate last year for about 10 months so I have some charming tales to start things off. Firstly, he used to steal from me, never anything major but loads of petty crimes. It got to the point where I would do a monthly sweep of his desk and dresser just to take back things that were mine. Once he even lost a few things that were mine while he was borrowing them without my knowledge and he felt bad so he decided he would buy me replacements...from his school store so they'd have his school logo on them for me to remember him by I s'pose. Here is another story, which is a bit nastier so be warned. One night he and I were out with one of my best friends and her younger sister. We were all sitting together chatting and then as my friend and I turned our backs for a few seconds, my roommate and the sister vanished without a trace. We didn't know what to make of it so we carried on with our night and had a grand ol' time and then went home. Upon getting home and opening the door to my room, I realised my roommate and friend's sister had headed back early to beat me to the room for a few rounds of loud lovemaking so I wheeled around and exited the room without them noticing, retreating to the safety of my friend's room because at the time she lived conveniently down the hall. Upon waking the next morning my friend and I had some food and lounged about until about 11:00 or so at which point she deemed it safe for her to retrieve her sister and for I to retrieve my room. When I headed on in this time, I noticed my friend's sis passed out, face down, completely naked on my roommates bed. My roommate was no where to be found. Upon further inspection I noticed him in an identical nude position, except on my bed. He was a light sleeper so he heard me enter and looked up. With a groggy expression on his face he pointed at his bed and whispered "SHHHH! She's sleeping!" I remarked that I hadn't noticed and left the room again. To this day he has never acknowledged any part of this event. So there's a few from me; have at it folks. And remember, this isn't supposed to turn into a battle of who had the worst roommate. It's not a contest, more just a chance to share stories and laugh at each other's pain. 
FoxxorTheRed fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2013 around 15:59 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 03:09 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 00:55 |
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My first-ever flatmate was the daughter of Baptist missionaries; I don't know why I didn't throw her out of my apartment as soon as I heard that, but for some reason I let her stay. I had just turned eighteen and had been living on my own for about a year. She was a few months older, had never left her home for more than a few days at a time, and had decided to uproot herself from her hometown (six hours or so away) and come to my city to study... opera singing. From the moment she arrived, she would not do housework. She was a rich kid who'd had maids all her life, and she literally did not understand why work had to be done to keep a house clean. I had to pick up after her, wash her dishes, and vacuum the floor every day (she had a pet bird that moulted and shat everywhere). Confronting her did no good, as she'd tearfully promise to change and then do nothing. Eventually, I decided to be a petty little bitch and simply stop washing the dishes, just to see what she did. She used at least two bowls and plates per meal, so we ran out very quickly. (I kept a single bowl and fork, which I washed after every meal and kept in my bedroom). Within two days, we had no clean cutlery or crockery left at all, and the kitchen was totally full of filthy plates and bowls. My flatmate responded by making rice in a rice cooker and eating that rice for breakfast, lunch, and tea - straight out of the rice cooker, with her fingers. (I should just mention here that my flatmate didn't come from a culture that eats with their hands. She was white as snow.) Eventually I caved in and did the dishes, because we had a flat inspection coming up. I asked her to contribute to the housework just this once, and the morning of the inspection (I had class that day, she didn't), she promised to clean the kitchen if I cleaned the rest of the house. Needless to say, I came home half an hour before the inspection to find that the kitchen was filthy as ever and my flatmate was nowhere to be seen. Somehow I managed to get it looking presentable. Now, my flatmate very rarely seemed to go to university. She watched about ten hours of TV per day. The rest of the time was spent in her bedroom. Her bedroom door was always closed, and I didn't go in there. I realised right before the inspector opened the door that I was leaving myself open to disaster, and the lady's first words were "Oh my God, I don't know how people can live like this." The floor was carpeted in filthy underwear, there were mould-filled bowls everywhere, everything was covered in this patina of dust. Most frighteningly, the walls were tiled with photographs of... my flatmate. Sometimes there were other people in the shot, but most of them were just her. After that, I told her that she really had to get her act together or we'd literally get evicted, and once again she promised to change. I started having severe health problems around this time (I have immune thrombocytopaenia, a blood disorder), and had to drop out of university after a string of hospital visits; although I didn't really want to leave the house in the care of this madwoman, I let my mother coax me home to recuperate for a week. Before I left, I impressed upon the flatmate the necessity of keeping the flat presentable. Our landlord had a shop just downstairs, there were a few repairs in the pipeline, and you just never knew when the real estate agents would drop by without warning. Then, reluctantly, I went home. It was a mistake. When I got back, as soon as I opened the door, I was hit by a stench of rotting meat. My apartment smelt like a loving abattoir. The living room was covered in dirty towels and linen that she'd just flung around, along with the usual carpet of feathers and bird poo poo. The towel rack in the bathroom had been torn off the wall and the floor was splashed with bright pink hair dye that I was never able to scrub off. The kitchen was (surprise!) snowed under with filthy dishes; there was literally not a clean thing left in the cupboards or the drawers. The fridge still had stuff in it that I'd cooked two days before I left. My casserole dish was on the stove, two-thirds full of greenish, stinking mince. (This was my flatmate's signature recipe, besides rice. Mince. Nothing else, just mince.) Best of all, the garbage bin beside the fridge was overflowing. Rather than take the garbage bin out, she'd continued throwing food scraps and rubbish behind it, onto the loving floor, creating a pile of mouldering kitchen waste about two foot high. Her excuse was that she'd had food poisoning for two days and hadn't been able to do chores. On a related note, that evening, I caught her eating (with her fingers) from that unrefrigerated casserole dish full of rancid mince. I kicked her out. And that's my flatmate story. Also: a month after she moved out, I found some of her pubic hairs in my refrigerator. Edit: Speaking of things I found in my fridge, she was also obsessed with mayonnaise. When I cleaned up after she'd gone, there were seven bottles in there. Two more were lurking in my cupboards, and I saw at least one in the pile of garbage. We had a communal food fund, so she was spending our shared money on endless bottles of mayonnaise; she'd use them once, then hoard them away and buy a new one. This isn't awful, though, it's just vaguely puzzling. Avshalom fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 04:05 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 03:49 |
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I'll post my lovely room-mate story when I'm not too tired to string sentences together, but this needs to be posted here. Coincidentally the first thread I ever read on SA, back when it was still being updated.http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1353420
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 03:55 |
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So pubic hair in the fridge then? That's quite odd. I'm sure it's a cute story how they got there. Your flatmate reminds me of my roommate in a few ways. The cleanliness thing definitely, especially when you mentioned the smells. My roommate had really poor personal hygiene and would often smell sweaty and moldy and it got to the point where company would stop by and then ask what the smell was. I would put dryer sheets under his mattress with baking soda to absorb some of his stench. In the one room, which was the size of a one bed-bedroom because we had no space, we had about 7 of those little air fresheners, none of which helped a bit. He also used to do the ten hours of television daily thing. He would strip down to his boxers and lie in bed from like 15:00 to 2 watching television with his laptop on his chest.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 04:15 |
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I found a great house on Craigs List a couple years back. Close neighbors, but the trees made it feel secluded, not in town, but close enough that going to town wasn't a chore, and it overlooked a horse pasture. It was perfect. Amazing. I moved in with a coworker (Roommate A), my best friend (Roommate B) and a former roommate (Roommate C). Roommate C didn't have a job and paid his share of the rent by stealing bits from our shares and using it as his own. I kicked him out (I was the one who signed the lease and dealt with the landlady). There was a mix-up with getting the power switched over to my name. Duke Energy wouldn't take the transfer until they had turned it off because they're morons. The day they came to turn it off, they didn't. I later found out that Roommate A's girlfriend had her baby over that day. Apparently there's some kind of law in North Carolina saying that your power can't be cut off if there's an infant under 2 years old living at the house. The landlady wasn't happy when she got her bill. The power got cut off. I asked Roommate A if he would pay to get the power turned on and the rest of us would pay him back ASAP (as I had just put down a lot of money to get my car tuned up, new tires and whatnot). He agreed. His girlfriend flipped her poo poo. Her reasoning literally being that meant he couldn't buy drugs for her. Oh right. Roommate A also dealt drugs. I didn't find that out until he got fired from the store for doing so, as well as general incompetence. The cops came by and almost arrested me while he was off. Once they learned I didn't know anything, they let me go. They later asked me to go undercover to get him, which I did. He got arrested. Last I heard he somehow got out and now lives at the local homeless shelter. Good riddance. After Roommates A and C left, I invited another good friend to move in. Roommate D. Best roommate I've ever had, bar none. He was cool and fun, always had his money on time for me, and helped keep the place clean. Roommate B went through several jobs before moving into an apartment with a friend of ours. And finally, I got someone to replace him, Roommate E. Roommate E may have been the worst. He brought his girlfriend with him, and eventually her brother moved in too. At this point I really didn't care anymore so I just made sure the landlady didn't find out. Anyway, his girlfriend and her brother were both unemployed. But she never stopped watching TV in her room, and he never stopped watching TV in the living room. They wouldn't cook, clean, or look for jobs. The day I went to kick them out, I got a call from the landlady. Apparently, when her parents bought the house, they had signed a clause saying they wouldn't rent it out (since the house was technically on the property of a local camp I guess), and the camp found out. We had two weeks to find a new place. So I had no choice. I had to quickly find a place with Roommate E, since Roommate D had recently moved back in with his grandparents. I started cleaning the place up, and on the last day we had there, I rented a steam cleaner. As I was bringing it to the house, I got a call from my dad. He was in town out of the blue and wanted to hang out. So I asked Roommate E and his crew to steam clean the carpets and finish up the last minute cleaning since I had done literally everything else. He agreed. I got back from visiting my dad to find they had done nothing and we had to be gone by midnight. I got back at 11:30. So we left, I almost got sued (if my then-girlfriends dad hadn't been a drat good lawyer I probably would've been), and lost my $725 deposit. And to top it off, I now lived in a trailer with Roommate E and his people. Plus their cat and newborn kittens. They wouldn't clean up after the cats, and eventually it got to the point where the cats stopped using the litterbox. The place literally smelled like catshit. The girlfriend and her brother were still unemployed and being lazy and I was pulling 12 hour shifts, along with Roommate E. On top of that, since the brother was allergic to cats, he had to sleep in the second bedroom and I had to sleep on the couch. I was paying half the rent. After they ate, they'd leave all their trash around and refused to clean it up. And then, in February, I found a place. $550 a month, included water, power, DirectTV, and internet. And I haven't looked back.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 04:25 |
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My worst roommate is actually kind of a strange case, because rather than being a slob or any of the usual terrible roommate fare he just... wasn't there. Initially, I thought I had lucked out, and would get the place to myself (This was university housing, so rent wouldn't go up or anything). I thought he had just dropped out of school, or decided to take a semester off, but then, on Thursday of the first week of classes, he showed up. I was kind of confused, since what kind of loving master manages to get a classes arranged so he gets a five-day weekend? Well, he didn't... I think. See, he was around at such strange and sporadic times that I never knew whether he was just in between classes or cutting them. He lived nearby the school, so he'd go home every single weekend, and frequently, he just wouldn't come back for weeks at a time. I don't know whether he was just living at home and commuting to school, or whether we were just missing each other by minutes and he was at the apartment whenever I was gone. But when he was around, he was the gooniest, most anti-social motherfucker I've ever met. I mean, I'm consider myself pretty nerdy and kind of a shut-in, but I was a loving party animal compared to him, since every time he was around all he did was play fighting games online. For hours. I'd wake up to piss at night, and he'd be playing Street Fighter at 4 AM. He never left to get food, he always, always ordered in a pizza. So why is this so bad, you may ask. Because his presence was so unpredictable, planning for the future was nigh-impossible. Bringing friends or dates to my place was like playing Russian Roulette where the bullet is goons.txt personified telling me to keep it down so he could hear his matches, and since he never answered his phone, I couldn't check to see if he was going to be around. Finally, at the end of the semester, he arrived at some point while I was at class, cleared out the few things he had in his room and took off without so much as a goodbye. When I was clearing things up for move-out day, I found that he left me a present behind: like, 20 pizza boxes stuffed under his bed for me to clean up. rear end in a top hat TwoPair fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 04:48 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 04:46 |
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I had a rather weird roommate in college. Well, all 3 of my roomies were weird as hell but I'll save that for later. This guy in particular was something else. He constantly hit on our dorm floor girls unsuccessfully, I mean saying poo poo like "so can I motorboat you *poo poo eating grin*" and stuff like that. He was a god at guitar though, like I'd play intros to metal songs to him and he'd master that poo poo in 7 seconds flat. The weirdest part was with his girlfriend who he invited to stay with us for a night. Our dorm was a 2 bed/ 2 bath set up apartment style so everyone had plenty of room, especially to you know, crash on the couch in the living room in case someone's girlfriend came over. I offered to crash on the couch during this night, in fact I was adamant about it but every single time he was like "NO MAN I'M NOT GONNA MAKE YOU DO THAT" "dude I don't mind" "no its cool just stay in here!" This conversation was going on at around 1o:3o pm [my zero key is broken] so they were about to "go to bed" and maybe "do sex" that I didn't want to see or hear. For some reason he felt so guilty about me leaving the room and eventually I gave in and stayed until the obvious was going to happen. I didn't want want to hear people have sex 3 feet away from me and slept on the couch. The next day he was like "thanks for sleeping in the living room man!" what the gently caress. I later found out he got her pregnant and paid for the abortion. Then he turned god fearing because he had a dream where Jesus appeared to him in form of a dvd repair man. Oh yeah but before that he dropped out because he tried to OD on pills so for the rest of the year I had a full room to myself. He's still kind of a mess but he turned around quite a bit now 
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 04:49 |
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My first roommate, freshman year of college. We shared a single 10x18 room. The first month or so was actually pretty great, because she was constantly out partying and I basically had the room to myself. The trouble arose when she ran out of money and started hanging around all the time. I go to an art school with a characteristically intense workload, and I have no idea how this girl hasn't dropped out yet. The entire semester I lived with her I think I saw her doing homework once, and her art looked like poo poo you'd expect from a middle school class. She had pictures of her face all over the walls. After she saw me decorating my side of the room with nerdy posters, she decided she wanted some poo poo on her walls too, so she hopped on the computer in the dorm lobby and printed off every single picture on her camera. Most of these were just pictures of her, sometimes with family or friends. Since the printer downstairs was black and white, she colored parts of the photos in with highlighters. And for the few inches of the wall she couldn't plaster with her own neon face, she'd use completely loving random pages torn out of magazines or shredded up newspaper clippings, sometimes with bible verses written across them in highlighter. I'm sure there's a serial killer out there somewhere with walls exactly like this. Oh, all of her art was self-portraiture too. She skipped class more than she went, usually just to sleep or dick around on her laptop. For a while she'd bring her friend over for eight hours at a time and they'd sit around blasting R&B music and laughing their asses off when I was in the room trying to do homework or sleep, but that stopped after I finally kicked her friend out one night. She also liked to occupy the bathroom for three hours at a time every week or so while she "did her hair". She even had a sign she put on the door (scribbled on in highlighter, of course) for when she was doing her hair. I have no idea what kind of hair care procedure takes three hours once a week, but it was probably also the reason why we were constantly filing maintenance reports because her hair had completely stopped the shower drain. Though my favorite moment living with her has to be when she came in the room at four in the morning on her cellphone, talking in her usual loud speaking voice and waking me up to "YEAH I FORGOT TO TAKE MY BIRTH CONTROL YESTERDAY SO I JUST TOOK TWO TODAY, I THINK I'M PROBABLY FINE." After the first semester she moved down the hall to room with her friend. Her new room was right above a friend's room and they had to report her room several times for the screeching laughter long into the night. I got a new roommate who was far better to live with, though she did get shitfaced drunk the last weekend of school, throw up in my bed and then pass out in the common area floor. simuliert fucked around with this message at Jul 11, 2012 around 02:44 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 04:56 |
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First semester of my freshman year in college, oh man. The July after our seior year I decided to move into this place with my best friend after his grandma had bought it as a fixer-upper. We worked on it all Summer long to get it into livable conditions, clearing out the mold and water damage, and by the end of August things were... actually looking good. We both had some experience building sheds and stuff and it came in handy. And wouldn't you know it, by the time school started we were right on schedule without a problem! We moved all our stuff in on the first day like everyone else does and our Summer bonding experience brought us closer together. But then we started living together, and as it usually goes you start to notice some little quirks of theirs that you hate. Like I would come home late from my church group and if I had an extra pamphlet or two I'd leave one on his nightstand in his room if he was out, you know just to stay updated with what we were doing and everything. But then every single morning I'd look in the trash can around breakfast time and it'd be right there on top, a blatant sign. Speaking of breakfast he always had a problem with me eating my broke college daily meal of cereal on the couch. I understand that sometimes you like to keep your stuff separate when you move in with someone but it's a little ridiculous when it comes to furniture. He'd complain during my late night xbox 360 and PC gaming sessions even when I kept the volume way down or even when I used my Turtle beach headset. Suffice to say I hated this guy as the semester came to a close, so me and a few of our mutual friends decided to help me move out in a memorable way. The scheduling of finals worked out perfectly; my crew was all done the week before the roommate. On the night before his Chemistry final I invited over all of our friends and our friends' friends for an impromptu all-out insanely sick house party. He sat in the front room shaking his head and not saying a word as the line of people rushed in to the closest open house to campus, right as they were finishing up with finals. I left my guitar and amp plugged in next to the couch for anyone to just pick up and try to play. We blasted some of the heaviest stuff in my music library, a lot of Muse and TooL, as loud as our speakers would go. We stayed up all night drinking and playing PS1 games on HIS big screen. Everyone enjoying the first Tony Hawk's Pro Skater and singing the songs that they remembered- all the fun ones. We hotboxed the entire house (after closing all the vents) and left a weed cloud in there that you'd probably be able to see from space if not for the roof. After a while I remember the roommate slinking off to bed and I gather up my friends for the next step. We head to his room and I can hear him doing this little weep thing on the other side but we manage to hold it in as we put masking tape all over the door frame. And then all throughout the hallway. And then all throughout the house. By the end it was impossible to get anywhere without spending several minutes struggling. $120 worth of tape. Eventually we all headed out and me into the apartment I had just leased with my girlfriend, having already moved all my clothes and stuff the weekend before. And the best part: my name was never on the lease so there isn't a single thing he could do about it. And I heard he was late for his final 
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 05:28 |
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I had just gotten home from my job as a busboy. It had been an exceptionally busy morning and I was covered head to toe in waffle syrup and other disgusting and sticky substances. I wanted one thing: to take a shower. I go to the kitchen sink in order to rinse my hands in preparation for the glory that would be my forthcoming shower. It gurgles, no water, just a few seconds of sad gurgling. In from the back door, covered in mud, burst my roommate Isaac. Now, Isaac is a special guy, like kinda short bus special. Mind you, he isn't a bad guy, I love him dearly and this isn't a story of an awful roommate, just an awful roommate story. Anyway, Isaac bursts in, almost crying and says "S...S...S...iz..onn..e..., I'm a.a.w.fu...l sor...sor...sorrry I j..j..j.usst w...w...wanted the backyard to be p...p...prret..tty". So I follow Isaac to the spot where he had been digging and sure enough there was a shattered water pipe. I turned the water off, sternly but gently sent Isaac off to the hardware store for a section of pipe and some sealant, repaired the damage when he got back and took my shower.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 05:32 |
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Dr. Spiderman posted:Your room-mate was not the awful one here.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 05:36 |
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Avshalom posted:Your room-mate was not the awful one here. I thought the same, but then I thought he was probably either trolling or posting from the perspective of his roommate in some kind of way too clever and edgy for me way.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 05:45 |
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Dr. Spiderman posted:First semester of my freshman year in college, oh man. you sound rad as hell, your roommate sounds like a lame nerd Politicalrancor fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 05:58 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 05:50 |
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Anyway, more stories. A few years ago I had a roommate who was goony as hell, but generally harmless. He mostly worked from home, programming and poo poo, so he never left the house. He would either throw money at me to go get drive-through, or he would order pizza. Every single day. Now if I run out to the corner store I get dressed, I don't go in my pajamas or anything, but at home I don't like to wear pants. But when he would call for delivery, at least half the week, he would insist we get fully dressed, jeans and all, because if the pizza driver saw us in sweatpants the world would end. Not a big deal, but annoying. This next story, it's part about an old roommate, and part about the house we lived in. Both were equally horrifying. Partway through college I broke up with my ex and needed to move out pronto. A classmate I barely new said that he'd just lost a paying member of the household, and needed to fill a room, so I could move in immediately. I wasn't really in a position to be choosy, but goddamn. Turned out the "paying party" that was gone, was his girlfriend. She was no longer a member of the household because she was in jail. General red flags, but it wouldn't have been a big deal if she didn't have a huge problem with me being gay, and also if she wasn't on work release from the county lockup. Apparently she told the people in charge of her work release different hours than what she actually worked so she could stop by and see her boyfriend either before or after work. In general I don't care but I don't really want to be an accessory to whatever that is. It was sorta uncomfortable, but I just tried to avoid her for the most part. Now the house itself, worked like this: It had been two houses facing either street at a corner intersection. The landlord owned both and at some point built a really bizarre extension between them, merging them into some Escherian nightmare, then dividing the 2.5 houses into 5 random and haphazard apartments. There was an outer door that was never locked and no one had a key to save the landlord, then inner doors to the apartments with individual locks, obviously. The girlfriend would lock the outer door whenever she was on her way out and I was at class. If the roommate was home and I could get him to answer his phone, no biggie, but if he was gone I would end up doing my homework on the porch or napping in my car. More than once I had to go to a friend's place to store groceries in the fridge because I couldn't get in to my own apartment. No one else ever locked the outer door, you had to physically lock it, it wasn't automatic, but it was always "an accident" on her part, all after she found out that I'm gay. Then one day I walked in and a metric fuckton of Juggalos were sitting in the living room and he was weighing out baggies of mushrooms, which he proceeded to spill all over the carpet. Ugh. The worst thing about the place, though, was the room above the garage. I asked people in the building, and it wasn't technically part of anyone's apartment. None of the people living there could even say the last person who had used it, which meant at the time that it hadn't been used in roughly two years. Once everybody said it wasn't theirs, I decided to check out the cabinet I could see through the glass in the door. Once i actually got in, I realized the back half of the room was covered in garbage bags, and the floor that I hadn't been able to see was covered in several inches of those weird blue aquarium rocks. It smelled vaguely damp, but I figured something had leaked or exploded or something, and I started digging for anything useful. Inside the cabinet I found paint, solder, caulk, a bunch of useful household stuff so I figured I'd hit a decent little jackpot. I pulled a couple of garbage bags off the pile and tore one open. It was full of hideous clothes, mostly kids' stuff, but worst of all: it was damp. Two years. Damp. The smell got worse; kinda moldy but also vaguely...pissy. Human urine and maybe a bit of cat piss going on. I bailed and scrubbed the crap out of my skin, then called a friend over to see the weirdness and help me get the paint cans. I tried to warn her, but she figured there might be something cool in there aside from the cabinet. There were a lot of bags, so it was entirely possible. We covered up with trash bags and gloves and duct tape, and went in. After we cleaned out the cabinet, we started dragging bags to the front and opening them up, finding nothing but smelly clothes. After a while, we'd cleared a hole in the pile and found ourselves looking at a crib. It had been filled and buried over with bags of peeclothes. We stopped opening bags at that point, and just chucked them to the other side of the room. Slowly we unearthed what appeared to be a complete nursery, sitting like it had been frozen in time and then just piled over with black bags of 80s fashion and piss. We didn't open any more bags, and we never went back. Glasgow fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 06:41 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 06:37 |
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Freshman year was no problem; had 4 other room mates, one being practically nonexistent, but moved out after fall semester. Because we all liked each other so much we decided to find apartments together. We ended up getting apartments right next to each other, 2 people in each. It not being campus housing, my room mate and I took advantage of it not being as such by smoking, drinking, and oh my goodness having guests over! We had a ball for the first year. However, she ended her long distance relationship a few months in, and began to go date crazy. Like, 5 people at one time and it was totally okay because, you know, she's not committed per se. This eventually became problematic. Throughout our second year living together, she would tell me, a half hour before we got a knock on our door, that she found some guy online an hour before and they were going to hook up. In our apartment... This happened once before I told her how unsafe I felt with her doing that. I wasn't going to control her, but I would rather she not invite strange men to our place that she's never seen before just to have sex. She agreed to keep it our of our place, and that she would let me know where she's going and if she wasn't going to be home for the night. This ended up with her barely staying at our apartment at all, which was completely fine by me. However, when she got into an open relationship, her boyfriend at the time would come over constantly and I would hear loud, whiny sex through our paper thin walls from about midnight to 4 in the morning. Coupled with whipping sounds, slapping sounds, et cetera because she discovered she's not only poly-amorous but also a submissive. Once she would drop the men she's dating for one reason or another, but stay close friends and still hang out with them, she would point at me and tell them I was single and to pursue me. I had no interest in any of these people. All goth-clubbing hardcore BDSM scene people. She electively moved out the end of our junior year, and I got a new room mate. She started off as a good friend, but slowly deteriorated to "I do not want to live with this bitch, let a lone see her." She owned 2 cats, and in my complex pets were not allowed. I told her fine, so long as she cleaned up after them really well, because I was also severely allergic to cats. Long story short, she got a boyfriend, and would spend every moment at his place, and in turn neglect the cats of food and a clean litter box. Multiple times I ended up coming home to the cats with no food at all, drinking out of the toilet, and using my chair, the couch, and the chaise lounge as their personal pee areas. One of her cats actually died of a UTI our spring semester. I feel so bad for the cat but it was clearly due to her neglect. The place was none short of wrecked. Cat hair loving everywhere, pee all over the place... The living area was unusable because of this. And of course she decided to move out 3 months before our lease was up to live with her boyfriend. Since it was summer, I was home for a short stint, so she texts me saying she's leaving, and will leave me the futon and chaise lounge in the living area for me! How nice of her... She also left a broken set of drawers in her room. I ended up having to lug all this pee-saturated cat hairy furniture out myself. Not once during the time she lived there did I get to enjoy the living area.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 06:59 |
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Right, this story actually happened about one week ago. I was flying solo for a cruise to the Caribbean and decided to gamble with a roommate so I would at least have someone to talk to. The dice were rolled and I lost, big time. I had gotten food poisoning the day before the cruise and barely made it onto the ship, having stayed up all night throwing up. I make it into the cabin and promptly pass out. My roommate rolls in, he is an overweight guy in his mid 30s (I'm in my early 20s). I explain my situation, tell him that I just need to sleep for a while but I am slowly getting better. Cut to a few hours later, where I wake up to see him leading a woman who stands 5 feet tall by 5 feet wide into our cabin. She goes to the bathroom and he lays down on his bed saying "She is older, but she seems into me! She wanted to see my cabin." The horror of the situation begins dawning on me, as he has managed to find a lady who wants to sleep with him despite his unfortunate looks and (later revealed) Asperger's syndrome. She comes out of the bathroom and says "I've done some crazy stuff, but the roommate is gonna have to go." Now at this point I should have pointed out that she has a cabin too and they could go there, but she started taking off her top. I'm still getting over being sick and like a wounded animal the good old fight-or-flight kicks in. I lace on my shoes as fast as possible and shoulder roll out the door, figuring I can stumble around and explore the ship for a while. I come back 5 hours later (~11pm ship time), managing to drink some fluids and not throw up everywhere. There is a do not disturb sign on the door. A red streak of warning against the bland hallway. I knock loudly, no response. Again, even louder. Still no response. Fearing what I might see, I slowly open the door. It gets stopped partway, I figure some luggage has gotten in the way. I call out, there is no response. I try opening it more but goddamn if it wasn't the sturdiest luggage in the world. I look through the crack that I have made and see what is blocking my entrance. She is sitting in the closet(!), half-naked with her legs blocking the door from opening fully. My mind mercifully applies a filter once I realize that she is bottomless and I stare at the wall. She wakes up from the door hitting her legs and I have to talk my way past a blacked-out drunk woman to get into my own cabin. My roommate is nowhere to be seen, it turns out that he left for the ship's casino hours ago. There I am, standing in my cabin with a strange woman who is blacked out drunk. I toss her clothes to her and try to persuade her to get dressed. I ask what she is doing in the closet, she angrily replies that she is "yancing". As an aside, does anyone have an idea what that means? After a good twenty minutes of telling her that she needs to get out of there, she is finally dressed and gets out of the closet. She goes to the bathroom a few times and I tell her that she really needs to go. She finally agrees and then starts crawling in my roommate's bed. I tell her that she needs to go back to her cabin, and she says that this is her cabin. "No ma'am, it really isn't." "I'm pretty sure it is." "I'm pretty sure it isn't. You had sex with <roommate> but now you really need to go." "Hmmmm.... I guess I should find out who that is." She finally leaves, and I get to pass out in peace. That was my first real interaction with that roommate, but thankfully he didn't bring anyone else back (not for lack of trying.) Everything else was just standard awkward stuff like him hopping in when I was talking/dancing with ladies at the disco on board, but that first experience will live on with me.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 07:22 |
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Dormitory living in my freshman year of university, I had a randomly assigned roommate. Call him J. It's been a long time so I don't remember all the details, and it's nothing compared to what I'm sure some other people are going to bring, but I think he was still pretty awful. I didn't know anything about J., really, except that he was Jewish and from a suburb of Chicago. It became clear not long after moving in that we had very little in common. I spent most of my time studying, playing computer games, and other solitary habits. At age 18 I was pretty arrogant and still in the social shell of an awkward high school nerd, so I was neither very good at making new friends nor very interested in being friends with the people on the floor, who I thought were stupid assholes. This assessment was not entirely unfair. I remember an incident from the first month or so of classes, I left the room to use the bathroom and I saw a bunch of people from the floor (J. among them) swinging an 18" metal box fan around by the cord, slamming into the walls and the floor, yelling "KILL IT! KILL IT!" Irresponsible kids finally out from under their parents. Anyway, I also drove across the state every other weekend to see my parents and my girlfriend, who was year younger than me and consequently still in high school, which made me even less social that I might otherwise have been. I ended up hanging mostly with other people from my hometown who had come to the same university. By contrast he was extremely outgoing and quickly made a bunch of new friends on the floor. He didn't say anything to me, but I'm sure he was pretty disappointed that he drew a roommate who mostly chilled in the room and didn't party. Starting out he had a number of habits that didn't exactly bode well. Most annoying to me, since I'm a light sleeper and I sometimes have trouble falling asleep, he liked to fall asleep watching TV. Specifically, J. had all the DVDs of "The O.C." and watched them constantly. I assume that he had a TV at home, and had never shared a room, so he just continued a long-established habit of falling asleep with the TV on. I put up with this for a little while, to see if I would get used to it, before I finally complained. He bought some wireless headphones that interfaced with his TV, so at least the volume was taken care of. He also liked to stay out all night, sleep a few hours before his morning classes, then catch up with long afternoon naps. Rather than sleeping up on the loft bed that the dorms provided, he had a cushy futon on the floor beneath it where he slept; since he was on ground level, it made me feel like I couldn't use the room during the day while he was sleeping. This wasn't a big deal, though, since I could just study in the library or other common areas. He also used AOL Instant Messenger, and would leave it logged in with the volume up 24/7, to treat me to the notification noises every time one of his friends did something. So a few annoying things, but nothing bad. His status as my worst roommate cemented itself gradually, as he settled into university life. His older brother was on the management staff at one of the many bars near campus, and he got J. a job working the door and checking IDs. Nights he wasn't working, he was still at the bar, drinking. Before long he was going out every night, without exception, and came back to the room drunk around 3 AM. Sometimes he remembered to be quiet, but other times he would plop himself down in front of his computer and chat for 30 minutes, with the volume turned up so the beeps and burbles of AOL would wake me. Other times he would invite his drinking buddies in, and they would hang for a while. Waking me up in the middle of the night was pretty annoying, and I told him so, and his response (verbatim) was "That's just how I roll." I mentioned the issue to the RA, who said that unless I made an official complaint he couldn't do anything for me, and I didn't want to go there with it, so I had to let it slide. At any rate, it slowly became clear that J. was a bit of a douchebag. He never studied and was failing all of his classes, and sometimes I would come back to the room and see him talking on his cell to somebody feeding him entire papers for one of his classes, while he typed it out, just as if he was taking dictation. I was particularly amused to overhear him complaining about how he was failing his class on the Holocaust. By this point in the year both of us had basically written the other off and we didn't interact more than the minimum necessary, so I didn't know much about his personality besides him being inconsiderate and rude. Sometimes after he returned from the bars he would be sick, and one time he vomited on the floor and got some on my coat and a few of my other things. Naturally I was pretty displeased, and I went to the RA and asked him if there was a wet/dry vacuum or something that J. could use. He said that there was, as long as he belonged to the dorm association (J. did), so I left J. a note indicating he needed to clean up after himself, and to get the vacuum from the RA, and went to class. When I returned from class, J. was fuming, and the room had been cleared of visible puke but still smelled of it. He was outraged that I had mentioned anything to the RA, accusing me of snitching on him. I shrugged it off, saying that it wasn't snitching because there was no way he was going to get in any kind of trouble. I explained that he needed to get a proper vacuum for the job, because you can't just suck puke up with a dustbuster and spray the carpet with febreze. I said it as a joke, but he immediately pulled a face and I realized that's exactly what he'd done. He never properly cleaned the carpet, either. Although I (and as I will get to, many other people) disliked J., he often brought drunk girls back to the room for sex. My assumption was that he was taking advantage of his job as a doorman at a bar and doing small favors for these girls, but I don't know, maybe he just had game. At any rate, he would bring them in and hang a sheet from his loft bed as a kind of curtain partly blocking his futon from view, and then have sex with them whether I was awake or in bed. If I was at my desk, that would mean he was having sex on the other side of a thin sheet, about four feet from me. It also did absolutely nothing for the noise. Sometimes the girls would be drunk and throw up. The single worst thing during the time that I roomed with him was one of these incidents, because he continued to creep on this girl while she was throwing up. I could hear him coaxing her, and in between heaves she was weakly protesting. I listened to this up in my loft bed, wide awake, and it went something like this-- J.: Come on. It's okay. You're okay. Girl: no, I feel sick. *BLERGH* I don't want to do anything, I'm gross. J.: You're not gross. It's fine, you're okay. Girl: *BLERGH* *splash* I just wanna go to sleep. stop it. long pause Girl: ugh. stop touching me. quit it. And so on in that vein. I laid there, thinking about what I was going to do if he fully started date-raping a girl right there in the same room as me, but both of them passed out and began snoring loudly, so I was free to be a big coward and not feel guilty about it. Another time I was hanging with a friend in the room. Since there was only two chairs for three people, my friend politely asked if he could sit on J.'s futon while we chatted, and J. said it was fine and got up to do his hair for class or wherever. My friend told me later that while J. was doing his necessaries, he'd been staring at my friend through the mirror with an expression of outright hatred and disgust, until after a few seconds he realized that mirrors worked both ways and my friend could see him. On another occasion friends of J.'s came by when he was gone, and I told them I didn't know where he was but they could wait for him there. We chatted amiably for a while, and they expressed that they were surprised because I was cool and nice, and J. had always described me to them in an extremely negative way. I told them that was good to know. After some time, J. decided that he wanted to change his housing situation, and he asked if I would agree to swap rooms with a friend of his. I figured that whoever I ended up with wouldn't be any worse than J., so I agreed. I told him to set it up so I could meet with the other parties for lunch or something, just to be sure my prospective roommate knew how to bathe and so on, and then we could do the paperwork. That was the last I heard about it for some time. Later on, we had an argument about something, and J. brought it up. He claimed that the switch had been ready to go forward, but the other guy's current roommate backed out and refused, because he didn't want to room with me because I was apparently such an rear end in a top hat. "You mean the guy I never met?" I asked, "The guy who only knew me from your description of me? Why would he refuse that?" J. didn't have an answer for that. But by that time I knew what the answer was--J.'s friend had probably backed him off, because J. was an rear end in a top hat. Since I didn't socialize with the people on my floor, I don't know what exactly he did, but over the course of the year all J.'s friends in the dorm came to despise him. If I had to guess, I'd say it had something to do with him being a stupid, inconsiderate prick. Sometimes I would hear them mocking him while he wasn't around, because he had a few turns of phrase that he tended to repeat. For example, he was pledged to some fraternity or other, and he would name drop it, like by constantly telling everybody that he was going to the frat house, or to a mixer, or another function. So I would hear people on the floor telling each other that they were going down to the X house to hang with the brothers, then crack up laughing. They also began to play pranks on him. They would knock on the door and then run away by the time he got up to answer it, or wrap condoms on the doorknob, other juvenile stuff. The argument I mentioned just above happened because one time I came back from class to find a condom on the knob, which I wasn't about to gently caress with since it wasn't meant for me, so I went to the study room and told him, "There's a condom on the doorknob and it's for you, please take care of it. I'll be at the library." Another time, the guys somehow found out that J. had been overweight when he was younger, and had gotten fit in his later high school years. One of them got a birthday cake from his mother and only ate half of it, so they left the other half outside our door with a note that said, "Happy Birthday, J., you fat gently caress." J. hauled off and kicked the cake down the hall, covering his shoes and making a tremendous mess in the common area. Anyway, this kind of thing was also an annoyance to me, because the pranks affected me just for living in the same room. I finally asked them to stop, because it was bad enough that I had to live with J. without that extra poo poo--they were welcome to keep pranking him as long as it didn't mess with my stuff. They were nice enough to back off, at least as far as I was concerned. They might have kept pranking him, for all I knew. Another time I prevented J. from getting his rear end beaten. Early in the year he allowed everybody on the floor to use his printer for their class papers, and they got used to doing that, even after they began to fall out with him. He eventually decided he wasn't going to let them use it anymore. One of the guys on the floor came in to print something, and J. refused, and he insisted, and it ended up in one of those ridiculous confrontations that young guys get in, complete with a staredown. J. was seated throughout, and he was noticeably smaller and less fit than the other guy. I thought, are you really going to get your rear end kicked in the room? Eventually I decided that it would probably cause a big hassle for me if I was a witness to a fight in the room, so I politely asked the guy to leave so I could go to sleep. At first he didn't seem to hear me or give a poo poo, so I asked him again, a bit more firmly, and he finally disengaged, careful to show no weakness. After he was gone, J. said something to me like he didn't need me to do that. I just said I was going to sleep, and did so. Also I almost forgot, but during my sophomore year J.'s frat was busted by the national organization for serving alcohol and drugs to minors (it was also rumored they were promoting sexual assault). They were already on probation, but the national president made a surprise inspection and arrived during a major party, with the result that he turned everybody out of their housing with the minimum notice allowable by law and the chapter was closed for several years to make sure all the assholes were cleaned out. In retrospect most of it was pretty mild and doesn't really justify all that typing. He wasn't smelly, violent, or insane. I actually watched some of my university friends go through a vastly worse roommate experience. J. was just an rear end in a top hat, is all. I'm lucky to have avoided worse roommates.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 07:46 |
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Haha, oh god, this thread makes me feel so much better for my housing situation. My flatmate isn't psychotic or a hoarder or a huge douchebag. There are of course the usual problems (needs to be nudged into doing his share of cleaning, never throwing the trash, etc), but what actually bothers me is that... how should I even put it... he wants to make his presence known. I am not going to complain about putting on the TV without headphones or talking loudly on the phone, these are things that come with having a housemate. The more "normal" way he tries to be annoying is watching his shows late at night wearing headphones, but producing the most blood-chilling shrieking laughs I have ever heard. I honestly haven't heard him laugh that way any other time we are together, it's only when there is a wall between us that would cover up any other kind of noise. These are the normal things he does to annoy me, and I am sure that a lot of people have to deal with that. He also has his own signature moves. When he is taking a shower, he is moaning audibly (no, not jerking off, probably). I know that he does it so I can specifically hear him, because whenever I come home and he is already in the shower, he is completely silent. But since he is only showering once every couple days, he also makes a big deal out of taking a piss, by moaning and loudly exclaiming something like "ahhh, my dick!" And all that when he is sober. We don't have keys for our bedroom doors, so when he comes home drunk (thankfully just once a week at most), he will usually burst into my room uninvited to annoy me. Speaking of which, I had a hard time teaching him the concept of knocking and waiting for a response before opening the door. Right now he has reached the stage where he turns the handle, remembers that he has to knock, knocks, and then opens the door anyway. Baby steps. But anyway, one of his worst drunk intrusions was when he asked for a hug, and when I agreed to that in the hopes that it would make him leave, he just started humping away, "jokingly". And speaking of his "humor", this is another thing that annoys me about him. Most of it is based on mocking homosexuality. I am not gay myself, but I don't live in the 18nth century and find these things inappropriate. When it's not about homosexuality, it's just misogynistic. I actually had to yell at him to stop shouting "surprise sex HER" during Game of Thrones whenever a male character was in a position of power over a female (yeah, the Jeoffrey scenes were a hoot...) And here is the kicker: We are not actually immature freshmen. We are both close to 30 and we hold normal, adult people jobs. We have been very good friends since we were actually freshmen, but he doesn't seem to have matured a bit.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 10:36 |
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My first roommate went literally schizophrenic, got arrested and hospitalized after a car chase with the cops (he thought they were Triads), then slipped a letter under my door telling me "we had nothing in common" (ie I wouldn't do street drugs with him) and tried to give my room to his drug dealer. Luckily our third roommate was the official renter of the house and kicked him out instead. And he eventually stopped self-medicating and now lives a relatively normal life.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 10:55 |
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Had a roommate who would reliably burst in at 2 AM every goddamn night drunk and practically screaming into her cell phone, not because she was angry but because she just did not have an indoor voice. This finally stopped when she had a few too many one night and ended up coating our bathroom area (and somehow part of my locked bedroom) with vomit. My friend also had a
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:19 |
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Oh god, a few. In no particular order: - 2 housemates who were so lazy they didn't do any washing up for 3-4months. To deal with this they bought some new plates before finally just eating out of colanders and saucepans, putting kitchen roll in and replacing it each time. 99.99% of their diet was chips cooked in a deep fat frier. They never changed the oil in all this time; I swear the fumes were a biohazard worse than the Marlboro I was smoking at the time. It developed a 1cm lining of scum inside it by the end, I finally cracked and pulled it out and sat it in the sink soaking. They complained that I "threw away their oil, it's not cheap." They refused to pay their share of the internet bill for 4 months running, and so we cut them off. When they moved out one of their mothers accused me of "sneaking around like Jesus" and to this day I cannot interpret what she meant. Apparently I was ruining her son's life. How this relates to being a covert son of God, I do not know. - 2 Nigerian guys moved in. One day they come home in a van loaded with various electronic equipment, they claim they bought to start an eBay business with. Move forward one week, and I'm being interviewed by police asking if I know anything about a large creditcard fraud ring that is operating from my house, and would you mind awfully if we seized all your computer equipment. I had (coincidentally) decided to format my HDD the day before, so was nearly making GBS threads bricks at "OH GOD LOOK AT ME CONCEALING EVIDENCE!" Luckily, the pile of stolen goods in the other guy's room was where the investigation started and ended. Turns out one of them had taken a job at a CC firm and was skimming numbers, the other was buying goods from random warehouses and selling it on eBay. - One guy moved into the spare room in our house, it was his first week at university (freshman week! whooo!). Instead of getting drunk and committing carnal sins he decided to play WoW for 17-20hours a day (not an exaggeration) and barely left the room. I decided, because I am nice, to block the Blizzard servers in the NAT tables on the router such that he couldn't log in. After 12hours of trying, he conceded some issue and finally left the house. - A current housemate was part of an engineering team that worked on the LHC. This got a bit cooler last week. Another works at BAE systems and is working on an AI project that he's not allowed to discuss beyond "it will drive vehicles" - it is military funded in part. - A random Argentinian tango dancer ended up living with me and a friend for 4months after his weekend trip simply failed to come to an end. He was eventually deported (denied re-entry into the country after visiting Germany) which is handy, as I felt he would never leave and my friend had not the heart to get rid of him. He spoke about 20 words of English, most notably "I er go smoking now" -- which has become a meme between people who knew him. - At a place I was staying in temporarily, I had my landlord tell me her cousin was going to stay there for 2months. Turns out, the cousin is a 19 year old dancer / pole-dancer / contortionist and pretty much insisted we watch (to provide feedback). - A German couple who had such a rigorous schedule, free from any deviation, that I once literally realized that the clock I was looking at was slow, based on the time they left to go to the gym.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:45 |
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College, senior year, and what was worst was that before we lived together he was one of my best friends. He played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day and when he WASN'T playing World of Warcraft, he was setting videos of his guild fighting bosses in World of Warcraft to Viking metal music and playing them at maximum volume. By graduation I couldn't talk to him any more because he would constantly redirect the conversation towards World of Warcraft. It was like living with a male version of Alyson Hannigan's character in the first American Pie, except instead of band camp it was World of Warcraft. He dumped his girlfriend of six years (who was an absolutely wonderful girl, in my opinion) to date some girl he met in his guild. She lived in California, and when she came out to visit him during the last weeks of our senior year I couldn't even sleep in my own bed because he was in our room loving her. Strangest person I think I've ever met--when I went to shake her hand to introduce myself, she flinched like she thought I was going to hit her. I basically spent the last 4 months of my senior year just mocking him with my fellow housemates behind his back. He never noticed--and if he did, he never said anything. I haven't spoken to him since I graduated. It's probably for the best.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:47 |
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Oh god, a few. In no particular order: - 2 housemates who were so lazy they didn't do any washing up for 3-4months. To deal with this they bought some new plates before finally just eating out of colanders and saucepans, putting kitchen roll in and replacing it each time. 99.99% of their diet was chips cooked in a deep fat frier. They never changed the oil in all this time; I swear the fumes were a biohazard worse than the Marlboro I was smoking at the time. It developed a 1cm lining of scum inside it by the end, I finally cracked and pulled it out and sat it in the sink soaking. They complained that I "threw away their oil, it's not cheap." They refused to pay their share of the internet bill for 4 months running, and so we cut them off. When they moved out one of their mothers accused me of "sneaking around like Jesus" and to this day I cannot interpret what she meant. Apparently I was ruining her son's life. How this relates to being a covert son of God, I do not know. - 2 Nigerian guys moved in. One day they come home in a van loaded with various electronic equipment, they claim they bought to start an eBay business with. Move forward one week, and I'm being interviewed by police asking if I know anything about a large creditcard fraud ring that is operating from my house, and would you mind awfully if we seized all your computer equipment. I had (coincidentally) decided to format my HDD the day before, so was nearly making GBS threads bricks at "OH GOD LOOK AT ME CONCEALING EVIDENCE!" Luckily, the pile of stolen goods in the other guy's room was where the investigation started and ended. Turns out one of them had taken a job at a CC firm and was skimming numbers, the other was buying goods from random warehouses and selling it on eBay. - One guy moved into the spare room in our house, it was his first week at university (freshman week! whooo!). Instead of getting drunk and committing carnal sins he decided to play WoW for 17-20hours a day (not an exaggeration) and barely left the room. I decided, because I am nice, to block the Blizzard servers in the NAT tables on the router such that he couldn't log in. After 12hours of trying, he conceded some issue and finally left the house. - A current housemate was part of an engineering team that worked on the LHC. This got a bit cooler last week. Another works at BAE systems and is working on an AI project that he's not allowed to discuss beyond "it will drive vehicles" - it is military funded in part. - A random Argentinian tango dancer ended up living with me and a friend for 4months after his weekend trip simply failed to come to an end. He was eventually deported (denied re-entry into the country after visiting Germany) which is handy, as I felt he would never leave and my friend had not the heart to get rid of him. He spoke about 20 words of English, most notably "I er go smoking now" -- which has become a meme between people who knew him. - At a place I was staying in temporarily, I had my landlord tell me her cousin was going to stay there for 2months. Turns out, the cousin is a 19 year old dancer / pole-dancer / contortionist and pretty much insisted we watch (to provide feedback). - A German couple who had such a rigorous schedule, free from any deviation, that I once literally realized that the clock I was looking at was slow, based on the time they left to go to the gym.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:49 |
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Rich. In the end, I didn't hate Rich. He was a totally selfish, manipulative, socially retarded rear end in a top hat, but there was enough of a scared child acting out in there that i actually felt for him. The first day I'm there, he talks on and on and on and on about the Air Force and how much badass poo poo he had done. He had purportedly endured the most long and painful initiation processes in the U.S. military that he alleges exist. He tells me that he once "pushed a button." He said he couldn't tell me any more about it, but made it sound as though he was responsible for the deaths of thousands of people. He was kicked out of the Air Force for failing to run a 12 minute mile, he once mistakenly admitted. Anyhow, the first day I'm there, he offers me a joint that I later find out was laced with Salvia. I'm pretty sure that burning it in a joint doesn't burn it hot enough to set the really trippy poo poo in Salvia off, but anyone who has taken it can tell you what a debilitating and freaky experience it is, especially if you don't know it's coming. Within a week, he'd eaten pretty much all of our food, driven us to near insanity from constantly jabbering on and on at us about absolutely nothing(HEY GUYS, DO YOU THINK THAT.. DO YOU THINK THAT IF I TOOK THREE DEXEDRIN AND THEN DRANK LIKE A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY, DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA?) and made the house smell like ballsweat and stale cigarettes. We tried a number of things to get rid of him - we talked to the landlord but obviously he didn't want to lose the money. We talked to the college student board or whatever, they didn't answer any calls. Eventually, we misdirected the 45 year old drunk woman who sold weed to my other roommate John to Rich, hoping that getting his dick sucked would finally calm him down. He woke me up at 4 a.m. that night, screaming at me to drive her home, because she had locked herself in his room and refused to leave. This started when, while Rich was playing World of Warcraft and she was just sitting there watching him, he says he saw her stealing his weed. Which is probably true. In response, he called her "a wench" and stormed out of the room, only to find it locked upon his return. He always had a fascinatino for weird videos. I don't know if he was so much interested in the videos so much as the attention he got for looking at them, but he'd call us into his room telling us about this awesome, hilarious video, and then show us a video of a guy getting beat to death by hammers. He'd always ask us to go to the 7/11 with him to "go get some Freshman to give us BJs." He was 25. Luckily he never seemed to have any success. John, while a total rear end in a top hat first semester, turned out to be a loving hilarious necessity to counter Rich. He was an immature prankster, which would have been annoying if it was done to anyone except Rich. He'd go up to Rich's window at random times of the night and scream "RICH!" and send him into a spastic freakout. One day, he saw a dick on there. Turns out Rich was gay. There's nothing wrong with that of course! And we're cool with it. But the thing is, he was such a racist, sexist, homophobic rear end in a top hat that it seemed impossible. The Jew from Connecticut who calls the Civil War "The War of Northern Aggression" was suddenly gay. I could go on with a million more stories but Im not sure at this point if it's a "you had to be there" thing. Because god drat, you really need to know Rich. People who I worked with on campus have twice told me a story about Rich not knowing he was my roommate, so he's pretty unmistakeable. John and I are friends to this day now because we constantly just exchange stories about Rich like two old war buddies.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:51 |
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Khablam posted:
Combination of her being an idiot and getting her idiom wrong http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creeping_Jesus
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 13:52 |
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My friends all like to laugh and joke about the fact that I tend to get into the worst roommate situations...thankfully, that's at an end. My roommate for the past year has been fantastic. The only bad thing I can say about him is he never cleans the bathroom...but that's fine, I'll clean that, and he cleans the living room and kitchen. Anyway, the first bad roommate experience I had was actually a couple years after college. All my college roommates were fine. I graduated college and spend a couple years living by myself in some podunk town in northern NY. I then quit the job to go to grad school. The school I was going to was near where I grew up, and because of when my current lease ended, I went back to live with my parents for the summer before I started. In those few months, I reconnected with a couple old high school friends (Matt and Jim) who wanted to get out of their living situations, so we got a place together in the town the school was in. It was a 5-bedroom house, so we got a couple other roommates my mom found (my mom is a nurse, and they were nursing students she had met.) Well, first off, one of the girls my mom met never moved in. She looked at the house with us, chose a room, moved in literally one box of sheets and towels, and never came back. I phoned her a few times and she just said "Oh, it's just a matter of getting my friend to loan me his truck so I can move my stuff from my parents'." This went on for two months before she finally said she wasn't moving in...whatever, I didn't care, she paid rent for those two months. So we find a replacement from Craigslist, Kathy. For the most part, she was fine. The only incident with her was one time she got drunk and high, passed out while making food, and caused a grease fire. The fire department came, broke a couple windows, etc...and all she was going on about was that the fire fighters were so hot and "OMG, can she start another fire to get them to come back?" She didn't help the rest of us with cleaning up afterwards, or repainting literally the entire first floor, either. The other nursing student (Lisa) had her own set of problems. For one, she was a whore. And before everyone pegs me for being misogynistic, or says I'm just pissed she never slept with me or something, I mean she was an actual "has sex for money/gifts/favors" whore. It was never a lot of men, just a couple rich (but much older...like, late 40's early 50's, more than twice her age) doctors she met. I think at least one was married, and all that she did with them was have sex. They'd come over a few times a week, go to her room for an hour or so, then leave. Walls were thin, so pretty obvious what was happening. I guess there's a chance she was just having sex with them for fun, and not money, but unlikely. Either way, it was just really annoying, especially since sometimes their car would block me in the driveway. And speaking of cars, she was great with them. She didn't have her own, so was always borrowing mine or Matt's. Well, after a few months of her borrowing my car every now and then, I find out she doesn't have a license. She got a DUI a few months before we moved in together, and one of the "classes" she was driving my car to wasn't for school, but the DUI class to get her license back. She got so used to borrowing my car that she sometimes just took it without asking, which left me late for work a few times when she returned it late, or not at all and I had to get a ride from someone. At one point, she crashed Matt's car (his new one that he just got two weeks earlier) and nearly totaled it. Thankfully, she had her license back by that point. She never paid him for it, either. He had insurance, obviously, but still had a deductible of a few hundred dollars. Not to mention the hassle of being without a car for a couple weeks. And finally, there was Jim. Jim was my other high school friend. He worked second shift at a liquor store downtown, and unbeknownst to me, ALSO had a DUI on his record! However, he at least was smart about it and didn't drive...but that just resulted in me giving him lots of rides to and from places. But that wasn't so bad, compared to his massive alcohol and drug abuse. He would get drunk every night...and not just a bit, I mean shitfaced, sometimes black-out drunk. His usual habit was to take a pint of liquor home with him from the store, and drink it while walking home (~2.5 miles.) He'd usually finish before he got home around midnight or so. Then he'd keep drinking till 4 or 5 AM. On weekends, it was actually better, since Matt and I could at least stay up and drink with im, keeping him out of trouble...usually. But other days, I'd wake up in the mornings for class to find beer cans and liquor bottles strewn about, dirty pans and dishes from the food he tried to make while drunk, the TV on, and a few times the oven or stove left on (can't believe he never started a fire.) A few of our cabinets had glass doors...after the third time he smashed one of them, we stopped buying new panes of glass to go in them. Speaking of smashing glass, one night we were all out downtown, getting loads of free drinks (his manager from work also bartended at a local dive bar.) Suddenly, she comes and finds me, and tells me we have to get Jim and go home...now! She doesn't tell me why. I go outside (he was out having a smoke) and see him half passed out on the sidewalk, blood soaking through his shirt sleeve, and the giant store-front window of the business next door just SMASHED. According to people outside, he was leaning on it, started to slip down, and just slammed his elbow as hard as he could into it to try and prop himself back up. He, of course, remembered none of this. To his credit, though, he was originally going to go to the business and offer to pay for the replacement, until someone told him that those large, safety-glass windows cost like $1000. On top of all this, he never cleaned, was always late with rent and utilities, broke dishes, a table, punched holes in the walls, and started doing coke (I don't care about pot, but harder drugs I draw the line at, and told him, but it continued.) He even got Lisa hooked on coke (maybe that's why she started whoring?) When our lease was up, Matt and I got a place together with a girl I worked with, Jim moved back in with his parents, Lisa got knocked up by a guy she was seeing (an actual boyfriend, at least) and quit school and moved to Alabama with him, and Kathy moved in with a friend of hers. Jim wondered why no one wanted to just stay at the house another year. Of course, the next place I had was pretty bad, too...but I'll save that for later. Edit: I do feel the need to point out that Jim did turn his life around...he got off drugs, drinks still but nowhere near what he did, and his back in school trying to finish his degree. We're friends again, but I have told him in no uncertain terms that there is no way we'll ever be roommate again...because he occasionally still brings up the idea of living together. DrBouvenstein fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 14:54 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 14:48 |
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A couple years ago my then-gf and I moved into an awesome place. Nice and airy, great transport links and safe area but after a few days we noticed something was a little off in the house. There were 3 girls in the house and 1 guy. Initially the guy was there with his wife but she left him the day after we moved in. So sad. We only ever saw the guy walking around, the girls would never leave their rooms unless absolutely necessary and we eventually found out why. We started finding pornography on the bathroom floor, not hidden at all or soft stuff either, just straight up XXX magazines right there in the middle of the floor. We kept binning it but it would just turn up again. Eventually we talked to one of the girls and it turns out that the guy was the worst kind of creep. He would stand outside the girls rooms, apparently doing nothing but just listening (or nothing he was caught doing), and he would also lurk outside the bathroom when they went in. When the girls would be doing something in the kitchen he would stand in there just watching them, not saying a word. It probably didn't help that he was muscular as hell and I can see how the girls would be intimidated by him. My ex however took poo poo from no one and the moment he tried that with her she told him to gently caress off. From then on he would steal our food and other petty cowardly things that we couldn't PROVE was him, even if there was no one else in the house. We started having problems where the hot water would cut out during a shower, and then having to walk downstairs to turn it back on. It is a dial, not a switch, it has to be physically turned by hand to turn it on or off. Maybe he did that to make whichever girl was in the shower get out and walk downstairs in a towel. Knowing this, and knowing he and I were the only ones in the house, I checked the dial, it was on, jumped in the shower and not long after it went cold. A second or 2 later the front door closes and from the window I see him walk down the road. So I locked him out and got on with my shower. He returns, starts banging on the door. And keeps banging. For like 4 hours. In the end he climbs in through a window and he is pissed. He knew it was me, just like I know it was him loving with the hot water (though he kept denying it and on principle so did I, ghosts right?). I had already called up the landlord (again) before the guy got back into the house, knowing full well how this was going to go, and he turned up to catch this rear end in a top hat in a foaming-at-the-mouth rage and promptly gave him notice to get the hell out.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 16:18 |
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I had an Croatian roommate that was really weird. One of the first thing he let me know about him when we met was that he was a muslim but that he wasn't circumcised. Another time when we're watching tv one of those yogurt commercials came on and he let me know he was eating those and he had never shitted better in his life because of it. He also made it abundantly clear during the Serbia and Yugoslavia break up that if it got out of hand he would travel there AK-47 in hand.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 17:44 |
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This is kinda poorly laid out, because I'm just typing poo poo as I remember it. Sorry if it's hard to follow. My lovely roommate story begins last August, when a friend (who we'll call Timmy, since it's his name) of mine was given a house by his grandfather. Long story short it needed a shitload of work but was a neat place and the mortgage only had a year left on it. Eventually a closer friend (alias Frank) of mine also joined in the fun, and everything was great. We got the house live-able again, made it into a nice bachelor pad. Timmy got the whole downstairs to himself, and Frank and I got the upstairs. The agreement was that we would help Timmy fix his house, and would fix up the upstairs with mostly our own funds, save for appliances and a few other things. Timmy had always been kind of an immature shithead, but never an rear end in a top hat. This slowly changed over the weeks. First he spent all his paychecks on weed and clothes for his girlfriend, so he never had any money to contribute to his house. He would call us up and tell us to do poo poo like, "get the washing machine (which was broken) downstairs by noon, I'm getting a working one today". So we did, and weeks later it was still there, and the "new" one was shittier and also broken. The stove he bought was likewise a busted piece of poo poo, and despite promises of getting a fridge in 6 months that never happened either. Our "kitchen" ended up being a mini-fridge, microwave, and toaster oven. Classy. Timmy wakes me up at 6am one morning, furious and demanding to know if I took his $50 from a little chest in his room. Of course I hadn't, I wasn't even aware he had $50 or I would've asked for his part of the electric bill. He flies off into a rage about how it must have been Frank, which is just as insane because Frank has a better job than Timmy and doesn't need his money. We eventually figured out from speaking to his girlfriend that he had spent the money and then forgotten he had, which explains why he was constantly broke. Timmy stopped even coming home, sometimes for days or a week (or weeks) at a time, while the two cats downstairs in his space (I should not that the upstairs and downstairs were not connected, each had their own entrance) turned it into a gigantic litterbox. Frank and I kept the upstairs clean, and did what work we could to fix it up. One day Frank and I make a run to get food, and when we get back my iPod is gone. It was on the table when we left, and gone we we got back an hour and a half later. I asked Timmy's dad, who lived farther up the driveway (about an 1/8mile from our place) if he had seen anyone up at the house during that time-frame, and he said Timmy had been. So I confront Timmy and he flat out denies it, calls me a douchebag and accuses me of taking his $50 again. A month or so later, 2 days after Christmas and just as I get back home after a 6 hour drive, I get a call from him, yelling about how Frank and I's area is "nasty" and "full of trash". I admit, there was a food bowl and a cup on the living room table, and the trash needed taken out, but compared to his space, it was a loving OR. He then starts saying Frank and I never do any work around the house, at which point I went off on him, reminding him that he hadn't been home for a month, and that if he wasn't going to put any work or money into his goddamn house why the gently caress should I? He didn't have a response so just started repeating himself, at which point I cheerfully said "gently caress you, dude!" and hung up. 5 minutes later I got a text from him telling me to get my poo poo out by Wednesday. When Frank found out what happened he called Timmy, told him essentially the same thing, and good luck trying to afford the place all by yourself. gently caress that guy, what a complete rear end in a top hat.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 17:49 |
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I have been letting a homeless couple stay with me for the last couple weeks. It all started when I found them sleeping in a car in my apartment's parking lot. I woke up the guy and asked him what he was doing there. My first thought was that they were drunk/on drugs and i was considering calling the police. After talking to him it turns out they were sober but basically had all their possesions in the car and were on their last bit of money and gasoline with no place to go. I went back to my apartment and locked all my valuables in my room and made them a place to sleep in the living room. They were a bit apprehensive but i insisted they stay with me and they eventually accepted. Things went surprisingly well, they are a young couple who have struggled with addiction and were running from pretty lovely home lives. They never stole anything and really didn't make a nuisance of themselves. The deal I made with them was that they could shower, eat my food, watch t.v. or whatever they wanted at night but that during the day they needed to be looking for work. They were really cool about showing up around my bed time and being gone by the time i woke up. Aside from leaving me alone during the day the only rule I gave them was absolutely no drugs or alcohol in my home. I found this kind of funny as I'm dealing with my own addiction issues and was up in my room getting hosed up every night they were here. Well last night they didn't show up and i kind of freaked. I called the jail, the hospital, I called friends who had met them, no one had seen them. After not finding them I pretty much knew they were out using drugs. They know literally 0 other people in this town and drugs are easy to find. I'm pretty upset but not all that surprised. Both of them had actually gotten interviewed for jobs and were waiting on call backs (so they claim), so its frustrating to see them throw it away. So now I've spent half my morning driving around to all the dope houses I know looking for them with no luck. My only real shot at this point is spotting the car and hopefully finding them in it. If i find them I'm not sure if I want to invite them back or just slap the loving poo poo out of them for being so retarded.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 18:00 |
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Dr. Spiderman posted:First semester of my freshman year in college, oh man. Wow, sounds like that door got jiggered! Do you have more like this? Your roommate sounds like a tryhard loser.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 18:02 |
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Haha man, I've got plenty. We pranked that guy all semester long basically, to the point where one night he left and stayed with his parents for like a week. We had glued a bunch of lovely colored pencil drawings to his big screen and left it there as our own "original programming"*. He woke up the next day and it looked like he was about to have an asthma attack and then, without saying a word, packed some clothes and got in his car and left. This was a Saturday, and we didn't see him until the following Friday afternoon. I guess he left one of his textbooks in the house and was too mad to come grab it so he decided to just take the zero on the assignment. I had a really peaceful week though. * The tv was fine, we got it all off in like 10 minutes and you couldn't even tell anymore. Messing with his stuff seemed to always become this huge issue so I always tried to make it blow up as big as possible so everyone could see all the weirdness this guy had simmering just below the surface. Dr. Spiderman fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 19:11 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 18:16 |
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Wow, you would think the school would "screen" potential roommates a little better! I had a similar situation with a roommate who was obsessed with bathroom cleanliness. Like, don't leave stuff out on the counter, clean it once a week - a bunch of that bullshit. We rigged an apparatus in an air duct DIRECTLY over his shower. It was basically a bucket full of red dye hooked up to my cordless Craftsman drill and a pulley system that would activate and bore through the pail when he turned the shower on. Took about three days to set everything up (drill had to be on a track that would move it forward the right distance through the bucket, then back to let the dye drip out). Thankfully we had neighbors in the engineering program (thanks nerds) because let me tell you, my roomie was seeing red when that bore got triggered.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 18:41 |
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When I was living in a dorm with 4 people I had some pretty horrible roomies over the years with one being the most awful and strangest among them. He was a Chinese guy, which shouldn't matter at all. But it gave everything that little bit of extra creepiness: whether my girlfriend was visiting or not, he would walk into the kitchen to put some pizza in the oven wearing nothing but a tight boxerbrief and a (soup?)stained wifebeater. I had to tell him multiple times to cover up. Also this happened: At some point I noticed the refrigerator light had stopped working. I asked him what had happened since we were sharing the frigde. He then told me that he had removed the bulb since it was heating up his food... when the refrigerator was closed! I swear this really happened. However, the one incident that really stood out was this: I walked into the bathroom one day and noticed a dildo standing on the shelf in plain sight. Now I'm not prude but I was living with four guys (including me) at the time, so that struck me as odd. When I asked around whose dildo it was, he responded that it was his. He also informed me that he had gotten it for free with the purchase of a Fleshlight. He then proceeded to show me said fleshlight and to meticulously explain how the thing was to be cleaned. This was the point when I began to have nightmares of my girlfriend having Chinese babies after using our toilet. I moved out not too long after that. silverspleen fucked around with this message at Jul 10, 2012 around 18:58 |
| # ? Jul 10, 2012 18:53 |
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^^^----- that mcdonalds picture has been making the rounds lately. I think it was originally posted to Redditt . Also it seems to have shown up lately as well which doesn't vibe with your time table. I think you've got some splainin to do. 
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 19:09 |
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Dr. Spiderman posted:Haha man, I've got plenty. We pranked that guy all semester long basically, to the point where one night he left and stayed with his parents for like a week. We had glued a bunch of lovely colored pencil drawings to his big screen and left it there as our own "original programming"*. He woke up the next day and it looked like he was about to have an asthma attack and then, without saying a word, packed some clothes and got in his car and left. This was a Saturday, and we didn't see him until the following Friday afternoon. I guess he left one of his textbooks in the house and was too mad to come grab it so he decided to just take the zero on the assignment. Hey why'd you take out the sweet pic of that rad prank you actually played on your roommate in real life??? I thought all the McDonalds stuff everywhere was p. cool
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 19:24 |
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Not my roommate (thank gently caress), but a res-mate of mine at varsity who also turned into one a dreadful roommate after some of my other mates moved in with her. To clarify, our residences at my university are not exactly like halls of residence elsewhere. The closest example I can think of are like large live-in sororities. Everyone gets to know each other quite intimately and your res-mates are quite often your closest friends at university. This girl started going off the rails about a year and a half before we all moved out of residence. I don't know what the hell was wrong with her, but she was a drama student which made it really difficult to detect that something was, in fact, wrong and she wasn't just harmlessly eccentric like her colleagues. Unfortunately, something was just seriously wrong with her and we were too stupid to notice. First she started nicking stuff off of her friends. That was common and harmless enough, but it turned out she was hoarding all of it in her closet in a giant heap of unwashed clothes and random poo poo. She never did any laundry and reeked of perfume that she used to cover the kind of vague musty smell. The smell was quite obvious for a while but the pile was only discovered much, much later when a mutual friend went in there to look for a sentimental item of clothing. The horror! The entire inside of the closet was just like moldy clothes reeking of fungus and perfume. To this day I can't smell that brand of perfume without gagging a little. She was prone to violent acts of excessive panic, for instance if she phoned her folks and couldn't get a hold of them immediately she'd assumed they'd been carjacked and left for dead by the side of the road and freak the gently caress out. Granted, they were a creepily close family unit, so we all just assumed she was being a drama queen. About nine months or so before the end of our final year in res, I noticed that she'd ceased to really go anywhere. She'd hang out at the res-management committee's communal computer all day and all night in the same black terry cloth gown with half a mug of what turned out to be wine, watching videos. I don't think she ever bathed. Her perfect Stepford makeup and the weird perfume just kind of made it difficult to tell. Also, she was up all hours, so no-one ever even saw her doing any kind of hygienic activity. From time to time we'd all go out for dinner and drinks. We'd drag her out to join us and she'd get a self-service salad plate on which she'd build up these giant volcanoes of various salad things. She'd then cover it in thousand islands sauce like lava and proceed to eat all of it with her fingers. The same fingers that hadn't seen a bath in who the gently caress knows how long. She'd compliment this by sneaking slugs of wine from a bottle of old-rear end rose that she kept in her giant purse for this purpose. God. The wine. She got her whole stock of nasty vinegar-juice from a res function which she had organised months before she'd started deteriorating. She held on to all the leftovers including bottles that had been open for months, working on it a coffee mug full at a time. Now, that was a seriously alcohol stock, since it was a dinner, wine and dance kind of function for about 150 people. We used to get wine sponsored as well, so there really was no shortage of leftovers. Well, after res she moved in with some friends. Aside from loving up all their furniture, eating all of their food and drinking all of their booze while not leaving the house for the first two months, it turned out she'd also stolen both of their rent money and neglected to pay any rent to the landlady. For two months. After that poo poo broke, her dad had to bail her out financially. Like the creepy "happy family" kind of people they seem to be, her folks just did nothing and let her carry on. She's now a school teacher, drunk as gently caress in the middle of day, and apparently anorexic to boot. None of her old friends have seen her in months. I ran into her last year. I heard a girl (who looked exactly like her) speaking in her very singular voice, tapping at a cellphone with her grubby little manicured stubs and walked straight up to her to say hi. She didn't even acknowledge me and later denied having been in town that day, even though several other people also saw her. When you call, she screens her voicemail and then texts you back at odd times, making it impossible to actually find out how she's doing. Sometimes I catch a faint whiff of that perfume. When I whirl around to see if she's there, its inevitably some other woman and I'm left to wonder how the hell she is. Actually, now that I've typed out all of that it occurs to me that it probably should've been in E/N and I'm rather 
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 19:57 |
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"Chris" remains my most awful roommate. At the time, I was renting a room from some friends of mine that owned a house. It was pretty good, we all got along, cleaned up most of the time, it wasn't too bad. Chris was a friend of ours that had gotten evicted from his apartment because he decided to spend all of his money on World of Warcraft. Small point that will come up later: He had gotten laid off from his job months before and instead of going out to find another one, he decided that he 'deserved' the summer playing Warcraft. His company gave him a generous severance and he blew huge chunks of it on completely ridiculous stuff. He spent $4,000.00 for an Alienware laptop that had major performance issues. He got it for the sole purpose of playing World of Warcraft away from his custom rig computer, but he usually just used it to watch porn while he played Warcraft. When Chris moved in with us, he was told that he would have to sleep on the couch because all of the rooms were occupied. My room was too small to fit anything (or anyone) else in and we were using the spare room as a hang out/games room. Chris agreed and everything seemed fine at first. He started out eating almost two weeks' worth of food over the course of three days. Since he wasn't working, he spent most of his time playing World of Warcraft. Did I mention he would go WEEKS without showering, or even washing clothes? We had a washer and dryer in the house, but he would just wear the same clothes for days on end. When he was at home, he'd usually stay in the computer/game room and play World of Warcraft in binges - 18 hours were not uncommon. He would even go as far as ignore when people talked to him. If we ate breakfast, he would join us, eat with his head down (and sometimes his laptop next to his plate) and then finish and grunt a few words and leave. The funniest thing that I can recall was when I got two of the other roommates into watching Lost. We invited him to watch with us, and he declined, making some comment that his time would be better spent playing WoW, and he rolled his eyes and dismissed us. We offered every few episodes and he declined, then we were halfway through the third season when he came in the back living room, stood by the tv and said "So fill me in on what's happened" and my roommate exploded. He screamed something like "You dumb douchebag, we're not going to sum up three seasons of lost, you had the chance to watch it with us, what, did your raid cancel early?" and he just slunk away. We offered to take him out with us drinking, bowling, hanging out (he went out with me one time to the book store) and turned down going out for my birthday with all of us because he wanted to re-run through Karazhan, a dungeon or something that he had ran through no less than fifty times before. It was like watching someone just unravel and self-destruct in front of you. He also had really really bad diabetes but wouldn't exercise or watch his diet. He'd come in shaking, like trembling, and clutching a Monster energy drink. We tried to point out that he looked like he was about to die and he'd roll his eyes at us. Coupled with his inevitable psychotic breakdown and his burning every bridge available we finally kicked him out.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 20:00 |
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My last roommate would cook cheap grocery store styro-packed steaks in a frying pan with maple syrup, cinnamon, and vanilla a few times a week. He'd cook them to well done and our house always smelled like burnt steak and pancakes. He also grunted and howled loud as poo poo like some kind of crazed animal when he'd have sex with his girlfriend.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 20:04 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 00:55 |
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I've been pretty fortunate to have never really had a lovely roommate. My first roommate put me in some interesting and awkward situations, but none were that bad. I'll tell the one that people seem to get a laugh out of though. One weeknight, I believe it was a Wednesday, I was up at around 1AM doing some homework on my computer and as I'm typing, I can hear someone coming up the stairs of the dorm, which shared a wall with our bedroom. CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! Ok, those are not the normal sounds a person coming up the stairs makes. I hear the person get to our floor and start walking down the hallway, then they stop. Oh god, please don't let this be my roommate I think, and then I hear the keycard in the door. The door opens and before I can even see his face, leading the way through the door frame is a stop sign, full 8 foot long pole still attached. He comes in crazy excited, drunkenly stammering about how he got us a stop sign for the room. It was then that I explained to him that stealing road signs is actually a felony and he panicked and tried to hide it behind the bed, while simultaneously gouging the paint on the walls as he did it. Finally I walked out into the hall and got a neighbor to help me take the sign back out to where he claimed he got it from. As we're walking down the street, a cop pulls up next to us to obviously ask us why we're walking a stop sign down the road. We explained to him what had happened and he escorted us back to where the spot was. When we got there it was clear that a car had hit the pole where the sign was and knocked it over and whoever was driving took off, so he knew my roommate didn't deliberately break the sign and steal it. He ended up letting us go, but the next day the story did end up in the crime notes section of the student newspaper (which I actually worked for). I remember telling someone at the paper the story a couple years later and she was actually the one who typed it up. She got a pretty good laugh out of the fact that I was the one in the story.
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| # ? Jul 10, 2012 20:10 |
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