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Rulebook Heavily posted:
Clarification on bonus point one, please! Does the restriction mean that any art produced must be created solely through non-digital means? In other words, if I want to draw a picture of angry lawyers in a courtroom, must I use pen and paper instead of Illustrator, or if I wanted to record a song for courtroom backdrop, must I use piano and guitar instead of Ableton?
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Aug 4, 2012 02:03
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The only digital means you may use are those needed to record your creation, such as a camera or similar. Analog arts and crafts rule this day, and that means breaking out the pencils and pianos! And it seems I'll do one last duty today.  I see you signed up just to take part, Slor The Destroyer. Commendable in its own right, I suppose. But signing on half an hour late will not cut it. You are free to discuss the contest games, even make your game, but you will not officially be part of the contest.
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Aug 4, 2012 02:07
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Someone is going to know what it is to roast in the belly of the slor this day!
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Aug 4, 2012 02:20
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I created a game about getting yourself kicked out of contests. I've already playtested it and everything. I don't think it's possibly to beat my run, though.
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Aug 4, 2012 02:34
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Oh man these bonus objectives sound amazing, I can't wait to fail them!Mors Rattus posted:No Psychodrive. 
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Aug 4, 2012 03:22
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TK-31 posted:Oh man these bonus objectives sound amazing, I can't wait to fail them! Oops, totally missed that! It will go in tomorrow morning's final roundup, with Disarmament.
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Aug 4, 2012 03:24
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Psychodrive has a pretty good blurb. I think it works pretty well, but it isn't as attention-grabbing as it could be. I do, however, feel the outline spends more time than it needs to justifying the conceits of both the setting and the rules of the contest. There are terms introduced before they're defined, and I'm not really clear on how what Synchronicity actually is or does. I will be looking forward to seeing how the stats actually come into play in the system, since it's all based on just pure narrative negotiation. Ultimately I think the outline could have stood to focus more on explaining the tools the game would be using rathar than justifying itself, but it wasn't terrible. Disarmament has an interesting blurb, but not a great one. It's acceptable but not thrilling. This game feels somewhere between an rpg and...well, I can't say a 'board game' since there is no board, but it reminds me a bit of Diplomacy. It's an interesting premise, though I'm worried by the fact that resolution is still a mystery. I'd like to see more here and hope that the mechanics turn out to be interesting.
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Aug 4, 2012 17:44
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THIS IS NOT MY FIRST MODULE This is a first draft of Jurassic Central Park the rules module, which I will eventually submit, but people said they were interested, and I had this first draft typed up https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K08nb_dqo07FGz7VvXALl9MXrq36C48-0lOrpnsQmjk/edit
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Aug 4, 2012 19:49
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Totally unsurprised that cards have ruled the day when dice are outlawed. I hope somebody switches to a cootie-catcher based randomizing agent.
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Aug 4, 2012 19:55
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Thanks for the feedback. I was a little crunched for time on the outline so I didn't get in everything I wanted, like more detailed resolution. My original idea was even more board game-y, but I've been turning the idea around in my head and I think it can work as an RPG with some more development. My thinking was that a group of threats would be roughly analogous to a combat/encounter in other games, and between those there'd be roleplaying involving making public statements, having meetings with other players, and dealing with NPC bureau chiefs, undercover contacts, etc.
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Aug 4, 2012 20:04
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Time for a little cleanup. Reviews for outlines are forthcoming, but don't hesitate to post your progress even if you haven't seen yours reviewed yet.
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Aug 4, 2012 20:50
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WOO! So far so good. Looks like I'm in the runnings! Now I actually HAVE to finish this design off and come up with a good endgame. Also, I would like to thank Mors Rattus, for a rather positive review.
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Aug 5, 2012 12:14
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Mors Rattus posted:'Lil Eldritch Horrors has a pretty great ad blurb and premise. This looks like it's going to be hilarious. Playing as toddlers, even demon-toddlers, seems like a challenge. That said, I worry that the imaginary friend/monster encounters will seem too much like combat for the contest. Still, I can see this matching, say, Leverage in combat content, which is fair. What does "something embarrassing" mean? Are we talking dirty diapers and burping? The Tarot as a resolution mechanic will be interesting if it works out. I want to see it in action before I make any real comments on it - I can see it being great or terrible and gimmicky. Hooray, someone tentatively likes my game!  For "something embarrassing", yes, we are talking dirty diapers, burping, puking, falling down on your face, saying something particularly puerile because the infant's mortal brain has temporarily taken over the demonic mind powering it and so on. You lose your ante, but only temporarily, when something embarrassing happens. On that note, my first draft of the Rules Module. This is not my official submission, but I am soliciting advice, criticism and suggestions based on the rules I've come up with so far: I'm allowed to do that, right? The character module will officially state how many chips each character starts the game with, but right now I'm leaning towards 3x black (0 value), 5x blue (1 value) and 2x red (2 value).
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Aug 5, 2012 15:04
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FM posted:Cheeky bastard, coming through! I like this so far. Is there any advantage to be gained knowing the left hand page of the book will be an even number and the right hand page will be odd? Also thinking about edge cases, what happens if you flip to a blank page or a diagram?
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Aug 5, 2012 16:21
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 First Ten Outline ScoresBefore the reviews proper begin, let me quote the guideline and scoring rules I posted when the contest was launched. quote:Your Project Outline must contain no less than half a page of text and no more than five pages. If your organization involves wiki or google docs, I will copy the whole thing into Word in size 12 Times New Roman single column and line spacing and check for myself. More detailed and complete project outlines will be regarded more highly. In addition, you must include an ad blurb for your game consisting of no more than 250 words. I will be counting, and no you may not go "a little bit over". That results in an Ad Blurb score of 0. It may be presented seperately or as part of the full outline: however, it must be clearly marked as an ad blurb (title and mark not included in the total word count) and the actual outline must still fill half a page on its own. Your blurb is not an outline. It immediately came to my attention how many people missed the most important factor: that this is a project outline, an outline for the entire process of writing, planning the different modules and similar, which means planning not just the game but the process of writing the game. As this forms completeness, and completeness is a large part of the score, that may prove problematic. However, that alone does not disqualify you from the contest, so you may breathe easier. After all, how amazing is it that I managed to get a bunch of presumably grown adults to hamfistedly force Sportacus into their games? That puts me in a good mood, let me tell you. Scores will be from 0-10, and any result of 8 or higher earns you a Bonus in the final round. So, time to begin. Ten outlines will be posted today, chosen at random. GenericGirlName's Sugar Cube Quest The ad blurb is short, but amusing. It doesn't quite work to grab me, however, and it's somewhat unclear whether you are collecting sugar cubes yourself or whether your character is - or both. In any case, the blurb could be improved by referencing the specific procedure of play less and hyping up what you do to gain sugar cubes - rather than going over the roles, focus on what the roles, and therefore players, do as those roles, and also why. Ad Blurb Score: 3 The outline is very clear about what it wants to accomplish and why. It also covers procedure of play. The roles are a little unclear, with terms being somewhat undefined. For instance, "Sugar Cube Quest is played with a single deck that takes on two roles". What roles? And how (and why) can it be replaced with a standard deck of playing cards? Most things are relatively clear from the context, though. There is no plan as to how the project will be written and the rules divided, though the overview of the rules themselves is fair. All in all, it's an odd little concept that doesn't rely on a setting to make itself work. You're on a quest for sugar cubes, now go quest! I like it. It even goes so far as to make Sportacus an active part of the rules and makes it work. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 6 + 1 Sportacus bonus = 7. Just a little more effort! Lemon Curdistan's gently caress You Erick Wujcik The ad blurb promises me a teenage drama/Canterbury Tales style roundtrip-storytelling version of Amber. I love it. It draws in the customer by telling them how they relate to the product, and is like a miniature story all on its own. One mark against it is mentioning what is technically a competing product in one that is meant to sell yours, but it's hardly avoidable what with the game's name and all. I'll be excited to see this game deliver. Ad Blurb score: 4 The outline is sparse but says what it wants to say efficiently. It does cover procedure of play, and the concept is very interesting (an overtly competitive game as well, very fitting) but there is no plan for how to achieve the goal of writing the project beyond an overview of the rules. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 4+3 = 7. No compromise of the artistic vision by mentioning an Icelandic health elf, but also no bonus earned. I'll leave it to the author to decide whether that is worth it. willing to settle and Helena P. Blavatsky's Arcana BAM. YOU are a wizard. Strong opening, leading to a hilarious setup. Short, snappy sentences carry the momentum set by the opening line. The ending doesn't have nearly the punch of the opening, but I can't deny that it's an effective blurb. Ad Blurb score: 4 The entire rest of the outline is like an ad blurb itself, which is not bad at all! It's clear about what it wants to achieve without being bogged down in any kind of mechanics language at this early stage, and it sells the concept thoroughly. However, it does not plan out the project itself beyond a basic overview of the rules and procedure of play. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 4+3= 7. So close. So close. Ettin's Retrocausality Even if this game weren't within the first cheeky window (by somehow managing to stay inside it before I posted about it, no less), this blurb would manage to practically fill that gap on its own. It starts slow and builds up well, and my god how many dinosaur jokes can you plausibly fit into 250 words? It catches my interest, it's funny, it involves the reader, and it promises wild things. The one criticism I have is that it's a bit of a rollercoaster rather than a buildup towards a single conclusion, but that's not a big problem. Ad Blurb score: 4 This outline is very clear on its goals, it goes over its basic mechanics and procedure of play, it maps out the entire competition ahead of time, and isn't this just about the perfect game to do that in? It remains interesting and funny, with references to what can be used (and notably what will not be) and lays out alternate concepts which can be used, drawn on or discarded as the project evolves. Not just the game, but the process of making the game. Exactly as the doctor ordered. Outline score: 5 Final Score: 4+5 +1 amazing Sportacus reference/Cheeky Bastard = 10. Retrocausality earns a Bonus. Auralsaurus Rex's Stock Sharks The blurb certainly involves the reader. It doesn't do much to sell me on the game, but the idea of the game directly addressing the reader like a friend isn't bad at all. It starts off strong, stumbles over itself a little bit, then picks up after the drunkeness bit to a reasonable conclusion. Ad Blurb score: 3 The outline covers how the game will play, the basic rules concepts (with notes that it's not set in stone - smart planning) and lays out a barebones plan for the future. Very bare bones. It's there, but there's not a lot to it. That still merits recognition. Outline Score: 4 Final Score: 3+4 +1 Sportacus/Cheeky Bastard = 8. Stock Sharks earns a Bonus. TK-31's Psychodrive I can't help but feel that this blurb would be more effective if the first sentence were cut, or moved to the end. Draw the audience in before trying to sell them your product! The sentences run on just a little too long, and the payoff doesn't grab me much: it's a little too middle-of-the-road all the way through. Ad Blurb score: 3 The outline itself also hedges its bets a little too much. It talks about what the author wants to do, but won't do here, or how this is all really important (I guess), or making your destiny (whether you like it or not). It's clear (although terms are defined a little out of order), but it doesn't feel enthused about what it wants to do. It does thoroughly plan ahead, complete with examples, rules and play procedures, so full marks there: the one area it has trouble is in selling me on it. Outline Score: 4 Final Score: 3+4 +1 Cheeky Bonus = 8. Psychodrive earns a Bonus. self_invention's Earth Needs Rock Stars A great blurb, first from a point-of-view character who builds it up as a blurb should, then an overview of the setting built in the same way, continuing naturally from the first. I have just one complaint: The blurb isn't specifically marked as such, as was requested, so that drops the score by one. Whoops! Ad Blurb Score: 4 But drat does the document not let go anyway. The rules are a bit bare bones but they catch my interest, and the rest becomes more or less a table of contents minus the contents. There is also no plan to divide the rules into modules. At least I'm sold on the concept! Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 3+4= 7. You include Jem and the Holograms but not Sportacus, and alas only an Icelandic elf counts towards the bonus. Radioactive Bears' The Rookies "A Diceless RPG by Radioactive Bears" indeed. Dare you to quote that one out of context. Hell yes sports movies. What a way to kick your audience right in the combined nerd inferiority complex and following up with a shot at their nostalgia. It communicates what you do in the game without ever once specifically referring to anything but the theme of the game, and that's quite something. Short, easily grasped eye-catching sentences with a payoff at the end. Ad Blurb score: 5. The outline catches my interest, promising an interesting system for meeting the themes of what it's emulating rather than trying to stat out the minutiae. It covers basic gameplay and rules, but there is no plan for how to proceed or split this concept into separate modules from this point on. The fact that the sports RPG managed to avoid invoking Sportacus is amazing to me, by the way. Outline score: 3. Final Score: 5+3= 8. Without invoking a single bonus objective, The Rookies earns itself a Bonus. Red_Mage's Amp 2 Amp Well that's a -1 for not specifically marking the Ad Blurb. The outline does build up very well, written like the concept of a scene in a movie or in a manner meant to make the audience visualize it and using words like a drumbeat to emphasize everything, but the entire thing is just a block of text. An effective blurb, but marred. This should have been a clear 4 or 5. Ad Blurb score: 3 The outline has an interesting collection of titles and... yeah. Some of them don't even have vague references to what will be in them. I'm interested, but it doesn't do much to feed my interest. The concept itself is rocking, making a game out of another game in a way only geeks can. But there is no plan on how the project - or even the game itself - will proceed! I am not at all clear on much of anything here. Well, besides what I presume the author considers important: the bit where you play Guitar Hero! Outline Score: 2 Final Score: 3+2 = 5. A bumpy start for this garage band. Flaky Biscuit's Intersector Wow. Yeah, okay, you got me. Short, powerful sentences constructed in a fairly classical rhetorical style. Tossing out concepts and ideas that drag you in, begging for an explanation, each building on the last. Involving the audience in the mix halfway through, carrying towards the conclusion, ending on a question the game will presumably help you answer. Alternately, this blurb might cause someone to recoil from sheer perceived pretentiousness immediately upon contact! I can't give this less than full marks as an ad blurb. I don't think this could do anything but provoke a strong reaction in the audience, whether good or bad. Ad Blurb score: 5 Aaand where's my explanation, damnit. Talk about tossing someone straight into the pool! I'm interested, the concept is fascinatingly weird, but it doesn't really work with me to clarify itself! There's an overview of the rules which I can technically work my way through (emphasis on work), and what is there is interesting, but there is no plan of action to go forward and finish the project. The only thing I know is that I want to learn more, and there's no helpful button to push to get it. Outline Score: 2 Final Score: 5+2 + Cheeky Bonus = 8. I don't even understand it, but Intersector still earns a Bonus. And that's ten outlines reviewed. I'll do no more today to make things fair for everyone else, but I feel we're off to a great start. Hopefully, these outlines will aid the authors and everyone else in proceeding as planned. Assuming you planned, of course.
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Aug 5, 2012 22:42
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Rulebook Heavily posted:Assuming you planned, of course. In the interest of full disclosure I feel I should quote the following snippet from #badwrongfun on synirc: [22:57] <LemonCurdistan> spoiler: my game outline did not contain a project outline because I am literally making this poo poo up as I go along
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Aug 5, 2012 23:11
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I'm dropping out. I don't think I can get a working game done in time.
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Aug 5, 2012 23:30
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 Can't even hand out bonuses without a disqualification, can I?
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Aug 6, 2012 00:15
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Ode To The Players 'Twas five o'clock, before the sun had set and sent the eager bookies to the halls to place upon tomorrow's teams a bet; that one should win, the other take the fall. But in the stadium the lights did twinkle, the sound of pads colliding shook the sky, the coach's face was furrowed with a wrinkle, a furious glare a'pouring from his eye. "Again!" the shout erupted from his lips, and dutif'ly the players did engage, "Again!" he screamed, "explode more from your hips!" but naught the players did could quell his rage. At last, the player's will was all but strangled, they gasped for breath, poured water on their heads. They made it through, their bodies not yet mangled; though all their minds could ponder were their beds. But as each lay upon their mattress dear, the 'morrow's game began to seem so real. Their first game of Arenaball this year, the moment they'd prepared for with such zeal. At last, they fell asleep beneath the sheets, their snoring loud enough to wake the dead. So grab your pencils, and your player sheets, it's you who gets to live inside their head. Oh! Will you guide them to a season fill'd with triumphs they will sing of far and wide? Or see your team's ambitions unfulfill'd? At this point it is your fate to decide. So call your plays and throw it down the field! So guard your quarterback like you're a wall! Run through the defense, score to seal the deal, it's all here in the game Arenaball! (still working on my rules module, but the artistic challenge was right up my alley so I couldn't help but post it early!)
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Aug 6, 2012 00:56
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Rulebook Heavily posted:Assuming you planned, of course. O ye of faith.
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Aug 6, 2012 03:12
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 Rules Layout Is Serious Business Taking a break from my writing to cry to the thread about it! Working out what goes where is hard. I want things to flow well. I want players to have to stop and look something else up as little as possible. I want it to be simple and engaging. So look at this loving thing: quote:TASK RESOLUTION That's the draft of my basic task resolution system. (Originally I was going to have a third option where you were just checking for Colour, red or black, but this is simpler.) It hits all the main points, or at least I think it does. Obviously the basic mechanics should go at the start, probably right after "What is a roleplaying game?" and "PS: bring playing cards". Cool, problem solved. That section doesn't answer everything, though. For example: What does failure mean? What's a critical failure? What's a critical success? What kind of things can the Queen and Joker be used on? Now, since (most of) us know how elfgames work, we can hazard a guess for most of those. Actually, though, I am using the "fail forward" idea proposed in games like 13th Age, where failure could be anything from "nothing happens" to "you succeed, but with unwanted consequences". So a section on how success and failure work would be great. Oh, and we can fold critical successes into that too. What about Jokers and Queens, though? What's the difference between failing forward and drawing a Queen, exactly? Should they get their own section? Should these sections come before or after, say, character creation? Oh, and examples! Those are great. Maybe an example of Targets and special cards: quote:Example: Jack Horne is pretty sure there is a dinosaur in modern-day New York – and he wants to find it. Jack's player decides to use his Famous Paleontologist Skill to find it. The Target for this task is 8. Jack's player draws a Card – a 5. Luckily, Jack's Skill adds a +3 to this check, for a total of 8. Jack succeeds, and realises the hot dog stand guy is a brontosaurus. quote:Example: Mei Lin wants to use her Gemini Time Skill to recruit some future selves to help her win a Battle of the Bands contest and help her parents hook up. The Target for this task is ♥. Mei Lin draws 3♦ – wrong suit, right colour. The performance by the “Lin Twins” works, but now the GM has a Queen he can use against her later. An Example of Play section might work, situated after Character Creation and How To Do Stuff. Jokers and Queens and other special cards should get their own section, though, which means these examples might be better off there. And wait, what's an average Target? How hard is something with, say, Target 11? Where would that section go? augh And so on. Every time I answer a question I find more questions. I have the basics down (Basic Mechanics → Character Creation and Other Rules → Example of Play), but not the specific order, and I need to figure out where, when and how to use my examples. I feel like I am going to gently caress something up and not realise it later, like I am building a house of cards and it is only a matter of time before I realise that there is a big section in the middle being held up not by cards, but by my erect member. For now, I am just writing down everything I can think of in a rough semblance of order and rearranging it later. Having a draft and words written down is more important than having them in the perfect order, and I can always ask people to look over it for me later. Also, I am looking up how other books do layout. Good ones! 13th Age is out because it is a beta that assumes the reader is a big D&D fan. Dresden Files RPG might be worth a look because Evil Hat owns, and I have heard Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition has a decent layout. Actually I think I will just open every RPG book I have and try to get a feel for what works and what doesn't.
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Aug 6, 2012 06:08
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Ten Outline Reviews It's time for the next ten reviews. But a note: If you're waiting for your outline to be reviewed before continuing, don't. You're losing valuable time worrying over little. Kwyndig's Emperor Mittens This ad blurb is minimally descriptive, but it's just not very good at selling me on serving a psychic cat emperor. What does Mittens want? What does he do? Why do people compete to serve him? How do they do this? What is a Region and why do I choose it? With 250 words to work with, a few more could have been spent to spruce this up beyond the absolute minimum. Ad Blurb score: 2 The game outline itself reminds me somewhat of a game designed to play a petty bureaucrat from China who will one day be deposed by a daring band of xia out for vengeance. And that's not a bad thing! Domain management is a neat area of RPGs that isn't too often (or well) explored. However, the terms are undefined for the most part throughout the document, making it a little unclear (I didn't even understand that it was a game of domain management until almost halfway through!) and there is no plan for how the game will continue to be written. Outline score: 2 Final Score: 2+2 = 4. Not a bad concept, probably not a bad game when it is made, but this outline is slapdash. Gau's Traceuse -1 for not specifically marking the ad blurb, I'm afraid. A short but interesting piece, immediately establishing important things and concepts. Given a couple of rewrites, the blurb itself could be made to run where it jogs. Ad Blurb score: 3 It seems Gau had a newer outline posted, so I have revised this section. This outline now covers basic play much more thoroughly (which is to say at all). Now I'm far more sold on the concepts presented, and the gameplay outline grabs me really well. Trying to simulate the feel of running in a game like this is a great objective. It still doesn't plan the other modules, but it's far better than the original. Outline score: 3 Final Score: 3+3 = 6. Better, but not perfect. This would be a seven if not for a missing label! Ulta's Jurassic Central Park What can I say? This game, its concept and its blurb has captured the hearts and mouths of hungry gamers already. It's short and funny but cuts off rather abruptly in what feels like the middle. Ad Blurb score: 4 The concept is tight, I can't deny that. I look forward to any playtest recording being absolutely disgusting. The concept is summed up in a series of clear bullet points that tell me what the game is about. What I am not as clear on is whether the three sections outlined for the rules are meant to be a plan for how to write the game. I take it as such, but award it a -1 penalty for being unclear. Outline score: 4 Final Score: 4+4 +1 Sportacus = 9. Jurassic Central Park earns a delicious Bonus. Mikan's Roster Interesting? It's not every day I see a game try to sell me on the idea of ruining my life. It also doesn't tell me what the Roster is, other than a ticket to potential greatness. In this case, the blurb is based on the deliberate withholding of information to catch interest. It's not perfect, but it works. Ad Blurb score: 4 The outline itself is functional and direct about what it intends and why, with a nice overview of how the game is envisioned to work (if not a 100% complete one). There is no plan for how the modules will be written. I like the concept, but it doesn't do a lot to sell itself to me. Outline score: 3 Final score: 4+3 +1 irl Sportacus = 8. Roster writes itself a Bonus. PublicOpinion's The Mage-Lords of Arymavon It's quick, it's short, and half of it is trying to sell me on the specific mechanical implementation rather than the game and its themes. It works, but it could be made to be so much better. Ad Blurb score: 3 The outline itself runs on a little bit, but it covers the procedures of play, some basic rules and, impressively for this competition, a to-do list. It's not the to-do list I wanted, but it gets a point anyway. The idea of three-stooges style game of powerful wizards is funny and interesting, and the game is very clear on what it wants to accomplish. Outline score: 4 Final Score: 3+4 = 7. Just a bonus objective away. UberJew's Dis?Unity I almost missed where it specifically marked the ad blurb. This is a good format for an ad blurb, but the specific emphasis could use a little work. "It is the height of the Cold War" has a harder punch than "That's only if you can hold the country together", y'know? Still a strong effort with short, clear sentences. Ad Blurb score: 4 It doesn't cover procedure of play, but it does mention what it needs to accomplish in its rules modules. It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan. It goes over what will work, what to avoid, has an interesting concept and doesn't mince words. Outline Score: 4 Final Score: 4+4 = 8. No bonus objectives, but Dis?Unity earns a Bonus for keeping it together. Man-Thing's That's a bit too much of the "short chat in elevator" tone. "Designed as a game to be played over the course of a night, say at a wine party or Smash Brothers get-together" doesn't work for me at all. It carries the concepts across, but as a blurb to sell me the game it could use a complete reconstruction from the ground up. Ad Blurb score: 2 The outline itself is clear, has a strong concept and outlines basic play procedure, but I suppose the actual plan of how to accomplish it got bogged in red tape (or some other such clever pun on municipal politics). The cards are a very nice touch, and show considerable effort and care, but the outline itself is lacking. Outline score: 3 Final score: 2+3 = 5. You won't REGRET THIS, I hope. Radioactive Bears' Super Dimensional Dream!! Twilight Armageddon For some reason I was expecting Super Robots. I suppose a dream realm works too. Honestly, the biggest problem this blurb has isn't to do with the blurb itself, but with the title of the game. It feels like a thematic mismatch. It also doesn't quite know how it wants to end. Ad Blurb score: 3 This outline is detailed and clear, confident on its concepts and has a clear idea of what it wants to accomplish. It doesn't plan out the modules, but it's obvious the author has a clear concept of what they want the game to do when it's finished. Thematic elements, procedure of play, core mechanics and mechanical addons are all detailed well. Outline Score: 4 Final Score: 3+4 = 7. That title, man. sc4rs' Arenaball I like how this blurb starts out by grounding you in a near-future sport and then suddenly BAM world peace, gang wars and performance enhancers. And then you're tossed into that mix and told to do well, which is also fun! The sentences could be made shorter and the whole blurb a little more exciting to really catch the sports feel, but that's my only criticism. Ad Blurb score: 4 The blurb covers its plans for the future (with a hilarious note on it being under construction - well yeah!), its core mechanics, its setting, the expected procedure of play... it's a thorough, detailed plan. The one problem is that it runs on a little bit in places, but it covers everything it was supposed to and does it well. Outline score: 5 Final Score: 4+5 +1 Sportacus/Cheeky bonus = 10. Arenaball shoots and scores a Bonus. MadRhetoric's Nothing Amazing Happens Here (すごいことなくない) Oh the humdrum existance of a person who lives in the intersection between at least four different animes. It gets the point it wants to across, but the problem with trying to depict crushing apathy is that it can come off as apathetic and unexciting. That's good when building towards a theme, not so good when it comes to selling people a game. Still, it makes it work in its favor by sprinkling exciting things and depicting them as grey and lifeless. Ad Blurb score: 4 The outline covers what the game is about and how it's meant to go... up to a point. After the basic overview, it lists chapters and titles without really mentioning what will go in them, and also doesn't plan its modules ahead. It does maintain a funny consistent tone throughout, though. Outline score: 3 Final Score: 4+3 +1 Sportacus (and how everyone feels about the dude) = 8. Nothing Amazing Happens Here earns a Bonus, if it cares about that sort of thing. For my next batch, I'll finish off the rest of the entries. If you don't see yours reviewed yet, again, don't let that stop you or drag you down. Keep working on your thing!
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Aug 6, 2012 16:06
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Name changing SUPER DIMENSIONAL whatever to WORLD SERPENT!! Thanks MorsRattus for the better name.
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Aug 6, 2012 16:49
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Thank you for calling me out on my  submission. This should be sufficient motivation to make my module a bit more kickass.
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Aug 6, 2012 23:28
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Thanks, Mors, between your commentary and RBH's it looks like I really need to shore up my marketing skills, showing is harder than I thought it would be when you also have to tell. I'm experimenting with layouts as well, doing away with traditional 'here's a bunch of rules that reference other rules from twenty pages in the future' and my only issue so far is that it is slightly harder to find stuff that way during play. Finding how HP is derived right before the combat section* instead of during character creation isn't super intuitive, though it does make the process of understanding (and creating) as you read the book faster. This is nothing that good bookmarking, hyperlinking, and cheat sheet-ing won't fix though, but it wouldn't be this easy in a more complicated and crunchy game. *Yes, it is under a page in length.
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Aug 7, 2012 11:00
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Put me on the wall, I wont be ready in time. I just want to apologize to my heirs who must bear this disgrace in perpetuity. Pil will be a name of infamy.
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Aug 7, 2012 19:06
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I am just pleased that Jurassic Central Park had the top score. Now to get to work on dividing up the tasks over the next few weeks. How are you guys doing this? Is it more important to do rules first, or would you rather get the fluff out of the way? Are you putting modules in buckets by chapters, or something else? Edit: Also, I am kicking myself for deleting "AD BLURB" because I thought it ruined the flow of the thing.
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Aug 7, 2012 19:13
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And all the reviews I hadn't done yet are in this post! I somehow expected more wailing, gnashing of teeth and  between posts.thanthos' Lil' Eldritch Horrors (and its Outline) This is by far the strangest premise I've read in this contest. Sort of a cross between Call of Cthulhu and Baby Geniuses, with you playing as the horror-baby? That is weird. So it's a good thing that the blurb establishes this succinctly, clearly and entertainingly for its potential audience! It has a few too many run-on sentences, but it's good nonetheless. Ad Blurb score: 4 The outline lays out not just a basic overview of the rules, but also a set of goals to design towards. It does not plan the competition out in terms of modules, but it's a good list and a good overview with a strange but interesting premise. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 4+3 = 7. Sacrificing Sportacus for tone gets you close, but not close enough. Capfalcon's Road Trip -1 for not specifically marking the ad blurb. Now I know I've criticized other games for doing this, but Road Trip's blurb focusing on mechanics is actually not a bad choice - you already know what a road trip is and what it entails. It could afford to tie the mechanics a little more closely to what we consider familiar road-trip elements, however, and it feels a little lifeless. Ad Blurb score: 3 Now I'm guessing that the "steps" here are supposed to be the modules. However, it's all a little opaque to me, so it loses out in clarity. The basic system itself is much more clear, as is the description of how play is intended to proceed. And finally, you're welcome for learning more about Icelandic sports elves. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 3+3+1 Sportacus' mysterious past = 7. A single label away. gnome7's Dungeon Manager: A King's Reward I'm a sucker for a bit of domain management and I love me some dungeon keeper. This blurb doesn't really add to my already extant interest or make me particularly excited about this version of those concepts, and is just a little bit stilted. It's a good start of a blurb which could use some rewriting. Ad Blurb score: 3 This is an outline? This is practically an entire game system! I'll give it a point for effort, even if the modules are not planned, but it also earns a -2 penalty for exceeding the space limit I set for the outline - no more than five pages for the outline itself! Outline score: 2 Final score: 3+2 +1 Sportacus = 6. This would have been a bonus if it had followed the rules. bahamut's Something Wicked This Way Comes (and Outline) Drop the entire first paragraph. I understand that it's trying for a sort of comedic tone, but undercutting the product doesn't really work unless you do it throughout the entire blurb, and its tone clashes with the rest of the text quite a bit. I really, really like this premise of the horrible human family and the tiny people who have to deal with them, and aside from the first paragraph it's a well constructed text, but that first one is doing it no favors. It would probably have been a five without it. Ad Blurb score: 4 Well, this outline is minimal, but it's clear, it explains a little bit on the rules and the passive-aggressive style without devolving the game into some kind of player-on-player antagonism is excellent. No plan for modules, however, holds it back as it does so many others. Outline score: 3 Final Score: 4+3 = 7. Up the ante, and down the unneeded paragraphs! Druggeddwarf's The Last Days of the Meek Bullying, huh? Well it's not the first time I've seen an RPG deal with internal issues. This one takes it to an almost supernatural level, casting the problem as a faceless evil. The blurb is interesting, but it doesn't explain the game itself all that well and the formatting could use a little work. Ad Blurb score: 4 I like that one of the listed goals of this outline is to get rid of the Stupid Newbie avatar. That is dedication to a theme right there. It's a great plan with dos, do nots and an overview of what can go into the game, but it doesn't plan the modules ahead. Outline score: 3 Final score: 4+3 = 7. Fight on. alakath's Deathrow LIVE! I advise everyone to check this document out if you haven't already. Although the three-column formatting annoyes me a little in the outline section, it's certainly clear enough! The blurb itself is very good - I'm awarding it a full five. Short, punchy sentences which introduce quickly grasped concepts, laced with humor throughout. The one criticism I have is with the formatting, but in this case that's not much of a problem so much as a stylistic quibble. Ad Blurb score: 5 The outline covers the basic rules (the system evokes a Roman gladiator feel which helps the theme along), the themes the game is going for, a sneaky (sp)ortacus reference, and the casting of the GM as the announcer of the games is inspired. Added to this is a full plan of what will be posted and when. Outline score: 5 Final Score: 5+5 +1 cheeky/mortacus = 11, but the max is 10. A unanimous thumbs up grants Deathrow LIVE! a bonus. FM's Due Process -1 for not specifically marking the ad blurb. It's an ad blurb which will remind people of the Devil's Advocate, and therefore Keanu Reeves. Even so, it's a strong blurb which poses a moral dilemma to the audience, always a gamble but great when it pays off. Ad Blurb score: 4 Well, it's drat detailed, I'll give it that. Even so, it lacks a plan for the modules. I think a lot of work will go into making this system as clear as it possibly can be, but I understood it just fine this time around. The aspect of using a big hefty book of rules as a randomizer appeals to me for some strange reason. Outline Score: 3 Final Score: 4+3 +1 Cheeky bonus = 8. By the book, Due Process earns itself a Bonus. Comrade Gorbash's Ministry of Heaven It's like someone read Exalted, discovered the Sidereals and said "This could be an actually good game". And if you don't understand that sentence, be glad. A good consistent tone, lots of neat words and concepts tossed out rapidfire, involving the customer with the product, it's all present. I feel it peters out a little towards the end, though. Ad Blurb score: 4 Small, clear, basic. It doesn't outline all of its specific mechanics in detail, but it probably doesn't need to. There's a strong plan for how to proceed from concept to game from week to week, leaving space for whatever odd things come up during the design process. A good outline. Outline score: 5 Final Score: 4+5 +1 Cheeky = 10. His most Excellent Divine Minister of the Workman's Comp Bonus hands one out to Ministry of Heaven. Glasgerion's Disarmament Hm. Something about this blurb confuses me a little. Maybe it's that the transition from term to abbreviation is a little abrupt? I know I stopped reading it halfway through to remind myself what a CBC was. Other than that, it doesn't really feel like it's building towards an exciting climax, more like a laying out of basic facts delivered in a fairly standard way. Could use more work. Ad Blurb score: 3 It took me a second to understand what a "TBD chance mechanic" was - to be decided, hah. This document is a little unclear, but it covers basic rules and gameplay but does not plan its modules ahead. I do like the concept as presented, even if it is a little confusing. Outline score: 2 Final Score: 3+2 +1 Cheeky bonus = 6. A gem in need of refinement. I think that is all of the outlines, though I could be wrong - I am currently battling a fever. Let me know if so, and I will remedy this. Congratulations to everyone who earned a bonus, and I hope this will motivate everyone to craft their games well. (If the impending lash will not, of course.) I'll also take this opportunity to clarify something. From now on, it's up to you to justify your game to me, not for me to prescribe what shape your game can take. Therefore, if you feel that your game is complete in just one module, you can post it by August 10th and remain in the competition through the other deadlines as long as you explain your reasoning. Similarly, if you feel it's a complete game in just two modules, you can state that on August 17th. However, after that point, you can post no further modules. You lose out on chances to earn further (or any) tie-breaking Bonuses for the final act. You may perform minor edits up until August 24th, but no more. The question isn't whether I accept your game, but rather whether you are confident enough in what you're presenting to carry you through the entire competition. I leave that choice to you.
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Aug 7, 2012 19:19
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Alright! 7 points! Come at me bros! I will have to shape up for the extra points this time. there are a few things I could have pulled through better, and maybe explained a bit more, but I blame my lack imagination more than misinterpreting the rules. Wish you guys luck for the next section. And by wish, I mean curse.
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Aug 7, 2012 22:15
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I've heard a few complaints that my game Intersector is a bit hard to follow. In an effort to clarify what it's going for, I've created an additional ad blurb that will (with any luck) be easier to understand. As always, I strive for the largest possible audience.
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Aug 7, 2012 22:27
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Flaky Biscuit posted:I've heard a few complaints that my game Intersector is a bit hard to follow. In an effort to clarify what it's going for, I've created an additional ad blurb that will (with any luck) be easier to understand. As always, I strive for the largest possible audience. That actually makes a lot more sense.
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Aug 7, 2012 22:31
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Flaky Biscuit posted:I've heard a few complaints that my game Intersector is a bit hard to follow. In an effort to clarify what it's going for, I've created an additional ad blurb that will (with any luck) be easier to understand. As always, I strive for the largest possible audience. Tio estas mirinda kaj bela.
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Aug 7, 2012 22:33
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Rulebook Heavily posted:Tio estas mirinda kaj bela. Mi feliĉas ke vin ĝi plaĉis!
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Aug 7, 2012 22:39
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Flaky Biscuit posted:Mi feliĉas ke vin ĝi plaĉis! ni nimi kama e mi pilin ike
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Aug 7, 2012 22:58
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Gau posted:ni nimi kama e mi pilin ike 君に言ったら訳が分からないよ
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Aug 8, 2012 02:58
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Rulebook Heavily posted:And all the reviews I hadn't done yet are in this post! I somehow expected more wailing, gnashing of teeth and You missed mine! An official scoring of Justice is Blind would be great before I get too super-attached to ripping off more mechanics from VNs.
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Aug 8, 2012 03:31
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Rulebook Heavily posted:Capfalcon's Road Trip As soon as I read the first review that lost a point for not labeling the Ad Blurb, I knew I was going to miss out on the bonus by a point. 
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Aug 8, 2012 03:54
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I did miss blastron's outline! It also brings us up to an even 30 entries, which is excellent. blastron's Justice is Blind Hm. First, -1 for not labeling the blurb. A little shortening of a couple of those sentences, a little less stilted language, maybe an exclamation mark or two after the more dramatic lines, and this would be a great blurb. Compare "sworn to find the absolute truth behind each case such that the correct verdict may be delivered." to "Sworn to find the absolute truth behind every case so that the correct verdict can be delivered!" It's a good skeleton of a blurb, but not a great one. Ad Blurb score: 3 The outline itself is a basic system overview which is fairly clear and lays out the basic expectations in the system. Having players form both the defense and the prosecution without making the game antagonistic is also interesting. However, it lacks an overview of where to proceed from there and any information on future modules. Outline score: 3 Final Score: 3+3 = 6. You'll get to the bottom of this one yet. So many courtroom games! I do admit that it's a good source of structured conflict and drama. What I wasn't expecting was so many different takes on it, even if they've been whittled down. To anyone who scored low, don't be discouraged. At least one game that I rated low in the outline has already entered playtesting and seen improvements! Ultimately, the playtest is what determines the winner.
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Aug 8, 2012 03:57
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Hmm, I didn't see my entry scored. Did I miss it, flunk out, or did you miss it/not get around to it? Not that I think I will do well, considering I slightly missed the point of the project outline. I'm still curious though.
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Aug 8, 2012 06:55
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 18:16 |
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Unfortunately the alpha playtest I had planned did not happen, ideally I can reschedule for another day this week. Fortunately my logosmith (the inimitable Jeremy Kostiew) returned with a fine work that bristles with spikes of partisanship 
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Aug 8, 2012 07:33
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