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Yup, emailed. Now we're just waiting on slothy sloth Jeza.
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Nov 5, 2012 18:45
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Bear Sleuth posted:Yup, emailed. Now we're just waiting on slothy sloth Jeza. Yeah, yeah. Just finished cooking. Will now commence concurrent eating/judging. Edit: IT IS DONE. (Both eating and e-mailing.)
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Nov 5, 2012 19:54
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It's always nice to see the judges working in harmony.
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Nov 5, 2012 20:02
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The true masters of horror are The Judges, for it is we who await their judgment upon whether or not we are worthy of a custom avatar or a less custom avatar (or just an honorable mention, really). The suspense, the terror of having one's writing examined underneath a microscope of criticism, it is almost too much for one to bear! Oh! Bring forth the fainting couch, for I feel an oncoming case of the vapors!
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Nov 5, 2012 21:07
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There are no couches, stools, or any other seating instrument you can name in the Thunderdome. That would mean comfort. Also blame Chairchucker.
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Nov 5, 2012 21:33
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Previously had about fifty metal folding chairs with the legs sawed off at random lengths. Now we don't even have that. Chairchucker.
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Nov 5, 2012 22:52
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I seek to destroy Chairchucker through the deception of showing him pictures of God's Seat California, thereby forcing him to chuck it or die.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:20
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Previously, at least the judges got the benefit of moldy old office chairs, though always running the risk of the support column giving them a quickie. That was then. Chairchucker.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:38
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omg shut the gently caress up w/chairchucker fanfic pls tia
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Nov 6, 2012 04:44
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I will drive Chairchucker to the point of exhaustion by casually sitting on heavy stones and stumps in their site, making eye contact and grinning as they roll of their sleeves and get to work.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:44
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 It's JUDGIN' TIME It was a close contest this week between three entries in particular, but through a mixture of some deliberation and some straight up dictatorship, I am pleased to declare Toaster Beef the esteemed winner. Please report to the thread for adulation and await further instructions from Martello. Capntastic and The Swinemaster came in as close runners-up, so feel free to lord it over the rest of the losers if you want. Baggy_brad was declared our regular, everyday loser for writing a story that was more about some girl's boobs than anything else. And, for Chairchucker's efforts this week, we felt the need to create a whole new category: extra-super-loser, because  , son. Really though, in my heart you all lost, because nobody used my secret horror prompt desire that I thought was super obvious. Not a single gruesome instance of parasites, or even delusional parasitosis? FOR SHAME  Critiques forthcoming either later this evening or in the morning, because I'm busy, yo.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:46
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Man, if The Swinemaster and Toaster Beef are the judges for next week alongside Bear Sleuth finally animals will rule over humans. So close 
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Nov 6, 2012 04:53
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Fanky Malloons posted:Not a single gruesome instance of parasites, or even delusional parasitosis? FOR SHAME I got a friend to watch the movie Bug last week, and was laughin' at the On Demand description of "A small town is invaded by insects" or whatever. Having seen it in theatres where half of the people there left halfway through or asked themselves, loudly "where were the bugs??", it's always fun to share the movie with people who get it and appreciate it.
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Nov 6, 2012 04:53
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Pretty sure I've set some kind of record for number of times lost.
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Nov 6, 2012 07:19
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 Critiques! You're all terrible.  None of you wrote about my secret bonus subject which was simply any kind of historical setting. From the stone age to the Regan era there's plenty of ripe horror to be harvested but you chucklefucks assumed that grounded in reality meant contemporary apartment blocks and neighborhood streets. The loving highlight was a trip to the beach. gently caress.Following: your shame detailed. It was all a (Teenage) Dream Chairchucker Here's the thing: the gently caress? Let's put aside you went for stupid silly when you were asked for horror. I mean, I didn't get where I am today by not choosing to ignore the prompt for some laffs, but your story had plenty of other problems that cemented it as Worst in Show. First, this needs some serious editing. There's pronoun problems all over the opening paragraph, unclear action all over the place, you start the story way too early and waste our time with unnecessary information about Violet's mom, and there's a pervasive lack of control and refinement. Remember all way back to the OP when Martello said not to slam your hairy butt on your keyboard and post the results? Well your story is covered in rear end marks and lose hairs. Second, it was all a dream? Really, man? Really? That's the cliche people use when they're describing what a cliche is! I was with you on your dumb as hell premise, I really was. Being trapped in a concert hall for 28 hours would be a horrible experience even with a band you liked, let alone one you couldn't stand. I wanted to see where you would take it, but when you popped the dream you lost all my goodwill. It didn't help that it was loving broadcast since the title and I could see it barreling down like a god drat freight train and the collision t'wernt no fun. Ground Floor Apartment The Swinemaster My pick for winner. I'm a big baby and there's been plenty of nights I've jumped at shadows. Your story captured that experience. Add the building suspense and a nicely subdued ending and it was all good times. If I must gripe it was that the fantasy sequence wasn't clearly defined as such. I see what you were trying to do but I felt it added an ambiguity that hurt the story. Dogged Black Sitting Here I liked the ambiguity in this--that we don't get a full picture of the inside of the shack or who the dude was--because the moment to moment action was clear. Seems that when people are trying to do a "style" they confuse the two, so yeah, appreciate that wasn't the case here. This story was up there but it wasn't scary. I didn't feel invested in the character's well-being.  Still, good ending what with the lifelong trauma and all.The Wrong Warzone Kleptobot Here's what I mean by clarity of action. In each beat it's confusing to what's going on, not in a "what's really happening" sense (that part was clear) but in a "I can't follow this" way. I get what you were trying to do, put us in the head of the mentally unsound, but it just made the whole thing muddled and blah. Caroline slothmonster Man, this could have been a winner. The premise was great. Dude kills his fiance while sleepwalking. loving harrowing. I wanted to see what he would do, how he would handle this. I was putty in your hands but then you had to go and throw in a stupid twist. You totally undercut all the horror and drama and abandoned a really compelling set up for... what? A twist for twists sake? Disappointing. Friend is Good toanoradian I liked what this eventually became, especially the bit about the symbol popping up all over the place. Especially on the greeting card and email. Those were right creepy. But that old problem with first person raises its head: how is the narrator writing this after he got friend-zoned? Also, what did the candy at the beginning have to do with anything? That bit was confusing and started the story off on the wrong foot. Megafauna Baggy_Brad Little surprised to see this one lose as I thought it was okay. You defiantly nailed natural language and after some stilted exchanges up to this point I really appreciated that. Still, out of all the horrific places the premise could go getting attacked off screen by a something was pretty low on the give-a-poo poo meter. Also, the prompt was to ground in reality and an attack by a zombie saber-tooth tiger (as what was clearly the case here) isn't that. Attendance Toaster Beef Nice little tale of hosed up kids doing a hosed up things. I can dig it. I felt that if you had given us a little more detail at the climax, really nailed the horror, this could have been a very powerful piece. Still, very good. Congratulations. Memory Lane Canadian Surf Club Sad story, I empathized with the guy. You got me in his head and that was good. But this isn't horror. I imagine one could write a truly horrific story about a debilitating illness, but you didn't capture it. You're lucky Chairchucker was here chuckin his chairs and making a mess of things or it could have been your blood on the sand. Untitled Jeza loving hell it's a good thing you weren't eligible. This was the kinda thing I was expecting given the prompt. Just some straight up messed up poo poo. Given the start though I thought it was going to go a lot further. Ending with only a rusty screw in the heel felt like getting off easy. Tan Capntastic I don't know what was going on here, what the man's motivations were, but the moment to moment action was clear and that made it work. I really liked this. You invented a novel situation, really sold the experience, and didn't feel compelled to undo it all with a "twist." If it was up to me you'd be free of your losertar for this one. The Flood Noah Eh. The beginning wasn't clear. I didn't care about the characters. Was left uneffected at the end. Yours was the only entry to explicitly use the threat of rape, so congratulations on that. Insurance Black Griffon What did the insurance bill have to do with anything, thematically? I'm afraid I didn't get this one beyond store shooting and empty sentiment. Also, the jump forward in time to the newspaper and then back into the action was confused and clumsy. And yet, I've got a two-year-old son and I'm an easy target for anything where kids get hurt. So this story ended up being effecting, in a lazy sort of way. And with that I pass on the dead rat nailed to a plank that is the judge's scepter to Toaster Beef and look forward to mixing it up with all you next week.
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Nov 6, 2012 10:33
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Bear Sleuth posted:
Oh crap. Yeah Violet started life as Paul but then I changed my mind because I thought it worked better. :/
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Nov 6, 2012 11:38
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I wish it were possible to express via text one of those slow, rising cackles that you hear at the end of, like, Thriller. Anyway, thanks! I'm eager to continue the Thunderdome tradition. Is there a special knife, orrr
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Nov 6, 2012 11:41
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Toaster Beef posted:Is there a special knife, orrr The special knife is already on your back. All Thunderdome judges come pre-backstabbed. Bear Sleuth posted:Friend is Good toanoradian The candy was supposed to explain that one of the ways Friend attracts new members is by making them attracted to the candies. I was trying to convey the horror of a cult leader hiring children through addiction, but I can't write it.
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Nov 6, 2012 14:26
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Chairchucker: Not horror, not funny. Poor show. Cliched. It was all a dream? Really? Your main character talks like an absolute douchebag. Anyone who says "totally bogus" and "what the deuce" unironically needs to be punched in the face repeatedly. I suggest that next time you sit on your idea for a couple of days and let it develop, and then maybe edit a couple of times before you post it. Swinemaster: Some beautiful descriptive language, butI found the one-sided dialogue slightly confusing, because it wasn't clear to me at first the he was talking to himself. Intersting use of the prompt - you built up the tension pretty well, however it was too difficult to distinguish between what was real and what wasn't, which detracted somewhat from the story itself. Sitting Here: NOT ALLOWED TO WIN FOR GOING OVER THE WORDCOUNT Good use of the prompt, in a similar vein to Swinemaster (imagination vs reality) I thought that this line: " I ran like a deer, like a bird in flight, like a rabbit going to ground" was overkill, I would have liked you to choose one and then continue the metaphor throughout the piece to better illustrate that sense of fear. Kleptobot: You had an interesting idea, but the execution was too melodramatic. There are a number of spots where you need to tone it down, for example lose the all caps for yelling, and don't use evil as a descriptor. This could be good with a large dose of refinement. Slothmonster: Nice inversion of the "it was all a dream" trope, but why does he actually have a kitchen knife at the beginning? That makes no sense when you think about the fact that it was his (terrible!) fiance pranking him. Also, you did a surprising amount of telling, not showing for having so few words in your story "my brain frantically compartmentalizing the trauma and the fear" as one example. Toanoradian: The paranoia angle was good, but I found your story only faintly creepy since it didn't really go anywhere. I'd like to read a longer version of it though. Now that you've pointed out that the protagonist is supposed to be a child, it's somewhat creepier, but that's not clear at all in your story. Grown ups like candy too Baggy_Brad: Talking about koalas in a horror story made me expect a drop-bear joke - not revealing what the titular megafauna was left things too ambiguous, and made me suspect that you were trying to get away with something unnatural. That, or they got eaten by a kangaroo. I liked Tanya's characterisation, but you don't need to make so much of her boobs. Your unecessary mentions of her bra, her cleavage, etc added a misogynistic tone that wasn't redeemed by anything else in the story. Also, you seem to be missing a word in the last sentence there. Toaster Beef: Good use of the prompt, and mad props for taking a tight story and making it tighter, thus schooling us all in the fine art of editing. Canadian Surf Club: Points off for this ending up more tragic than horrifying, aside from the general horror of being an old person, but otherwise well written. Made me sad because me grandma has memory issues, you jerk Jeza: DRUNK POSTING ISN'T ALLOWED  This did actually make me cringe a bit though, so good job even though you're not allowed to win. Like Bear Sleuth, I was expecting a lot more entries in this vein, although I'm pleasantly surprised that it didn't turn out that way. PS: congrats on finishing your book! Capntastic: This was a very nice use of the prompt. I like casual horror of a bunch of people ignoring a dying man on a beach for days. I think you could have made more of the bodily effects of drying oneself into jerky in the sun for extra horror though - I think you started to at the end with the skin peeling, but there was a lot more you could have done with that. Noah: This was pretty good for having been cut substantially to satisfy my whimsy. Only referring to Jolene as Skinny's mama once or twice made their relationship a little confusing though. Black Griffon: No, you gently caress off This was actually pretty great, you managed to condense a fairly horrifying concept into very few words, well done.
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Nov 6, 2012 15:34
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Sooo who are our judges this time around? The rotation has always been somewhat confusing to me. I have a few ideas for prompts and I'm assuming I don't just take this poo poo over guerrilla style.
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Nov 6, 2012 17:33
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Toaster Beef posted:I have a few ideas for prompts and I'm assuming I don't just take this poo poo over guerrilla style. Qui audet adipiscitur.
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Nov 6, 2012 18:04
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Toaster Beef posted:Sooo who are our judges this time around? The rotation has always been somewhat confusing to me. I have a few ideas for prompts and I'm assuming I don't just take this poo poo over guerrilla style. Send me a PM, son. The judges are you, me, and Fanky Malloons. I chose arbitrarily because I'm a badass irl and this is my house bitch. pipes! posted:Qui audet adipiscitur. I don't speak Mexican so I dunno what this is?
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Nov 6, 2012 18:57
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Fanky Malloons posted:Capntastic: Oh yeah, strips of flesh curling up, the bone being exposed underneath sizzling pockets of fat as flies approach for a taste. The driving urge to do anything to get out of the light, cut quickly by night and the cool of the air giving way to the horrible chorus of the frazzled nerves screaming about what they'd gone through, and the salty air, each sensation of every gust, being picked up and transmitted through that cacophony. And the mind struggling to say lucid through it, much less conscious at all. And then some kid's radio picks up a transmission of Gangnam Style. I had articles and pictures on severe sunburn open in several tabs. I need to start writing with Darkroom again so I have the wordcount visible at all times.
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Nov 6, 2012 19:26
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Dang, I was thinking of writing a horror story about a Morgellon's disease person with an unhealthy obsession with WebMD. Should've gone with my gut. But seriously thinking about that dude appearing out of nowhere in the forest still creeps me out. I have no idea why my parents let a kid run around in literally miles of forest where there were bears and scary shacks and apocalypse bunkers. No seriously.
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Nov 6, 2012 19:40
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Just caught up on the entries, some really good ones this time around. Got a definite The Cask of Amontillado vibe from Toaster Beef's. I was trying to go for the horror of losing your life while still living but didn't really do a great job of getting it across. Not sure why I settled on that idea as I had a few others that might have fit closer to the prompt. Keep the 'domes coming, they're a much needed break from current projects.
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Nov 6, 2012 20:16
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p. much erry-one sucked this week but w/e. It was all a (Teenage) Dream Chairchucker d00d srsly this was so awful stop posting pls. not really but it's horrible and sometimes I think you're horrible on purpose which I kinda find  but I wish you'd actually try for once. srsly edit bro do better next time HTFUe: ps get reddy for sweet new ULTRALOSERTAR bought w/my own irl  Ground Floor Apartment The Swinemaster kinda liked this one two but was confused b/c Christ was there for a bit and idgi cuz it was just Chris before but anyway this prolly coulda been winner but it wasn't Toaster Beef was better gently caress off Dogged Black Sitting Here p. fukkin good but you keep winning so go gently caress yourself ps red that newslink and omg article was published on my regdate what does that mean  The Wrong Warzone Kleptobot hmmm bro ic where you want to go w/this but its not really that good. speaking as a irl combat veteran it dint flow real good and i dindnt buy it. maybe more edits and then it would be ok i guess but prolly not? also buy yourself a avatar you dint steal from other forums posters pls tia Caroline slothmonster dude you srsly need to start EDITIING and poo poo like I been telling you this hole time geez. not a bad story really but def needs work on craft and poo poo, still have some run-ons w/o commas that should b there. also twist at end was gay sry corn syrup and poo poo wtf Friend is Good toanoradian hmm p. good too but Megafauna Baggy_Brad dont care what beer slooth says this poo poo was bad and srsly wtf megafawna is there in OZ that could kill ppl? also TITS omg d00d srsly stop with tits. read boob talk in fiction advice then come back pls ps dont talk about boobs in there anymore tho just read tia Attendance Toaster Beef sick story brah was kinda freaky actually even though i dont afraid of anything. also good job editing yeah ur the winner even i really wanted Candanian Serf club to win but w/e Memory Lane Canadian Surf Club this was my faves actully but fanky is dumb and a girl so it goes i guess sry Untitled Jeza drunkposting ftw lol Tan Capntastic not bad kid not bad at all buy urself a new avatar or summat srsly p. good story dude keep working get better and poo poo The Flood Noah hahaha noah rote FLOOD STORY Insurance Black Griffon didn't read cuz you said "gently caress off" i found this offensive you "gently caress off" Canadian Surf Club posted:Keep the 'domes coming, they're a much needed break from current projects. Don't tell me what to do.
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Nov 6, 2012 21:36
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Martello posted:
gently caress, you're right. Ugh.
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Nov 6, 2012 21:40
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Martello posted:Insurance Black Griffon I just wanted you to gently caress off and not gently caress off at the same time, but I guess someone has some growing up to do.
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Nov 6, 2012 21:50
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Welcome to ...THUNDERDOME WEEK XIV HEY THERE. So Fanky's late-game word oval office limitations got me thinkin'. You see, I'm an editor. I like things that are succinct. I don't like it when writers waste my time with a bunch of extra words or blown-off deadlines. And normally that would mean gently caress about poo poo, but I happen to be overseeing the festivities this time around — so how about we have ourselves a little exercise in timeliness and brevity? Big fun, right? Right. There are two things you need to keep in mind as you write this week's entries: 1) Your prompt, which is the following: You shouldn't be here. However you want to interpret that is up to you. You don't have to make it a line in your story, you just have to give us the sense that your piece is inspired, in some way, by it. 2) The second part — and this is the big one — is the longer you take, the fewer words you are allowed. What does that mean? Well, these rules are being posted at 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Tuesday, November 6. - If you post your story by 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Wednesday, November 7, you're allowed 1,250 words. - If you post your story by 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Thursday, November 8, you're allowed 1,000 words. - If you post your story by 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Friday, November 9, you're allowed 750 words. - If you post your story by 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Saturday, November 10, you're allowed 500 words. - If you post your story by 4:00 p.m. EST (GMT -5) on Sunday, November 11, you're allowed 250 words. Don't have anything submitted by Sunday morning and you're terrified 250 words isn't enough? You're right. It probably isn't. You shouldn't have procrastinated, and now the Thunderdome's eating your loving soul. Do you write quickly and do limited editing to avoid falling into a lower word limit, possibly sacrificing quality? Or do you write something on day one and polish the poo poo out of it until Saturday, posting 500 words of brilliance? Me, I'd suggest aiming for somewhere in the middle. But that's just me. ALL WORD CUNTS ARE STRICT, because if you go over it what the gently caress's the point, I mean really Your judges this week: Toaster Beef Martello Fanky Malloons No sign-up deadline, since you've gotta move your rear end anyway if you want to have the most room to work with. LET'S GO. Submitted: The Swinemaster Canadian Surf Club Jeza The Saddest Rhino Noah SaviourX Bear Sleuth Sitting Here Kleptobot sebmojo Chairchucker capntastic
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Nov 6, 2012 22:00
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Black Griffon posted:I just wanted you to gently caress off and not gently caress off at the same time, but I guess someone has some growing up to do.  It was actually pretty horrifying irl, good job making me feel depressed today buddy
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Nov 6, 2012 22:01
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Toaster Beef posted:Welcome to ... Evil genius. I'm in because Thunderdome is in my loving blood, seriously it's made of spirochetae and lymphocytes and I just don't know what else kind of poo poo.
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Nov 6, 2012 23:12
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Love the prompt. I'm in. I've got a great idea for a story about boobs.
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Nov 6, 2012 23:44
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Thanks for the damning with faint praise, noble Judges. I will endeavor to make this one suck less.
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Nov 7, 2012 00:04
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Martello posted:Dogged Black Sitting Here Clearly your username is sufused with the essence of the soul of a homicidal apocalypse nut. And suddenly Martello makes sense.
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Nov 7, 2012 00:24
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Oh boy, new avatar! In. And if I read this correctly, the longer I wait the fewer words I have to write...
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Nov 7, 2012 02:50
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I don't have time to give detailed crit this week, but congrats to Toaster Beef, Capntastic and Swinemaster - all worthy pieces and definitely the top three this week for me, with Sitting Here close in the wings. Commiserations to Baggy_Brad, felt like your story was an improvement on last week's. No commiserations for you Chairchucker, you ultraloser you. P.S Slothmonster, what the actual gently caress did your twist ending actually mean? Corn syrup? Does it give you nightmares? IS HIS WIFE A BOTTLE OF SYRUP?
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Nov 7, 2012 03:37
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Ok how in the world did this thread fall off my bookmark list, I was getting confused why Thunderdome had suddenly disappeared and was being sad for 3 weeks (Belated thanks to sebmojo for the critique because I am a loving spaz) So yes I am in.
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Nov 7, 2012 03:39
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Jeza posted:P.S Slothmonster, what the actual gently caress did your twist ending actually mean? Corn syrup? Does it give you nightmares? IS HIS WIFE A BOTTLE OF SYRUP? omg ru new stage blood is made of corn searup jeez some ppl
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Nov 7, 2012 04:25
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Chairchucker posted:Oh boy, new avatar! If you have the unmitigated audacity to stroll in here with 500 or — lord help you — 250 words, they'd better be so loving good
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Nov 7, 2012 04:37
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Martello posted:omg ru new stage blood is made of corn searup jeez some ppl Lets not mince words, if she had been a bottle of syrup it would have been the best twist ending ever. Also looking back on my entry, the spelling is pretty phenomenal for a drunkpost  I impress myself.
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Nov 7, 2012 04:52
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