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Stop asking for criticism, I have to keep saying "I didn't understand" but I'm getting tired of admitting I'm dumb. I thought you had some inconsistency going on. Liberals have taken over, but this gathering of True Americans is secretly gathering just to complain. They also have parted with their guns (what, no COLD DEAD HANDS?) At the end *zb speaks in praise of America but against liberals, who overrun America. It's a parody of conservative views, but Joanne sounds like a liberal parody with that "wanting to share." If she has a nametag on her forehead, does it have "Joanne" or her number? I think it would have been funny if it had actually been her number. It's not a helpful move otherwise, it lets you show things are dystopian but it doesn't parody anything liberals have tried to do. I think you could have tightened it by having the whole thing focused on the UN member listening, ready to rush in. I think it's not quite sharp enough because it could cut either way.
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Dec 10, 2012 23:02
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:speaking of, how was my story? I was trying to riff off Anthem but I don't think I was hugely successful. Vonnegut already got there first. It kinda seems like something that would be funny off the cuff satire if it were a one-off post in, say, a D&D thread instead of a dedicated writing thread. I like it in general, but the action was unclear, ie this paragraph: quote:"There was a brief scuffle between them. “I'm not Human Unit #242688z2, I'm Joanne,” she was saying as Human Unit #242688z2b tried not to hold back tears." Why are they scuffling? Why was Joanne holding back tears and Human Unit whatever trying NOT to hold back tears? It just felt a little muddled to me. I liked the first three paragraphs and the very last bit. Everything between that was hazy. Also I don't really like scare quotes in a fictional narrative like you used around "opinion clubs." I think capitalizing it would have worked better, but that's just personal opinion. I thought it was pretty funny though, if I squint a bit.
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Dec 11, 2012 00:10
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Zack_Gochuck posted:It's really valuable to have a group of guys who will call your writing out on its bullshit too. That can be incredibly hard to find. Yeah, this is basically why I want to get in on this. I've seen other communities out there, but their feedback is pretty poo poo. As such, I have not felt I've improved much / at all since my teens. Hopefully CC will change that!
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Dec 11, 2012 00:25
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Meis posted:Yeah, this is basically why I want to get in on this. I've seen other communities out there, but their feedback is pretty poo poo. As such, I have not felt I've improved much / at all since my teens. Hopefully CC will change that! Yeah, often the best criticism is the stuff that makes you feel like you've been punched in the gut, makes you realize, "Holy poo poo, what I wrote sucked." and tells you exactly why.
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Dec 11, 2012 01:21
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It's CC's guiding principle 
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Dec 11, 2012 01:55
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I have to admit that I was pretty intimidated at first, especially since I haven't really written any fiction for maybe a decade. This past matchup was really eye-opening for me, especially with regard to things that I really need to bone up on. I am so ready to dish it out as well as take it, though. Hope it's not too late to sign up for the next rodeo?
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Dec 11, 2012 02:55
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Tender Child Loins posted:Hope it's not too late to sign up for the next rodeo? Not at all! We love it when new people jump in with both feet. (so we can cut them off)
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Dec 11, 2012 03:04
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Fanky Malloons posted:Not at all! We love it when new people jump in with both feet. I'll bring my wheels
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Dec 11, 2012 03:17
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I'm actually at a point where I'd rather work on my stuff in the background and give constructive criticism. Which I'd like to think I can do without causing internal damage. If it's really important to people they can walk around with a printout of my crit, read it, and ask people to punch them in the face. I don't want to hold anyone back.
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Dec 11, 2012 03:19
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For anyone who is hesitant to join in on this, I invite you to glance at the picture just to the left of this post. That is the ABSOLUTE WORST that can possibly happen to you as a consequence of joining in. There is very little reason to hold back.
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Dec 11, 2012 03:29
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Chairchucker posted:For anyone who is hesitant to join in on this, I invite you to glance at the picture just to the left of this post. That is the ABSOLUTE WORST that can possibly happen to you as a consequence of joining in. There is very little reason to hold back. Of course, that kind of thing only happens if someone writes something as bad as that story was. Yeah, I read it. You deserve all you get. Oh boy oh boy I can't wait to see what my ultraloser avatar will be!!!  Did I say ultraloser I meant ULTRAWINNER 
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Dec 11, 2012 04:06
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 "sebmojo be careful of the crocodile eating the Christmas tree!"
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Dec 11, 2012 04:07
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Chairchucker posted:For anyone who is hesitant to join in on this, I invite you to glance at the picture just to the left of this post. That is the ABSOLUTE WORST that can possibly happen to you as a consequence of joining in. There is very little reason to hold back. *If you don't improve the judges will hate you forever.** **I still sometimes wake up in cold sweats about the terrible stuff I submitted. My latest piece, for example. It's the worst take down of Tom Clancy I've ever seen, jesus christ what was I thinking. That piece could have been so much better, but gently caress. Next time.*** ***It was specifically aimed at Rainbow Six but none of that came through and I wouldn't be surprised at all if I was declared the Loser of All Winners.**** ****I still can't believe I enjoyed that book when I was young. Never meet your heroes and all that, I guess.
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Dec 11, 2012 04:26
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I don't know. Thunderdome seems to be subconsciously influencing everyone to write dark to grimdark, so I was happy when the prompt called for humor. I was reading your prompt waiting for the twist to comedy and it ended "then he got stabbed in the face." Which made me laugh. You should just claim it was some kind of transcendent satire.
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Dec 11, 2012 04:45
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V for Vegas posted:A Hundred Leaves of Sentience Thanks for the crit! I'll work on scene progression. Didn't even notice that people may interpret the windows being from the car. Tender Child Loins posted:Diarrhea Town OK I'm kinda hitting myself for not thinking of that title and I'm going to steal it so hard. SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Sort of reminds me of that Jasper Fforde novel where cheese is crazy potent/illegal and the protagonist is friends with a gang of Welsh cheese smugglers. There's this super-dramatic scene where they unbox some real French blue and it nearly kills a guy. Haven't read a Jasper Fforde before. Which should I start? V for Vegas posted:How funny was it? CHEESE PRIDE MALAYSIA! A four out of five on the ‘low chuckle at my desk-o-meter’. Wow, thanks. TO be honest I didn't know whether I was being funny enough or it's too close to reality to be depressing, which was why I dropped all those Malaysian news links at the end so you can judge based on that. (It may also be that if I really do send this to be published in a newspaper I may actually get arrested, no joke) Sitting Here posted:Saddest Rhino, I like you and the things you write but that picture made me lol. Haha, thanks. I think I would have appreciated the redtext more if it weren't some PYF nut reacting to my announcing the chickencheese fiction results there, because hey congrats for making GBS threads on a bunch of goons' contributions not mine. Seriously I do not know who gave me this - twice for absolutely arbitrary reasons. But hey if any of you pubbies are worried about Thunderdome none of us are going to give you redtext like mine, we justify why you deserve your beautiful avatar just like how primoman got his, so join Thunderdome or die 
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Dec 11, 2012 04:51
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 RESULTS What a hell of a week. In retrospect setting up a format where I had to come up with 15 prompts and judge 50+ entries wasn't the smartest idea. But hey, THAT'S THUNDERDOME. Coming in as the Winner of the Loserers is PEEL! Maybe if you had tried harder in the first round, you would have won the whole thing. As Zack_Gochuck would say, you got to play the whole 8 innings! Just as there must be a Winner of the Loserers, there must also be a  LOSER OF ALL LOSERS This goes, as it inevitably must, to ETHERWIND. Going down in a flame of opprobrium. Not content to merely ignore the rulings of the judges, he set out to ignore them in the most mediocre and middling way possible. That leaves the:  WINNER OF ALL WINNERS Take a bow SEBMOJO. That's Thunderdome stamina for you.
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Dec 11, 2012 04:55
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V for Vegas posted:
 Yay! I was beginning to think your runner-up streak would never end, man. Clearly you were just playing the long game THE WHOLE TIME.
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Dec 11, 2012 04:58
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Rose Wreck posted:I don't know. Thunderdome seems to be subconsciously influencing everyone to write dark to grimdark, so I was happy when the prompt called for humor. I was reading your prompt waiting for the twist to comedy and it ended "then he got stabbed in the face." I was disappointed when people still wrote grimdark poo poo for what was meant to be a light-hearted non-serious prompt. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! My criteria were straightforward - 'was it funny' and 'was it satire'. If anyone wants a more detailed crit, I'm afraid I can't give it to you apart from 'write something funny'. If it was funny, I told you, if it wasn't, I wrote something else to amuse myself.
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Dec 11, 2012 05:09
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Jonked posted:IIRC I thought Chairchucker won the first round (OG!), there's a lot of really good writers here. The bar is literally a skeezy rear end creeptastic story and also your name is Primoman in terms of "gently caress off, never come back"*. I don't understand most of this paragraph but I haven't won any rounds, although I have lost... I think three? And gotten most improved twice by virtue of losing horribly the week before.
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Dec 11, 2012 05:32
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Chairchucker posted:I don't understand most of this paragraph but I haven't won any rounds, although I have lost... I think three? And gotten most improved twice by virtue of losing horribly the week before.
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Dec 11, 2012 05:49
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Chairchucker posted:I don't understand most of this paragraph but I haven't won any rounds, although I have lost... I think three? And gotten most improved twice by virtue of losing horribly the week before.
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Dec 11, 2012 05:59
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Fanky Malloons posted:
Well my bank will be glad fer drat sure. Thanks heaps, and massive props to v4v for not only shepherding a prompt of almost Lovecraftian complexity to its conclusion but also doin' it FASTFASTFAST. The bar is high. I'll try and get a prompt out in a few hours.
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Dec 11, 2012 07:28
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I'll show you guys one day. Soon. Soon...
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Dec 11, 2012 10:03
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Thunderdome Week XVIV HOW DEEP IS MY FUCKIN' LOVEOk, bitches. Daddy back from his three month drunk and HE MAD. hosed if I know who the other Judges are, I'll edit the bastards in, but the prompt is simple. Per Rose Wreck's sharp observation above that things have been getting grim in here, so I want a love story. Specifically, one that is neither grim, tragic, horrible or hopeless. One that moves my rusted robotic heart. 1000 words max, and you bet that puppy needs to have a BEGINNING MIDDLE AND END. No fragments. Also you must post a link to a youtube song or soundtrack that should be listened to while the story is read. Naturally the link must be a perfect accompaniment. Signup by midnight Thursday 13 December Wellington NZ time, stories due by midnight Saturday. As recognition of his loserwinner status Peel may assign a single flash rule to one or more of the contestants. Judges: Me, V for Vegas and Stuporstar WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR Contestants: Bear Sleuth Ronnie Long Sitting Here Greatbacon Meis Benagain Rose Wreck Peel Zack Gochuck Gredgie Chairchucker Tender Child Loins Capntastic Bad Seafood Capntastic (again, only eligible to lose) Saddest Rhino
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Dec 11, 2012 11:35
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Now do you mean the love between a man and a woman? Or the love of a man for a fine cuban cigar? Also, in.
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Dec 11, 2012 11:43
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That's a ridiculous prompt! I'm in.
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Dec 11, 2012 12:46
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How good is your prose (how good, how good is your prose) I really need to learn Cause we're posting in a thread of fools Breaking us down When we write futility We go on just you and me...
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Dec 11, 2012 12:58
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V for Vegas posted:How good is your prose (how good, how good is your prose) You had me at "this weeks prompt" but by the time you started singing I wanted to take my pants off and throw them towards your glorious stage. I'm in.
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Dec 11, 2012 13:58
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I'm down.
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Dec 11, 2012 14:05
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You're a monster, and I'm in. The flash rule will require some thought.
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Dec 11, 2012 15:09
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I am not going to be in for a long time. Too busy recently to devote anywhere near enough attention to the 'dome and in a week I am without access to a computer until February. Enjoy.
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Dec 11, 2012 15:30
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I'm part of the problem, my solution is Thunderdome. I'm in.
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Dec 11, 2012 15:41
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This is the prompt I was made for. I can feel it calling in the night.
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Dec 11, 2012 16:20
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Count me in. This should be fun!
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Dec 11, 2012 16:36
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Perhaps by writing about it, I can learn more of what you humans call "love". I'm in.
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Dec 11, 2012 16:46
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Congratulations Sebmojo! The bridesmaid is finally the bride! I'm in, I love love stories and music that goes along with love stories.
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Dec 11, 2012 19:13
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I'm going to go all The Notebook on your asses.... Oh, gently caress off, you've seen it too.
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Dec 11, 2012 21:00
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Sitting Here posted:Congratulations Sebmojo! The bridesmaid is finally the bride! As I will be your third judge, I'm imposing a flash rule on everyone. FLASH RULE IT MUST BE BOLLYWOOD
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Dec 11, 2012 21:30
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Does that mean that it has to specifically have a Bollywood song, or just that it has to have a woman running through an open field and random dancing?
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Dec 11, 2012 21:54
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However you wish to interpret the prompt. There will be no further clarifications other than entertain me. 
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Dec 11, 2012 21:57
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