SpiderHyphenMan posted:

AMERICA.

Kieselguhr Kid posted:

(Incidentally, my favourite part about the 'marine punches out professor' story is this idea that a professor, giving a lecture as part of a class the students are presumably paying for, walked in and spent his first 10-15 minutes taunting god. And that this was so startling it reduced an entire class to shocked silence for the entire time.)

Arschlochkind posted:

If my college years are any indication, the majority of students' reaction to a professor saying something absurd on either end of the political spectrum would be to continue not really paying any attention.

1stGear posted:

Chain email forwarders have this weird perception that college students are all just waiting to hear the word of Jesus, instead of already having heard it over and over again and are much more eager to replace it with sex, alcohol, and apathy.

pug wearing a hat posted:

Everyone's friend's roommate's mom is a teacher or nurse who worked with a kid named Shithead/Lemonjello/Orangejello/Abcde.

BSchlang posted:

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist...

brave reddit atheist posted:

So I was standing in a rather large line at my local Wal-Mart today behind a couple families that I know from when I went to church with my family in year younger. It was the only register open so there wasn't much of another option to get my 12 pack of Mountain Dew for a party I was heading to. I was wondering why the line was going nowhere when I decided to poke my head up front to see what the holdup was. It was a little old lady who didn't have enough for her groceries and she was trying to talk the cashier into letting her get away with being short. This struck me as odd until I found out she was a mere $0.21 short of her purchase. Now all these families were just staring and there was even two making fun of her. I walked up and handed my soda to the cashier, handed him a $5 and told her to keep the change. One of the middle aged women (I knew these people, so I also knew that they all make over 6 digits) grabbed her kid and yelled very loudly, "See that man? He's acting just like Jesus wants us to." For some reason this set me off, so I turned around. I haven't shaved in awhile so I'm rocking some nice scruff, a Slayer shirt, and gym shorts, so it must have been a nice sight. Very loudly, I said "Like Jesus? Ma'am I'm an atheist who makes minimum wage and I was the one who stepped up to help her? Your hypocritical Christianity is an inspiration to us all." As I stormed out, a couple of the cart boys started to whistle and cheer, soon shoppers joined in and even the cashier. I gave a wave and went off with a feeling of accomplishment.

Dr Mantis Toboggan posted:

I can't tell if this is a troll thread or not. Do you guys seriously not have people clap and cheer when you do something? What a sad, pathetic existence.

Idiootti posted:

Even r/atheism managed to realize that this very much didn't happen. I had to find the story on another site because the creator deleted the original.

General Panic posted:

If we're doing poo poo that didn't happen from Troper Tales, will someone who has it please post the one about the guy whose friend was so tough he used to break pencils? It's the single most laughable thing from that site.

General Panic posted:

If we're doing poo poo that didn't happen from Troper Tales, will someone who has it please post the one about the guy whose friend was so tough he used to break pencils? It's the single most laughable thing from that site.

quote:

I'm not even sure what this guy is trying to say.

Mainwaring posted:

This one?

"Arguably, this Troper is probably the youngest of which who suffers from this Trope. This is practically the invisible label that's under the invisible Berserk Button of this 13-year old kid. He broke 33 pencils in his life, and had a good friend break two of those pencils because they were too hard. He even yelled at someone because that guy was the third person who asked if he could be punched for the third time, with a teacher only a mile ahead!"

Shasta Cola posted:

The best part about that story is that he (supposedly?) was bringing a 12 pack of soda to a party. That's how cool he is.

quote:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number, etc).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto. An armed society makes for a more civil society!

Sulphuric Sundae posted:

My coworker read this to me the other day, taken from a Craigslist ad that apparently got some traction around the net.

Sulphuric Sundae posted:

My coworker read this to me the other day, taken from a Craigslist ad that apparently got some traction around the net.

Idiootti posted:

Even r/atheism managed to realize that this very much didn't happen. I had to find the story on another site because the creator deleted the original.

quote:

This troper took a few levels when, after years of being a Woobie so pitiful Shinji would say what the heck is wrong with you, I had enough of a girl I liked always going for this tall, blond guy. When they were talking right in front of me in the street and holding arms and talking and all that, I said, "Shut. The. Hell. Up." The boy looks around and walks over, trying to look menacing. Martial arts studies come in. I take a punch to the forehead and then slide under and punch him in the stomach, he goes backwards and I land another one to his face. I then go berserk and full body tackle him. He managed to crawl away, and say, "That kid...is inhuman!" Another level was taken when I knocked a knife out of Joseph Stubb's hand

Len posted:

It's the third post in the thread.

DrManiac posted:

I love how the poo poo this dude does is 100 times worse than just mugging some guy.

That DICK! posted:

pug wearing a hat posted:

Everyone's friend's roommate's mom is a teacher or nurse who worked with a kid named Shithead/Lemonjello/Orangejello/Abcde.

quote:

A young woman in Central Park overheard an old negress call to a pickaninny: "Come heah, Exy, Exy!"

"Excuse me, but that's a queer name for a baby, aunty?"

"Dat ain't her full name," explained the old woman with pride; "dat's jes' de pet name I calls for short. Dat child got a mighty grand name. Her ma picked it out in a medicine book — yessum, de child's full name is Eczema."

FuriousGeorge posted:

You can tell someone is slingin' some STDH whenever they employ some affected voice to represent the people that they totally owned. I have certain family members that love to break out their "faggy" voice when regaling someone with their tales of destroying wishy-washy liberals with iron-clad conservative logic.

Iceberg-Slim posted:

quote:

Huh, that's interesting.

I'm actually really good friends with two Round Corner employees based out of the Bay Area (they're actually goons), and the only thing you did during that interview to embarrass yourself was demonstrate a total lack of understanding regarding what a CRM was. They, a company way outside of "startup" and one of Salesforce's largest partners, told you their business model right away (which is developing Salesforce for non-profits, such as large charities, colleges and public television stations), and you didn't comprehend how to explain very rudimentary implementations of low level installations. Or how databases worked in regards to Force. Or how databases "worked".

You certainly didn't show your balls off, let alone interview well enough to the point of which they would remotely consider giving you an offer. Your earlier posts got screenshot and shared around their entire office, and had a really good laugh at your expense. Is that what you were going for? If so, when you sent the follow up asking for an update in regards to the status of you getting the job you should have brought it up!

So yeah, if you want to boast about how much you hate a company, I recommend having a reason other than being buttfrustrated at how they made fun of how completely unqualified you was during the interview, or at least doing it on a forum where you wouldn't be called out on your pathetic brony bullshit.

Again.

Iceberg-Slim posted:

Iceberg-Slim posted:

quote:

Though more a 'reader of tropes' than a 'troper', this troper just''had'' to share one of his experiences in Germany. He was stuck in one of the narrow stairwells at the Cathedral in Cologne, with hundreds of people packed in shoulder-to-shoulder above and below him. Nothing was moving, and everyone was grumbling - right up until the point where someone started in with "Hallelujah." The version from "Shrek."

He got about to the third line, when someone else joined in, and another, and another, and by the first refrain everyone in earshot was singing and smiling, their voices shaking the walls of the cathedral. The line began to move moments later, and everyone from the top of the tower to the base of the stairs sung their way down - and were met at the bottom by a solid line of strangers, twenty long and deep, cheering, applauding wildly, even crying. Folks from the stairwell rushed over and embraced family or friends that had been waiting for them, and the initial singer ended up being praised in about four different languages as he made his way to the door. This could also be a Crowning Moment Of Awesome, if read that way. Oh, and though I hope I hardly have to say it - I was the guy who started singing.