Man begs for cash for engagement ring while ex-girlfriend calls him out

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Gas Chamber > Man begs for cash for engagement ring while ex-girlfriend calls him out

BigEasyKittens: Aug 27, 2003

Sarah began talking to Corey in June. It started off as casual conversation about movies, songs, and general bullshit they both loved. Things got more serious when one night at a work barbeque, Corey got drunk and told Sarah that he was bat poo poo crazy about her. Sarah told Corey the same. Their casual texting relationship turned into constant phone calls, sexting, and many nude pictures. They made plans to meet up in December, as they would both be visiting relatives in the same state. Those plans quickly turned into plans to have sex at the stroke of midnight for the December Apocalypse. Sarah had a brilliant idea to see him sooner, so she invited him to Zombie Prom, and set a date to have wild Zombie sex. Soon after this, they both decided that they couldn't wait this long, and agreed to fly him out to see her for one night only in September. Corey sent Sarah amazing, thoughtful gifts for her birthday in July. Then in the beginning of August, he started texting less and less. Sarah's best friend did a little browsing on Facebook, and discovered a post that Corey had made on another girl's wall, saying "I LOVE YOU!" You can imagine Sarah's surprise when she discovered her perfect man wasn't so perfect after all. She asked him if there was anything he was hiding, and he replied that he was just busy at work, and if there was something she needed to know, he would tell her. 2 days later, Corey is listed as "In a relationship" with a girl named Lori. Corey and Sarah agree to remain friends, until a local Colorado news station runs a story on him. The headline reads "Man panhandles to get money to marry his girlfriend." Sarah is pissed.

http://www.9news.com/comments/28418...arry-girlfriend

http://www.kristawatzelphotography....o-for-love.html

Revenge is sweet, and so are you Corey.

Love,
Sarah

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:34

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# ? May 22, 2013 22:33

Goatman Sacks: Apr 4, 2011; Cool Cat thinks offense is for squares

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:35

mcvey: Aug 31, 2006; you're like the only guy on the team with a moustache.

Brenda?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:36

Tornado Lazers: Mar 4, 2008; VAGINA AVOIDER; LEADER OF THE BIBLE STUDY GROUP; WETTEST BLANKET

Keep us updated

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:37

Copley Depot: Jul 9, 2009; This space reserved for future text.

Deep poo poo, man.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:37

Hosenose: Sep 10, 2010

Hey Sarah, I don't think it's going to work out with this Corey guy.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:38

descoteaux: Sep 18, 2003

Dumb poop.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:38

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; Nice custom title

As a slut, I am deeply offended at this gross misuse of the pink sluts tag

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:38

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

I'm going to ignore what you posted and mentally insert a hilarious story about feline detectives in 1920's New Orleans, based on your username, in its place.

Have a nice day.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:39

NTT: Nov 14, 2011; TIME TO END
THIS SO THE
FANS CANS STOP
COMPLAINING
LIKE LITTLE CRY
BABY BITCHES

You are a very angry mouse.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:39

Yeah Funyuns: Jul 21, 2009; by Fistgrrl

Sorry bout your cyber BF. Guess he's back at 99 problems.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:39

Mr.Electric Ocean: May 6, 2007

Well, Sarah, that sucks and I'm sorry. Will he be joining us in this thread?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:40

Black Pants: Jan 16, 2008; Such comfortable, magical pants!

What revenge I don't understand

Is this like a suicide note before Sarah's going to go kill this Corey?

I guess it sucks that someone you chatted with for a while can fall in love with someone else?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:40

SpiderHyphenMan: Mar 31, 2010; Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat as unknown to me, in my sleep I have managed to tune my ear to the frequency of despair, and crossreference by the longitude and latitude of a heart in agony.
SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ONE MORE DAY ALREADY!

BigEasyKittens posted:

Those plans quickly turned into plans to have sex at the stroke of midnight for the December Apocalypse. Sarah had a brilliant idea to see him sooner, so she invited him to Zombie Prom, and set a date to have wild Zombie sex.

You both sound like tools.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:41

Sigma-X: Jun 17, 2005; "thats pretty much it, we all got high, it was sweet you should of been there"
"god damnt knuckles, your plan didn't do anything"

hey you might as well link the two SUPER INCRIMINATING PHOTOS Sarah (you?) is (are?) posting in the comments.

http://imgur.com/QlsKR

http://imgur.com/a4z6c

Sorry it didn't work out with your internet boyfriend.

e: I would love to hear Corey's side of the story. Corey please post

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:41

Suntory BOSS: Apr 17, 2006

quote:

It would be something sweet if it didn't come on the heels of sending another girl naked pictures of yourself, begging her to send you some of hers, making dates to fly out of state to have sex with her in an airport, dressed like zombies after a Halloween dance, at the stroke of midnight on the December apocalypse, and dressed as members of Cobra anywhere and everywhere you can at San Diego comic con. I hope you can get married without a soul. Telling her she is "clever, funny, caring, sexy, and the coolest person [you've] ever met." Don't remember that? It was a month ago. You are the worst kind of human being imaginable. I'm sure Lori is so proud that you have to beg for cash to buy her a ring.

http://imgur.com/QlsKR

http://imgur.com/a4z6c

drat, chill psycho. Go for a run, read some E/N, eat a bucket of ice cream and cry with your girlfriends, whatever you gotta do to get over your short-lived Internet romance. You do not sound like a healthy person.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:41

Ashwat: Nov 11, 2004; Behold the cuteness.

I sincerely hope Corey starts posting in this thread.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:42

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

The correct response to Internet jilting is to buy a 1967 Oldsmobile and travel cross-country gathering friends and allies from a number of ethnic backgrounds as you preach the Jihad of Love.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:42

CCrew: Nov 5, 2007; Rawr

My name is Corey, and my sister is Sara, so this story is completely messing with my head.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:42

ItheWelp87: Sep 12, 2006

What the gently caress is a December apocalypse and why would you plan to have sex on it?

I bet you met him on WoW. You met him on WoW didn't you. Yea you did.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:42

Hosenose: Sep 10, 2010

CCrew posted:

My name is Corey, and my sister is Sara, so this story is completely messing with my head.

Dude, gross.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:42

Yeah Funyuns: Jul 21, 2009; by Fistgrrl

Sigma-X posted:

hey you might as well link the two SUPER INCRIMINATING PHOTOS Sarah (you?) is (are?) posting in the comments.

http://imgur.com/QlsKR

http://imgur.com/a4z6c

Sorry it didn't work out with your internet boyfriend.

e: I would love to hear Corey's side of the story. Corey please post

He has a dumb beard and the handwriting of a 12 year old girl.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:43

bow chicka wow wow: Nov 9, 2008

Just don't wear his skin bro

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:43

SpiderHyphenMan: Mar 31, 2010; Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat as unknown to me, in my sleep I have managed to tune my ear to the frequency of despair, and crossreference by the longitude and latitude of a heart in agony.
SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ONE MORE DAY ALREADY!

Man, GBS Jerry Springer sucks.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:44

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; MORE ROBUST THAN EVER BEFORE.

This is stupid. You're stupid.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:44

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

bow chicka wow wow posted:

Just don't wear his skin bro

Skulls based fashion is in this year. Skulls are the new skin of your enemies.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:44

BigEasyKittens: Aug 27, 2003

I'm sorry, I deleted the more interesting of the photos, and didn't want to post anything on the news website that would get the posts taken down before his "fiance" would see them.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:44

Ilikegrapes: May 17, 2012

So wait are you going to do something mean to him? Where's the revenge part?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:45

E.Nigma: Apr 25, 2008

ItheWelp87 posted:

What the gently caress is a December apocalypse and why would you plan to have sex on it?

I bet you met him on WoW. You met him on WoW didn't you. Yea you did.

People with low IQ's believe the world is going to end in December this year.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:46

squeegee: Jul 22, 2001; Bright as the sun.

BigEasyKittens posted:

I'm sorry, I deleted the more interesting of the photos, and didn't want to post anything on the news website that would get the posts taken down before his "fiance" would see them.

You are totally healthy and well-adjusted. Tell us more

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:46

SpiderHyphenMan: Mar 31, 2010; Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat as unknown to me, in my sleep I have managed to tune my ear to the frequency of despair, and crossreference by the longitude and latitude of a heart in agony.
SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT ONE MORE DAY ALREADY!

Ilikegrapes posted:

So wait are you going to do something mean to him? Where's the revenge part?

Clearly her plan his to make his fiancee hate him by revealing his lame-rear end hobbies.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:46

Prorat: Aug 3, 2004; A mad rat.

Who would want to marry someone with no money? Get some standards.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:47

ItheWelp87: Sep 12, 2006

Visit the breakup thread in E/N

but before you do that, you should publicly destroy his current relationship
(no you shouldn't but we all want to see it)

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:47

Mr.Electric Ocean: May 6, 2007

Why does she have to see it in the comment section of a news website? If you really felt so raw about it, you could hike up your big girl pants and talk to him.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:48

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; Nice custom title

ItheWelp87 posted:

Visit the breakup thread in E/N

but before you do that, you should publicly destroy his current relationship
(no you shouldn't but we all want to see it)

I just hope Corey starts posting so we can get some stories about how this lady waited in a bush outside the window for hours so she could get a piece of stool from her ex lover.

Something to remember him by, ya know?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:48

Black Pants: Jan 16, 2008; Such comfortable, magical pants!

Yeah you.. stick it to your SMS/internet ex. Way to go.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:48

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

E.Nigma posted:

People with low IQ's believe the world is going to end in December this year.

Yeah yeah, you're all geniuses until nothing happens and the resulting confused and disappointed rioting overturns civilization and reduces the world overnight into a crumbling wasteland where I can use my knowledge of fractions and anime to carve out a fiefdom.

I'm taking applications for my all female bodyguard squad.

Ladies.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:48

Aqualung: Oct 10, 2005; Don't worry guys, Ron knows the guy who drives the crane.

He looks (and is) a loser. What does that say about you?

Also when does Corey start posting?

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:48

Thulsa Doom: Jun 20, 2011; Ezekiel 23:20

Prorat posted:

Who would want to marry someone with no money? Get some standards.

This is why Republicans oppose gay marriage, because the next thing is marrying pets and then marrying inanimate objects and chicks will be able to just marry money and mankind will go extinct, and a species of sentient isopods will take out place as the kings of the world.

Have you ever seen an isopod? I'm Mitt Romney, and I approved this message.

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:49

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# ? May 22, 2013 22:33

Canadian Surf Club: Feb 15, 2008; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Life's too short to write rambling no paragraph passages on the internet

# ? Aug 21, 2012 02:50

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Gas Chamber > Man begs for cash for engagement ring while ex-girlfriend calls him out