Star Wars: Emperor Paul Saltines Karate Killings

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TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

The Star Wars universe in the hands of people who know how to tell a story could be amazing. Just look at Empire Strikes Back.

zenguitarman posted:

I always thought the original plan was to have a prequel trilogy and a sequel trilogy, were there ever any first drafts or anything of this?

Hopefully RLM has a reaction video to this.

All those times Lucas said poo poo was "already written" were lies. Every single one.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2012 21:28

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 08:28

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

CelticPredator posted:

Watch Pain and Gain or The Rock instead.

Those are good, but you're not really experiencing Michael Bay until you're sitting in front of a large screen, letting Bad Boys II wash over you.

On a format other than BluRay, for some reason.

Looking forward to The Force Awakens being fine. It's really sad how the prequel era made that something to look forward to.

# ¿ Sep 7, 2015 13:31

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

McDowell posted:

The Star Wars has never just been movies - it is toys, books, video games, and other merchandise.

Remote controlled balls, for example

# ¿ Oct 10, 2015 02:50

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

The MSJ posted:

The latest rumor is that Michael B Jordan will play ~~Dread Pirate~~ Boba Fett in a standalone movie.

His recent everywhereness makes me wonder what kind of butt stuff he did with which executives in their offices.

# ¿ Oct 11, 2015 16:13

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Kingtheninja posted:

I'm still trying to set aside time to watch the Machete order, but maybe I'll just give up and do this instead.

I watch Star Wars the same way I watch Star Trek TOS movies. Skip the two worthless ones, watch the good ones in order, then watch Episode 1 as a weird curiosity more than as a film meant to be enjoyed.

# ¿ Oct 15, 2015 18:58

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Yaws posted:

Yes they're wretched an indicative of Lucas' retardation.

Was there any truth the rumors that we're finally getting the despecialized edition on blu-ray?

Was more wishful thinking than rumor thanks to the Mouse owning Star Wars now. It's not gonna happen until Lucas dies.

# ¿ Oct 17, 2015 23:29

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Jewmanji posted:

Actually it'd be like if you said you loved the White Album but hated the entire second half. Also your favorite movie features an army of fighting teddy bears so maybe you need to re-evaluate things.

Let's say The White Album came out, people liked it, and then 20+ years later Paul, with no help from John, George, or Ringo, put out something he declared to be "the first half of The White Album." It's completely inferior to the original White Album. I think that in that situation a fan would be perfectly justified in saying "I love The White Album, but I hate the White Album prequel. But I love The White Album, and nothing will change that."

There were decades where these three movies were Star Wars. These three movies, one directed by George Lucas and salvaged by his now-ex wife and two directed by others from screenplays made functional by Lawrence Kasdan with "input" from Lucas were it. There was an EU if you were interested in digging into that, and some random weird TV poo poo that didn't really seem to count canonically, but other than that it was just these three movies. Three VHS tapes. Some of us had issues with parts of Jedi, some of us groaned at parts of A New Hope, but this Holy Trilogy - this cohesive series of three films telling one large story, which was a goddamn feat in itself back then - was the thing you liked if you liked Star Wars. I like Star Wars. I hate the prequels. I don't feel like these garbage prequels average Star Wars down to something I hate. I just ignore the prequels. That's valid. Just like you can like Star Trek and think ST5, the TNG films, and Voyager are poo poo. Yea, that's a lot of Star Trek to hate, but that doesn't change how much you like that original series and TNG/DS9.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 02:37

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Cnut the Great posted:

That's a specious point, though. Everyone knows movies are collaborative enterprises, but everyone also agrees that not everyone gets to consider themselves the author of the film. That's not how it works. That's not how it ever works. The only reason people have a problem with it in this case is because A) Lucas made changes years after the movie was released to the public instead of before it was released, and B) people chronically misunderstand the creative role Lucas played on the second two films as executive producer.

Kershner and Marquand never, ever had final cut on the films they directed, and they knew that, and they were okay with it. Lucas's executive producer role on TESB and ROTJ was essentially the same as that of an executive producer on a modern serialized TV show. He hired directors and gave them creative freedom within certain constraints, but he came up with the story, he contributed to and had final say at every stage when it came to the script, he made casting decisions, he signed off on costume and set designs, and he put everything into its final form at the end.

It's the same kind of role someone like Matthew Weiner would have played on a show like Mad Men. As far as I know, no one ever got mad at Matthew Weiner for not constantly deferring to all the various writers and directors working under him whenever he wanted to take the story in a particular direction (or cast his dead-eyed son in a recurring role).

You're really, really underselling the contributions of Kershner, Kasdan, and Lucas' ex wife. It's no accident that once Lucas exited the director's chair and better writers showed up, the characters all started talking like people.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 02:39

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Cnut the Great posted:

I'm really not, but I really don't feel like going over everything yet again.

It's also beside the point, because regardless of the magnitude of their contributions (which were indeed significant!) they weren't the authors of the film. If they wanted to be, they could have refused to work for George unless he gave them a greater amount of creative ownership.

We could argue over the importance of the contributions of others, or we could just look at the Prequel trilogy, over which Lucas had total authorship. They speak for themselves.

quote:

If they were all really that completely and totally indispensable compared to Lucas, the creator of the series, then they would have had no problem finding the necessary bargaining leverage.

Holy lol if that's how you think the movie industry works.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 02:49

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Bongo Bill posted:

I like George Lucas and the prequels but you can't deny the man's got a bit of a tin ear when it comes to writing dialog. He's far more interested in the visual aspect, and, well, it's called a motion picture after all.

Perhaps Lucas' talents would be put to better use making something like Fantasia or Koyaanisqatsi, then.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 02:53

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Megasabin posted:

Lucas is still the director. No one makes this stupid argument with other movies. Only with Star Wars, because they want an excuse to label The Prequels/The Special Editions/Insert whatever you don't like as "not actually Star Wars". It's a dumb argument, and you should stop trying to defend it.

Not of Empire (the best one) or Jedi.

There is an obvious creative disconnected between the Original Trilogy and the Prequel Trilogy. It's pretty obvious that Lucas' level of control (and lack of creatives with the clout to argue against his lesser impulses) is where that difference lives. I'm honestly amazed that this is in any way controversial.

TheScott2K fucked around with this message at 03:01 on Oct 18, 2015

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 02:56

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

SuperMechagodzilla posted:

When we say that Star Wars fans do not actually like Star Wars, we can point to concrete examples.

In this entire lengthy bit of text, the only praise Scott 2000 can muster is that the OT is 'cohesive' and 'functional'.

I was making a point about the prequel trilogy, not writing a tribute to the OT. If you want me to poo poo out a thousand words about the things I love about the OT I can do that sometime, since I apparently I owe you proof that I like them.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 03:07

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Have you people seriously never heard the OT coloquially referred to as the "Holy Trilogy" before?

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 03:09

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Y Kant Ozma Diet posted:

At the very least can we all agree that the Darth Maul duel was dope as gently caress?

I'll sign off on that five minutes being pretty solid. Spoiling the double-saber in the trailer was a shithouse move, but that's movie marketing for you.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 03:18

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Cnut the Great posted:

Empire obviously wouldn't have been the same if Kershner and Kasdan weren't involved. That's true.

But let's do a thought experiment. If you went back in time to 1977 before Empire even began to exist, and you wanted to recreate it in its current form as closely as possible, how would you be most likely to accomplish that? By setting Lucas to work on his own, or by setting Kershner and Kasdan to work on their own? If you've read anything about how Empire was made, you'd know the answer.

Is "I love you/I know" more important than the very concept of Darth Vader being Luke's father? Is Han and Leia's screwball comedy routine more important than the dramatic imagery of Han Solo being ripped from Leia's arms and frozen in carbonite? What about Yoda, and the Imperial walkers, and the City in the Clouds, and C-3PO getting blown apart and put back together again by Chewbacca?

All that stuff originated with Lucas. It definitely wouldn't exist without him. Maybe an independent effort by Kershner and Kasdan would have given us something even better than Empire, but it wouldn't be anything like the movie you love.

You seem to be arguing against a contention nobody made that Lucas' contributions were not important to the OT.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 03:26

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Yaws posted:

You're right. I didn't mention Red Tails. Another Lucas embarrassment.

Don't forget Strange Magic

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 03:44

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Cnut the Great posted:

Empire's acting and dialogue is constrained by the general Star Wars style, but it's still looser and more naturalistic than it is in any of the other five films. That's because Kershner was more of an actor's director, and he liked to constantly improvise on set (which incidentally created its own problems in terms of confusing actors and lengthening the shooting schedule).

But the prequels' dialogue and acting is fairly indistinguishable from A New Hope. It's all the same kind of hammy. I don't know any reason you can give ANH a pass and not the prequels except for nostalgia. I guess you could argue that kind of approach was only right for the particular kind of movie ANH was. But Star Wars has never been an acting showcase, because that wasn't its aim or emphasis. That's not just a meme, it's the truth.

Unlike the prequels, though, A New Hope actually has a story to tell beyond "this kid turns into a bad guy over the course of three movies." A New Hope has a clear protagonist, a clear antagonist, and the protagonist goes on a hero's journey. Luke starts the movie as a dumb kid and ends it as the savior of the rebellion, and the events of the movie make his status earned. You see Luke grow up over the course of ANH. A New Hope has a lot of lovely dialog with stilted delivery, but it tells a compelling, universally-understandable story, has some great visuals, and shows you a world full of interesting things that light up your imagination. It tells you just enough about the force, the Jedi, and all that poo poo for it to be interesting, and leaves tons of room for your mind to wander after you walk out of the theater.

None of the prequels pull this off. None of them have a story strong enough, nor characters interesting enough, nor a setting interesting enough to make the lovely dialog and stilted delivery something you can overlook. A New Hope is a film in which a farm boy who feels trapped in his life happens upon the opportunity to rescue a princess while learning from a piece of his absent father's past that he actually has the stuff to be something more than who he is. He makes new friends, rescues the princess, and leads the good guys to victory against the bad guys. What is Phantom Menace about? It's just events. It's a movie that does backstory work for the original trilogy with seemingly random action scenes sprinkled throughout. Who's the protagonist? I can think of four characters who might qualify, none of whom have any real arc.

ANH gets away with its lovely dialog by having the rest of the movie be really drat good. None of the prequels accomplish that, which is why they still get dinged for it.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 04:14

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Jewmanji posted:

Your description of ANH maps onto TPM almost perfectly.

It really doesn't, though.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 04:22

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Anakin in TPM displays about as much agency as Jar Jar. The princess isn't being held hostage by Vaguely Rapey Robot Man, she has a political problem that devolves into a military conflict in which the kid basically bounces around in a space ship. If you didn't know he was going to be Vader someday, you'd wonder why he was even in the movie. TPM has Lucas' "It's like poetry, it rhymes" bullshit in common with ANH but that's it.

# ¿ Oct 18, 2015 04:33

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

AfroLine posted:

Anakin only knew his mother. There was no father. hosed up, I know.

Watoo got in there

# ¿ Oct 19, 2015 20:30

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Star Wars nerds hate football but are watching to see a trailer, while football fans hate the Eagles and the Giants but can't help but watch the Star Wars fans hate this. This may be the peak of ESPN's existence.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:21

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

At least nobody had to buy tickets to Wing Commander this time.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:24

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

I said come in! posted:

Hahaha I saw that in theaters opening weekend.

Could have been a decent pew pew movie if Chris Roberts weren't such a loving goober

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:26

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Big Mean Jerk posted:

It's even funnier because you know the official Star Wars Youtube HD upload will go live 5 minutes after the halftime debut. But no, gotta mash F5 and suffer through sportball because Star War.

There are a whole bunch of fuckdicks uploading things with thumbnails that look like they're the trailer now. Youtube is pretty terrible.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:27

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Phobeste posted:

So is this a rerelease or something? Idgi

It's a re-remaster. This time Lucas had Hayden Christiansen dub over James Earl Jones' lines and all the principal actors ADRed in references to Naboo so the prequels are better integrated. This is actually what Lucas had in mind from the start.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:36

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Chinatown posted:

My ESPN stream is a bit behind, any of you nerds know how to speed it up and get 4000k signal

thanks, in advance

Get cable.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:40

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Fun fact: Disney is using football to make sure more people see the Star Wars trailer, not the other way around.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:45

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

I hope Philly fans do what they do best and boo this trailer

Petite Dinklage posted:

Watching Sam Bradford scramble around and then throw that pass would be like watching Luke make the trench run and then accidentally pop his canopy

"Whoops!" *pulls canopy back down*

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:47

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Heads up non football fans: at 2 minutes left, the clock stops for literally no reason.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:50

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

I hope everyone watching via WatchESPN just gets the ESPN logo and "Commercial Break. We'll be right back." when the trailer airs.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:52

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

I hope tonight all the nerds have gained a new appreciation for Instant Replay

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:56

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Filthy Hans posted:

I still don't understand how Hayden Christenson got 2 rings with the Giants

Twice as many as his more talented brother!

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 02:58

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Hey a run play that should make everyone happy oh wait flag

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 03:00

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

jivjov posted:

I swear to god, these teams are stopping the play clock on purpose

Yes, that is a valid football strategy near the end of the half and/or game.

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 03:02

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

One week of football generates as much money as a Star War

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 03:04

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Pops Mgee posted:

Oh poo poo Cam Newton is in the new Star Wars!

Dannon Oikos is Kylo Ren's go-to protein snack

# ¿ Oct 20, 2015 03:06

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

dialhforhero posted:

Superman is one of the top superheroes iconic to/of America (Captain America aside, of course). A lot of people were angry that Superman was played by a Brit, is all. Which is ridiculous.

Of all the things to be angry about with that movie...

# ¿ Nov 9, 2015 03:05

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

James Cameron's last rewatchable movie was True Lies and its DVD is loving trash

Edit: gently caress me there was another page after CameronChat

# ¿ Nov 9, 2015 17:33

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

BigglesSWE posted:

Sooo.....would you guys say this fits in with the current Star Wars Canon?

Star Wars: Linda, I'm exhausted.

# ¿ Nov 9, 2015 19:47

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 08:28

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Rando posted:

cross-guard officially explained as exhaust, autistic tensions ease.

Oh, okay, it's because his saber is more powerful than a normal lightsaber, meaning that in addition to cleanly cutting through basically anything it can also

# ¿ Nov 16, 2015 21:03

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