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If you couldn't guess, my name is cuntvalet. I've been fat all of my life. Well...except for a strange point in time in highschool, when I got down to 150 lb without trying (seriously...it just happened...I think it was a case of accidentally skipping meals and going to punk shows/moshing a lot). Like the idiot I was I gained it all back and now I hover between 195 to 210 lb. I hate being fat. I feel insecure every day. This all came to a head recently when I nearly broke down in tears in dance class because I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I love my dance company, my instructor and my team, but I've been seriously considering quitting after this session because of these issues. I got to talking to my boyfriend (who at one point lost 90 lb in a year) and together we decided to lose weight and be healthier together. Just The Facts Gender: Female Age: 23 Height: 5'7" Weight: 210 lb I'm very intimidated by this whole undertaking. I'm not very active (I work a desk job...the job sucks) and exercise is intimidating. The idea of making a Toxx goal is very intimidating. My family is very well meaning but not very healthy. My mom is really bad for this and will send home sweets and chips as treats to show she's thinking of me. I have about 5 bags of chips in my pantry untouched because I don't want to be fat anymore. The Dreaded  Goal: I will lose 10 lb by Feb. 1st. This is by no means an end all, be all goal. But everybody has to start somewhere... Pictures to come at some point, I'm sure. For the mean time, here is a headshot that was taken at my first ever dance performance. This is one of the few recent photos of myself that I actually like:  Feb. 1st Update I came very close to my goal, weighing in this morning at 203 lb. Not the success I wanted, but pretty close.  EDIT: This is my cat, Zoey. She doesn't think I can do it. Well, she has a genetic mutation that makes her have stubby legs like a corgi and she's fat. So she looks like a footstool, and what does she know?  I'm sorry, Z-Butt. I still love you. Nov. 2012 This is what I look like right now. Simply taking these pictures sent me into a down spiral of crying and self hatred. I wish I was just being overdramatic about that.   Note: Hanging my head in shame. As it should be. 
cuntvalet fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2013 around 02:00 |
| # ? Nov 25, 2012 05:48 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 02:38 |
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Hey, saw you in the general thread asking for advice. Keep up with your dance classes!
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 06:28 |
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Good luck! You can totally do this.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 06:39 |
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Your picture there is super cute! Obligatory log pointers that someone else would post if I didn't: 1) Even if you don't post them now (or ever), get some full-body photos so you can compare your progress as you go. 2) Do you have a plan for how to reach your Toxx? What kind of eating? What kind of exercise?
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 06:48 |
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This is a great place to be for advice, support, and encouragement, and you've set a very reasonable goal to start out with. Best of luck!
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 06:48 |
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Yay, I remember your name from the makeup thread! I support your log. Good for you for starting one. Interested in seeing what your exercise and nutrition look like for your weight loss goals.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 07:24 |
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Yesssssssssssss! You can do it. What's your plan?
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 09:22 |
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I fifth that. It doesn't need to be a comprehensive plan yet, but something to build on and start incorporating in to your routine is really the first step. Since you've got a partner in crime, it opens up a lot of opportunities for activities, not to mention making it harder to skip out.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 14:13 |
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Hey, glad you made a log. I would recommend counting your calories and posting them here along with your workouts. Remember that your goal will come mostly from diet, but exercise will help as well. Also people will post in your log if you have lots of pictures of either pets or yourself.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 16:17 |
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High five fellow new log maker! I started mine three weeks ago and it has been hugely motivational. Post your plan! Even if it's something basic like "Dance class twice a week", it'll keep you accountable.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 16:48 |
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Glad you finally got this started.  I'm gonna echo posting your meals here with macro-nutrient breakdown(counting calories via properly weighing poo poo - this sounds so neurotic, but seriously, do it). And obviously, what your exercise is for the day. It's great you have close support - I'd think that'd be a huge motivator to keep on track!Also, where do you park them while the owners are away?
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 18:09 |
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Deep 13 posted:Hey, saw you in the general thread asking for advice. Keep up with your dance classes! Thanks, where I am right now, it's really hard because it's taking the joy out of them, but I'm going to try and stick it out. HookShot posted:Good luck! You can totally do this. Voodoo Doll posted:This is a great place to be for advice, support, and encouragement, and you've set a very reasonable goal to start out with. Best of luck! Thank you, I hope you're right! Nendil posted:Your picture there is super cute! Thank you for the compliment. I will be getting and (most likely) posting full-body photos, like you said, for comparison. Also so that if I succeed in making a transformation, other girls struggling with the same stuff can look at my log. That's how I've been doing a lot of log following, by finding users who seem to have the same goals/body type as me. As for plans...nothing very scientific or technical. Eat less/more healthily. Count calories (going back to using MyFitnessPal). Dance class once a week, walking to and from work every day (so about half an hour each day). For now, that's about all I have. I feel like I'll be told it's not enough but...it's what I have for now. Frown Town posted:Yay, I remember your name from the makeup thread! I support your log. Good for you for starting one. Haha, it's certainly a name that can be hard to forget. Thank you for the support. Right now, my plan is very novice, but it's a starting point. slinkimalinki posted:Yesssssssssssss! You can do it. What's your plan? Stop shoving so much/such unhealthy things in my maw. Count calories, keep track of what I'm eating/drinking. Continue with dance. Walk to and from work every day. Possibly do other walking on days when it's not freaking cold out (Canadian Winter  ).It's...a starting point I guess. Avenging_Mikon posted:I fifth that. It doesn't need to be a comprehensive plan yet, but something to build on and start incorporating in to your routine is really the first step. Since you've got a partner in crime, it opens up a lot of opportunities for activities, not to mention making it harder to skip out. I think so. Not to mention Nic (my boyfriend) is a fantastic cook and knows where I'm coming from emotionally, I think that'll help a lot. The Wiggly Wizard posted:Hey, glad you made a log. I would recommend counting your calories and posting them here along with your workouts. Remember that your goal will come mostly from diet, but exercise will help as well. Also people will post in your log if you have lots of pictures of either pets or yourself. I've always liked highly visual logs. I'm gonna try to post a picture every time I write a post in here (except when I post from my phone as that never seems to go over well...). See...here, this is my cat, Zoey (aka the magnificent Z-Butt).  She has really stubby legs. It's sort of hilarious. Rockets posted:High five fellow new log maker! I started mine three weeks ago and it has been hugely motivational. Post your plan! Even if it's something basic like "Dance class twice a week", it'll keep you accountable. Might work in some scheduled practice times in my living room too, now that I think about it. Also, since he will be mentioned a bit, here's a picture of Nic and I, after making zombie-themed cookies for Halloween. Not a great picture of me, but it's a fantastic picture of him, so yay! 
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 18:20 |
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Myfitnesspal can be great, as long as you go into the goals section and mess with it to give you better protein goals and higher calorie goals.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 18:40 |
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Good luck with your goals. Nice to see that you finally posted a log instead of posting about posting about posting 
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 20:41 |
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Hey, awesome to see you make this log! We've got your back. At the risk of being a creeper: you're mighty cute now, and you're going to be freaking stunning as you get fit and gain confidence!  cuntvalet posted:My family is very well meaning but not very healthy. My mom is really bad for this and will send home sweets and chips as treats to show she's thinking of me. I have about 5 bags of chips in my pantry untouched because I don't want to be fat anymore.  Solution: I make sure they're never in my house. I used to feel guilty about throwing away food until I realized that it's not "good" food that I was tossing--it's stuff that will make you unhealthy. No loss!
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 20:42 |
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Zoey is so pretty! We will definitely require more pics of her. You and your man are pretty, too, but we tend to be rather partial to pets.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 20:42 |
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The Macaroni posted:Solution: I make sure they're never in my house. I used to feel guilty about throwing away food until I realized that it's not "good" food that I was tossing--it's stuff that will make you unhealthy. No loss! I still need to learn that one. cuntvalet posted:
CAT! *cough* On a more serious note, having someone in the house who can cook is an amazing bonus. My pathetic kitchen experiments have shown me just how poorly I've been eating, and knowing I only have my own cooking to look forward to is tough some times. My consolation is I'm actually getting better at it. Slowly. Really slowly. And I've just started using myfitnesspal, and it works really well even just as a tracker for what you've done, without messing with goals it gives, though obviously personalization will make it better.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 21:09 |
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Avenging_Mikon posted:I still need to learn that one.  And Thanksgiving. 
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 21:12 |
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Just my 2 cents here: In addition to taking full-body pics of yourself (with reproducible lighting!) take your measurements! I still can't really see a difference in myself despite dropping twenty pounds, but I have lost 2 inches off my waist.
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| # ? Nov 25, 2012 23:30 |
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I finished NaNoWriMo today with 5 days to spare. That said, I spent all day on a couch pounding out about 10k worth of words. To say today was the worst "first day of the rest of my life" ever is an understatement. Two cans of coke and a lemonade later and I hate myself. I guess the best way to punish myself is to take those pictures of myself now. Might as well, and I'll post those later tonight. For now...I updated my OP to include a picture of Zoey. So...more cat love, I guess?
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 02:05 |
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cuntvalet posted:I finished NaNoWriMo today with 5 days to spare. That said, I spent all day on a couch pounding out about 10k worth of words. To say today was the worst "first day of the rest of my life" ever is an understatement. Congratulations! It takes a lot of dedication and willpower to finish something like that. Also, it's a language and way of thinking that is very easy to fall into, but I find it unhelpful to think of food and exercise in terms of rewards and punishments. Food and exercise are not moral issues!
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 02:47 |
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Body pictures are up in the OP. Or if you can't be assed, you can see my shame here. Goddamnit. Well, to the nice people who said I looked cute, etc...uhm...sorry I guess.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 03:45 |
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I said you looked cute and I stand by it!  You can always change your body. But a cute face is cute.What are your calorie/macro goals? P.S. Your wall-masks are creepy and makes me think you live in one of those Super Mario 2 jars.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 05:05 |
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cuntvalet posted:Body pictures are up in the OP. Or if you can't be assed, you can see my shame here. The good thing about this is that in a month's time when you feel like nothing's changed, you'll be able to post new pics and see the difference. It can be very motivating to see the changes. You know, you spend a lot of time apologising for yourself, when you've really done nothing wrong.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 05:08 |
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slinkimalinki posted:You know, you spend a lot of time apologising for yourself, when you've really done nothing wrong. I was thinking this exact thing. Also, while I realize you're bigger than you want to be right now, you have a very nice base to work with, an hourglass shape that looks feminine and pretty now and will look more and more amazing as you progress in your goals.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 05:27 |
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GUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl you gon' look so fiiiine! Bookmarking the hell out of this.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 06:00 |
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I have the same thing going on with my Mum. She is constantly bringing packets of chips and biscuits over to my house. I appreciate that she thinks I "deserve" to eat "nice things" from time to time, but I don't need to have high calorie snacks sitting around my house so usually I get rid of them the minute she leaves. Telling her to please stop doing it worked for a while, but lately with Christmas coming I've noticed her increasing the frequency of her deliveries. Don't feel bad about throwing the food away if it is something that is causing you grief or stopping you from reaching your goals. I donate mine to a food bank, or give them away to visiting friends with kids. What Mum doesn't know can't hurt her, and I have specifically asked her not to do it so I don't feel guilty about getting rid of them. You shouldn't either. Or perhaps ask her to send healthier snacks instead if she must send something? Also, I just wanted to say welcome, and good on you for starting a log and deciding to change. It's a hard, scary thing to make big life changes. But you can do this, you will see! You have goon support with you! 
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 06:26 |
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Get rid of the soda! Those calories could be replaced by more chicken!
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 13:31 |
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cuntvalet posted:I finished NaNoWriMo today with 5 days to spare. That said, I spent all day on a couch pounding out about 10k worth of words. To say today was the worst "first day of the rest of my life" ever is an understatement.  I'm so jealous of anyone who has the time and motivation to do NaNoWriMo - it's all I can do to write flash fiction for the Thunderdome thread, which I don't even do every week (you should check it out by the way, it's really fun). One of the ladybros around here once said something along the lines of "You're not a dog, so stop rewarding yourself with food." It remains one of my favourite dieting mantras because it's so true - rewards and punishments are just not a productive way of thinking about your diet and it will make you resent it. You're making a change and doing something good for your body and it will take time for you to unlearn old habits and replace them with new ones, so don't beat yourself up if you slip up once in a while. Maybe get some diet pop or crystal light or something to wean yourself off soft drinks if you can't go cold turkey PS: What kind of dance do you do??
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 14:17 |
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Fanky Malloons posted:
Bollywood! I actually had an "ask me about being a bollywood dancer" thread awhile ago but quite a few goons poo poo on it because I wasn't actually in movies? So they argued I should have called it "Indian Style dancing". It's actually pretty intense, there is a lot of movement (and fast movement at that) and my instructor is great. She's body positive, funny, enthusiastic and really dedicated to what she does. I've been dancing with this dance company for a year and a half, now. Nendil posted:I said you looked cute and I stand by it! I'm really not sure what macro is. Calorie wise, I'm aiming to be at/under 1200 a day. The masks are false face masks that were made on a reserve near where I live. I always thought they'd creep me out too, but I actually felt more comfortable in my house (I always get creeped out in new places) once I put them up. Except for one night when one fell off the wall and rolled to the other side of the room.  It's never done that since.slinkimalinki posted:The good thing about this is that in a month's time when you feel like nothing's changed, you'll be able to post new pics and see the difference. It can be very motivating to see the changes. I know it's no excuse, but I was bullied a poo poo load as a kid for being fat. So I've come to be really self-degradating about it. I guess because I feel if I make fun of myself anything I say is probably more cruel and creative than what other people can make up, so I've always just tried to beat people to the punch with jokes against myself. That said, the one and only time Nic has ever raised his voice at me was when I said something fairly cruel about myself. Voodoo Doll posted:I was thinking this exact thing. Also, while I realize you're bigger than you want to be right now, you have a very nice base to work with, an hourglass shape that looks feminine and pretty now and will look more and more amazing as you progress in your goals. Thanks. I think I'm going to post some pictures of when I was a lot smaller. I actually worked a little on the set of the Silent Hill movie (actually, on the first and second movie sets, but the first one was when I was at my smallest) and I ended up being photographed in the local news paper modelling one of the staff shirts. I need to post that one, I think. Sharks Below posted:GUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl you gon' look so fiiiine! Fingers crossed, Sharks! NomNomNom posted:Get rid of the soda! Those calories could be replaced by more chicken! Yeah, soda and especially cola is one of those things I genuinely love. I'm also one of those people that if you give me diet cola, I can taste the difference, so it's not really a good substitute. Mmm drinkable chicken... Right, I usually end these posts with a picture so uh...look! A younger, smaller me...  and uh... 
cuntvalet fucked around with this message at Nov 26, 2012 around 18:01 |
| # ? Nov 26, 2012 17:59 |
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It sucks sometimes to take progress pics but when you see the difference in the month I think you will be very pleasantly surprised! Bollywood dancing sounds like it is a very awesome and fun workout too, if you ever take videos you should totes post them. Good luck on your goals!
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 18:12 |
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Citrine posted:Bollywood dancing sounds like it is a very awesome and fun workout too, if you ever take videos you should totes post them. Seconding this.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 18:13 |
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At your current weight 1200 calories a day sounds like it could be incredibly hard to achieve (ie, it will probably make you feel like utter poo poo, because your body currently uses quite a bit of energy to survive), which might be a reason why you've given up on weight loss in the past. Based on the suggestions in the Quick Start Guide -- which is not gospel, but is simple and has worked for a lot of people, me included -- how about raising your calorie goal to 2000, and aiming for 200g of protein a day. ("Macro" in this situation is short for macronutrient: protein, carbs or fat). You will still lose weight, but you won't feel as horrendously deprived and you'll have the energy for all the activity you're doing. As your weight comes down, you can readjust your calorie goal downwards. I'd recommend not entering your exercise into myfitnesspal: it tends to lose its mind a bit and tell you you've earned a zillion extra calories. If this log can be a way for you to be less cruel to yourself, that would be a really positive change. The other side of "you're not a dog, don't reward yourself with food", is "you're not a wicked stepmother, don't punish yourself with lack of food either".
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 19:18 |
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cuntvalet posted:
How about getting those mini cans of soda? And/or, storing your soda out of the fridge? If you only keep one in the fridge, and replace it when you drink it, there won't be a second cold soda when you're done with the first. (Or you'll learn to love lukewarm coke).
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 19:24 |
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lumbergill posted:How about getting those mini cans of soda? And/or, storing your soda out of the fridge? If you only keep one in the fridge, and replace it when you drink it, there won't be a second cold soda when you're done with the first. (Or you'll learn to love lukewarm coke). Cute story time! When I was really young I wanted to be just like my dad. He drank cola all the time but the carbonation bothered me (having never had pop before) so he would leave part cans of coke out overnight so they would go flat so I could drink them.  And this is how I learned to like both lukewarm and flat cola. I really wish I was kidding here. Cute story but it sorta set me up for failure earlier in life I must admit!
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 19:56 |
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Get on that Pepsi Max with panax ginseng
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 20:02 |
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cuntvalet posted:I'm really not sure what macro is. Calorie wise, I'm aiming to be at/under 1200 a day. To add to what Slinkimalinki already helpfully explained, 200 grams of protein might be pretty hard to achieve at first (I aim for 140-150 and still have to work for it most days), because you have to learn what foods will give you enough protein without overshooting your calories. To get yourself into those eating habits, you might want to try for 100-120 g for a while first, then 150, etc. For that matter, the Quick Start Guide says you should aim for 1g per lbs you want to weigh, so you might not even need to go much higher than 150. cuntvalet posted:I actually worked a little on the set of the Silent Hill movie (actually, on the first and second movie sets, but the first one was when I was at my smallest) and I ended up being photographed in the local news paper modelling one of the staff shirts. Just wanna say I loved the first Silent Hill movie (haven't seen #2 yet) for its art direction, especially the costumes and set work. That means you are cool. One more suggestion: I find that sparkling waters usually fulfill my "want a soda" feelings pretty quickly. Especially the ones with added flavors like lime. But I wouldn't recommend the ones with artificial sweeteners, those are creepy.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 20:19 |
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To add to protein chat, I don't think I ever actually achieved my target protein, but I found that focussing on getting as much protein as I possibly could meant that I wasn't focussing on what I couldn't have (not that there's anything you really can't have) but on what I could achieve. It really helped take the moral judgement out of dieting and made it more of a game. Also, protein shakes are delicious if you get the right brand.
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| # ? Nov 26, 2012 20:48 |
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Nendil posted:Just wanna say I loved the first Silent Hill movie (haven't seen #2 yet) for its art direction, especially the costumes and set work. That means you are cool. I didn't do a whole lot on the sets. I more or less just shooed fans away or curious passer bys, did coffee runs and got to eat dinner with the cast and crew/eat out of the craft truck. Also I love those sparkling waters!!! Especially in cherry or citrus flavours. I've had a migraine all day so I haven't done much. My mom brought me deli made chicken soup for lunch, and I had plain chicken, some rice, carrots and celery for dinner. I'm thinking that's kinda healthy! I actually feel pretty good after that meal. I'm not like...stuffed or anything, just content and satisfied.
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| # ? Nov 27, 2012 00:47 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 02:38 |
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cuntvalet posted:I actually feel pretty good after that meal. I'm not like...stuffed or anything, just content and satisfied. Isn't that the best? Sorry you've got a migraine. I hope you're feeling better soon!
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| # ? Nov 27, 2012 00:53 |
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