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KetTarma posted:Puggles Wait. Was he staff or student? 
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Dec 26, 2012 04:49
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Mad Dragon posted:Wait. Was he staff or student? SPU. This is why everyone hates SPUs. Good test scores and looking good on paper yield poo poo like that.
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Dec 26, 2012 05:14
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Guy in my office is on trial for sending pictures of his dick to an underage applicant. Like a week after he was arrested my 1SG was mad at us for not signing her up into the army yet 
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Dec 26, 2012 05:59
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Best part is now he still gets pay and only works like 3 hours a week and doesnt have to come to the office, and gets out of all the mando stuff, so so far I'm not seeing a downside!
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Dec 26, 2012 06:01
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I may have posted that before but it makes me mad to think about it! 
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Dec 26, 2012 06:06
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DEVILDOGOOORAH posted:I may have posted that before but it makes me mad to think about it! Sounds like you know what you need to do! grumplestiltzkin posted:hahahaha no. Reread my previous post, the nuke fleet is full of dumbfucks. Its just that you get a bunch of really really smart dumbfucks together, and they work out ways to cover up their dumbfuckery. I just wanted hope to hold on to  e: bus xwonderboyx posted:Dude got kicked off my boat for sleeping on watch. He slept on every watch, but the one that got him was topside. Anyway, doctor diagnosed him with narcolepsy. So what do they have him doing while in holding awaiting separation? Duty driver. Mother loving narcoleptic duty driver. This dude wrecked a van full of dudes on their way to holiday stand down on the hour long drive from Groton to Providence airport. Just drifted it into a ditch doing about 50. movax fucked around with this message at 06:28 on Dec 26, 2012 |
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Dec 26, 2012 06:25
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sounds like malpractice if i've ever heard it oh wait people can't get in trouble in the military HAHAHAHAHA
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Dec 26, 2012 06:32
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DrCuntmuffins posted:sounds like malpractice if i've ever heard it I am pretty sure that the docs didn't suggest that he be a duty driver. More like his inept command thought it'd be a great idea to keep him employed. I had a SSgt in one of my units that turned out to be narcoleptic. Dude would pass the gently caress out anytime he was sitting down not doing anything.
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Dec 26, 2012 06:36
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While riding out to a DZ for a jump I was abruptly awoken by a loud slam, a huge swerve, and sparks shooting down the side of the bus. We pulled into the dirt parking area a few seconds later, and as we got off the bus someone pointed out that all of the glass around the door was shattered and the last steps were smashed in to pieces so we had to jump out. I was too tired to make any sense of it, so I found a spot to go back to sleep on the ground in the staging area. One of our instructors walked up to the driver to find out what happened, and while he was listening pulled the entire front right tire off of its shattered hub. My instructor was a really quiet, polite, professional guy, and hardly raised his voice. Pretty rare in the Army. The only part of the conversation I heard was my instructor yelling "are you loving stupid? What kind of deer blows a wheel off a bus, smashes in the windows and floor, and is polite enough to clean up his blood and guts before dieing?" Just short of our parking area is a small bridge with raised 2' concrete siding that this guy managed to drive right into at 50 mph, and not flip the bus. I've done some things that I'd consider "dangerous" or "high risk" in my very short time in the military, and nothing terrifies me more then riding on military trans.
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Dec 26, 2012 07:08
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Hekk posted:I had a SSgt in one of my units that turned out to be narcoleptic. Dude would pass the gently caress out anytime he was sitting down not doing anything. I do this but I think it's called "officework is loving boring as poo poo"
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Dec 26, 2012 07:34
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Saw a couple posts about neglect and dangerous behavior and thought I'd add a couple stories of my own. We had two crews that worked at the air traffic control facility, gold crew (mine) and blue crew. For some reason it seemed like blue crew inherited all the morons, and despite a string of incidents and a crew shake-up that basically turned into a sort of NFL draft of air traffic controllers to try and spread out the more skilled guys, things remained along the same lines. A couple blue crew highlights: The blue crews newest qualified controller had a plane contact him asking to land on runway 45. I dont really remember what number runway the pilot asked for because it wasn't one of our runways, and apparently Vivi (name changed) was too busy reading magazines and watching the hidden tv in the tower to realize the pilot's mistake. The mix-up of a pilot contacting the wrong tower frequency might have been caught had Vivi followed atleast one rule specific to Navy air traffic controllers, repeating the runway number to the pilot before issuing landing clearance. Vivi goes back to watching tv and reading his magazines and after about 10 minutes when there was no sight of a plane landing on the runway it dawned on him something might have gone wrong. Maybe it was because the other airport's Chief calling asking why we gave landing clearance to a plane to a runway he didnt own? So they launch an investigation into the incident and management learns about the magazines and the TV that they had always known was there but 'forgot'. What they couldn't figure out is why the tower supervisor didn't catch the error either. Maybe it was because he had broken the 12 hour sobriety rule and was passed out under the table. Of course nobody reported that part. Mikey (name changed) was from the fake-it-til-you-make-it school of air traffic control. One day he was working ground control which is the guy in charge of the taxiways where the local controller was in charge of the runways. There are only two ways a helo can be airborne while on the taxiways and both require getting permission from the local controller because theres a potential for interference with runway operations. Mikey was in a pickle because he just pointed two helos at each other on the taxiway going opposite directions, something he'd been mocked for before since its such a rookie mistake. Mikey had a brilliant idea to get out of the situation though, he granted takeoff clearance to one of the helos and sidestepped it to the active runway... without asking for permission from local. Luckily there wasn't a plane landing at the time, but the supervisor and local controller were not happy about it. When they asked him why he thought it'd be okay to 1) give take off clearance and 2) land an aircraft on a surface he did not control he said 'I've seen other people do it before'. Blue crew's supervisor was sober though and just swept the whole thing under the rug. One from deployment: We had a guy we called LyinLopez. This guy was the kind of controller who was scared of controlling, but rather than admitting he shouldn't be controlling he did what many controllers do... he hid behind others. He was up for orders and thought he was getting a slot at the school house and nearly poo poo himself when he found out he was being sent to one of the busiest facilities instead. I've never seen anyone so upset and afraid 8 months before transferring. Anyways he was on position with a trainee during work-ups and trying to act cool since this was his first time as the LPO and would be our only e-6 on the deployment. Ships have traffic patterns just like runways do where planes can do donuts until they are ready to land, but aboard ship these patterns are controlled by different agencies on the boat and the one I'm talking about falls under the Air Boss and mini-boss. LL had a couple more planes than he was comfortable with (more than 2) and decided he'd tuck one of them away in the pattern. Um, ok passing the buck is fine whatever. So he instructs this plane to enter the pattern but instead of coordinating with anyone he just sends him in... into the holding pattern of another ship. Luckily the other ship wasn't flying anything at the time, but its still a huge violation. Even luckier is that nobody has seen what hes done and the pilot wisely decides to break off and do his own thing instead. LL spends the rest of his shift threatening his trainee never to tell anyone, which he didn't do cause he told me and couple other guys. From then on we watched LL like a hawk. This same guy got lit up by our XO for letting 2 harriers break territorial airspace and do donuts over a sub from a country thats name rhymes with My-ran. Same guy authorizes an aircraft we didn't own (not part of our group) to ride the border of territorial airspace of a country thats name sounds like Nemen. Basically if the helo had violated the airspace it would have been the pilots fault, but wanting to be mr cool controller he stuck his neck out and made it so if there was a violation it would be our/the ship's fault. Blackchamber fucked around with this message at 14:46 on Dec 26, 2012 |
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Dec 26, 2012 14:41
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Seaman Smith was horrible. He smelled horrible, he was ugly, and he did dumb poo poo. He was totally going to be a SEAL, for real guys, but he broke his leg. Seriously guys! Anyway, Smith had clearance issues. He had his TS but for some reason couldn't get the SCI portion. He could be in our division spaces so long as he had an escort but we could kick him out if conversation started heading somewhere he wasn't supposed to hear. After a while we noticed him showing up unannounced in our spaces that are secured by a door keycode. He had been shoulder surfing the people escorting him and he was really proud of the fact. He got masted over that and told not to do it again. He did it again. So they unrated him and were going to send him to a ship undesignated. While he was on holding waiting to be transferred he got an underage girl drunk. While she was on roving watch in the barracks. With the intention os sleeping with her. And she was married. He admitted ALL of this at his next captain's mast in the hopes that honesty would help him out. Turns out it does not. Other things Smith did in no particular order: Bought a literal broken down non-working car for 1000 dollars because he could totally fix it guys. Spent 600 dollars at one of those kiosks in the mall with the hot chicks selling lotion hoping she would think he was a baller and sleep with him. Told us a story about the time he ran away from home and lived in the woods. He set traps for the people searching for him and ended up breaking into a police station. That's not Rambo, guys, I swear! He smelled REALLY bad. Like, no shower, no clean clothes, roll around in poo poo for a few days bad.
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Dec 26, 2012 15:40
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My (worthless) chief forgot to fill out his clearance renewal paperwork so he lost his clearance. He spent 6 months completely unable to perform any facet of his job since going into the plant requires, gasp, a clearance. He spent every waking moment in the divisional office.. but if he was in there, we couldn't talk about anything work related or use any of the tech manuals. To make it better, he spent all of his time surfing the internet for cycling videos. After a few months, people finally just started telling him that they had to do work that he wasn't cleared for and to  He bitched up a storm anytime someone did it but knew that we were right.
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Dec 26, 2012 16:29
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I've posted this story here before but I figure it's funny enough to deserve a second go. A few years ago a friend of mine who is a co-owner of a franchise for a tax preparation agency near Ft. Huachuca asked me to help him load some equipment in to the trailer that AAFEs was allowing him to set up in front of the PX as an office for tax season. We get his pick up and U-Haul trailer loaded with some PCs, printers and a desk and take it in. The East gate shares a road with the AZ state bypass for 2 highways to link up, speed limit is a very reasonable 55 mph, it's a 5 lane road that had just been resurfaced on the far lanes only, nothing huge, just a noticeable difference in surfaces due to the somewhat loose gravel. As we're driving on the bypass to get in through the gate, we get behind some rear end in a top hat in a red Jeep Cherokee doing about 35mph while we're still atleast 3/4ths of a mile out from the gate itself. My buddy literally says "gently caress this rear end in a top hat" and just slams on the gas and drives around this moron going 20 under the limit and pops back in front of him by about a single car length, throwing the looser gravel up behind us as an incidental. This guy starts laying on his horn, waving out of his window, looks like he's trying to tailgate a bit, whatever, at least his sorry rear end is up to the speed limit now. We finally get past he last light and on to the bit of road right in front of the guardhouse by the gate and the guy pulls in to the shoulder, passes us, stops in front of us at the gate and demands the MPs arrest my buddy for "Endangerment." Turns out the guy is a loving general driving in to work. The MPs try to tell him that they can't do poo poo to us for anything that happened outside of their jurisdiction (ie the post) but he's just screaming and getting super mad the whole time. Also demands they deny us entry. He marches, I mean like loving goose-stepping marches up to my buddy and starts saying he's gonna gently caress his career etc, before my friend tells him he's a civilian who doesn't even work for a contractor. He's hearing none of it, still very mad. Then I look at this rear end in a top hat's name tape and a smile breaks out across my face that must have looked like that smile the Grinch got before he robbed those hippy goddam Who's blind. His name is Custer. He is in fact, General Custer. I'm a civilian now, not a Marine, not IRR, not even beholden to a government contractor. So I look this guy square in the goddamed eye and say these words that still feel me with a certain warmth when I remember them. "You'd think the Army would have learned their lesson about promoting dude's named Custer after the last guy" He lets out a primal yowl as he proceeds to try and drill a hole through me with telekinesis or some poo poo as he lunges toward me like a DI. He is then physically restrained by this poor bastard E-4 MP as they try to get him in the office to calm him down. The other MP just looking at me like he wants to either high five me or slap me. Once they got my man Custer away from us the MP says "You guys can drive through." then looks at me, smiles and says "Thanks"
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Dec 26, 2012 17:40
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Heh, he was the commander of the USAICOE (Army Intelligence Center) a few years ago. I remember seeing his picture at Fort Huachuca.
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Dec 26, 2012 17:50
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We had a Med Corps O-5 at Ft. Rucker a couple years back who earned a reputation for stopping people at the gate who didn't turn their lights off before approaching. He would get out of his car with a big Maglite and shine it right into people's faces because he thought he had some authority over gate traffic. The best part is that the gate he was caught doing this at didn't even have a sign saying cars had to turn their lights off.
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Dec 26, 2012 18:55
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What about cars with daytime running lights that you can't turn off? 
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Dec 26, 2012 19:16
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I had that happen to me in guam. Ended up having to tell some MAC "unless you want me to turn my car off and roll to a stop in front of the gate, and risk running over your guys because I have no control over my car, the lights are gonna be on." They let me on, but I got a firm  about how I needed to show respect when talking to chiefs.
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Dec 26, 2012 19:54
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I've read the forums over at officer.com for a while, it's a police forum just by the by, but alot of guys over the years have had stories about officers, like especially O-5+ doing stupid stupid poo poo re: traffic and gates. I read one story about a colonel who for some reason had red and blue lights on his .gov ride, but he wasn't even like the provost marshal or anything, I think he was just the base commander or whatever the AF calls them. Apparently that dipshit would pull people over and yell at them and then drive away. What the gently caress is with that poo poo?
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Dec 26, 2012 20:12
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... isn't that a federal crime, impersonating a lawman or whatever? That also sounds like unlawful imprisonment, or, rather, something very close to.
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Dec 26, 2012 20:19
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honestly i have no idea since it's on post or whatever and let's be honest the UCMJ is far from U, especially when you're an o-6. why the gently caress does the military attract such petty loving people
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Dec 26, 2012 20:28
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TheUnhorse posted:I've read the forums over at officer.com for a while, it's a police forum just by the by, but alot of guys over the years have had stories about officers, like especially O-5+ doing stupid stupid poo poo re: traffic and gates. I read one story about a colonel who for some reason had red and blue lights on his .gov ride, but he wasn't even like the provost marshal or anything, I think he was just the base commander or whatever the AF calls them. Apparently that dipshit would pull people over and yell at them and then drive away. What the gently caress is with that poo poo? He actually can pull people over.
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Dec 26, 2012 21:19
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Godholio posted:He actually can pull people over. I want to see this in the regs. I've never actually heard of garrison commanders or whatever pulling people over except when they'd do ride-alongs with MP patrol cars because they were bored out of their mind and had nothing better to do than harass soldiers.
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Dec 26, 2012 21:43
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When I was at the 10th Mountain's mandatory 1SG and CDR's course and the DIV CDR came to talk to us, some dumbfuck - one a my peers of course - was all like "Hey sir, I have a great idea! Let's do a bring your wife to work day where they can wear uniforms and shoot guns and blah blah somebody please cut my dick off!" He also referred to his wife as "Household Six" which always makes me instantly hate whoever says it. MG Milley was like, "Not a bad idea, son, but that's a lot of work for the whole division to do at once and there are liability issues and whatnot. But we'll look into it!" The MAJ who was from the DIV G3 looked like he was gonna take a poo poo on the CPT's face. When Milley left the room the MAJ got in his face in front of everyone and said "Never, ever, ever loving suggest something like that to the division commander again. If he had bought into it, guess what? We'd have to plan it. And then it'd be mandatory for every single brigade and battalion. And then guess who would actually be planning it? You. I'll remember your name, don't worry. If you wanna do wife-day things, do it at your loving battalion."
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Dec 26, 2012 21:51
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Martello posted:When I was at the 10th Mountain's mandatory 1SG and CDR's course and the DIV CDR came to talk to us, some dumbfuck - one a my peers of course http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/marines/a/janewayne.htm
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Dec 26, 2012 21:59
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Haha yup. My BN does it but calls it G.I. Jane day. The S3 hates it but the BC has a huge boner for it because his predecessor did it and the wives like it. Since it's just a BN function and it's totally voluntary for the wives I don't think it's such a bad thing. Some old (56!) former DSG runs it and enjoys doing it.
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Dec 26, 2012 22:01
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Family shoot days are pretty fun, at least for the families. Never thought about the planning behind them. Also stuff like that seems to be good opportunity for showboating / loving around. My dad went to a 'take your boss to work' Army reserves thing where they let people fire the howitzers and stuff and he loved it. They were riding back in a humvee and the driver thought it'd be cool to ford a little stream instead of crossing the bridge a few yards away; it turned out the water was much deeper than expected and while they didn't get stuck all the civilians in the humvee got soaked.
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Dec 26, 2012 22:16
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Snowdens Secret posted:Family shoot days are pretty fun, at least for the families. Never thought about the planning behind them. Nobody ever thinks about the poor AS3s  quote:Also stuff like that seems to be good opportunity for showboating / loving around. My dad went to a 'take your boss to work' Army reserves thing where they let people fire the howitzers and stuff and he loved it. They were riding back in a humvee and the driver thought it'd be cool to ford a little stream instead of crossing the bridge a few yards away; it turned out the water was much deeper than expected and while they didn't get stuck all the civilians in the humvee got soaked. I thought you were in the Navy though?
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Dec 26, 2012 22:18
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They should make people at family day sit there in the company building at 0500 to draw weapons, then finally get to the range at noon, and fire one magazine before shutting it down. You'll have to plan that event one time and one time only.
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Dec 26, 2012 22:18
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Vasudus posted:then finally get to the range at noon I'm pretty sure that every single person in every single BN motor-t section in the entire US military are the biggest idiots.
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Dec 26, 2012 22:27
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Martello posted:I thought you were in the Navy though? I didn't take him, one of the guys who worked for him (and was in the Army reserves) took him for 'Bring your boss to work' day or something
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Dec 26, 2012 22:35
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Snowdens Secret posted:I didn't take him, one of the guys who worked for him (and was in the Army reserves) took him for 'Bring your boss to work' day or something Ah, okay. Didn't read that "bring your boss to work" part right. Vasudus posted:They should make people at family day sit there in the company building at 0500 to draw weapons, then finally get to the range at noon, and fire one magazine before shutting it down. I want to actually do this. Although I've always gotten plenty of trigger time every range I've gone to, but I know we 11B/As get much more leeway and time on ranges for the most part.
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Dec 26, 2012 22:39
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Don't forget, weapons cleaning UTC (no earlier than 1800)
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Dec 26, 2012 22:44
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I never once cleaned my M4 while I was in the Army because my arms room guys were idiots and never even knew who was assigned what. They always wound up cleaning my poo poo  edit: In garrison anyways. I spent a lot of time cleaning my poo poo in Iraq. vacation in kabul fucked around with this message at 22:56 on Dec 26, 2012 |
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Dec 26, 2012 22:45
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Veins McGee posted:I'm pretty sure that every single person in every single BN motor-t section in the entire US military are the biggest idiots. Every single loving range, every single god damned one I've ever went to was hosed up because some holier than thou idiot in the MP decided to gently caress something up. First of all no, I won't do pullups before I walk into your office, sign my loving dispatch. Second, I've told you a thousand times, we re-numbered A-11 to A-21. Notice every number is the same. No, gently caress you, I won't walk a half mile out there and verify it again just so you can go get a smoke-break in. I did that last week. And the week before. And third, bullshit, I'm not an idiot, your box isn't broken I can see it working.
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Dec 26, 2012 23:26
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Red87 posted:I want to see this in the regs. I've never actually heard of garrison commanders or whatever pulling people over except when they'd do ride-alongs with MP patrol cars because they were bored out of their mind and had nothing better to do than harass soldiers.
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Dec 26, 2012 23:40
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:First of all no, I won't do pullups before I walk into your office, sign my loving dispatch. I'm gonna demand everyone eat a donut before entering the S4 shop when I get back, height and weight is coming up
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Dec 26, 2012 23:53
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Range control in Iraq was rad because 1) We ran the range at our 400-something FOB. and 2) We didn't give a gently caress. SF had the range on reserve from 0600-0800, every day. Some days they would use grenades, some days flashbangs, some days captured soviet gear. Every once in awhile they would pull out the M134 which would garner quite the audience. After that though, it was free reign. You come in, you ask to reserve the range or walk on it. I ask what you're using, what you're shooting at, who is doing the shooting and how long you plan on taking. Want to lob dildos of doom at plywood cutouts you made yourself? loving pick up after yourself and I don't give a gently caress. Want to just empty a mag at 50 meter targets, which eventually became our SOP before patrol? gently caress it, whatever. Don't lose you poo poo and don't gently caress up my berm.
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Dec 27, 2012 00:10
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Vasudus posted:Range control in Iraq was rad because 1) We ran the range at our 400-something FOB. and 2) We didn't give a gently caress. When I got to hang out with some third group guys they showed me a video of them just laying into some random mountain with captured mortars. Ranges are their own special place of idiocy because people can kill you on them. I had a LTC in the PA guard nearly blow my face off once, I watched a guy on a grenade range trip walking up to the safety holding his grenades, I had someone shoot half my targets on a qual range all three tables (I told him after each time what he was doing), and the best is I saw someone ND into their foot AND the safety's leg.
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Dec 27, 2012 00:18
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:18 |
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I'm pretty bummed that I have to qualify at Camp Roberts next month because we couldn't even get a turn to shoot in October at Irwin because of the studmuffin support crew known as Fox. gently caress you guys.
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Dec 27, 2012 00:18
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