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Hello! I am an Icelandic person. pictured: an Icelandic person I wear horned helmets to work, I live in a longhouse made from a longship cut by a longaxe, and I loving hate the Yule Lads. But what the gently caress is a Yule Lad?  These fuckers are Yule Lads. They are an Icelandic folkloric tradition which has morphed into sort of our version of Santa Claus. They are trolls or giants who live in the mountains and only come to town once a year to have a bit of fun with the scared mortals. The most widely accepted version has them numbered at thirteen, all of them Children of the giantess child-cooking Grýla, the Troll-faced Leppalúði and accompanied by the Yule Cat, which eats children who don't receive new clothes in time for christmas.  Because gently caress you, that's why. These thirteen jolly fuckers will be coming to civilization on each night from the twelfth of december through the twenty-fourth, each one spreading their own flavor of mayhem and food theft as they go. In the twentieth century we say they leave gifts for children who leave their shoes in the window, but we know that's bullshit. They never gave gifts until the eighties. Gift giving was not even a thing. On the eve of the twelfth, which for me is later today, the first of them will come. And this time, this year, I am finally ready. I will take no poo poo from these fuckers. I will log each one here as they come for your edification or amusement. For now, we must contend with looking at the source of these fetid emanations. Grýla and Leppalúði Leppalúði doesn't really do much. He's just sort of there, and he is by all accounts Grýla's third and longest lasting husband, probably because he doesn't do a whole lot to anger her. By far the more famous of the pair is Grýla, mother of the Yule Lads.  The face and cloven hooves of the enemy Grýla has a hobby. That hobby is eating children. With her nose she can sniff out children who have disrespected the festival of the birth of the White Christ by being naughty and stuffs them in her sack, but she'll take any child she happens upon just because she can so don't go out after dark in Iceland during winter. (which incidentally is after 4 o'clock. We get about 4-5 hours of sunlight in December.) She brings them to her Grýla-pots, cooks them and then eats them. She then feeds the innards to the Yule Cat, because that's the kind of folkloric detail we just love to terrify the kids with. In fact, the terror of Grýla was so widespread that there was a public decree in 1746 prohibiting the use of the tale of Grýla to frighten children - the oldest child protective services law in the Icelandic books. She and her brood live in Dimmuborgir, and now you know where the band got their name. The name means "The Dark Fortresses".  The abode of the enemy They live in the stone, as all Icelandic folklore creatures seem to do, so there is no chance of pre-emptive assault. We can only weather them as they come. Incidentally, Grýla is immortal: she has died many, many times, but she will always come back next winter. Guns will not avail you forever, because she will remember you during the next winter and come at you, screaming in fury and marking the lava-fields with the passage of her hooves. Defense Against Grýla -Do not stray far in the dark in December -Don't be naughty over Christmas time -Wear some new clothes -Keep a sharp object close at hand to cut yourself out of her sack if necessary -Run -Don't Blink -Just run Next: Sheep-Cote Clod
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:42 |
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| # ? Jun 18, 2013 05:32 |
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What the gently caress is Iceland smoking?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:46 |
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Be safe OP. Please keep us updated on these horrible festive beasts.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:52 |
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Insensative_Asshole posted:What the gently caress is Iceland smoking? The true secret of "Green"land.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:52 |
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This seems to be an overly elaborate way to trick children into liking getting clothes for Christmas. Or do they have to get clothes before Christmas?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:54 |
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So it's the Iceland version of the Krampus concept?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 03:57 |
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Which one of the trolls is Bjork?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:00 |
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White Christ should take some time with a psychologist, find out why a child's disrespect drives him to send a hag to eat them. I'll do my best to help you kill these fuckers from Canada.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:01 |
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I don't want to be all  but that law seems awfully convenient for Grýla. Children would forget their crippling fear of her and go around all unwary and then BAM! Stew.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:04 |
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etalian posted:So it's the Iceland version of the Krampus concept? KRAMPUS FOR THE REST OF US!
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:07 |
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I got engaged in Dimmuborgir - right inside that little stone circle, in the picture (husband is an archaeologist in Iceland), so we ran up to the gift shop and bought tons of Yule Lad ornaments. It's our first married Christmas, and the Yule Lads have taken over.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:11 |
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That poo poo is metal as hell. Not even the part about Dimmu Borgir , just the whole crazy mess. Keep posting.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:12 |
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I have a slight obsession with Iceland, but gently caress this yule lads thing. At least santa is jolly.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:12 |
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If I knew a pack of midgets and a rabid cat were roaming the streets at night, the last place my shoes would be is in the window.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:13 |
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SatanX posted:If I knew a pack of midgets and a rabid cat were roaming the streets at night, the last place my shoes would be is in the window. I thought they were giants. Are they giant midgets?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:26 |
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Skyr-Gobbler is the biggest rear end in a top hat lad. He eats all the skyr. That dude sucks.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:30 |
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velcro and proud posted:Skyr-Gobbler is the biggest rear end in a top hat lad. Holy poo poo, what an rear end in a top hat. But to be honest here, if I was a powerful mischief giant I'd go straight for the skyr too.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:40 |
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I for one am just relieved that Hakarl-Pooper didn't make the list for Yule Lads. If there's one thing smellier than a pile of rotting shark meat dipped in lye, it's the poop that comes from eating it.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 04:58 |
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Holy gently caress, Iceland is awesome!
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 05:12 |
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I now know seven things about Iceland:
Zohn fucked around with this message at Dec 12, 2012 around 20:58 |
| # ? Dec 12, 2012 06:07 |
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Zohn should have posted:I now know everything about Iceland: I have always enjoyed Björk, but I now understand Björk. She could be nothing else.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 06:28 |
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Thanks OP, for teaching us the wonders & delights of Christmas. Waiting for the next instalment. A recent episode of The Office showed us the German traditions of Belschnickel and Saint Nick's helper, Black Peter. 
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 06:40 |
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"Santa Claus" *cough* Odin *cough* shall ride the eight legged horse Sleipnir to Iceland and protect you IF you hang enough sacrificial victims for him.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 06:48 |
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nimh posted:Thanks OP, for teaching us the wonders & delights of Christmas. Waiting for the next instalment. See, he's actually a white guy who has been cleaning a chimney. His skin is black and his lips are swollen because of the soot.* * this is actually what I got told by a Dutch guy. Does Icelandic Christmas involve hitting people with sticks? I forget which Scandinavian country has the Christmas tradition of beating random strangers with sticks.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 07:47 |
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Norse mythology is loving mental, and I see more recent traditions are no less insane. 
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 11:53 |
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etalian posted:So it's the Iceland version of the Krampus concept? Krampus owns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLnl5ZWG4tg
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 12:27 |
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:See, he's actually a white guy who has been cleaning a chimney. His skin is black and his lips are swollen because of the soot.* Amazingly enough, there is a morsel of truth to this. In Norse mythology, Odin's ravens would whisper secrets to him through the chimney. Also I'm pretty sure Odin didn't do human sacrifice. He was more of a start-wars-and-die kind of guy.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 12:35 |
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Broken Knees Club posted:Also I'm pretty sure Odin didn't do human sacrifice. He was more of a start-wars-and-die kind of guy. Oh no, human sacrifice to Odin was very much a thing. (And one of the central bits of the mythology even involves Odin sacrificing himself to... himself.)
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 12:46 |
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Hey Rulebook, ef þig vantar efni um þetta þá eru líka stuttir pistlar um þetta í Grapevine, væri alveg hægt að henda því á pakkið hérna.SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Nah man, Zwartepiet isn't racist. Tweek posted:I thought they were giants.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 13:50 |
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Zohn posted:I now know seven things about Iceland: 
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 14:38 |
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 EVERYBODY LIST YOUR FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT ICELAND
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 14:54 |
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SurreptitiousMuffin posted:Does Icelandic Christmas involve hitting people with sticks? I forget which Scandinavian country has the Christmas tradition of beating random strangers with sticks. I dunno about Iceland, or random strangers, but Catalonia has a log that children beat with sticks on Christmas that shits out candy.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 15:01 |
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ComradeCosmobot posted:I dunno about Iceland, or random strangers, but Catalonia has a log that children beat with sticks on Christmas that shits out candy. What I love about the caga tió is that the mythology isn't based in some innocent idea of the candy simply falling from or being manifested via the log- the log specifically shits candy. And sometimes it has to be tortured with fire or otherwise coerced into doing so. Also- over the course of the 20th Century, they began incorporating Christmas pop culture tropes from other parts of the world, so now the log usually has stubby legs, a Santa-esque hat, a red Rudolph nose, and a big fuckoff grin that just add to the insanity behind literally beating the poo poo out of a magical sentient log. Wikipedia posted:In addition to the names listed in the opening paragraph, the additional nickname Caga tió...derives from the many songs of Tió de Nadal that begin with this phrase, which was originally (in the context of the songs) an imperative ("poo poo log!"). The use of this expression as a name is not believed to be part of the ancient tradition. 
Electric Bugaloo fucked around with this message at Dec 12, 2012 around 15:19 |
| # ? Dec 12, 2012 15:14 |
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Why is my planet full of crazy people? Why is Christmas creepier than Halloween?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 15:53 |
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This reminds me of David Sedaris' story on forgein Christmas traditions, specifically how the Dutch believed Saint Nick was from Spain and had 6 to 8 black slaves (no one ever told of the specifric number) who later were referred to as just 'helpers'.quote:In the years before central heating, Dutch children would leave their shoes by the fireplace, the promise being that unless they planned to beat you, kick you, or stuff you into a sack, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men would fill your clogs with presents. The full story is online, if you haven't read it yourself.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 16:55 |
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Why do Scandanavians get crazy poo poo like crazy trolls eating children and all Amercans get is some fat bastard selling Coke and breaking & entering?
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 17:26 |
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Insensative_Asshole posted:What the gently caress is Iceland smoking? Our money.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 17:30 |
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All I know is this poo poo is cooler then Hanukkah. All I got this year was some chocolate gelt and $20. That's for all 8 nights! We don't get some sort of crazy mixture of trolls and giants and rabid cats that'll eat kids if they loving forget to do something with their shoes! gently caress you Hanukkah!
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 17:33 |
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It is past five o'clock in Iceland, and therefore well dark at this time of year. The time has come. The first one arrives. Sheep-Cote Clod  He comes You might be forgiven for thinking that this fellow merely harasses sheep. You might be tempted to think he's the stereotypical sheep-buggerer, even. But no, not such simple measures for the Lad known as Sheep-Cote Clod. He arrives, the first of his brothers, and his most notable feature - aside from sheep related depravity - is his legs. Note that they do not bend. His joints are so stiff that he cannot truly run, and must hobble along as if on stilts. This will make his particular activity especially unpleasant for the sheep. You see, he sucks their teats dry.  Sheep milk was a valuable commodity a hundred years ago to supplement what little cow milk there was to be had, and this was the Arsene Lupin of sheep lactation crime. He would chase them during the night, causing them considerable distress, and then with a laboriousness we can only imagine proceed with his dark feast. Many cultures have a goat-sucking monster equivalent somewhere in their culture, but nowhere but in Iceland is it Santa Claus who does things to sheep rare even in internet porn. Defense Against Sheep-Cote Clod: -Guard the sheep throughout the night -Milk them dry first and then don't give a poo poo -Knee-high obstacles which he will be comically unable to jump or step over -Don't own sheep (they are fuckers anyway) Next: Gully Gawk
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 17:40 |
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| # ? Jun 18, 2013 05:32 |
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A lockjointed, juggalo looking motherfucker who sucks the milk out of sheep tits. Give me a year and a pound of weed and I'd maybe get halfway to that crazy town.
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| # ? Dec 12, 2012 17:51 |
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