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Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


I have a story to tell, and drat it, I will tell it. This is the tale of my psychotic in laws. Like all good stories of craziness, it starts out mediocre and escalates over time. I’m going to tell thing chronologically, and things did start out slow. Bear with me and we’ll get to the underage panty sniffing, screwing over parapalegic children, the attempted arson, the hired rapists, and the wedding sabotage in no time.

I should say that as of present date these are now people I have no contact with. I’m not looking for advice, per se. I am looking to vent, and to get this off my chest. Because of the nature of some of what happened, I’m not really at liberty to talk to people in my “real” life. People either wouldn’t understand, or would retaliate and make things worse. So I’m stuck with all of this stuff that happened and no way to really work out my feelings. By the way, this is an account I registered just for this. Please don’t internet detective me. I will be telling one or two things that could be traced back to my identity, and I beg you not to make it worse by trying to track me or any of the other people in this down.

I started dating a great guy named Chad just shy of four years ago. We’re scheduled to get married in May, and everything would be great if he didn’t have two relatives who are the worst people who have ever existed. Let me start by introducing you to my fiance’s cousin/brother, Josh.
I met Josh two times once Chad and I were dating seriously. We took him with us to the movies, nothing that I interacted with him too much. He struck me as internet nerdy, a little whiney, overweight with a mild hygiene problem, WoW addiction and a bit misogynistic. Nothing extraordinary you don’t see at any Gamestop on any given day.

Then one day Chad’s mother called him to she tell him she hated me. HATED me. I had never seen her or even spoken to her, so Chad was taken aback. The only reason she hated me so much was evidently Josh had told her that I disliked him and was rude to him. Chad hung up the phone and called his cousin.
“Why did you tell mom Hairnet Soup hates you?”
“She does. She never invites me to ANYTHING. Did you see on her facebook? She had a party and I wasn’t invited.”

The party in question was a girls’ night out to celebrate my recovery. And when planning a get together for my female friends, I certainly have to admit that my boyfriend’s nerdy cousin wasn’t top of my list for invites. Chad tried to explain this but gave up. It was a situation of Geek Social Fallacy in spades. I had been with friends. He was not there, ergo I didn’t like him.

So, next time we together I make a point of telling him that the next time I have a get together he will be invited. We were at Chad’s house, waiting on pizza and I had just set my laptop aside. Josh leaned over and asked if he could check his email quick. I let him on the laptop and thought nothing of it.
The pizza arrived, and we started eating when out of nowhere Josh asks “What’s a potluck?”
Not thinking, I explained the concept and continued eating, when something in the back of my brain puts two and two together. “Why did you ask what a potluck is, Josh?”
“Party on Saturday is a potluck.”

gently caress. He had apparently decided to peruse my facebook. I am a member of a professional performing arts group that is only active three months out of the year. Most members travel to different jobs and roll into town for the session. During that three months, we’re sleeping in each other’s living rooms and swapping clothes and working together at least 12 hours a day six days a week. It’s this intensive thing where people become friends and enemies and lovers and back again. And then suddenly you don’t see each other for 9 months. If someone misses a season, it’s even longer.

The “party” in question was our reunion picnic and business meeting. Basically for one day we rent out a park and have a big BBQ and catch up, then pause halfway through to vote on business decisions, plan out schedules and hash out the upcoming season, then we go back to our reunion. As I was one of the few locals, I had volunteered to be the organizer of the whole thing, contacting everyone online, renting out the place, collecting the money for the BBQ stuff and the rental that sort of thing.

I explain this to Josh, figuring he’ll realize it’s not anything he should be invited to, but I’m slowly realizing that he’s not getting it.
“So we’re all in this sort of club together.”
“Right”
“It’s like a family reunion and an office party combined.”
“Okay.”
“And everyone there will be in the club. Everyone.”
“Yup”
“Chad’s not even coming. Because he’s not in the group.”
“Uh huh.” He’s bobbing his head, oblivious. “I’ve never been to a party like that before.”

I give up. I am still trying to be polite, it’s early in the relationship. So I talk to Chad. Chad is more angry that Josh helped himself to my personal information while on the computer, and he and Josh have a little fight over the whole thing, during which Chad makes it clear Josh wasn’t invited to the BBQ and that he had no right to snoop around my computer.

Hop forward to the day of the event. I am greeting old friends, gathering money, handling the grill. And suddenly I look up and see Josh. He is sitting off at a picnic table, glaring at people going by. There was some talk about this among my friends, and general consensus was to let it go. After all, we were a happy family, we could support one more.

Now, not surprisingly, Josh didn’t bring money for the event, or anything for the potluck. But when we called that the food was open, he hauled himself up and hustled down the table. He walked the length of the table, then huffed and glared at me. Then he looped back, got to the end of the table and “Harummph”ed. Finally, he called out to me “Hairnet Soup! There’s NOTHING here I can eat.”

The meats were grilled chicken, hamburger patties, hotdogs, black bean patties, and grilled vegetable kabobs. The potluck had everything from pasta dishes to tasty vegan pieces to trays of fruits and veggies. I had no idea what he was talking about and asked for clarification.
“I know why I am so fat.” He said “It’s because I have too much sugar.”

One of the actors is a major fitness freak and low carb advocate and jumped at this, suggesting dishes from the table.
Josh was offended “Not low carb! That’s a fad. The problem is SUGAR. Just SUGAR.”

There was some polite questioning, trying to help him find something to eat. He was really insulted by this. He wasn’t restricting calories, he was upset when we mentioned carbohydrates. Furthermore, this diet of his own making he had apparently started just that morning.

Finally, he huffed off. He drove by a minute later, cruising by the pavilion. The entrance was on the other side, he had looped back around to do this.

He showed up a half hour later with a bag from McDonalds, and pulled out two burgers and a bag of fries. He took a bite, then looped back to the condiment table.
“Hairnet Soup! Hairnet Soup! There’s NO mustard!” One of the actors standing nearby quickly handed him a bottle.

Josh stood, seething in anger for a moment afterwards before exploding. “Honey mustard? HONEY mustard! What part of no sugar don’t you understand! HONEY mustard!” He slammed the bottle on the table and ate his mustardless sandwiches in relative, angry, silence.


As the meal wound down, the president of the society called to order the business meeting, banging a pot with a ladle to get everyone’s attention. We all quieted down and turned as he started the meeting up.

Suddenly Josh was at my elbow. “What’s going on?” I explained it was the business meeting.

Josh pursed his lips for a moment, then loudly talked over the president “What do you have for us to do if we don’t want to be part of the business meeting?”

There was silence, the president looked confused, then commented everyone there needed to be there for the meeting to be an active member.

Josh grunted, then thought for a moment before storming away. He didn’t show up for the rest of the meeting and I mistakenly thought he might have left.


After the meeting, a couple of the guys decided to play soccer out on the back field. I was chatting with friends, when one of them came back and let me know that Josh was hanging around by the field.

I followed him back. Sure enough Josh sat at the edge of the field, just staring at everyone like a creeper. He ended up staying there until after everyone went home at dark. His car was still there when I left around midnight, so I have no idea how long he lurked there.

The next day I saw I was tagged in a post by him on facebook. It’s since been deleted, but to paraphrase: “Was invited to a party. They wanted me to pay for the privilege of going and bring the food. When I didn’t, they wouldn’t let me eat. Everyone was doing crap I didn’t want to.” I ended up having to explain what really happened to Chad, who was terribly confused.

When the performance debuted, Chad came to opening night and, inexplicably, Josh insisted on coming along. Afterwards we had a little reception for friends and family. I’m chatting with Chad and another friend and I see that Josh is glaring over my shoulder.

“That’s him.” He growls. I follow his gaze. He’s staring at a friend of mine, CJ.
I rack my brains trying to think if he had any interaction with CJ. “What’s wrong with him?”
“He hogged all the women the day I went to that party. I would have scored some digits if he hadn’t have been there.”

CJ, I meant add, is the biggest gay bear I have ever met, physically and otherwise. There really is no question as to his orientation. Everyone had been paying him a lot of attention because he had missed a season and we hadn’t seen him in two years.

My friend started laughing loudly, then yelled across the room “Hey CJ, you stealing women?”

CJ came over and asked what was up and my friend told him what Josh had said, the whole time I’m
trying to shush him and change the conversation. Josh got all embarrassed and left, storming out. Problem was he rode with Chad, so he ended up sitting in the rain by the car for an hour until we left.

Rest of the season everyone ran around yelling “HONEY mustard.” And CJ wouldn’t enter a room without bellowing out “Watch out! I’m here to steal your WOmens!”


Now, things got progressively worse the longer I knew Josh, but this being the first interaction I had one on one was a pretty good introduction to the craziness. Knowing what I do now, I wouldn’t have been so scared about alienating their bitch of a mother, but I’ll get to that eventually.

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spite house
Apr 28, 2009



Do NOT stop. Ever.

Safe and Secure!
Jun 14, 2008

OFFICIAL SA THREAD RUINER
SPRING 2013


You should buy Josh an invite to the forums so we can hear his side of this.

DUNCAN DONUTS
Mar 27, 2010

</3 I'M ONLY GONNA BREAK BREAK YOUR BREAK BREAK YOUR HEART </3

Safe and Secure! posted:

You should buy Josh an invite to the forums so we can hear his side of this.

He probably already posts here.

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Backstory!
Some backstory is probably necessary. My fiance’s aunt passed away tragetically and fairly young, and his father had never been in the picture. My fiance’s mother jumped in and took custody of the boy, so even though Josh is my fiance’s cousin, they were raised as brothers for most of their life. Everyone sort of uses cousin and brother exchangably, and depending on how angry they are at Josh at the moment.

For all accounts, Chad’s mother despised her own children, for reasons I’ll get to later, but loved Josh. My mother in law is by all accounts a horrid woman, and I have plenty of stories to attest to it from both Carrie and Chad. She was physically and psychologically abusive, to say the least.

Chad was kicked out of the house at 16 but got his life together on his own. By the time I met him he had earned his GED, put himself through college and was still taking business classes with a successful job, plenty of friends, and was going places. Chad had decided to reconcile with his family mostly because of his sister, Carrie. (Chad had actually adopted Carrie when she was a kid.) Their mother had moved across country, so he rarely sees her, but Josh lived less than an hour away.

I’ll fill in more backstory later. The family dynamic is insane.

natetimm
May 24, 2007
MAYBE WITH THIS SYCOPHANTIC POST,
THE JOB CREATORS WILL FINALLY LOVE ME AND TREAT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

Look, Daddy I'm even racist like you!


Another entitled manbaby enabled by idiot relatives decides to flex his wings and fly. OP, I'm sorry you have to suffer for E/N's enjoyment. Just have your husband punch his lights out.

Slightly Toasted
Feb 9, 2009



Oh my god I will read any and every story you have.

Safe and Secure! posted:

You should buy Josh an invite to the forums so we can hear his side of this.

I can't imagine a world where someone like Josh isn't already a goon. From the sounds of it though just the thread being in her browser history would be enough for him to pick up on it.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Slightly Toasted posted:

Oh my god I will read any and every story you have.


I can't imagine a world where someone like Josh isn't already a goon. From the sounds of it though just the thread being in her browser history would be enough for him to pick up on it.

Goon? More likely he's on Reddit.

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


DUNCAN DONUTS posted:

He probably already posts here.

Ironically no. It came up once, during the Reddit bomb thing. He hates SA and refuses to come here. Made it the perfect place to vent.

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.

DUNCAN DONUTS
Mar 27, 2010

</3 I'M ONLY GONNA BREAK BREAK YOUR BREAK BREAK YOUR HEART </3

Hairpin Soup posted:

Ironically no. It came up once, during the Reddit bomb thing. He hates SA and refuses to come here. Made it the perfect place to vent.

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.

Uhhhh wow... that's terrible.

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


Hairpin Soup posted:

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.


What. The. gently caress.

You'd better be here all night writing for us. Thank you for this most glorious Christmas present, and I'm sorry you had to share the same oxygen as this shitheel.

Horrible Smutbeast
Sep 2, 2011


Hairpin Soup posted:

Ironically no. It came up once, during the Reddit bomb thing. He hates SA and refuses to come here. Made it the perfect place to vent.

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.

Yeeeeeeah. You're going to need to keep posting stories about this.

Excelsiortothemax
Sep 9, 2006


Hairpin Soup posted:

Ironically no. It came up once, during the Reddit bomb thing. He hates SA and refuses to come here. Made it the perfect place to vent.

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.

How did I know he would be on that site? Also never stop posting. True or fake I have to hear the end of this tale.

Morby
Sep 6, 2007

Double Trouble

Hairpin Soup posted:

Ironcially that was a week or two before he tried to have me raped, so he deserves Reddit.

Come again?

Vanilla Bison
Mar 27, 2010


I kept instinctively looking away from the screen while reading about Josh, in some kind of empathic embarrassment. Like that scene in Taxi Driver where the camera pans away because it can't bear to watch how terrible this guy is anymore.

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Josh doesn’t go dutch
After the party debacle, I didn’t see Josh for a bit. I honestly don’t remember along the way where I learned his financial situation, but I knew about it by the time the next story happened.

It seems that when Josh’s mom was killed, there was a massive lawsuit that was settled out of court in Josh’s favor. Chad’s mother actually invested it really well, and Josh came into possession of it when he turned 21. I’ve never heard numbers, but it is substantial enough that Josh bought a very nice townhome/condo on the better side of town, and the dividends of the settlement paid his mortgage, the payments on his car, his utilities, and left him with some money in his pocket every month. One of the few things I don’t have against their mom and Josh is that money management, it was done really smart. Basically, if he wanted to he could do nothing but sit around for the rest of his life comfortably, but he he spent a ton eating out and buying figurines and stuff. So, he supplemented this with a 10 hour a week job stocking shelves. None of that is bad and if Josh wasn’t such an rear end, it would all be great.


The night in question was Chad’s sister, Carrie’s, birthday party. She was having a little get together at an Italian place, and Chad, Josh and I were invited.

Now the restaurant is average, a local place I’d say is a little nicer than say, Olive Garden, but certainly no Ritz. Chad was wearing dress slacks, a button up top and tie. I wore a nice dress and heels. We picked up Josh. He was wearing jorts, socks, sandals, and “witty” tshirt. When he got in the car, he made a snide comment about how Carrie wasn’t worth the effort we had gone through getting dressed up.

Josh insisted on always riding shotgun, and I was in the back seat. Chad apologized that he had to make a quick stop. He had just switched banks and direct deposit hadn’t kicked in. He wanted to deposit his paycheck at the ATM before it got forgotten. He drove up to the ATM, filled out the deposit envelope and tore off his paycheck stub and stuck it in an envelope in the glove box. The second he leaned out the window to key up the ATM, Josh pulls open the glove box, pulls out the slip from the envelope and starts to read it.

“Holy poo poo you make a lot of money!” he said.
Chad pulled back into the car, took the slip out of his hand and calmly gave him a look. “No, I don’t.”
“gently caress that. My paycheck is only a fraction of that. I didn’t know you were rich.”
“Josh. You pay for nothing. I have to pay for my mortgage, I have to pay for my car. I’m paying off student loans and paying to go to school now. I have medical bills, and the money I’m saving up for the business. And almost nothing’s left over, okay? It’s not all spending money like you.”

Josh crossed his arms and sank back into his seat grumbling something. We didn’t talk until we got to the restaurant.

There were a dozen people there, and we ended up sitting at the far end of a long table by Carrie, while Josh sat on the opposite side. It was all in all a good night. I met Chad’s cousins from his uncle, all nice awesome people. I don’t think I so much looked at Josh all night.

Things were wrapping up, and the waiter approached Chad with one of the biggest smiles on his face.
“Here are your checks.”
“Checks? More than one?”
“Well, yes.” The waiter looked worried. “Gentleman at the end of the table said you were handling your check, the birthday girl’s check, and his.”

Josh was long gone from the table at this point, and Carrie overhead and thanked Chad before turning to her other guests.
Chad opened the folder. Carrie’s check was first, it was $30 and Chad murmured that was fair, no one should have to pay on their birthday. Our check was next. We had splurged a little with an appetizer, and each had a glass of wine with dinner, and split a dessert. It was a $80 bill, which we had expected.
Then Chad flipped to Josh’s bill, he paused and turned to the waiter, who was still standing by, sensing something was wrong.
“This is for the guy at the end?”
“Yes.”
“And ONLY the guy at the end?”
“Yes sir.”

Josh had ordered two appetizers. He got two of the most expensive entrées and added sides and add ons. He had ordered a bottle of the most expensive wine, and two desserts. All told, he single handedly had managed to create a $356 bill for one man. I looked across the table to his seat and was horrified to see that over half the food was being cleared away, uneaten, and the wine had barely been touched, and left at the table.

Chad slowly turned red with anger, but the waiter was waiting, all excited for his tip. Chad handed him his card, and paid for the entire thing, looking like he was ready to explode.


I walked out of the restaurant before Chad, and coming around the corner I saw Josh leaning against Chad’s car. I can’t even describe the look on his face at that moment. He has this tendency of pursing his lips when he is smug, and the self-satisfied, gloating look he shot me made me want to punch him in the face. Then Chad came around the corner.

Chad is the definition of a big scary man. He stands 6’5”, with broad shoulders and giant, strong hands. He used to fight heavyweight class, and still trains regularly, and has the cauliflower ear to show for it. And at that moment, he was pissed off beyond belief. Josh looked at him and turned white. By the time we got down to the car, he was shaking. But, you could tell he had a retort on his lips and he was hell bent on saying it no matter what.

As we walked up to him, “I knew you could AFFORD it.”

Chad didn’t say a word. He walked around Josh, unlocked the passenger side door and escorted me into my seat, and locked the door behind me. He unlocked the driver’s door, started the car, and drove off with Josh running after the car, yelling.

We got back to his place silently, before his phone rang. It was his mother, bitching him out for abandoning poor Josh. Chad listened to her without talking.
We found out later Carrie tried to give him a ride home and he refused. The restaurant called him a cab, and Josh refused to take it. Finally at some point he walked the five miles home.
It was a while before I had contact with Josh again after this.

Toriori
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed

Jiminey Christmas
Is he like...low-functioning autistic or something? How did his mom die?

Morby
Sep 6, 2007

Double Trouble

I'm glad to know you no longer have contact with this person, OP. What an rear end in a top hat!

Vanilla Bison
Mar 27, 2010


Morby posted:

I'm glad to know you no longer have contact with this person, OP. What an rear end in a top hat!

I don't think he's "an" rear end in a top hat. He's like, the Gilgamesh of assholes: the proto-rear end in a top hat from which all other assholes extend lineage.

Vordulak
Jan 7, 2004

I put pennies in the dryer, and they make music! BEAUTIFUL MUSIC!

Wow, the combination of OP's excellent storytelling and the complete wretchedness of Josh actually led me into a two-minute daydream of kicking Josh's rear end. And it was most satisfying.

Keep the stories coming, Hairpin Soup!

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

By the by, anyone enjoying this, please check out the PYF thread about terrible roommates, specifically Bringmyfishback's tales of woe about her insane roommate and her equally awful mother (starting page 5) http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...40&pagenumber=5

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Background, Part Two
Carrie was the one pressuring Chad to reconcile with Josh and their mother, and I think the only reason that Chad hadn’t killed them both. With Carrie’s background she’d be well within her rights to cut them both out forever, honestly.

Josh is 6 years younger than Chad, and Carrie is about two years younger than Josh. I’m a year older than Carrie, for the record. When Josh was adopted, Carrie was still in diapers, and their mother just sort of stopped caring for Carrie. Chad has a lot of stories from his childhood about providing pretty basic care for her, like going to the neighbors and begging for baby food when his mother hadn’t stocked the house with food, that sort of thing. He’d take her away to their uncle’s house when things got bad. It was the uncle and aunt who apparently handled her medical visits and figured out she was type I diabetic. Chad was the one administering meds when she was only a toddler.

Now, the story of how Chad came to adopt Carrie comes to me through bits and pieces a decade after the fact, so I may have some skipped stuff. Essentially though Chad had been kicked out of the house at 16, and was lucky enough to find a situation with people who cared about him. He pretty much had his act together young. He apparently would come over after Carrie got off of school a few times a week and pick her up as she got off of the bus and would take her to different things so she didn’t have to go home. Their mother apparently had no problem with her daughter disappearing and had no clue where she was. (I found out this later when I met her mother and she accused Carrie of being a child prostitute to account for that lost time!)

But when Carrie is in eighth grade she comes home from school to find a bag of her clothes at the mailbox and a note saying she was no longer allowed to come home, that her mom was kicking her out. I’ve heard it contained other insults, but that changes depending on who is telling the story. She obviously is a wreck over it, and heads over to a friend’s house to call Chad. Chad calls their uncle and gets out of work as quickly as he can.

Somehow during all of this, Carrie realized that the bag didn’t contain any of her medication, and getting that was the priority. Chad took Carrie away to calm down and be safe, and her uncle went over to their mother’s house to confront her with a friend who was an off-duty cop.

When they got to the house, apparently their mother slung some horrible insults about Carrie around, and shoved the uncle. When he said he just wanted Carrie’s diabetes supplies, she disappeared into the next room. They followed her after a moment and found her tossing all the medication into the fireplace. Apparently she said that it was bought on her insurance she could do what she pleased. The cop disagreed, obviously, and called in CPS.

Because of this, the assault, and the condition of the house and a few other things it’s best not to talk about, she was arrested and Josh was taken away from her.

The uncle apparently wanted to take Carrie in, but money was really tight for him and he had kids of his own, so he gave support to Chad. Chad set up a bedroom in his apartment for her, and even though he was young, they allowed her to stay there. That summer, in order to get Josh back, their mother signed away custody of Carrie, and Chad was able to legally adopt his sister. The move across town ended up placing her in a superior school district and she basically hit her freshman year of high school with a new start.

Two offshoots of this whole thing. First off, in the initial CPS battle, their mother repeatedly told authorities that Carrie was mentally retarded. Somehow it ended up in her records, and they had to jump through hoops getting her school records and getting her tested to prove that she was actually above average intelligence. It somehow followed her up through college with her records and was a thorn in her side. Despite the fact that it was completely untrue (as was the allegations that she was a child prostitute, which her mother tried to claim) her mother will claim both to this day. Josh occasionally does this too. Never when Chad is around, but I’ve heard him call Carrie “Tardo” and claim she’s too stupid to understand basic things.

The other offshoot was that Josh still holds it against Carrie, and refers to this as “The time Carrie got me taken away from mom.”

Carrie, by the way, graduated third in her class out of high school. She evidently sent the pictures of her getting school awards to her mother. It was the first time she contacted her mother since she lost custody. This let her mother know where she was. Evidently, she sent a letter, which Chad kept away from Carrie. He won’t tell her what it said to this day.

The school does this big after graduation party thing, and their mother showed up and made some huge fuss outside. I don’t know the whole story, but she’s complained about how it started all these rumors about her in her graduating class, and it’s part of the reason she attended school out of the area and is moving.

As far as why Carrie has chosen to reconnect with the people who did this to her, she got in a relationship with a guy who was the son of a minister. They are a really close family, and convinced her she should patch things up, because it’s what Jesus would want and sort of kept pushing her. Chad basically supports his sister’s decisions, although he’s let her know he doesn’t agree with them. Her new family haven’t been pushing for reconciliation since the debacle of the engagement party and wedding, it was the first that I think they realized how bad and abusive things were. I’ll get to that later.

There’s so much background craziness I could fill a dozen posts.

I’ll add one more thing for good measure, actually: Carrie and Chad are full siblings. Chad was the result of a high school fling and resulting shotgun marriage. They divorced when Chad was real young. At some point, his father decided that he should get his life together and get to know his son. The first time he came over to visit, though, he and Chad’s mom ended up having sex, the result being Carrie. His father basically fled in terror after that, and Chad’s mother blames the kids on the fact that she was alone.

I’m trying to go through this chronologically, so it makes decent story telling, so sorry this isn’t terribly trainwrecky yet.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Hairpin Soup posted:

I’m trying to go through this chronologically, so it makes decent story telling, so sorry this isn’t terribly trainwrecky yet.

Dear god, it's trainwrecky enough. Please tell me that Carrie is alive, safe and no longer in contact with these people though

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Ugh, may have to turn in soon, too much typing.

Toriori posted:

Jiminey Christmas
Is he like...low-functioning autistic or something? How did his mom die?

I don't think he's autistic. I have a brother with Aspergers (literal, therapist diagnosed), so I'm sort of familiar with it, but he doesn't have any of the symptoms. He's literally the result of his psychotic mom and an overblown sense of self worth.

I'll seriously answer any questions as best I can (ask away, guys), but I have to be a bit vague about his mom. First of all because from all I've heard she was a pretty decent woman who had some mental issues, and as I never knew her, I won't speak well of the dead. Chad often says that the aunt he remembers would be horrified at how her son turned out.
She died as the result of a corporation that made choices that damaged people when they knew and hid the potential harm of their product. Any more will give away too much identity.

Morby
Sep 6, 2007

Double Trouble

Hairpin Soup posted:

I’m trying to go through this chronologically, so it makes decent story telling, so sorry this isn’t terribly trainwrecky yet.

This is pretty trainwrecky even in the preliminary stages.

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Fatkraken posted:

Dear god, it's trainwrecky enough. Please tell me that Carrie is alive, safe and no longer in contact with these people though

Carrie is awesome. She has married a great guy with an awesome family, and is actually preggers with her first baby. We should find out real soon if it's a boy or girl. (another reason I don't want internet detectivery, she is moving forward with her life)
But the inlaws tried to ruin her wedding repeatedly before her new family realised how bad her mother and Josh were. It was actually a horrible horrible thing.

This is very liberating to type up so far and I hope that when I get to the actual painful bits it won't be too hard to write....

natetimm
May 24, 2007
MAYBE WITH THIS SYCOPHANTIC POST,
THE JOB CREATORS WILL FINALLY LOVE ME AND TREAT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

Look, Daddy I'm even racist like you!


Ugh, he's not autistic, he's just utterly and completely poisoned by living in proximity to his mother his whole life. He really never had a chance, and that's probably why his siblings still tolerate his poo poo to a certain degree. He was the one that got left behind and warped into the wretched creature he is today. Deep down, he's probably jealous of both of them for being able to get out, and it's no surprise the mom favors him so much, he's her Frankenstein monster.

Corn Thongs
Feb 13, 2004


Oh my god hired rapists?? I hope you get to the part where he's in jail.

particle409
Jan 15, 2008

Thou bootless clapper-clawed varlot!


Hairpin Soup posted:

Ugh, may have to turn in soon, too much typing.


I don't think he's autistic. I have a brother with Aspergers (literal, therapist diagnosed), so I'm sort of familiar with it, but he doesn't have any of the symptoms. He's literally the result of his psychotic mom and an overblown sense of self worth.

I'll seriously answer any questions as best I can (ask away, guys), but I have to be a bit vague about his mom. First of all because from all I've heard she was a pretty decent woman who had some mental issues, and as I never knew her, I won't speak well of the dead.

Speak ill of the dead. I have a brother that has some undiagnosed stuff going on. He doesn't understand certain social cues, and can't understand why people don't find it funny when he makes a jokes about him and his wife having sex on the kitchen counter. Anyways, this Josh guy just sounds like a malicious manchild. Do you think he'll be able to continue his spending habits, or is he eating into his savings even with his part-time job? Just curious if this guy will be broker in his late forties.

maplecheese
Oct 31, 2006
Disturbingly delicious.

My only fear as I read this first post was that other people wouldn't like this story as much as I did and that I wasn't going to hear more. Oh my god. It's like the perfect E/N thread, we get to hear about crazy people and know ahead of time that you've severed.

t3h z0r
May 7, 2008



Yeah, also we no longer get to experience as many unrepentant freakshows in SA. (They all migrated to reddit, apparently). Great stories.

particle409 posted:

Do you think he'll be able to continue his spending habits, or is he eating into his savings even with his part-time job? Just curious if this guy will be broker in his late forties.
He'll probably move back with mommy, then once she dies stay in her place and drop off the radar. My dad had a brother that wasn't 1/10th as broken as Josh, but that's how he ended up after an entire life of living in the same house with no friends or loved ones outside of family.

I can sort of understand why the OP and his siblings pity him, his life is a fate worse than death. But at the same time he's an obnoxious little poo poo and the mother abandoned them for this freakshow. I hope they've severed from both, they owe them nothing.

Terebus
Feb 17, 2007


OP I hope I'm speaking for everyone when I say; keep writing please. Your writing style is enjoyable, and your story is horrific.

Dr. Lazer Rage
Oct 22, 2008

What exists in one's mind is more real than anything in this world!

This is amazing and everyone wants more. Please keep writing as you have time and energy.

Cotato
Mar 25, 2002



Fatkraken posted:

By the by, anyone enjoying this, please check out the PYF thread about terrible roommates, specifically Bringmyfishback's tales of woe about her insane roommate and her equally awful mother (starting page 5) http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...40&pagenumber=5

You are recommending the wrong thread, here you go: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3501091

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012


This is amazing. I would totally read this as a book.

JerksNeedLoveToo
Nov 12, 2006


At least it sounds like Josh is so socially inept that he doesn't stand a chance in hell of breeding more shitsparks.

I like to imagine Josh has a supremely punchable face, and a sincere 'hat's off' to Chad for not having done so frequently and repeatedly.

SchrodingersFish
Mar 9, 2012


Hairpin Soup posted:

Two offshoots of this whole thing. First off, in the initial CPS battle, their mother repeatedly told authorities that Carrie was mentally retarded. Somehow it ended up in her records, and they had to jump through hoops getting her school records and getting her tested to prove that she was actually above average intelligence. It somehow followed her up through college with her records and was a thorn in her side...

Carrie, by the way, graduated third in her class out of high school.

Your stories are awesome, please keep telling them, but really, this all is just too good (bad?) to be true. Especially the whole "mentally retarded" thing. First of all, if you have any sort of mental disability or learning disability, you actually get tons of HELP and aid in college. It's not a thorn in your side, quite the opposite. You get first pick of classes, special accommodations, counselors, etc. Because of this, you need an extremely detailed/valid diagnosis of disability so that people don't fake it to take advantage.

Even if it was possible to have this "follow" Carrie through college, her professors and the administration would be be falling all over themselves about how much she had accomplished while facing such debilitating disability.

Even so, as I said, these stories are very entertaining even if they turn out not to be true!

AutoSnakes
Apr 29, 2009


These are extremely entertaining stories.

The "Josh doesn't go dutch" has way too much of a shitthatdidnthappen.txt feel, but is an entertaining, folksy piece nonetheless.

Hairpin Soup
Dec 20, 2012


Vordulak posted:

Wow, the combination of OP's excellent storytelling and the complete wretchedness of Josh actually led me into a two-minute daydream of kicking Josh's rear end. And it was most satisfying.
You, uhm, won't like the parking space fiasco.

SchrodingersFish posted:

Even if it was possible to have this "follow" Carrie through college, her professors and the administration would be be falling all over themselves about how much she had accomplished while facing such debilitating disability.


Regarding the transcript: Carrie is a great woman who will be a great mom. That said, she's very much about image. She has to have things very picture perfect and 'normal'. She was not the type to ever accept help, ever, and if anyone had approached her to offer help it would be obvious she wasn't mentally challenged at all. And knowing her it was a blemish and embarrasment that it made it in her transcripts. The thorn in her side was more that it existed. And anyone noticed it had to be explained WHY it was in her transcript when it was obviously false and then she had to acknowledge all sorts of nasty stuff about her past. It really sticks out to me because after all that her mom did to her, she more or less sticks to that as being the really hurtful thing.

There's obviously a lot of unresolved stuff floating around about this. She doesn't even really talk about the fact that Chad had custody of her in public. I mean to say she's grateful, and among those of us who know she will discuss things from that era of her life, but if there's a stranger in the group she sort of likes to gloss over major portions of her life in order to maintain this sort of perfect facade.
I really don't mean to rip on her, though. I adore her and I wish I had my life as together as she does, but she went through hell and didn't come through it completely without lasting effects.

And yeah, this is all true. I will admit that names are changed and place names are changed to protect people I'm going to keep some things vague. Also, I am chosing my words to make the story more enjoyable. But the biggest sin is sometimes truncating the timing of things so that the story is a little more understandable so you guys can enjoy it a little better. And obviously I'm phoning most of the dialogue in, but you'll get the gist off of it.

natetimm posted:

Ugh, he's not autistic, he's just utterly and completely poisoned by living in proximity to his mother his whole life. He really never had a chance, and that's probably why his siblings still tolerate his poo poo to a certain degree. He was the one that got left behind and warped into the wretched creature he is today. Deep down, he's probably jealous of both of them for being able to get out, and it's no surprise the mom favors him so much, he's her Frankenstein monster.

Yes, a million times yes. I don't want to armchair psychologist the man too much, but he seriously has most of his weirdness to blame on his mom.

When he talks about his childhood, it's like he discusses Carrie and Chad as just being bad. Don't doing bad things, but just as intrinsically BAD. And he was good, equally for no good reason. And his mom used to just reward him and punish them.

Example, real quick. For a while we were seeing a lot of Josh before things got bad, and he told me a story about the last Christmas Chad was there. Their mother had purposefully not gotten any presents for her two biological children, but had gotten plenty, including a Playstation, for Josh. Apparently she made the other two kids sit and watch Josh opening presents, one by one, while they got nothing. Chad was old enough to handle this, but Carrie still belived in Santa, and just cried and cried.

Apparently, their mother took offense to the crying, and locked them outside on the patio, and she and Josh sat down to eat while the other two kids, aged 16 and 7, stood in the cold and watched them eat. Finally, at some point, Chad walked Carrie away, and they went to their uncle’s house, and he fed them.

When their mother realized they were missing, she was furious, and rounded them up, took them back to her house, and after some screaming and spanking, locked them in the basement for the night.

Now, Josh was the one telling me this story, and from him, this was a hysterical thing. He’d pause, laughing, as he told it, oblivious to my horror. You can tell that he’s told this tale before and it’s always been just this one up story where he talks about how epically awesome he is compared to his siblings.

I sort of pointed out how horrible of a story it was. A mutual friend had a kid about Carrie's age then, and I asked him if he could imagine anything that kid could do that would deserve it. And it honestly bothered him, I don't think he had ever really regarded Chad and Carrie as "real" when they were kids.

And I think when he sees Chad and Carrie getting rewarded for their hard work and having educations, friends, significant others, etc, it's just bothering him because he is still looking to be rewarded and for them to be punished. I think that's why he retaliated so much down the road.

I mean, a hell of a lot of armchair psychologist there, but I've seen a lot to back it up. He's still pissed that he didn't get to be married first, for instance!

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AutoSnakes
Apr 29, 2009


quote:

Your stories are awesome, please keep telling them, but really, this all is just too good (bad?) to be true. Especially the whole "mentally retarded" thing.

This gets to me as well. As far as I know, the burden of proof lies in convincing someone you ARE retarded, not the other way around.

Hairpin Soup posted:

Regarding the transcript: Carrie is a great woman who will be a great mom. That said, she's very much about image. She has to have things very picture perfect and 'normal'. She was not the type to ever accept help, ever, and if anyone had approached her to offer help it would be obvious she wasn't mentally challenged at all. And knowing her it was a blemish and embarrasment that it made it in her transcripts. The thorn in her side was more that it existed. And anyone noticed it had to be explained WHY it was in her transcript when it was obviously false and then she had to acknowledge all sorts of nasty stuff about her past. It really sticks out to me because after all that her mom did to her, she more or less sticks to that as being the really hurtful thing.

Ok, following up on my previous comment, I'm further convinced none of this is real. This is an example of a PERFECT sidestep in order to patch up a potential inconsistency / weak point in the original story.

And I mean PERFECT. It redirects, it calls to emotion, it throws in some new details that are just subtle enough to not disturb the original story -- it just sounds so plausible, such a good rebuttal to SchrodingersFish's challenge that I can't help but feel it's entirely made up.

That said, it is all still very entertaining and I hope to read more.

quote:

You, uhm, won't like the parking space fiasco.

Oh, but we will and you know it.

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