Search Amazon.com:
Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«584 »
  • Post
  • Reply
thehappyprince
Apr 4, 2006


■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
This OP is a joint effort between me and hyperriker because what would be more apt for 2013, a year in which there will be 2 chances for Australia to regain the Ashes, than an Englishman and an Australian putting aside their obvious differences in class, charm, pureness of bloodline and chances of being eaten by a snake to deliver this, what I can only describe as, adequate OP.
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtxnfqDJUWg


■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■


Welcome to the Cricket Thread for 2013!

First off, a bit for the thread newbies poking around SAS - this is a fairly cozy thread, a bunch of regulars and a few lurkers throwing their two cents in from time to time, but we only really get going when big matches are on. This year, big matches are on. We're mainly posters from England, Australia, New Zealand and a couple from India, but don't let that deter you.

Come in, try to watch games, ask questions, participate! It's basically like the rest of SAS, bunch of guys having a chat about the sport, rarely gets serious until Aussie lurkers show up and declare only Australians to be the best ever at the sport, then it's on for all money.

What the gently caress is cricket?

Imagine baseball. Now imagine baseball if you could hit the ball in any direction you liked, and the ball mustshould bounce before it reaches you. So, in addition to movement in the air, consider bounce, movement off the surface, the state of the playing surface contributing to said movement and the state of the ball. If you're still with us, you're on the right track!

Watch this highlights video while reading the below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WVQBk5wnPQ

- Each team has 11 players
- Two batsmen in at a time
- Fielding side has one bowler (pitcher), one wicket keeper (catcher) and the rest are in the field
- A bowler delivers 6 balls (pitches) which comprises one 'over', then another bowler will bowl the next over from the opposite end of the pitch
- Batsmen score one run by leaving the crease at one end and running to the other
- Four runs if you hit it all the way to the boundary
- Six runs if you hit it over the boundary on the full (home run)
- There are 10 ways a batsman can be out, and if he's out, he doesn't come back for the rest of the innings. Once 10 of the 11 batsmen are out, OR the batting side's captain can declare the innings closed if enough runs are scored to fit the match situation, the fielding side will then go into bat
- Each side has 2 innings per match
- To win, you must bowl the other side out (dismiss all their batsmen) in both innings, while having scored more runs than them.

If you're still confused, don't beat yourself up. Just watch this video of a dog getting vacuumed and weep gently at the quiet beauty of life for a moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcjJtccVsiY
There, there.

Sometimes they play in white clothes, sometimes in coloured clothes!?!?

There are three 'forms' of cricket played internationally at the moment.

- Test cricket (Mainly white uniforms):

Tests are the traditional and historic form of the game. There are no over limits, and a full five days are given in which a result must be found. If there is no winner after five days, the match is drawn. Draws can be either the most dull, or the most wonderful occurrences, depending on how the match plays out (three days rained off, OR batsmen struggling to survive under immense pressure to save the match). Tests are long-form chess, they are an examination of all players on both sides, the peak of all cricket in terms of strategy, fitness and, most of all, mental discipline.

- One-day cricket (Coloured uniforms):

Born out of Kerry Packer's 'World Series Cricket' in the 1970's, one dayers reinvented the sport. There is one innings per side, and a limit of 50 overs per team, which quite often led to finishes such as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KO1XL8_ezVM

One dayers no longer command the interest that they used to, mainly due to teams trying to 'not lose' instead of playing for the win, but it's still hardly as bad as...

- Twenty20 cricket (Who gives a poo poo):

This is a loving gimmick, aimed straight at the untapped audience of people who don't have the attention span to appreciate even the greatest Test matches. It's just a slogfest that takes about three hours, full of boring defensive bowling and boring defensive field placements. Hardly anything that makes Test cricket interesting is found here,

"hey it's a bit of fun so whatever" Actually T20 is probably the main reason why Test cricket is struggling, because all the batsmen slog their hearts out in the Indian Premier League or the Big Bash or something, and then can't calm down and play a proper innings in a Test. All the bowlers seem to forget how to bowl a disciplined attacking line for more than 4 overs in a row. gently caress T20.

Who plays this poo poo?

England

England invented cricket and thusly is best at it. It’s a team made up of pure sporting thoroughbreds. Not gods but Englishmen, the next best thing. They are lead by their captain Alastair Cook but it is common knowledge that the real driving force behind the success is the best all rounder in the world, Timothy Bresnan. Bresnan is a man so full of steel and grit that some say the word ‘born’ is rubbed out on his birth certificate and replaced with 'forged.' Bresnan sets the standard that every other player strives to achieve when they are representing England; a country that, at the time of writing this, has never done anything bad to any country or people ever.

India

India are a team in transition. A transition from being good to being bad. The main problem for them is their obsession with the IPL and shorter forms of the game but their sheer mass of population should keep them strong enough to remain near the top of the pile for the next decade or so. If not, they can always have the BCCI complain to the ICC until the rules are changed in their favour.

New Zealand

New Zealand are like diet Australia. You think you're being healthier with the lighter alternative but you're actually giving yourself cancer through some weird artificial sweetener. Watching New Zealand play cricket is a bit like having cancer actually; it takes your health, your dreams, your hair. What a relief it must be when it comes for your life. They're not all bad, though. There is one thing they excel at; and that is losing. Some say to see New Zealand win you need 'the right kind of eyes.' If this is the case, the right kind of eyes are the eyes that see imaginary things that don't actually happen.

Pakistan

Pakistan are the most interesting team. When they’re not having their country bombed into looking like a squalid New Zealand by America they can boast a dead coach, match fixing, performance enhancing drugs, players attacking each other with bats and official statements literally featuring the words ‘genital warts’ in their recent history and for that we love them. They are an eternal mid-table team. If you’re English, think of them like an Everton or a Newcastle. If you’re American think of them like a team that finishes in the middle of the league in whatever bad sport it is you like.

West Indies

West Indies are the saddest of all teams. They were once the best team in the world and cricket was the national sport. Nowadays cricket has fallen behind less athletic pastimes like sprinting and bobsleighing. Barely capable of stringing 2 draws together now, they’re everyone’s second favourite team and the only thing they’ve won lately has been our hearts.


Australia

Initially a British penal colony, Australia's single proudest national achievement has been standing up and smashing the loving Poms in every sport on the planet[citation needed] with cricket right at the forefront[citation needed]. Apart from Heavyweight champion at Kangaroo Boxing, Captain of the Australian Test side is the highest sporting office in the country, and every match (except in Hobart, gently caress Hobart) is an event, always strongly attended and watched around the nation. Cricket is the summer sport.

South Africa

Widely regarded as one of the best sides at the moment, South Africa are doing well now they've put all the racism behind them. However good they get, they never seem to be as good as they think they are, though, and as such can be quite the little cunts. This makes for much hilarity when they inevitably choke in a one dayer or prepare a test match pitch to suit their attack only for it to backfire horribly on them.

Sri Lanka

Sri Lanka are still trying to come to terms with losing the best bowler ever to retirement which is proving difficult for them as for the last 15 years they've depended on him almost entirely. What does the future hold for Sri Lanka? Probably more cricketers with really long names.

The minnows

No this isn't actually a team but the rest of the smaller/newer cricketing playing countries who, quite frankly, don't deserve their own individual paragraph and will have to do with a line or two each and being gathered into a group named after the first swimming badge. The one you get when you swim 5 meters. I mean, you can fall over that far. That's how low these teams are regarded.

Bangladesh: For a while they seemed to be getting their poo poo together and were approaching a decent level but that seems to have petered out. They beat Australia once though lol.
Ireland: Too busy getting drunk to seriously challenge the top teams.
Netherlands: Too busy getting stoned to seriously challenge the top teams.
Afghanistan: Too busy being invaded by America to seriously challenge the top teams.
Zimbabwe: Too busy being hosed over by Robert Mugabe to seriously challenge the top teams.

■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■


The Ashes
The Ashes is a test match series played between England and Australia. There are 2 Ashes series this year, back to back, in England from June-Sep and then a return series in Australia starting in November, five Tests each.

The Ashes is important, even to the casual fan, and any loss to England has the Australian media crying for weeks, heads rolling amongst the playing group and/or administration and a 47% increase in kangaroo abuse cases reported. Don Bradman, who might very well be (statistically and actually) the greatest player of any sport ever, was a weapon crafted and honed by Australian cricket to gently caress England, and gently caress them he did, time and time again, and his successors did, time and time again.

Australia dominated the Ashes for a long time, mostly off the back of known drug cheat Shane Warne and chucker Glenn McGrath. Now, though, these two have retired to shag Liz Hurley and mourn dead wives, respectively.

Today we find a more humbling picture. Ricky Ponting and Mike Hussey have retired, and with them they take the last remaining hopes and dreams of the nation. Australia is loving poo poo now, they can't loving bat and constantly rotate the bowling ranks trying to find something, anything that sticks together for more than five minutes. Meaning, of course, that everyone is scared of being dropped from the team, so they play like spackers when put under even the slightest pressure.


yeah Ricky, your time was up a year or two ago

Contrary to Australia’s demise, England have risen in recent years and will be heavy favourites for both series because they're just a lot better than Australia at cricket but hopefully that won't stop the Australians in this thread getting their hopes up and you never know, they might even engage in some much needed persiflage.
■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■

thehappyprince fucked around with this message at Apr 26, 2013 around 12:42

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Hyperriker
Nov 1, 2008

They say the forums are the fire in which we burn. Right now, Captain, my good posts are running out...


Summary of the 2012 thread's last 20 pages:

gently caress You Mitchell Johnson, We are entirely boned in the Ashes

Shmoses
Nov 5, 2004

OH GOD I LOVE RADIOHEAD THEY'RE SO TALENTED AND HOT AND UNNG!!


I predict that we will win only one of the ten Ashes test and that Alastair Cook will score at least 1200 runs. And that Kevin Pietersen will score a double century somewhere, probably Adelaide. All in all I'm not really looking forward to it.

Doctor Cave
Nov 28, 2007

A man can only provide so much raw protein



Hyperriker posted:

Summary of the 2012 thread's last 20 pages:

gently caress You Mitchell Johnson, We are entirely boned in the Ashes

Remember, before the Ashes we have 4(?) tests in India. If Johnson is terrible in those tests, and guys like Pattinson regain their fitness, Johnson might not make it to the Ashes.

We can only hope.

Sir Coq of Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

Sworn to uphold the values of faith, loyalty, courage, honour and spicy marinade.


dflanny posted:

Remember, before the Ashes we have 4(?) tests in India. If Johnson is terrible in those tests, and guys like Pattinson regain their fitness, Johnson might not make it to the Ashes.

We can only hope.

We shouldn't be taking him to India though. We should be taking new talent that we can season on the India tour and then use to gently caress England (I really enjoyed that OP).

PTizzle
Oct 1, 2008


A Good OP.

The Ashes should be fun but I'm more worried about the possibility of India giving us a royal rogering on their nutty pitches.

Auditore
Nov 4, 2010


Good OP, I especially enjoyed the blatant Vaughan-worship and Bresnan (over)hype.

EMC
Aug 17, 2004



Very good OP, looking forward to all the test cricket this year. Who knows what Australia will dish up in India, I predict >50 pages of BCCI/DRS rage - hopefully those cheating cunts are on the receiving end of some aboslute howlers, there is something that unites all cricket followers when watching Indian

gay picnic defence
Oct 5, 2009



PTizzle posted:

A Good OP.

The Ashes should be fun but I'm more worried about the possibility of India giving us a royal rogering on their nutty pitches.

Hopefully they use the India series to blood a bunch of spin bowlers, one of whom will replace Lyon and turn into Warne II.

Hyperriker
Nov 1, 2008

They say the forums are the fire in which we burn. Right now, Captain, my good posts are running out...


Auditore posted:

Good OP, I especially enjoyed the blatant Vaughan-worship and Bresnan (over)hype.

Few better off-side drivers in the world than Vaughan when he had those two or three years of supreme form

Burn Down Canberra
Oct 27, 2005

GAME PLANS? We don't need no stinking game plans.



I feel the biggest issue with Australian cricket is the selectors. I've heard talk of Maxwell replacing hussey instead of khawaja. The problem is Maxwell doesn't have the greatest temperament and that would be a collapse prone top order. Even more so than now. Watson is simply terrible with the bat right now.


edit

Also could you imagine McGrath being rotated. Australia is the only country to do this crap. The last test there was the insane situation of an injured batsmen (clarke) playing while an uninjured bowler was rotated so a proven failure could pad his stats against one of the worst test teams

Burn Down Canberra fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2013 around 06:47

Haters Objector
Jul 16, 2010

The beauty of me is that I'm very rich.


I think the current plan for Sydney is to have Khawaja replace Watson at 4, Maxwell at 7 and move Wade/Hussey up a spot.

gay picnic defence
Oct 5, 2009



Burn Down Canberra posted:

I feel the biggest issue with Australian cricket is the selectors. I've heard talk of Maxwell replacing hussey instead of khawaja. The problem is Maxwell doesn't have the greatest temperament and that would be a collapse prone top order. Even more so than now.


edit

Also could you imagine McGrath being rotated. Australia is the only country to do this crap. The last test there was the insane situation of an injured batsmen (clarke) playing while an uninjured bowler was rotated so a proven failure could pad his stats against one of the worst test teams

I don't mind guys like Maxwell being given a go then being sent away to deal with their deficiencies.
When better than a meaningless dead rubber where the opposition is probably still trying hard for the sake of dignity?
The rotations should cease once the bowling attack gets a bit older and can handle the workload. There must be something up with the fitness program or something with all these guys getting soft tissue injuries.

Burn Down Canberra posted:

Watson is simply terrible with the bat right now.
Um... what? Didn't he make 80 or something? If he's injured then he shouldn't play but his form seems OK.

Doctor Cave
Nov 28, 2007

A man can only provide so much raw protein



Coq au Nandos posted:

We shouldn't be taking him to India though. We should be taking new talent that we can season on the India tour and then use to gently caress England (I really enjoyed that OP).

Of course we shouldn't. But I feel it's too optimistic to believe that the selectors wont pick him.

-Spiffy-
Jul 30, 2003

noice

RIP old thread. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.


Also RIP spoonboy.

Hyperriker
Nov 1, 2008

They say the forums are the fire in which we burn. Right now, Captain, my good posts are running out...


-Spiffy- posted:

RIP old thread. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.


Also RIP spoonboy.

New thread title is a shameless, desperate attempt to see if the thread title curse keeps up

England Moment of Failure Never Forget

Scylo
Aug 5, 2009


4liters posted:

I don't mind guys like Maxwell being given a go then being sent away to deal with their deficiencies.
When better than a meaningless dead rubber where the opposition is probably still trying hard for the sake of dignity?
The rotations should cease once the bowling attack gets a bit older and can handle the workload. There must be something up with the fitness program or something with all these guys getting soft tissue injuries.

Um... what? Didn't he make 80 or something? If he's injured then he shouldn't play but his form seems OK.

Maxwell is probably going to be there for India as the second spinner no matter happens in this Sydney match. Hopefully he won't be poo poo.

Watson's average with the bat for the last two years is 28. That would be perfectly fine if he was playing in the lower order as an all-rounder, but he's coming in at number 4 with no ability to get quick singles and twos and no ability to make big scores. He'll probably be kept in the middle order for a while after he gets fit though, the selectors seem obsessed with the idea that everybody needs to be able to bat and bowl.

Seams
Feb 3, 2005


4liters posted:

Hopefully they use the India series to blood a bunch of spin bowlers, one of whom will replace Lyon and turn into Warne II.

I remember when Warne was at his peak and the line that would always come up either in cricket journalism or the match commentary was that all the young kids watching the cricket would want to be as good as Warne and Australia would never be in want of a good spinner again.

Burn Down Canberra
Oct 27, 2005

GAME PLANS? We don't need no stinking game plans.



The thing with Watson is that on the surface he does the job as an allrounder. Averages a shade over 30 with the ball and a little under 40 with the bat. With a full workload bowling and coming in at 6 or 7 he would be fine for what he is.

From all reports he is struggling bowling at all and is expected to bat in the top four. So what are we left with. A guy with two centuries to his name, who has a very one dimensional batting game. There are other areas about his game that I hate. He's like a tank between the wickets and selfish to the point of parody of a cricketer. I'm surprised he doesn't reach for the drs when he is clean bowled.

I also can't be bothered looking it up but how has his form been since Clarke took over ?

I'd rather a top four of batsmen who can play off the front and back foot. Maybe that's just me.


Edit.

I've been beaten with my Watson rant.

Burn Down Canberra fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2013 around 08:23

gay picnic defence
Oct 5, 2009



Seams posted:

I remember when Warne was at his peak and the line that would always come up either in cricket journalism or the match commentary was that all the young kids watching the cricket would want to be as good as Warne and Australia would never be in want of a good spinner again.

Good to see cricket journalism here is just as bad as our political journalism.



Hyperriker posted:

New thread title is a shameless, desperate attempt to see if the thread title curse keeps up

England Moment of Failure Never Forget
Haha just noticed that. Johnson will take 12 and make a century in Sydney on the back of this thread now.

gay picnic defence fucked around with this message at Jan 1, 2013 around 08:28

Auditore
Nov 4, 2010


I thought the thing is with allrounders is that you have to be really good at one thing and passable at the other, which Watson clearly isn't.

serious gaylord
Sep 16, 2007


SA's 2014 Miniature Painter of the Year


4liters posted:

Hopefully they use the India series to blood a bunch of spin bowlers, one of whom will replace Lyon and turn into Warne II.

Hah yeah, spin bowlers.

Auditore posted:

I thought the thing is with allrounders is that you have to be really good at one thing and passable at the other, which Watson clearly isn't.

He's really really good at getting out stupidly.

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

Cricket.



(I don't have anything to say, I just can't find the bookmark button on the new stylesheet).

thehappyprince
Apr 4, 2006


deep square leg posted:

Cricket.



(I don't have anything to say, I just can't find the bookmark button on the new stylesheet).

it's the star at the top left now. took me a while to find it

gabensraum
Sep 16, 2003


LOAD "NICE!",8,1

thehappyprince posted:

it's the star at the top left now. took me a while to find it

Cheers.

Also I was considering those figurines for a friend but they're like 800 pounds.

tarbrush
Feb 7, 2011


If you see my husband Mr. Gaston Ramirez please tell him I love him signed tarbrush


So Christopher Martin-Jenkins has just died. Being a cricket commentator seems to be a more risky business than heretofore thought.

The Deadly Hume
May 26, 2004

Where's my Harper's?


Christopher Martin-Jenkins (BBC radio commentator) died at 67, apparently.

EDIT:

Pig in the City
Oct 7, 2007

That'll do, pig. That'll do.


I'm going to be holding Kerry O'Keeffe just a little bit tighter in my arms tonight.

Sir Coq of Nandos
Nov 7, 2006

Sworn to uphold the values of faith, loyalty, courage, honour and spicy marinade.


Just got back from the Hobart/Perth game at Bellerieve. Marcus North tried to switch hit twice, hosed both shots up and then got out cheaply playing a conventional shot.

Remember, Ausgoons: no matter how bad off we are now, we could still have that munt in our team.

serious gaylord
Sep 16, 2007


SA's 2014 Miniature Painter of the Year


Mark Nicholas gets closer and closer to being the only commentator left.

Lionel Richie
Nov 14, 2004



Coq au Nandos posted:

Remember, Ausgoons: no matter how bad off we are now, we could still have that munt in our team.

Counterpoint: you still have Mitchell Johnson in your team

serious gaylord
Sep 16, 2007


SA's 2014 Miniature Painter of the Year


Please put this in the OP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3P6VM5a9a2s

Thanks Harry123PotterFan

MrL_JaKiri
Sep 23, 2003

I'm a bloomin' mathematical genius!
BOOM BOOM!


Hyperriker posted:

New thread title is a shameless, desperate attempt to see if the thread title curse keeps up

England Moment of Failure Never Forget

It is the best thread title

MrL_JaKiri
Sep 23, 2003

I'm a bloomin' mathematical genius!
BOOM BOOM!


Also so long CMJ

Lungboy
Aug 23, 2002

NEED SQUAT FORM HELP

Sad to hear about CMJ, he was a great commentator. I thought Blowers would be next.

thehappyprince
Apr 4, 2006


I had Botham in the deathpool but it was mostly just wishful thinking.

Lionel Richie
Nov 14, 2004



Put my name down for Imran Khan.

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Who spoonboy'd him?

Lionel Richie
Nov 14, 2004



Well, Pakistani politicians in an election year don't have a fantastic life expectancy.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

goatface
Dec 5, 2007

I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.


Yeah, but I thought nobody actually expected him to do well.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«584 »