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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW

supermikhail posted:

Why would anyone want to get better at poetry,
and is there such thing as "better",
at least in contemporary poetry?
I personally don't get freeverse,
and don't intend to grow to get freeverse.
At least with rhymes you can do something...
like remember them.
Also, the author of a freeverse poem
had better to sound smarter than I am,
because everyone's measure of smarts is oneself.
Nuff said.

P.S. :flaccid:

Ugh.

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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW
Too Late

She pulled me down closer
and waited
for me to speak, or turn my head,
or lean so far in
she could taste my breath.

I held the tail of those seconds,
scratching to the later seconds
growing from her chapped lips,
from powdered skin
textured like an ant hill;
growing into wrinkles,
into a house a car and children.

Her lips spread
in tiny gaps
like whispering,
and I could hear us
far from now,
like radio voices
over static.

We'd lay in bed—
our things around us:
retirement plaque,
pictures of family,
fake plants,
an untouched guitar
grown old
in the same house we have,
asking each other
if we're happy
with the choices
we've made.

I'd stare at the foot of the bed
as if reviewing my life;
she would nod
saying we've done well,
ask if I think so too,
and I would lie.

She pulled me down closer;
but I got up and said
that I should go now.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW

budgieinspector posted:

The poetry class I took last semester drat near destroyed my enjoyment of writing. It's one of the reasons I haven't been posting (or even following) Thunderdome.

And I like writing poetry. I like reading poetry. I just had the extreme misfortune of winding up with an instructor who bridled at the idea that it could be fun, and who refused to consider that maybe, just maybe, writers who jizz out opaque nonsense are either having fun playing in a sandbox of words, or are utterly pretentious twats. No, no -- it is up to the reader to find meaning in the logorrhea. Sift through that poo poo, sonny -- I swear there's a pearl in that there outhouse.

Somebody please tell me that writing is a worthwhile way to spend my time.

I literally bet my livelihood on it. If you want it, it's worth it.

So gently caress your loser professor and get your rear end putting that loving ink to wood immediately.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW

Incarnate Dao posted:

The Cultural Revolution

A civil servant
asks a daoist mystic to
cast the Leader’s lines.
“Look! Bodhidharma has gone
West! The People stole his cave.”

The title needs work. It's too blunt. You don't want an essay title.

As for the crafting of it, I can't say that I see an actual poem so much as a two-sentence quip with random line breaks. Kind of like the title, it lacks the subtlety that is the strength of poetry. New poets (and staunch critics of all poetry) often confuse obfuscation for subtlety. You have a message you want to transmit, which is the second sentence. Now, you need to mix it up with some other ingredients so that that idea isn't the only flavor.

My advice would be to take what you're trying to do here and write a 50-line poem, but every line/idea should have some sort of musicality and/or artistry to it. Meander a bit, explore, and read it out loud to hear the cadence of the words. Does it flow like a sentence or does it have its own, internal method of being spoken? Anywhere you can, use tools from the poetry toolbox: metaphor, simile, rhyme, alliteration. See what works and what doesn't work. Finally, once you've fooled around and found a good voice for the poem, you can cut it down and make your idea speak in that voice with fresh turns of phrase that will make the reader stop and consider your poem, thus sealing it in their memory.

I like to use this Pound poem as an example of all that. It's very short, but it executes its idea (an image that paints an emotional landscape) in an interesting way.


-----------------------------------
In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.

-----------------------------------

Ezra Pound studied Eastern poetry quite a bit, and he even emulated it. However, there is a distinctively Western approach to crafting the words. You can't read the translation of a poem in English and simply mimic it if you want to achieve the same effect. If it's written in a different language, there's so many other factors going on beneath the surface. So, you can adapt Eastern poetic concepts and make them happen in English, but you'll ultimately have to work within the confines of English and its poetic constructs.

I'd suggest reading lots of Pound to see what he did and what of that may be useful to you.

Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW
I've been exploring Sound Poetry, and I'm currently working on my masterpiece, "Wub in the Time of Cholera".

It's a dub-step anthem tribute to Marquez. What do you guys think?

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Erik Shawn-Bohner
Mar 21, 2010

by XyloJW

Ethanfr0me posted:

I'm having trouble with the tense, everything should be in past tense but it just doesn't sound right.



Burst of Faith

another day
another flower sprouted
another dog dead
another set of lips, pouted
took aim
poured words
cooled heads
set fires
little children were born
tiny cowards and liars
many moments of pause
full of prayers and blessings
gave rise to great armies
of crisp window dressings
some were ironed
some were hung
some were pickled for later
and their quick, witty chatter
dug a deep smoking crater
that I stood in
confused
so far out of the way
and tomorrow began
before I finished
today.

I'm not entirely sure what this is you've posted.

I don't know how to tell you to go home and write a poem.

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