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SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


Welcome to your home for all things vocal and unpopular! Just how unpopular are we talking?

Wizardryo posted:

It's depressing to see that the Idol thread that used to get 800+ posts a week now has to share with The Voice.
By comparison, the 2012-2013 installments of X-Factor, Idol, and The Voice maybe got 400 posts combined all season. Hence, this thread is now your year-round resource for shows nobody cares about. Incidentally the poster quoted above, Wizardryo, is the resident expert on international singshows and if you want discussion about UK/AU vocal competitions you will find it here (and how!).

2014 is upon us and it's hopefully time to move past looking like a very lackluster 2013 was a harbinger and not just an off year.

American Idol S13 (Weds 8PM and Thur 9PM on Fox)

The mothership, the one that started it all, Star Search THIS... is American Idol! There was a time when Idol was known as the Death Star, destroying every show that came in its sights, new or old. Now it's played out, tired as hell, and the ratings are literally at their lowest numbers ever. All of the footage that had been released promised a revitalized dinosaur and lapsed fans had every reason to be excited. Unfortunately they did a poor job casting the talent and once the live shows started things quickly fell apart. No one is putting on the kind of performances that catch fire online, and there is no mainstream buzz whatsoever, not even for the excellent judge panel. It's starting to feel very X Factor USA S2 around here. The old house still has good bones and the right people are going home every week, but we're approaching a 2.0 rating which is bad news. Self-loathing Idol faithful, gather here to lament!

The Voice S6 (Mon & Tue @ 8PM on NBC)

Legitimately the only remaining success story on the burned-out husk that is NBC, and the last truly great singing show since Idol went downhill 3-5 seasons ago. The main difference is that the coaches actually give a poo poo about the process and their contestants. Your superior Winter Coaches Usher and Shakira are back, but Adam Levine and Blake Shelton are definitely the stars of the show, and their chemistry and banter drive the series. Adam broke Blake's 3-cycle win streak in the Fall for his first win since S1, but don't let that fool you into thinking this is a show of foregone conclusions (even though S5 largely was). It's the rare vocal competition that leaves you with a smile on your face. You barely even notice what a bad host Carson Daly is!

Coming Soon

Sing Your Face Off (Premieres Sat May 31 2014)
That's right, it's actually happening. I'll just let ABC do the talking.

ABC's Press Release posted:

“Sing Your Face Off” is a talent variety competition featuring celebrities who are transformed and trained to perform as a legendary musical icon. Over the course of the series, the five celebrities – Sebastian Bach/legendary rock star from the band Skid Row, Landry Fields/NBA’s Toronto Raptors, Jon Lovitz/comedian, actor, singer, China Anne McClain/Disney Channel’s “A.N.T. Farm,” and Lisa Rinna/”Days Of Our Lives” – will take on the identity of an iconic music performer. The celebrities could find themselves transformed into someone far older, younger or even someone of the opposite sex.

From the hours in the makeup chair to the days spent with choreographers and vocal coaches, each show will feature the complete transformation – not just physical – the celebrities will embody everything about the assigned icon – their walk, their talk, and their distinguishing mannerisms leading up to the live performance in front of the studio audience. Viewers will get the chance to see each of the celebrities portray multiple musical performers during the series -- such as Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Michael Jackson, Pavarotti, Pitbull, Britney Spears, and Tina Turner to name a few.

John Barrowman (“Arrow,” “Torchwood”) is the host. Debbie Gibson and Darrell Hammond are the primary judges, while guest judges along the way will include David Allen Grier, RuPaul, Carnie Wilson, Richard Simmons, Tom Arnold, and Carmen Electra.
It's being blocked with the second season of Bet On Your Baby on Saturday nights this summer and it's going to be incredible. Like if you're not watching this I don't even want to know you.


Just one rule for this thread:
Please don't talk about America's Got Talent

It tends to get its own thread and it's not strictly a singing show. Also I hate it.

Review sites:
Michael Slezak on TVLine
Daniel Fienberg Idol recaps on HitFix
Dave Holmes Idol recaps on Vulture
The Voice recaps on Vulture Not covering this season
Grantland Idol Panel Not covering this season, unfortunately

Thread Contents
American Idol S12 - ppg 1-6
The Voice S4 - ppg 3-8
OP talks to themselves during Summer 2013 - pg 9
X Factor S3 - ppg 9-19
The Voice S5 - ppg 9-19
The Sing-Off S4 - pg 15, ppg 17-19
American Idol S13 - ppg 19-22
The Voice S6 - ppg 21-22

Please send Questions/Comments/Suggestions/Recap Sites/Pasta Recipes to @auralsecks

SHUPS 4 DETH fucked around with this message at Apr 4, 2014 around 21:43

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Petite Puppet
Nov 6, 2007
touch the puppet head.

Literally could not care less about American Idol and the people who win it, BUT my little brother's prom date is on it and it's a well-known fact in town that she's progressed to the live broadcasts so I guess I'm forced to sort of support her.

Besides that, I'm excited to watch Mariah Carey be obviously uncomfortable around Nicki Minaj on national TV.

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

I thought Keith Urban was Billy Ray Cyrus, and was wondering when Billy Ray Cyrus became Australian. Shows how up on pop culture I am.

If I'd been the amputee, I would've been thinking, "gently caress being an 'inspiration'--either give me a golden ticket already, or shove it up your asses."

Obeast
Aug 26, 2006
Õ_~ ANIME BABE LOVER 2000 ~_Õ

I didn't get to see the amputee guy perform (my local Fox affiliate cut to commercials right before he started and got back to the show when he was leaving the audition room), but I'm actually surprised that he didn't get through since he had a sob story, and sob stories on these shows usually mean automatic qualification.

Also, how many more loving times do we have to hear "Home"? It was a pretty good song at first and is one of the better songs to come out of Idol in recent years, but it seems to have spread faster than the flu virus that's making everyone sick.

Obeast fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2013 around 06:39

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


I uhm wow. The post-production stuff was shockingly bad. Portraying a brown person in a turban in that way made me extraordinarily uncomfortable. At least he was good, unlike the two Asian contestants they trotted out like they do every season. That said, the absurd dream sequences for the delusional Idol fan were pretty funny.

Nicki Minaj loving owns and I'm so glad she's on this panel. Keith is nice and honest and Mariah's all about herself as expected but I'll withhold judgment for now. Randy was there also.

Obeast posted:

I didn't get to see the amputee guy perform (my local Fox affiliate cut to commercials right before he started and got back to the show when he was leaving the audition room), but I'm actually surprised that he didn't get through since he had a sob story, and sob stories on these shows usually mean automatic qualification.

He led with Mraz and it was awful, with egregious overenunciation and pointless syncopation. Then he did Bon Jovi with a guitar and it was pretty good, but they sent him on his way anyway. I was a bit puzzled by that actually, and not just because of his sob story.

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

Christopher Irvine posted:

He led with Mraz and it was awful, with egregious overenunciation and pointless syncopation. Then he did Bon Jovi with a guitar and it was pretty good, but they sent him on his way anyway. I was a bit puzzled by that actually, and not just because of his sob story.

I don't think your sob story is allowed to negatively affect your physical appearance, because that could affect album sales down the line.

What, me, cynical?

Mostly, I just felt bad at him having to endure condescension and head-patting about being inspiring and beautiful, before being sent away ticket-less. I know I'd be pissed.

Glad the Sikh guy got through, though. He's adorable.

Tedgewick
Oct 29, 2012


Ugh. Back again like the karaoke-show crack addict I am. I could barely watch the episode, I just skipped to each singer and nobody sounded like a standout to me. And what was up with all the ugly people? Everyone seemed snaggle toothed and bug eyed.

Christopher Irvine, you might want to add the King of Recappers, Dave Holmes to the links in your OP. One or two of the dozen people that visit this thread may not be aware he is back again for Idol.

I hope I can survive enough Randy-isms to stick with this poo poo till Hollywood Week.

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


I'm probably going to be watching this weekly at least through the auditions. I also figured out why Nicki Minaj annoys the gently caress out of me - it's impossible for me to tell when she's genuinely annoyed. She has some expressions that are over-the-top that just scream "annoyed" but when she snaps out of it and speaks, it's as if it were a completely different person or something. The cat-fighting between her and Mariah got old pretty quick.

I didn't think amputee guy was that bad of a singer, and I was also surprised to see him sent home.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


Tedgewick posted:

Christopher Irvine, you might want to add the King of Recappers, Dave Holmes to the links in your OP. One or two of the dozen people that visit this thread may not be aware he is back again for Idol.

drat, this guy's good! Added to OP

Forgot to mention that I'm pretty sure Frankie got through just so they could play "Relax" when he went through to be as on-the-nose as possible. Just playing he was loving great

SHUPS 4 DETH fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2013 around 20:54

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



I'm almost positive that opening was staged, but if not it was the greatest thing ever.

SouthLAnd
Jan 5, 2011

This is a front row seat to the greatest show on earth.

Okay..what? That was awesome.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


I love that Randy's become so irrelevant that he doesn't even give a poo poo about his own opinions.

And yeah Foochs that opening was legit hilarious if it was unscripted.

e: Also Johnny Keyser is now hosed up on drugs. I'm not sure what drugs but dude was loaded as poo poo. And I say this as a person who watches Idol as drunk as possible.

double e: Kez Ban loving owns

SHUPS 4 DETH fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2013 around 09:39

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007
Here comes my e/n post in which I express my 'concerns' regarding SF4. Read my posts and validate my existence. Also, DOA4.

I'm loving this so far. Minaj is so mind-bendingly inane (and insane), Randy can barely give enough of a gently caress to trot out his catchphrases and Keith Urban clearly doesn't know what the gently caress sat between Mariah and Nicki. Plus so far, the auditions haven't been quite as terrible as last season!
I'm okay with this, for now.

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


Yeah, I found my reason to continue watching - Kezban is fuckin' awesome, and I was so glad to hear the sky open up and birds start singing when she picked up her guitar.

I found Minaj a little less annoying last night. I think being able to put a finger on what it was that bugged me about her kind of helped me get over it.

Millstone
Dec 20, 2007

iPaaaaaahd

Drink whenever nicki says "tone"

KilGrey
Mar 13, 2005

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow...



I remember why I don't watch this show now, I'm way too prone to sympathetic embarrassment. There has been more than one moment I either hid my face or had to fast forward through something. That's part of why I like The Voice, everyone we see is already vetted and is at least half way decent enough to not be made a mockery of.

I feel bad for Keith. He's just a regular dude sitting between two psychos. He should have stayed on The Voice Australia. I do laugh at Nikki rolling her eyes every time someone comes in and says how much they love Mariah. We hear it every other contestant so you know it's said a million times a day. I don't know why she'd be surprised though. Mariah has been around forever and is legitimately a legend, even if she's not your cup of tea. The horrid, fake British accents need to stop though.

I really hope Johnny Keiser goes home early, I agree, he was loaded as gently caress. Looks like he has been for awhile too. I loved the guy that stuttered and I'm on team Kaz Ban all the way.

Sigh...one day I'll stop watching these horrid shows.

raditts
Feb 21, 2001

The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.

In past years I could be bothered to at least watch the audition phase because I guess I'm the opposite of KilGrey and love watching people making asses of themselves overestimating their own talent, but I think I'm done with the season after watching half of the first episode. It's just so boring now, I couldn't find anything to root for or mock about the contestants and the judges barely have a personality between the four of them.

I think it's about time they gave Dunkelman a shot at hosting again, it's not like they have anything to lose.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


KilGrey posted:

I remember why I don't watch this show now, I'm way too prone to sympathetic embarrassment. There has been more than one moment I either hid my face or had to fast forward through something. That's part of why I like The Voice, everyone we see is already vetted and is at least half way decent enough to not be made a mockery of.

I think I said "UGHH SKIP THIS poo poo" like 5-6 times per ep so far. They usually get saved by a Minaj reaction shot but it sure as poo poo isn't worth watching in full.

raditts posted:

I think it's about time they gave Dunkelman a shot at hosting again, it's not like they have anything to lose.

Seacrest is the glue of the show. If you want to make Dunkleman the Christina Milian to Ryan's Carson Daly, fine (and clearly he'd love to get that call). But other than Nicki he's my favorite thing about Idol, which is actually kind of depressing.

KilGrey
Mar 13, 2005

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow...



raditts posted:

In past years I could be bothered to at least watch the audition phase because I guess I'm the opposite of KilGrey and love watching people making asses of themselves overestimating their own talent, but I think I'm done with the season after watching half of the first episode. It's just so boring now, I couldn't find anything to root for or mock about the contestants and the judges barely have a personality between the four of them.

I don't mind the cocky assholes getting brought down a peg or two, but there are always a few people that you can tell are just kinda clueless and fragile and my heart kinda hurts for them.

Tedgewick
Oct 29, 2012


First goon contestant spotted.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


The bacon dream scene probably knocked several years off my life. Glad to see the returning Candice absolutely slaying it and holy crap Seretha's kid was gorgeous and she managed to perform the Fresh Prince theme song in a way that didn't make me want to die. I'm optimistic for the season, somehow.

KilGrey
Mar 13, 2005

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow...



Christopher Irvine posted:

I'm optimistic for the season, somehow.

Famous last words.

Then again I can't imagine it being worse than XFactor.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


KilGrey posted:

Then again I can't imagine it being worse than XFactor.

Nothing is worse than X-Factor US except maybe like Allen Gregory or Rachel vs Guy Celebrity Cook-off.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


Boy howdy are they putting through some mediocre singers tonight. Some of these people would have been told to come back next year as early as 2 seasons ago, but now they get through. Huh.

Vintersorg
Mar 3, 2004



He's really short, who gives a poo poo!

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

PAPA PEACHES! YES!

Most entertaining by a mile.

Also, interesting how everybody avoids the big gay elephant in the room.

Obeast
Aug 26, 2006
Õ_~ ANIME BABE LOVER 2000 ~_Õ

Am I crazy, or did that purple hair screamo girl audition before on here, X Factor, and/or America's Got Talent?

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

Obeast posted:

Am I crazy, or did that purple hair screamo girl audition before on here, X Factor, and/or America's Got Talent?

Yep! Same one! The hair colour changes, though.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


So uhm the Star Spangled Banner girl I think that's the first golden ticket I've seen issued out of fear.

Rudoku
Jun 15, 2003

Damn I need a drink...

Welp . Steven Tyler in drag.

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

The ventriloquist is legitimately talented on all fronts! And she YODELS! She's like a female Terry Fator.

I don't get the weird discomfort around her, though.

Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at Feb 1, 2013 around 04:31

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


Rudoku posted:

Welp . Steven Tyler in drag.

Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode.

Tartarus Sauce posted:

I don't get the weird discomfort around her, though.

I think there's an assumption that mental illness comes part and parcel with an active pursuit of ventriloquism. I try not to judge though, she seems nice.

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

Christopher Irvine posted:

Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode.

I think there's an assumption that mental illness comes part and parcel with an active pursuit of ventriloquism. I try not to judge though, she seems nice.

And yet, Zonette set off absolutely no alarm bells.

Like I said, weird. Why is ventriloquism considered the red flag for crazy?

At least the judges had the sense to raise an eyebrow at Miss GOD-TOLD-ME-TO-AUDITION. Her snarly response after the fact was equally creepy and disconcerting.

Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at Feb 1, 2013 around 16:23

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


There's also the fact that she was outright terrible. I hate that they gave her segment like 10 minutes. Oh well, at least the auditions are over.

pressedbunny
May 31, 2007
Here comes my e/n post in which I express my 'concerns' regarding SF4. Read my posts and validate my existence. Also, DOA4.

Watching the God lady right now. How is this show allowed to get away with this shite? This is just an extended session of pointing and going "ha! Look at the freak! Look, she's such a fuckup! Look, look at her! HAHAHA!"

I know Idol and other shows have always done this to an extent, but this episode seems extravagantly bad for it.

Tartarus Sauce
Jan 16, 2006


friendship is magic
in a pony paradise
don't you judge me

Christopher Irvine posted:

There's also the fact that she was outright terrible. I hate that they gave her segment like 10 minutes. Oh well, at least the auditions are over.

Oh, it was awful. The insanity was just the icing on the cake, and it definitely did go on for too long.

Even if she'd been good (god forbid), GOD TOLD ME TO AUDITION is definitely a red flag in my book. Even when it doesn't mean someone's certifiably crazy, it at least indicates that they are arrogant and narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about whether they buy Grape Nuts or Cheerios and suchlike.

Tartarus Sauce fucked around with this message at Feb 2, 2013 around 00:57

Tedgewick
Oct 29, 2012


Tartarus Sauce posted:

Even if she'd been good (god forbid), GOD TOLD ME TO AUDITION is definitely a red flag in my book. Even when it doesn't mean someone's certifiably crazy, it at least indicates that they are arrogant and narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about whether they buy Grape Nuts or Cheerios and suchlike.

Well, to be honest, anyone that prays for anything is narcissistic enough to think God gives a poo poo about their SAT scores, dying aunt Helen or the crew of a stricken fishing boat.

SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


I can't remember which recapper said it (I think Grantland) but it was suggested Zoanette was clearly high. I rolled my eyes initially but on a rewatch, yeah she's more wasted than Johnny Keyser. She should be a real treat in Hollywood!

KilGrey
Mar 13, 2005

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? Just put your lips together and blow...



Christopher Irvine posted:

Between that, Zoanette, and the heartwarmingly mediocre CF kid I just don't even know what the gently caress was going on this episode.

I couldn't believe that CF kid was 16. He looked like he was 12 at most. Does CF cause you to not go through puberty?

And Zoanette...why? Do they think they can't create a big enough train wreck in Hollywood week without her? I feel bad for whoever has to be her roommate.

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SHUPS 4 DETH
Mar 19, 2009

This poster so whack,
his first name should be
Nick Nack Paddy.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP!


KilGrey posted:

I feel bad for whoever has to be her roommate.

Pity the girls she possibly ends up on a group with in Hollywood Week.

After these two hours I am coming away with the impression that the male talent pool is incredibly shallow with maybe 4-6 standouts standing VERY tall above the rest. At least it's only an hour tomorrow. Hopefully the female singers will be more remarkable next week. I'm of two minds about assigned groups: one, brilliant. Two, manipulative, but that's to be expected with Idol. Overall though it's the best way to manufacture drama besides leaving them to their own devices and feels more like real life and not the world's most obnoxious high school. Separating the guys from the girls may have been a mistake because this all sort of blurred together during the second hour.

Worst moment of the night was all 4 of Team Payphone moving on despite universally forgetting the words and insufferable caterwauling. Honorable mention to Johnny Keyser's "nightless sleep" leading to an inexplicable pass despite mushmouthed lyrics. Nicki's overemphasis on performance is starting to grate on me, but that could just be me being an old fuddy-duddy who still thinks singing shows should be about singing. She remains the best thing about the show despite this.

Best of the night was definitely the three-man team with Charlie Askew. Runner up to Adam Sanders mugging in the background of the drama on Team Oz.

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