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Most recent owl log: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3461085 So life punched me in the face and I fell off for awhile, but I'm back. Well, I never stopped exercising but my routine mirrored the chaos and disorganization of my mind in the past half year. I haven't made any significant strength gains nor losses in fat. Even with the weekly binge drinking that accompanies periods of self loathing, I managed to maintain my relatively fit physique, which is probably the best I could have hoped for given my situation, but still  Now, however, I am feeling back to my old fighting self and I am ready to put in all my effort. I have made zero progress when It comes to brain problems. A 3 lb water weight fluctuation on a bad day is enough to send me into a cycle of mildly considering self injury until I remember that healing wounds get in the way of workout recovery and then I sob and bite my finger and see if I can force out an ounce of pee so I will weigh less. So what can I do now? Hopefully organize and plan in such a way that I will know the 3-5 lb bloat is DEFINITELY NOT MY FAULT. This includes: 1) Nutrition: I will keep a detailed nutrition log, preparing more food in advance and avoiding nutritionally empty foods other than the occasional, planned "treat" meal. I will hold out for what I really want instead of slamming things into my face. I will move on with grace if I ever have to eat off of my meal plan and I will not enter self destructive cycles of mindless eating and/or excessive alcohol consumption. I will not wallow or engage in negative self-talk. 2) Training: I will settle on a systematic and organized approach but I will not be too inflexible. If I need to deload I will. I will make sure to train at a high level of intensity but I will not obsessively tack on extra sets of volume or pointless cardio. I will have the humility to realize when a certain weight is out of my reach and the foresight to set goals for the future. 3) Recovery: I will recover hard and dirty. I will not let my sleep get disrupted by anxiety or late night partying unless planned in advance. I will foam roll and stretch. 4) Mind/Spirit: I refuse to engage in negative, self-destructive thoughts. I will realize that certain things may make me emotional when it comes to my body image but I won't let it destroy me. I will engage in healing activities that include but are not limited to meditation, yoga, writing, reading motivational poo poo, baking/cooking (healthy) and generally enjoying life and cultivating self acceptance and growth. Okay time for pics, weight measurements: chest: 35 in waist: 28.5in belly: 30.5 in hips: 36.5 in upper arm: 11in thigh: 19.5 calf: 15.5 height: 63.5" Current weight fluctuates between 130 and 135 Fun muscle pics:   Progressy style pics to come this weekend when I track down a higher quality camera and a good photographer Current program: 5/3/1 LOG SURPRISE!!!! Goals: Improved body composition including a 1" reduction in waist and belly measurements by Spring break/March 11th. I would like my weight to fluctuate between 125 and 130 rather than what it does now. I also would like to see continued gains in strength and muscle. Ultimate goal is RADICAL SELF ACCEPTANCE and decreased anxiety regarding my body image. Other relevant information: 1) I am taking a really awesome Exercise Phys. class that I think will enhance my nutrition and training programming. First lecture: eat a carb! Really 2) I am writing an undergrad thesis on the sustainable food movement as a mechanism of social change in urban places in America. Super awesome but will require superior stress management 3) I have a new training buddy which should be conducive to strength gains especially in bench! Vicious Owl fucked around with this message at Jan 29, 2013 around 02:05 |
| # ? Jan 17, 2013 15:28 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 18:44 |
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You are so drat strong and beautiful. Really hope that this log helps you really accept that! Glad to see you back lady, looking forward to those strong lifts. 
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 16:36 |
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Please get huge.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:32 |
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wasianchickn posted:Please get huge.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:33 |
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Yay, you're back! You look amazing, and drat, those arms! I look forward to your goal progression, and also hope your other issues fall into place where they need to be for you.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:37 |
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I lurked your old log a teensy bit over Pooter's shoulder. Very excited to have a chance to lurk your new log. You are so strong, so fit and beautiful. Wow. So glad I get to have you for inspiration while I'm trying to gain strength and re-comp! Voodoo Doll fucked around with this message at Jan 30, 2013 around 03:02 |
| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:39 |
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Wooooo VO is back! Looking strong and lean lady.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:39 |
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I bet you could deadlift me. That's kinda hot. Get strong, get bold, and know that you are awesome, and we all love you! 
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 17:42 |
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Voodoo Doll posted:I lurked your old log a teensy bit over Pooter's shoulder. Very excited to have a chance to lurk your new log. You are so strong, so fit and beautiful. Wow. ... And I hate to say this as my first comment to you, but have you gotten any therapy for those self-hurt thoughts? It's really not OK to think that way and I'm so glad you know that and are determined to overcome it, but that's very difficult to do on your own (and while we have some very supportive, wonderful goons up in here, we can only help so much from a distance). Wrote my OP BEFORE reading the mental health rules, so now I realize I should not refer to self harm in a joking manner. Yes I do have these thoughts pervasively but I haven't succumbed to anything than occasional bouts of self destructive drinking which seemed to have been triggered by periods of high stress. Don't worry I am in therapy so I will hold him (my therapist) accountable for all of my problems lolz jk I am working on it. We have even discussed the possibility of complete sobriety. But anyway enough from that side of the spectrum and I will try not to say anything further to alarm anyone.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:08 |
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No alarm done.  Looking forward to more lady-swole ITT!
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:21 |
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wasianchickn posted:Please get huge.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:28 |
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Dang lady, I had no idea you were dealing with that kind of brainstuff. Best of luck to you and I look forward to seeing you achieve your goals!
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:29 |
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You look amazing and are a big inspiration to me. I'm looking forward to reading your new log. e: As someone who used to have a lot of brain problems, I totally understand and realize that it isn't easy. I have the utmost faith in you and I want you to be happy! I am always here to talk if you want a listening/supportive ear. You know where to find me!
Susical fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2013 around 20:33 |
| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:29 |
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wasianchickn posted:Please get huge.
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:30 |
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wasianchickn posted:Please get huge. Glad to see you back!
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:34 |
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Its lovely that your mental state got so bad, for whatever reason it did, but you always seemed motivated and driven before, so I'm sure you'll smash your goals. Kick some rear end!
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| # ? Jan 17, 2013 20:34 |
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Thanks for the support everyone! When I think back on my times of highest self esteem and confidence its when I was keeping a log and actively pursuing goals. My issue and obsession with weight was pretty much banished at that time so I believe I can reach that awesome mind-state again in time with continued logging. Workout: shoulder warmups and external rotations Overhead Press: barx12 65x5 85x5/6/8 Coached my training buddy on how to do standing press. He got it almost immediately and I think he'll see some awesome gains once he gets more efficient at it. He had been doing seated press but I think standing press is generally more useful as a compound/strength exercise. Barbell curls 45x5 55x5 60x3/4 Dumbbell Press 25x8 30x11 35x9 40x6 lateral raises, preacher curls, cable curls etc...weight on these is not significant 20 min jog yay! Diet log: Breakfast: Greek yogurt, 1/3 c steel cut oats, sprinkling of granola, honey, and flax protein+coffee Snack: chocolate quest bar Lunch: 1/3 granola, 1 cup ancient grains milk, 1/3 cup of shredded wheat, one harboiled egg, more flax Post workout: can of V8 juice, one hardboiled egg Emergency snack: protein cookie thing I bought at work Dinner: 5 oz. sea bass, cabbage, dollop of Greek yogurt, brown rice
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:04 |
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hi, i just wanted to ask you if you are natural? thanks, sally.
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:13 |
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wasianchickn posted:Please get huge. You've also been a big inspiration to me. Excited to follow this log 
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:32 |
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Defiant Sally posted:hi, i just wanted to ask you if you are natural? First you're welcome yes sally I am 100% natural I owe this rock hard grainy bod to Jazzercise and special K bars. your friend, VO
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:47 |
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OMG VO is back, yay! Your log was always one of the most inspirational logs to read. Start posting some insane squat numbers again soon please. Also echoing goondolences about sadbrains. It sucks, but you seem to be a really strong (in many senses of the word) person so I'm sure you'll get through it.
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:51 |
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I'm glad you're back and coming out fighting. Punch 2013 in the face.
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| # ? Jan 18, 2013 03:56 |
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Workout yesterday: Morning Jazzercise-yes, really Squats: barx12 135x5 155x5 175x5 Deadlifts 135x5 185x4 205x3 215x3 Ugh, my left knee and hip feels like poo poo don't really know what this is about, maybe a bit of tendonitis? Food Stuff: Protein and coffee half of protein bar lunch: 2/3 c oats, 4oz ancient grains milk, 1/2 banana, flax, 1/2 serving of Greek yogurt 2 walnuts snack: 3 crackers, 1.5 T peanut butter, .5 serving pretzels Pre-workout: 1 apple Post workout: .5 serving Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie, small handful of cheerios Dinner: 3/4 cup pasta, marinara sauce, tomatoes, mozzarella, Parmesan, one slice of garlic toast Dessert: Greek yogurt and sprinkling of granola Today I'm going to a wedding which will be served in courses. Gonna watch dem carbs.
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| # ? Jan 19, 2013 17:34 |
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hahaha I just realized I forgot to select an icon. I guess its because it took me about a week of waffling around and closing and re-opening before I finally posted the OP oh well. Felt verrry under the weather yesterday so I ended up just going for a long walk and combining chest and back into one day. Today. elliptical 15 min Barbell row barx12 95x8x5 Bench barx5 95x5 115x5-felt crappy 115x8 115x11-finally picked up some steam! chins 8/8/8 Incline Press barx12 85x12/9/10 20 min jog Overall a pretty crap day but I am just recovering from being sick or something so its better than nothing. Food: Greek yogurt mini piec of toast with jam 1/4 oat bran, 1/4 c oats, 1 c "ancient grains" milk, 1 tsp peanit butter, 1 tsp almond butter cup of some italian bean and pasta (small amount) soup with a pita bread 1/2 quest bar, 1 V8 juice, 1 larabar 1/2 c brown rice, small amount of pork, brussel sprouts I feel full as heck from all the fiberrrrr
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| # ? Jan 23, 2013 02:56 |
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you look cool and i can't wait to welcome you to the wonderful world of straight edge
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| # ? Jan 23, 2013 03:11 |
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Oh my goodness, your ARMS!!!  You are gorgeous and a great inspiration, and I'm so happy that you're sorting out all of the badness to return to awesomeness!
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| # ? Jan 23, 2013 04:19 |
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NCentralPositronics posted:Oh my goodness, your ARMS!!! Awwwwh thanks! I am finally getting arms after 4 years! Now it looks like I lift a weight. david carmichael posted:you look cool and i can't wait to welcome you to the wonderful world of straight edge Eating nutrient dense, non-alcohol carbs like a responsible adult all the way to Wednesday. Weekly goal met. Exercise: very light calisthenics/stretching in gymnastics class Breakfast- 12oz coffee with 1/4 c milk, steel cut oats with a few chunks of apfle, Greek yogurt snack-.5 apple and flax seeds, 6 oz black coffee Lunch-Brussels sprouts with honey and sriracha, a little bit of pork, brown rice, other half of apple snack-Quest bar (banana walnut variety) Dinner-roasted yellow pepper soup, .5 serving Greek yogurt, 1 slice whole wheat toast, .5 avocado dessert-.5 serving Arctic zero chocolate mint flavor, small amount of regular icecream (about 2 tablespoons), sprinkling of walnuts Learn today: Fat burns in a carbohydrate flame!!! bwahahaha oxaloacetate bitches. Eat A Carb.
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| # ? Jan 24, 2013 03:09 |
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I'll eat a carb when I can tear out their hearts and make them bleed.
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| # ? Jan 24, 2013 03:30 |
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Thursday-1/24 Press: barx12 65x5 85x3 90x3 95x4 Barbell curls: barx8 55x5/6/5 dumbbell Press 30x10/8/8 Dumbbell Curl 20x12/10/8 Felt a little sick still Food: Breakfast: 1/2 Noosa brand yogurt with 1 serving steel cut oats, coconut, walnuts, hemp milk snack: Belvita crackers Lunch: Tomato mozzarella pesto past salad Snack:coconut cream pie larabar-eh not great Dinner: Barley soup and egg whites Friday-1/25 Morning Jazxzercise Afternoon- Squats: barx12 135x5 155x5 185x5 Deadlifts: 135x3 185x3 225x3/2/1 Goodmornings: 45x12 65x5 85x8x2 Food: Breakfast: Greek yogurt, steel cut oats snack: blueberry larabar Lunch: potato soup, thai vegetables and white rice Snack: 1 oz cheese with .5 serving pretzels 2 German hardcandies small SF redbull Dinner: 1 spicy shrimp sushi roll .5 of a margherita flatbread Dessert: 1.5 servings Ritter sport chocolate, gummy bears, and .5 larabar
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| # ? Jan 27, 2013 18:17 |
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Vicious Owl posted:Most recent owl log: Great log and intro. You go and punch life in the face right back!
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| # ? Jan 27, 2013 18:32 |
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Requesting bicep flexing pic after pump.
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| # ? Jan 27, 2013 19:28 |
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swalk posted:Requesting bicep flexing pic after pump.  So the program just wasn't working. Now I'm doing 5/3/1. Surprise!! Squats barx12 115x5 135x5 150x10 Accessory Squats: 100x10x3 Split squats: barx5 85x5x4 10 kb swings super set with 20 step ups x4 Food stuff: Breakfast: Pancake made from 1 whole egg, 3 egg whites, 6 oz alterna-milk, 1/3 c of oat bran plus some oats, 1/2 mashed banana. Made 2 pancakes (smeared some Greek yogurt on one and ate, smeared almond butter on the other and took with), one small orange, 2 c coffee Lunch: 8 shrimps on dry salad of spinach and carrots with lemon Snack: V8 juice with other half of aforementioned pancake and one small orange Snack2: Blueberry larabar Dinner:Spaghetti squash, one half an avocadoooooo, 4 shrimps, sprinkling of parm and 1 tsp of Kerrygold butter, lime juice
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| # ? Jan 29, 2013 02:03 |
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Yaaaay, I totally lurked your old log/s, so I'm pumped for this one. I support your quest for RADICAL SELF ACCEPTANCE, because self love = best love.
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| # ? Jan 29, 2013 02:48 |
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Bench Press: barx45 75x5 90x5 100x15 115x5x4 Superset tricep press down 3x10 push ups 15/12/12 Cardio 20 min Foooood: breakfast: Greek yogurt, steel cut oats, sprinkling of granola Lunch: 2 eggs, spinach, 1 oz cheese, minitoast with almond butter and jelly snack: 1/3rd cup dry granola, 2 hard candies PWO: scoop of whey "almond thins" 1 oz walnuts and 1 graham cracker Dinner: 3 egg white,1 T cream cheese, tomato, and spinach scramble, small piece of toast with 1 tsp of cream cheese and 1 tsp jelly
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| # ? Jan 30, 2013 02:17 |
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............you did 45 reps of the bar?!
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| # ? Jan 30, 2013 02:24 |
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Susical posted:............you did 45 reps of the bar?! lol...ummmmmm yep! I stand by that log entry.
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| # ? Jan 30, 2013 02:32 |
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Wow! I saw "45" and was like oh she did the bar, ok... but then I looked back and saw "bar" written up there! drat!
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| # ? Jan 30, 2013 02:33 |
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I like everything about this log and gl!
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| # ? Jan 30, 2013 21:10 |
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Awwh tanks  Food yesterday: breakfast: 1 "Chobani Champs" Greek yogurt, 1 serving steel cut outs, generous dollop of plain Greek yogurt, flax, 2 walnuts coffee with coconut oil Lunch: 1 c spaghetti squash, 1 small tomato, 8 oz V8 juice Snack: Apple, lemon Quest bar Dinner: Tried Jamaican food first time! I got jerk tofu, rice, cabbage, plantain, and "coco bread" tried a bit of ginger coconut candy then my date wanted icecream so I ate a bit of his coffee icecream with coconut and graham cracker crumbs Food today: breakfast: inhaled some oats, greek yogurt, and walnuts and flax snack: apple pie Queest bar lunch: spaghetti squash, peas, tomato, V9 juice, cottage cheese, 1 serving pretzel goldfish snack PWO: another quest bar can't remember what flavor, a bit of whey powder (maybe 16-20gs), like a fourth of an apple dinner: "carb balanch" read: gross tortilla, canned refried beans, a bit of cheese with salsa, Greek yogurt and queso (about 1 T) and about 3-4 oz milk WOAH that is a very dairy heavy day. I am having one of my odd meat-phobic phases so I am trying to ride it out. Not sure if it will be semi-permanent this time or what. Training today Deadlifts 135x5 165x5 185x10-said I was going to keep the volume to a minimum...welp...erm 215x2x3 barbell rows 95x5 105x5x2 pikes, ball abs, all manner of abular stuff. I want to get a "strong core" or at least more control over my core muscles for gymnastics Jog 20 min incline walk 10 min Well I am a huge dork but I am actually starting to get super excited for Jazzercise every Friday yay!!
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| # ? Feb 1, 2013 04:05 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 18:44 |
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Don't feel bad, I get wicked pumped for Zumba! Haha. It's like my guilty pleasure, so fun. What's the deal with the meat?
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| # ? Feb 1, 2013 04:31 |
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