Come visit the luxurious Something Awful HQ in Pleasant Hill, MO!

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Come visit the luxurious Something Awful HQ in Pleasant Hill, MO!

Donnerberg: Dec 15, 2008

Retail Slave posted:

All of this was just an elaborate trap for Lowtax to lure in his next victim. The poor goon is probably roasting in the oven right now covered in carrots, potatoes, and exotic spices.

I'm telling!

You can't eat goon, it'll kill you!

# ? Jan 18, 2013 15:48

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2013 19:13

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; I HATE JOKES!

Donnerberg posted:

You can't eat goon, it'll kill you!

To be fair, it was only 29% goon.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 15:51

Ronco Showtime: Apr 30, 2004; You'd probably expect to spend...

I'm going to come to your house, not wipe my feet outside and chug ALL your milk.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:02

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; Can't post for 6 days!

Whatever is in the box made Sal lose his mind.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:04

Cryptic Edge: Aug 4, 2006; by Y Kant Ozma Post

I demand proof said box existed, the contents of said box need to be on display.

This whole thing stinks of being an elaborate hoax like the moon landing, Chemtrails, global warming and Hitler.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:17

Lowtax: Nov 16, 1999; It's all in the ~~eyes~~ TEETH

his name was Sal

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:21

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; What did you do, Ray?

Lowtax posted:

his name was Sal

What is it now?

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:24

AKA Pseudonym: May 16, 2004; A dashing and sophisticated young man

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

What is it now?

John Doe

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:27

Costello Jello: Oct 24, 2003; It had to start somewhere

spoon0042 posted:

I have to wonder if people come in expecting... I don't know, the world's worst thrift store?

What the....why do you have a storefront office, Lowtax?

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:31

T. Finninho: Aug 27, 2004; Likes: Katanas, Corea, Entertainment Centre, Couch, Yellow, Bald

click my av for a fun surprise

Lowtax posted:

his name was Sal

What did he win

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:33

fosborb: Dec 15, 2006

T. Mascis posted:

What did he win

Garbage can though his window.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:37

Xarthor: Nov 11, 2003; Is Your Printer Out
of Ink or Toner?
Check out my
Thread in SA-Mart!

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

What is it now?

Robert Paulson

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:37

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; I HATE JOKES!

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

What is it now?

Captain Awful. The box contained a costume, a magic grenade, and a three-picture deal with Universal.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:44

Knightmare: Aug 23, 2004; Show us what you got, what you got

It's a conspiracy, Sal paid Lowtax $1000 to make this thread and pretend to win a box so he could become GBS famous. The worst way to spend $1000.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:46

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

When will you have your revenge agaisnt Michael for his slander?

quote:

Something awful indeed‎ - Michael Higgenbacher‎ - Jun 27, 2009
I am not sure what the purpose of this business is. I have been living in Pleasant Hill for over 25 years and I always check out the new businesses in town when they crop up from time to time, say hello and god bless and see what they are all about, etc. When I entered Something awful the walls were half painted, there were no chairs or coat racks, the establishment smelled like half eaten chinese food and there were no employees in sight, even though the sign said "open". I knock on the counter and shouted "hello" into the back room and i was approached by a surly, oafish man who called himself Rick and asked me if I was here about advertising. I said no sir I was just a resident stopping in to welcome you to the neighborhood and asked Rick if he was in the business of advertising. It was at that time that he called me a "retard" and said that if i didn't know what Something awful was about I had no business with him and should "get the **** out". Needless to say I did without another word and will not be returning. STRONGLY advise all comers to avoid this place of business! � Hide

2 out of 2 people found this review helpful. Was this review helpful? Yes - No

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:50

Cryptic Edge: Aug 4, 2006; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Knightmare posted:

It's a conspiracy, Sal paid Lowtax $1000 to make this thread and pretend to win a box so he could become GBS famous. The worst way to spend $1000.

Boxgate 2013. We demand a full congressional investigation!

# ? Jan 18, 2013 16:58

demonachizer: Aug 7, 2004

Nckdictator posted:

When will you have your revenge agaisnt Michael for his slander?

If that is a real review from a member of the public then that is so great.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:00

Teddles: Sep 2, 2011

Nckdictator posted:

When will you have your revenge agaisnt Michael for his slander?

The box contained a gun and directions to Michael's house.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:00

Cryptic Edge: Aug 4, 2006; by Y Kant Ozma Post

demonachizer posted:

If that is a real review from a member of the public then that is so great.

Seriously... Where did that review come from?

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:01

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

Cryptic Edge posted:

Seriously... Where did that review come from?

It used to be on the Google maps/places page for SA in Pleasent Hill, but the SA page seems to have vanished.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:04

britishbornandbread: Jul 8, 2000; Romantic and Square is Hip and Aware!

i demand answers

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:06

uG: Apr 23, 2003; Whoa, where am I?

It's not very nice to call someone retarded (not on the Internet)

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:06

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; Can't post for 6 days!

Michael tried to warn you, Sal. He STRONGLY advised you against your follies.

(that review is amazing)

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:10

Cryptic Edge: Aug 4, 2006; by Y Kant Ozma Post

Nckdictator posted:

It used to be on the Google maps/places page for SA in Pleasent Hill, but the SA page seems to have vanished.

That Page needs to be recreated, and we should strive for the worst location review on the Internet. That means beating people who come by and don't mention the secret code word or something, threatening to call the cops on everyone, and just utterly trying to destroy any sense of being a business people should try to do business with. Only then will we be truly something awful.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:10

Fistgrrl: Dec 30, 2000; Queen of Cuddlenaps

Moridin920 posted:

Good. Ze Germans had no issues with the flights;

I just landed in Frankfurt for my connecting flight, I'm landing in DC and then it's on to Montana. I'll check in again in around 10 hours, losers.

You should hitchhike from Montana to Missouri.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:11

limaCAT: Dec 22, 2007; Not currently available in the BROUHAHA store

Knightmare posted:

The worst way to spend $1000.

At least he didn't spend it on the kickstarter for a videogame.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:11

Hogburto: Sep 26, 2005; BASELESS ACCUSATIONS

Remember when VR was a thing in movies and sometimes it would leak out into the real world (during lightning storms)? Well, this is it.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:12

EBT: Oct 29, 2005; Edible Bondage Tape. It's real. Look it up. I'd know. I'm a scientist

T. Mascis posted:

What did he win

A box of wine and GHB it sounds like.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:16

Bob A Feet: Aug 10, 2005; This long range missle couldn't possibly....COULD IT?

can this be turned into a name change thread PLEASE

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:18

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; tighten up tone down tuen thuen

Fistgrrl posted:

You should hitchhike from Montana to Missouri.

I would've liked to see Montana...

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:19

Pochoclo: Feb 4, 2008; I like bread

I went to the address provided and there was naught but the downtrodden remains of a gigantic stone pillar, apparently carven out of a single cyclopean block of damp, black basalt. The feel of the stone was uncomfortable, and there came from the nearby fissures in the bedrock the pungent stench of death made substance. I know I gagged quite loud, but the echoes that came from the darkness below were as the unwholesome gargling of a drowning spectre, all too eager to gorge itself on the blood of the living.
I departed the scene of this madness, and in my protracted jaunt I found on a small shrine set atop the hood of an old rusty Buick, a blood-soaked iPhone. The circle of candles around it had melted long ago - how long ago, though? Years? Decades? Millennia?

There is no life in this place. No sound. No sun. But there's also no night. Just an eternal featureless grey. Where am I? What is th

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:22

M3wThr33: Sep 4, 2004; I gave up long ago trying to contribute anything ever.

Sal had the decency to post from online, but not pictures when he got home? What happened?

Looks like some days you CAN get rid of a bomb.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:23

Uluru: Feb 21, 2007; Who dares to defy me?! I am Uluru the invincible!

M3wThr33 posted:

Sal had the decency to post from online, but not pictures when he got home? What happened?

Turns out Lowtax was the first person there so Sal had to go home empty handed.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:25

Doctor Butts: May 21, 2002; AFC NORTH PITY FUCK

I'm going to start a franchise of Something Awful stores around here but its just going to be a cleverly named dollar store.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:31

Blast of Confetti: Apr 21, 2008

So basically a goon just got stalked and murdered for stumbling on a laundering business for the mob?

RIP Goon.

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:33

limaCAT: Dec 22, 2007; Not currently available in the BROUHAHA store

Pochoclo posted:

I went to the address provided and there was naught but the downtrodden remains of a gigantic stone pillar, apparently carven out of a single cyclopean block of damp, black basalt. The feel of the stone was uncomfortable, and there came from the nearby fissures in the bedrock the pungent stench of death made substance. I know I gagged quite loud, but the echoes that came from the darkness below were as the unwholesome gargling of a drowning spectre, all too eager to gorge itself on the blood of the living.
I departed the scene of this madness, and in my protracted jaunt I found on a small shrine set atop the hood of an old rusty Buick, a blood-soaked iPhone. The circle of candles around it had melted long ago - how long ago, though? Years? Decades? Millennia?

There is no life in this place. No sound. No sun. But there's also no night. Just an eternal featureless grey. Where am I? What is th

> take stone
> go east

# ? Jan 18, 2013 17:33