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I'm 23 in a week. I'm straight, white, male, and gainfully employed at a great job I love. So this isn't a thread with an entertaining trainwreck story, I'm relatively well-off. I just need that missing something. I graduated college last year. In the four years I went to two different schools I never once managed to wrangle together enough like-minded people for any kind of party and now that I'm out I've lost contact with everyone who remained in the Thousand Oaks area. So when I mope that "I have no friends" it's not entirely me being melodramatic. I have co-workers, and I have people I play Dungeons and Dragons with (that sounds goony as gently caress but its important). No friends, no peers my age. I'm in a large suburb about an hour north of Los Angeles in Ventura County. The Facebook group "D&D and RPG players of Ventura County" is where I get all my non-work social contact from. The game, by its nature, requires interaction with people, but I'm starting to think that I'd much rather have friends that I play a game with, as opposed to random Internet strangers I see twice a month for my game. I still live with my parents. My dad is home about half the time I'm ther, my mom overworka herself to the point I'm afraid to ask her anything, and my grandpa is 88 and basically a dead man walking. I've been diagnosed as autism-spectrum but that's not really how I identify anymore; I went to an "aspie" meetup and I was the most normal person there. I do get pedantic if I don't watch myself when I talk about my interests: video games, musicals, sci fi/fantasy fiction, and D&D. I suspect I might need to get laid. I've had one girlfriend, a brief two-month non-sexual fling in 2009, with a girl a year older. She went back to school and I haven't made out since, I did go on an extremely awkward Valentine's date with a girl from school in 2012 though. I'm about 30 lbs overweight right now but like a lot of people, I can never find time for the gym, and I do have an issue binge eating when I get stressed/bored. I guess I'm saying a lot of things that trouble me, but I'm not sure which one is making me feel so alone. Any ideas?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 22:53 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 22:37 |
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Captain Walker posted:I'm about 30 lbs overweight right now but like a lot of people, I can never find time for the gym, and I do have an issue binge eating when I get stressed/bored. But you have time for Dungeons and Dragons?  It's not that you don't have time, it's that it's not a priority.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 22:59 |
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Why are you still living with your parents if you are "relatively well off?"
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:02 |
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CountingCrows posted:Why are you still living with your parents if you are "relatively well off?" Not financially. The parents are upper-middle-class but the driving thing ensures I can't move out, and because of my history of pissing away all my money on video games and porn, they don't actually let me control my own money and every discussion about it is a huge fight. vacation in kabul posted:But you have time for Dungeons and Dragons? Too loving right. Good point. Be easier if I had a car; I can never be sure my mom will drop everything and take me and be ready when I'm done.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:06 |
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vacation in kabul posted:But you have time for Dungeons and Dragons? He only does DnD twice a month you dingus. Also, you don't need a gym to get in shape. There are body weight exercises you can do and running is almost always possible.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:06 |
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Well, I go to the gym zero times a month so he's right to say that it's not a priority for me. My weekends are usually empty if they don't have D&D scheduled. E: failed to mention, I don't have a drivers license. I have a car (grandpa's Mercury) but I'm not actually able to drive it. Going in for a test tomorrow and that might change but I don't expect to be able to use the freeway right away.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:07 |
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Do your co-workers ever ask you out for social things? Do you go?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:08 |
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Move out to your own place, get a non-D&D hobby and/or volunteer somewhere. You're a geek, volunteer as a docent at a museum, you'll like that. If you don't make friends doing that, find another volunteering/hobby thingy. You can find time for the gym. Do it. If you don't have the willower to make yourself do something that's actually physically enjoyable-- and yeah, it sucks at first, but you get a goddamn endorphin high off of it-- then you're not going to have the willpower to do much. Get over to You Look Like poo poo and start a log. You can do it. Entropy is all that's in your way. You going to let entropy call you a little bitch? Huh? Are you? That's what I thought. Get out there, soldier! Take that hill! Wolverines!  Obdicut fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:11 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:09 |
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Do you have a dog? Walking around your neighborhood like 45 minutes to an hour and a half a day would make a huge difference. Can you ride a bike to work?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:09 |
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CongoJack posted:He only does DnD twice a month you dingus. So? Prioritize. Captain Walker posted:Too loving right. Good point. Be easier if I had a car; I can never be sure my mom will drop everything and take me and be ready when I'm done. You can't walk anywhere? Not a single place? You can't run or walk around your home or do body weight exercises? The bolded part, even if that's what you're thinking, take a step back and word it differently because you are 23 years old. \/ \/ Maybe but not necessarily. They might just think you have other interests. GreenCard78 fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:14 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:10 |
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CountingCrows posted:Do your co-workers ever ask you out for social things? Do you go? They've never asked, is that a Bad Sign?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:11 |
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Captain Walker posted:They've never asked, is that a Bad Sign? Depends. I've had coworkers I got along great with but we very, very, very rarely socialized outside of work, because we saw plenty of each other at work. Have you asked any of them to socialize? Maybe you're all in the same boat, and if you roll a D20 on the table at the end of work everyone will whip out their character sheets and then BAM you're the dungeon master. Still I'd go with moving out, going to the gym, and volunteering/hobby stuff, though.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:13 |
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How is it even possible for your parents to control your money?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:14 |
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My neighborhood is actually a great place to walk. It's very hilly and this is about the best place I could be for cardio on non-gym days, Unfortunately the flip side is it's hard to get around when I'm not in sneakers (tender feet) and I can't ride a bike, like at all.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:16 |
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Dr. Strangelove posted:How is it even possible for your parents to control your money? Wow I missed that bit. I'm guessing he has a shared bank account with them and they make him direct deposit his paychecks into it. Or he just silently signs the money over every week. Anyway, that poo poo won't fly. If your parents are holding your money no way are you going to be able to party in the manner to which you will become accustomed, and very few women are going to find that an attractive quality, and by very few I mean none or god if they did what would be wrong with them I don't even want to think about it.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:17 |
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Dr. Strangelove posted:How is it even possible for your parents to control your money? This. If you make your own money, and it goes in your own bank account, what say do your parents have in it? Beyond, "hey where's rent and the gas money you owe me" or whatever, how is that a thing?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:19 |
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Dr. Strangelove posted:How is it even possible for your parents to control your money? Jesus, this is hard to write. My job at Universal Studios came with its own credit union where my savings are. Said savings amount to about $1600. They are ONLY accessible through the bank which is an hour's drive and I can't do it myself/I don't know my online banking username. I do have a closer bank with about $350 but that's still the other side of town. I have more checks that my mom's holding for me and I don't know how much those are worth. ...I'm looking into apartments now. E: I do have a $100/mo allowance but all purchases have to be pre-approved
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:19 |
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What's the long term plan here? Are your parents planning to just manage your life for you until you're thirty?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:19 |
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Captain Walker posted:Jesus, this is hard to write. My job at Universal Studios came with its own credit union where my savings are. Said savings amount to about $1600. They are ONLY accessible through the bank which is an hour's drive and I can't do it myself/I don't know my online banking username. I do have a closer bank with about $350 but that's still the other side of town. I have more checks that my mom's holding for me and I don't know how much those are worth. It's okay dude, it's fine to be in a weird and screwed up situation as long as you are making forward progress out of it and you are. Seriously, if you did act totally irresponsibly with money I can see your parents doing this and not being weirdos but I'm sure it's not something they want to be doing (unless they are freaks, in which case see subsection A) so it's time to come up with your I'm A Big Boy Now speech and reclaim that manhood money. Subsection A: If your parents actually like controlling your poo poo, you're going to have to get sneaky about this. You can't steal what's already yours, so just get the checks and deposit them. Laugh while you do so, it'll feel good. And change to direct deposit. And move out to somewhere with public transportation or learn to drive. Edit: And everyone can learn to ride a bike unless you have an inner ear disorder. I know a two hundred fifty pound guy with asthma that rides a fixie, the hipster douche.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:22 |
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Ohthehugemanatee posted:What's the long term plan here? Are your parents planning to just manage your life for you until you're thirty? Effectively yes. I have student loans to pay off and that has been my sole financial responsibility. If I move out there's suddenly rent, utilities, groceries, gas...I wasn't gonna move far but I can't imagine that $12/hr, 40 hrs a week, will cover all that. Then again I'm probably too insulated for my own good.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:24 |
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Captain Walker posted:They don't actually let me control my own money and every discussion about it is a huge fight. Even if you don't know how to ride a bike, it isn't that hard. I actually learned as an adult a couple years ago, it is tough to get going but once you learn it's done. I would look for a place to rent bikes near you, I was lucky to have a friend who was willing to lend me a bike/teach me. EDIT: You seem to make a lot of excuses. You don't know your online banking login? That is a pretty solvable problem with a single phone call. Do it tomorrow and report back or you're in trouble mister. Jeffrey fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:30 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:25 |
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Captain Walker posted:Unfortunately the flip side is it's hard to get around when I'm not in sneakers (tender feet) and I can't ride a bike, like at all. If you can't figure out the basic solution to this, I think it's a good thing your parents are managing your life! You should make friends though. Join a club or volunteer.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:26 |
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Captain Walker posted:Effectively yes. I have student loans to pay off and that has been my sole financial responsibility. If I move out there's suddenly rent, utilities, groceries, gas...I wasn't gonna move far but I can't imagine that $12/hr, 40 hrs a week, will cover all that. Then again I'm probably too insulated for my own good. You get roommates, or you get a lovely studio like the rest of us did and fight with your awful landlord, but it's still better than your parents controlling your money. You'll actually probably need to save up for awhile to pay for deposit, but this is a good thing. Tell your parents you want to be in control of your money, and then prove your worthiness by actually saving the money for the deposit.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:27 |
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As an American you will basically be a prisoner in your home until you start driving, or move somewhere with first world infrastructure. You know why why so many kids start driving like the day they are 16? Freedom. You will have no freedom in your life until you start it drive, it's a hosed up situation but it's the situation you are in. Learn to drive, and learn to do online banking, and then move out.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:27 |
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It's weird that your parents hang on to your money for you, but it's almost more weird that you were spending so much money on porn and video games that they felt the need to stop you. Are they ridiculously over-bearing or were you honestly spending all your money on porn and video games? Because the fact that you spent any money on porn at all is kind of weird, given your age and apparent familiarity with the Internet. Can you break it down for us in actual dollar amounts, how much you would spend on porn and how much on video games, out of how much you made? Because if you were making like $400/wk, and spending it all on porn and games, then that might be an even bigger obstacle to living well than having your parents manage your money for you.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:27 |
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Ohthehugemanatee posted:What's the long term plan here? Are your parents planning to just manage your life for you until you're thirty? You say that as if you think they ever want to stop micromanaging this dudes life. Call your bank from a home telephone or mobile, get them to change your log in details and then log in and see how much your parents have left you with. Because I am slightly worried that you may find it a bit in debt. And as someone who lives in a room that I am paying 700 dollars for that is so small I can touch both walls if I stretch my arms out, I still feel that it would be better for you to move out as fast as humanely possible. Josef bugman fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:30 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:28 |
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I'll just come right out and say it: Living with your parents, not being able to drive, having no friends, and not being in control of your own finances doesn't sound like a great life at all. To answer your question what's wrong with you is that you're lying to yourself
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:28 |
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CountingCrows posted:If you can't figure out the basic solution to this, I think it's a good thing your parents are managing your life! . I don't own a bike or a scooter, if that is what you're suggesting, I mean its not like I can't just get off my fat rear end and walk. I can and I will (thanks to this threads inspiration). But not to and from work, in my work shoes it's VERY difficult.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:29 |
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Captain Walker posted:I don't own a bike or a scooter, if that is what you're suggesting, I mean its not like I can't just get off my fat rear end and walk. I can and I will (thanks to this threads inspiration). But not to and from work, in my work shoes it's VERY difficult. Take your sneakers with you in a bag! CountingCrows fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:31 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:29 |
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^^^ yeah seriously. A pair of tennis shoes or cons take up like no room. Shove 'em in your backpack, change in like 30 seconds after work. This is pretty basic. You can learn to drive dude. e/n helped kicked my rear end into getting my license this last summer. I'm 22, it's really not too late. vvv I'm not trying to say he can't be independent without a license. I just meant it in a, "I got my license late too, don't worry" kind of way. It's his banking situation that worries me the most. Starter Wiggin fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:34 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:30 |
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Starter Wiggin posted:You can learn to drive dude. e/n helped kicked my rear end into getting my license this last summer. I'm 22, it's really not too late. I don't drive and I haven't lived with parents past the age of eighteen. Yeah, at one point it was a hassle, but I sure as poo poo didn't want to keep living with my parents. On the other hand, I didn't have an expensive porn habit so I was able to throw down cash for a cab when the dogs were barking.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:31 |
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Captain Walker posted:Unfortunately the flip side is it's hard to get around when I'm not in sneakers (tender feet) Oh your poor feet.  Dude, you have got to be kidding. You are 23 years old. There are people with no feet that walk and don't complain or make excuses like you do. Tomorrow, go to a loving bank and open an account on your lunch break at work. Then go to work and give them the new account info. Following work, tell e/n you did a good job.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:35 |
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Safe and Secure! posted:It's weird that your parents hang on to your money for you, but it's almost more weird that you were spending so much money on porn and video games that they felt the need to stop you. Are they ridiculously over-bearing or were you honestly spending all your money on porn and video games? This was in 2010, not long after we moved down here. I had access to my savings account and I moved about $400 out of there over a period of about two weeks. Probably $120 to porn, $80 to expensive snacks from the food court I didn't need (and I wonder why I'm overweight) and the rest on games. Mom is very adamantly anti-sex: no porn, no girls upstairs, I don't doubt she'd stop me masturbating entirely if she could. Did I spend too much? God yes. I was hoping the fact that I've not had such a lapse since I got my job at Universal would prove I'd improved. I don't spend money on games or porn at all anymore. E: job doesn't do DD, and wow, how goddamn petulant do I sound about my feet. Should mention the sneakers are size 17 so they're not exactly small...but the answer to that's a bigger messenger bag.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:35 |
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Why the gently caress would you buy porn? It's 2013.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:36 |
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Oh man just move out of your parents' house. You're 23 you shouldn't be hoping that your parents see that your ability to stop yourself from buying videogames and pornography has improved. edit: in case it wasn't clear in my other post, your "great life" sounds awful Aralan fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:40 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:37 |
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diospadre posted:Why the gently caress would you buy porn? It's 2013. I wasnt going to say anyhting but 120 dollars for porn in the year of our lord 2010 is insane
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:37 |
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Why don't you ask one of your Dungeon and Dragons friends to go see a movie or something? Is there someone there you'd think would be cool to hang out with on the weekend? Ask them to go see The Hobbit.
CountingCrows fucked around with this message at Jan 21, 2013 around 23:40 |
| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:37 |
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How did they even know you spent it on porn? Like did you give your mom your bills or something?
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:41 |
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Baronjutter posted:How did they even know you spent it on porn? Like did you give your mom your bills or something? You can't lie to Mother. That would be Wrong. This is getting a li'l creepy.
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:45 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 22:37 |
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So if your work won't do DD, then they mail you the checks, right? So you open the mail with your name on it. Then you walk to the bank near you, open an account, deposit the check and then do that every (2?) weeks. The end. Re: porn; yeah how the hell does your mom know how much you spent on porn? Is it dinner conversation? "Ahh yes, I found the most glorious BBW pay site today mother. I spent 35 dollars. Please take note."
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| # ? Jan 21, 2013 23:45 |
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