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Hey, thanks for the support! My brother and I were always big fans of the movie reviews too, so we're thrilled to be able to bring the column back. Also, thanks for the movie suggestions! We've got a pretty long backlog of terrible, terrible films already, but we still love to hear about new ones. "The Eliminators" looks like it's right up our alley, I already feel like I could watch THE MAN-DROID stuttering around and shooting lasers all day long. Davoren posted:Reading that review of Movie 43 made me feel sort of depressed, god knows what actually watching it would do. Based on what I've read about Movie 43 it could have plausibly been reviewed in either column, so this is an understandable mistake.
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Jan 30, 2013 21:47
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Rahonavis posted:New review up, and it's for a movie I've actually seen. I can confirm that it really does play out like that. It made me seriously wonder if somehow a "Kid learns his parents are spies and needs to rescue them" script, a "Kid goes to Romania and stumbles upon a secret realm of magical beings threatened by a witch" script, and a "Kid learns that he is a magical being himself and must use his new found powers to save the universe" script got blended together at the studio haphazardly. I am shocked and amazed that someone other than the two of us has actually seen Shapeshifter, let me tell you. It definitely gives the impression of a movie written by two writers fighting over the same notebook, doesn't it? There's actually a whole little series of insane Canadian-Romanian family movies, I'm sure we'll end up reviewing some of the other ones: http://www.imdb.com/company/co0071087/?ref_=tt_dt_co I've seen Teenage Space Vampires and that one is definitely on our radar, even if it's not quite up to the mind-melting insanity of Shapeshifter. Improbable Lobster posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-reviews/starship-invasions-lee.php Thanks! I can't help but wonder exactly how many minutes of completely stone-silent acting it took for Christopher Lee to realize taking this role was a terrible, terrible idea. Starship Invasions was one of those movies that's completely ridiculous in premise but painful to watch as a whole, like Corpse-Grinders 2. But you haven't lived until you've seen a robot back-rub a man to death while a '70s cop movie theme blares in the background.
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Feb 28, 2013 05:15
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Onomarchus posted:Do you take suggestions here? You could hardly do better (i.e. worse) than A Talking Cat!?!. We love to hear suggestions, but we do have a pretty sizable list already so don't be disappointed if it takes us a little while to get around to your favorite. That being said, I have never heard of this movie but it already scares the hell out of me. The lowest levels of bad-movie hell are filled with kids' movies. Although it does seem that A Talking Cat!?! was successful enough to warrant a sequel, but I'm not sure if that's a good sign or a bad sign.
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Mar 22, 2013 22:55
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Buffalo squeeze posted:Isn't that basically Order of the Black Eagle? That's what I remember from the review. Order of the Black Eagle is a hodgepodge of many things, but it is severely lacking in the MANDROID department. Although the villain of The Eliminators does seem to live in the same run-down Mayan jungle ruins that the Nazis from OotBE did, as far as we can tell. I guess the rent there is pretty cheap compared to a hollowed-out island volcano.
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Apr 26, 2013 21:21
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Hip-Hoptimus Rhyme posted:Undefeatable review is out and I can't believe they didn't they didn't have a video or a post a link to the final fight, since it absolutely needs to be watched We sort of felt like we captured the spirit of the fight in gif form, but you're right that it's hard to appreciate without witnessing in full, so we added the link, thanks! I hope this one was as much fun to read as it was to write, because we had a blast. This has to be one of the most giffable movies ever made. 
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Jun 19, 2013 17:09
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Fresh from the salt mines of Fistula VIII or some such, this week we're gritting our teeth and enduring the final entry in the Recon saga! Here's a little taste of things to come: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaUk_Rl5AcA If there's one thing that clip proves, it's that Recon 2023 is terrible. But if there are two things it proves, the second is that the flame wipe is the most underappreciated of all transitions.
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Jul 9, 2013 07:54
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Epitome of Macho posted:I just saw VGHS and I've got to say, you didn't lay into the acting as much as you could have. Granted, there was a lot of bad acting to pick from, and both BrianD and the Law were great examples of it, but Ted Wong (Johnny Wong? I don't know anymore) is bad enough to be considered a crime against humanity. You're right about this, we sort of got focused into a sort of burning hatred tunnel-vision with BrianD, because he's consistently on-screen and consistently painful (truly, he is destined to become the Shia LeBeouf of acting.) But there were some moments from the side characters, particularly the Wongs' brother-brother-father-son interactions which are at least as weird to watch as they probably were to act out. Android Blues posted:I'm not a fan of that show or anything, but this one felt like it was kind of reaching. The clips you linked seemed like pretty standard comedy fare to me, there wasn't anything really egregious about them. We went back and forth on the clips in this one, and looking back I have to agree with you that we didn't pick the most egregious examples of bad acting/groan-worthy jokes/BrianD loving up, etc. (except for the "roflcopter" clip.) But trust me when I say it wasn't a reach for us to review this movie. If you don't believe us, feel free to go watch it for yourself, but don't say we didn't warn you.
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Aug 1, 2013 14:12
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 Who's ready for a racial/religious allegory, sudden-onset male pregnancy, and Dennis Quaid's luxurious hobo beard?
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Aug 21, 2013 06:45
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meat gnome posted:A little puzzled by this movie being here. Everything else I've seen reviewed is embarrassing poo poo that most people haven't heard of. This movie had a real director and cast, actual script, budget, special effects etc. As we admitted in the review, Enemy Mine doesn't really fit in with our usual fare, but it's just such a bizarre spectacle of a movie that we couldn't resist. It's the weirdness more than anything that put it into our crosshairs. That being said, there are little things we could nitpick. Like the scene where Davidge and Jerry literally go from awake and screaming at each other to asleep holding each others' throats in about a minute. Or the whole time-wasting plot arc at the end where Davidge has to be killed by the space miners, resurrected, come back to miners' ship with no extra preparation and then saves his lizard-frog foster child. Short answer: someone coming to this movie fresh as an adult is probably going to be less forgiving about the little details. But anyone will probably have a blast watching it. We despise most of the films we review with a burning passion but we've always had a soft spot for Enemy Mine.
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Aug 22, 2013 16:36
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Little Mac posted:I like to imagine you guys watched ROTOR because of the write-up I did in PYF back in February. It's my favorite bad film ever. Thank you for hopefully bringing it to more people's attention. You, sir, have excellent taste in terrible movies. ROTOR has actually been on our radar since before we noticed the PYF thread, but we're glad you've been out there informing people of the glorious insanity too. Our movie-rating scale isn't exactly calibrated to scientific pinpoint precision, but if there's one thing that's sacred it's a perfect -50 score, and we knew halfway through watching ROTOR that it would join that elite category. There's just a certain aura of catastrophe around a -50 movie that makes it impossible to turn away from. Pretty much every scene has to be seen to be believed, that's why we went so video-heavy this week. Everyone should see ROTOR, preferably with a few friends and a couple of drinks.
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Sep 5, 2013 05:27
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/blood-shack/1/ Ha, we never made that connection, but I guess I can see it, what with the driving a pickup truck around and going on insane, incoherent rants everywhere he goes. We got more of a Torgo vibe from the caretaker, based on his undying devotion to the
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Nov 25, 2013 16:01
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So, has anyone out there seen any of the other three Deathstalker sequels? The first one was at least the watchable, gregariously stupid kind of bad movie, but that rarely survives into a sequel in my experience.
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Dec 3, 2013 18:39
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Professor Clumsy posted:Rik Mayall was a pretty big deal on the alternative comedy scene of the 80s and 90s, mostly for his double act with Adrian Edmondson as "The Dangerous Brothers." They would hit each other with things and fart, it was brilliant. That progressed into TV shows like The Young Ones, written chiefly by Ben Elton who is often credited as spearheading the alternative comedy movement, and Bottom, where Mayall and Edmondson would hit each other with things and fart. Now, Ben Elton tours his Godawful jukebox musical We Will Rock You: The Musical by Ben Elton and Queen, Adrian Edmondson plays a regular part in a terminably dull hospital-based soap opera and Rik Mayall advertises beer, presumably in an effort to make everyone drunk enough to forget he ever appeared in Merlin: The Return. I can't decide which I like more, your Rik Mayall facts or this observation from our YouTube channel: quote:The best thing about this movie is that Rik Mayall really grew his hair and beard for the part, so for about a year around the turn of the century he was always showing up on talk shows and the like looking like Odin.
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Jan 8, 2014 17:03
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Say Nothing posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/inhumanoid-grieco/ Obviously you've never heard of "Greico-Lupine wrestling", the classic sport where you attempt to resist the sexual advances of a nude Richard Greico in a werewolf mask. It really tones the entire body all at once, it's fantastic. So has anybody out there seen Dead Calm, the movie which IMDB tells us this is based on? From what I gather it's the same thing but on a regular boat and with (presumably) 100% less werewolves, androids, and lens flares.
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Apr 7, 2014 14:52
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Simian_Prime posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/rent-control-spiner/ We found this movie a few months ago and it's been known to both of us as RENT CON-TROL in that exact tone of voice ever since. Love it or hate it, it's definitely a catchy title song. (You will hate it years from now when it's still randomly playing in your head.)
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May 5, 2014 03:11
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Buffalo squeeze posted:http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/curse-kingtut-part1/1/ This pretty much sums up both part 1 and part 2, although we'll never stop laughing at the Pumaman scene. DoombatINC posted:I learned something new about myself today: I can instantly recognize Randal Malone from a forty square pixel web graphic Ha, we didn't even make the Randal Malone connection! I knew he looked vaguely familiar. Greasnin nailed it when he described him as "the real-life equivalent of Snagglepuss". And yet, he's pretty much the best actor in Black Knight Returns, which should tell you just how dire the rest of the acting is. We've got some good stuff coming up for you guys; get ready for the most cop cliches that can be squeezed into 80 minutes, Gary Busey chewing all the scenery in an abandoned old-West town, Wesley Snipes starring and executive producing in a movie about how great Wesley Snipes is, and yes, even the triumphant return of the Polonia brothers! Also, we're definitely doing another Japan movie madness feature down the line, so if you know of any not-to-be-missed terrible Japanese movies, let us know.
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Jun 10, 2014 16:02
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Who's ready for us to dip back into the fish-in-a-barrel world of cartoon movies? See if you can spot the tiger becoming a giraffe spontaneously: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbCp-cm6E Spolier alert: Haha we can't spoil this movie, I just showed you the ending and you still have no hope of figuring anything out.
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Jul 19, 2014 01:51
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DoombatINC posted:You speak as though they only made trash I shed a single tear as I watched this, so yep, it's definitely art. Say Nothing posted:I think a series of reviews of all the Barbarian Brother's movies would be appreciated. This seems like the obvious first choice, but on the other hand, "Double Trouble" has David Carradine, Roddy McDowall, and (of all people) James Doohan. Also just look at the movie poster:  I think it's safe to say that we'll be reviewing the Barbarian Brothers again in the near future. But this week, we've got something else in store for you guys: a '70s horror movie which gave us instant flashbacks to The Severed Arm (http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/severedarm/1/) and that put us up to our eyeballs in, well, fake eyeballs.
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Oct 19, 2014 19:16
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DoombatINC posted:
That's a solidly terrible rat suit and all, but on the other hand, having CGI rats this terrible:  in a movie full of real actual rats is pretty dumb too.
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Nov 10, 2014 05:56
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We can still barely believe that In Search of the Titanic is actually real, and watching it only made that feeling stronger. Trying to condense it down into any kind of plot summary just makes it funnier.DoombatINC posted:I finally got to catch up on the Awful Movie Awards. They made me want to watch Merlin and the Book of Beasts, a sentiment shared by no one, ever. Book of Beasts is unintentionally a blast, and everyone should watch it. We don't know what the hell James Callis was thinking or smoking but we guarantee you'll never witness anything remotely like whatever he did to and all over that movie.
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Feb 3, 2015 23:45
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CowOnCrack posted:On behalf of my intensely hypocritical brethren I apologize for the experience you had from this movie. No apology necessary, we're here to suffer for your entertainment after all. But we appreciate that people of all religions can come together and realize that this movie was terrible. We've done quite a few Christian evangelical movies lately, not because we're trying to wage a holy war but more because there seems to be a virulent outbreak of them on Netflix lately, and they're almost universally terrible. Even so, mostly these movies are just bad in the ordinary sense (we're looking at you, Left Behinds.) But God's Not Dead really had an extra dose of smug superiority and hatefulness that really made us despise every minute of watching it. We had a whole Madness worth of movies ready to go, but GND was just so awful that we had to devote a full review to it. This movie should grate on anyone with half a brain.
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May 12, 2015 14:10
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2DCAT posted:This review: Glad to be of service! Finding out about totally insane movies we'd never have even heard of otherwise was one of our favorite parts of the SA movie reviews long before we took over, so I'm glad we can carry on the tradition. Speaking of which, for sheer bad-movie insanity I have to recommend http://www.somethingawful.com/movie-reviews/exterminator-city/1/ - Greasnin's review is hilarious, too. We actually have another German zombie movie in the pipeline, but it can't compare with Zombie 90. I don't think we'll ever find anything like that again.
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Jul 25, 2015 05:15
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The Joe Man posted:enjoy: Oh my God, this is glorious. I can't believe we overlooked this gem last time you suggested it to us, this is going right to the top of our list.
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Jul 17, 2016 02:03
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