|
eu·phe·mism [yoo-fuh-miz-uhm] noun 1.the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt. ____ We all use them right? And they can be applied to anything. I've picked up a few over the years that for one reason or another have lodged themselves into my vocabulary. For example: Female breasts = Yabbos Penis = Schwantz Stupid person = Maroon Large amount = Fuckton Very hot outside = a-hundred-and-gently caress-degrees And so forth. Post your favorites
|
| # ? Jan 26, 2013 22:09 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2013 17:30 |
|
|
Meatstick Clam Slammer Boner Hog Stiffy Man Rod Trouser Snake Third Leg Schvontz Cock Junk Dilz Dick Beanpole Hymen Hammer Meat Thermometer Pecker Beard Splitter One Eyed Monster Beaver Buster Captain Winky Flesh Bat Cervix Raider Choad Tonsil Tickler Colon Crusader Wang Rod Hooded Warrior Jizz Pipe Tallywacker Prostate Examiner Upright Organ Wizard's Staff Zipper Monster
|
| # ? Jan 26, 2013 23:23 |
|
|
I've always been a fan of AC/DC's "Let me cut your cake with my knife."
|
| # ? Jan 26, 2013 23:28 |
|
|
My friend's phrase for "take a poo poo": drown the clown. Mine is more of a dysphemism, making it sound even worse: free the slaves. I also enjoy "feed the cat" for "have sex."
|
| # ? Jan 26, 2013 23:49 |
|
|
Tongue punch the fart box.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 05:35 |
|
|
Guy Fleegman posted:
I guess you started this thread to find new ones, because these are all terrible.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 05:42 |
|
|
Horse fucker.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 05:48 |
|
|
The only euphemism for masturbation anyone needs is "firing the surgeon general."
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 05:52 |
|
|
Gently caress.Guy Fleegman posted:eu·phe·mism [yoo-fuh-miz-uhm] Chupe Raho Aurat posted:Horse fucker. Hot drat Chupe, if you're using "horse fucker" as a mild substitute for an offensive expression I hate to think what it's replacing.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 05:59 |
|
|
Strand secretion
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 06:02 |
|
|
Whenever I have to re-position my junk I refer to it as "rotating my tires"
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 06:59 |
|
|
"The technicolour yawn" for vomiting. "Roughing up the suspect" for jerking off.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 07:02 |
|
|
Boxman posted:The only euphemism for masturbation anyone needs is "firing the surgeon general." Truth. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS5LWS5m5h4
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 07:13 |
|
|
fart box poop shoot corn hole pleasure palace man cave goat hole fudge factory butt trumpet the shakespearean stage door guypussy poo poo cannon brown baby maker prostate protector flesh tube gross gulch opera house naughty noisemaker Montezuma's throne German toymaker Kirk Johnson's medium diarrhea dispenser boner pit cleveland black hole bunghole money maker arse Oh man just thought of another one: Poz Point. Francostein fucked around with this message at Jan 27, 2013 around 07:59 |
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 07:56 |
|
|
Crawley Heat posted:I guess you started this thread to find new ones, because these are all terrible. That statement has an approximate fuckton of wrong in it.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 08:09 |
|
|
Summoning Neptunes kiss - when you drop a massive poo poo and the splashback hits your ringpiece. Visiting the arab - going for a dump (Mustafa poo poo) Seeing a man about a donkey - going for a piss Smashing the granny out of - brutally loving (I smashed the granny out of that tart the other night) Painters are in, better use the tradesmans entrance - This girl is on her period, I must take her anally. Surfing the crimson tide - on her period (see also: on the rag, blobbing) Jam rag - sanitary towel stinkyhole plug - tampon
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 10:29 |
|
|
"Cattle prod the oyster ditch with the lap-rocket" and basically everything in this song, and especially "dude piston". "Tired and emotional" - pissed. "Discussing Ugandan affairs" - loving. quote:salmon handcuffs n. Pink handcuffs. Invisible restraints that keep a gentleman from seeing any of his friends. The metaphorical restraints with which a pussy- whipped gentlemen is shackled. ''This is quite rum do, Jeeves', I exclaimed. 'I've met Piggy for cocktails every Friday for ten years. Where the pip can he be?' 'If I may be so bold,' intoned Jeeves in that way of his, 'he has recently taken up with a soubrette from a London show, and I fear she has slapped the salmon handcuffs on the poor stinkyhole." (from 'What the gently caress, Jeeves?' by PG Wodehouse). http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 10:51 |
|
|
throbbing beef truncheon
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 11:00 |
|
|
Endangering Mr Percival 
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 11:07 |
|
|
NonTimetisMessor posted:Seeing a man about a donkey - going for a piss I once read on here years ago about a goon whose dad would excuse himself by saying "I need to see a man about taking a piss".
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 11:55 |
|
|
when it's cold my dad always says it's "witch's tits!" chick being hosed by two dudes is being "spit-roasted" Shuffle fucked around with this message at Jan 27, 2013 around 12:37 |
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 12:34 |
|
|
Pinching a loaf. Launching a sewer pickle. Schempter. (I think my Uncle John invented this one, but it gets a lot of use in our family.)
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 13:22 |
|
|
I've found its incredibly satisfying to call someone a "weenie", because it's such an out-of-left-field insult that the persons only real response is a shocked "I - I'm not a weenie!" It's especially fulfilling if the person actually is a weenie. For example; there was a special snowflake on my film course last year who kept an excel spreadsheet of every movie he'd "ever" seen, along with his personal rating of the film. Also sarcasm and passive-aggression where his go-to responses to any situation. Calling him a weenie and watching the shock hit him was liberating. Oh and instead of "For gently caress's sakes" I enjoy a simple "gently caress snakes"
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 13:51 |
|
|
Poison the well--use the bathroom This started as a prank my Dad played on a friend. He told Dave that he had a secret spring in the house, one that was always full of water. Being gullible and trusting, Dave followed my Dad to the bathroom, where my Dad said, "And if I catch anyone poisoning my well, they'd better watch out!" Poodle bombs--dog turds It's a function--the whole situation is a complete clusterfuck Quality time--doing something horrendously unpleasant, like cleaning a septic tank
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 13:51 |
|
|
Torka posted:"The technicolour yawn" for vomiting. Round trip meal ticket. Paint the carpet. Calling Ralph on the big white phone. Toss your waffles. Cough your cookies. Sell Buicks. Gorf your goulash.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 16:42 |
|
|
Throbbing bratwurst: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=166fQKDiR4I
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 16:43 |
|
|
Riding the bologna pony
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 20:05 |
|
|
For masturbation, "burping the worm"
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 20:42 |
|
|
"Kidney puncher" and "vomiting milkman" for penis.
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 21:07 |
|
|
For vomiting, I always liked "Drive the porcelain bus". "Calling Ralph on the porcelain telephone" is a slight variation on the above "big white phone" that likewise tickles me. "Chunder" is great, too, although I'm not quite sure if it's properly an euphamism. Seeing as I'm a mattress salesman, I can't not mention "The Posturepedic Polka" as one for sex. In fact Sealy mention it themselves in training films! (Actually a clip from one of several films wherein the Posturepedic brand is name-dropped, making a fun five-minute excercise demonstrating brand recognition.) Edit: something made me remember a phrase I heard from an old OTR truck driver, he got up from the table and stated his intentions to urinate by saying: "I'm gonna go take my glans in hands and make my bladder gladder!". Of course his name is Earl and he sounds like every voice you ever heard coming out of a CB radio ever, which only made it better. Red_October_7000 fucked around with this message at Jan 27, 2013 around 21:46 |
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 21:41 |
|
|
What the blood-clot (replacement for what the gently caress)
|
| # ? Jan 27, 2013 23:04 |
|
|
Is a euphemism truly euphemistic when it is intrinsically more offensive than the act you're referring to? A kidney puncher or meat curtains is more vulgar than "penis" or "vagina." My favorite actual euphemism is from the late Middle Ages: "to try for a bishop" meant to for women to be riding cowgirl. I guess they thought women in a superior position meant...I dunno, some bullshit about humors.
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 00:35 |
|
|
boopbos
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 01:01 |
|
|
Holy muffins. Sweet poo poo in the morning! Anything from this article.
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 02:08 |
|
|
making the bald man puke = wanking relaxing in a gentlemanly way = also wanking, but perhaps with the assistance of a jazz mag borrie = poo poo bush borrie = having a poo poo out in the woods and I'll add to the poo poo euphemisms with some added racism that my dad used to use: Dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 02:19 |
|
|
Drown the slippery otter Harpoon the salty longshoreman Verb the adjective noun
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 02:25 |
|
|
Guy Fleegman posted:Female breasts = Yabbos Oh come on, everyone knows the best one is "bazoombas".
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 02:32 |
|
|
Milking the ell Shaveig the sausage Flogging the one eyed snake Making the bald man cry (Why yes, I do watch TV)
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 05:02 |
|
|
BrigadierSensible posted:making the bald man puke = wanking Some were on the wall of the dining hall toilets at my university; "Just finished taking the Browns to the Superbowl" (Cleveland's football team is called The Browns. Uni was hundreds of miles from Cleveland.) "...Freeing the chocolate hostages." Are the only two, besides the Cosby Kids one, I recall. Speaking of toilets, 17th century euphemism/slang for the toilet was "House of Office". Because you did "paperwork" there. Yup, that one is that old.
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 05:05 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2013 17:30 |
|
|
Courtesy of dad: "Son of a seahorse!" "God...bless America!"
|
| # ? Jan 28, 2013 05:40 |
|
