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Deki
May 12, 2008

You cannot do it. You cannot kiss the girl.


dalstrs posted:

To be fair to Sard, he has survived one coup attempt.

Wait, really? When was this?

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JamezBfod
Jun 13, 2003

there may be people who
find a blender sexy - I
would do well with a more
humanoid model, myself


I believe when Sal went nuts and broke the forums. Something about a fat wife? Either way he came back acting very oddly and Sard had the foresight to back up the forums.

That's why he's the boss.

dalstrs
Mar 11, 2004

At least this way my kill will have some use

JamezBfod posted:

I believe when Sal went nuts and broke the forums. Something about a fat wife? Either way he came back acting very oddly and Sard had the foresight to back up the forums.

That's why he's the boss.

And no one else wants the job.

Ajaxify
May 5, 2009


Use my goddamn referral link and I will tech deal you so hard after this war. I will also answer all your questions and let you be in my cool squad for cool people.

http://www.cybernations.net/default...eferrer=Ajaxify

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


Ajaxify posted:

Use my goddamn referral link and I will tech deal you so hard after this war. I will also answer all your questions and let you be in my cool squad for cool people.

http://www.cybernations.net/default...eferrer=Ajaxify

Do not listen to this man. Go to Umar, Umar is the light.

nippythefish
Nov 20, 2007


AtomikKrab posted:

Do not listen to this man. Go to Umar, Umar is the light.

Improper. Despite Umar being the last remaining respectable goon amongst the remaining few, one must not pursue profit for one and not another. Goons is Goons.

Wolfy
Jul 13, 2009


I signed up under Umar because that looked like the most direct route for getting dongs to Hamas.

dalstrs
Mar 11, 2004

At least this way my kill will have some use

nippythefish posted:

Improper. Despite Umar being the last remaining respectable goon amongst the remaining few, one must not pursue profit for one and not another. Goons is Goons.

I am respectable, I demand respect!

Ajaxify
May 5, 2009


AtomikKrab posted:

Do not listen to this man. Go to Umar, Umar is the light.

Is this how it's going to be? Get the gently caress out of my channel then you bastard.

nippythefish
Nov 20, 2007


dalstrs posted:

I am respectable, I demand respect!



Give the boy a kewpie doll.

Hajj Podge
Aug 4, 2009



My honor level is really low resulting in my Strategic Defense Initiative failing to block incoming nukes. If only I had the same kind of honor rating as Schattenmann.

Do Not Fear Jazz
Feb 1, 2005

Embrace it


nippythefish posted:

Improper. Despite Umar being the last remaining respectable goon amongst the remaining few, one must not pursue profit for one and not another. Goons is Goons.

There's like 5 "ok" goons.

Using nukes on < 10k nations is hilarious.

Hazdoc
Nov 8, 2012

Muscovy Ducks are a large tropical breed, famous for their lean and extremely flavorful meat.

Hazduck!

~SMcD

Why do my nukes always get blocked and my opponents never do?

2 incoming nukes blocked in nearly 14 days of war, but my war buddies have had around 10-12 of their outgoing blocked. At least we have plenty of nukes to go around. It's almost like the RNG is having pity on ODN. That will not do, I require some orange juice, though I seem to be getting more TLR targets instead.

Its a shame we aren't fighting GOONS, I'd love to send angry messages to you guys so you can post them on here. Like how you smell bad and should go get a life or something. I dunno, is that too cliched?

Have fun you guys, but I'm sure you already were.

Pladdicus
Aug 13, 2010


In as Pladdicus, posting here as proof for me to use later

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


Ajaxify posted:

Is this how it's going to be? Get the gently caress out of my channel then you bastard.

Nope, I literally said it to bump the thread... and cause havoc.

rcman50166
Mar 23, 2010



Guys, guys, the people who play this game are pretty dumb. You can see your odds of winning a battle before you do it. This guy either didn't check or wants to give me money.



Cost of 603 soldiers? $3376.80
I made a profit off this pubbie attacking me. AND, he did it twice.

RC Cola
Aug 1, 2011

I PITY THE PUCK!



It's funny that EQ thinks that they're winning when there are more than a few alliances on their side who just want to leave out completely already.

Cryptic Edge
Aug 4, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Do Not Fear Jazz
Feb 1, 2005

Embrace it


I wish he wouldn't have censored it, then you could report him and get him banned, that is the funniest part of CN.

SMLJ
Sep 7, 2010


Do Not Fear Jazz posted:

I wish he wouldn't have censored it, then you could report him and get him banned, that is the funniest part of CN.

I'm pretty sure the game automatically filters them out. You can still report him I think.

Cryptic Edge
Aug 4, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Do Not Fear Jazz posted:

I wish he wouldn't have censored it, then you could report him and get him banned, that is the funniest part of CN.
I'm sure the game censored it automatically. Still sent a report anyway.

Sardonik
Jul 1, 2005



There is a certain beauty in this message's simplicity.

Cryptic Edge
Aug 4, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Sardonik posted:

There is a certain beauty in this message's simplicity.

I know, it was straight to the point.

I only asked him if he had any other friends I could crush since my war with him ends tonight.

Edit here's the rest of my conversations with him:







War stats:

Cryptic Edge fucked around with this message at Feb 15, 2013 around 03:22

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


The Game Auto censors, but this is what we play for, their whining and TEARS.

JamezBfod
Jun 13, 2003

there may be people who
find a blender sexy - I
would do well with a more
humanoid model, myself


You have to love those numbers. That pie chart also looks surprisingly like Pac-Man with inverted colors. I take it you aren't in a nuclear bracket, though. Those really take the fun out of it.

Venusian Weasel
Nov 18, 2011





First we came for the true believers, and no one else spoke up because they were too busy laughing at the tears.

Venusian Weasel fucked around with this message at Feb 17, 2013 around 23:16

ChimpMasterFlash
May 4, 2009


quote:


pubs bringing in tears already.

Empire State
Dec 15, 2006

It was a mean old fireman, and a cruel old engineer.

I'd like to try this, submitted a verification form thingy on the cngoons forum. Hope there are still pubbies to make sad.

Do Not Fear Jazz
Feb 1, 2005

Embrace it


Empire State posted:

I'd like to try this, submitted a verification form thingy on the cngoons forum. Hope there are still pubbies to make sad.

Lots and lots.

The lower the ns, the more likely they are to be sad apparently.

Bleremiah
Jun 6, 2011


Alright, I've got the time to give this a shot. Signed up as West Korea and submitted my SA CN GOONS Application.

Sardonik
Jul 1, 2005



This is pretty much the epitome of our opponents:


In other news, we're now doing roughly double the amount of damage we're taking in our active wars, and we now have more offensive wars than defensive.

JamezBfod
Jun 13, 2003

there may be people who
find a blender sexy - I
would do well with a more
humanoid model, myself


Is spying still considered taboo? If so couldn't that admission be particularly damning?

Rey the Great
Dec 9, 2011


If he knew what he was doing, yes. I fought that guy earlier and I think he probably has access to public records at best.

He tried to peace several times but wouldn't surrender.

DarkSol
May 18, 2006

Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines.

Sardonik posted:

This is pretty much the epitome of our opponents:


In other news, we're now doing roughly double the amount of damage we're taking in our active wars, and we now have more offensive wars than defensive.

For all their raging about how GOONS is all about EZI and PZI and how they are the superior, moral high ground, this picture makes me laugh.

Do Not Fear Jazz
Feb 1, 2005

Embrace it


The EoG is evil!!!!

Hajj Podge
Aug 4, 2009



Let the tears keep flowing!

A former member of the Nuclear Proliferation League had surrendered to us recently and was violating the terms of his surrender almost immediately. A few goons members asked him what the gently caress was up and he responded with this:



So then I send him a message telling him he will be eating nukes for several weeks as soon as he exits peace mode for violating his surrender terms. And here's the result!



Bocephus
Apr 13, 2003

It's good to be the king...

I'm mainly a lurker here, but these CN wars stomp rear end for tears. I've already had some fool who called himself a general his alliance delete his account. I'm currently at war with the NADC High minsister for education (or something-I don't know, I just want to make him cry)

Look at these quality tears!

It starts off after I attack/insult his high commander title (he got lucky and I lost some attacks at the beginning):

quote:

To: DrBocephus From: Rotavele Date: 2/17/2013 2:54:35 PM

Subject: RE: OW!!!
Message: Get out of my trailer park.


Being a smartass, I reply:

quote:

To: Rotavele From: DrBocephus Date: 2/17/2013 7:20:28 PM

Subject: RE: OW!!!
Message: I'll park my airstream wherever I please! That thing has indoor plumbing as opposed to the 5 gallon Home Depot "Homer" bucket in yours!

If I only had odds better than 32% odds, I'd attack. I'm going to stay on defense as I think you and your fancy book learning is going to do me in, Mr. NADC High Secretary of Education, PhD, EdD, MD, esquire. "A country boy can survive" after all.

I sent 2 cruise missiles his way (so he thought I was serious about not attacking) and laid low-in the interim, I get a quad coordinated on IRC and utterly crush him. He mad:


quote:

To: DrBocephus From: Rotavele Date: 2/18/2013 12:12:33 AM

Subject: RE: Battle Report
Message: YOU MONSTER. GIVE ME BACK MY INFRA, IM REALLY UPSET RIGHT NOW. I HAVE HAD A HORRIBLE DAY, MY DOG DIED AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY UPSET. YOU ARE REALLY MAKING MY DAY BAD, I JUST WANTED TO HAVE A GODE DAY. I HAVE BEEN CRYING EVER SINCE UR ATTKS. I HAVE EVEN HAD THE LADY AT THE CHINESE SHOP WAX ME WRONG, MY NIPPLE HAIR WONT $%&*ING GO AWAY, ITS INVINCIBLE. IF YOU SEND ME PCE AND PLZ GIVE ME BCK MY MONEYS I WILL GIVE U MY BODY TO USE TO YUR PLSURE. PLZ DO THIS, I AM ONLY 13 AND I CN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT MY INFA. PLZ.

Ty,
Rotavele
Deputy Leader of Cool Alliance



Well, after reporting him to the mods for offering underage sex (he hit back with "I'm going to tell my mother" after I reported him), I gave him terms:

quote:

To: Rotavele From: DrBocephus Date: 2/18/2013 12:35:34 AM

Subject: Surrender options
Message: Mr. Deputy Education Minister of NADC Rotavele (or whatever-I guess you got demoted since your current plan hasn't worked out),

If you want to surrender, here's how you do it:

- Post your intent to surrender in the Surrender Thread: http://forums.cybernations.net/index.php?showtopic=213.
- Decommission all your war-related improvements.
- Leave your present AA and fly the GOONS PoW AA. You must remain on this AA for the duration of the greater conflict.
- Do not financially or militarily aid any combatants at war with GOONS or their allies for the duration of the greater conflict.
- Do not enter Peace Mode at any point after surrendering. You must remain in war mode at all times.

Do that and the punishment will cease. Otherwise, me and my buddies are all going to be having a grand old time at your place. BTW-You lost 8 spies (you're welcome-they were lazy and playing angry birds)

Tootles!


It's a good time-and there's nothing like crushing these pubbies with a coordinated quad attack. They take this poo poo way too seriously and really worry about their goddamn pixels. The drawback is when they're inevitably crushed, they tend to break and shut the tear well off (oh well, off to newer and greener pastures!).

If anyone wants to join the fun, this fool needs some "love." I'm the only goon on him, he's at 3.6k NS, but I spied him down to defcon 4: http://www.cybernations.net/nation_...ation_ID=515364

Hajj Podge
Aug 4, 2009



Rotavele is trying to troll you. He's like 18 if I remember right.

Rey the Great
Dec 9, 2011


There are tons of ages that Rotavele is supposed to be. I'm still not sure what gender he/she is.

E: but yeah, just bad trolling, not actual tears. Just as funny because that's genuinely what passes for hilarious on the other side, intentional misspellings and underage sex.

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Do Not Fear Jazz
Feb 1, 2005

Embrace it


The best part is Brehon, Emperor of NPO, had to reroll due to the war.

http://www.cybernations.net/nation_...ation_ID=520850

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