|
Stats Weight: 22 lbs. Height: 5'11" Age: 167 Sex: Skeleton Background My great Lord and Master Unkorag has granted me eternal unlife, but I have wasted it away on a turret in His lair. Years of standing motionless, waiting for a foolish adventurer to wander within range of my bow, have taken their toll. Now I'm shamefully skinny-fat and can barely lift a rusty sword. It's time to bulk up and become a real menace to the living! Current pic   Goals☠ Improve bone density ☠ Generate muscle and sinew ☠ Effectively use hammers and maces ☠ Fight endlessly, without getting winded, always rising by my own strength to continue my assault ☠ Punch through weak spots in dungeon walls in order to crush necks in my bony grip ☠ Bury myself in a pile of rubble and burst up through the stones to terrify passers-by ☠ Slowly rise out of the bracken waters, slime and kelp clinging to my frame, without stumbling ☠ Chatter my teeth in silent laughter within inches of a captive's face while they slowly lose their mind Daily Plan ⚔ Sword thrusts x666 ⚔ Move stones x666 ⚔ Crush stones with war hammer x666 ⚔ Climb spiral staircase to west turret x666 ⚔ Spar with Kyle ⚔ Push sarcophagus down Hall of Shadowed Winds x666 ⚔ Squats x666 Bonus pic of my kitties  
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 04:58 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2013 07:03 |
|
|
Take your vitamins and drink your ovaltine and you'll turn from a bag of bones to captain boner in no time at all.
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 15:37 |
|
|
 OP for one of the weakest workout routines I've seen in awhile, good luck making ANY progress with that
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 17:09 |
|
|
Can i suggest taking up wizardry or perhaps necromancy instead
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 18:57 |
|
|
Well, the first thing I'd suggest is maybe look into some more powerful enchantments than those currently responsible for knitting together your dry bones. I can barely see any magical sparks in those photos, and that's alarming. Can you even pull your components togther after missing a jump and scattering to the four winds?
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 20:39 |
|
|
no deadlifts, not a workout
|
| # ? Feb 1, 2013 23:24 |
|
|
deptstoremook posted:no deadlifts, not a workout In his state of unlife, deadlifts are redundant.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 00:15 |
|
|
nigga crab pollock posted:Can i suggest taking up wizardry or perhaps necromancy instead Even inscribing some mystic runes on your bod might help more than pathetic "strength training". Remember that the true battleground is the mind. Another great way to build mental buffness is with anime.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 01:57 |
|
|
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85cL1HisrNc
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 03:18 |
|
|
Ignore these negative Nancy's, you can do this! I too was once a pathetic wretch of a wretch. I was bested by the weakest of silver swords and from time to time, harvested for my soul. I was so weak that when I hit the weights for the first time, they went right through my hand! But then I took on the Insanity Workout and became a full blown wraith! Now, whenever the evil overlord needs somebody to slay the ambitious hero marching into his fort, he calls me. I even got this sick shirt to show I did the workout!  I earned it! When I wear this shirt, I boom with confidence and become the Wraith with all the wenches. I'm the most popular ghost in town!
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 03:46 |
|
|
those aren't kitties, failed toxx
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 06:18 |
|
|
Maybe you should take up smoking and get that red glowing eye look too!
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 06:51 |
|
|
Alright, OP, you are already catching some pretty bad advice here, and I think I need to nip it in the bud before it wrecks your workout plan completely. Sure, it'd be pretty bitching to become a Skeleton Wizard. Thing is, you'll never become a Skeleton Wizard by abandoning your strength-training. A skeleton wizard isn't some kind of wheezy, lungless, rattling bone-dork. A Skeleton Wizard isn't an asocial nerd who memorized some old poetry. A Skeleton Wizard is a manager. Being a Skeleton Wizard is about mastering your Skeletonness. It's about being a walking, chattering inspiration to new skeletons the world over. It's about pointing at any ol' pile of bones just lying there and inspiring it to make something of itself, right then and there. If you never went through all that, yourself, if you couldn't even inspire your own carcass to go from horrible to horrifying, you flat out won't be able to do it for anyone else. The other skeletons won't respect you, and neither will your dungeon's officers*. Before anyone else will respect you, you have to start by respecting yourself. To do that you have to stick to your regiment. Wizardry will come later. *Side note, here: Their opinions matter, but, seriously, don't be a toady. No point in kissing up to those jerks with their fancy pre-mortem degrees. You're not one of them and you never will be, so don't try to act like you are. You weren't in The Cult back when you were alive. Neither were most of your coworkers. Turn that into an advantage.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 10:09 |
|
|
op have you considered low carb
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 10:19 |
|
|
OP it looks like you have anorexia, have you tried eating a burger or something?
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 11:25 |
|
|
Don't discriminate against the pro-ana people, man. That was the best thinspiration I've seen in a while.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 11:32 |
|
|
Jumpingmanjim posted:OP it looks like you have anorexia, have you tried eating a burger or something? A burger? Only mortals eat burgers, unless you're referring to brain burgers (pro-tip: don't overcook or the brainmeat will become rancid), which only zombies and the occasional mohrg eat anyway. But the point is valid; you've said nothing about your nutrition or what sort of diet you're going to be on during your bulking up. And don't give us anything like "Oh but I don't need to eat!" Well if you want to bulk up you do! Animal souls are a handy source of nutrition to start off with. Maybe your kitties could help you catch some, even the most desolate undead wasteland still harbours life. Once you've gotten your undying spirit used to these simple low-carb souls, you might think about knocking it up a notch. Does your local area have a peasant village nearby? These are convenient because the mortal livestock there tend to blame each other if you decide to have a meal or two and aren't spotted. Just keep it on the down-low and sustainable. Hunting is a privilege in this day and age, so don't over-exploit it. Likewise, if you defeat an adventurer, you may be able to capture it alive. Extract its life force if you get this chance. The best part is, the less-nutritious "meat" portions are perfectly delicious to your ghoul friends. If you don't have ghoul friends, this will get you some, everyone needs ghoul friends! If your local area is rather sparse of both adventurers and peasants, you may think about Demon Deliveries or a similar service. They send a shadow demon around to deliver you a soul direct to your sarcophagus. However the service is rather expensive. Also sometimes the souls are in larval form which can give you corpse-gas if you've got a malabsorption issue.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 12:28 |
|
|
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement!  I know in my mind that a zero calorie intake isn't going to help me reach my goals, but it takes willpower to amble forth and devour the souls of mortals. I'm not sure if I could become a wizard, as I had no magical ability in life, but I'm definitely going to look into the rune thing.Does anyone have some suggestions for some sick runes or know a really great runist? Another thing - just want to clarify that I do *not* have any internal organs such as lungs or a G.I. tract. Thanks.
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 18:20 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 23, 2013 07:03 |
|
|
Are you able to gain strength from other peoples missery? My brother had the same problem you had, until he started gaining strength from missery... It is probably the best way to do it while not having to get tired. Alot of people says that it is dangerous and might turn you into a demon, but as long as you don't misuse you wont be affected in any negative way, there is safe ways to do it.. You will become more confident, get more energy and you will look like you've been sculpted from granite.  It's worth it  
|
| # ? Feb 2, 2013 19:27 |
|
