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I've been unable to sleep for the past 3 nights because I can't stop thinking about this. My girlfriend tells me that she never poops, but I don't believe her. Sometimes she takes a bath, so I thought she was pooping then, but when she comes out the water is draining and (judging by how long it takes me to poop), chronologically speaking, taking a deuce doesn't make sense in the time frame. I suppose she could be pooping when I leave, but sometimes I am in the house for several days straight and she doesn't use the bathroom. Sometimes I go in the bathroom and it smells funny, but typically she was only in there brushing her teeth or it was just the cat mulling around in the bathroom. When she pees she is done in a flat 15 seconds or faster. I also think this is weird. Could my girlfriend be a robot?
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| # ? Feb 3, 2013 16:44 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 07:57 |
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A robot is a possibility. Have you considered she's secretly a grey? Many have hypothesized these entities are actually androids created by the reptilians, to act as servants. Reports indicate they do not need to poop but do occasionally excrete a fluid that may be responsible for the flushing toilet. The teeth-brushing is likely an attempt conceal the signature smell of the grey.
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| # ? Feb 3, 2013 17:43 |
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Are you trying to get a girl poop?
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| # ? Feb 3, 2013 17:58 |
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Women don't actually poop. Once a month, they leak poop water out of their vaginas. This is what a period is.
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| # ? Feb 3, 2013 19:23 |
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I think the only way to answer this is to install some surveillance cameras in your bathroom. That way you can review the tapes and see just what she's up to in there. Of course, you probably won't have the free time to view them in their entirety, so you'll need to take lots of crystal meth so you can study the footage when she sleeps. edit: Does she actually sleep, OP? Have you ever witnessed it? This could be very important.
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| # ? Feb 3, 2013 21:14 |
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You know that thing girls do when they make you lick their feet and hit you and admit to them what a foot-sucking dirtlord you are? I think they excrete it out of their feet and are making us clean it up for them!!!
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 01:55 |
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Have you noticed her gaining an unusual amount of weight? This is important OP, she could be storing the poop inside of her.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 04:06 |
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TED BUNNDY posted:I think the only way to answer this is to install some surveillance cameras in your bathroom. That way you can review the tapes and see just what she's up to in there. Of course, you probably won't have the free time to view them in their entirety, so you'll need to take lots of crystal meth so you can study the footage when she sleeps. Due to a bad case of insomnia I frequently stay up way later than her. She typically uses the restroom once a night, but it is one of those 15 second jobs. She does sleep. Maybe she is storing her waste under the bed?
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 04:08 |
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I am hypothesizing that, for every person who says their girlfriend doesn't poop, my girlfriend is pooping on their behalf. Somehow, their collective poop must magic-travel into my girlfriend's colon, then she utterly annihilates my toilet, while charged with a sense of personal pride. There is no applied shame that will accept... there is no plunger which will deal with her poops.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 07:18 |
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OP's girlfriend is a real doll. Case closed. 
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 07:26 |
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As someone who has never had a girlfriend or even knew a girl in there 50+ years on this wonderful earth I would also like some real answers too this because maybe one day I can be prepared for when a girl friend sees the value of my good self and deicides to go out with me or have me court her or whatever people call it this days. I've heard things about leaving the toilet seat down though if goils don't poop then why do you have to do it? thats for the help stay alert and vigilence.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 07:34 |
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lonesomedwarf posted:As someone who has never had a girlfriend or even knew a girl in there 50+ years on this wonderful earth I would also like some real answers too this because maybe one day I can be prepared for when a girl friend sees the value of my good self and deicides to go out with me or have me court her or whatever people call it this days. I've heard things about leaving the toilet seat down though if goils don't poop then why do you have to do it? thats for the help stay alert and vigilence. You must listen to your girl when she toilets. That's where you find loves.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 07:42 |
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I think the cat is devouring these fecal deposits as they emerge. How's it's breath smell?
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 09:34 |
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Jose Mengelez posted:I think the cat is devouring these fecal deposits as they emerge. How's it's breath smell? Just checked, the cat has stink breath.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 11:38 |
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Girlfriends don't poop. Wives do, though. Keep that in mind.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 14:36 |
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Girls only poop during "The Magic Hour" a wink in time that exists when the clock reads 3:33.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 15:03 |
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Wikipedia posted:Girlfriends are mainly herbivores that feed by grazing on grass, forbs, and leafy weeds. In consequence, their diet contains large amounts of cellulose, which is hard to digest. Girlfriends solve this problem by passing two distinct types of feces: hard droppings and soft black viscous pellets, the latter of which are known as caecotrophs and are immediately eaten. Girlfriends re-ingest their own droppings (rather than chewing the cud as do cows and many other herbivores) to digest their food further and extract sufficient nutrients.[16] Depending on diet and fecal consistency, the process can be repeated 25-30 times, drastically increasing complete digestion to a timescale unfathomable to Boyfriends Nothing strange about this, but you could try reducing the fibre in your Girlfriend's food mix if it makes you more comfortable.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 16:00 |
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It is possible she is using NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) on you after she poops to make you subconsciously forget that the pooping has occurred. You can prevent this by never looking into her eyes and always by wearing earphones with a consistent binaural beat (7Hz is the optimal zone for meditative state of awareness, should block any attampts at NLP on your GFs part.)
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 17:43 |
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I once had a girlfriend and she pooped. Nobody believes either of these facts though. 
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 18:57 |
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When you least expect it.
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 19:56 |
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There are two possibilities: a) You've never had a girlfriend, you're cohabitating with a figment of your demented imagination b) Have you ever seen The Human Centipede?
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| # ? Feb 4, 2013 20:32 |
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poo poo comes out every time she opens her mouth. That's how girls poop. (Or maybe she's slipping memory erasing drugs into your breakfast as part of a larger psy-ops operation because you saw that thing one time when you weren't supposed to be there... maybe...)
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| # ? Feb 5, 2013 07:00 |
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She may be suffering from IBS (interdimensional bowel syndrome) She should seek holistic medical attention immediately before her excrement manifests on Earth 486 and triggers another diplomatic incident with nazi elvis and his minions. I still suspect the cat is somehow complicit in this.
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| # ? Feb 5, 2013 08:01 |
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Your girlfriend is the result of genetic engineering, made to produce a perfect metabolism that does not produce any waste. Don't know why she's still fat, though.
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| # ? Feb 5, 2013 17:03 |
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My girlfriend was constipated and didn't poop for a week once but then after I gave her an enema it all came out at once and it was not a pretty sight! TheKevman fucked around with this message at Feb 7, 2013 around 09:27 |
| # ? Feb 7, 2013 09:21 |
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Does she eat?
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 11:18 |
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have you considered the question of if your girlfriend is a ghost? she might also be a half ghost. Have you met her parents were one of them a ghost???
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| # ? Feb 9, 2013 21:24 |
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Lumberjack Bonanza posted:Your girlfriend is the result of genetic engineering, made to produce a perfect metabolism that does not produce any waste. They're all fat, and they should be, because fat is lickable. Allah commands us not to lick the anorexic but to cast aspersions upon her, and force feed her pie. I mean force feed pie to her, not buy her a pie and when she takes ownership of it, give the pie food.
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| # ? Feb 9, 2013 22:34 |
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everybody forgets that hitler did some good things as well (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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| # ? Feb 9, 2013 23:08 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 07:57 |
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Have you brought up anal with her? I say go for it, since the "exit only" argument holds no ground here... That might get the truth out.
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 11:48 |
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