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Around the end of last month I turned 20. Before that I graduated High School on time, got my drivers license and some sense of independence at 18. I've went and failed college while living on my own with family help financially. And got diagnosed with severe depression and had a few lovely things happen since. But now I want to turn it around. I'm pretty sure this'll lead me to make lovely excuses and not make any sort of significant change, but damnit I have to try. Hell, I'm not even exactly sure where to start in explaining. I'm 6'1" and 238lbs, down from 247lbs a few months ago but I don't feel like I'm fit or skinny enough. I have absolutely no confidence in my looks, in my attitude, social skills or even my own voice and opinions or thoughts. I had one job when I was 19 helping a friend of the family set up a store. It felt great to work, especially because it was phsyically demanding and kept my mind off of things. They even extended an offer as a reference if I ever applied for a new job. And after moving back from failing college I've basically lost any sort of regular contact or friendship that wasn't already people I knew online. I used to regularly hang out at a game store. I knew plenty of great people and was generally happy to socialize and get out of my then empty apartment. But now I basically do nothing but stay in my room at my parents home, struggling with stupid poo poo. I've convinced myself from past experience that I'm just too much of an rear end in a top hat or misogynist or racist or creepy to ever deserve a friend, so I stopped trying for the sake of anyone who has to come in contact or deal with me. I've turned myself into a burden for anyone who knows me, and have been trying my damndest to limit the amount of people I can hurt. Top that with depression (Diagnosed as severe depression in November, 2011) and suicidal ideation it's been just a huge pain staying alive everyday, much less move on with my life. And please, don't take that as I'm actively suicidal right now. I know and have available resources when things gets rough. The breakdown in my head right now is that I want to lose weight. I've cut out a whole ton of lovely food and sweets in my life. Slowly but surely a lot of junk food I used to eat makes me sick whenever I even try to eat them, reinforcing good eating habits, same goes with overeating. I used to have access to a gym, but now only a drat wii fit. Even then I couldn't keep myself dedicated and would stop after a few weeks. About a week ago I started just doing 30-50+ jumping jacks whenever the thought of having it enters my mind, or if I'm waiting on something and not doing anything important. Basically I kept doing jumping jacks or pushups and situps until my body burned, multiple times a day. I also walk and play with my family dog everyday, running with him. I've been looking at YLLS to improve how I present myself, but still lack a whole ton of confidence. I'm also still feeling really bad about the death of one of my closest friends. I'm really nervous about this and I hope to God it wasn't a mistake to make this thread.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 20:53 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 00:47 |
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Hey man, don't beat yourself up. It's awesome that you're trying to fix your life. Are you currently in therapy?
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:00 |
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Your worries about being a burden to others is a classic depression symptom. Exercising regularly can help mitigate depression, so you're taking a good step in that direction already. See a therapist to talk about your depression and body image as soon as possible.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:01 |
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Oral Slither posted:Hey man, don't beat yourself up. It's awesome that you're trying to fix your life. Are you currently in therapy? I did see a therapist who was generally helpful, but still made me feel uncomfortable for a few months. I haven't seen him since the beginning of January. I'm on my Father's insurance plan and he ended up dropping them in hopes of getting on Obama's healthcare plan since he was paying nearly $3,000 a month. I would have to wait six months before being eligible for Obamacare, and my dad and mother convinced me that I would be unelible for any other health care plan because depression would be considered a preexisting condition. They are very supportive, saying they would pay any and all medical expenses. Therapists, doctor visists and medication. But I'm reluctant to take more of their money after pissing away a couple thousand on college which I dropped out of. The only way I can picture it in my head is "If I need all this money to become even slightly functional, why loving bother?"
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:07 |
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Ularg posted:I did see a therapist who was generally helpful, but still made me feel uncomfortable for a few months. I haven't seen him since the beginning of January. I'm on my Father's insurance plan and he ended up dropping them in hopes of getting on Obama's healthcare plan since he was paying nearly $3,000 a month. I would have to wait six months before being eligible for Obamacare, and my dad and mother convinced me that I would be unelible for any other health care plan because depression would be considered a preexisting condition. It's worth the bother, trust me. Being broken for your whole life is not the way to be, and you probably can't beat depression without seeing a therapist.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:08 |
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Chamale posted:It's worth the bother, trust me. Being broken for your whole life is not the way to be, and you probably can't beat depression without seeing a therapist. Thank you. I've been without a GP for nearly a year now (And without any sort of medication that I used to take) and my last Psychiatrist said I should be inpatient in a mental ward for a long time until I was fixed. My father was able to convince his GP to see me. I'm going out to dinner with my family to celebrate my birthday. Afterwards I'll bug my father for the paper work he brought home and start filling them out. Would it be annoying to call my therapists' office late just to leave a message about wanting to set up an appointment?
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:13 |
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Ularg posted:Would it be annoying to call my therapists' office late just to leave a message about wanting to set up an appointment? Nope, go for it. The receptionist answers the phone for a reason.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:14 |
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Hey dude you have alot of issues but nothing major that can't be overcome. No one can change in a day, it takes time. You can't overcome everything at once, focus on one thing then move on. The more progress you will make, the more you will like yourself and it will become easier to get anything done. Also, get Omega 3 supplements.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:24 |
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Frog 1.0 posted:Hey dude you have alot of issues but nothing major that can't be overcome. No one can change in a day, it takes time. You can't overcome everything at once, focus on one thing then move on. The more progress you will make, the more you will like yourself and it will become easier to get anything done. Fish oil? There seems to be multiple types you can buy. Anywhere to best read up on what kind? http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/...laims/index.htm also says that just eating fatty fish twice a week would be sufficient, and I could use the cooking lesson and I love eating fish. Edit: Oh, you know what? I'm dumb, this would work for any questions I have on it, right? http://nccam.nih.gov/health/omega3/introduction.htm
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:30 |
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Great work on losing some of that weight. Definitely keep it up. Consistency is key to that sort of thing; as long as you stay on it, the weight'll come off steadily. That should help with the depression because if nothing else you'll look better and be healthier. Cliche, i know, but I always feel better after exercise.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:34 |
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Quality_Guaranteed posted:Great work on losing some of that weight. Definitely keep it up. Consistency is key to that sort of thing; as long as you stay on it, the weight'll come off steadily. That should help with the depression because if nothing else you'll look better and be healthier. Cliche, i know, but I always feel better after exercise. Yeah, I definitely agree that it makes me feel a lot better. My mood has been slightly elevated since I've been doing the jumping jack thing, and it's given some of my online buddies a joke to remind me to do jumping jacks while we're playing DayZ. My biggest problem though is keeping up with it. It took me a whole week to forget about spending an hour doing the exercises and cardio stuff with wii fit. Edit: I've done probably 250-300 jumping jacks already today. Just doing 50 at a time every half hour or so.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:39 |
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Usually store that sells workout suplements have them or any good drug stores. Watch for the AEP and ADH concentration and it should be in the 600mg for AEP and 300mg ADH per pill. It's possible that you will have a bad fish taste in your mouth after you take them for the first time but after a few days your body get use to it and it goes away. It's important to get good quality because you are certain that they are filtered and don't contain anything like mercury in them. You can skip taking one if you have a good fish meal but don't bother buying any food that with added omega 3 in them, it's such a small concentration that it's not worth it.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 21:44 |
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You could pick up a martial art. The grappling ones especially will get you pretty fit and burn a lot of calories. Plus the small incremental improvements you will constantly make will help your self esteem. Submission wrestling and losing weight really helped my depression when I was 15 and really down. See if there's an MMA or judo gym near you
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 22:08 |
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henkman posted:You could pick up a martial art. The grappling ones especially will get you pretty fit and burn a lot of calories. Plus the small incremental improvements you will constantly make will help your self esteem. Submission wrestling and losing weight really helped my depression when I was 15 and really down. See if there's an MMA or judo gym near you That or a sport like Soccer sounds very good. I enjoyed soccer when I was in elementary, and in High School I took a year of weight lifting and had two years of ROTC under my belt.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 22:13 |
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Happy Birthday OP. I'm really glad you have a supportive family. Let them help you.
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 22:13 |
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Ularg posted:That or a sport like Soccer sounds very good. I enjoyed soccer when I was in elementary, and in High School I took a year of weight lifting and had two years of ROTC under my belt. Really any sport is good. I only suggested martial arts because they're easier (in my experience) to find, but if there's a soccer club in your area Go For It
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| # ? Feb 6, 2013 22:19 |
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You've identified the problems, taken steps to change, and already have quantifiable results. You're 80% there. See how I just interpreted all of your actions and outcomes in the most favorable way possible? Learn to do that for yourself and you'll become an unstoppable juggernaut.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 00:02 |
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The Proc posted:You've identified the problems, taken steps to change, and already have quantifiable results. You're 80% there. I think just feeling good for myself is the hardest part. I always seem to need some sort of positive reaction from friends, family and internet strangers to feel like I'm doing good. I still need to work up the confidence and self worth to volunteer and / or find a job. I also have hobbies or possible careers that I still really want to try to break into but I'm having the hardest time. On the note of volunteering, I spoke with my aunt at dinner. I asked her about volunteering as an EMT or at the Fire Dept. She worked as a fire fighter for 20-25 years and some years as an EMT. My mother was a volunteer EMT too. She was very favorable about the idea. I'd get trained for free, get volunteer hours and work experience and even a little pay (like $3 a call, but hey it's something!). And if I enjoyed it and wanted to turn it into a career, I can put in enough hours and the county will pay my way through fire college. I'll get to do some good, help people, get in shape and maybe meet some people for sports or just make some friends in general. I also got $40 from family on my birthday which is super nice. I spent almost all of my Christmas money gifts to turn around and buy gifts for my friends and my mother. I'll either spend it on a video game (which is probably a problem worth discussing, if interested) or open up a new bank account or credit union and start learning how to save so I can eventually move from my family and live on my own.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 00:37 |
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Wow, you are basically me around age twenty, right down to needing positive reaction from people. Do NOT do what I did and sputter along for a few years and then decide to basically shut down completely for 15 years before deciding to wake up and try to start up again. Here's the deal, you absolutely CAN do the things you want to do (like losing weight or living on your own), or the things that are asked of you for a job. You will have actually have to work to do some of these things, but it will be worth it. There will be times that you fail at something, but all you can do is pick yourself up and try again. Laugh at and learn from your failures. In terms of your looks/voice, the bottom line is that anyone worth a drat doesn't really care about them. I don't think you are making little children run away crying from just a peek at your mug, so don't worry about it. However, people will respond to your attitude, but the trick there is that having a more positive attitude will get you positive reactions. Volunteering at the Fire Dept/EMT sounds like a good start. Do it! When you are being trained, be the first person to volunteer to do/learn something. If you don't know how to do something, don't say 'I can't do that' and instead say 'Show me how'. Finally, do not use that 40 bucks on a video game. Instead, buy some exercise equipment; a jump rope, an exercise mat, a pull up bar (I just got one). I wish I had stopped playing so many games when I was in my 20's and I had been out doing stuff instead. That isn't to say that video games are bad, but as the saying goes: All things in moderation.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 01:52 |
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Yeah open a bank account and then forget about the money for as long as you can. There are very few things in my life I regret more than Diablo II.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 01:56 |
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What kind of food are you eating? Cooking for yourself and eating right will go a long way towards losing weight as well as boosting how you feel about yourself. Are you monitoring your calorie intake?
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 03:34 |
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Corn Thongs posted:What kind of food are you eating? Cooking for yourself and eating right will go a long way towards losing weight as well as boosting how you feel about yourself. Are you monitoring your calorie intake? I'm not currently cooking for myself. My family does like to have warm cooked dinners a lot, but mainly southern type meals. I've been reducing how much I eat by a lot for awhile now. I used to do a bit of cooking when I was living on my own, sometimes I'd get together with my roommate or a neighbor friend to cook something really good. (One time during one of the holidays me, my roommate, and a tenant down the hall got together and cooked some Chicken & Yellow Rice with some green beans and it was drat delicious) And as I said in my OP, almost any sort of sugary food now makes me sick when I try to eat it. Other than that when it's not a family dinner I make bad-for-you frozen meals or a sandwhich. Breakfast is usually some sausage, toast and a couple glasses of milk, though. The Proc posted:Yeah open a bank account and then forget about the money for as long as you can. There are very few things in my life I regret more than Diablo II. I currently have a bank account tied in with my parents bank account. It's with Suntrust and I used it to get money from my family during college and pay bills. It's in my name and I don't forsee my family loving with my account or money, and I don't think it would be hard to break the connection with the accounts. But would you recommend I open it up with Ally or a credit union? Or should I start reading up on the appropriate forums before making that decision? Ularg fucked around with this message at Feb 7, 2013 around 03:46 |
| # ? Feb 7, 2013 03:43 |
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Offer to cook for your family once in a while. You'll be contributing to the family and, seriously, cooking for people is awesome.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 04:20 |
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Well, no I wouldn't worry about starting a second account until you have a regular income stream. Once you do get a job though, it's really nice to have a couple other accounts someplace like ally or ING putting a part of your check someplace where you need to jump through a hoop or two to get to it. That's really helped me cut down on impulse spending. Go to the Business, finance and careers subforum and read Tuyop's thread. Compare your life to his, and feel awesome. E: seconding what was said about cooking above. Fresh ginger and garlic plus knife skills get you a lot of options. The Proc fucked around with this message at Feb 7, 2013 around 04:32 |
| # ? Feb 7, 2013 04:29 |
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How could I work on courage and dedication with hobbies? I've had interests in doing some sort of YouTube channel for video games, since they've been a big part of my life and I'd like to contribute something people would find informative and enjoy. I also have interests in art and music. But no matter how much I can think about it and read about it I just can't dedicate myself to any of these. I have a lot of confidence issues that if I upload to YouTube I won't be as good or well recieved at best, and I'd be an absolute mockery at worst. I sometimes don't think I could contribute anything new or insightful that other YouTube channels aren't already doing. With everything else in my life, I just have a horrible time concentrating on one task. I often get sidetracked, mainly I would just stare at a blank computer screen or a wall for a long while just having a million thoughts going through my head. Even when I'm trying to exercise I can't keep my mind straight to do the exercise, count the numbers I do and remember to breathe properly at the same time. There's always a ton of stuff going on in my head, nothing substantial but I get anxious making up hypothetical to the point where I feel my heart racing.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 20:32 |
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Ularg posted:How could I work on courage and dedication with hobbies? I've had interests in doing some sort of YouTube channel for video games, since they've been a big part of my life and I'd like to contribute something people would find informative and enjoy. I also have interests in art and music. But no matter how much I can think about it and read about it I just can't dedicate myself to any of these. I have a lot of confidence issues that if I upload to YouTube I won't be as good or well recieved at best, and I'd be an absolute mockery at worst. I sometimes don't think I could contribute anything new or insightful that other YouTube channels aren't already doing. With everything else in my life, I just have a horrible time concentrating on one task. Courage can really be a pain in the rear end, but in the end the best advice is: fake it 'til you make it. If you want to do those things, then just do them and put them up. Remember, you aren't doing a hobby for other people, you are doing a hobby because you enjoy it. If your hobby ends with a product (like making a video or some kind of artwork), then some people will like it, some people will hate it, and most people won't really care strongly one way or the other. Being sidetracked is something I still struggle with to this day. One option could be to see a doctor and maybe determine if you are have form of ADD/ADHD and see about medication. If that isn't the case, the you just have to learn how to quiet that stuff down, perhaps with the help of therapy. Everyone has that stuff racing through their head, it's simply a matter of dealing with it in the way that best suits them. Also, I would suggest that you also look into a trade school (construction, electrician, plumber, etc) of some sort. I really wish that I had done that after I failed out of college my first year. A trade school will teach you valuable skills and will both work your body and give you confidence in it.
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| # ? Feb 7, 2013 23:03 |
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TMMadman posted:Courage can really be a pain in the rear end, but in the end the best advice is: fake it 'til you make it. If you want to do those things, then just do them and put them up. Remember, you aren't doing a hobby for other people, you are doing a hobby because you enjoy it. If your hobby ends with a product (like making a video or some kind of artwork), then some people will like it, some people will hate it, and most people won't really care strongly one way or the other. Thank you a lot. My therapist said I'm basically word for word on the definition and symptoms of ADD. Not sure how much authority he has to make that call, but I'll see what my GP thinks. Edit: I also want to add that I don't quite get the "Fake it till you make it" line. Ularg fucked around with this message at Feb 7, 2013 around 23:49 |
| # ? Feb 7, 2013 23:38 |
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I don't know if this has been mentioned before but you can get some of the home workout videos like Insanity. It worked pretty well for me.
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| # ? Feb 8, 2013 00:52 |
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Ularg posted:Thank you a lot. My therapist said I'm basically word for word on the definition and symptoms of ADD. Not sure how much authority he has to make that call, but I'll see what my GP thinks. Fake it 'til you make it just means you put a smile on your face and do it because the more you do it, the easier it becomes and the better you get at it. And as a crossover, having the confidence to do one thing leads you to do having confidence when you do other things. And the more things you do, the less you will think about courage. Courage is simply acting in the face of fear. It can certainly be hard to muster up, but if you aren't putting yourself in physical danger, then you shouldn't need too much because what you are really afraid of is what other people will think of you. Within the past few years, I've finally learned that with the exception of the key people in your life, what other people think of you is of very little importance. TMMadman fucked around with this message at Feb 8, 2013 around 02:58 |
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 02:15 |
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I'm tackling the courage/motivation thing with accountability. What that means for me is, posting pictures of my practice chalk drawings in a Facebook album marked "daily" (so I feel bad if its not updated daily), working with other people on projects (so it's not just yourself you're letting down if you don't do a task) and some weekly volunteer hours with the local community radio station. I found that I don't really care about letting myself down, but I will make concerted efforts not to let other people down, so I can use that in my favour. My husband found that tracking things works for him, at least for diet and exercise. He sticks at his goals because he likes the graphs. It's really an individual thing, have a think about what compels you do do things and see if you can use it.
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| # ? Feb 8, 2013 02:46 |
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I have no idea what happened but today has just been horrible. Woke up sore and migraines throughout the whole day. I really didn't do anything to be this depressed today though. I did cook grilled cheese but my mood has just been bleh.
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 00:22 |
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Ularg posted:I have no idea what happened but today has just been horrible. Woke up sore and migraines throughout the whole day. I really didn't do anything to be this depressed today though. I did cook grilled cheese but my mood has just been bleh. It's alright man. Everyone has those kinds of days. The only thing you can really do is slog through it and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Your profile says you're in Florida. Where in Florida?
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 01:57 |
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TMMadman posted:It's alright man. Everyone has those kinds of days. The only thing you can really do is slog through it and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Near Ocala. Nothing but highschoolers and old people. I missed when I lived in Orlando.
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 03:06 |
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I wonder also if you're getting enough sun, particularly if you're waking feeling like shite. A lack of vitamin D can really drain you physically and mentally (and it's quite surprising how badly). On top of some of the issues you're tackling, it would make thing a lot more difficult. It's far from uncommon for people battling depression to also become deficient in vitamin D. Something simple to try would be if you wake up feeling bad, just to take off your shirt and go and sit in direct sunlight (not through a window) for 5 or 10 minutes (of course only if you have somewhere private enough you feel comfortable like a backyard or balcony). It's just worth a try because the effects is practically instant (if you are lacking in Vitamin D), you'll notice the difference in your mood by the time your putting your shirt back on!
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 05:49 |
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Hey, OP. Maybe buy a pull up/chin up bar - one of the ones that fit in a doorway (but first make sure you have a doorway that will work). If you can't do full chin ups at the start, do as many half chin ups as you can and build strength. I think if you had a physical hobby to do on your own, it would help take your mind off of things. Have you ever heard of poi spinning? It's interesting, would help you work on your coordination and is a decent work out for your arms and shoulders. You should check out a few videos on youtube and if you think it's cool, buy or make yourself a simple set of poi (long socks and tennis balls work fine) and watch youtube tutorials and learn some cool poo poo.
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| # ? Feb 10, 2013 14:43 |
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Ularg posted:Fish oil? There seems to be multiple types you can buy. Anywhere to best read up on what kind? http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/...laims/index.htm also says that just eating fatty fish twice a week would be sufficient, and I could use the cooking lesson and I love eating fish. Here's the best fish oil supplement: http://www.amazon.com/Carlson-Elite...s/dp/B003BVIBK6 Well-balanced with different kinds of omega3s, potent, and the highest mg/dollar value on the market.
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| # ? Feb 12, 2013 01:13 |
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Hey OP, how have you been the past few days? Been trying anything new?
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| # ? Feb 15, 2013 14:24 |
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Actually I've pretty much that off day has carried on until now.
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| # ? Feb 15, 2013 20:44 |
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It's great that you have a supportive family. If you're still feeling like you're a burden in any way, though, you should talk to your parents about it if you haven't already. Tell them you realize that they're doing what they can to help you, and that you appreciate everything they're doing. I guarantee they will say they are happy to do whatever it is they need to to help you, and that your health is more important to them than some money. Oftentimes just having that conversation can really help alleviate any guilt.
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| # ? Feb 15, 2013 22:14 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 00:47 |
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waffle posted:It's great that you have a supportive family. If you're still feeling like you're a burden in any way, though, you should talk to your parents about it if you haven't already. Tell them you realize that they're doing what they can to help you, and that you appreciate everything they're doing. I guarantee they will say they are happy to do whatever it is they need to to help you, and that your health is more important to them than some money. Oftentimes just having that conversation can really help alleviate any guilt. From my experience it worsens it when I have these kinds of talks with anyone but people on the internet. I'm a pretty big coward.
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| # ? Feb 15, 2013 22:19 |
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