|
I'm going to take an inventory of my life and figure out what I should do next. Physical: 25 years old, 5'10", 175 lbs. Not in shape and I haven't worked out for years. I have physical side effects of depression and don't eat enough. The idea of working out today doesn't sound good, I tried a couple times and wound up puking from the nausea I regularly feel. Something about working out just caused a ton of bile to build up and explode out. Felt really faint-headed and just generally like garbage so I came to the conclusion I need to first fix... Diet: I am a decent cook however I don't take the time to do it enough. I find it difficult to successfully shop for ingredients for the week, and then come up with recipes using them and execute on it. I choose to buy healthier food and simple ingredients -- lean meat, beans, brown rice, vegetables. I just can't figure out how to keep myself successfully fed for a week. I have tried coming up with meal plans in the past, but the rigidity meant that any unexpected circumstance like someone asking me to dinner would throw me through a loop for the rest of the week. I think I need some better ideas of what sort of things people actually eat during the week. I have a tendency to over-complicate things: rather than buying bread at the store I feel like I need to make it from scratch. So I will do something like think, "Okay, I'll make sandwiches for the week" and then wind up not making the bread and the meat goes bad. Relationships: My family relationship is hosed up. My father was a pretty big bully and physically abusive towards me when I was younger, often when he was drinking. I only really came to terms with that and realized how it's shaped my self-perception and relationships with other people about a year ago. I challenged him on it, and he was unwilling to admit that beating up a kid is wrong. He thinks it's justifiable and was justified for me -- for little things, like when I made an accident in my underwear when I was 3, or when he thought I didn't look both ways before making a turn in a car. My mother says it's wrong but she let it happen. He hasn't shown any remorse over it, just a lot of anger towards me and defensive justification when I brought it up. I came to the conclusion he's an angry, violent man and he needs to recognize that on his own, so I cut him out of my life. That also meant cutting out my mother. I don't really know what to do about my relationship with her. I don't have anything against her(besides some weird hosed up controlling poo poo and lying she's done lately --- e.g. she pretended to be outside my apartment in her car and told me my ex-girlfriend was there and I was secretly hiding it from her. What the gently caress? I called her out on it, no apology. She's also appeared at my apartment door when she gets suspicious that I'm with my ex[whom I haven't seen in months]. "Who's in there with you?" and poo poo. She dropped this after I said I'd call the cops if she kept it up.) I feel guilty about my relationship with my parents and I don't know what to do about it. I feel guilty that I ignore their text messages but I honestly don't know what to say to them. I want my father to address his abuse and alcoholism and I want my mother to take him to task on it -- I'm pretty sure he was abusive towards her even though they both deny it. I remember a lot of crying on my mother's part because of stuff my dad had done when I was younger. Friends: I have two implicitly trusted male friends. They both live about 40 minutes away so we only see each other maybe once or twice a month. They're both about 7-year old friendships now. I have three other male friends at my job that I do things with out of work. They are fresh college grads and our mindsets are a little different -- they're happy eating McDonalds, I'd rather have a decent dinner. I've had luck getting them to do more "adventurous" things by just suggesting them, but they still have some weird hangups like not wanting to eat sushi. We do things like have parties, play video games, write music, go to movies/concerts/events. I don't have many local female friends. There's a gal at work who is about my age who said I should go out to the bar with some of her friends and is always bowing me photos of them and asking if I think they're cute, but nothing's come of it yet. I have some other female friends but they live far away so we mostly just talk via text and IM. I dated a girl a couple months ago who is always inviting me out to parties with her friends but she developed a heavy crush on me and so I quit hanging out with her. I wasn't interested in a serious relationship with her and that's what she said she wanted with me. I feel like going out with her and her friends now might be weird, even though she still invites me. We got along great and had a lot of shared interests, but I didn't see myself being with her long-term. I have an ex-fiancée. We were together four years, finally quit loving around with each other for real 3-4 months ago. We were both insecure and depressed and had a mess of a codependent relationship that wound up exploding horribly. That's why my mother is so worried about me dating her again. I'm not going to do that but she doesn't believe me when I tell her. Emotional: I currently suffer from anxiety and depression. I previously meditated daily for six months and found it to be a great benefit to both conditions. My ex wound up telling me the meditation hadn't actually done a thing for me and I was still an angry, depressed rear end in a top hat and broke up with me and it killed the idea of meditating for me. Last night, however, I'd been feeling a ton of anxiety and I was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep. I became really frustrated and then decided to liste to what was actually going on while I laid in my bed. I was laying there, warm and secure, snow was hitting the window and my cat was running around upstairs. Nothing was really going on that I needed to be upset about. I quickly fell asleep. Low self-esteem and negative self-perception from years of bullying at home and school throughout my life. No one bullies me now but I'm still very nervous about what people think about me. I'm seeing a therapist. I was prescribed Wellbutrin but I haven't been able to pick it up because my health insurance is hosed up for some reason no one can answer. HR promised to figure it out and give me an update today. Career: I'm probably okay. I have a degree in computer science and work as a lead engineer at a good tech company. However, my depression and anxiety takes a toll here as well. I've formed five different companies with different local entrepreneurs and have wound up abandoning all of them. I can start really strong an one up with some solid stuff and we start getting revenue, but it seems like I always wind up back in a depressive mindset and I can't bring myself to bother with that stuff when I'm depressed. Just handling my regular day job is enough stress. I don't know where I want my career to go. I don't know if I always want to be programming computers, but I don't know what else I would be good enough at for someone to pay me to do. Hobbies: My hobbies take a slide when I fall into depression. I try to write music, take photos, and I used to enjoy cooking elaborately. I don't read as much as I used to. I probably average one book every 2-3 months, besides things I don't really count like a book on sound synthesis or a book on programming. What next? I want to come up with a flexible plan for myself to start getting back on the ball and back in control of my life. Here are what I've identified as things to be dealt with as quickly as possible: * Depression * Diet * Avoidance behavior(falls under depression, things like browsing the net instead of making dinner) Mid-term(to start on once those other things start getting better): * Work out * Put myself more into my hobbies * Build more friendships Long-term: * Career? * Dating? First steps: I have already been seeing a therapist for the depression. I talked with a friend, we are going to meditate at least 10 minutes daily and check up on each other. I have to believe what I saw in myself, that real changes were being made and I was becoming happier. My anxiety decreased, people were more drawn to me, and the physical symptoms of my depression and anxiety were greatly ameliorated. My ex had her own issues and I can't trust her opinion of me. The diet one is tripping me out though. Can anyone help me work out some sort of plan on this? When I've tried before, I would pick out a meal for each day, then buy all the ingredients for those meals, and try to make them during the week -- but it wound up being a lot more complicated in execution. I would pick recipes that wound up taking too much time for what I wanted to put in on a weekday, interruptions to the meal plan would cause spoilage, etc. How do other people figure out what to buy at the grocery store for a week? It was a lot easier when I lived with my fiancée, I find cooking for two easier than cooking for one. One other first step -- get off the Internet. Basically when I get home I head straight to the computer for a while. I've blown many nights like that. I know it's because of my depression too. It's easy and gratifying and non-judgmental and always has new content. But it is just escapism in the end. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 8, 2013 around 19:43 |
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 19:40 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 22, 2013 09:49 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:
Some single dude cooking tips: I like to spend Sunday evenings cooking out most of my meals for the week. Some easy ones: lasagna, enchiladas, casserole, baked mac n' cheese. All of those stay good for a while in the fridge or longer in the freezer and all are easy to make. Pick two, and you're set for dinner for a week. As for lunch, salads are easy and healthy, or just get some cold cuts and a loaf of bread. Those you can make the night before. Breakfast is instant oatmeal and/or toast.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 20:29 |
|
|
You sound like you have ADHD. Welcome to the club.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 20:34 |
|
|
For your diet: soups, stews, chilies and other casserole type dishes are going to be your friends. Red/meat sauce plus pasta is another dish that can last a week or two once cooked. A taco is a great single serving meal. Take a small pan, add a little oil, add 3-4 oz of ground beef (you can also use real steak), some chopped onion and some spices. While it's frying up heat up a tortilla. Add a spoonful of refried beans (heated while everything else is cooking), salsa and cheese if you'd like. It takes about 5 minutes to cook. I imagine you could do this with chicken as well. Eggs aren't just for breakfast anymore! Have a couple fried or scrambled eggs for dinner. Or continue to just cook for two and use the second portion for dinner the next day.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 20:55 |
|
|
You can really keep something like pasta sauce with meat in the fridge for two weeks? I generally throw out leftovers after three or four days. Had no idea it could last that long. Thanks for the ideas guys, doing big cooking on the weekend and subsisting off it during the week sounds like a good plan. Re: ADHD -- maybe? Never really thought about it. How do I deal with it? I guess I'll ask my therapist what she thinks but honestly I feel most of my problems are depression-related.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 22:04 |
|
|
Pickle everything.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 22:06 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:You can really keep something like pasta sauce with meat in the fridge for two weeks? I generally throw out leftovers after three or four days. Had no idea it could last that long. Two weeks would be too long for just about any recipes in my experience. One week for casseroles, pasta dishes, soups/stews, or even some meat dishes is reasonable though. One of my favorites is to make pulled pork in a slow-cooker. Since pork shoulder gives a ton of meat for one person, I'll freeze half of it and eat the other half over the course of a week or so. It's almost two weeks worth of meat, but by freezing half I don't have to worry about any spoilage. In general, I like to make one or two big meals over the weekend that I know can last a week in the fridge without getting gross. Then I might plan some meals I can cook over the course of the week that take ten minutes or so to prepare, like fresh cooked vegetables or sandwiches. There's no reason to slave away in the kitchen on a weekday unless cooking is a major hobby of yours.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 22:39 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:Re: ADHD -- maybe? Never really thought about it. How do I deal with it? I guess I'll ask my therapist what she thinks but honestly I feel most of my problems are depression-related. Yeah well I was sort of kidding but it's something therapist don't usually think of unless they really know alot about it. All this part about you making your own bread being depressed even though you're life is not that bad at all and how you seem emotionally distant is what made me think of ADD. I'm probably wrong but I sugest you read about it. Frog 1.0 fucked around with this message at Feb 8, 2013 around 22:44 |
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 22:40 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:You can really keep something like pasta sauce with meat in the fridge for two weeks? I generally throw out leftovers after three or four days. Had no idea it could last that long. Two weeks might be a bit long but I know I've kept and eaten my meat sauce and stew up to 10 days after making it. As long as you have a good fridge and you've stored it properly (let it cool down before putting it the fridge) in a good container then it should be good to go. Use your nose and eyes to check for food spoilage. If it doesn't look or smell good anymore then don't eat it. And freezing it is also a good idea. Say you make 8 cups of meat sauce but only want to eat 4 of them one week. Freeze the other 4 cups (pro tip: freeze them individual portions) and you can enjoy it a couple weeks down the road.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 23:01 |
|
|
Frog 1.0 posted:Yeah well I was sort of kidding but it's something therapist don't usually think of unless they really know alot about it. All this part about you making your own bread being depressed even though you're life is not that bad at all and how you seem emotionally distant is what made me think of ADD. Yeah it might be worth looking into. ADD and depression have some similar symptoms -- like being unable to focus -- so it might be too difficult to tell until I start feeling a bit better. I'm really liking the cooking suggestions. I am going to relaunch my "bachelor chow" blog. Basically the concept was that I would describe my meal plan for the week, and then post photo recipes for interesting things I made. That lasted about two weeks. With a better idea of what I should be making, I think it will work better. Maybe it will eventually help someone else in my situation.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 23:09 |
|
|
Goons With Spoons/Chickencheese is a good resource for recipes and ideas as well as whatever websites or cookbooks you use for inspiration.
|
| # ? Feb 8, 2013 23:19 |
|
|
Right now I'm having that problem. It's 8:00 and I just got home from work. My fridge is empty. I don't know what to eat. It's already dark out and the grocery store closes soon. I guess I just have to go to the grocery store at 8:00 on a Friday even though I really don't feel like it. But before I go, I need to figure out what I want to buy -- and by the time I do that, they'll be almost closed(they close at 9). ARGH. I don't want to order pizza. Every minute I spend thinking about it(or posting here about it) instead of acting on it is a minute I could be at the grocery store or picking out what to buy, though. So I'm off. Positive stuff: I did meditate for 10 minutes before I posted this. The guitar shop finished repairing the neck of my guitar and I picked it up today. edit: ok so I looked around a little bit more and I think I have enough to eat tonight. Can of organic bean and rice soup -- 320 calories, and some pita and hummus. Breakfast was a blueberry muffin, probably like 300 calories. Lunch, invited out to a bar, had 5 breaded & deep fried chicken strips and a 5% ABV wheat beer. Probably like 800-900 calories there. Still only coming up around 1600. Not sure how much hummus & pita I need to eat to fill in the rest. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 9, 2013 around 01:09 |
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 00:59 |
|
|
I have the same problem with meal planning and ingredients spoiling before I get to them, as well as lack of desire to cook after getting home so late. This cookbook has been really helpful for me, mainly because of the techniques it teaches for freezing. For example: I am making enchiladas. I make up an extra pan or two, bake what I want to eat then, and seal up the rest for some night I know I won't want to cook. You can freeze things in smaller "single" portions too. And I want to back everyone recommending a slow cooker- there are so many awesome meals you can make in those, and freezing the leftovers will make for some great lunch and dinners in the future. (That cookbook has taught me that I can freeze soup in a gallon ziplock laid flat so it takes up less room in the freezer!) You don't have to cook a huge amount and eat it till it's gone. Don't get hung up on stuff like making your own bread, that's kneecapping yourself. You're making your first step incredibly time-consuming and difficult, and so failure to do step #1 means failure to do anything else. Buy some bread from the store. Make sandwiches for lunch. You like to cook and are good at it, so quit making it a chore/failure. Easy, simple meals are delicious and way less stressful on the soul.
|
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 06:49 |
|
|
That cookbook does look good. I had one called "Cooking For One" before(got destroyed in a flood) that was pretty helpful too, I should grab another copy. I'm going to the grocery store. Planning on making enchiladas tonight -- the recipe says it will make 10 to 14, so that's maybe 5 or 6 meals. I'm going to make this "barbecue glazed pork loin" recipe someone posted in GWS as well, tomorrow probably. I'll pick up some vegetables and snack stuff(hummus, fruit, popcorn, etc.) to supplement. I like GWS and used to read it pretty frequently but I often felt guilty for not doing everything by scratch. Where do you think I got the idea my bread needed to be homemade? I guess I need to take the snobbery with a grain of salt sometimes -- it's absolutely not necessary to *always* use homemade stock like some posters might say. If you don't have frozen homemade stock on hand but you have a box of store-bought -- use it. Grocery list: Enchiladas(minus ingredients I have on hand): 1 can (28 Ounce) Enchilada Or Red Sauce(will make from scratch if there isn't a good Mexican brand at the store, eff Old El Paso) Cilantro 1-1/2 pound Ground Beef 1 whole Medium Onion 2 cans (4 Ounce) Diced Green Chilies 10 whole (to 14) Corn Tortillas Black Olives Green Onions Pork: Pork loin Barbecue sauce Vegetables Fruits Snacks Yogurt/Milk/orange juice/iced tea/etc. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 9, 2013 around 20:12 |
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 20:00 |
|
|
Anyone that looks down on you for not making things like bread or pasta from scratch is probably completely insufferable in real life, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. Just use your best judgement. Cooking should be fun, not a chore!
|
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 20:38 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:I'm going to the grocery store. Planning on making enchiladas tonight -- the recipe says it will make 10 to 14, so that's maybe 5 or 6 meals. I'm going to make this "barbecue glazed pork loin" recipe someone posted in GWS as well, tomorrow probably. I'll pick up some vegetables and snack stuff(hummus, fruit, popcorn, etc.) to supplement. Remember, you can always reduce (or multiply) a recipe. So if you don't want to make 10 to 14 enchiladas, only use half the ingredients to make 5-7 enchiladas. That would still give you like 3 meals and you won't feel like you are always eating the same thing every day. I don't really have a problem with that and in fact, I find some comfort in a routine type of diet. I still get enough variety and when I feel like I want something different I just go have it or make it. Captain Drumline posted:Anyone that looks down on you for not making things like bread or pasta from scratch is probably completely insufferable in real life, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. Just use your best judgement. Cooking should be fun, not a chore! Or stock. Or any thing really. If you want to make something from scratch then do it, but you should also try out various pre-made stuff because in the end it's the same thing. I mean do you feel bad that you don't make the flour that you use to make the bread? TMMadman fucked around with this message at Feb 9, 2013 around 20:48 |
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 20:40 |
|
|
Look up orthorexia and talk to your therapist about it.
|
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 21:19 |
|
|
For what it's worth, when I very, very first started cooking, I got a Cooking for College Students book that had a glossary with all of the terms. I also used the Goons with Spoons wiki and their subforum for things, too. I bought some inexpensive spices and went to it. Yes, I bought premade stock and such. There's nothing wrong with using premade stuff. I just like to make my own bread because to /me/ it's kind of zen. I certainly don't think anyone should look down on someone for using premade things like that.
|
| # ? Feb 9, 2013 23:21 |
|
|
Banged out the enchiladas tonight. They're in the oven cooking up right now. I'll freeze the extras into bags, 2 each. Microwave to reheat I assume? Cleaned the kitchen up. It's crazy how much crap can accumulate underneath a rice cooker. Started reading a book by Jimmy Webb about songwriting. I hardly ever finish any actual songs. A couple weeks ago I decided I was going to put together, in kind of an executive producer role, three LPs of local music. The idea is to have each be a "mix" with a certain theme of all new tracks from local musicians and myself(hopefully if I can write something I like enough...). That's going to take a lot of effort. I'm still learning a lot of things about the process, but I figured with a goal in mind I'd force myself to learn them to accomplish it.
|
| # ? Feb 10, 2013 00:40 |
|
|
Something that's really easy and healthy is using miso soup as a base for a meal. Boil water in a pot, add a tablespoon of miso paste, add sliced beef or chicken, noodles, mushrooms and a handful or two of chopped greens. You can chuck an egg in as well if you're hungry. What works extra-well is if you chop the meat when you buy it and then freeze it in one-meal portions so you can just tip it straight into the soup. Let it boil for five or ten minutes to defrost and cook.
|
| # ? Feb 10, 2013 01:44 |
|
|
Hmm, sounds an awful lot like what I've been through but I managed to get through some. Try any of the following: 1. Even if you do exercise regularly and vigorously, for some people it won't cure what amounts to dysthymia (what a previous therapist said that's about all he could put for me and that meds would be of minimal help here). That is, a dull cloud of life just being "blah" all the time moreso than a feeling of utter dread and what actually is depression where you're completely drained. Don't feel too bad about exercise being a problem, sounds like your mental state is your proper priority before you start hitting the weights or the trails. 2. Your sleep matters tremendously and solidly good sleep on a bed made of grade A angel tits cannot hurt. A mattress pad for ~$90 can change everything if you're not about to spring for a new mattress (no need to spend $1000+ on those latex mattresses necessarily). This may backfire and your bed may be too cozy. 3. You may be hitting issues in general life beyond work from analysis paralysis (re: your cooking orthodoxy obsessions getting closer to OCD), which further saps your willpower and motivation when you inevitably fail to meet your own high standards. You don't have analysis paralysis problems when working on scaling out your architecture or something on your own, do you? How about writing out API specs? Regardless, the key to breaking this cycle (like exercise habits) is to first start making low-hanging fruit goals, make a schedule, stick to it, and force yourself to do a couple hours (no more, no less) of productive stuff that you've written down as "you know, I should do that" every day. At the end of a week, you can review what you've accomplished that week and that can be a bit of a boost to motivation (be wary of that list letting you think it's cool to sit on your rear end). Eventually, you'll be doing this without even thinking and you'll have developed a positive habit.... granted I haven't gotten there, so jury's out. On the cooking front, I've found I can do it reliably if I block out enough bullshit from my life that I can just focus on efficient grocery trips and preparing meals by myself. For the past two weeks I've eaten out precisely never except for business meals partly out of me forcing another trigger - wasting money / food. Went out and spent $200+ on stuff to make food (filet mignon, salmon, etc. from Costco), put it all in the fridge, and I've been cranking out food constantly. With no pressure in the kitchen, I make less mistakes and with the confidence I try new things with no time pressure, and ironically everything turns out so much better than the usual stressed cooking sessions right after work. I'm going to suggest that you plan when you're not so motivated and execute like crazy the moment you have that motivation to do anything and to just not second guess your planning you spent so much time wasting away on. Most of the time you might be making to-cook lists and the two hours you have on the weekend you feel like going out and kick rear end, walk right into the store and grab everything reflexively. Lastly, resist the temptation to try to multi-task (cook and browse SA while cooking - just stay focused on the recipe) - you're unlikely to do it without getting sucked into old habits. I'd consider sitting in a chair and surfing the equivalent of smoking for you - you're probably doing it out of boredom / ennui or something similar, not so much as it being actually enjoyable for you.
|
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 17:03 |
|
|
Regarding meal planning: I have a hard time actually planning a menu in advance, but I found a website I can use that looks like it will work fantastic for my needs. Something that helps me is identifying personal staples and making sure you always have them in your kitchen. I buy the large bags of (raw) frozen boneless skinless chicken breasts and I always make sure I have something on hand to work with chicken, be it something as simple as some herbs to sprinkle on it, or enough ingredients to make chicken fried rice. When that bag is empty, I'm at the store the next day buying another one. I spend enough time in my kitchen that I have a relatively accurate stock of what I have on hand from day to day. Slow cookers are awesome, I recommend getting one, if you don't have one already. You can make a lot of food with one but if you have the freezer space for leftovers, you're not committed to eating your slow cooker concoction every day until it's gone.
|
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 17:52 |
|
|
necrobobsledder posted:Hmm, sounds an awful lot like what I've been through but I managed to get through some. Try any of the following: The sitting in my chair and browsing is definitely compulsive escapist behavior. Even right now, I'm in the bathroom at work -- and what do I do but take my phone and browse the net while taking a crap? I found that my desire for escapism decreased with a regular meditation schedule. Meditated Friday and kinda-sorta on Sunday(made it ten minutes and fell asleep, whatever). Coworkers asked me to lunch and I had a few beers and started texting girls I've dated recently. Oops. But they're cute and it's not like we stopped dating on bad terms -- I just wasn't seriously interested in them. In a state of slight intoxication I thought maybe it'd be nice to have a gal over to hang out with tonight. But that doesn't alleviate anything beyond, y'know, the prurient. But it still sounds good sometimes. I have a weird hang up over casual sex. I will do it sometimes, but I feel guilty afterwards. I prefer having an actual relationship. But when you haven't had a girl over for a couple months it sounds okay... I scheduled a one hour massage tonight on the suggestion of my therapist. I'll try to use it as a time to meditate and relax. I need to stop hopping on my computer so often and do more things around the house. I've been brushing my cat daily(she gets really hairy) and cleaning the kitchen after using it. I'm really bad about leaving dishes in the sink, then they accumulate and I feel overwhelmed. Can't happen if I wash them right away, right? I've got to clean up around the apartment. There's just a ton of crap and mess around. I did laundry over the weekend and cleared out all the dirty glasses all over the house but there are still things like mud in the foyer from snow-covered shoes, the carpets need vacuuming, my bedroom just has a bunch of junk "out" on every surface that needs to be out away... Ugh. And it always seems to come back. I can never seem to get ahead of it. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 21:08 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 21:05 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:I need to stop hopping on my computer so often and do more things around the house. I've been brushing my cat daily(she gets really hairy) and cleaning the kitchen after using it. I'm really bad about leaving dishes in the sink, then they accumulate and I feel overwhelmed. Can't happen if I wash them right away, right? That's awesome that you were productive over the weekend! A website I really like is Unfuck Your Habitat. It's mainly focused on cleaning, but the principles can be applied to all areas of life. One of the main messages is that a little bit of doing is better than nothing, and they hype 20/10s instead of marathon cleaning. I battle with keeping horizontal surfaces cleared- it's so easy to have stuff pile up and become a mountain of stuff.
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 02:48 |
|
|
fork bomb posted:That's awesome that you were productive over the weekend! A website I really like is Unfuck Your Habitat. It's mainly focused on cleaning, but the principles can be applied to all areas of life. One of the main messages is that a little bit of doing is better than nothing, and they hype 20/10s instead of marathon cleaning. I battle with keeping horizontal surfaces cleared- it's so easy to have stuff pile up and become a mountain of stuff. Thanks! I am eating the enchiladas today from the fridge and they're really good. Making chicken thighs tomorrow. I'm going to have to go shopping again though because I only bought 1 lb of chicken thighs and only have 1 more day left of enchiladas not frozen. This weekend I'll make a black bean chili for the next week, and then get some bread and vegetables to go with it. I've seen that Unfuck Your Habitat site before. Decent advice. I personally need to get in the habit of cleaning things up when I'm done with them. I also like that it reminds you to go to bed at 11 PM... so I'm going to do that, a little late 
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 04:55 |
|
|
I'm feeling a bit better after just having eaten properly, gotten in bed before midnight, and meditated ten minutes daily since Friday Woke up today before my alarm went off, and with actual energy. Lessened mental cloudiness and a return to at least some acuity and wit. Gotta keep it up.
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 20:19 |
|
|
I have been considering getting one of those weekly planner whiteboards like this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0011...&sr=8-1&pi=SL75 Because I have I sometimes have trouble remembering/motivating myself to do some things around the house. But I think that if I had a whiteboard with a schedule of when get the standard chores done then it would be easier for me to get it done because a list of poo poo staring me in the face would just bug the poo poo out me until it was done. Or maybe I would just continue to put it off and then do a bunch of cleaning once a week. Also don't be afraid of sitting at your computer while doing your chores around the house. Some people do alright with that and some don't. One thing you might consider is loading up a game that is somewhat causal and has relatively short easy levels that can be completed in about 5 minutes or so. Then you can fully complete a chore, then play a level, do another chore and then play another level. This can help break up the drudgery of cleaning a little bit if that's what you need.
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 20:28 |
|
|
It also might help to get an actual egg timer instead of using a phone or computer to track time. Put the timer somewhere out of reach so that you will have to get up to turn it off.
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 22:10 |
|
|
I use the microwave's built in timer, which means to stop the infernal beeping, I have to go over into the kitchen.
|
| # ? Feb 12, 2013 23:05 |
|
|
I thought I was doing ok but I woke up today and vomited due to a buildup of bile. Just the grossest most bitter yellow poo poo. Fun way to start your day on the right foot. I hate the way I feel. Nauseous, cloudy, distant.
|
| # ? Feb 13, 2013 14:30 |
|
|
Rejection or perceived rejection makes me feel uncomfortable and start questioning myself. Went out to eat with some friends on Sunday. The waitress was flirting with me as soon as I sat down, and all my friends noticed it and said I should get her number. I wind up asking for her number before we leave, she smiles and winks and gives it to me. Yesterday, sent her a text just saying, "Hey, this is ___ that you met at work yesterday" so she'd have my number, then today I said, "some friends and I are going out for drinks tomorrow, you should come!" No reply and she read the messages a while ago(iMessage read receipts -- why would you ever turn those on?). I dunno. She seemed interested in person and she gave me her number but I'm just feeling down now, wondering what did I do to mess it up? I talked to my friends, they say this thing just happens sometimes... but it happened with another girl whose number I got a few weeks ago. So I keep questioning myself. Am I doing something wrong? Or just over thinking rejection? I get girls to hang out with me sometimes and have had serious relationships so I can't be that off-base, but I still keep thinking that I'm doing something wrong. So when you get a girl's number who you might be interested in dating, what sort of things do you say when you text her? I didn't say much -- just the two messages, one saying hi and one seeing if she'd be interested in going out. I figured that is best -- she's still mostly a stranger and we could get to know each other by hanging out. I loving hate anxiety and I hate the process of dating but I like girls  edit: and she just texted me, "sorry, i have a boyfriend" -- well that makes sense I guess. Yet another example of me stressing over something I shouldn't have. Anxious brain sucks. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 19, 2013 around 19:56 |
| # ? Feb 19, 2013 18:57 |
|
|
I don't know what I care about any more. It used to be easier -- I cared about politics, I cared about programming, I cared about specific genres of hardcore punk(and the other stuff was lame). But I've become less judgmental. I'm afraid to say I dislike something now. I try to be so open to everything that I don't even know what I really enjoy any more. Or maybe I do, I don't know. I certainly don't listen to Linkin Park or Creed but I'm more open to things I previously would have been shut off to. This all makes me feel distant from other people. Other people care so drat much about so many things. I see people getting riled up over politics and remember when I used to get that way -- in some ways I think it's good I don't do that any more(because it added a lot of stress and discomfort to my life) but I also feel like I'm trending towards apathy now. I don't bother forming an opinion because it won't be of any consequence and no one cares to hear it anyway. Then I post a bunch of bullshit in this thread and can't even get someone to talk to me. I don't know what I want to do with myself and I could really use some help. I'm feeling really confused, directionless, and amotivated. I've been seeing a therapist but I still feel this way. I don't think anyone can help me except myself and I don't think I have it in myself to care any more. So what the gently caress do I do? I don't have family, I don't have friends. I have some money, a job, and all that poo poo, but who cares if I'm not enjoying myself? And seeing as I'm not enjoying myself... I dunno. What can I do? I want to be a happy person. I'll do anything. Please someone help, I need a friend :/
|
| # ? Feb 25, 2013 19:15 |
|
|
General happiness and fulfillment in life is different for everyone, but a pretty reliable track to building "happiness" is from two factors: 1. Producing something that others value. Make music, make a company, make babies, make a funny blog, make something stupid with a 3d printer - they're all things that bring enjoyment to those that consume them. 2. Helping / supporting others. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, reading to the elderly, something like that is helpful to many. Self-defeating attitudes are a big problem for either of them and you'll defeat whatever capabilities you might have without even starting. Sometimes going out and making an rear end of yourself is the right thing to do, sometimes it'll just make people depressed more and it's not right.
|
| # ? Feb 25, 2013 19:48 |
|
|
I don't have goals or passions right now. I try creating music but I don't even know what genre I want to make. So I've written hardcore punk, hip hop, indie rock, various types of dance music... and it's all pitifully insipid and whenever I get the balls to show something I've create to someone else either they are politely like, "Well that's very nice!" or they tear it apart and tell me how bad it was. And that's fine, I know that the stuff I'm making isn't very good, but how do I create something good? And how do I know what I'm even trying to create in the first place? I guess that creative process is what's failing me. How do I even know which genre of music I want to make? I get the impression other people have such a deep connection to the genre they work within -- "it changed my life"/"it means everything to me" -- and in turn I feel like a dilettante or tourist. I just make noises that sound good to me right now, and usually they won't still sound good a week later. I think this is all depression related and I can't get my drat hands around it. I've finally worked things out with my insurance and should be able to get the Wellbutrin or Effexor or whatever the gently caress I was prescribed -- but I'm nervous to take that as well. People are always saying the US is over medicated, the pharmaceutical companies push these drugs on doctors for profits, and they're being given to patients who don't really need them. So I wonder where the truth lies. Are we over medicated as a society? Should I contribute to that by becoming medicated myself? What does it even mean for a society to be "over medicated"? There are obviously concerns of profiteering and the way the psychiatrist I saw who prescribed me this medication did not assuage my concerns. He seemed very motivated by money. He didn't even take health insurance for patients, and charges $150 for a fifteen minute appointment where he just says, "So what's wrong with you?" "Depression" "Ah, well that's too bad. Take this drug. See you in six weeks. That will be $150. I take credit."
|
| # ? Feb 25, 2013 20:31 |
|
|
Have you taken the medication yet? If not, take it.
|
| # ? Feb 25, 2013 20:31 |
|
|
Most people that get pretty good at anything tend to have practiced a ton to get there, programming included (plenty of people with Asperger's that have no programming ability, right?). "Talent" does exist in the sense that you'll be able to make good progress faster than others and all that, but the way that most pros of anything get where they are is they spend basically 1-2 hours a day practicing carefully. The focus over years and optimal use of one's mental and time resources is what gets you there. Athletes, musicians, programmers, we're all human and we can only push ourselves so far in one direction.ashgromnies posted:And that's fine, I know that the stuff I'm making isn't very good, but how do I create something good? ashgromnies posted:There are obviously concerns of profiteering and the way the psychiatrist I saw who prescribed me this medication did not assuage my concerns. He seemed very motivated by money Hell, maybe you should just smoke some pot because some of this sounds like you need to have your brain uh... relax a fair bit. Then again, maybe it could kill whatever motivation you have. Hrm, not so good... but I'm just brain-storming for you a bit here. What you may want to do is to develop routines that give you feedback that what you're doing is working (a "mood diary" is something I've heard of); it can keep you occupied enough to get you out of whatever rut you're in. Charting your own problems can be a passion in itself (see: those crazy people keeping sensors on themselves and all that 24/7). And few people could ever criticize someone for trying to improve themselves, right? So what's to be self-conscious about here?
|
| # ? Feb 25, 2013 22:44 |
|
|
marb posted:Have you taken the medication yet? If not, take it. Nah, haven't gotten it yet. Just got my prescription coverage card in the mail today. I can go pick it up tomorrow. I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday and seeing what she thinks. I don't necessarily want to start taking it because I've already decided I'm not returning to that psychiatrist. He didn't make me feel comfortable and he charged me way too much money for me to be returning to him. RE: smoking pot -- yea, I actually think I need to stop doing that. I am not going to buy any more. Developing routines sounds like a smart thing. My therapist told me that good things are happening to me and I'm just not recognizing them, and that I should try to recognize three good things that happened to me during the week. 1. I got some snacks in the mail I forgot I ordered(uhhh, well maybe the forgetting part isn't good) 2. I contributed to an open source project(well that's a good thing I did, or a thing I did. well, it's something, and it made me feel good to accomplish it) 3. My credit card didn't work at the ATM to get out money, I had no cash, and my coworker bought me lunch Those aren't all that good though. I have a lot of difficulty forgiving myself for messing up my relationship with my ex still. I hosed everything up, entirely. Irredeemably and unarguably my fault. And then after our serious relationship ended we still wanted to be with each other, and tried -- kinda, but the realities were aligned against us: our families, who once were close, now hated each other, there was a lot more distrust, etc. and we could no longer continue seeing each other. It was too stressful. We both still enjoyed the other person overall but we could never make it work. I feel like I hosed it up for both of us. I beat myself up over it all the time. I mean, I know I hosed it up. And I honestly feel like I hate myself sometimes for loving it up. We were extremely compatible, and had a very nice life together that I hosed up. And I don't feel like I can let myself go on to try to do that again. Like, that's the logical outcome, right? You fall in love with someone, it doesn't necessarily work out, you break up, and then you fall in love with someone again. I just feel like I already found my perfect partner, and lost her. Not from inexperience either, I dated plenty before I ever met her. We really had something special and I have only myself to blame for ending it and now I don't know what to do with myself. I hold this against myself a lot and I know it's one of the things holding me back. I just don't know how to get past it. It's empty waking up without her and it's hard to think of doing that with somebody else still. Even though I've tried dating other people since we've broken up. It won't ever work while I'm still not over her though. ashgromnies fucked around with this message at Feb 26, 2013 around 01:55 |
| # ? Feb 26, 2013 01:48 |
|
|
ashgromnies posted:1. I got some snacks in the mail I forgot I ordered(uhhh, well maybe the forgetting part isn't good) I've started typing out responses to this thread several times now - but it's hard because the only thing I've really had to say is 'I'm in the same boat'. I don't know how to help you because I'm still working on how to help myself. But - today I found something to say: 'Those aren't all that good though' - You're dismissing the good things that happen to you. I do it too. My own not-therapist has me writing down three good things a day and writing out a balanced comment about why they are good. That makes it a lot harder to dismiss them all as 'not enough'. Maybe you should try that. Sometimes, my justifications seem pretty stupid (I managed to turn 'I ate some soup' into 'I tried something outside of my comfort zone and it was alright') but it's still infinitely better than mentally telling myself 'I did nothing' when I in fact did do things. Also, about medication - maybe the US is 'over-medicated' (whatever that means) but unless you believe that no one should ever receive medication for mental health issues then it is entirely possible you are one of the people who genuinely could benefit from medication. What everyone else is doing really shouldn't make any difference. Try the medication, see if it helps. (The mood diary is a pretty good idea in that regard, so you have some 'evidence' for whether or not you're seeing improvement.)
|
| # ? Feb 26, 2013 09:37 |
|
|
quote:Nah, haven't gotten it yet. Just got my prescription coverage card in the mail today. I can go pick it up tomorrow. I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday and seeing what she thinks. I don't necessarily want to start taking it because I've already decided I'm not returning to that psychiatrist. He didn't make me feel comfortable and he charged me way too much money for me to be returning to him. Woah you posted that at the same time as me. While your psychiatrist does sound like poo poo, do no write off medication. It can do amazing things.
|
| # ? Feb 27, 2013 04:40 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 22, 2013 09:49 |
|
|
Alright alright. Today I said, gently caress it, I'll go get the medication and start taking it. Then I realized that I didn't receive my insurance card in the mail, rather they sent me paperwork asking for my social security card, drivers license, and a utility payment to prove I am who I say before they give it to me. Argh. Got all that poo poo taken care of at work and sent it off, though. Got a MIDI interface for my iPad, it's pretty cool using SoundPrism to control my MicroKorg, haven't tried anything else yet. I think I'm going to clean up the music area of my apartment this weekend. It's a mess of cables and equipment right now. I need to get some stands to get all my stuff off the ground. I also got a book on electronic music production that looks pretty good so I'm going to read through that. I owe $1100 unexpectedly to the government because not enough income was withheld from my paychecks to match my tax liability this year, so that's cool and kind of annoying because I was trying to get my savings up. I want to "get out"... but honestly it's really miserable around here due to the weather(nasty slush and puddles) and I'm not sure where to go and what to do. I want to meet some new people and maybe some girls though. I don't know where a 25 year old person would hang out here during the winter, though. I'm not super into drinking any more(anxiety in particular makes it unenjoyable, I feel nauseous normally and I can't take shots any more because they really set off my gag reflex, for instance) and I live far enough from downtown for it to not be walkable, so bars aren't what I'd prefer. I dunno. I go to concerts pretty regularly but it's mostly younger people at them. Where would you recommend I go if I wanted to meet some people around my age?
|
| # ? Feb 27, 2013 23:43 |
|
