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It is a sad day in American when schools need metal detectors and locks on doors because of the dangers facing children today. However American like its SAT scores has fallen to a new low today. Forget trained armed police roaming the halls of your local school, no it's gotten so bad we can only turn to one man. Steven Segal. Recently Merica's sheriff Joe Arpaio has brought in Segal to train his volunteer posse in martial arts. This volunteer posse is made up of untrained right wing leaning locals that didn't go to Hawaii to investigate Obama's birth certificate, patrol the border and People have been critical of "Under Siege III: Recess Gets Real," and have loudly voiced some concern with the move widely seen as a publicity stunt. Now Steven Segal, the man responsible for every bad Steven Segal movie, has miraculously dodged the bullet of irony by calling his critics "an embarrassment to the human race." I'd like to end this post seriously but since this is about Steven Segal being tasked with saving America's children we are all poo poo out of luck. Here is a link for reference: http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blog...topstories.html
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 04:32 |
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| # ? May 19, 2013 14:20 |
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I don't get this. Seagal is supposed to be a Buddhist and has lived in a foreign culture for a long time. Why is he now helping some aspiring hillbilly dictator intimidate schoolkids? Training somebody's private SS troops in martial arts isn't exactly a zen move.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 04:39 |
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Frog posted:I don't get this. Seagal is supposed to be a Buddhist and has lived in a foreign culture for a long time. Why is he now helping some aspiring hillbilly dictator intimidate schoolkids? Training somebody's private SS troops in martial arts isn't exactly a zen move. Maybe he is just hard up for money?
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 04:43 |
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Frog posted:I don't get this. Seagal is supposed to be a Buddhist and has lived in a foreign culture for a long time. Why is he now helping some aspiring hillbilly dictator intimidate schoolkids? Training somebody's private SS troops in martial arts isn't exactly a zen move. You can't be surprised that he never actually gave a poo poo about Buddhism and used it to milk chumps for money.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:00 |
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Steven Seagal posted:Anybody who has criticized me or the sheriff for standing up to help the children, in my opinion, is an embarrassment to the human race.  Yes, trot out that age-old chestnut of "the children". Every single loving metric that is out there is screaming that this state is lovely and getting shittier for kids, but hey, we have an 80's movie star to train our 80-year-olds! gently caress this.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:06 |
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If you want to talk about embarrassments to the human race, you really can't do any better than Sheriff
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:13 |
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Scooter_McCabe posted:...his critics "an embarrassment to the human race." That's some serious projection.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:15 |
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So, these guys are just going to be really good at hitting people in the dick, right?
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:28 |
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They'll be really good at beating up black kids and hispanic kids.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:29 |
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PT6A posted:If you want to talk about embarrassments to the human race, you really can't do any better than Sheriff That's actually rather well put, poetically. Hell, I was in North Korea at this point literally 10 years ago (Chinese New year 2003), and I never in any way felt in danger. In North Korea. I'd be paranoid as gently caress going through Maricopa County. I'm Eurasian, look half white half...what? Throw him into the locker just to be safe. The whole Sheriff's Posse and Steven Segal are embarrassments to upright humanoids. I think I can even hear the chimpanzees weeping from the depths of the Sahara all the way from Hong loving Kong.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:31 |
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I am counting the days until a student is accidentally shot.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:31 |
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Bash Ironfist posted:They'll be really good at beating up black kids and hispanic kids. If he wanted that, why would Sheriff Joe get Segal to help out when his deputies would be more than able to handle that part of the training? Seriously, the amount of love Sheriff Joe gets shown in some quarters makes me think that if Dachau had a program where the Jews wore pink underwear and took care of stray dogs, a good portion of America would've got right on board with Hitler. I've even heard some Canadians support him; I tell them they are repugnant to support such a man, and then I stop associating with them because I do not make a habit of associating with broken people. PT6A fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 05:36 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:33 |
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ChuckDeNomolos posted:So, these guys are just going to be really good at hitting people in the dick, right? They'll all have black belts in dick punching.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:34 |
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ChuckDeNomolos posted:So, these guys are just going to be really good at hitting people in the dick, right? They're armed, so shot and then punched in the dick. It's all for the kids. 
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:35 |
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Reminder that Seagal is now and has always been a total loving loser.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 05:43 |
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Looks like Steven Seagal was the final option after all.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:03 |
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Maledict posted:That's actually rather well put, poetically. Hell, I was in North Korea at this point literally 10 years ago (Chinese New year 2003), and I never in any way felt in danger. In North Korea. I'd be paranoid as gently caress going through Maricopa County. I'm Eurasian, look half white half...what? Throw him into the locker just to be safe. poo poo like this is just ridiculous. Yes, Arpaio is a terrible piece of poo poo and yes there's a lot of stupid poo poo politicians here do. No, living in Maricopa County is not like living in Germany in the 1930s with Jews played by browns now. I've lived in Phoenix most my life. My parents both immigrated from Mexico, I'm brown as hell, probably look like a n'er do well to a lot of folks on account of all the tattoos and such. I live a couple minutes away from Arpaio's 4th avenue jail. I've never feared for my safety or my rights while living here, never been harassed by cops, never had any negative experiences with any here. Have lots of family here, many immigrants themselves, lots of friends with the same type of background. We're not getting rounded up and thrown into concentration camps, or really harassed in any way whatsoever. Goons love to take poo poo they don't have any experience with and blow it out of proportion. Arpaio is terrible and I'm hoping we get enough signatures to recall him like we did with Russel Pierce, but the ideas you people have of what it's like to be brown and live in Maricopa Country are pretty ridiculous. LEGIT WAR CRIMINAL fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 06:15 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:05 |
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Frog posted:I don't get this. Seagal is supposed to be a Buddhist and has lived in a foreign culture for a long time. Why is he now helping some aspiring hillbilly dictator intimidate schoolkids? Training somebody's private SS troops in martial arts isn't exactly a zen move. He had a "reality show" where he was a cop for a while. It was basically him driving around, flashing the lights and yelling at people. I think Shaq did a better job being a real police officer. Some kid is going to get shot from this, and soon. And that isn't going to fix anything, because all of the supporters will say the kid did something to deserve it. I agree with everyone saying they wouldn't feel safe going there. I'd rather walk around Baltimore on my own, as a female, than drive through Arizona again.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:06 |
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Steven Segal is what happens when William Shatner never takes the role of Captain Kirk and then continues advancing and eventually goes too far.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:11 |
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Steven Seagal is trained in Akido. Am I wrong in thinking Akido is like the fakest martial art in the world and it's mostly dudes flipping themselves while running at a stationary person who pretends to flip them with the Force? Cause I'm pretty sure that's what Akido is and it shouldn't be anywhere near people who are actually looking to protect themselves.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:20 |
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Now I want to watch some MadTV where Will Sasso portrayed Segal. True story: Segal got banned from SNL not for anything he said or did exactly but just for being a dick and Lorne Michaels has been fairly public about this fact.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:22 |
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Look, clearly the sheriff thinks that schools are currently on deadly ground, and they need to be kept safe by a man that we know is hard to kill. Arpaio has been accused of acting like he is above the law, but in this case I think he really is out for justice.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 06:57 |
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This is always relevant to a Steven Segal discussion, especially one about him being a giant douche. Joe Rogan recounts the story Gene Lebell told him about choking Segal out. Lebell seems apprehensive to tell this story publicly anymore but it's too awesome to not believe.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 07:05 |
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Dauntasa posted:They'll all have black belts in dick punching. I believe you mean cock punching.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 07:06 |
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SteveVizsla posted:I agree with everyone saying they wouldn't feel safe going there. I'd rather walk around Baltimore on my own, as a female, than drive through Arizona again. I bet driving through a state really gives you a good impression of the place. I've heard that Sheriff Joe's posse will ram you off the road Mad Max style to steal your oil. It really is a dangerous place. Maybe you're just afraid of deserts and gas stations?
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 07:25 |
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This is all going to backfire when the newly trained volunteers arrive in the schools, only to find them completely bare of harnesses suspended from wires, mats to fall on, and fight choreographers. And it is then that the enemy clan will make their move.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 07:46 |
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Intrusive Thoughts posted:Now I want to watch some MadTV where Will Sasso portrayed Segal. Sasso's portrayal wasn't even parody. Segal is just that terrible an actor. Why the hell did he even get work? Is Hollywood that hard up for a white man who's into Martial Arts? Hell, include Chuck Norris into that pool of suck.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 07:47 |
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SteveVizsla posted:I agree with everyone saying they wouldn't feel safe going there. I'd rather walk around Baltimore on my own, as a female, than drive through Arizona again. I like watching "The Wire" so my conclusions are that Baltimore is a corrupt shithole full of gay drug dealers.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 08:21 |
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Ape Has Killed Ape posted:This is all going to backfire when the newly trained volunteers arrive in the schools, only to find them completely bare of harnesses suspended from wires, mats to fall on, and fight choreographers. And it is then that the enemy clan will make their move. If everyone is patrolling the schools then WHO IS GUARDING THE DOJO?
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 08:35 |
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Vhak lord of hate posted:If everyone is patrolling the schools then WHO IS GUARDING THE DOJO? OH NO SENSEI
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 08:48 |
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Aesop Poprock posted:Steven Seagal is trained in Akido. Am I wrong in thinking Akido is like the fakest martial art in the world and it's mostly dudes flipping themselves while running at a stationary person who pretends to flip them with the Force? Cause I'm pretty sure that's what Akido is and it shouldn't be anywhere near people who are actually looking to protect themselves. I practiced Aikido for a year and this is pretty much what it is in my experience. The techniques you do have an effect so it's not just dudes throwing themselves (though there is a bit of that when you take a fall and stuff) but the main reason why it would suck in a real fight is that you "use your opponents energy against him" which from my experience plain doesn't work if your opponent is a lot bigger and stronger than you are (but they say that it will, so people think they could win in a fight when they would get destroyed). Another reason is that you practice in a very static way, like a dude will throw a very slow punch at your face, and then you do the technique you are practicing. That will of course never happen in a real fight so if someone comes rushing at swinging like crazy I think most Aikido practitioners would freak out and get taken down. And there's no ground fighting in Aikido so good luck if you get wrestled to the ground.  That said the techniques are not totally bogus, and if you are an 8th degree black belt and have trained for 50 years I'm sure you would win if some drunken guy takes a swing at you but probably not a whole lot more than that. Kal fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 09:10 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 09:08 |
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Steven Segal thinks all black people have magic powers. No, really, in the show where he pretended to be a cop he would tell them to harness their energy to pull themselves out of whatever problem they were in.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 09:21 |
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Something is wrong with Steven Segal's hairline.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 10:01 |
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Cameron posted:Something is wrong with Steven Segal's hairline. Everything is wrong with Steven Segal.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 10:18 |
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Blade_of_tyshalle posted:Reminder that Seagal is now and has always been a total loving loser. "One day an executive walked into Seagal's trailer and found Hollywood's reigning manly man... weeping. 'Oh, I'm reading this script,' Seagal explained, still misty. 'It's the most incredible script I've ever read.' 'That's fantastic,' the executive said, 'Who wrote it?' Seagal didn't miss a beat. 'I did,' he replied." 
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 10:24 |
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goku im piss posted:I like watching "The Wire" so my conclusions are that Baltimore is a corrupt shithole full of gay drug dealers. Omar wasn't a drug dealer, he'd just rip and run, fool. I remember I told my mom about that famous Sheriff Arpaio story where his men used excessive force (riot gear, tear gas, etc) to apprehend a suspect with an outstanding warrant (I think it was something minor too, like a traffic violation). They were told he had guns and was going to use them, so they acted like they were well within their rights. Well, they ended up setting this guy's house on fire, destroyed a neighbors car by running over it with an Armored Personnel Carrier (they needed one of those too), and killed a pitbull. I told my right-wing mother the story but left out the pitbull part. She first said, smugly: "Totally justified use of force." I expected that from her. She's the typical Fox News loving anti-Obama conservative. So then I told her about how they sprayed a pitbull puppy with a fire extinguisher to make him run back into the burning house, and then laughed at the family's cries while they heard the puppy yelping for help until it burned to death. Then I told her to imagine if that was Mason, our 1-year old pitbull that she LOVES to DEATH. Her opinion changed on the matter almost immediately. Link to story: http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2004...ay-afternoon/2/ And of course, ol' Joe Arpaio has been trying to look like a dog lover ever since: http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/va...desperate_t.php Captain Pancakes fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 10:47 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 10:35 |
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Kal posted:the main reason why it would suck in a real fight is that you "use your opponents energy against him" which from my experience plain doesn't work if your opponent is a lot bigger and stronger than you are (but they say that it will, so people think they could win in a fight when they would get destroyed). The general concept is good, but it's really not as easy as it sounds and without the right techniques yeah you'll probably get your rear end beat. Otherwise pretty much every martial art will tell you to use the opponent's momentum against him. A huge dude at a bar throwing a haymaker at you will be off balance and if you move out of the way and let him throw it then grab his arm and pull he'll fall but eh. Takes a lot of practice and a martial art that doesn't require your opponent to be moving super slow for you. Most real martial arts will tell you the best defense is run the gently caress away. Captain Pankcakes posted:They were told he had guns and was going to use them, so they acted like they were well within their rights. Anyone who thinks what Sheriff Fuckhead does with an APC is a justified use of force is a loving moron, sorry dude whose mom that is, because the loving police shouldn't have military hardware in the first place. I can picture the circlejerk when they got this and it doesn't actually fire I'm sure and they couldn't get ammo for it, but by god they'll drive it through your front door  
Moridin920 fucked around with this message at Feb 11, 2013 around 11:17 |
| # ? Feb 11, 2013 11:13 |
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Moridin920 posted:The general concept is good, but it's really not as easy as it sounds and without the right techniques yeah you'll probably get your rear end beat. Otherwise pretty much every martial art will tell you to use the opponent's momentum against him. A huge dude at a bar throwing a haymaker at you will be off balance and if you move out of the way and let him throw it then grab his arm and pull he'll fall but eh. Takes a lot of practice and a martial art that doesn't require your opponent to be moving super slow for you. Most real martial arts will tell you the best defense is run the gently caress away. Wouldn't they need an actual tank mechanic to keep that thing running? I don't imagine it's as easy as replacing a belt on their cruisers when that thing goes on the fritz.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 11:20 |
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Blast of Confetti posted:Wouldn't they need an actual tank mechanic to keep that thing running? I don't imagine it's as easy as replacing a belt on their cruisers when that thing goes on the fritz. Probably also true. I'll bet a police department can swing repairs though if they can purchase it in the first place maybe? I like that alcohol is crossed out on the back of it. It's like a callback to original prohibition and the original formation of serious organized crime in the country!
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 11:28 |
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| # ? May 19, 2013 14:20 |
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Our local policeman used to run the school discos. He didn't have a tank. He was a local hero for a few weeks after putting out a kitchen pan fire using a damp tea towel. Is it wrong that I am slightly jealous about not having the experience of growing up surrounded by crazy people in positions of authority? There is one of those "When I met 'X'" type programs about Steven Seagull that has been uploaded to youtube. He talks about his time in Japan and when he was challenged to fights to the death by people from rival karate schools. It's like his films are autobiographical. I'll try to find a link but I'm at work, but it's there.
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| # ? Feb 11, 2013 11:31 |
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