Make the worst simulator games - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Make the worst simulator games

Brother Jonathan: Jun 23, 2008; Keep on Truckin'

The Germans make some extraordinarily specific simulators, including

airport fire departments:

and street sweepers:

Many of them manage to be more boring than the real thing, such as Road Construction Simulator:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQxnP02qTlY

or Garbage Truck Simulator:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0bisE5ukqM

Judging from the number of YouTube Let's Plays that they generate, the main market for these simulators is people buying them ironically. But I'm sure that we could come up with better ideas for the ironic market than they can. Here are a few of mine to get started: (Note that I don't speak German and just used a dictionary. Sorry, German people!)

Have fun playing a German legislator!

Have more fun (much more fun) cutting and laying tile!

And then EXTREME FLOOR SANDING!

# ? Feb 11, 2013 22:51

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# ? May 24, 2013 08:01

C.C.C.P.: Aug 26, 2005; by Y Kant Ozma Post

I want German Legislator Simulator 2013 to be real if only for the ironic dubstep remixes on Youtube.

"NO SCOPE BUDGET VOTE!!!111 gg n00b SPD4lyfe"

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:01

Jacobus Spades: Oct 29, 2004; Oh wow!

This is the only simulator you'll ever need.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:05

Tazzillekki: Nov 11, 2012

Is there really a market for these kinds of games. Putting aside the people who play these kinds of games "ironically", does anyone actually buy those? What goes through the mind of the developers? Is there some deranged, yet incredibly boring, rich guy who keeps funding these games?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:09

Parallel Paraplegic: Mar 2, 2010; HELP IM CRY

Tazzillekki posted:

Is there really a market for these kinds of games. Putting aside the people who play these kinds of games "ironically", does anyone actually buy those? What goes through the mind of the developers? Is there some deranged, yet incredibly boring, rich guy who keeps funding these games?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Apparently Germans actually buy them a lot. Also, have you ever met a trainspotter or someone who was into model railroads just a little too much? Those kinds of people.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:12

Brother Jonathan: Jun 23, 2008; Keep on Truckin'

C.C.C.P. posted:

I want German Legislator Simulator 2013 to be real if only for the ironic dubstep remixes on Youtube.

"NO SCOPE BUDGET VOTE!!!111 gg n00b SPD4lyfe"

Share your favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJHrmliVQw

Tazzillekki posted:

Is there really a market for these kinds of games.

There are so many produced that someone has to be buying them!

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:15

NewtGoongrich: Jan 21, 2012; Can't post for 3 days!

Parallel Paraplegic posted:

Apparently Germans actually buy them a lot. Also, have you ever met a trainspotter or someone who was into model railroads just a little too much? Those kinds of people.

So basically what you're saying is that Germans buy them unironically?

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:20

Toiletron 9000: Apr 8, 2005; I can taste the music!

Tazzillekki posted:

Is there really a market for these kinds of games. Putting aside the people who play these kinds of games "ironically", does anyone actually buy those? What goes through the mind of the developers? Is there some deranged, yet incredibly boring, rich guy who keeps funding these games?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Maybe it's related to the same tax loophole that a certain german director of lovely videogame movies uses?

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:21

Palpatine MD: Jan 31, 2012; Passionate about your involuntary euthanasia.

2012 simulator

Palpatine MD fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 00:13

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:23

Random Stranger: Nov 27, 2009

C.C.C.P. posted:

I want German Legislator Simulator 2013 to be real if only for the ironic dubstep remixes on Youtube.

"NO SCOPE BUDGET VOTE!!!111 gg n00b SPD4lyfe"

It does, assuming that you are willing to play a game that doesn't use electricity: http://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/1/die-macher .

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:24

Chamale: Jul 11, 2010; Men on the moon and men spinning around the earth and there's not no attention paid to earthly law and order.

I read some goon talking about his hobby of playing flight simulators and just flying his jumbo jet safely across the country. It's weird.

I personally enjoy a World War II game that's mostly about hiding in fields listening to distant gunfire and trying not to attract attention, so I guess there's no accounting for taste.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:28

Aye-Aye: Jan 23, 2007; We've become more monster than monkey.

Jacobus Spades posted:

This is the only simulator you'll ever need.

This is the most frustrating thing I've ever experienced.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:31

Obsidius: Nov 18, 2009; If you ever drop your
keys into a river of molten
lava, let 'em go, because
man, they're gone.

Tazzillekki posted:

Is there really a market for these kinds of games.

I bought Farming Simulator 2011 just out of curiosity to see how bad it could actually be, I now have the 2013 version too and have spent way too many hours tending to my fields. I really wanted a police simulator but they all seem really bad.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:31

flatbus: Sep 19, 2012

Brother Jonathan posted:

Share your favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJHrmliVQw

There are so many produced that someone has to be buying them!

I browsed through their entire catalog. I am sincerely disappointed that Tankwagen-simulator 2011 does not mean what it looks like in English.

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:33

Palpatine MD: Jan 31, 2012; Passionate about your involuntary euthanasia.

One more for the thread. Surely goons can come up with actually funny ones?

Watching Paint Dry

Palpatine MD fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 00:12

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:37

J Corp: Oct 16, 2006; I risked hypothermia and broken limbs and all I got was this shitty avatar and a severe case of shrinkage

Could everybody please post the english translation of the title along with the image, at least in spoiler tags or something?

# ? Feb 11, 2013 23:57

Wolfy: Jul 13, 2009

Chamale posted:

I read some goon talking about his hobby of playing flight simulators and just flying his jumbo jet safely across the country. It's weird.

The thing about flight simulators, is that most of the popular ones are pretty well made. If you like flying planes around for six hours, you're going to have a pretty good time. The physics and the modelling of the flight computers on some planes is pretty amazing. These German simulators, and I've tried a few out of curiosity, are loving terrible and on the level of Valusoft. Even if you loved garbage trucks, there's no way you could enjoy the game.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:02

Aphtonites: Dec 25, 2012

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:02

poptart_fairy: Apr 8, 2009; it's so magical

Jesus christ, even the most benign of statements seems terrifying when in German.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:06

Emy: Apr 21, 2009

Do not operate heavy machinery while using this software?

There go my hopes for the Staplerfahrer Klaus Simulator 2013.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:14

Enos Shenk: Nov 3, 2011

Am I weird for actually kindof wanting to make this myself for onegameamonth?

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:17

Crovie: Dec 25, 2009; I'm sticking with the Sedins!

Enos Shenk posted:

Am I weird for actually kindof wanting to make this myself for onegameamonth?

http://www.google.com/doodles/zamboni

Not exactly a simulator but they sure put some effort into it! I actually didn't realize they did a retro game manual until I went to look for it.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:23

Aphtonites: Dec 25, 2012

Emy posted:

Do not operate heavy machinery while using this software?

There go my hopes for the Staplerfahrer Klaus Simulator 2013.

I was thinking of that same video when I added the "do not operate heavy machinery" part

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:23

Experto Crede: Aug 19, 2008; _{Mod Secrets #281 - FrancisYorkPatty is the one who bought most of those frog avatars}

Unemployment Benefits Simulator 2013!

All the excitement of welfare, can you beat the odds of governmental and societal contempt and survive from month-to-month?

No, you probably can't

Experto Crede fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 00:27

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:24

Sandpuppy: Jun 16, 2012

Brother Jonathan posted:

I keep seeing this as Fahrvergnugen Simulator.

Why do they all use the same font on their titles? They're not all by the same company.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:26

I Appreciate You: Feb 15, 2012

Yeah, from what I've experienced earnestly enjoying these video games would be sehr typisch deutsch.

Germans seem to be very enthusiastic and thorough about having unbelievably boring hobbies.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:29

Aphtonites: Dec 25, 2012

Sandpuppy posted:

I keep seeing this as Fahrvergnugen Simulator.

Why do they all use the same font on their titles? They're not all by the same company.

I think they are all just trying to knock off on the logos Microsoft made for some of their simulation games.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:30

Lucy Heartfilia: May 31, 2012; Step 1: A anime with a friend.
Step 2: A anime to keep the cold out.
Step 3: A anime too much.
Step 4: Drunk and riotous.
Step 5: The summit attained. Jolly companions, a confirmed waifu.
Step 6: Poverty and Disease.
Step 7: Forsaken by Friends
Step 8: Desperation and crime
Step 9: Death by suicide

Sandpuppy posted:

I keep seeing this as Fahrvergnugen Simulator.

Why do they all use the same font on their titles? They're not all by the same company.

Brand recognition. Duh.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:30

Lt. Tanaka: Apr 30, 2007

I spent hours pulling weeds on Animal Crossing and would buy both the Zamboni and Street Sweeper Simulator.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:30

pwnyXpress: Mar 28, 2007; fastest male in the west

If anyone is curious about people actually enjoying these, there is actually a thread for Euro Truck Simulator 2:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...40&pagenumber=1

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:40

Experto Crede: Aug 19, 2008; _{Mod Secrets #281 - FrancisYorkPatty is the one who bought most of those frog avatars}

Rindfleischetikettierungs�berwachungsaufgaben�bertragungsgesetz Simulator!

The thrills and spills of the world of beef labeling oversight transfer law. Ensuring beef labelling meets the correct standards!

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:42

Brother Jonathan: Jun 23, 2008; Keep on Truckin'

Emy posted:

Do not operate heavy machinery while using this software?

There go my hopes for the Staplerfahrer Klaus Simulator 2013.

There is a forklift simulator�alas, with no geysers of arterial blood spraying everywhere�and RChimp Cola did a Let's Play of it way back: Forkin' Hard, or Hardly Forkin'? Gabelstapler Simulator 2009. It's archived, so here is the OP:

RChimp Cola posted:

Hello, friends. You are about to embark on a magical journey. A mysterious trek to the center of your very soul. Relax, whatever you find there you can keep. You are about to witness 'Gabelstapler Simulator' 2009. It will be a vision quest of many twists and turns, and in the end only you can decide what transpires.

And who am I? I'm your spirit guide on this voyage to the core of your very being. I will guide you along the wa--okay enough of that new age bullshit. This is a forklift simulator. It simulates lifting forks. I drive a forklift. I'm going to see if I can drive this virtual forklift for all I'm worth. Bear in mind this simulator has none of the depth of the National Commission on Safety SAFETYWORKS Lift Truck simulator, but also bear in mind that I don't have $2,340.00 to buy the National Commission on Safety SAFETYWORKS Lift Truck Simulator. That is a dream that can never be.

So, pull up a chair. Turn your eyeballs forkward. Please enjoy from this following selection of videos for Gabelstapler Simulator 2009. But remember, do so at your own, I dunno peril I guess. Whatever.

Video #1: Forklift License Training 2009! Viddler/Grimfiend
Bonus Video #1: Freies Spiel Jam Session 2009! Viddler
Video #2: Forklift Mission 1: Unloading 2009! Viddler
Video #3: Forklift Mission 2: Loading 2009! Viddler
Video #4: Forklift Mission 3: Condensing Similar Freight 2009! Viddler
Bonus Video #2: Cranes! 2009! Viddler
Bonus Video #3: House! 2009! Viddler
Bonus Video: Abandon Thread ye who clicken here 2009! Youtube? The gently caress?

Some people miss this two posts down. KLAUS

Sinatrapod posted:

I have been waiting all my life to get my gables stapled and I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:43

jabby: Oct 27, 2010

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:46

Three-Phase: Aug 5, 2006; Four phases.

One-two-three-fucking-four phases.

Also, mods should be doing more of this custom title shit to maintain the funny. I don't mind the , but it reflects poorly on the forums.

MLG - 360 Forklifting

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:49

Grogsy: Feb 8, 2013; i put on my robe and wizard hat

It's actually a spreadsheet simulator

# ? Feb 12, 2013 00:52

nippythefish: Nov 20, 2007; Not such a bad gar, after all.

Paint, don't fail me now.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 01:30

InstantInfidel: Jan 8, 2010; BEST I EVER SPENT

Grogsy posted:

It's actually a spreadsheet simulator

Nice.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 01:43

jazzyhattrick: Jul 1, 2010

# ? Feb 12, 2013 01:56

DSauer: Sep 13, 2005; Socialize Everything!

If the posts about Euro-Truck simulator in the games forum is anything to go by; even goons are fascinated with these sorts of games. Judging by the number of train simulator games and addons available on steam there's either a huge number of folks that enjoy that sort of game; or a small number of folks with way to much disposable income.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 01:57

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# ? May 24, 2013 08:01

coldpudding: May 14, 2009

this thing is a total ripoff dude, you only get 3 walls in the base game and the rest you have to buy for $10 a piece

# ? Feb 12, 2013 02:40

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Make the worst simulator games