Make the worst simulator games - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Make the worst simulator games

Tarquinn: Jul 3, 2007

genesplicer posted:

English: Butterfly
French: Papillon
German: Schmetterling

For some reason, the German sounds less like a pretty insect and more like something that will dive out of the sky and paralyze you with a horribly painful, venomous sting, then lay eggs in you, so that you feel the young devouring you, but are powerless to do anything about it.

All of the words sound bad if you shout them at the top of your lungs like in that horrible skit.

Tarquinn fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 12:34

# ? Feb 12, 2013 12:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2013 03:26

MoraleHazard: Aug 21, 2012; It's Zoidberg, John Fucking Zoidberg!

So is there the Jewish inmate epic arc and the SS Guard epic arc? Winning the former results in liberation by the Americans and successful business in Great Neck, Long Island? "Winning" the latter means escaping to Uruguay to continue hideous medical "experiments"?

# ? Feb 12, 2013 12:41

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; What did you do, Ray?

Experto Crede posted:

Unemployment Benefits Simulator 2013!

All the excitement of welfare, can you beat the odds of governmental and societal contempt and survive from month-to-month?

No, you probably can't

There was a recent successful Kickstarter campaign for a game along similar lines:

quote:

iBeg is a mobile game that simulates the life of a homeless person living on the streets of Vancouver, BC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmJ_qVTlWR8

People actually spit at you and punch you if you 'approach' them incorrectly.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 12:47

tetsman: Dec 26, 2012

Since flight sims are so popular, I think it's time for me to tap into that market!

# ? Feb 12, 2013 14:03

genesplicer: Oct 19, 2002; FORUMS SENIOR CITIZEN Ask me about:
joining the AARP; Social Security; prostate exams; why rock music is too loud; wearing orthopedic shoes and prescription pant

skipThings posted:

You spell that "Schmetterling" with a G, like in "dieing", stop abusing our wonderful language, Schweinhund

Apologies. There is a high likelihood that my last German class happened before your birth...

In any event, it still sounds frightening.

Tarquinn posted:

All of the words sound bad if you shout them at the top of your lungs like in that horrible skit.

Never saw it. Which skit? (When I learned German, my teachers, Frau Stefan and Herr Perry both gave us this example for some reason.)

genesplicer fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 14:36

# ? Feb 12, 2013 14:31

Law: Apr 10, 2007; Incest fan.

Brother Jonathan posted:

Share your favorites!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEJHrmliVQw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnAMDg7IVWs

Train simulator bitch, mother fucker what you know?

# ? Feb 12, 2013 14:46

SpicyMeatSandwich: Apr 22, 2007; I'M A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING WHO WANTS TO EXECUTE EVERYONE THAT HAS A LIFE SENTENCE IN PRISON. IF YOU SEE ME POSTING THEN ASK ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE: threadid=3437637, post395571319

Jacobus Spades posted:

This is the only simulator you'll ever need.

Edit: Looks like I'm not a very good surgeon.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 14:47

Lacklustre Hero: Jan 4, 2012; "I watch Rugby League for only one man."

Team Anasta

Jacobus Spades posted:

This is the only simulator you'll ever need.

Despite being impossible to play, there is endless amusement in being a surgeon that strokes his patient's lungs and cuts his face with a bonesaw

# ? Feb 12, 2013 15:04

Elbonio: Dec 20, 2006; "EEETAAALAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

edit: yes I know this is a Frankenstein's monster of The Sims and Sim City but I don't care, the Sim City font wasn't recognisable enough

Elbonio fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2013 around 15:20

# ? Feb 12, 2013 15:13

Saigyouji: Aug 26, 2011; Would you die for me please...?

And for just 99c, you can buy the Spirits DLC!

# ? Feb 12, 2013 16:48

bucketmouse: Aug 16, 2004; enhance enhance enhance

Grogsy posted:

It's actually a spreadsheet simulator

you're doing it wrong

# ? Feb 12, 2013 16:55

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; I shoot my gun and Java be dancin'

Law posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnAMDg7IVWs

Train simulator bitch, mother fucker what you know?

The last part has me in tears, oh my god

# ? Feb 12, 2013 16:59

tetsman: Dec 26, 2012

# ? Feb 12, 2013 17:11

Criminally stylish: Dec 12, 2010; It's totally fine if you want to ride my disco-stick.

GIMMEL posted:

The IRAQ-version is so much better. You can upgrade shovels and it has custom weather.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 17:37

BAKA FLOCKA FLAME: Oct 9, 2012; If you see me posting in the trans megathread, report me so I can be banned! Thank you!

love, the management

Grogsy posted:

It's actually a spreadsheet simulator

# ? Feb 12, 2013 18:27

Mr Havafap: Mar 27, 2005; The wurst kind of sausage

genesplicer posted:

Apologies. There is a high likelihood that my last German class happened before your birth...

In any event, it still sounds frightening.

To fully grasp Schmetterling you need to know that "schmetter" means "to smash".
So a butterfly -which in any other language is a kind of harmless flying flower, a portent of warm summer days and indolence- is to a German a nuisance that would wreak mayhem and destruction had it but more power in its flapping.
Which brings us to chaos theory, the true nightmare of the German soul; that a storm could have its genitor in a butterfly's random fluttering is no coincidence to them. I wouldn't be surprised to see some radical proposal coming from our teutonic friends, a measure that would put an end to this unconscientious flicking about once and for all, a .. but the term escapes me.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 18:48

Keetron: Sep 26, 2008; freeballin freemason

Tarquinn posted:

genesplicer" post="412453298 posted:
English: Butterfly
French: Papillon
German: Schmetterlink

For some reason, the German sounds less like a pretty insect and more like something that will dive out of the sky and paralyze you with a horribly painful, venomous sting, then lay eggs in you, so that you feel the young devouring you, but are powerless to do anything about it.

All of the words sound bad if you shout them at the top of your lungs like in that horrible skit.

NOW READ THIS IN MY VOICE: SCHMETTERLING

Bonus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA

# ? Feb 12, 2013 19:11

Tarquinn: Jul 3, 2007

genesplicer posted:

Never saw it. Which skit? (When I learned German, my teachers, Frau Stefan and Herr Perry both gave us this example for some reason.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9ehI6nyZNM

It's bad.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 19:15

Brother Jonathan: Jun 23, 2008; Keep on Truckin'

Law posted:

Train simulator bitch, mother fucker what you know?

I believe that this is the one that started it all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rulElJITIVY

But I personally like the train simulators.

# ? Feb 12, 2013 19:16

Hugs Boson: Feb 3, 2011; Elementary.

Mr Havafap posted:

To fully grasp Schmetterling you need to know that "schmetter" means "to smash".

Interestingly enough, "Schmetter" in the case of "Schmetterling" comes form "Schmetten", which is an old German/Austrian word for "sour creme" (the modern standard German equivalent would be "Schmand"... or, you know, "Butter"). It basically means the same as the English "butterfly".

Furniture Assembly Simulator 2

# ? Feb 12, 2013 20:43

m4dc0w: Jul 25, 2006; Baked on a true story.

A while back there was a thread about a random video game name generator...

# ? Feb 12, 2013 21:07

Farecoal: Oct 15, 2011; A product of Hugs Boson Industries

Lacklustre Hero posted:

Despite being impossible to play, there is endless amusement in being a surgeon that strokes his patient's lungs and cuts his face with a bonesaw

I beat it on my second try

Granted, I left a knife in his chest cavity, but meh

Brother Jonathan posted:

I believe that this is the one that started it all:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rulElJITIVY

But I personally like the train simulators.

Your username is the name of the locomotive in your avatar, right?

# ? Feb 12, 2013 22:39

Brother Jonathan: Jun 23, 2008; Keep on Truckin'

Farecoal posted:

Your username is the name of the locomotive in your avatar, right?

Congratulations! You are the first person in five years to make the connection!

# ? Feb 12, 2013 23:18

Crawley Heat: Dec 27, 2011; by T. Mascis

With PC thing in corner, for completitude

Crawley Heat fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2013 around 10:17

# ? Feb 13, 2013 00:05

Steve Yun: Aug 7, 2003; I
ANALYZE
CARTOONS

Bulgarian Congress Simulator

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdw8VA6DWds

# ? Feb 13, 2013 00:35

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001

Commodore posted:

Am I the only one who sees an old Sean Bean on the cover? Will the portrayed Hans die in the course of the game, then?

Well he will have reached a ripe old age after navigating Germany's health care system, but yes, even German Sean Bean's death is certain.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 02:16

Farecoal: Oct 15, 2011; A product of Hugs Boson Industries

Brother Jonathan posted:

Congratulations! You are the first person in five years to make the connection!

I had a book of locomotives I read obsessively as a kid, that was one of them

# ? Feb 13, 2013 03:05

hyperhazard: Dec 4, 2011; I'M BUTT WIZARD

Saigyouji posted:

And for just 99c, you can buy the Spirits DLC!

As long as you get to make the drinks beforehand.

Seriously, look at that awesome trick pouring.

You know what's more fun than drinking in college? Playing this for hours in college.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 04:19

Painful Dart Bomb: May 22, 2012

# ? Feb 13, 2013 05:12

Canned Panda: Jul 10, 2012

Adult Theater Floor Cleaner

# ? Feb 13, 2013 05:13

Haruharuharuko: Mar 24, 2008; It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why it's cool.

Canned Panda posted:

Adult Theater Floor Cleaner

You can make good money as a jizz moper.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 05:27

Arschlochkind: Mar 28, 2010

KaneTW posted:

You spell that "Schweinehund" with a E, like in "Tina", stop abusing our wonderful language, Arschloch

Hey I know how to spell Schweinehund, Dummkopf.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 07:38

dasbrooner: Apr 6, 2009; Fuck you say about the Emperor?

Crawley Heat posted:

This is absolutely fantastic. Wonder if we'll see it get around the social networks before the election?

# ? Feb 13, 2013 10:03

Dilettante.: Feb 18, 2011

You carefully have to manage what skills you dump your exp into, even if you dump everything into the Consolation tree, there's enough time for the bereaved to make your character panic with their screaming and frenzied wailing if you are lacking in your endurance tree. It can also be critical in the optional mini-games, because you character can potentially overdose on booze and pills if you screw up the qte timings. It's also good Idea to put some exp into the dexterity tree, so you can escape from the inconsolable widow when she raids your apartment in one of the random events.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 12:16

Holistic Detective: Feb 2, 2008; effing the ineffable

Painful Dart Bomb posted:

Ok, this made me laugh way too hard.

# ? Feb 13, 2013 12:36

illectro: Mar 29, 2010; ROCKET SCIENCE

I did some scientific research and analysed the saying 'The Best Way To A Man's Heart Is....' using Surgeon Simulator

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MN1yuKuIXJM

If I had time I would make a surgeon simulator simulator image that simulated playing surgeon simulator using the ampu-tea arm.

# ? Feb 14, 2013 19:37