Murphy's Rules: Your Favorite Game Is Weird

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Murphy's Rules: Your Favorite Game Is Weird

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

D&D 3.5 was a lot of things.

And a lot of THOSE things were horribly broken.

Which eventually culminated in Pun-pun; the absolutely broken character to end all broken characters.

http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Pun-Pun_%283.5e_Optimized_Character_Build%29

Basically, as a Kobold and by a liberal reading of the RAW, Pun-pun could be granted the following ability:

quote:

Manipulate Form

At will, a sarrukh can modify the form of any Scaled One native to Toril, except for aquatic and undead creatures. With a successful touch attack, it can cause one alteration of its choice in the target creature's body. The target falls unconscious for 2d4 rounds due to the shock of changing form. A successful DC 22 Fortitude save negates both the change and the unconsciousness. Sarrukh are immune to this effect.

A sarrukh may use this ability to change a minor aspect of the target creature, such as the shape of its head or the color of its scales. It may also choose to make a much more significant alteration, such as converting limbs into tentacles, changing the overall body shape (snake to humanoid, for example), or adding or removing an appendage. Any ability score may be decreased to a minimum of 1 or increased to a maximum equal to the sarrukh's corresponding score. A sarrukh may also grant the target an extraordinary, supernatural, or spell-like ability or remove one from it.

The change bestowed takes effect immediately and is permanent. Furthermore, the alterations are automatically passed on to all the creature's offspring when it breeds with another of its unmodified kind.

Eventually, through many many uses of this ability, Pun-pun gets an infinite amount of all six ability scores, as well as every single ability, action, and attack that exists in the universe. He has infinite clones. He can kill the entire universe with but a thought. He has gone back in time to kill everyone else who has gone back in time to stop him before he ascends, and he did it before they did. He did this at level 5.

And now, he's done it at level 1.

quote:

Behold Pun-Pun, the mighty kobold.

*** UPDATE ***

Ascension is now achievable (and has been for years... sorry) at level 1. All you need is the will and the know-how. Here's how:

1. Make sure that your alignment is not CE. LG would work best. You want to benefit the multiverse and there is no better way to do that than for it to be like puddy in your hands.
2. You need a Knowledge check of 25 to know that you can summon Pazazu like Beetlejuice. As a Psion with a Sage Psicrystal, an 18 Intelligence, the Skill Focus feat, four ranks in Knowledge (The Planes) and a masterwork item of relevance (say a book), you can take 10 to get 25. It's ok that you got bullied as a child for your narrow focus and strange fascination in all things relating to the planes. It will pay off in the end.
3. Summon Pazuzu by calling out his name three times. He'll appear and be like "Yo! What the hell?!?! What do you want Mor-tal? Power? I can give it!" You'll look all calm and not impressed and be like "I'd prefer a Lawful Evil aligned Candle of Invocation". "There is a price!" the demon lord will scream. "You must go closer to EV-ILL!!!" "Ok" you will say. "I shall be Neutral Good from now on." Pazuzu shouts "If you're going to stick with the one shift limit I would greatly prefer that you shifted to Lawful Neutral over Neutral Good!!!" You will look as if this is a deal breaker and you are ready to leave, then say "You're a real ballbuster but we have a deal."

Now you have your candle.
4. Use the Candle to Gate in an Efreeti. He is under your control so you will command him to grant you three wishes. The first is to Plane Shift to the Astral Plane. The second is for another Candle of Invocation. The third is to stop George Lucas from moving forward on Indiana Jones 5.
5. Use the Candle to Gate in a Sarruhk. Command him to grant you Manipulate Form through the use of Manipulate Form.

Ascend.

People have been arguing about the legality of this build forever, from both a RAW and a RAI perspective. I don't imagine the arguments will ever end.

But if they do, it will be because Pun-pun willed it.

# ¿ Feb 24, 2013 19:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 06:50

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Are we on to Magic now? I don't remember a lot of the cool things since I haven't played in a while but here, let's see how the rules on cards have changed over the years!

These are all the same card, the rules text all means the exact same thing.

Living Lands Alpha, Beta, and Unlimited

quote:

Treat all forests in play as 1/1 creatures. Now they can be enchanted, killed, and so forth, and they can be tapped either for mana or to attack. The living lands have no color; they are not considered green cards.

Revised

quote:

Treat all forests in play as 1/1 creatures. Now they can be enchanted, killed, and so forth, and they can be tapped either for mana or to attack.

4th

quote:

All forests become 1/1 creatures. The forests still count as lands but cannot be tapped for mana the turn they come into play.

5th

quote:

All forests are 1/1 creatures. (These creatures still count as lands.)

6th

quote:

All forests are 1/1 creatures that are still lands.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2013 23:47

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

In the latest edition of the Skaven book (Ratmen, basically) for Warhammer, units of Slaves were changed from previous editions and other units. Instead of running away in terror when they lost combat like most units, units of slaves "exploded" in a flurry of attacks and were then removed from the battlefield. When that happened, every unit (friend or foe) within d6" was hit. They took D3 Strength 3 hits, which isn't all that impressive, beyond the fact that slave units are super cheap.

BUT! "Another hit is added to the total rolled for each additional rank of slaves after the first one."

Normally, a rank is only counted when it has at least 5 models in it (IE, 5 models wide). By a strict (and I mean dickheaded) interpretation of the rules, you could "conga line" your slaves in 1 wide ranks, 20-30 deep. You had to deploy it sideways or else it wouldn't fit, then spend a movement turn reforming to be facing the enemy (which also broke the movement rules but hey if you're going to be a dick, what's a little rules breaking?)

Then when your unit broke, it did D3 Strength 3 hits, +20-30, for a miniscule amount of points. I don't know if anyone every actually tried this but it was debated endlessly.

They have since clarified that yes, they did indeed mean "full rank of 5" and not just "rank" but at this point the Skaven FAQ is 8 pages long and a monstrosity.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2013 06:30

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Mors Rattus posted:

Of course, slaves are still cheap enough that you can probably manage to have like forty or so in a single unit. I have not read the latest Skaven rules, but I know in the old editions they had their own unique rule.

You see, normally, you can't fire through your own units. The rules say your men won't do it. Except Skaven don't give a poo poo about their fellow Skaven. So they had the special rule that they could fire through their own dudes, it would just also hurt their guys with friendly fire.

That was okay, because you could then hold an enemy unit in place with a mob of chaff like slaves and take the powerful (but unreliable) Skaven artillery and just keep blasting through them. If you take out three knights for five dead slaves, you're still winning on points.

Nowadays you can only fire into a combat of your own if slaves are the only friendly unit in it.

And an FAQ removed the rule that says you have to randomize between the slaves and the enemy. The common tactic is a gigantic block of Slaves, backed up by the General and a Battle Standard Bearer (giving them the highest leadership in the game, 10, instead of their usual 2, and a reroll if they fail) that holds enemies up forever while you pour fire into them.

Slaves cost 2 points apiece. Other armies decent infantry STARTS at 10 or so points.

# ¿ Mar 11, 2013 06:59

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Just a small correction; Steam Tanks are chariots now, so you use the Initiative value of the Engineer driving it, which is 3. So Steam Tanks have a 50/50 shot of surviving the orb. Presumably the Engineer does a wheelie or perhaps rolls the tank up on two side wheels to dodge it!

# ¿ Oct 18, 2014 20:33

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Chariots that I've seen are typically at least 4-6x bigger then a regular Ogre.

Admiral Joeslop fucked around with this message at 13:51 on Jan 31, 2015

# ¿ Jan 31, 2015 06:17

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Goon sex is the worst sex.

In DnD 5e, some spells require material components. If you have a component pouch or arcane focus, you don't have to worry about tracking these items UNLESS the spell mentions a gold cost associated with the components.

For example; the Find Familiar spell requires 10 gp worth of charcoal, herbs and incense. These items must be burnt inside a brass brazier, which has no associated cost and in fact doesn't exist in the game rules at all. Logically, this means your tiny component pouch has as many brass braziers as you need. But it goes further:

Tunicate posted:

In 3e Apocalypse From the Sky is a spell that requires an artifact as a material component.

Artifacts do not have a specific cost.

The party wizard has a component pouch stuffed fulla artifacts.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2016 11:38

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Let's not even discuss the amount of salmonella and cholesterol poisoning.

# ¿ Jun 23, 2016 12:58

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

ZorajitZorajit posted:

Point of inquiry. Does 5th Edition have rules for being crushed by a falling creature? Does it have rules for being crushed in any circumstance? Does it care about total mass, or density? Failing that, is there a landslide hazard that would suffice? Or a way to upscale a bludgeoning weapon to comparable size?

Ask your DM.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2016 05:43

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

How long does that zombie stay summoned though? Or does being in the Astral Plane make it unlive forever?

# ¿ Nov 20, 2016 04:23

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

I really miss 4e and wish I could have played it more :allears:

# ¿ Dec 23, 2016 02:59

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

He is depicted as overweight and balding; something most goons can empathize with.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 01:31

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Focacciasaurus_Rex posted:

I wonder if it effects inanimate objects. Like bank accounts or driver's licenses.

Someone noticed that supplies and toilet paper kept getting used and figured out it was him, or something. The Marvel wiki is not well written or maintained.

# ¿ Jan 16, 2017 04:06

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Dropping a shield in 5e takes up an entire action ( :psyduck:

) but does dropping a weapon take an action as well?

# ¿ Jan 26, 2017 15:29

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

I'm not at my book but I think it's somewhere in the rules for doffing and donning armor.

# ¿ Jan 26, 2017 15:52

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

The explanation is that shields are typically strapped to your arm. Which, sure whatever. I just ignore it when possible, like I do for wearing armor while sleeping. Unless it's a very specific kind of survival game where little things matter and the players are in to that, I don't care about bookkeeping and "realism".

# ¿ Jan 26, 2017 15:58

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

A good post marred only by hotlinking a picture that doesn't display on mobile.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2017 14:39

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Caphi posted:

There was nothing wrong with casting a swift action or quickened spell in 3.5 alongside another spell. It's not like any of the bonus action spells in 5e set the world on fire to the point where it'd be more imbalanced to combine them with a fireball than it is having spells to begin with.

I'm going to guess that rule was made specifically because of Sorcerers. They can use their resources to Quicken a spell to a Bonus Action. Without the cantrip rule, they could absolutely do a double Fireball or whatever.

# ¿ Jul 27, 2017 18:16

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

According to Google, a one cubic foot sandstone boulder is 150 lbs. Sharpen up the edges, maybe put a handle in, and you have your 5d6 weapon.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 04:16

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

NAME REDACTED posted:

At what point does this stop being 'improvised'?

As a side note, as a person who's prepped a character for a pbta game that uses the intersecting grapple and improvised weapon rules as written to use other combatants as a weapon, I absolutely love this discussion

When the local weaponsmith starts selling 150lb boulders with handles in bulk. I imagine they drop to 2d6 as soon as ten adventurers have begun using them.

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 21:38

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

How does the Dash action factor into this? It doubles your move for the turn.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2017 12:23

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Splicer posted:

I've been assuming the GM would force you to spend your action to dash. If not then any exhausted character with a strength score of (speed/2 + a foot buffer either side) can become a time wizard, no spells needed. At strength 20 you will be rising and falling a leisurely 5 feet over 6 seconds, which comes out at a little over 1m per second again. Weaker characters jump lower, meaning you fall slower. If you get to choose whether to dash or not then it gets weird, as e.g. shooting arrows makes you fall slower, presumably due to recoil. e: or drinking a potion pulls you into people-enjoying-branded-soft-drink slowmo.
It does not, no. You can float serenely upwards at a slight angle, then clear the obstacle and immediately drop straight down.

Final thoughts: Grappling reduces your speed to 0. If two characters jump forwards and then grapple each other they cannot continue the jump, and presumably hover in the air grunting and orbiting each other like conjoined moons.

Rogues can use Dash as a Bonus Action, then use their regular action to take a second move. Monks and Barbarians get extra movement over most classes, and Fighters can Action Surge for another movement.

I'm sure this can go deeper.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2017 19:57

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Mike 'Harassment Enabler' Mearls posted:

4e fans aren't feeling the love yet. We'll have that covered - just give us some time.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2019 03:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 06:50

Admiral Joeslop: Jul 8, 2010

Thuryl posted:

Including clay tablets

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXeTsWGPT0w

# ¿ Jul 18, 2019 14:35

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