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I don't really know how to start this so I'll just dive right in. I'm 24 and I haven't had intercourse since 2008. For a while I was doing everything I could to just "go get laid" but I realized I was coming off as desperate and creepy. I did get a girlfriend a year ago, but we never went further than oral. I've been taking advice from my friends and e/n threads and I've been focusing on improving my life to the extent that I can, though being 24 and working minimum wage pushing carts doesn't do much for my self esteem. Every time I HAVE had sex, I've never been able to finish which is incredibly embarrassing and disappointing. When my friends and I are talking about it, and I bring up how long it's been, they act shocked that it's even possible to go that long. I'm afraid that the longer I go without sex, the harder it'll be to get back into it and see it as a "normal" thing, not to mention that I'm just wasting my "prime years". I guess what I want to know is, am I making this too big of a deal? I know just having sex isn't going to magically solve all my problems, but I feel like there's something wrong with me if it's been this long and everyone I know talks about it like it's the easiest thing in the world.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 09:07 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 04:57 |
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Sex is a nice part of the human experience, but screwing it up doesn't make your whole life a failure. The main impression I get from your post is that you want it as a measure of your personal worth, which seems like a great way to ensure you'll be under too much pressure to enjoy it. Try wanting it just because it's fun and because intimacy with another person feels good, rather than because it proves you're a man or a success or some poo poo.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 09:30 |
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You're definitely making too big a deal about it. It's not all that it's cracked up to be, honestly- so just relax and try to focus on any ambitions you have or just having a good time. If you spend all your time thinking about all that sex you're not having, more likely than not you're just going continue getting no sex. Just take it easy, maybe get a girlfriend. But for god's sakes don't focus on sex so much or you'll be miserable.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 09:33 |
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It all depends on how important sex is to the individual, and in what context you want to have it. My husband and I have both had long periods of abstinence (three or four years) before we got together and we survived.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 09:38 |
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In a relationship sex is a big deal. But you are single. Your friends are right when they tell you to get your life in order and be in a good place. Once your in a good place yourself and not focusing on getting a girlfriend to have sex with it'll paradoxically be easier to find someone. Or if it seriously bothers you, use some dating sites looking for "casual encounters". A report in the UK recently stated that 20% of women use online dating solely to find fuckbuddies. Squabble about the numbers if you want but it does suggest that there is a body of sex starved women out there looking for a quick screw as much as there's a body of sex starved men looking for the same.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 09:48 |
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Sex is almost certainly not going to make your life stop sucking.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 10:03 |
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Worrying about getting laid is the best way to make sure that you never have sex again. Develop some self worth that isn't linked to your job or your sex life. Are you getting out often? Do you have any hobbies or activities that make you happy? If not, find some. Being confident and comfortable with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, not only to attract potential partners, but also to simply improve the way you experience life. Also, there's nothing wrong with have an extended dry spell. It happens a lot more often than you might think.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 10:10 |
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Pineapple Salad posted:Worrying about getting laid is the best way to make sure that you never have sex again. Develop some self worth that isn't linked to your job or your sex life. Are you getting out often? Do you have any hobbies or activities that make you happy? If not, find some. Being confident and comfortable with yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself, not only to attract potential partners, but also to simply improve the way you experience life. Basically what Pineapple said, if sex becomes the focal point of your life here you are actively gimping yourself and any goals you're setting for yourself. I for one think it's not that important enough to dictate what I instead should be doing, getting a better job or education, focusing on my longterm goals and then setting time apart for myself or any relationship I would enjoy being in. To me it sounds like you obsess over this a lot, and it may even keep you awake at times so I'm going to lay down some amateur psychology and say this is also preventing you from finishing, because the mental pressure of this entire charade is not making you comfortable in the slightest, and you live to fulfill somebody else's standards of getting alot of sex because "it's expected of you" Make your own goals, go at your own pace, but atleast promise to yourself you're going to go somewhere.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 10:23 |
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Sex isn't going anywhere. You yourself might be. Not getting it on isn't the end of the world, so don't sweat it.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 13:02 |
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I am not going to lie to you. A lot of people may find that long of a stretch a little odd, but it probably isn't a huge deal or a deal-breaker. Building a relationship is hard, but nowadays with the Internet and all, getting laid is easy. If it bothers you that much, just follow these two easy steps. 1) Take up an interesting hobby. Not anything nerdy, something like creative writing or something outdoorsy or theatre or poetry or photography, it has to be interesting and marginally exotic to your average person. Study it enough to at least know what you're talking about, even if you're not super great at it. Get to the point where you are able to talk about it at a competent level. Make a profile on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid, base the entire thing on said hobby. If you can carry a basic conversation to the point where you can start talking about the interesting hobby, I guarantee you will get laid because you will be an interesting person. I am a fat man and talking about my hobbies has never failed me if I'm going through a dry spell. Do not talk about getting laid, do not ask about getting laid, do not talk about the last time she got laid. Save that for after you actually sleep with this person. If it gets to the point where you're in the car alone or at your house alone with her, and things seem to be going well, just make a move. Lean in and kiss her or some poo poo. If she doesn't want it, she'll say no. For example, get an instant camera like a Fuijifilm Instax or an old Polaroid and some film, take pictures of interesting things you see. Genuinely interesting things, one legged birds, old, run-down houses, not sales at the mall. You don't have to be like, a pro, but just work at it until you get to the point where you are competent at composing shots for instant film. You also need to be able to talk about what makes a good instant film shot. The lighting, position of the subject in the frame. You can talk about how you like instant film because when you only have one physical copy of a picture instead of literally infinite digital copies, it makes the photograph feel more special. Stick the best ones on your fridge. Presto! You have and interesting hobby to talk about. In you're OK cupid profile, one of the six things you can't live without is your Polaroid. You could probably get into this hobby for like a hundred bucks: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_n...keywords=instax Again, this is just an example. There are countless hobbies people find interesting. It's important that it interests you too, and it's not associated with being a huge nerd. Dungeons and Dragons, for example, is not interesting to most women. I'm not telling you to do a lot of work, I'm telling you to go have fun doing something interesting. The ability to talk about said hobby and to do it competently will come naturally if you are having fun. It doesn't work if you fake it, you have to genuinely be into the hobby. 2) Stop calling it intercourse. Zack_Gochuck fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2013 around 14:11 |
| # ? Feb 13, 2013 13:58 |
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Does it feel important to you? Then yes it's important. Sex is frustrating because ultimately its someone else's choice whether you have it. Ultimately, for whatever reason getting laid is not easy for some people. Go pay for a hooker if you want the sex, or lie to your friends if you only care about them thinking you've got laid. And he're a despressing thought; every choice and action you take will only act to reduce you number of people out there willing to have sex with you. Everything is a dealbreaker for someone, and that's fine. Castle Bidimar fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2013 around 14:30 |
| # ? Feb 13, 2013 14:27 |
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BAKA FLOCKA FLAME posted:Sex is almost certainly not going to make your life stop sucking. Nothing is closer to the truth. If you are not in a good place than sex isn't going to fix your problems. In fact if you are worried about other poo poo, sex will just be awkward and weird.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 14:38 |
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You sound very uncomfortable with sex, beginning with your use of the term "intercourse". Also, if you have trouble finishing during sex, it may be because you're utilizing a kung fu grip while masturbating. So stop that if you are.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 14:48 |
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I've gone years at a time without having sex and I'll tell you: once you start having sex you'll find something else to stress and freak out about. I'm not strutting around all day whistling and high fiving people.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 15:22 |
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What's going on with your life that you're doing a job you don't sound like you like and that doesn't give you a lot of respect for yourself? Did you have some school trouble or some home trouble that got you in that spot? If you start getting on track for a job you will respect yourself for, then the sex thing probably won't be first on your mind. Also you'll have more money and ambition and direction and self-confidence, which is all stuff that will help you get dates again (especially coming up on late 20s, that stuff starts to matter more and more).
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 15:30 |
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To be honest, yes it is weird and it's impossible to know what you're doing wrong from behind a computer screen but the number one advice I can give you is stop being a weirdo. Your username is Batman, but you're 24 years old so what the gently caress are you doing reading comic books? If I can infer that you have a strange obsession with comic super heroes, people in real life must pick up on all sorts of things just by the way you act and talk. Sort yourself out and then focus on just living your own life and having your own goals and sex will just happen.
Luth fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2013 around 15:46 |
| # ? Feb 13, 2013 15:42 |
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Also don't let creepy women (or men I guess) take advantage of your insecurities regarding this. In my experience they can get really surprise sex-y regarding this. Be careful out there and don't let desperation allow people to take advantage of you.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 15:55 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:I bring up how long it's been, they act shocked that it's even possible to go that long.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 16:16 |
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It's ok not to care so much about sex. If people have problems with this it is because they have been drinking the cultural kool-aid too long where they tell you that all men want to gently caress all the time.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 16:24 |
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Luth posted:To be honest, yes it is weird and it's impossible to know what you're doing wrong from behind a computer screen but the number one advice I can give you is stop being a weirdo. Your username is Batman, but you're 24 years old so what the gently caress are you doing reading comic books? If I can infer that you have a strange obsession with comic super heroes, people in real life must pick up on all sorts of things just by the way you act and talk. Sort yourself out and then focus on just living your own life and having your own goals and sex will just happen. Yes I too judge my potential partners by the names they chose years ago for online comedy forums. Did you seriously think that you were posting something helpful here? OP, it's been said and said but you need to stop stressing about it. Zack_Gochuck has the right idea, just get out there and do something that puts you near other people and gives you something tangible as a result. If you're happy and confident then it's much more likely (still no guarantee) to work out than if you just sit at home waiting for sex to fall from the sky like manna. On the other side of the coin, it is perfectly fine to not have sex and is not weird at all. It doesn't mean you're broken or that you won't ever have sex again. I understand how something so fun can tend to dwell in the mind, but I'll bet you'd have a happier day-to-day life if you grew more accepting of who you are Right Now. Doesn't mean you have to stay that person, but be honest about what you really want and what friends/society is only telling you that you want.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 16:34 |
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Its ok to not have sex but if you've been trying to for 5 years and not gotten any it might be time to rethink whatever it is you're doing.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 17:15 |
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Emacs Headroom posted:What's going on with your life that you're doing a job you don't sound like you like and that doesn't give you a lot of respect for yourself? Did you have some school trouble or some home trouble that got you in that spot? I had a lot of problems during college and took a break to move for a job when I was close to getting my associate's. I didn't really take school seriously and never even considered what I wanted to major in, just "general studies". It's kind of biting me in the rear end now because I don't really have any skills that people are looking for.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 17:57 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:I had a lot of problems during college and took a break to move for a job when I was close to getting my associate's. I didn't really take school seriously and never even considered what I wanted to major in, just "general studies". It's kind of biting me in the rear end now because I don't really have any skills that people are looking for. Is there any chance that you can go back to school to get your associates, or is there anything now that you might be interested in majoring in? It's never too late to get a degree. It would be a good opportunity not only just to learn new skills and educate yourself, but college can be a great way to meet new people through classes and/or through clubs and associations. I had a similar situation to yours, where I took a break from classes after my grades plummeted to the point where I received a 6 month suspension (I was severely depressed after some traumatic life events and just stopped trying). I've since returned, though, and it has significantly improved my quality of life. Even if you don't have the money or motivation to go back to school, at least set some kind of achievable life goal for yourself. Having something to work toward (other than sex) can make life much more satisfying, and will make you a more interesting person for other people to be around. Pineapple Salad fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2013 around 19:23 |
| # ? Feb 13, 2013 19:20 |
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Luth posted:To be honest, yes it is weird and it's impossible to know what you're doing wrong from behind a computer screen but the number one advice I can give you is stop being a weirdo. Your username is Batman, but you're 24 years old so what the gently caress are you doing reading comic books? If I can infer that you have a strange obsession with comic super heroes, people in real life must pick up on all sorts of things just by the way you act and talk. Sort yourself out and then focus on just living your own life and having your own goals and sex will just happen. You know there's a pretty active comic board here right  I mean, I do have a collection of silver age stuff but I don't wear it as a badge of honor or anything. I know better than going up to a girl and going ''HEY BABE WANNA TALK ABOUT MASS EFFECT''
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 20:14 |
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Do you ask girls out? Also you should jerk off with a weaker grip.
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 21:33 |
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As some posters have said, sex really isn't that big of a deal. And the older you get the more apparent this will become. Before I met my husband, I viewed sex as a cheap form of entertainment, nothing more. It's like getting free tickets to a Motörhead (or some lame band you like if you're not into awesome things) show. You'll have an amazing time while you're there, and if you don't see them until they play again next year, well, who cares? Nobody gets to see Motörhead every night of the week. Regarding your troubles finishing, if it's not being caused by a vice grip while masterbating you should see a doctor. I dated a guy once who, no joke, was so big he couldn't maintain blood flow long enough to finish. Viagra solved the problem for him. A friend was having the same problem due to anxiety, and his doc prescribed a mild anti-anxiety med. Chill out and good luck!
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| # ? Feb 13, 2013 22:59 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:I guess what I want to know is, am I making this too big of a deal? I know just having sex isn't going to magically solve all my problems, but I feel like there's something wrong with me if it's been this long and everyone I know talks about it like it's the easiest thing in the world. Well as other posters have pointed out, sex isn't a big deal and it's really easy to get laid. And yet you've been unable to have it in a 5 year strech. The obvious conclusion I came to in regards to my similar scenario is that I'm a huge loving loser (read: The thing that's wrong with me) At least you can feel satisfaction in coming home after a long day of pushing carts for minimum wage and making your friends feel better about themselves. gently caress THE WORLD FOLKS!!!
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 03:16 |
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As someone who didn't lose their virginity until they were 30, I will vouch that sex is such a big deal that it's a need. I had to use an escort mind you, but the loneliness turned ghastly soul rot feeling finally went away when I did. It also changed my perspective towards sex and intimacy pretty radically and things got very easy afterwards (stop being a prude!). Granted, the OP isn't being wracked by lack of intimacy the the way I was, but I'll still say that if you are stressing from lack of sex, get it. Sooner rather than later. Escort. Masseuse. Craigslist. You could even do something crazy like socialize. There are women who are feeling the same way you are but you probably aren't noticing them. Notice them.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 06:12 |
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InfantryLikeMe posted:Nothing is closer to the truth. God this is the truth. Eustacia posted:As someone who didn't lose their virginity until they were 30, I will vouch that sex is such a big deal that it's a need. I had to use an escort mind you, but the loneliness turned ghastly soul rot feeling finally went away when I did. It also changed my perspective towards sex and intimacy pretty radically and things got very easy afterwards (stop being a prude!). Yeah, if you really want sex but can't seem to get it, escorts can be a good idea.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 06:25 |
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The new dynamic between esteem and ego, the nudity in every sense of the word, the loud and quiet pleasure wrought from mutual trust and respect, the sense of giving your body over to somebody and having somebody else give their body over to you and the thrill of sexual conquest...the thrill of being somebody else's sexual conquest for that matter...pushing each other's boundaries in the name of intimacy. gently caress yes, sex is a huge deal. It's more incredible than when your dealer puts that little bit of cocaine on top your hash bowl, or when you order a double grilled cheese bacon burger from carl's jr. and order a little bit of extra bacon just for the gently caress of it. Anyways, nobody is going to have sex with you just to be nice to you. Nobody cares if you're missing out on the unseen pleasures. Nobody wants to help you. It isn't something a friend will do just to please you. If there is somebody better in her life, she won't play. You need to grit your teeth and consciously decide to be more of a badass and act like a winner. You need to be better than her next best option, and every woman has a next best option, even if that's a dildo, champ. I would also suggest buying a hooker, but focus on activities that serve to enhance your sense of sexual authority and dominance. Trust me, I used to be a whiny pussy too -- I was so bad with women I thought I was a homosexual. What I learned is that people like you...people like I was...don't get any respect from women because they don't deserve any respect from women, because they can't command any respect from women. When it comes to sex, it's a "gently caress you got mine" world out there and nobody has any interest in changing that. Hope that helps. edit: Bootstraps, pussy. Atom fucked around with this message at Feb 14, 2013 around 06:36 |
| # ? Feb 14, 2013 06:32 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:Every time I HAVE had sex, I've never been able to finish which is incredibly embarrassing and disappointing. I've never "finished" the first time I was with a new partner and I don't mind in the slightest. Infinitely better than finishing too early. It's not like you have to announce it either, usually I just pull out and cuddle if she seems worn out. Why would YOU be the one embarrassed if she gets too sore before she can get you off (not that either of you should be). I agree with all of the people saying to improve yourself before wondering why nobody's loving you. Edit: If you mean you go limp halfway through then pretend you came I guess and follow all the usual advice for premature ejaculation. teardrop fucked around with this message at Feb 14, 2013 around 06:42 |
| # ? Feb 14, 2013 06:39 |
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Atom posted:When it comes to sex, it's a "gently caress you got mine" world out there and nobody has any interest in changing that. Never really thought of it this way, but a pretty interesting (and accurate) way of describing the state of sex
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 07:27 |
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I'm not going to get an escort. I've tried OKC, but that didn't work out either. crashnburn254 posted:Do you ask girls out? Also you should jerk off with a weaker grip. Honestly no, my biggest problem is overthinking what to say and by the time I get the courage to they've moved on. Or I have trouble figuring out if they even like me or not. For example, I've gone out with a girl at work to an arcade, and I've driven her home a couple times but I'm still afraid to make a move in case I'm misinterpreting anything.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 09:14 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:I'm still afraid to make a move in case I'm misinterpreting anything. Make a move as in go in for a kiss or as in ask her out on what is clearly meant as a date, not just two friends hanging out? It definitely sounds like you're overthinking everyting and that your preoccupation with the fact that you're not having sex is sabotaging your attempts to HAVE sex. As a woman I'd just like to assure you that we can smell desperation a mile off, which is why your attempts to attain sex through establishing a romantic relationship first all seem to be failing miserably - because you're not interested in a relationship for it's on sake, just as a means to get sex. To be honest I think the best thing for you is to have a purely sexual fling - find someone on the internet who desires the same thing, or just hire an escort, either way, just get laid without any romantic relationship forming first. Once you've got the desperate hunting for sex out of your system, you'll be in a better place to approach a potential relationship with a relaxed attitude and focus on getting to know the other person, not getting in their pants, which will ironically give you a much higher chance of getting in their pants.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 13:35 |
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Hot Sauce Batman posted:
Who loving cares? If you like her, you're going to be miserable in a friendship situation anyway. Go to a movie with her, do the old arm around her shoulders move and see how she reacts. If she's not into it, it'll only be awkward at work if you let it be awkward. I think that you also need to tell us what you'd typically send a woman in a first message on OKC, because honestly meeting girls online is like shooting fish in a barrel.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 13:53 |
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Heres the thing, the problem isnt so much the putting-things-in-another-persons-body aspect, its that it says poor things about your social life in general. I mean most people have sex by meeting people, doing fun things and being social. If you havent gotten laid in five years that suggests that you havent been doing a whole lot of that. Getting an escort wouldn't help because it wouldn't fix that problem, asking that girl out who you've been too timid to make a move around MIGHT help, because even if she says no at least you're stepping outside your comfort zone a bit. Hot Sauce Batman posted:I've tried OKC, but that didn't work out either. Why?
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 14:38 |
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OKC is a crap shoot, especially if you have obvious social issues. I'm pretty average and only ever got a few responses.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 14:40 |
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Stormageddon posted:OKC is a crap shoot, especially if you have obvious social issues. I'm pretty average and only ever got a few responses. If you only got a few responses you are not average. As I said eariler, I am a fat guy and I was able to get 2-3 dates a week when I used to do the online poo poo if I was so inclined. Confidence, man.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 15:00 |
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Zack_Gochuck posted:If you only got a few responses you are not average. As I said eariler, I am a fat guy and I was able to get 2-3 dates a week when I used to do the online poo poo if I was so inclined. Confidence, man. It also depends on where you are, tremendously. The one summer I was on it when I first moved to NYC I had no trouble meeting people, but it was useless when I went upstate for awhile.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 15:02 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 04:57 |
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Zack_Gochuck posted:If you only got a few responses you are not average. As I said eariler, I am a fat guy and I was able to get 2-3 dates a week when I used to do the online poo poo if I was so inclined. Confidence, man. It probably has more to do with how much time you spend on the site. I only really ever checked the quiver thing once or twice a week and browsed the top matches in my area like twice in a month. Mostly it was to see if I was missing out, but self summaries always seemed a boring way for me to meet someone. I had a few dates and one girl I saw for like 6 months. Never signed back up afterwards. Basically, works for some people, not for everyone.
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| # ? Feb 14, 2013 15:04 |
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