WWE Raw: This Raw is Once in a Lifetime (until next year) for 2/18

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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Punchsport Pagoda > WWE Raw: This Raw is Once in a Lifetime (until next year) for 2/18

What terrible insult will The Rock say to John Cena tonight? This poll is closed.
"Ten years strong... of being gay!!"	19	12.67%
"Fat pornstar lovin' chubby chaser!"	4	2.67%
"Jort wearin', sarson da saag likin', fruit loop eatin', fake marine!"	6	4.00%
"Your friend Paul Heyman is a walrus and you ain't got a penis!"	7	4.67%
"FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO PUT BOOTS TO JORTS IN THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL IF YA SMELELELLELE WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN"	14	9.33%
"[unintelligible gibberish]"	46	30.67%
"John, you are an intense competitor and I respect you immensely and see your worth as a human being."	21	14.00%
HulkaEdit: Rock won't say anything. Cena is going to come back out to BASIC THUGANOMICS and then do a rap on The Rock. In his rap he he will imply that The Rock is gay, and then end his rap by asking the rock to SUCK HIS raises microphone in the air.	33	22.00%
Total:	150 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

LAST NIGHT AT ELIMINATION CHAMBER:

Brodus and Sweet T defeated The Rhodes Scholars and their one-night-only reunion via double fat guy splash
Alberto Del Rio retained the World Heavyweight Championship via botched kick to the head and Cross Armbreaker
Antonio Cesaro retained the US Title against the Miz with a knee to the dick, got kicked in the dick for real
In the WHC #1 Contender's Elimination Chamber, Racist Jack Swagger defeated Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Kane, and Daniel Bryan by pinning Orton with a Diva's rollup
The Shield beat John Cena, Sheamus and the Ryback when Roman Reigns speared the Ryback, allowing Seth Rollins to fall on top of him and pin him
Dolph Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston when -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Night of Spears: Kaitlyn retains Diva's Title by spearing Tamina
CM Punk and The Rock had a fantastic match which harkened back to the Attitude Era with multiple ref bumps, false finishes, and attempts at hitting people with championship belts. The Rock retains after hitting a People's Elbow and two Rock Bottoms.
Twice in a Lifetime is therefore official for WrestleMania, with WWE Champion The Rock defending against Royal Rumble winner John Cena.

ON THE FENCE ABOUT WATCHING RAW? WELL, HERE's WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH:

1. The Rock and John Cena start their road to the biggest(?) match of all time all over again.
Why you should care: poop fart piss old guy lesbian no penis fatty moo shu pork cocoa pebbles wwe title

2. Where will CM Punk go from here?
Why you should care: GONG. Or maybe bwoooo wooo woo *guitar riff*? A triple threat WWE Title match? Who knows?

3. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter are big ol' racists, but racists with a title opportunity at the biggest show of them all.
Why you should care: Jack Swagger hates Mexicans and Alberto Del Rio is a Mexican. Do the math.

4. The Shield can't be stopped, even by the super team of John Cena, The Ryback, and Sheamus. Where do they go from here?
Why you should care: This group looks like the best invader group to hit WWE in years. If even John Cena can't beat them, then they're bound to be unstoppable. Big things are in store for the Shield.

5. Dolph Ziggler still looms in the background with a guaranteed shot at the World Heavyweight Championship. Will he call his shot before WrestleMania and go to the biggest show of the year as champion?
Why you should care: Because you're an internet smark and therefore you love Dolph Ziggler.

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT:
http://thefirstrow.eu
http://bigevents.tv

All this and more, live on Monday Night Raw!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:02

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# ? May 19, 2013 23:38

Big Coffin Hunter: Aug 13, 2005

Bard Maddox posted:

5. Dolph Ziggler still looms in the background with a guaranteed shot at the World Heavyweight Championship. Will he call his shot before WrestleMania and go to the biggest show of the year as champion?
Why you should care: Because you're an internet smark and therefore you love Dolph Ziggler.

Well... you have me there.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:09

Miles O'Brian: May 22, 2006; We don't fight fer food, fer teef, or for gunz. We fight cos we woz born to fight. And win.

I find it somewhat cool that the Shield uses the Spear. Does that make me a nerd.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:10

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; For the Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect of Somaliland

I'm really hoping Brock shows up and HHH still isn't a part of it.

That is the one match I absolutely do not want at Wrestlmania. I want Brock to show up for some reason and then *GONG* instead. I don't know what to do with Punk then, though.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:18

Space Cob: Jan 23, 2006; a pilot on fire is not fit to fly

Miles O'Brian posted:

I find it somewhat cool that the Shield uses the Spear. Does that make me a nerd.

No.

However, noticing that a Roman of the Shield uses a Spear does make you a nerd.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:18

Pistol Packin Poet: Nov 5, 2012; Everyone needs an
escape goat!

Space Cob posted:

No.

However, noticing that a Roman of the Shield uses a Spear does make you a nerd.

Wow this is pretty clever.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:24

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Ben, buddy, it's a wonderful day to go web slinging!

Space Cob posted:

No.

However, noticing that a Roman of the Shield uses a Spear does make you a nerd.

That is wonderful.

I'm looking forward to RAW tonight. I have to think on the road to Wrestlemania they're going to give a few swerves and change things up.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:24

Big Coffin Hunter: Aug 13, 2005

Gatts posted:

That is wonderful.

I'm looking forward to RAW tonight. I have to think on the road to Wrestlemania they're going to give a few swerves and change things up.

Then again Twice in a Lifetime.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:25

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004; Hail To The King

Something big is gonna happen tonight with Wrestlemania now in sight. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, but prepare for the big guns now.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:29

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Ben, buddy, it's a wonderful day to go web slinging!

Vertical Lime posted:

Something big is gonna happen tonight with Wrestlemania now in sight. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't, but prepare for the big guns now.

The Undertaker is going to be the Ref in Hunter vs Brock and he's going to go all Shawn Michael levels of selling the brutality of the match.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:31

Cardboard Box: Jul 14, 2009; Grunkle Stan, what did you feed us?!

I'm really hoping they kick off this seven-week Mania build with a bang in some way

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:37

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

Cardboard Box posted:

I'm really hoping they kick off this seven-week Mania build with a bang in some way

Last year on the first Raw after Elimination Chamber we got John Cena slutshaming Eve and the Battle Royal from Hell.

Hope it can live up to that show!!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:43

Cardboard Box: Jul 14, 2009; Grunkle Stan, what did you feed us?!

god I forgot about that battle royal where everybody died. what a bad night that was.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:49

Evil Badman: Aug 19, 2006; Do Not Trust This Man

Dolph has until MITB 2013 to cash-in, right?

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:54

The Landstander: Apr 20, 2004; I stand on land.

I'm actually pretty interested in quite a few storylines tonight.

C'mon Raw be really good, you can do it.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:55

Thauros: Jan 29, 2003; qu'un sang impur abreuve nos sillons

This should at tehe very least be a somewhat important show considering this is the big kickoff to their WM buildup.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 00:55

achillesforever6: Apr 23, 2012; Everyone talks about how awesome Achilles is, but did he ever made the god of war his bitch?

Sadly Diomedesforever6 just doesn't ring as well as Achillesforever6

Space Cob posted:

No.

However, noticing that a Roman of the Shield uses a Spear does make you a nerd.

That is not a spear but Pilum, a javelin used before hand to hand combat that would break upon hitting an enemy's shield so that either the enemy couldn't use that shield or they couldn't throw it back.

The Romans did use phalanxs and spear units pre Marian reforms known as Triarii!!!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:00

Edwardian: May 4, 2010; "Can we have a bit of decorum on this forum?"

Road to Wrestlemania!

(I kinda miss the Nickelback/Andre! opener...)

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:00

MrTpug: Feb 16, 2011

Is there a way I can send Swagger a razor..his beard is weird...even by Orton standards

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

fart blood: Sep 13, 2008; pfff-fb-fb-ffb-ffb-b-b-b

Hi everyone

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009; funk is on a roll

This promo is deliciously overwrought

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

Wario Kart 64: Jan 14, 2011; weezy wear a hat

and he like it

I'm really pumped to see what matches we don't know about yet!!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

404GoonNotFound: Aug 6, 2006; The McRib is back!?!?

I actually could've been there live tonight, but that would've required putting actual pants on, so

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

DarkstarIV: Apr 6, 2010; Mr. Intensity

Bard Maddox posted:

5. Dolph Ziggler still looms in the background with a guaranteed shot at the World Heavyweight Championship. Will he call his shot before WrestleMania and go to the biggest show of the year as champion?
Why you should care: Because you're an internet smark and therefore you love Dolph Ziggler.

why the gently caress do i care about a big dumb jobber named dolph ziggler i mean that even sounds like a jobber name!!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

Writer Cath: Apr 1, 2007; It's always Heath's fault.

MrTpug posted:

Is there a way I can send Swagger a razor..his beard is weird...even by Orton standards

He's no Dazzler.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

Tatum Girlparts: Sep 8, 2011; Do you think you can destroy me with your Nexus? I who served Thuganomics, I who commanded The Cenation, hundreds of years before you were on NXT?

Quest for redemption? What is Cena redeeming?

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:01

MrTpug: Feb 16, 2011

Tatum Girlparts posted:

Quest for redemption? What is Cena redeeming?

The loss of his Green Gear

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Ozz81: Aug 30, 2006

404GoonNotFound posted:

I actually could've been there live tonight, but that would've required putting actual pants on, so

Missed a prime opportunity to literally go "balls out" on live show. Shameful

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Suben: Jul 1, 2007; In 1985 Dr. Strange makes a rap album.

I lost... I LOST! GIVE IT UP FOR THE SHIELD! Now that that's settled, I'M COMIN' FOR YA ROCKY!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

404GoonNotFound: Aug 6, 2006; The McRib is back!?!?

Lose match. Gain opening promo.
This fuckin' company...

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; For the Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect of Somaliland

Cool John.

Don't even act like it's a big deal you lost to the Shield.

Don't even bother.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Codependent Poster: Oct 20, 2003; Emergency induction port.

Oh hey here's a guy who lost last night

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Space Cob: Jan 23, 2006; a pilot on fire is not fit to fly

achillesforever6 posted:

That is not a spear but Pilum, a javelin used before hand to hand combat that would break upon hitting an enemy's shield so that either the enemy couldn't use that shield or they couldn't throw it back.

The Romans did use phalanxs and spear units pre Marian reforms known as Triarii!!!

Google Image Search lied to me

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

DarkstarIV posted:

why the gently caress do i care about a big dumb jobber named dolph ziggler i mean that even sounds like a jobber name!!

I bet THE RYBACK would kick his dumb stupid butt

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Solomonic: Jan 3, 2008; ALFREEEEEEEEEED
WHO LEFT THE CAP OFF MY FUCKING GLISTEN

Aw shucks guys, I lost again but isn't this a great crowd

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; Your flesh mother used to bring me pudding.

achillesforever6 posted:

That is not a spear but Pilum, a javelin used before hand to hand combat that would break upon hitting an enemy's shield so that either the enemy couldn't use that shield or they couldn't throw it back.

The Romans did use phalanxs and spear units pre Marian reforms known as Triarii!!!

Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Writer Cath: Apr 1, 2007; It's always Heath's fault.

John Cena is at least better than Shane Douglas. At least Cena can win a match and it looks believable.

And he even lost his last one

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

Edwardian: May 4, 2010; "Can we have a bit of decorum on this forum?"

Opening with Cena...oy.

Rapa

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:02

SamuraiFoochs: Jan 16, 2007

Those boos. Good lord.

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:03

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# ? May 19, 2013 23:38

The Landstander: Apr 20, 2004; I stand on land.

Isn't Lafayette generally not a great crowd?

# ? Feb 19, 2013 01:03

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