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Hi all! So, firstly, I am a trans woman. I started HRT on October 1st, 2012. My life has been on an upward swing ever since, but there is baggage weighing me down and I've decided to seek help for it. That means, well, I'm starting therapy at my LGBT clinic. I've got a case manager there too, and she's going to help me get on disability for some issues I have that are preventing me from functioning in an educational and work environment. I gave attempting to function the best shot I could give it. I stood back up after I lost a job in December, was employed again by January 14th, and I was fired from the new job on February 14th, over a week ago. I was fired for the same reason from both jobs. Both employers found me utterly undesirable after I shared with them that I was going to transition and live full time as the woman I've always been. Before? I received glowing marks! I was well received. I'm pursuing legal action against them at the advice and urging of basically everyone I've spoken to. That's going to get worked out. My time in retail is at an end though, and I hardly see myself in college by year's end. I just don't have it in me. The therapy I'll be pursuing will help me with that, but it's like, right now? Right now? I need to take care of myself. I need to remove myself from whatever situations are unhealthy for me, and that includes the environments I was forcibly removed from because I was rightfully deemed too toxic to be around. I don't begrudge any of the people, but I've discovered recently that my past claims of being an introvert are greatly mistaken. I need to be around people. I need to be healthy to be around, or at least not negative to be around, you know? I'm working on that. I have over a decade of hell to process. I'm not entirely comfortable expounding upon all of that in this thread, but like, how do I put it? Is it okay? Is it okay that I can't work or go to school? Am I a loser for not being able to? I'm living out full time as a woman now. Something had to give, so I made that happen. I legally changed my name and gender marker. All of that is taken care of. I'm p. much good on everything until I need any of the surgeries available to me, which are obviously not in my plans to be done anytime soon, so I've got it taken care of. I just want to sit down, play video games, tell myself that I am worthwhile and a lovely person, and fake it until I make it. It's like. I can beat myself up over everything like I'm used to and like I want to, but isn't what I intend far better than being consumed by my massive list of gently caress ups? I have a hard time taking care of myself. I've spent way too long ignoring myself so I could help my family. I'm far from a martyr for them, but I've done the best I can for those around me, and now it's time I rest and breathe the fresh air and feel the dirt between my toes again. Why am I posting this? Validation? I don't know. I want somebody to talk to right now. It's 00:55 and I'm lonely.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 06:55 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 05:51 |
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An introvert isn't someone who hates being around people. An introvert is someone who just needs to socialize in small doses. You probably are an introvert. So go out and socialize and just leave early.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 07:02 |
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Everyone needs a sabbatical, I wouldn't worry about that too much. Loneliness is a bitch though, I'd connect to your friends as much as possible to try and mitigate the bad, introverted thoughts that come from being alone and slightly depressed.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 07:02 |
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If you want to be around people and be a worthwhile and lovely person, you aren't gonna do it through video games. Video games are escape, no matter how much "social interaction" is involved. It's ok to take a mental break now and again, but don't use video games as an escape. Go learn to swing dance. Or knit. Or garden. Or something that engages you with the world that isn't TV, the internet, or video games.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 07:21 |
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idiotsavant posted:If you want to be around people and be a worthwhile and lovely person, you aren't gonna do it through video games. Video games are escape, no matter how much "social interaction" is involved. It's ok to take a mental break now and again, but don't use video games as an escape. Go learn to swing dance. Or knit. Or garden. Or something that engages you with the world that isn't TV, the internet, or video games. I'm totally gonna do that too, idiotsavant. I'm going to a trans support group in March, and I'm actually gonna be doing some stuff around town too. I called the animal shelter I used to volunteer at and they'd love to have me back, so that's something I'll be getting into. I have to do it in moderation though. I've been getting easily overwhelmed lately and I don't want to like, shoot myself in the foot anymore than I already have.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 07:25 |
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Oh, moderation for sure - you don't have to go nuts. There's all sorts of stuff you can pick up as hobbies or activities though that are relaxing and meditative that aren't video games. It's work to develop the habits, but that's it. It's ok to be at a spot in life where you want to take a break for a minute, just be careful about getting stuck in escape mode.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 07:49 |
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idiotsavant posted:Oh, moderation for sure - you don't have to go nuts. There's all sorts of stuff you can pick up as hobbies or activities though that are relaxing and meditative that aren't video games. It's work to develop the habits, but that's it. It's ok to be at a spot in life where you want to take a break for a minute, just be careful about getting stuck in escape mode. Yeah, totes, golly. I recall when I was in full escape mode. It was rather nice for the point in time when I needed it(high school), but I'm so far past that now. Typical escapist fare like MMORPGs don't draw my attention the way they used to. I'm summing that up to being able to improve my life, live as the gender I identify as, and have it respected. All of that has changed my life so much for the better. Nephielle fucked around with this message at Feb 23, 2013 around 12:39 |
| # ? Feb 23, 2013 09:14 |
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There is nothing wrong with taking an occasional weekend and spending sitting around in underwear playing video games. Weekends are a stress reliever, free time. Do literally whatever you want that isn't currently stressing you out. It seems like you have a lot - lawsuits, looking for work, your transitioning etc. Do whatever you want so that they are not an issue for you for these two days, and be refreshed ready to deal with them on Monday. Reconnecting with friends is great, but If you don't want to do it for a while then don't - the thing about friends is that they'll still be there. They aren't dropping you for skipping a night out or whatever. A need to be out is good, but it's not an obligation, either to yourself or others.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 13:45 |
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Look into a book called The Introverts Advantage, I think it would help out in your situation.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 19:52 |
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Nephielle posted:Is it okay that I can't work or go to school? Short term? Yes. Long term? No. Everybody needs a break now and then, and it sounds like you have been through some traumatic stuff. So feel free to take a couple of weeks to recuperate. If you are still unable to face work or school after that though, you will probably require some form of professional help to get back to your life. You really don't want to remain on disability for psychological issues longer than you have to, it just makes it harder to get back on the horse. Work and socialising can themselves be helpful for certain issues.
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 19:58 |
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How are you collecting work disability AND suing your employer???
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| # ? Feb 23, 2013 23:09 |
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| # ? May 23, 2013 05:51 |
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Necron Vs. World posted:How are you collecting work disability AND suing your employer??? I am not collecting disability from my employer. I am looking into SSI, or federal disability. I am also looking into the lawsuit. Nothing is set in stone just yet. Nephielle fucked around with this message at Feb 24, 2013 around 00:43 |
| # ? Feb 24, 2013 00:35 |
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