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wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


AND THAT RIGHT THERE IS A PROMISE.

THIS RIGHT HERE, IS THE PREMISE:

I need to lose 50lbs. I mean I just need to. So that's what I'm going to set out to do. In the past it was more like "I'll just have an acceptable amount of muscle for a fat person". Now it's all like "Goddamn why am I still a fat person". So you all did a real great job helping ye olde sally turn himself into an egotistical psychopath when he was actually progressing (2010). So basically what I want to do is lose a considerable amount of weight as to not have only dudes compliment me on HOW TOTALLY HUGE YOU ARE MAN.

So I've outlined some sort of diet here and I have a whole bunch of apps and poo poo to tell me how to not be a fat person so right now I need two things:

A public place for you dudes to track what I am eating, or to view some sort of thing that shows what I'm eating when I input the things that I eat. That will make it easier for me to post things.

For you to find me out in the world and attempt to kill me for being a wasteful sack of poo poo.

Do it, kill me now.

This was in November:





I was around 290 in that pic

Current weight is 304lbs uguuu~

This year I am going down to the states to a bunch of sweet poo poo and I'm leaving on like the 7th of July. So right now I'm going to set the lofty goal of being 50lbs lighter by July 6th.

To Reiterate, My goals are as follows:

Weigh 285lb by March 24th, 2013
Weigh 265lb by June 24th, 2013
Weigh 255lb by July 6th

Are these goals stupid hard and totally unrealistic? Maybe. I am going to cheat, lie, murder and sell my soul in order to meet these requirements and I'm going to do it no matter the cost. If I don't meet my overall goal of this thing this year right now I want to be permabanned. Then after that I'm going to go over to wherever DS is currently chilling with his bros wearing that same burgundy tee he always seems to wear and I'm going to snatch the life from him. There is a lot at stake here guys. In an effort to give DS a chance at survival I am giving him 1 free task a week in relation to weights and cardio. Any time he wants he can send me a text with a task, and he can post it in this thread. I will complete the task and take a video to post it. If I don't post the video within a day of the task being issued then you can ban me for that too. If I don't receive a task by next Sunday I'll post in this thread and one of you can do it because obviously DS doesn't value his own life enough to try and save it.

I mean get a new shirt man:







Thread is all sorts of interactive yall.

Food questions:

Should I get a scale for measuring poo poo?

Should I do one of those fuckin cleanse things if I've never done one?

Can I exist on only protein shakes and chicken? Will I lose my mind?

Am I going to die?

Tools:

I bought a bicycle. I'm gonna try and ride it to work when my lungs can support doing more than anything more than above average cardio.



Talk about bikes!

There's a few new gyms in my area that nobody goes to. Should I be doing super high volume? HELP MEEEEE.

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david carmichael
Oct 28, 2011


good.

Seluin
Jan 4, 2004



I had good luck with this scale.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B001N...&sr=1-1&pi=SL75

Inexpensive and easy to use! Tracking my food was hugely educational and helpful for losing weight

Sitting Bull
Jul 4, 2004

why


Dem Bones
Feb 25, 2005
Listen, I didn't face ten long tours against the goddamn 'bots to come back home and lift baby weights.


wtfmoses posted:

A public place for you dudes to track what I am eating, or to view some sort of thing that shows what I'm eating when I input the things that I eat. That will make it easier for me to post things.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com

quote:

Should I get a scale for measuring poo poo?
yes

quote:

Should I do one of those fuckin cleanse things if I've never done one?
no

quote:

Can I exist on only protein shakes and chicken? Will I lose my mind?
basically, and maybe. look up lyle mcdonald's rapid fat loss, the velocity diet, or another protein-sparing modified fast.

quote:

Am I going to die?
eventually

FAT CURES MUSCLES
Jun 2, 2011



You look like Farva from supertroopers, but with arms.
(Shave the mustache)

RFL is fun: not.

Defiant Sally
May 6, 2004

Cum all over my mirrors just gettin off on my self maan, UUAOHH

WORSHIPPIN' this BIIG motherfucker.

*fingers dickhole*


For your first task you must ride your bike headlong into a moving bus.

Buzkashi
Feb 4, 2003


Defiant Sally posted:

For your first task you must ride your bike headlong into a moving bus.

Please take video

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Defiant Sally posted:

For your first task you must ride your bike headlong into a moving bus.

I wonder if your new girlfriend would react favorably to me choking you out in the street.

A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.

crazycello
Jul 22, 2009


the bus doesn't stand a chance. it's viable

wasianchickn
Sep 4, 2006

welp


Shouldn't it be if you don't lose 50 lbs Defiant Sally kills you?

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


wasianchickn posted:

Shouldn't it be if you don't lose 50 lbs Defiant Sally kills you?

Well I figured that even if I weighed like 130lbs he wouldn't be able to move the body so I'm just playing to his strengths of being easily defeated.

slinkimalinki
Jan 17, 2010

Through moonlight and shadow she'd prowl and she'd pry.


Want more details of the potential killing. Also which direction does the bus have to be moving in?

Defiant Sally
May 6, 2004

Cum all over my mirrors just gettin off on my self maan, UUAOHH

WORSHIPPIN' this BIIG motherfucker.

*fingers dickhole*


Getting to choose 1 completely godawful thing for you to do each and every week for the next 4 months is going to be some highlight reel poo poo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EVUPCJwQwA

Mad Wack
Mar 27, 2008

Don't stop me now


Stop eating carbs, just stop eating, take the EC stack and never eat anything ever.

gruvmeister
Dec 27, 2006

Spring has sprung,
The grass has riz,
I wonder where the flowers is


Tenchrono posted:

You look like Farva from supertroopers, but with arms.
(Shave the mustache)



Aim for the Farva from Beerfest look

Buzkashi
Feb 4, 2003


If you don't put Coach back on the air I will be really upset. The skillful acting of Craig T. Nelson will be missed a lot.

Dem Bones
Feb 25, 2005
Listen, I didn't face ten long tours against the goddamn 'bots to come back home and lift baby weights.


Mad Wack posted:

Stop eating carbs, just stop eating, take the EC stack and never eat anything ever.

he wants to lose 19lbs (66,500 calorie deficit) in a month, so basically start this yesterday

Bluff
Oct 7, 2009

YOU STUPID ASSHOLES


Kill the bastard.

I'll help.

wasianchickn
Sep 4, 2006

welp


Eat nothing but steroids for 2 months.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Looks like the velocity diet is going to be the best option for carbless living. I'm using syntha 6 though because I'm not buying T-nations peddled crap.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


all the proteins arrived today so I start this all protein all the time thing tomorrow. Let's see if I can make it a week before devouring an ice cream truck.

FAT CURES MUSCLES
Jun 2, 2011



wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLw6HM1Q1UM

I sang you guys a song I hope you like it.

fanpantstic
Jul 30, 2010

inner breathlessness
outer restlessness


wtfmoses posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLw6HM1Q1UM

I sang you guys a song I hope you like it.

This makes you seem much less murder-y than I initially imagined. (seriously, nice). (also glad that moustache is gone )

FAT CURES MUSCLES
Jun 2, 2011



I want you to come to my gym and play/sing that while I lift. (Webcams also.)

Carbon Copy
Jul 4, 2007
In the image of the Lord.

wtfmoses posted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLw6HM1Q1UM

I sang you guys a song I hope you like it.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Well making breakfast lunch and dinner is easy when all you are doing is counting scoops of protein.

fanpantstic
Jul 30, 2010

inner breathlessness
outer restlessness


wtfmoses posted:

Well making breakfast lunch and dinner is easy when all you are doing is counting scoops of protein.

Have you considered trying to lose weight in a balanced, healthy and maintainable fashion? Just curious.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Nope.

Zugzwang
Jan 2, 2005

I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.


wtfmoses posted:

I'm using syntha 6 though
"Wanna do carbless living"

*buys the highest-carb protein powder in existence* aside from APW

Cmdr. Chompernuts
Jun 6, 2004



Yesssssssssss, this log is off to an excellent start. Can you troll us better than the time you convinced us you bought roids on your student loans?

david carmichael
Oct 28, 2011



good.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Zugzwang posted:

"Wanna do carbless living"

*buys the highest-carb protein powder in existence* aside from APW

Shiiiiiiiit too late now. I'll switch when I run out.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


Cmdr. Chompernuts posted:

Yesssssssssss, this log is off to an excellent start. Can you troll us better than the time you convinced us you bought roids on your student loans?

Jokes on you that was all true. I can't imagine a better troll if its being discussed two years later.

wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


First day in the books. I am full body tired today because I've been doing a hiring fair and interviewing 900 million people all week and last week. Feel pretty good though. I finished a song kind of that I was trying to write so I will record it in the next few days and continue to assault your ear holes.

Defiant Sally
May 6, 2004

Cum all over my mirrors just gettin off on my self maan, UUAOHH

WORSHIPPIN' this BIIG motherfucker.

*fingers dickhole*


Cmdr. Chompernuts posted:

Yesssssssssss, this log is off to an excellent start. Can you troll us better than the time you convinced us you bought roids on your student loans?

No that actually, really did happen.

wasianchickn
Sep 4, 2006

welp


wtfmoses posted:

First day in the books. I am full body tired today because I've been doing a hiring fair and interviewing 900 million people all week and last week. Feel pretty good though. I finished a song kind of that I was trying to write so I will record it in the next few days and continue to assault your ear holes.

Did you lose any weight?

VLADIMIR GLUTEN
Oct 28, 2006

GAZE INTO MY RYES AND YOU WILL SEE THE TRUE POWER OF CARBOHYDRATES


I am very excited for this log





very excited.

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wtfmoses
Dec 21, 2004

Get serias


wasianchickn posted:

Did you lose any weight?

I'll weigh in at the gym tomorrow. I sure hope so!

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