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RockNRoll Jesus
Jan 3, 2008

FIND YOUR GOD FUCKING FLASH DRIVE


An odd story out of the paper that caught my eye:

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2013/f...rested-suspici/

quote:

At the scene of the first crime, at a home in the Easy Living mobile home park, 3323 Iowa St., a burglar apparently entered while residents were out, sometime before 5 p.m. Sunday, and made off with a medium-length Japanese-style sword, a blind black cat and the Chinese meditation balls, among other items, according to Sgt. Trent McKinley, a Lawrence Police Department spokesman.

Shortly after, the burglar struck again at another residence in the same neighborhood, McKinley said. About 5:20 p.m., the man terrified the residents of a nearby mobile home by barging in through their front door. He had no shoes or shirt on, but he was wearing the stolen sword on his waist in a scabbard, and was carrying the meditation balls and the cat.

The residents fled to a neighbor's house to call police, McKinley said, afraid for their lives, as the man entered their home and began eating their food.

I've read a lot of poo poo that goes on in this town, but this just made me stop and poo poo my pants. This dude was probably on drugs or something, or just severely mentally ill.

As for the purpose of this thread, I would like to see other oddball local news articles from goontowns all over the world. Let's share that poo poo.

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Miyamotos RGB NES
Dec 31, 2000



Did the family get their disabled cat back?

RockNRoll Jesus
Jan 3, 2008

FIND YOUR GOD FUCKING FLASH DRIVE


Miyamotos RGB NES posted:

Did the family get their disabled cat back?

Yup.

quote:

About 90 minutes after police arrived at the home and arrested Blake Robert Hurd, 31, of Lawrence, the earlier crime was reported. Among the items reported missing in that first theft? The cat, the sword and the Chinese meditation balls. Connecting the two incidents, police arrested Hurd on suspicion of both crimes and returned the property and the cat, who goes by the name "Freddie."

Corridor
Oct 19, 2006



Freddie the blind black cat.

Wonder what he thought what the gently caress was going on.

ModestGenius
Oct 21, 2010


http://www.echo-news.co.uk/news/102...p_drama/?ref=mr

Man refuses to get off the roof, so residents are evacuated, street is cordoned off, and the negotiators are called in. A pretty goony situation if you ask me.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


Release the feline and put the katana down, sir.

Vogler
Feb 6, 2009



90 minutes after? What's the hold-up!

Shuffle
Feb 3, 2011

DEA Sloth!
No Fast Movements!


http://www.waow.com/story/21347657/...-vandalism-case

someone dislikes our local red pine population, tries to out think those crafty trees.

BiggerJ
May 21, 2007

What shall we do with him? A permaban, perhaps? Probate him for a few years? Or...shall we employ a big red custom title? You, the goons of SA, shall decide his fate.

I remember a local news headline posted here about a child's lost stuffed toy. The line 'And now it's gone.' got its own loving paragraph.

BiggerJ fucked around with this message at Feb 26, 2013 around 11:22

Stouffer
Sep 3, 2011

For the love of God think what you're doing!

This isn't recent news, but a guy near me spontaneously combusted (apparently): http://www.galwaynews.ie/21713-galw...eous-combustion

Long Francesco
Jun 3, 2005


An oldie but goodie: http://web.archive.org/web/20011021...ell/1332513.htm


Confederate and Union Civil War cats lay strewn on the battlefield of Gettysburg.

Sometimes you just have to make the cats.

errol _flynn
Oct 6, 2009


In Maine, we have this annoying fool wandering and whistling around Portland and now he's on our local police blotter:

http://www.pressherald.com/news/cou...2013-02-24.html

(video included of him whistling) He says his goal is to spread joy. Maine has some novel, but harmless, local news.

Tekhne
Sep 11, 2001



errol _flynn posted:

In Maine, we have this annoying fool wandering and whistling around Portland and now he's on our local police blotter:

http://www.pressherald.com/news/cou...2013-02-24.html

(video included of him whistling) He says his goal is to spread joy. Maine has some novel, but harmless, local news.

Nice, I heard about that on the radio yesterday on the way to work. Apparently some people are upset because it riles up the dogs in the area
edit: he's really bad at whistling though... almost criminally

Tekhne fucked around with this message at Feb 26, 2013 around 12:35

Jippa
Feb 13, 2009


I can't find the link now but I remember the headline was "badgers ruin allotments". In case this doesn't translate into american, allotments are like small strips of land people grow vegetables and stuff on.

This headline was in massive letters as well which was funny.

John Liver
May 4, 2009



I drove past this to work every day for about a year, until...



http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/201...atue-burns-down

The Guardian posted:

A six-storey statue of Jesus Christ in a midwestern US city was struck by lightning and burned to the ground, leaving only a blackened steel skeleton and pieces of foam that were scooped up by curious onlookers yesterday.

The King of Kings statue, one of south-west Ohio's most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock church along the Interstate 75 highway in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The lightning strike set the statue ablaze around 11.15 pm on Monday night, Monroe police said.

Further proving that Dayton cannot have nice things.

G-Mach
Feb 6, 2011

One Finger to rule them all, One Finger to find them,
One Finger to bring them all and in the darkness bind them


Shuffle posted:

http://www.waow.com/story/21347657/...-vandalism-case

someone dislikes our local red pine population, tries to out think those crafty trees.

This is central Wisconsin in a nutshell.

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.

Being from Tampa Bay and by extension Florida, I have my pick of crazy poo poo in the news, but my favorite local story right now is the Mystery Monkey, who I somehow didn't know about until he got captured late last year.

The New York Times posted:

On Wednesday, the souped-up darts hit their mark. It happened outside a house in St. Petersburg where the monkey, much older than first thought, chose to settle down like so many other retirees. The monkey felt safe among the trees there, amid kind neighbors and fruit platters.

“He is a highly intelligent monkey,” said Vernon Yates, a freelance trapper from Seminole who has pursued the monkey with grudging admiration since their first encounter in 2008. “He knows how to cross streets. When he runs up to a street, he will stop and check traffic both ways before he crosses. He knows not to get into power lines.”

[...]

He was probably exiled when he got too old from a colony in Silver Springs, Fla., near Ocala, where these monkeys were imported decades ago (to appear on “Tarzan,” some say). Wildlife experts said the monkey was sure to have been confused and lonely for all those years. Monkeys crave monkeys; they want mates. Plus, it was only a matter of time before he bit someone else.

But not all is well. Dr. Woodman said he had received threats for his role in capturing the monkey. That is because the Mystery Monkey, in his wiliness and determination to elude the authorities, represented an irresistible yearning for freedom. “Go, Monkey, Go” was his slogan.

Cryptic Edge
Aug 4, 2006

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Meet the senator. http://cltampa.com/tampa/senatorial...ent?oid=2023705

quote:

It's safe to say Michael Ricardi -- aka The Senator -- is the most infamous clubgoer in all of Ybor City. As the Castle has gone from fringe Goth hangout to the best dance club in Tampa Bay, The Senator has reached an almost iconic status in the nightlife scene. It's commonplace for gracious hosts to warn first-time visitors, "Hey, there's this guy, he wears lingerie and has a hard-on, but he's completely harmless." (This is an actual quote.)

powerful weedlock
Jul 9, 2012


Some crazy old guy shot what was determined to be a mangy, diseased baby bear and ranted about it being a chupacabra on a television news report. The best part was the huge smirk the anchor had after the report played.

Poor crazy guy. He died shortly after this, from health complications due to a 20+ year meth addiction.

Chicken McNobody
Aug 7, 2009


The famous Leprechaun of Mobile, AL is local to me. (Or was, when I lived nearer to Mobile.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8

modernwinglish
Dec 27, 2012

I'll squawk the world and molt with you

Man in Thiensville, Wisconsin protests a local fish fry for bad business practices. The story itself is absurd, but it's his shoddy, cardboard sign that really makes this hilarious.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/..._n_1517908.html

HarlanHell
Nov 16, 2012

Nevermind that shit here comes Mingo!


Long Francesco posted:

An oldie but goodie: http://web.archive.org/web/20011021...ell/1332513.htm


Confederate and Union Civil War cats lay strewn on the battlefield of Gettysburg.

Sometimes you just have to make the cats.

I really want an update on this story, because it can only end two ways.

1. The girls started dating got exposed to the world, and became semi-normal adults.

2. They are the female version of the Collyer brothers.

I said come in!
Jun 22, 2004



While they are all specific to Florida, this Twitter feed gives me all of the odd local news stories I could ever want; https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan

marauderthirty
Feb 25, 2007

You will also die alone and unloved.


HarlanHell posted:

2. They are the female version of the Collyer brothers.

Are these the guys from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Because that's exactly what I was thinking.

Long Francesco
Jun 3, 2005


marauderthirty posted:

Are these the guys from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia? Because that's exactly what I was thinking.

They sure do look like McPoyles and happen to be from philly.

I did a lot of searching about a year ago when I found the article again wanting to see where they ended up, but came up with nothing.

Miker525
Jan 2, 2011


aww I actually looked through my towns local news to see if I can find anything neat. Apparently the biggest news is that the town has put up a new sign in front of the woods I used to spend my time drinking heavily in

Stop this nonsense
May 30, 2011


errol _flynn posted:

In Maine, we have this annoying fool wandering and whistling around Portland and now he's on our local police blotter:

http://www.pressherald.com/news/cou...2013-02-24.html

(video included of him whistling) He says his goal is to spread joy. Maine has some novel, but harmless, local news.

I see this guy all the time (I live in the Old Port area) and I think it's great that he just marches along in his own little whistling world

OKJEFF4
Dec 25, 2004
I got into a motorcycle fight with a ninja and won.

I wish I could find the story about this guy who used to let turkeys loose in our local Wal-Marts. I can't remember what his name was. Accountability Jones? Something like that. This was in Tulsa.

Oh, and at one point, my biological father was the most arrested man in Oklahoma history. I always dreamed of learning my family history from Jay Leno.

Daisy Chain Saw
Nov 17, 2004

JEFF GOLDBLUM PLEASE MOLEST ME


Man goes to jail after fight over a tub of cooking oil:

http://www.north-star-news.co.uk/Ne...ce-19022013.htm

There's nothing really weird up here, just boring old town issues like dog poop on the streets and horse meats scandal

Saint Sputnik
Mar 31, 2007

yeah swing low, sweet
jewel-encrusted chariot
make me young again
make me well

Favorite story from my local paper:

quote:

Unique Memento of Beloved Cat
Five years ago, Connie Kaiser finally got what she wanted.

For her birthday, her husband bought her a Maine Coon cat that she named Hercules.

Kaiser had wanted a Maine Coon cat for 20 years and she finally got one.

“He had all the characteristics of a dog,” said Kaiser.

Hercules would jump up on the couch and look out the window whenever someone would walk by the Kaisers’ home.

At Christmas, he would position himself in an old sleigh the Kaisers set up every year. It was the perfect vantage point to keep an eye on all the guests coming in and out of the home.

But something was wrong with Hercules. He began to get sick.

Kaiser found out Hercules had feline infectious peritonitis, which is an incurable disease in cats.

“He had it all his life but when we got him as a kitten the vet didn’t see it,” said Kaiser.

Hercules’ health began to deteriorate. His belly distended and he grew weak.

Kaiser struggled with taking him to a vet to be put down.

She decided that when he finally did pass, he would do so at home surrounded by his family.

In late June, Hercules finally passed away at 5 years old.

Kaiser has owned cats her whole life and took the passing of Hercules extremely tough.

“There’s a lot of grief,” said Kaiser. “People say it’s a lot like losing a loved one, a family member.”

It soon came time for Kaiser to collect all of Hercules’ things and put them away. She picked up all his toys and cleaned the hair from his bed.

That’s when she had an idea.

She then got a hold of Lauri Hoover who owns The Island Weaver.

“I told her, ‘I’m probably going to ask you the oddest question anyone’s ever asked you’,” said Kaiser.

Kaiser gave Hoover the hair she collected and asked if she could do anything with it. So Hoover spun it and it was crocheted into a forget-me-not.

It was made into a 10-point-star, which they named “The Star of Hercules.”


“It’s such a wonderful thing,” said Kaiser. “A lot of people lose pets and want something to remember them by. They want something to treasure.”

Mr.Pibbleton
Feb 3, 2006

Aleuts Rock!


Saint Sputnik posted:

Favorite story from my local paper:

I had a little mutt as a kid, he had an incredibly thick, soft coat, we'd brush it out and someone joked that the fur we got in the comb was thick we could probably spin it into yarn. They were right and there's a ball of dog yarn in a hand made wooden box in my parent's house.

crashdome
Jun 28, 2011


Stop this nonsense posted:

I see this guy all the time (I live in the Old Port area) and I think it's great that he just marches along in his own little whistling world

We have something similar. I see this dude a lot in the summer. Glad everyone generally leaves him alone.

http://www.onmilwaukee.com/myOMC/au...erinevideo.html

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008
I'm a cunt who thinks children committing suicide is funny. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt.

My town's only "newsworthy" story was about a lawnmower catching fire.

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012


http://www.thecourier.co.uk/news/lo...oncerns-1.70162

quote:

This bell was the same one used to alert the children of the Tayport 
Playgroup using that hall that Santa was on 
his way.

This caused much 
confusion among the 
children when it was time to do their fire alarm 
instruction.

On the one hand it must be crushing to think it's time for presents and then find you really have to line up outside, on the other shouldn't these kids realize when it's no where near Christmas?

Long Francesco
Jun 3, 2005


Breaking news: Man Caught Masturbating to Pair Engaged in Sex, Pulls Knife

http://towson.patch.com/articles/ma...sex-pulls-knife


quote:

The man chased the pair while brandishing the knife early Sunday morning at a Towson garage.

A couple, who were mid-coitus in a parking garage, were alarmed to find an armed man masturbating while watching them.

The victims were on the roof at a parking garage near Pennsylvania Avenue and York Road at 1:30 a.m. Feb. 24 when they saw the man, according to a crime alert issued to the Towson University community. The man then chased the pair downstairs while brandishing a butterfly knife and yelling at them.

The alert describes the man as an individual between 5 feet 4 inches and 5 feet 10 inches with a medium complexion and short hair.

Comes with bonus actual somewhat funny comment section.

Calico Heart
Mar 22, 2012

"wich the worst part was what troll face did to sonic's corpse after words wich was rape it. at that point i looked away"


In my entire life I don't know if I will ever see a better headline than Gay man who tried to poison lesbian neighbours with slug pellets over three-legged cat feud walks free

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...walks-free.html

(Apologies for Daily Mail source)

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

Flippin' fancy!


My home up until last week:

quote:

GREAT FALLS, Mont. (AP) — A Montana television station's regular programming was interrupted by news of a zombie apocalypse.

The Montana Television Network says hackers broke into the Emergency Alert System of Great Falls affiliate KRTV and its CW station Monday.

KRTV says on its website the hackers broadcast that "dead bodies are rising from their graves" in several Montana counties.

The alert claimed the bodies were "attacking the living" and warned people not to "approach or apprehend these bodies as they are extremely dangerous."

The network says there is no emergency and its engineers are investigating.

A call to KRTV was referred to a Montana Television Network executive in Bozeman. Jon Saunders didn't immediately return a call for comment.

The Great Falls Tribune reports the hoax alert generated at least four calls to police to see if it was true.

http://www.katu.com/news/weird/TV-s...-190791331.html

Those silly people didn't stop to think that Montana is one of the safest states in the US against zombie invasions!

razz
Dec 26, 2005

Queen of Maceration


My fiance's hometown has this up on their Facebook today.



Basically the local county sheriff went to the next county over and stole a gun from their sheriff's department. These are huge counties with low population density so we were joking that maybe both county sheriff departments only had one gun between them.

Angiepants
May 8, 2008


Latest one.

"NBC15 posted:

Incident Report from the Madison Police Department:

Incident Type: Trespassing Complaint

Incident Date: 02/05/2013 - 8:20 PM

Address: 2 S. Mills St. (Hong Kong Cafe)

Arrested: Male, age 60, Madison
Suspect was cited for Unlawful Trespass.

Details: None were being held between the thumb and fingers of his dominant hand. He was using it to eat, but kept the newly acquired tapered sticks – and there were many - in his right pant leg.

The hungry 60-year old was inside the Park St. McDonalds on the evening of February 5th, and an officer was asking him why he thought police would be contacting him. Through slurred speech, he professed to have no knowledge as to why this situation would arise. The officer asked the diner if he had any weapons, and if it would be okay for the officer to search him. The man said he had no weapons and that a search would be okay. That was when the chopsticks, and there were approximately 75 of them, were recovered from his trousers.

He admitted he had gotten the eating utensils from across the street, at the Hong Kong Café, where he had just been.

The officer told him that it actually was the man’s visit to the other restaurant that prompted the call to police.

The owner of Hong Kong Café wanted him arrested for trespass. The restaurateur had asked the suspect numerous times to leave, as he was just hanging out and not eating. Evidently the suspect eventually responded by sitting down on the dining room floor, in the middle of the restaurant. He stayed there for quite a while and was quoted as saying: “Why are you hating on me?” When police were called he walked across the street. Hong Kong Café wants him banned from ever coming in again.

At the time the owner called police, he was seemingly unaware of the chopstick heist.

The 60-year old was cited and released for unlawful trespass.

The Madison PD's PR secretary has had a lot of fun writing incident reports for weird police calls and has had a few articles written about him.

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RockNRoll Jesus
Jan 3, 2008

FIND YOUR GOD FUCKING FLASH DRIVE


^^I work at a restaurant and the idea of an older gentleman sitting on the floor saying 'Why you gotta hate on me' is loving hilarious. I kind of wish that would happen to me someday.

Wasn't Touchdown Jesus something that actually happened 'live' on these forums? I vaguely remember reading about it and people sharing stories about seeing the thing burning from the interstate miles away.

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