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I'm not really used to spilling my guts on the internet like this, but I've felt so awful and alone lately that I'm kind of desperate. I'm an average guy in average shape and I'm gonna turn 25 this month ( ). I have a full-time job as a receptionist, it's alright but I only make a little over 20k a year which means I'm living paycheck-to-paycheck with mostly crappy food. Still, I know I have it better than a lot of people. I don't have a history of anxiety or depression, but I'm starting to feel pretty depressed and anxious lately.The thing is, due to my biological parents being alcoholics/total deadbeats, I was adopted by my grandparents on my mom's side when I was tiny. So they were basically my mom and dad growing up. And even though they were pretty strict and old-fashioned (and occasionally beat my rear end), I always had everything I needed, and they were always affectionate and willing to listen, even when I was being a teenage idiot. Everything was pretty normal until 2005, when my grandpa passed away from a heart attack. He was in great shape for his age and it was a complete shock. There were no warning signs or gradual decline or anything. One day he was here, and the next he was just gone. It hit me extremely hard and hit my grandma even harder. We struggled and got by, right after graduating high school I started working full time doing various poo poo jobs like retail to help with the expenses, and took care of her when I wasn't working. A couple of years ago, her health began to slowly fail, and last spring she was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of brain cancer. We were told that totally eliminating the cancer was a long shot, but cutting out the tumor and following it up with radiation and chemo could at least buy her a couple more years. Instead, it just seemed to destroy whatever strength (both physical and emotional) she had left, and in October she passed away after being bedridden and miserable for several weeks. By the time she died, I was pretty much numb from the whole experience and had more or less stayed numb since, alternating between working, sleeping, and distracting myself with stupid poo poo like movies and games. Now, to make matters worse, my dog who I've had since 1999 has started having trouble walking and seems to be slipping mentally. Sometimes she looks up at me like she doesn't recognize me, and it's completely heartbreaking. Because I don't want to see her get any worse, and because it's unfair to have her alone in my apartment with nothing to do 8-10 hours a day while I'm at work, I've arranged for her to be put to sleep next week. For some reason, making that appointment at the vet the other day is the first time in the four months since my grandma passed away that it really hit me like a punch in the gut that I'm all alone, and it scares me. I have extended family, but they live hours away and have their own stuff going on. So I'm here by myself in a 2 bedroom apartment that feels loving empty and I'm about to lose the very last remnant of my immediate family and I can suddenly feel everything weighing down on me. I've inherited everything, so I have a (very messy) apartment that's bigger and more costly then I need, a bunch of furniture and knick-knacks and stuff I have no use for, and my grandma's old beat-up car which is my only set of wheels and needs a lot of work that I can't afford. I don't have any debts but it seems like my only good shot at getting a job where I can live comfortably is to go to school which - you guessed it - would involve taking on a whole mess of toxic debt. I think I'd rather just stay in the black and be loving poor, especially when the future seems so uncertain. I guess my main priority is trying to find a smaller/cheaper place, but I have so much poo poo to clean up and to get rid of, which is going to be physically and emotionally stressful since so much of it belonged to my grandma. Plus there's the whole idea of having to move myself. I'm going to need help with the furniture and poo poo but I don't want to be That Guy Who Needs Help Moving. I just don't want to burden anyone, period. I could pay people to help, but again, money's tight. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here, I just have so much on my plate that I have to confront by myself and I guess I could use some advice from people who are wiser than me or have been through something similar. At the very least I just needed to get this poo poo off my chest because it's really been eating me up this week and I just feel like I'm completely useless and stuck 
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| # ? Mar 2, 2013 16:46 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 08:46 |
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I am very sorry for your loss. Please seek some sort of grief counseling group/therapist in your area. Your parents passing away is obviously a very big thing, and it's not a time when you should be alone. <3 You seem to have quite a bit on your plate, Feranon. I suggest you take it one step at a time so you don't get overwhelmed. It's very easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Do what you need to be happy. Going to school is obviously an interest of yours, so work on that, and see what you can do to make what stuff you inherited work to your benefit. You can totally call on your friends to help you move out of that apartment too. Not having enough money is a pain in the rear end, but make something out of it. Buy pizza for them, have a good time while you're moving out. Side note: It's like you're falling into this grim mindset that I personally know is hard to pull out of. You gotta balance the serious business with something relatively easier on your mind so you don't snap. Nephielle fucked around with this message at Mar 2, 2013 around 17:05 |
| # ? Mar 2, 2013 16:53 |
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Do you have health insurance? If so, please find a therapist who can help you out. You definitely need someone to talk to you at least short term. If not, then there should still be some kind of grief-counseling groups around you. If you'd be willing to share your location generally maybe some people can help you find resources. You don't need to be alone. You're in a really tough spot- don't minimize it as having it better than a lot of people, you're not a lot of people, you're you and this sucks. Do you have friends? There's nothing wrong with needing help moving. Literally everyone needs help. Cleaning out an elderly relative's home is something that happens to tons of people, even if it's not also their own home all the time. Other people have been through this and you're not a burden and you're not a bad person for needing help, man. You just need to start moving, bit by bit, and you'll be able to improve things a little. The first thing to do is reach out to the people you DO have in your life. You need to not feel isolated. If you have any friends or relatives, even far away ones, give them a call. If any of them are related to your grandma they may WANT to help you clean out that house. If not, at least you will have talked to someone a little bit. The next thing to do, I'd say, is to begin making a new start for yourself. You have had a rough life (Shut up, yes you have) and as sad and painful as this year has been, it's also a chance for you to start over. People in E/N have all kinds of tips about how to attack a difficult decluttering/cleaning job, and I have no doubt that they'll start popping in here soon. Until then, try Unfuck Your Habitat and read through some of the stuff in this thread about cleaning. Most of it doesn't actually apply to that girl because her relatives are still there and still hoarding poo poo in her room, but it'll apply to you. You can do it dude. Working on tidying up the space and renewing it will be a big help. It will give you a goal, and daily progress you can see. It will get you off your butt and moving, which is important if you're feeling lonely and awful. I'd say, (1) start cleaning out your place, and (2) start looking for a grief group. Those are two very solid, specific things you can work on that will improve your life. Your longer term goals are probably to get a cheaper place and look into improving your income situation, whether through education or whatever else. You are not the first person to go through stuff like this, you're not actually alone, and you are in a good position to pull out of it (Thank god you don't have any debt.). As a little extra at the end of this  , here's a thread on eating and cooking for cheap and here's a tremendously spergy thread on living cheaply generally.p.s. As a tremendously nutty cat lady, I want you to know that I understand how it feels to have to put down a beloved pet, and also that you are doing the right thing for you and for your friend. Animals can't tell us when it's time, and they don't know it either. They just know they hurt and everything is weird and confusing. It is selfish and cruel to keep an animal who is suffering alive, after you cannot help them anymore. You are doing the right thing. Spoil that pup in the meantime, and have lots of snuggles and take pictures if you can. Eggplant Wizard fucked around with this message at Mar 2, 2013 around 17:08 |
| # ? Mar 2, 2013 17:01 |
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I'm sorry you feel so alone. Definitely try to do things a few steps at a time. Before thinking about the process of moving, for example, you might want to think about how to lessen your load so that moving isn't such an onerous task. That means going through stuff and determining what you do not want or need to keep - maybe a room a day? Unwanted furniture can be sold on Craigslist, which might bring in a little money to ease your way. Knickknacks can be hard because you know they meant something to someone else, even if they aren't your taste. Maybe choose a few to keep that specifically remind you of your grandparents, and then you can get rid of the rest. Clothes can be donated to charity, or put on consignment if your grandmother had anything that would qualify as interesting vintage clothing. School would probably be very good for you, both as a way to get on a forward-moving career track and as a way to socialize and meet other non-traditional students. You will feel a lot more focused and a lot more secure about the debt required if you choose your program carefully. When taking on debt, I would never just go get a degree and see what happens. I would really focus first on what career choice I was making and what I wanted to accomplish. Any four-year degree is going to make you more valuable to a wider pool of employers, but without a lot of resources to fall back on, you probably will want to choose a field that had a high initial success rate (meaning that most graduates land a job in the field upon graduating). And if your interests lie with something like plumbing or auto maintenance, then an apprenticeship is probably what you're looking for. Really research what you want to do based on your own interests, the training needed, the chances of success, and the resources of the different schools that provide the credentials you need. Look into what a school offers in terms of part-time or distance education if you want to continue to work full time.
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| # ? Mar 2, 2013 17:16 |
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When my dad passed away suddenly it was extremely difficult for me and I had many of the same feelings that you do and I never thought I would get over it. I would suggest that you talk to someone though because, for me at least, talking about my father and his death with friends and family made getting through it easier. Grief counseling is definitely something you should seek out because no one is ever really equipped to deal with death, I think what you are going through is on the normal side. It is really lousy timing that you have to put your dog down while you are still dealing with your grandmother's death but life is funny that way, my girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer soon after my dad's death. Once again, I thought it was the universe seeking me out and trying to destroy me but, taking what I had learned about myself from dealing with my father's death, I was better able to handle this new situation.
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| # ? Mar 2, 2013 17:21 |
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I can't imagine how awful it is to be going through all that at the same time. But reach out to people. Do you have any good friends, or even decent ones? I recently (and a lot of people who go through lovely times) felt the same way about not wanting to burden them with my problems, but you know what? I'm sure you've been there for other people when they were at a bad time. That's what friends do. Cash in that karma and lean on them a little bit. You don't sound like a needy drama-whore, it's okay to be that guy on a temporary basis. You'll be blown away by how much small gestures will help, or just a couple of conversations where you let all the worries out. You don't need to ask for money or help moving, or even advice. Just being around people who care will give you a little hope, improve your mood, and maybe you'll even have a little fun. It's awesome to have long-term goals, but right now you're in a real short-term crisis, so it's time to visit your rainy day funds, whether that's actual money, or just calling in some favors from friends and family, now is the time to do it.
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| # ? Mar 2, 2013 17:22 |
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Thanks for all of the replies, everyone, especially Eggplant Wizard. You're absolutely right, I've got to start cleaning stuff up a little at a time and then go from there. While I don't have health insurance or money for therapy, the hospice nurses did mention something about free grief counseling and gave me a packet of information about it, but I just kind of went into a funk and ignored it, which I realize now was stupid. I'm gonna call some of those numbers and look into it. I've really neglected socializing and interacting with other people since this whole mess started last year and I'm sure that's a huge part of what's wrong with me. Some of my relatives are going to be visiting later this month, and that'll at least get me motivated to clean the place and give me someone to talk to about the future. They've helped us out before and they've dealt with their fair share of grief, so maybe they'll be willing to help me out. At least getting to talk to them will make me feel better. I've talked to them during the last few months but I've been so numb about everything that I haven't really opened up and I'm gonna change that. If I can tell goons all this poo poo I should really level with them about how I'm feeling since they actually know me and might be able to help out. I already feel a bit better just talking about it on here, especially seeing supportive and helpful replies. Thanks again, guys 
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| # ? Mar 2, 2013 18:19 |
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Definitely, definitely be with other people as much as you can. Friends, family, whoever you can. Talking to people on the internet is also better than nothing, but there's really no substitute for real human companionship at times like this.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 00:32 |
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Feranon posted:I'm going to need help with the furniture and poo poo but I don't want to be That Guy Who Needs Help Moving. I just don't want to burden anyone, period. In a way, being asked for a favor (like "hey, can you come over sometime and help me put poo poo in boxes while we drink beer?") is a compliment to the person being asked. It shows that you rely on them and trust them. Even mild friends, social acquaintances, work buddies - anyone you know, I bet you they wouldn't mind helping out if you said you needed help. The worst they can say is no. Good luck.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 00:46 |
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moana posted:Imagine one of your friends had this happen to them and asked for your help. What would you feel? Chances are you wouldn't be irritated or feel like it was a burden at all. Most people are happy to help out if someone needs it, especially on the heels of a death in the family. Most people will understand how it feels to lose someone close to them and will step up to help you while you're grieving. I guess I hadn't really looked at it that way, but it makes sense. I've just been feeling like my life is kind of a disaster and asking other people to help clean it up would be lovely. A lot of my circumstances aren't my fault but my mind has a way of turning it around and making me kick myself as if everything bad that happens to me is something I caused or deserved - which is stupid, of course, but that's the human brain for you. When I got home from work today I got some cleaning done in the kitchen and called my aunt and uncle to talk about their visit and just vent a little about how I've been feeling. I was surprised at how well they listened, and my aunt started to cry with me when I told her about the euthanasia appointment.  But it sounds like they might be willing to help me with moving or at least getting rid of some furniture, and talking to them made me feel a lot better. I also found the packet that the bereavement coordinator at the hospice gave me, and on my next day off I'm gonna give her a call and see what kind of counseling is available.I've felt a lot better today after talking about this and I think tomorrow will be fine too since I'll have work all day to concentrate on. I just have to stop worrying myself about everything at once and go day to day. Even if I can't move this year I'll still have a roof over my head. If the car finally gives out I'll get a loving bike and learn to enjoy public transit. I have my health, and my youth, and a steady job, and I have people who love and care about me even if they're distant. It's not the end of the world and I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I really appreciate everyone's replies and concern, and if anyone has more advice, or is going through something similar and wants to talk about it, please go ahead. I'll still be here.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 02:19 |
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I don't understand people who want to kill their animals without consulting a professional first. Dogs age faster than humans and should have more vet visits; not taking an old dog to the vet for years is like an older person not seeing a doctor for 40 years. There's medicine for dogs available just like humans, imagine that. My dog needed a pacemaker when she was 14 and she got it because that's what the vets said she needed. How do you know what your dog needs? Besides to be killed that is.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 04:46 |
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I'm very sorry for your loss. Getting rid of your loved one's things after they pass is hard to do, but it's something that needs to be done for you to be able to move on. Keep a few small things that are important like pictures and home movies, maybe a few personal items like jewelry, but ultimately it's just a lot of stuff that you don't need. Big stuff like furniture you can call Salvation Army and they'll come and pick it up, the rest you can donate to people in need or sell any valuables to help you find a new place. Finding a smaller place will help a lot. If you can minimalize your things, living in an efficiency appartment is a great way to save money on rent and utilities. If you can find a place walking or biking distance away from work, you can save more there too. Lots of little things add up, and at least you might be able to eat better or have money to do things besides play video games and watch TV. Volunteer your time to help children or the elderly, it's a great feeling to be able to help people that really need it, and it might just help you get out of a funk. Exercise, ride a bike, skateboard, etc. stay active, it's a cliche in e/n but it is for a reason because it really works. Keep yourself busy, meet new people, and in time you'll feel better.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 05:52 |
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Bippie Mishap posted:I don't understand people who want to kill their animals without consulting a professional first. Dogs age faster than humans and should have more vet visits; not taking an old dog to the vet for years is like an older person not seeing a doctor for 40 years. There's medicine for dogs available just like humans, imagine that. My dog needed a pacemaker when she was 14 and she got it because that's what the vets said she needed. How do you know what your dog needs? Besides to be killed that is. I don't understand people who feel capable of judging someone else's euthanasia choice (for animal or human). It's hard enough without someone spouting their opinion on what clearly is a carefully considered choice. If the OP can't afford a complete workup and long term medical costs *or* if the prognosis is clearly low quality of life then this is absolutely a choice they should make without a selfish desire to prolong, or a sense of guilt for not being wealthy enough to get 'perfect' medical care. It takes a lot more love and understanding to make the difficult choice than the easy. OP please do ask your family if they want anything of your grandparents lingering belonging, and absolutely ask your friends and people you care about for help with moving, whatever. I understand some of the difficulties of losing family young and pushing people away or trying to achieve complete independence/self-sufficiency are reactions you should be mindful about. Blitter fucked around with this message at Mar 3, 2013 around 06:11 |
| # ? Mar 3, 2013 06:07 |
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OP I am very sorry for what you are going through. Reaching out to your family and calling the grief counselors is an excellent thing to do. Your world has been rocked and it's important to stay in contact with yourself and loved ones during this time. Rule #1: don't neglect yourself. Eat, work, stay healthy. Focus on settling business at this apartment and move yourself to a cheaper place. Save money. Going back to school is a great goal but there are more immediate issues that should be dealt with first. When you do begin sorting through belongings, it might become emotional to deal with your mom's stuff. If you find it difficult to part with items that were special to her but aren't things you want to keep, take a photo of it. Other posters have made excellent suggestions about offering things to family first, then selling stuff on craigslist, then calling a charity to pick up whatever you can't sell. A lot of shelters always need women's clothing and kitchen/household items.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 07:13 |
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Blitter posted:I don't understand people who feel capable of judging someone else's euthanasia choice (for animal or human). It's hard enough without someone spouting their opinion on what clearly is a carefully considered choice. If the OP can't afford a complete workup and long term medical costs *or* if the prognosis is clearly low quality of life then this is absolutely a choice they should make without a selfish desire to prolong, or a sense of guilt for not being wealthy enough to get 'perfect' medical care. Thank you for saying it better than I could. Even the vet agreed that there wasn't much else to do when I described her symptoms. I feel like I'm betraying my dog more if I don't let her go, and it's still the most painful decision I've ever had to make.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 16:25 |
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Feranon posted:Thank you for saying it better than I could. Even the vet agreed that there wasn't much else to do when I described her symptoms. I feel like I'm betraying my dog more if I don't let her go, and it's still the most painful decision I've ever had to make. It sucks, right? But not everyone has the financial or emotional resources to keep an aging dog going. She's 14, for goodness' sake. That's quite old for most dog breeds. Again, any PI poster knows I'm a big pet sperg, and I think you're doing the right thing. It's okay.  It sucks balls, but it's okay.I am so glad you have relatives to talk to. It really does sound like you have been depressed probably since your grandma got ill. Isolating yourself is a pretty clear indication of that. You're also not stupid for not calling the grief counselors immediately upon getting the packet... who would? At that moment you just want to lay down and curl up in your sadness. You don't get to the point where you realize you need help until later. If it helps, a bunch of goons have posted progress pics for their cleaning etc. type journeys in E/N. Some of them find it a good way to feel connected to people and to be responsible for progress. If you want to do that that'd be cool, although as you can see, you'll probably get people flipping out at you for not throwing away one particular trinket. On the whole it seems to help though. e: vvvvvvvvv This guy is right about audiobooks. You can also get free audiobooks of public domain works at librivox.com, if you can stand the amateur readers. I go for podcasts instead, which has inadvertently resulted in my knowing a lot more about news, economics, and personal finance than I did before. Win-win! Eggplant Wizard fucked around with this message at Mar 3, 2013 around 17:06 |
| # ? Mar 3, 2013 16:34 |
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Feranon, I have issues with depression and anxiety, and things get more than a little messy. Something I've found that helps is that I turn off the TV, and play an audiobook on the computer. Since there's nothing to -watch- and distract myself from cleaning, it's much easier to do things, but I also don't feel bored or alone. My mind is listening to the book (I prefer history or lectures), and my hands can be doing cleaning. It also means that my mind is not worrying over and remembering things that stimulate anxiety or depression, even while I'm sorting through things that have upset me like that. Audible is only like $18 bucks a month, and you can get twenty hour long audiobooks for that subscription fee. -And- you can learn some really neat things (PM me if you want suggestions on what audiobooks I've got). And about your dog--I'm there with you. I've got a fifteen year old dog myself, and if I weren't a stay at home wife, I'd wonder what kind of quality of life he'd have at this point. Making that decision is very, very hard, especially since you've just gone through a long illness with your grandmother. I think you've very strong to make it as you have, I know I'm currently not that strong and I wonder if its harder on my dog than it is on me. At any rate...good luck, best wishes. Talking about it IS the hardest part, and you're already miles ahead of lots of people by recognizing issues before they are at crisis point. :-)
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 16:49 |
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VotGs posted:Feranon, I have issues with depression and anxiety, and things get more than a little messy. Hey, sorry to hear about your anxiety and depression. I've been okay most of my life but the taste of it that I've had lately is loving awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's so hard to pull yourself out of this self-defeating, self-isolating mindset, even when you're consciously aware that it's bullshit. I guess I wouldn't be human if loved ones dying didn't depress me, but it sure doesn't help when you're trying to pick up the pieces. I have recognized that the near-total silence in my apartment can be a problem and have started playing music through my speakers instead of headphones when I'm home, or leaving the TV on something upbeat like basketball for background noise. I hadn't considered podcasts/audiobooks, though. By all means, give me some recommendations and I'll look into it 
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 17:24 |
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Man, my papa (grandfather) was like a father to me, too. When he died of a heart attack, just as abruptly as yours, me and the whole family froze. I dropped out of high school, neglected myself, my responsibilities and even my friends and family. It took countless bouts of depression and several quit jobs, few years too, for me to realize what it would take for my success. I will soon achieve a happy normal boring life just like I wanted. Maybe even become half the man my papa was in the process. I just wanted to say though, that reading this thread and your story, your life in the making has helped enforce my own plans as well. I'm sorry for your losses and misfortunes. There will always be better days ahead so try not to despair too much. And for the love of goon, don't forget and bury the memories of those you have lost later in life, cherish and give rise to the good they have done you.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 19:43 |
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Feranon posted:Hey, sorry to hear about your anxiety and depression. I've been okay most of my life but the taste of it that I've had lately is loving awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's so hard to pull yourself out of this self-defeating, self-isolating mindset, even when you're consciously aware that it's bullshit. I guess I wouldn't be human if loved ones dying didn't depress me, but it sure doesn't help when you're trying to pick up the pieces. The self-defeat is probably the worst part of it. What's really neat is you can tell the difference in tone between your first post and your most recent--sometimes our minds are our own worst feedback loops, and you've gotta hear from other people. If you're interested in Medieval/Anglo Saxon history, Michael Drout's American Scholar lectures cover chaucer, the anglo saxon world, and a history of English. "Queen Isabella" by Alison Weir is about the She Wolf of France, a notorious (and probably unjustly so) Queen of England (famously misportrayed in Braveheart). "A Distant Mirror" is also a good overall look at medieval times. If you like true crime or forensics, Murder of the Century, Beyond Bad, Devil in the White City, Poisoners Handbook (the actual narrator is somewhat awful, but the history of murder in the Jazz Age/Prohibition is really spectacular). "Last Call" is about the history of Prohibition (did you know that modern income taxes are closely tied to Prohibition?), and "Triangle" is about the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire, that spurred a great deal of workplace reform and unionism in New York City. There's also whole seasons of Ricky Gervais' radio show if you want something a bit lighter. There's also large amounts of Sci Fi and Fantasy, including CJ Cherryh's great novels, and I believe Game of Thrones is also on there. I tend to stay away from podcasts and the like, because the hosts can get excited, and their interjections pull me out of the 'meditation of cleaning'. But Skeptics Guide to the Universe is pretty good. Most of the ones I mentioned above are ten hours or longer--Isabella is over twenty, and A Distant Mirror is almost thirty. It's very comfortable to settle into a long, pleasing narration while you work. Even better, you're not just -cleaning-. You're also educating yourself on topics that interest you, broadening yourself as a person. That's a kind of accomplishment that just feels good internally. "I learned some neat poo poo AND I cleaned out and organized that closet!" Another thing that's been working for me lately is that I promise to myself to do -three chores every day-. Even if they're small chores, like 'sorting through that box' or 'taking out the trash' or even 'wiping down the stovetop'. As long as you do three things that needed to be done everyday, you're making progress. This really helps with sorting through upsetting things, like the effects of your grandparents, so you're not piling a whole bunch of stress and memories into a single day. Also....if you're like me, and you have real issues letting go of things, but you want a smaller place and less clutter, invest in a storage unit. A small closet sized one can hold boxes of memories and mementos, so they're out of your way, though what you save in moving to a smaller place you may spend on the storage unit. I find that just having stuff stored away safely and not in my way is also a huge mental boon. When I was very poor, just knowing that my stuff was safe, even if I was just eating ramen and leftover MREs was the only thing keeping me sane. So.....yeah. There. I am throwing advice at you! It might not all fit, but people told me the same things ages ago, and it took a while to sink in, but when it did, it was great.
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| # ? Mar 3, 2013 22:10 |
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Thanks for all the advice/recommendations, I'll definitely be looking into it. I like the three-a-day idea especially, it'll be a good way to keep track of what I'm doing.
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| # ? Mar 4, 2013 01:55 |
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I'm generally a loner myself but I've learned that there needs to be some measure of letting yourself go around people in order to lose the lonely feeling that comes with it. What this means is finding a kindred spirit (or two) in the world and not being self conscious in your interactions with them. We are social creatures and we find helping each other innately more rewarding than being helped, there have been studies that confirm this - no one likes being in someone else's debt, but everyone feels rewarded when they are owed a favor in exchange for a favor.
SheepNameKiller fucked around with this message at Mar 4, 2013 around 16:41 |
| # ? Mar 4, 2013 16:35 |
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There has been some really great advice in this thread so far so, I am going to only add a bit of encouragement. Your life has changed drastically. It doesn't happen to everyone but, a lot of people go through life having to deal with drastic changes. Deaths, traveling/moving, and sometimes just waking up and realizing you are alone in life because your family/friends are toxic are all common reasons. Whether the reason is good or bad, the thing to do is to look positively at the opportunity and not dwell on the negativity of the reason. You have lost a great grandmother and grandfather and that certainly sucks. Alternatively, you have that love and time you spent with them to give to others. Find them.
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| # ? Mar 4, 2013 18:48 |
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OP, I am your age, and you are dealing with stuff that I can't imagine having to deal with. I think you are doing a great job. You might consider looking into community mental health centers that offer therapy on a sliding scale. You seem to have a very good head on your shoulders, but a therapist could give you some tools to help process all of this and take the edge off a little. Therapy as a solution gets tossed around a lot in EN, but I really think a good therapist or grief counselor could help you deal with this in the short term. Good luck, buddy.
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| # ? Mar 5, 2013 05:23 |
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Oh, man. I'm a year older than you, and I can't imagine dealing with what you're dealing with. As regards bereavement counselling: I don't know what the score is with things your side of the pond, but here in the UK there is at least one national charity for bereavement counselling, and I've very much imagine there are local ones too. If you can't afford therapy, this might be the kind of avenue it'd be worth looking down—they're not going to be able to do anything drastic, but they'll sit and talk to you and let you void all the emotions that are screaming around behind the numbness. The experiences my grandmother is currently having with a UK charity called Cruse have been excellent; the counsellor has visited her in hospital and at her home, with not so much as a murmur. Grief is a really difficult thing; it can take months and even years to truly get over. My father lost his mother some ten years ago and he still chats to her periodically when he's on his own, and I know there's a part of him that still misses her desperately. It's a cliché, yes, but that's because it's true: talking helps. Reaching out initially is really hard, especially when you've become so self sufficient, but it's absolutely astounding the amount of people who will seemingly sprout sympathetic ears from nowhere; people you'd least expect. Basically, no one is going to shoot you down if you call them and say, "Balls to it, I'm having a crap day." It's hard, but you mustn't feel like you're a burden. You're not. We're social creatures, and reaching out to familiar faces after death is our in-built therapy reaction. Wether it's sympathetic aunts or the guy propping up the bar beside you on a quiet night, it's amazing who's out there and willing to listen—and what you can get back from them is as important as you talking to them. Good luck, pal. Don't forget to lean on people a little until your emotional legs work again. It's an okay thing to do.
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| # ? Mar 5, 2013 14:55 |
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Well, tomorrow is the day. Over the last few nights I've given her a nice long bath and brushed her fur a lot. I've also been giving her treats and keeping her snuggled up next to me in bed. She probably thinks I've lost my loving marbles, and that's just fine. I found a really nice pic of her from xmas 2010, before everything went to hell:  Her name's Ladybug. February 10 1999 - March 7 2013. The best dog anyone could have had, as far as I'm concerned. I'm posting this now because I'm probably going to be sick to my stomach tomorrow. Thanks again for your advice and encouragement, everyone.
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| # ? Mar 7, 2013 03:31 |
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I know how hard it is. It will take awhile to feel like it was the right decision, but in a few months you'll look back and know it was the best thing you could do for her. Stay strong.
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| # ? Mar 8, 2013 02:38 |
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VotGs posted:audiobook stuff Try your local public library for free audiobooks. Lots of libraries also have audiobooks to download. I'm so sorry about Ladybug. She is a beautiful, beautiful dog and she's lucky to have had someone as great as you with her. I know it was a hard decision, but thank you for thinking of her comfort and happiness over your own.
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| # ? Mar 8, 2013 03:46 |
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Feranon posted:Hey, sorry to hear about your anxiety and depression. I've been okay most of my life but the taste of it that I've had lately is loving awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's so hard to pull yourself out of this self-defeating, self-isolating mindset, even when you're consciously aware that it's bullshit. I guess I wouldn't be human if loved ones dying didn't depress me, but it sure doesn't help when you're trying to pick up the pieces. Audio books have helped me get SO MUCH poo poo done. Not to mention more time to "read", since I listen on trips, while shopping, exercising etc. But yes, hours of housework goes by very fast with a good book. I hope you can get some help, and I hope everything goes as well as can be expected.
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| # ? Mar 8, 2013 14:56 |
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| # ? May 26, 2013 08:46 |
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So I'm doing more or less okay now. Yesterday was as awful as you would expect but I still feel like it was the lesser of two evils. I've done a lot of cleaning up and my relatives are coming on thursday so I'll have someone to talk to face to face. Things are improving little by little.
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| # ? Mar 8, 2013 22:19 |
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