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When I was in the Army, I did a lot of dumb things. Really dumb things. Dumb things that I'm amazed I'm still alive, or not in prison. To get the potential dick-waving contest out of the way: I (we) used to disarm IEDs by hand. That's right. No bomb suits, no robots. No nine line UXO reports, no EOD. By hand. With a wire cutter and a pair of brass balls. This was because we were too far out from EOD to get support from them, and before robots were issued to Sapper companies. The only people allowed to do it had to have gone to Sapper school. Mother of gently caress was that stupid. I drew the short straw and had to do it myself maybe 5 times. Anyway, I once was out on patrol helping out one of the line platoons in my company. It was a ~3 hour patrol and it was going to be dusk/early evening so we took NVGs, of course. Everything is fine and dandy until one of the loving goddamn Iraqi kids steals the NVGs off one of the duders I was on patrol with, because he didn't secure it properly to his person. Not thinking at all, I chase after the kid into a nearby house. Right in the front door, through the living room and up top on the roof. Thankfully, there wasn't a loving ambush waiting. Kid jumps to the next part of the house and taunts me. I take a leap expecting to land on the roof, you know, like they do in the movies. Nope. Turns out when you're wearing 75+ pounds of poo poo it's hard to jump the required four feet. I come up short, and the edge of the roof slams into my chest. My magazines/plates break/bruise my ribs and I go falling right off the ledge. At which point I land on some random poo poo and the edge of my rear plate hits my lower spine so hard it leaves a bruise for a week and cracks the plate pretty nasty. Thankfully, it was only a one story fall. Kid gave back the NVGs after we threatened to burn his house down. ----- After we got back from deployment I was piss drunk and wandering around Fort Carson with some friends. I wake up in my room with a large amount of dirt on the floor. I check my kitchen area and there is a large sign, concrete post and all, sitting in my corner. The sign reads RESERVED - 3D ACR COMMANDER - COL MCMASTER. I quickly clean up all the dirt trails that lead right to my room, and dispose of the sign that night by throwing it into the pits near the tank trails. I should have kept it. ----- Intentional trolling gets punished accordingly, toodles~
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| # ? Mar 10, 2013 23:19 |
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| # ? May 25, 2013 11:07 |
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I kicked a suspected IED once. I was pretty sure it was nothing, in fact sitting at a desk I'd say 100% sure. But I god drat straight ANA style kicked a suspected IED. I got pretty good at spotting IEDs. I spotted them first a few times and got a big head. One day I noticed something on a convoy. I said nothing. It was a bomb and now my back is all hosed up, my knees suck, and a few other fun things. Karma was in full effect and no one else was seriously hurt. I bought an engagement ring for a girl I was pretty drat sure had cheated on me. I intended to marry her a month before my first deployment. My dad found out and convinced me not to. She ran off with a guy from Florida she met online after I was in country for a month.
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| # ? Mar 10, 2013 23:28 |
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Vasudus posted:After we got back from deployment I was piss drunk and wandering around Fort Carson with some friends. I wake up in my room with a large amount of dirt on the floor. I check my kitchen area and there is a large sign, concrete post and all, sitting in my corner. The sign reads RESERVED - 3D ACR COMMANDER - COL MCMASTER. I quickly clean up all the dirt trails that lead right to my room, and dispose of the sign that night by throwing it into the pits near the tank trails. I should have kept it. I snagged at least 2 wing commander license plates while TDY. Also a UHF/VHF blade antenna somehow found its way back to our office once upon a time. Whoever left that out during an airshow should probably also post in this thread.
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| # ? Mar 10, 2013 23:37 |
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I joined the military.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 00:01 |
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AIDS CURES FAGGOTS posted:I joined the military. Pretty much. None of my dumb poo poo is that severe. 1. Was a week past my RNLTD for an assignment and the OIC from the gaining sq was calling wondering what was going on. Ended up not getting in trouble because I was a babby airman doing all my pcs poo poo unsupervised. 2. Failed a PT test right after the AF standards got upped. Got a 90+ on the follow-up test which meant I didn't have to test for another year. Failed again after that year was up, and got a 90+ again on the follow-up meaning I had no more tests before I seperated. I failed because I was a lazy rear end who would stop working out after several months. The worst that happened was getting a LOR from the flight chief on the second failure.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 00:24 |
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Love these threads My cousin just enlisted with the RNZN, do we even have any boats?? Click Beelay fucked around with this message at Mar 11, 2013 around 02:31 |
| # ? Mar 11, 2013 02:26 |
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I did a lot of stupid poo poo, but very, very little was life threatening. I never bothered learning how to lift poo poo properly until my first back problem. Worst was lifting a 420 pound floor jack with only one other guy, ground to humvee. Then there was a 300~ pound winch in a crate that almost took off a finger. Also not wearing safety glasses and getting all sorts of poo poo in my eyes, mostly fuels and metal shavings. loving amazed I didn't lose an eye. Took a snap-ring from a transmission to the corner of my eye once also. Basically, I'm terrible at anything safety related and it's a good thing I got out of wrenching before I dropped an engine on myself. Also fell into a service pit working at a truck stop before I went in, about a six foot fall, but came out of that just a bad strain in my leg and knee, a few days recovery. Used to blow the snap ring off two piece rims without a cage for fun at another truck stop. Face it ring side down and you'll get some good height from it. Not airbag height, but still pretty impressive for a 150 pound rim/tire. Gotta watch that the gator doesn't bite ya, so if anyone's dumb enough to do this poo poo, do it hiding behind something stout.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 03:26 |
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With no training or any real idea of what we were doing, we rigged 50+ 500lb motors out of the plant. Occasionally people got hurt because we really had no loving clue about chainfalls, knots, or anything. My steel toe boot saved me from having a crushed foot once. Similarly, we removed a poo poo ton of lagging without having any clue if it has asbestos in it or not. I had never heard of it before. It's been long enough that I'm pretty sure I don't have mesothelioma. I've done a lot of dumb things with electricity. There's a reason electricians have weird scars.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 12:55 |
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I got shithouse drunk while TAD in Rio de Janeiro and ended up making out with an ugly 45-year old Brazilian woman at a bar. At that same bar one of the other guys lost his government credit card. I was an airwinger so I don't have any stupid stories that involve exciting or dangerous things.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 13:09 |
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At Marine Corps OCS in the mid 90s I told a Drill Instructor "Because the Air Force wasn't hiring that day" when he asked me why I joined the Marines. Went through the rest of OCS with some bruised ribs Called out a ground school instructor (Civilian) for not knowing what the gently caress she was talking about in class. A few months later I had to do a check ride with her husband (O-4). Tailhook jokes when that wound was still fresh poo poo fast rope technique and an improperly secured ruck which caused me to fall ~20 feet that broke my left knee and gave my tibia a nice spiral fracture that cost me my entire military career.
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| # ? Mar 11, 2013 14:24 |
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Getting pissed drunk and waking up next to a CID CW3s wife. I ran the gently caress out of that house only to wake up next to her and a ssgs wife the next weekend. i quit drinking in graf after that until we got back from deployment. replaced an HPA fan on a STT while it was transmitting and speaking of radiation running up ALQ-144s all day with no radiation shield. i probably am seriously sterile right now. Shooting people in the nuts and getting shot in the nuts with a APR-39 gun. (i dont know what they are actually called)
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| # ? Mar 12, 2013 21:06 |
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karbraxis posted:Getting pissed drunk and waking up next to a CID CW3s wife. I ran the gently caress out of that house only to wake up next to her and a ssgs wife the next weekend. i quit drinking in graf after that until we got back from deployment. 
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 05:06 |
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I was told I made out with a lady boy in Thailand. I still insist it was a barely legal bar girl. But they said I made out with her and the lady boy... At the same time....
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 05:12 |
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Kaliber posted:I was told I made out with a lady boy in Thailand. I still insist it was a barely legal bar girl. But they said I made out with her and the lady boy... At the same time.... It's like how in a firing squad one of the rifles is loaded with a blank so each individual can say "my rifle didnt kill him". The truth is lost to time, but keep thinking what you are thinking to remove your guilt. FYI The barely legal bar girl probably also had a penis. I got my foot ran over while I was doing a FOD check. Left the engine on, hopped out, it was in reverse when I thought it was in park, and rolled my right foot trying to get back in the cab to stop it. Good confidence check on my steel toes, only the upper half of my foot was shattered by the shop F350.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 05:23 |
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Belived a girl who lived near post when she said "Don't worry I'm on the pill".
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 05:40 |
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I might have sort have "fallen in love" with a girl I went to tech school with, it's in quotes because the whole thing spawned in the mind of an immature 19 year old who was going through kind of a rough patch at the time. We were never more than friends, and I thankfully kept it to myself. She probably had some idea but I'd like to think I avoided making a complete rear end of myself. I felt like enough of a jackass at the time that I completely cut contact when I left, which was a pretty lovely move since I valued the friendship a lot, and probably would have gotten over it much sooner than I did. I've got dysthymia which was probably a contributing factor, and this incident occasionally intrudes on the present and bothers me a bit, which is dumb considering how minor this is for even a social fuckup and no worth beating myself up over. There you have it, 19 year old Casimir Radon was a bit of a pathetic idiot, there are so many worse things I could have done at that age but this is my personal shame  Congrats Gip, you now know something I'm too ashamed to talk to my therapist about.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 05:40 |
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Casimir Radon posted:I might have sort have "fallen in love" with a girl I went to tech school with, it's in quotes because the whole thing spawned in the mind of an immature 19 year old who was going through kind of a rough patch at the time. We were never more than friends, and I thankfully kept it to myself. She probably had some idea but I'd like to think I avoided making a complete rear end of myself. I felt like enough of a jackass at the time that I completely cut contact when I left, which was a pretty lovely move since I valued the friendship a lot, and probably would have gotten over it much sooner than I did. I've got dysthymia which was probably a contributing factor, and this incident occasionally intrudes on the present and bothers me a bit, which is dumb considering how minor this is for even a social fuckup and no worth beating myself up over. There you have it, 19 year old Casimir Radon was a bit of a pathetic idiot, there are so many worse things I could have done at that age but this is my personal shame holy poo poo this is the gayest what (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 06:27 |
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are you a legit suicide risk?? bc if not i can come up with a few reasons why you should be from that post alone jfc
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 06:28 |
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About ten years ago I drove a humvee into a hole and cracked the window with my forehead. It was dark, I was young, dumb and barely knew what I was doing, blackout rules, NVG's and empty mortar pits. Not sure if that or the other dumb poo poo that happened shortly after, unrelated to the humvee, is where the anger and memory issues come from.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 06:33 |
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I hosed a hooker in the woods of Bulgaria with my squad leader and buddy because my buddy screamed "gently caress YEAH!!!!" And the SQD LDR yelled "WOOOOOOOOOO". They lived out of a lean to. I was so scared of catching HIV. I invited a hooker from the redlight in Germany to the unit's formal. Luckily I sobered up and never picked up her calls after that. After that she did remember me and would always snatch my drunk rear end up from the street if she saw me. I ended up banging some joe hoe barrack slut inside the bathroom at the Weiden Volksfest in my class A's in my wasted state. I lost my Class A top that night somehow. Regret that poo poo, because I had to buy ASU's and those things are expensive. I'm in a relationship with my supply SGT. My awesome adventures don't exist anymore. Kaliber fucked around with this message at Mar 13, 2013 around 06:50 |
| # ? Mar 13, 2013 06:46 |
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bradass87 posted:are you a legit suicide risk??
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 10:33 |
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I'm pretty good at making these god-awful screeching, howling noises. The best way to describe it would be "screaming while inhaling". Anyway it's great to do to in someone's ear when and make em jump. So anyway, it's launch night for a Minuteman back at Vandyland and I'm MCO, and my buddy is MCOA. There's something unique about this launch but it was like almost eight years ago so I'll be hosed if I can remember what it was, but we had a 4-star on the net and another 2-star in the launch room with us, so that means every suck up motherfucker that wants to be seen and get patted on the head like the loving dog they are was in that room, some sycophantic nightmare where even your farts better be agreeable. You can guess it. So MCOA is overlooking plans and for whatever reason I think "well this is just a FINE time to do this annoying thing" and get a really good one off in his ear. The whole loving launch room falls dead quiet, and I could feel every hateful, rear end-kissing eye roll directly to me as if to say "ugh, ENLISTED", so that pretty much set the mood for the night. Of course PTT was depressed so everyone on the net heard, which means my NCO and shirt heard about it, but luckily they knew it was bullshit and didn't crack down. Also I did coke in tech school in a hotel room with a hooker. I was living scared for a while after that.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 12:05 |
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I joined the Reserves instead of going active duty because I wanted to stay in my hometown and go to college with my ~~**high school girlfriend**~~ that I was so madly in love with. Oops.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 16:40 |
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MaDeuce posted:Belived a girl who lived near post when she said "Don't worry I'm on the pill". Oh yeah I did this one too.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 16:41 |
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I elected to retrain into the personnel career field from the aircraft maintenance field in the Air Force. I should have got the gently caress out. I'm such a loving poo poo for brains idiot.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 17:57 |
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Admiral Bosch posted:I joined the Reserves instead of going active duty.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 18:23 |
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I put transmission fluid where the oil should go in an Abrams once. Or the other way around. Either way, I hosed up with POL.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 20:59 |
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I put transmission fluid where the oil should go in an Abrams once. Or the other way around. Either way, I hosed up with POL. Why was an officer doing maintenence? Or is Armor some magic world where that happens?
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 21:06 |
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HATE CURES TRANNYS posted:Why was an officer doing maintenence? Or is Armor some magic world where that happens? Everybody does PMCS on their own track. We had a break on a maneuver course, so we filled up on POL.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 21:09 |
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:Everybody does PMCS on their own track. We had a break on a maneuver course, so we filled up on POL. The closest I've ever seen an officer get to a vehicle on maintenance day was handing a socket wrench to the dude underneath while passing by.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 21:11 |
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Vasudus posted:The closest I've ever seen an officer get to a vehicle on maintenance day was handing a socket wrench to the dude underneath while passing by. That doesn't fly, at least not in my unit. General consensus amongst the officers is that you are a turd if you're just standing around. Besides, drill gets loving boring if you're not doing anything. I'd rather be hitting grease points.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 21:17 |
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You're in some magical unicorn unit. Os and SNCOs are never anywhere near the motorpool unless there's a mandatory formation or signing over equipment or whatever. Otherwise it's a few old-hand sergeants or an E6 floating around making sure Joe don't run one tank into another. You're supposed to sip chardonnay out on the yacht whilst roasting an E-fuzzy over a fire basted in the tears of other lower enlisted.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 23:16 |
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not caring here posted:You're in some magical unicorn unit. Not a magical unicorn unit, it's just that most of the officers are prior enlisted.
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| # ? Mar 13, 2013 23:20 |
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poo poo Vas speaking of EOD I remember once I was in Iraq and this guy no poo poo came up to me with a bomb locked onto him. I tried as hard as I could to torch cut the IED off, poo poo, I was probably willing to just lay it all out trying to save him 'cuz Iraq was the only place things ever made sense, but eventually I snapped out of it and ran off just in time. Fucker detonated, and I lived another day. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 00:59 |
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TheUnhorse posted:poo poo Vas speaking of EOD I remember once I was in Iraq and this guy no poo poo came up to me with a bomb locked onto him. I tried as hard as I could to torch cut the IED off, poo poo, I was probably willing to just lay it all out trying to save him 'cuz Iraq was the only place things ever made sense, but eventually I snapped out of it and ran off just in time. Fucker detonated, and I lived another day. Isn't that the 'Oscar scene' from the Hurt Locker?
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 01:07 |
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Booblord Zagats posted:Isn't that the 'Oscar scene' from the Hurt Locker? 
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 01:13 |
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I know this is a judgement free zone, but that joke was shittier than the abortion that spawned it.
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 01:19 |
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Casimir Radon posted:I might have sort have "fallen in love" with a girl I went to tech school with, it's in quotes because the whole thing spawned in the mind of an immature 19 year old who was going through kind of a rough patch at the time. We were never more than friends, and I thankfully kept it to myself. She probably had some idea but I'd like to think I avoided making a complete rear end of myself. I felt like enough of a jackass at the time that I completely cut contact when I left, which was a pretty lovely move since I valued the friendship a lot, and probably would have gotten over it much sooner than I did. I've got dysthymia which was probably a contributing factor, and this incident occasionally intrudes on the present and bothers me a bit, which is dumb considering how minor this is for even a social fuckup and no worth beating myself up over. There you have it, 19 year old Casimir Radon was a bit of a pathetic idiot, there are so many worse things I could have done at that age but this is my personal shame You should tell your therapist about it. If you're not going to be honest with them and tell them poo poo that bothers you they're not going to be able to help you as much as they could. I had a hookup with this guy I work with 18 months ago and one deployment and one night of almost drinking myself to death plus a few trips to mental health later that poo poo still bothers me. I decided today to go back there and scheduled an appointment. I'm not gonna hide anything because they've doubtlessly heard it all before and are more likely to be able to steer me in the right direction if they have all the info.
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 04:49 |
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I have/had adhd and couldn't stand at the position of attention for more than 30 seconds without moving so bootcamp was loving awful. I legit thought for a long time that I got herpes from a comm staff chick I banged. Turned out to be folliculitis (ingrown hairs) from shaving my pubes with an electric razor. I turned down a lot of pussy cause I figured I'm not a bad guy and I don't wanna give it to anyone else like the tramp that gave it to me. Don't self diagnose. I signed up for 6 instead of 4. I tripped balls on the friday of a 3 day weekend while stationed out in phx. I was drunk and my neighbors were passing it around. That left me paranoid for a while. Theres a lot more I'm sure. Being young was awesome in a really dumb way.
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 06:18 |
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| # ? May 25, 2013 11:07 |
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A Kpro posted:You should tell your therapist about it. If you're not going to be honest with them and tell them poo poo that bothers you they're not going to be able to help you as much as they could. I had a hookup with this guy I work with 18 months ago and one deployment and one night of almost drinking myself to death plus a few trips to mental health later that poo poo still bothers me. I decided today to go back there and scheduled an appointment. I'm not gonna hide anything because they've doubtlessly heard it all before and are more likely to be able to steer me in the right direction if they have all the info. There's nothing wrong with hooking up with people you work with. I tried to hook up with all the females in my unit who aren't married. Almost hooked up with a fat blob of an Air Force IDMT before I got cock blocked and sobered up. Thank god for that.
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| # ? Mar 14, 2013 07:01 |
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