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Level Slide posted:What was Seefood's competition for all of its nominations? With respect to the screenplay, it was up against: 29 February: a romantic comedy/musical about a guy who ages once every 4 years due to him being born on 29 February Untuk 3 Hari: a romantic movie about weddings Songlap (malay link): a movie about brothers caught in a baby smuggling trade Bunohan: (Winner) apparently a not-awful movie about fighting? Was Malaysia's entry to the Academy Awards but not nominated. The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 10:47 on Jul 30, 2013 |
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Jul 30, 2013 05:49
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Tartarus Sauce posted:They just needed someone to come in and streamline the story, because everyone's motives are over the place, and there are too many goddamn subplots. As much flack as producers and executives always get, that (should be) their bread and butter. I can't help but remember The Sweatbox where the producer and studio head (who a lot of people unfairly painted as villains of the piece) basically do exactly what you said: tell the director there's too many plots and the story has no focus. It's clear the producers on Seefood had no real idea what they were doing (according to IMDB this was their first film, though that's only according to IMDB).
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Aug 1, 2013 15:59
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Chapter 10: Return of the Cocks Thanks to the efforts of everybody in the ocean (including, unwittingly, Pup and his enormous psychological hang-ups and idiocy), Julius has finally been sent completely out of the sea in a massive robot suit, alongside the three pilot fish  Octo chimes, “Finally, we’re rid of the lazy slob!” How does that line make even the slightest lick of sense. I thought Octo wants Julius out because he doesn’t want to be eaten, not because Julius was neglecting his duties as GodKingEmperor of the Oceans. Who on earth would write this line and think it’s relevant to the movie why the hell is this movie nominated for best screenplay. Believe me you this is not the last time I’m going to complain about the screenplay this chapter, because with Julius going out to land? This means he’s going to meet the chickens. Man, the loving chickens. Myrtle says something dumb/wise again about oh no Julius may actually be good for the ocean and something worse may take his place, when Spin ominously appears to interrupt their conversation.  “You may be more right than you think,” says Spin. This sounds like Spin finally got wise to why Murray has put him on his long con to get rid of Julius, so naturally you as the audience are going to assume there would be some development on the “Murray is going to make the sea dark through human factory pollution” subplot. But this is Seefood we’re talking about, so you’re not going to see anything about it for about thirty minutes. And don’t worry, neither Octo nor Myrtle is going to acknowledge Spin’s words for that length of time! AWARD-NOMINATED SCREENPLAY!  The chickens gather round to see why there is a flying contraption rushing towards them. And here is the scene I think is most evidential of how bad the chickens are. “It’s a bird!” says Chicken A. “YOU ARE A BIRD YOU IDIOT,” yells Chicken B. I hope you found that slightly funny, because I wrote that (extremely lame joke). Not the Seefood screenwriters. The script lazily makes reference to the Superman lines like this: “It’s a bird!” says Chicken A. “No, it’s a plane,” says Chicken B. “Whatever it is, it’s heading our way!” shrieks the white hen (Heather).  This is the whole problem of the chickens: they are most likely the minor characters with the greatest potential for comedy, and yet are the most viciously unfun characters in the whole movie, because this screenplay needs to avoid as many jokes as possible (since jokes are detrimental to children, I suppose). Almost every scene involving the chicken is botched purely because the script refuses to do even the slightest to prompt the sides of your mouth to curl upwards just that smallest fraction. Did I also mention the fat chicken speaks in a very weird accent that seems in some way racist, but I cannot figure out what race he’s meant to be? Because the script doesn't give the chickens any real character?  Oh, yeah, incoming Julius-in-a-robot-suit mobile.  Heather, whose role other than screaming is to giggle and be stereotypically feminine (SEXISM IS OVER), has the presence of mind to run and prompts the whole coop to scatter.  In the meantime, Pup is still wallowing in his tub/hubris and being completely depressed, because this movie still wants to make him feel bad about his own accomplishments. He hears a sound and looks up. “Julius,” he whispers, before hopping out to the window.  I’m sorry but how did Pup know that bizarre mechanical contraption flying silhouetted against the sky so far away had Julius inside, before he even looked out the window? Do bamboo sharks have psychic powers? If I buy a bamboo shark and put it in my aquarium, would it turn into Jean Grey, and would my guppies then develop other kind of mutant powers, like the inability to breath air through their gills and having a myriad of undiagnosed complexes?  Oh, and one of the egg hatches, which is just so convenient for Pup’s complex to float to the surface and justifying his constant need to claim strangers as his family members.  I’m fairly sure this is going to end in heartbreak and tears, when the baby sharks start using the excuse that Pup is not their father to refuse to continue their education to pursue a sustainable career and instead follow their dreams to be moderators of Internet forums on drugs and other controlled substances. Pup is most likely going to go through his later years alone, surrounded by pictures of his claimed family members (who are either dead, or never calls), living in a cold, drafty house under the sea with a hundred pet shrimps.  Back to Julius, the robot suit crashes into a big pile of chicken feed.  And causes a nuclear explosion, thus devastating the Perhentian Islands and resulting in what used to be a prime location for fisheries and tourism being completely unsustainable and uninhabitable for the next 50 years, thus causing unrecoverable damage to a significant portion of Malaysia's economy.  Oh, Octo’s not a nuclear rocket scientist, just a rocket scientist? Thank goodness.  Julius comes out of the crater and stumbles a lot. Momentarily, Julius forgets his mission and is just struggling to survive, realizing that he is in a land of fools and that he has no possible way out. Sometimes I wonder if this is a horror movie.  He attempts to enter into communications with the cocks to ask about Pup.  The movie tries to be silly about the Pilot Fish not understanding the chicken, except instead of doing a joke, the Pilot Fish just said they don't understand the chickens. I didn't know that monotonously pointing out an inability to develop diplomatic relations between neighbouring states is considered the height of humour, but this screenplay got nominated for an award, so.  Unfortunately, they recognise him as that shark who tried to eat Heather. Therefore:  They decide to kung fu his robot suit.     Non-exhaustive list of other animated movies whose elements are thrown into Seefood potentially due to producer intervention Finding Nemo Shark Tale Metal Gear franchise cutscenes Chicken Run Kung Fu Panda List of animated movies which I wish Seefood rip off instead Akira NEXT: JULIUS GETS CRABS ------------------------------ Plotlines so far: 1. * UPDATE * Some of the shark eggs have hatched in the humans’ shack, and Pup is (most likely) gaining confidence to save them and himself. 2. Julius’s tyre addiction is in fact artificially induced by the whole ocean’s marine life and he is in danger of going insane from tyre overdose. 3. [RESOLVED] Octo was building his rocket (which looks like a robot suit) to fly off to space in order to get away from Julius. The rocket was repurposed to a robot suit, and is now being used by Julius for on-land shenanigans. 4. A dark army at the bottom of the ocean are in favour of more pollution destroying their homes. As advised by Murray, Spin’s long con has been carried out, the first stage being removing Pup from the sea. The next stage is Julius’s departure in search of Pup. Spin may or may not be aware that Murray intends to invade the ocean after Julius leaves. Preemptively before the second stage is implemented, they decide to attack the other parts of the ocean anyway. 5. *UPDATE* The conspiracy of removing Julius from the ecology system has completed. Julius is now on land in a robot suit and is about to be get killed by a bunch of cocks who somehow know ancient Chinese martial arts because this movie has no sense of originality at all. The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 17:46 on Aug 3, 2013 |
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Aug 3, 2013 17:40
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I like to imagine they got their hands on a bootleg copy of the dude who's Chinese food. Except Seafood is a movie that actually exists, unfortunately. Why does it feel like this must have been going on for two hours already and has another hour to go?
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Aug 10, 2013 22:36
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Say what you want about the plot, it sure is a pretty movie. 
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Aug 11, 2013 00:02
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Between Shark Tale and SeeFood, my feelings in the thread can be summed up if one were to combine the  and  avatars to make a depressed shark.The Not-Sopranos and Julius need some kind of maligned predator support group or something, like the Badguy's Anonymous from Wreck-It Ralph. Gathering around and saying "gently caress the rest of the ocean" or something.
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Aug 11, 2013 02:41
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Chapter 10.5: THIS PART I thought I would be way, way less exhausted today and can sit down to write an update, but apparently I’m wrong! I’ll try to come up with something in the weekend. You know all those Pixar TV spots for their movies, those little gag shorts which are so full of charm and whimsy, and immediately gave you an idea of the type of story and mood the movie was going to convey? Well, Seefood has its own too! This plays after Julius gets away from the kung fu chickens, and, just watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsuCBO8LhoE So, thanks, Seefood! After you have shown us how effective a short you can make with regards to the horrors of sharksfin fishing, this is what you come up with? A short completely devoid of charm or wit whatsoever? A short that apes a hundred other children’s cartoons, except instead of making a gag, you fill it with a dark, sickening void sucking up all sense of humour and joy from everywhere else? A short that seems to try to instill memorability by emphasize a girl being “Hey guys, I’m pretty cute!” except she’s anything but? WHY IS THIS SCENE APPROVED WHY IS A MOVIE WITH A SHARK IN A ROBOT SUIT SO ANTI-HUMOUR WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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Aug 14, 2013 14:31
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What the gently caress was the point of that? There was no goddamn build up at all. Just.. WHAT.
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Aug 18, 2013 07:12
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I mean to respond to this more, I just never have anything particularly funny to say. I am very glad it saves me from actually having to watch this thing, though!
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Aug 19, 2013 04:26
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Just responding to prevent this from going into the archive, but, ugh, my workload is still pretty insane and I need to fly outstation this weekend. So I'll try to continue by next week.
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Sep 11, 2013 18:20
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Reading through all of this thread, I have only one question: Why couldn't the existential horrors visited on the two hapless, likeable sharks (Don Lino, Julius) have been visited on Barry and Smithfish instead? Why does Seefood in particular hate its only likeable character so much?
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Sep 14, 2013 05:10
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Sorry for all the delay, I really do hope I get to finish this within the year because my work schedule has gone more and more erratic. Here's a lengthier update to make up for it. Chapter 11: Things Fall Apart / Things Fall Into Place  Right where the film shows us Julius is in deep peril of getting cock-fued, we switch to Pup instead, because there is surely nothing more interesting than watching this kid’s mental hang-ups being showcased as a positive thing. And instead of being guided to a suitable recovery process, he gets to project his mental issues at every single person and he gets rewarded for it.  Basically, Pup’s plot is an allegory to my niece watching Phineas and Ferb and screaming at us to buy her Disney Infinity toys. Well, there's that niggling factor that we usually end the situation by taking away her electronics and making her do extra Chinese calligraphy homework, but my point remains.  Fine, fine. His story is still “I may be small but my courage and talents will bring me to places.” Pup discovers a trolley and tub, and manages to drain the egg containers into the tub for transporting back the babies and eggs. So Pup is pretty much doing fine.  Except Pup just realizing he has to push the tub all the way back to the sea. Not gonna knock him, he’s on to the job and proceeds with shoving his way through all his life’s troubles.  In the meantime, Julius has escaped the chickens through how do I know this movie doesn’t even bother to make any sense as to how things happen. I don’t think we are led to believe Octo build weapons into the robot suit, and I refuse to believe Julius watched Aliens and did a Sigourney Weaver on the chickens. Besides, where would he throw the chickens into? A Machine for Chickens?  Coconut Crab is chilling out with his coconuts.  …yeah, Crab’s just chilling out and his expression is not indicative of any deviant behaviour with the coconuts.   Julius barges into the scene and knocks down a bunch of coconuts from the trees, including Crab.  So let’s talk about Crab. Like I mentioned earlier, he’s pretty inoffensive to the plot, so he’s most likely the least terrible/ill-treated character out of the whole show. It is clearly meant to be the “cute and slightly obsessive character”, like Scrat from the Ice Age franchise, and they have deliberately not given it any dialogue nor, well, any outstanding personalities. He does communicate in a fairly charming way, which will be detailed later in this update. Surprisingly, it actually resembles its real life counterpart, so I’ve got to give the character designers that. Can you believe that Ice Age is a franchise now.  There’s a short scene between Julius, the Pilot Fish and Crab, where they try to find out Pup’s whereabouts. Crab, however, appears to be way more into his coconuts than anything else, then because this film still has the worst pacing, we get into a scene transition after Julius realises the chicken are still out to kill him and runs off.  Going back to Pup, the rear end in a top hat CHILDREN returns to the hut, and Pup hides in a corner unnoticed. They promptly discovers all the eggs are gone.  In this progressive and meaningful scene of Seefood, we are immediately shown the psychological damage parental abuse has on children. Lanky, upon encountering a situation unfavourable to him, immediately becomes abusive towards his brother Pudgy. He verbally berates him and slaps him, unconsciously using the tactics of his own father, and in a sense, turning into his own parent and his own worst enemy. The message that this film ahahahahahahahahah gently caress it I can’t keep up this charade any longer, Lanky punching Pudgy is made for laughs and Pudgy does these sweet little obese “ow” noises. This movie is the worst.  As this COMEDY GOLD is occurring, Pup manages to get out, and…   … hops 5 feet off the ground and motherfuckin’ parkour-somersault tail flip the latch of the door and locks the kids in. Yeah, I guess the ability to breathe out of water also turns him into Tony Jaa. Who knew? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM2atZfn87M Alt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPXtWMnd0Ac  SCENE CHANGE to a decently-done backdrop of paddy fields. Near a fishing village. Beside the sea. Yep.  Julius manages to hide themselves in the muddy fields, and once again for reasons unknown to us, Crab finds his way to Julius.   The pilot fish discover a hatch at the back of the robot suit, and through the magic of a universal language shared between species, Julius is able to diplomatically communicate with Crab on his mission.  Crab, miraculously, is aware of Pup’s location, but demands a bribe.  Of coconuts. If you as the audience for one moment think Seefood has enough nuance to attempt to make a correlation between Julius’s hapless addiction to tyres and Crab’s obsession with coconuts, this movie doesn’t deserve you.  Meanwhile, Pup is pushing his tub of everything he thought he has been living for slowly across the beach.  How far away is the shore from the village and how far away is the village from the paddy fields. I’m legitimately confused by the geography. But you keep truckin’ along, lil’ fella. SCENE CUT AGAIN.  Crab has successfully applied Julius as a tool to increase his lifetime happiness (by making him smash into coconut trees), much to the awe of his family and friends.   I’m assuming the film is asking us to forget that the coconuts Julius has knocked down may not be ripe and, well, not entirely edible, thus dooming a full generation of crabs. ANOTHER SCENE CHANGE. Seriously why is this film so schizophrenic. I hate their editor.  In non-shocking news, Pup is finally close to death and just realized his quest was all for nothing, and he has probably killed not just himself but also a tub full of babies.  Happy infanticide!  Oh what  Holy poo poo Myrtle is helping Pup Myrtle just took my advice and decided not to be a terrible person for once I hope this is a sign this movie would stop being bad! (Hint: No.) Hey let’s go back to Julius.  If Crab could talk, I would assume this is what he has to say: “Thanks, Julius, for once again having your kindness to friends and strangers exploited for their own gain! You may continue on with your foolish quest to commit suicide in a foreign land, and die alone surrounded by traitors and thieves.” To which I also assume Julius would just respond with a quiet “thanks”, the weight of his misery and the futility of his existence hanging onto that solitary, meaningless word. I hope Julius still remembers that a trio of murderous cocks are out to get him, because that may dampen his mission a little. Speaking of which:    “We’ve captured the shark!”  “Hur hur! Now we are going to have chicken feed for years! After, you know, the humans chop off his fin and throw the rest at us.”  “Ha ha, we’ve subject a stranger to torture and painful, violent death for our own temporary benefit! We are not bad people! Seriously, I don’t think we are bad people. Sometimes I help another chicken cross the road. Please tell me I am a good person. I need you to do this. Please.” On another matter: GOOD NEWS! Pup’s subplot has just completed! Pup has finally proven to himself he is capable of great things, despite his size and other mental issues, and successfully saved a bunch of young sharks! Great job, Pup!  “You’ve done well, young one!” says Octo. “Clearly, despite us being terrible friends who refuse to understand you or even encourage you, you have managed to achieve your artificially-constructed goals to have a more meaningful life. Good for you!”  “Thanks, Octo!” Pup says. “I can’t wait to meet Julius and tell him all about this! He'll be so thrilled! Right guys?”  “Guys?” ------------------------------ Plotlines so far: 1. [RESOLVED] Pup has finally gain his confidence and saved all the eggs, and the audience sighs a breathe of relief. 2. Julius’s tyre addiction is in fact artificially induced by the whole ocean’s marine life and he is in danger of going insane from tyre overdose. 3. [RESOLVED] Octo was building his rocket (which looks like a robot suit) to fly off to space in order to get away from Julius. The rocket was repurposed to a robot suit, and is now being used by Julius for on-land shenanigans. 4. A dark army at the bottom of the ocean are in favour of more pollution destroying their homes. As advised by Murray, Spin’s long con has been carried out, the first stage being removing Pup from the sea. The next stage is Julius’s departure in search of Pup. Spin may or may not be aware that Murray intends to invade the ocean after Julius leaves. Preemptively before the second stage is implemented, they decide to attack the other parts of the ocean anyway. 5. *UPDATE* The conspiracy of removing Julius from the ecology system has completed. Julius has been captured by the cocks to use as a bribe to the humans so that the cocks can have chicken feed. This is seriously something said in the show. The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 13:19 on Sep 21, 2013 |
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Sep 21, 2013 13:11
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Chapter 12: This scene has Fatman exclaiming about how he was going to get so famous with Time Magazine interviews for having a shark in a robot suit, which I did not include in the update because it’s so terrible and retarded and I skipped it. “Hey.”  “Hey, Cock.”  “Remember when we were innocent chickens, and the only evil in our life was the human? The Fatman?”  “And we promised ourselves that we would never, ever lift a finger against other person, especially our own? Our own children? Even for the sake of comedy?”  “No, I don’t think it’s correct to say that domestic abuse can be funny but I digress, Cock.”  “So why are we doing this?”  “Inflicting evil against another person? A stranger even?”  “Throw him into the dark, dangerous unknown, that wild abandon of peril? To the open palms of babes…  “…and to the jaws of their unloving caretaker?”  “For this foreigner in a foreign land, to be slaughtered for the sake of superstition and myths?”  “Is this what we have been reduced to?”  “Accessories to murder for our own chicken feed?”  “Are you idiots seriously brofisting with your wings while I’m waxing philosophical. Oh. My. God. I hate you cocks so much. This is my life. This is my life now and I just want to die.” In the meantime, as Pup is still reeling from how his irresponsible and thoughtless actions possibly doomed both his friend and the rest of the oceans, Crab turns up and saves the show a little.  “Yo, jerks.”  "Yeah, I met your friend for like a couple of minutes but I’m acting like a way better friend to him right now than any single one of you. You are all fuckups. Just sayin’. Also he’s there. By the way do you think leafcutting is an economically-viable skill to allow me to start my own small-and-medium enterprise for coconut harvesting? Because I have a shitload of capital now (read: coconuts) and I just can’t wait to jumpstart my career."  "What’s your opinion on that? I may go as a contestant on Shark Tank. I have a lot of confidence about it. Wait till I tell you about the guy who does my portfolio – he’s amazing. Oh yeah, you guys still suck as friends. Just sayin’ again, y’know, in case it hasn’t registered yet. Jerks.” ------------------------------ Plotlines so far: 1. [RESOLVED] Pup has finally gain his confidence and saved all the eggs. 2. Julius’s tyre addiction is in fact artificially induced by the whole ocean’s marine life and he is in danger of going insane from tyre overdose. 3. [RESOLVED] Octo was building his rocket (which looks like a robot suit) to fly off to space in order to get away from Julius. The rocket was repurposed to a robot suit, and is now being used by Julius for on-land shenanigans. 4. A dark army at the bottom of the ocean are in favour of more pollution destroying their homes. As advised by Murray, Spin’s long con has been carried out, the first stage being removing Pup from the sea. The next stage is Julius’s departure in search of Pup. Spin may or may not be aware that Murray intends to invade the ocean after Julius leaves. Preemptively before the second stage is implemented, they decide to attack the other parts of the ocean anyway. 5. *UPDATE* The conspiracy of removing Julius from the ecology system has completed. The cocks just gave Julius up to the humans for chicken feed, because this is clearly a correct thing to do to a shark in a robot suit. Fatman wants to chop off his fin and then sell his story to the newspapers. Pup and co are now alert to Julius’s predicament.
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Sep 30, 2013 15:19
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I'll admit, I'll give the movie credit for one thing, I half expected Fat Antagonist, upon being handed such a miracle of nature, a shark in a robot suit, that the main thing on his mind was going to just be "but how do I get the fins off?" Then again, maybe bottom-rung low expectations isn't much credit at all.
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Sep 30, 2013 17:14
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The Saddest Rhino posted:
Actually, green coconuts are still edible, they just haven't fully matured yet. Their center contains more fluid before they turn brown, ripe and filled with meat at their final stage. Whether coconut crabs are capable of consuming coconut juice is beyond my knowledge.
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Oct 5, 2013 22:14
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Welp I guess i'll only be able to continue next month. I'll try to wrap it up in less than 3-5 updates.
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Oct 28, 2013 06:05
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Did the studio that makes this just get featured in an IBM ad? I think this is US only, and it's one of those brief ads that plays during "X is brought to you by" segments instead of at longer commercial breaks. Pretty sure I saw it during a sports event this weekend. At the end they mention how they are helping "an independent studio in Malaysia" and on the screen is an image that looks an awful lot like the style of this movie. If I can find any more info on it I'll try to link it.
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Oct 29, 2013 22:08
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CHAPTER FINAL: OK I have put this off long enough I better finish it now! OK THE MOVIE IS GOING INTO THE CLIMATIC FINISH NOW and I said I wanted to finish this before 2014 comes, so here goes. As far as we know, here are the outstanding plotlines: 1. Julius has a tyre addiction artificially induced by the rest of the ocean. Julius may die from substance abuse. 2. Murray’s dark army of spider crabs is now attacking the other parts of the ocean because the seas have gone dark. The reason the seas have gone dark is because there is a chemical factory poisoning it with dark chemicals. Murray can survive in the poisonous chemicals because ??? 3. Julius has been tricked into saving Pup and now has been captured by Fatman in his robot shark suit, so he can chop off his fin and sell his story to the newspapers.  In any case, Pup goes out to land with Crab and bumps into the chickens, who try their best in not being funny at all to my greatest annoyance. Do you know who I hate most? These cocks. Pup explains he needs to save his friend, who is in a robot suit, and they of course marvel about how he doesn’t need water to breathe etc. One of the cocks exclaims that they were not going to save someone who was up here to eat them.  “You mean Julius?” Pup responds. “Oh, but I’ve only seen him eat tyres. I mean, I never reallysaw him eat those tyres, but he sure moans a lot about it in this movie so I can infer he only eats tyres and nothing else. Ha ha!” And that is the last time we ever hear about Julius eating tyres. * PLOT UPDATE: 1. Julius’s tyre addiction saves his rear end from the murderous cocks, hence his substance abuse is totally okay and he can continue with tyre eating. * This loving movie.  Heather, scandalized by their crime and consumed with regret, tells the cocks they are all a bunch of cock-ups and that they need to “right wrongs”. So they stage a chicken rebellion which is totally not from Chicken Run at all.  What this just means is that they help Pup point out where Julius is kept and then the cocks do some kung fu poses which I’m hella not going to replicate.  IN THE MEANTIME the spider crabs are attacking the light part of the ocean which is so stupid I don’t want to even really talk about it.  There’s no dialogue , Murray looks menacingly at the camera, and then the supporting cast look concerned.  The only key point to this whole scene is to show Octo discovering there is a factory pouring dark sewage into the ocean (hence the ocean, you know, becoming dark), and for reasons which are absolutely inexplicable to me, immediately knows that the factory is responsible for Murray wanting to attack the oceans. To be fair to him, Murray’s own objectives are suspect at best and moronic at worst, so Octo maaaaaaaybe isn’t that much of an idiot. Or rather the script is just badly written. Back on earth:  Pup arrives at Julius’s location, and it’s high fives all around.    URGH gently caress YOU GUYS.  We are given our first major tension moment, which involves Pup having to crawl under Lanky’s crotch and legs because this is of course a children’s film. Also, good lord is Pup massive. Are bamboo sharks meant to be this huge?  Pup gets into Julius’s robot suit (which must be seriously filthy with four fishes in for so long now), while the others manage to free him.  To the surprise of nobody, Fatman returns home to find out poo poo has gone south.  He gets a harpoon gun and starts shooting at Julius. I thought he was going to save the suit for the presses?  Fortunately, Crab, which is still one of the few redeeming characters of the movie, apparently knows kung fu too because why. Not.  He does a backflip and throws a plate at Fatman in slow motion…  And manages to also set the house on fire. Crab is like the Jackie Chan of this movie. Seriously, after Julius, Crab is the most decent character of the cast and he does not even talk.  Julius in the meantime manages to get out in his robot shark suit, etc.  A QUICK SCENE CHANGE to Octo going back to his old lab.  His old lab, which holds unused unexploded torpedoes and bombs from World War II. So basically Octo is the Japanese war criminal scientist of this movie. This is a children’s film?  RETURNING TO PUP/JULIUS, Fatman is pissed that his sole chance to a better life for both himself and his children is running away in a robot suit awkwardly maneuvered by a fat blue shark. Understandably, he throws a tantrum and wakes his kids up.  So he drives off in pursuit of Julius, leaving his house to burn.  His children drive off too, leaving their house to burn. What on earth is wrong with this movie.  Julius runs through the jungle in nighttime…  And into the daytime where the paddy fields are. Ok, not only is the geography of this movie confusing, it also has issues with temporal matters.  Like, is time even linear in this movie? Does time move the same way when you are underwater and on the surface? Am I watching Timecube: The Children’s Animation?  I’m so confused but woah poo poo the EVIL HUMAN is coming and thank goodness, we are getting into the best segment of the show -  the climatic beach chase scene : (seriously watch this because it is incredible and sometimes good but ends with INSANITY)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xktaKJxIWT8 In case you wanted a summary here’s what happened: (a) Remember how Pup gained his confidence once he manages to save those little eggs and maaaaaaaybe solved his insane mental hangups? Well, he now has the confidence to attack Fatman and save his friend! Except the movie hates him and makes him fail like a complete idiot and then gets taken hostage by Fatman. I really do enjoy how this movie constantly undermines the message its plots are trying to convey. (b) The CHICKEN REBELLION SUBPLOT is resolved by having them… attack the humans and ending there. Yep. (c) The MURRAY WANTS THE WHOLE OCEAN SUBPLOT is resolved when Octo and Myrtle goes blow up the human chemical factory. Because the proper way to solve one’s problems is to destroy the source and kill off a group of innocent people instead of, y’know, negotiating and coming to peaceful means to a solution. Sure. (d) The FATMAN IS AN rear end in a top hat SUBPLOT is resolved by having Fatman get blown up when he drives into the exploding chemical factory which is where the fishing village is. Incidentally, the chemical factory being RIGHT WHERE THE FISHING VILLAGE IS is revealed for the first time here and you have to wonder how these people are not already dead or dying or suffering from abject poverty from that chemical factory being there. Maybe that explains Fatman’s predicament and the social issues arising from it (causing him to hurt the ones he love most, and having suicidal tendencies resulting in him no longer treasuring his dearest possessions i.e. leaving his house to burn). (e) Julius in a robot suit flies across the skies in a kite while a factory explodes in the foreground. This happens in this movie. How could a movie with this scene be terrible. Why why why.  Our heroes’ quest leaves a black smouldering crater in their path of death and destruction.  Congrats for destroying the livelihood of the people of this island, guys!  Congrats for ruining the economy of this island and turning it into a poverty-stricken hellhole, sharks!  You totally deserve having a happy ending!  gently caress you cocks, you don’t deserve that.  Julius gets off the suit, finally recognizing that he does not need to be dependent on material things to prove himself.  Except, you know, that tyre substance abuse but yeah let’s just consider that plot closed shall we.  As it turns out, Fatman survived the explosion! (HOW) Incredibly, the police arrive in time to arrest him.  They also arrest the kids and put them in handcuff, which is totally a thing to do to juvenile delinquents who, for the purpose of this film, haven’t done anything wrong other than riding motorcycles without helmets, being underaged, and most likely not possessing a driving license. Police brutality sure is a way to resolve this plot! Also probably hilarious considering domestic abuse is used as a joke.  * PLOT UPDATE 3. Fatman loses everything he cares for in life, and dies, alone, unloved and unmourned, in a prison cell for crimes committed by a bunch of marine animals, after suffering from years of police abuse and mental degradation. *   “Hey Julius, we are totally friends! Yay!” says the people who earlier in this movie tried to send him to a surface-suffocation death. gently caress these people. I wish Julius would leave them in the end but no, he gleefully exclaims, “oh, friends don’t eat friends!” I sincerely wish this was a threat. Oh, there’s that Murray plot.  Julius goes to growl at them and they retreat. That’s it. Uh.  * PLOT UPDATE 2. SHARK MAGIC IS REAL for some reason and Murray goes home to where he is, sitting in the dark and will forever be plotting against the rest of the ocean until one day he shall emerge victorious once Julius’s tyre addiction does him in.  And then they go home arrrgggghhhhhh what  SOME TIME LATER we are shown the fruits of Pup’s labour. The little kids he saved think he is family now, so I guess that worked out for him!  Myrtle tells them stories. I’m sure they need their existential horror early on in life so they can be hardened in their mature years. Thank you, Myrtle, for being that person who can never stop being terrible.  Julius eats the little bamboo sharks once in a while, so that works out for him too. Nah he’s still addicted to tyres. So what do we learn from this movie?  If anything, this movie proves that allowing a person with huge psychological issues to constantly delude themselves of their own fallacies and causing hardship and heartache to those he is close to and strangers (read: Fatman dying in jail) is always the correct thing to do. Thanks, Seefood! Theefood. WAIT THERE IS A POST-CREDIT SCENE. About the cocks. loving cocks.  The three idiot cocks jump into Julius’s robot shark suit. Note Heather is nowhere to be found. “We’ll explore the final frontier!” they yell, “to boldly go where no chicken has gone before!”  Then they drive the robot shark suit into the ocean, and they die either once the oxygen in the suit depletes or the outside pressure of the ocean cracks the suit open and water rushes in and drowns them. I’m very happy this movie has a happy ending. THE END. 
The Saddest Rhino fucked around with this message at 17:11 on Nov 18, 2013 |
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Nov 18, 2013 17:08
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According to wikipedia, Spider Crabs are relatively friendly crustaceans. Thanks for the writeup of this travesty.
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Nov 18, 2013 17:36
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Thanks for completing this movie for the thread; that finale's a hell of a thing.
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Nov 18, 2013 19:41
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An amazing movie, thanks for the writeup Rhino!
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Nov 18, 2013 20:00
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Just to let you know you can see Fatman jump off his vehicle into the water at 6:39, right after it leaps off the dock.
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Nov 18, 2013 23:05
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That climax is a big bag of what the christ, and your last line made me laugh a lot. Bravo. 
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Nov 19, 2013 01:58
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Holy poo poo you guys. While browsing FiOS on demand because we are "iced in" down here, I found this: 
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Dec 7, 2013 18:35
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paisleyfox posted:Holy poo poo you guys. I don't have a lot of issues with this except it being filed under COMEDY because a movie without jokes sure should be one.
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Dec 8, 2013 09:09
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I'm so grateful I didn't try to do Seefood because it would have taken me yeaaaaars. How'd they pack in so much!? 
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Dec 8, 2013 18:59
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Pick posted:I'm so grateful I didn't try to do Seefood because it would have taken me yeaaaaars. How'd they pack in so much!? Drakyn fucked around with this message at 21:27 on Dec 8, 2013 |
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Dec 8, 2013 21:19
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I'd probably rate Seefood as between Bee Movie and Shark Tale in quality. Shark Tale had a coherent narrative, just a poor one. Seefood is just confusing as hell, though it does look better than Shark Tale. Neither is as horrible-looking or incomprehensible as Bee Movie though, sorry.
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Dec 10, 2013 01:55
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I have mentioned it before when I was highlighting the best, and most disconnected, bit of the film, where Julius nearly got himself killed by sharksfin fishermen. I think Seefood suffered a lot of producer intervention, chief being that of Pup being turned into a main character (probably because they think kids can only identify with adolescents). There's a demo reel I have seen somewhere but can't locate, but it was a very early version of Seefood, with Julius being the main character trying to look for food only to discover he has been duped into entering a... I think it's a sharksfin soup restaurant? The "Julius" and "sharksfin fishing" elements had always been there, but it got shafted into the secondary plot for absolutely no reason. Honestly, if Pup and his mental hangups and the eggs-saving plotline is completely taken out, the movie would actually be better for it. And Murray too, since he doesn't do anything much other than be EVIL and, god the plotline of him wanting the ocean to be darkened by chemicals is just so incredibly stupid I want to know their thought process of doing it that way. Just have Julius' plot solely be him acting like an emperor hungry for more food, and once he discovers there're chicken on land, he threatens Octo to give him a shark robot suit. He goes on to the surface, creates havoc and ultimately gets captured by the sharksfin fishermen, and the rest of the gang embarks on a rescue mission. I mean, there are some kinks here and there to be dealt with but at least it removes 3-5 nonsensical plotlines. I think way too much about this stupid movie about a fat blue shark who eats tyres.
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Dec 10, 2013 15:05
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The Saddest Rhino posted:With respect to the screenplay, it was up against: Wait, so this guy ages just one year for every four (awesome), or he ages four years at once every leap year (terrible).
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Dec 11, 2013 14:21
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Thanks for all of these write ups of terrible animated movies. I love reading stuff like this because it examines why a movie is bad, and brings up ideas on how to make it better.
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Dec 24, 2013 16:52
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Pick posted:Actually, woah, do you know where this belongs? Deadly Premonition. But okay. I'm reading through this thread a year late, and hey now.
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Mar 4, 2014 02:44
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I've never seen Shark Tale even as a kid. I'm guessing it's because I couldn't stand to look at the characters.
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May 2, 2014 09:44
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Tartarus Sauce posted:Seefood clearly had potential. I'm intrigued by the idea of creatures pretending to befriend the apex predator, so that they can distract, drug, and ultimately, eliminate him. Just catching up on this thread and totally agree. You could've made a decent movie about the Shark's ruling style vs the eel, still with a guy or 2 undercutting the shark and maybe he has to confront the eel's wasteful boom/bust system, possibly sacrificing himself to restore balance to the ocean. Or do the whole pup movie with his adopted family versus the human's messed up family.
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Jun 26, 2014 20:09
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I've gotten a lot of entertainment from this thread. I wanted to offer to contribute something. I'd like to do one of these for Foodfight! I'm aware the film has been extensively mocked across the internet, often with screaming and weeping and pleas for brainwashing. We have plenty of reviews with people having conniptions over Foodfight! and we don't need another. What I'd like to attempt is something more clinical. To give some sense of the film's extraordinary, decade-long genesis, and then catalog its sins as thoroughly as I can: aesthetic, narrative, audio, psychological, sexual, philosophical, ethical. Mark Twain once said: “Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.” ...I want to kill Foodfight. ...but I don't want to pollute the thread, so I wanted to see what everyone thought first. I could also start a new thread instead, or go to the original Foodfight! thread if someone could dredge it up from the archives (is that possible here?). And once again, I've really enjoyed everything that's been done here, so hats off either way to Pick and Rhino. If nothing else, I'm glad I was able to keep this thread out of the archives for a bit longer.
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Jul 27, 2014 18:59
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No offense to The Saddest Rhino, but if you do that, make sure you're not just giving us a play-by-play of the movie. I think Pick's review was much stronger because she didn't spend as much time explaining the movie, but spent more time talking about why it failed, what was wrong with it, etc. I don't want to speak against what TSR did, but I found Pick's posts more interesting.
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Jul 27, 2014 20:15
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IUG posted:No offense to The Saddest Rhino, but if you do that, make sure you're not just giving us a play-by-play of the movie. I think Pick's review was much stronger because she didn't spend as much time explaining the movie, but spent more time talking about why it failed, what was wrong with it, etc. Yeah, this is pretty much what I had in mind. Again, I don't want to tread on the toes of the original posters, but if no one objects I'll get started tonight/tomorrow.
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Jul 27, 2014 23:19
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Let's make a few more posts first to get it to the next page, because all of these See World pics are making the thread load like rear end.
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Jul 28, 2014 00:27
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I still get angry about Bee Movie from time to time, it's like a sickness.
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Jul 28, 2014 00:28
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I'm surprised that this thread hasn't been goldmined yet. Maybe it could be, once Foodfight! has been gone over?
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Jul 28, 2014 00:40
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