|
Welcome, friends, to the Bee Movie thread. I know what you're thinking in the brains. Why are you watching Bee Movie? Why are you doing this? You can't be doing it because you enjoy it, because this film does not produce happiness or satisfaction. Watching this is not a good decision. Instead, you should make another decision, one less bad. To that I can only say: no, rear end in a top hat. This film is a testament to something or other.  My honesty must stay above reproach, so I will make two opening statements: 1. I cannot remember this movie whatsoever, though I am pretty sure the entire thing was playing in my vicinity or something? I'm going in semi-cold. 2. You will learn a lot about bees here, or a lot about what bees are not and what they do not do. This is because I am going to sperg about it when it comes up, which is basically all the time. This is what I know about this movie's production, history, and general background: Jerry Seinfeld apparently wrote a lot of these bee puns, according to someone in the animation megathread. This level of ignorance is, for me, unusual, because I am seriously batshit for animation and know far too much about many obscure animated films, including ones I hate. Bee Movie was fairly mainstream, so why did it pass under my radar? The answer is because I felt bad for everyone who was involved in this massive wad of poo poo garbage and thought that it was my responsibility as a kind person to keep at a minimum the number of humans who have seen this film. What made me change my tune? Existential embitterment. Okay, okay. There's more to it than that. Bee Movie is remembered for being bizarre and yet unremarkable, widely-seen and yet unseen, artful and yet ugly. What is this mystery? What happened here that we don't understand? Note: Having now achieved the halfway point of the film, I can assure you that this is the most loving bewildering thing I have ever seen. Chapter 1: barf farts  Backpfeifengesicht, "a face in need of a fist." Look at this loving bee! I've never wanted to punch a bee so loving bad in my life and all he's doing is choosing sweaters. And they're all black and yellow... OR YELLOW AND BLACK, HAHA! That is the first joke in this film. They use honey as hair product and mouthwash, and they eat it. He has parents, apparently? I am not going to go deeply into this, because we all know some basic things about bees, but okay. They're establishing here that bees do not obey the biologically accurate "one queen as hive mother" structure. This is important because I am 100% sure this will be contradicted at some point or otherwise confused. Also, minor but important point, worker bees are all female and all sisters. Their brothers, the drones, do not work and exist only to mate and die. So as everyone knows, it's stupid that the main bee is a worker and male. But you know what? What were you loving expecting? He, like the Bug's Life ants, also has four limbs. That's wrong. He has irises, that's wrong. He has fingers and not claws, that's wrong. He has these really teeth that are just one white band, like Disney princess teeth. That's wrong, too. But you knew this going in. This was on the poster. The movie was not called Accurate Bees. So basic bee poo poo you have to let go. Anyway, he can use his antenna as a radio with his best friend or something. I bet they forget about this later when it would be important. These bees eat doughnuts and, like, fruit or something? His parents' house is motherfucking huge, too, which I don't get. They make a point of how many bees there are, but they all have huge open houses for each family? How big is this hive? Apparently our main character took a "day" to roam the hive (when highschool/college/etc are "three days" apiece, so they're giving them what they think are bee-like lifespans. European honeybees, Apis mellifera, the social bee we're all familiar with, grows to adulthood in 21 days so this is not too far off.) He meets his apparent best friend in a car (even though bees can fly, and he's shown flying in the house?) They're headed onto their college graduation. Oh, instead of "hair gel" it's "fuzz gel". Is that a joke? Bees have hairs. It's okay. You get to call them that. Hairs. On the way there, our main bee whose name I am already forgetting cracks wise about an old friend dying when he stung a squirrel. Oh, also male bees don't have stingers. But again nobody cares so I don't either. I bet it's a plot point, but I'm more taken by the fact that our main bee here is such a flippant poo poo about one of his friends dying ("He was such a hothead"). You should see his eyebrows here. Those are the eyebrows of Stalin as he sets execution quotas for various districts of the USSR. Now that these two have graduated, they need jobs. Bees work for "Honex", because company names end in "X". There's a joke about Spanish language, so apparently these bees truly are speaking English.  The background has an extremely pleasing design and color palette. Nothing else is good here. Pollen "jocks" bring pollen in, unlike in reality where this is done by female bees alone. This does feel misogynistic to me, especially since these pollen "jocks" are so masculinized. More on this later. There's a really weird joke here, where the friend bee says to main character bee, who I will call Blue because I can't remember his real name, that the girl behind him is hot. Blue says, "She's my cousin!" and the friend is all, "She is?" ... To which Blue responds, "Yes! We're all cousins!" This really makes no sense. In a real hive, all workers and drones are sisters (though due to haplodiploidy... ahh gently caress it, they're all siblings, okay?) But these bees are shown to have non-queen parents. So for all the bees in that age class to be cousins, there'd have to be a one-child policy in this hive, China-style. At best your population would halve every year. But yeah, a joke vaguely about incest is more important than the movie making sense so let's go. (This would also mean his parents, his parents' parents, and his-- ahh poo poo you get the problem. Either bee cousins do it all the time, in which case it wouldn't be taboo, or the movie doesn't care and the movie doesn't care so okay.) The graduated bees continue their factory tour. They learn that they can choose the job they take, but they have to work the job forever. In reality, bees take different tasks over the course of their lifespan. Also there are no vacations (something mentioned earlier. But if there's no such thing as a vacation, why remark upon it? Why is it a phenomenon they seem to understand?) Our bee Blue (oh and his friend is Adam) is happy that he only needs to make "one decision in life", but Blue doesn't like the idea, even though bee society is supposedly "perfect". Bee cars are fueled with honey, by the way. We see the pollen jocks again. They're basically Top Gun style "fighter pilot" types. They're apparently the only bees who leave the hive, even though, again in Reality Land, female workers do this once they reach a certain age class. Whatever, these MACHO-rear end MANLY BEES go out to collect pollen like hoorah he-men of beedom. hunf grunt grunt fuckers  At least they remembered to have the pollen jocks collect nectar too. Here's another thing that gets to me. Adam and Blue are watching the pollen jocks take ordered to a grizzled general bee. But if you choose one job and work it forever, does that mean he started as a general? He just got to be a general and now coincidentally he's old? We saw the dean bee earlier. Did he graduate and then--bip!--he's dean? Lady bees are crushing on the pollen jocks, and then Adam and Blue crush on said ladies. "Aren't they our cousins too?" "Distant, distant." Oh so the movie realizes it's violating its own logic constantly. Maybe that's reassuring. Blue is pretending to be a pollen jock to impress the ladies. The pollen jocks notice and come over, and to "mess with him" they pretend that Blue and Adam really are pollen jocks. They ask Blue to go with them on their next round outside the hive. He seems to be considering it. It then cuts and we see him looking out over his family's balcony (how does this fit in with the flat suburban area we saw earlier?) and the scenery really is lovely. His dad comes up to him and tells him the virtues of bee culture. You knew this scene would happen, and you know exactly how it progresses without me explaining it to you. There's always this scene in this kind of movie. (His father is a stirrer, by the way.) There's a vaguely racist joke about things he's saying he could do to disappoint his parents, including "shacking up with a grasshopper, [or] getting a gold tooth and callin' everybody 'dawg'". How would he ever have seen a grasshopper? They don't enter beehives. This is not Bug's Life; there's no species heterogeniety here. Also, is there a bee urban culture? If all bees have the same opportunity to choose the job they'll take, then how could you have this kind of broad social--ahh gently caress it. I guess it just bugs me when jokes don't make sense in their own universe. Hah, bugs! (Bees are not bugs. They are Hymenoptera, not Hemiptera.) Blue and Adam go to the job desk!  It's revealed that jobs open when the bees who were previously in those positions die. Okay, makes sense.  Some available jobs. Adam is all up in this--he really wants to work this stupid joke job from earlier in the film (catching the last drop from the honey bottle)--but Blue seems panicky. Oh god, Blue's name is "Barry." Like Jerry, but with a.... BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB! Blue--I'm still calling his Blue--runs off and goes to fly outside with the pollen jocks, like we knew he would. They're told to watch out because "bees can't fly in the rain." We're also told "Bee Law #1: No talking to humans!" It is a thing apparently they could do, but aren't supposed to. Why? Maybe we shall find out, or maybe the movie doesn't care. This really does add an element of surprise, when everything's so ill-defined that you don't sense directionality from the film. Pick fucked around with this message at 05:40 on Apr 11, 2013 |
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 02:05
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 18, 2024 10:53 |
|
|
Chapter 2: neewww yoorkkkkkk These bees are from Central Park, we discover. He says "fuh-lowwwww-wahs!" in a voice exactly as annoying as you know it is. Bees collect nectar with creepy tongue-guns. Well, they had to do something. If these hosed up creepy bees were sucking out nectar with their faces, this would mentally destroy children and adults. Blue and the pollen jocks fly in formation over Central Park and collect nectar and spread pollen. (Bees eat pollen as well as spread it, by the way. It provides nutrients that nectar alone cannot.) Anyway, the pollen jocks see something yellow--like a flower! They go down to investigate!  Yep, tennis balls! This would kind of make sense if Blue were the one responsible for the mistake, but the pollen jocks? Haven't they seen yellow things that aren't flowers before? Such as a bunch of yellow poo poo we passed in the earlier scene? Hell, haven't they seen tennis balls? This is supposed to be their "turf" and it contains a loving tennis court soooooo, again, gently caress it, okay-- Blue gets stuck to the ball, and then he gets bounced out into the streets of New York City by one of the tennis players, one of whom is voiced by Patrick Warburton, which is the best thing that has happened so far. Then Blue goes through a car engine and somehow survives. And ends up inside the car (wha?), where the passengers immediately flip the gently caress out. He escapes through the sunroof, but this is supposed to show us the dark reality of bee-human tension. Oh, look, now he even says that. Now it starts raining, so he won't be able to fly. He gets hit by a water droplet and lands on a woman's windowsill. Oh, it's the female of the male-and-female tennis pair. Wait one loving second! How did they get home so fast? Like one, maybe two minutes have passed here. Speedy athletes. Like Jedi. Anyway, Blue gets caught inside the room when the window is closed. He mistakes the lightbulb near the ceiling for the sun, even though there's artificial lighting in the hive back home. Still no one cares. He's a paper abstract regarding bee phototaxis: quote:Division of labor in honey bee colonies is influenced by the foraging gene (Amfor), which encodes a cGMP-dependent protein kinase (PKG). Amfor upregulation in the bee brain is associated with the age-related transition from working in the hive to foraging for food outside, and cGMP treatment (which increases PKG activity) causes precocious foraging. We present two lines of evidence in support of the hypothesis that Amfor affects division of labor by modulating phototaxis. We first show that a subset of worker bees involved in the removal of corpses from the hive had forager-like brain levels of Amfor brain expression despite being middle aged; age-matched food-handlers, who do not leave the hive to perform their job, had low levels of Amfor expression. This finding suggests that occupations that involve working outside the hive are associated with high levels of Amfor in brain. Secondly, foragers were much more positively phototactic than hive bees in a laboratory assay, and cGMP treatment caused a precocious onset of positive phototaxis. The cGMP effect was not due to a general increase in behavioral activity; cGMP treatment had no effect on locomotor activity under either constant darkness or a light:dark regime. The cGMP effect also was not due to changes in circadian rhythmicity; cGMP treatment had no effect on age at onset of locomotor circadian rhythmicity or the period of rhythmicity. The effects of Amfor on phototaxis are not related to peripheral processing; electroretinogram analysis revealed no effect of cGMP treatment on photoreceptor activity and no differences between untreated hive bees and foragers. The cAMP/PKA pathway does not appear to be playing a similar role to cGMP/PKG in the honey bee; cAMP treatment did not affect phototaxis and gene expression analysis revealed task-related differences only for the gene encoding the regulatory subunit, but not the catalytic subunit, of PKA. Our findings implicate one neural process associated with honey bee division of labor that can be affected by naturally occurring changes in the expression of AMFOR: In sum, he has no bee reasons to react this way. But it's an idiot movie for shitheads so whatever.  Blue is almost eaten when he falls into some dip. The humans notice in time, so they fling him down and flip out some more. I'm just going to say that as much as people rag on Dreamworks, their animation is usually first-rate. But this movie, like Shark Tale, looks bizarrely amateurish in parts. Those humans look no better in motion than they do in this screenshot. What the hell? Why would this look worse than Shrek? What loving intern was beaten to create this? Anyway, Patrick Warburton (hereon referred to as Patrick regardless of what his character's name is) tries to kill Blue with some "winter boots" that he had out even though it's summer. But! Blue is saved by Patrick's lady tennis friend (?). Patrick exclaims, "You know I'm allergic to bees! He could kill me [something something]", to which she replies, "Well, why is his life less valuable than yours?" I see in this two things: 1. Foreshadowing. Patrick will get stung. Chekov's fatal bee rear end. 2. Um, because he's a bee, lady. Also, he's apparently someone important to you (married? maybe?) so of course his life should come first. Especially since she doesn't know bees can talk and probably thinks of them as BEEEES. Bees who could kill her husband(?)/friend? Luckily, Patrick replies with what I have to agree is totally defensible level of audacity.  She rips up a brochure that her husboyfriend just made for his job application and uses it to slip under the glass so she can put Blue outside. Patrick's upset, and why wouldn't he be? There was literally no advantage to ripping that. It made the paper no more useful, and there was other paper around that Patrick probably wouldn't care about. Frankly I think this was a huge dick move on her part. Romantic music plays as she carries Blue to the window. Don't put bees in your vagina! Pick fucked around with this message at 02:56 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 02:27
|
|
|
Chapter 3: vag bees It opens with mopey bee the next mopey mornin'  This movie does have a gentle, old-fashioned color palette for the backgrounds. "She saved my life! I gotta say something!" (... and... disobey... BEE LAW?!) He zips around her face like a creepy stalker. He frets about talking to her the same way a creepy loser rear end in a top hat guy frets about talking to ANY WOMAN. She is shocked that the bee can talk. She assumes that she's dreaming, and then she doesn't think she is, or does she? This progression isn't really clear. Oh my god, she stabs herself with a loving fork?! To ensure she's awake?! Holy poo poo! Wait, and then she's all... ew, this is really gross and uncomfortable. The point is that this is supposed to be awkward, but this is different than that kind of awkward. But it cuts to them having a nice, generic conversation. Except it's still creepy. But then he's unloading about his life and it seems like an imposition when the idea is for him to thank her. But weeny guys are like this so it's not out of character. Then we find out this woman wants to be a florist, but her parents are pushing her to be a "doctor or a lawyer". So I guess we know her arc now. Blue references a "queen" who was elected through a democratic process?! HEEZ JESUS WHAT THE gently caress? If your character's entire arc is about his conflict with his society can you PLEASE loving DEFINE his society? I mean I get that it's "our" society, but it's also not, they're also loving bees, just make it clear what the hell is going on!! A repairman overhears her talking to the bee, but doesn't see the bee. Oh poo poo, there's romantic music again, this is insanely revolting. Look at this bee's character design. Look at this bee's design! Imagine it making bedroom eyes? Did your DICK just SHRIVEL!? Did it?! Did your snatch go Sahara? Because mine loving did! Blue asks for a piece of the sponge cake. He puts it into pockets in his sweater, though it looks like he's shoving it into his ribs. The old man falls off the ladder, which is apparently hilarious. Then we see a bee test some sort of drag chute, which causes him bodily harm. Double the laugh laugh! Blue returns and it's like he never left. But almost a day has passed. We've established that to these bees, a day is equivalent to a year. So really he's been missing for fart fart fart Apparently bees find spiders attractive "with the eight legs and all", except Blue doesn't agree. What is this representing, really? Fetishization of "exotic" persons and cultures? Is this the equivalent of Blue saying he doesn't like Asian women or something? What am I supposed to get out of this? And if they don't leave the hive, where are they seeing spiders? Oh, apparently there's bee TV. But if only pollen jocks leave the hive, then where are they filming spiders? Are spiders allowed into the hive for filming? How are they paid? Spiders don't eat honey. Are they fed on... THE DEAD? It doesn't matter because the movie doesn't care. Blue admits to Adam that he's in love with Vanessa. "She understands me!" oh my god what a whinging little turd Dear guys, do not be THIS guy. We loving HATE this guy. One conversation and you're sooo in love because only ~we~ understand ~you~ and your ~*~troubled heart~*~ and *---*complicated problems*---*. baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarffff Then Blue shoves his crumb of sponge cake into Adam's mouth to convince him human society is good. Adam goes nuts for it, calls it "stripey". That's like bee talk for "good" even though bees. speak. English. Adam shoves Blue into a random room.  I just want to take a second to point out that the wings are all hosed up. For one thing, bee forewings are bound to their hindwings by a series of velcro-like attachments known as hamuli. So there shouldn't be a gap there. Also, hymenopteran wing venation is super super super motherfucking diagnostic so no you can't just scribble them around like loving Jackson Pollock! How are you going to tell ichneumonids from braconids without the horsehead?! I mean yes fine this is Apis mellifera and so you don't have to resort to the 1/Rs+M but it cheeses me off like nuts. But they have eyebrows and no ocelli so WHAT FINE OKAY. Adam makes the point that "There's US and there's THEM!" Yes so the loving point of the film is going to be that we're all bees. There is also probably slash fanart of these bees. If you find it please post it in the thread. I have become disillusioned with life and need to believe that there are still mysteries and wonders that lie in a world beyond logic or reason. Also it's hilarious. Pick fucked around with this message at 05:47 on Apr 11, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 02:58
|
|
|
Android Bicyclist posted:The only reason I watched Bee Movie or any other Dreamworks animated films is because my cousin was one of their in-house character designers. Dreamworks artbooks are a triumph, even when the movies aren't. That said, the best Dreamworks film still has the best artbook as well (Kung Fu Panda). Interestingly, there is a Bee Movie artbook, but no Shark Tale artbook.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 03:14
|
|
|
Chapter 4: some sort of stupid rear end daydream sequence you know how sometimes you promise yourself that there are words that have so much cultural baggage that they are wrong and should never be used but sometimes there's still that moment where it's the only word you can think of to describe someone and you just want that word so so so bad more than you have ever wanted anything and it makes you feel like a bad person? So then Blue is wearing dumb glasses in some sort of hot-tub as his parents talk to him, in what I'm assuming now is a daydream sequence, since we just ended with a transition from... him being reclined in a chair and some sort of chant and this happened like 20 seconds ago and my brain is already rejecting it.  Eww. And yeah, daydream sequence (after his parents reaming him for being a jobless loser, which actually apparently happened. So I guess this film is also part of the Manchild Defense Programme for the Ruthlessly Entitled). Oh god and they're playing "Sugar, Sugar" by the loving Archies, which is legally a form of assault. She swats and kills a mosquito and they laugh and laugh, even though we've established that other arthropods, such as spiders, are apparently also sentient. Oh god, or what if they're not!? What if bees want to gently caress spiders and spiders are just... spiders?! That's rape! Then Blue imagines Vanessa doing this disgustingly sexualized "You comin'  ?" thing and then getting into an ultralight. "Aaaalllll set!" Ugh, it's horrifically repugnant and vile when Vanessa is portrayed as a normal woman with hopes and dreams and she gets converted into some sort of wish-fulfillment sex object in the mind of some jobless poo poo bee. It's offensive."Don't be too laaaaaoongggg   " (and Sugar, Sugar is still playing). But then the ultralight crashes in his dream and explodes. That part's okay.Now Blue runs off to see Vanessa again. They are asking each other questions. She wants to enter the Tournament of Roses. Humans have TiVo, but bees have Hive-o! But it's a disease, haha! ... I am not a bee expert, so I cannot say that I am aware of all diseases of the European honeybee, but unless corrected, I am going to assert that this is not a thing. Which makes the joke... not a joke, really? It's like referential humor, but to a ... thing that doesn't exist? God, at least Shark Tale referenced, like, things that were ... things. A man on the street exhibits Bee Racism. (He's not aware the bee can talk though, it's generic bee racism.) Vanessa and Blue continue on their way to, uh, apparently a grocery store. Vanessa is of course Very Understanding to his plight. Oh, it must be so hard to be a bee! People are so mean!! Oh my god, he says bees work through anger like any other emotion--"anger, jealousy,  --lust." That is the face he makes when he says that. That is a screenshot of THAT MOMENT. I never thought I would be nostalgic for the beginning of this film. Anyway, a dude in the store hits the bee with a rolled-up magazine. Which is so loving justified that I can't put it into words. Then Vanessa takes the rolled magazine and beats the man in the face with it repeatedly. Blue remarks that he lost a cousin to an "issue of Italian Vogue", which means one of his cousins was a pollen jock, but of course he was because they're all cousins, so why would he feel inclined to mention ah gently caress who cares. Afterwards, Blue gets back up... and as he flies upward... he sees...  Honey is for sale in stores! Blue flips his poo poo when he finds out about this, because it is STEALING!!! Bees make honey!!! But it's in STORES!!! Human STORES!!! It must be STOLEN!!!!!! I don't know how that follows at all. My original home county is famous for grass seed. Check this poo poo out:  When I see bags of grass seed at Home Depot, I don't assume it was loving stolen. I assume it was part of, oh, poo poo, what's it called, hrrmrmrgbohgo... the exchange of goods and services, as in any economy? Now okay, that must be difficult if bees and humans can't talk to one another (BEE LAW). But since we share the same language as bees (ENGLISH! and some Spanish, as we saw earlier), I think it's reasonable to assume that yeah well maybe we do communicate. I mean, do we know BEE LAW for domestic hives, as opposed to naturalized ones? How does he know that other bee societies engage with humans in the same way? Again, why would you assume that because something is produced in one place, if it is found in some other place it's the result of theft? Also, how does he know that only bees make honey? Because I've got a secret for you. Humans can (and do!) make honey too  . My grandma showed me how to use sugar and boiled clover and oh god we're country folk help help y'all help(Technically, there are labeling laws and real honey combined with artificial "honey" is "honey syrup". But you'd be amazed how much "honey" you use isn't pure honey at all. Anyway, that's not important. What's important is that Blue has no reason to assume this did not come from Ray Liotta's disgorged flower juice.) Pick fucked around with this message at 04:22 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 03:44
|
|
|
Chapter 5: and then the dumbest thing yet happens So in order to go "undercover" (and apparently... not look like a bee?) Blue puts stripes on his face and covers the terminal yellow stripe of his bee rear end. Note this for being completely irrelevant. It adds nothing and there was no reason for him to do it. He's trying to find out where the honey comes from. The grocery store worker who hit him with the rolled magazine is stocking the store (with honey of course, since that poo poo flies off the shelves like crack), and is already certain bees can talk for some reason and to him it's not even, like, a thing.  If someone asks you "Do you remember that movie where a bee fights a Mexican?" they are talking about this. I can't even bring myself to talk about this, suffice to say that a bee and a clerk duel with sdufhslrfhsh sduihfhfgihfrhiugruhgrhio gruhghgjiogijogrig anyway the bee wins and the grocery store guy informs him that honey comes from "Honey Farms". sigh And of course the truck is leaving... that second! It's a chaaaase!  You'll notice his rear end is back to black and yellow. On his way through an alley, he gets hit with steam that removes the black ink, thus rendering it still pointless. It added nothing at any point. If someone asks you about the movie where a bee chases down a truck that would also be this film. And it's a good thing he catches that truck, too, because we were long overdue for another racist caricature (2 minutes).  Blue launches himself in front of the truck and hits the windshield, where he meets (among a variety of other insects), a mosquito voiced by Chris Rock. I am not kidding when I say that the movie implies that mosquitoes are the "black people" of the insect world. This character and all he implies is so boldly and shamelessly racist that it is difficult to believe he was included in any storyboard, much less the final cut, of this film. Especially since... do you remember that stupid-rear end daydream earlier with Vanessa acting like a moron? Do you remember where I mentioned she slaps a mosquito and they just laugh and laugh and laugh? Ha ha! Killing black people! Hilarious! I wish I had the script for this film so I could just post this dialogue. Our mosquito friend says, "I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off!" From this point onward, he is referred to as Mooseblood. Which, yes, is implied to be narcotic for mosquitoes. So it's like having your one representative "black" character be a drifter named Crack who is on a quest for crack so he can do some crack. I am naming him Crack now. Also male mosquitoes don't take a blood meal but gently caress it. They also usually have pectinate antennae (not filamentous) but the racism is so distracting I almost missed it! Pick fucked around with this message at 06:02 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 04:22
|
|
|
Android Bicyclist posted:Yeah, I've seen my cousin's art and he's been a huge influence on my life, but when I see the movies he's worked on I sometimes go Ain't no shame in a paycheck. computer parts posted:I remember watching this but not whether I saw it in a theater or at home or what 90% of the plot is about. I too am pretty sure I have seen this, which is weirding me out since I don't remember anything I'm seeing. The Steak Justice posted:Why is it Ray Liotta's honey. This movie has a so far excellent track record of internal logic so I am confident that will happen and is not just loving pointless.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 04:26
|
|
.
|
Chapter 6: chris rock why The dudes in the truck turned on the windshield wipers, resulting in some pointless "action" or whatever. It results in our bee sitting with Crack in the little horn-lookin' thing on the truck. This is only a change of setting, since they're just continuing the conversation from the windshield in exactly the same way. The windshield wiper's activation accomplished nothing from a storytelling point of view, aside from wasting our time. Blue explains to Crack that he is trying to find the source of the honey in stores. He wants justice for bees. Anyway, then this poo poo happens: quote:Crack: Bees hang tight! Take a moment. Process that. Really swish it around in your mouth. Digest it. Savor it. Mosquitoes (black people) don't have a "close community". They're inherently "in trouble". Nobody likes them. Their women want to "trade up". This is supposed to be really, really funny, so I hope you are laughing, guys, because this is super hilarious, guys I am super gratified that between Will Smith in Shark Tale and Chris Rock in Bee Movie and Madagascar (DUN NUH NUH NUH NUH NUH AFRO CIRCUS) that this studio is taking a firm stand on the issue of casual racism and having it all over the loving place.  Crack then sees a bloodmobile and jumps over to it. Maybe we won't see him again; I have no idea because I don't remember. Blue continues on to the honey farm alone. This brings me to a part of the film I had to watch twice (augh why) because it is so brazenly inaccurate. It is like... Hotel for Dogs level bullshit. Just like the ASPCA gets a profoundly negative rap for absolutely no justified reason, beekeepers here are basically prison warden Nazi villains. You really need to (don't) watch this part of the film, because the degree to which it is overdone and overemphasized cannot be overstated. The level of hyperbole is, like, exhausting to watch. We see two beekeepers cackle for no reason. I know a lot of apiologists, and let me assure you that they do not spend their time regaling in how evil they are and how much suffering they can and do impose on the organisms in their lab. That is for acrologists. (HA HA HA HA oh man i am killing it in here that is such a great joke. take that sickass burn, tick and mite specialists!!!) Read this in your best That Kid in Theater Who Thinks He's Great but is Actually Embarrassing Himself (x2) voice: quote:
Ugh, there's so much I could talk about here but I don't know how much I care. It makes sense that they'd think bees were stupid, because individual bees are loving dumb as rocks. Yeah, "bees" as a social unit can count and they can interpolate and honestly they can do a number of amazing feats. Swarms even vote when deciding upon a new hive location. Aw poo poo, I could talk about bee intelligence all day, but I refuse to do it in the context of this movie because I don't want people to associate wonderment and interest with this film, however tangentially. Anyway, bees are still reduced to two weeny-rear end ganglia (the supraesophageal ganglion and subesophageal ganglion). They are definitely pinheads. I have dissected bees. I know what is inside a bee. Sure, it's a million or so neurons. An octopus has 300 million. A cat has a billion. Humans have 85 billion. Yes, we're smarter than bees. As for smokers, they are used to convince bees that the hive is aflame. Bees react by gorging themselves on honey and vacating the hive. When engorged, it is difficult for bees to sting (think of it as "chubby tired"). It is also thought to mask some alarm chemicals released by bees, but which ones, I won't bother to look up right now. Also, what kind of loving moron would put a nicotine-bearing fuel in their smoker? (Implied to be tarred tobacco? What the flipping christ?) The idea is to have unmodified, "natural" smoke, not loving poison, especially since tobacco is pretty expensive compared to, oh what does my friend use... cardboard. Maybe they were confusing this and the application of neonictinoid pesticides, which have been a hot-button issue due to their believed relationship to colony collapse disor--ahh gently caress it read this report by the Xerces Society. It's for casual readers so go do that. It's very accessible and it's information worth knowing. Don't worry, Bee Movie will still be here. In fact, it will exist after you die.  These two dorks go to smoke some bees. The inside of these hives look like tenements or something, stacked like bricks. Stark contrast to the natural hive, where everything is roomy and beautiful and spacious and frankly overindulgent.  That's their representation of this:  Where a natural hive looks like this:  Gosh, it's almost like artificial hives are structured to be similar to natural ones. But nah, natural things are always optimized and humans are Nazis. Anyway. To drive home how unnatural this hive is,  ... the queen is--wait for it--a ... DRAG QUEEN! Of course, real drag queens--AHH gently caress IT Pick fucked around with this message at 06:37 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 05:46
|
|
We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead.
They are pinheads!
|
Chapter 7: so this dumb crap keeps happening Yeah, so it turns out there's industrial farming of bees, nooooo. We see the slats from the smoked bees' hive get pulled out, nooooo oh noooooooooo I feel inclined to point out that honey is not where the money is, bee-wise. Who knows what this is?  Come on, dudes. Somebody knows this, right? It's an almond orchard in California. This is what an almond orchard looks like. Wow, look at all those loving blooms! Yep, and each one has to be pollinated, otherwise they don't fruit. And they're pollinated--of course!--by bees. The United States produces over half of the world's almond harvest, almost all of which is in California. Beekeepers are paid for the use of their bees. Over half the beehives in the United States--yes, the entire motherfucking United States--are shipped by truck to California in February so they can pollinate these trees. This has contributed substantially to the spread of disease and mite infe---gently caress you, the point is that most beekeepers get more money now from renting bees than they do from honey. This is an aside and I forgot why I was even pointing it out so I'm not going to talk about it any more. To recap, beekeepers are Hitlers, so we'll keep moving. Blue snaps photos of the honey-collecting process (rendered inaccurately, natch) with a camera he apparently had, and he says, quote:Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Yeah, 'cause there are shittons of bears in Central Park. Before some shithead mentions the Central Park Zoo, we clearly saw the tree where Blue's hive is located and it's not within zoo perimeters  . I'm onto you.Anyway, he shows this to his family (and Adam is there too). His family accuses him of making poo poo up, and Adam reveals that Blue wants hot human pussy. Blue's family obviously disapproves, but some guy in the background who we have NEVER SEEN and DO NOT KNOW says, quote:I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. But only pollen jocks leave the hive (this guy is not a pollen jock), and we're in New York City. So this joke also makes no sense at all given what we've been told about bees in this world. Also, we're back to the whole uncomfortable interspecies fetishization thing, made especially uncomfortable now that there's an implied racial angle to species. quote:I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than Blue complains they're living on only "two cups a year" of honey. In real life, a single bee makes 1/12th of a teaspoon of honey in its lifetime. So it seems to me like they're insanely rich, and there are without a doubt legions of impoverished bees in their own hive, kept lowly by the heel of the oppressor. (Which fits with the insane level of extravagance we witness re: his parents' home.) So it's just wealthy people complaining about, like, not being even richer? I don't get it. So our dweebass protagonist goes on the bee news:  Yep, that happens. They reveal that Blue wants to... sue humanity for stealing honey. Which is the first thing about this movie I remembered. Man, I don't even know what social issue this is supposed to be aping. I really don't, it's just dumb, it doesn't make any sense, they're trying to present analogues that don't exist and they have no idea what they're talking about and it's taxing to even think about what they thought they were trying to do.  NYAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR [continued] Pick fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Jan 3, 2014 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 06:48
|
|
|
Macaluso posted:This write up is hilarious so far, and you flipping out over the bee facts being wrong is killing me. I've watched a bit ahead of what I've written up--not that far though--and this movie just diverts further and further from anything that ever made any kind of sense  . It's something else entirely. I've never seen a movie like this. I really should have been paying more attention to when it was on TV (which is where I'm starting to think I semi-saw it). Or was I delirious? Am I delirious now?(A legal system that seems kooky and superficial even by Phoenix Wright standards.) The part where Sting shows up defies all... ... all. It defies all. e: Also this film is the most pro-affair movie I have ever seen. Pick fucked around with this message at 07:48 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 07:36
|
|
|
Dr Scoofles posted:Great thread, I've never seen this film and its probably a good thing. As a thought, the bee disease gag earlier might possibly be a reference to varroa, a type of mite infestation that can wipe out whole colonies. Also, bees can leave anytime they want, it's called swarming. There is nothing at all to stop any of those prison camp bees from just leaving and setting up new, wild colonies.  ^Oh, and they do have "mite wrangler" as a major job with multiple shifts, which means that these bees are either the Russian line or the VSH/Minnesota Hygienic. quote:Wait, they have queens now? Does Blue's colony have a queen then? Have we been shown his queen? This film. There's a democratically-elected queen of Blue's hive (it's mentioned she had a campaign), but that goes against literally everything we're told about bee jobs, which was the conflict that drove the beginning of the film but I am pretty sure has already been forgotten. Also, Bee Larry King mentions "former queens" who were going to be on the show. Nothing makes sense and nobody cares. Analogues to humanity are constantly suggested and never justified. scary ghost dog posted:Bee cup measurements are probably substantially smaller than human cup measurements. We see his parents have an enormous honey "hot tub", which suggests wanton honey extravagance. RandallODim posted:Like, Sting from The Police? That Sting? Yep. The entire trial sequence is just an excuse for bizarre cameos. Pick fucked around with this message at 16:26 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 16:23
|
|
|
Skwirl posted:Because you asked for it: Adam and Barry as humanoid lovers (not really NWS, but ehh) Holy poo poo AWESOME. God yes, yes! I love what the existence of this image says about humans and human society! Blood for the blood god!!
|
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 21:19
|
|
|
I'm glad people seem to be enjoying this review, because it's a bit of a niche product. Yet, the more I see of it the stronger my drive is to explain it to other people. It's like... it's important that people know what this is, sort of like how museums highlight their most "what the gently caress?" artifacts of human culture.Vargo posted:And believe it or not, everyone, the Ray Lliota thing DOES have a point. It's a loving bizarre-rear end I'm creating some video clips at the moment because the trial sequences really can't be summarized. Pick fucked around with this message at 21:27 on Mar 17, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 21:23
|
|
|
Chapter 8: a place without thought or feeling Bee Larry King is literally called that. Bee Larry King. No finesse, no subtlety. Bee Larry King. I'll prove it:  This sequence is what everyone hates about Dreamworks, and I say that as someone who gives them an awful lot of slack. You really need to see the video. I have provided this. This for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsqcRaCy6K4 Again, Bee Larry King mentions that he is bringing in some "former queens". Huh? Don't you pick a job and have it for life in this bee world? So how can queens be democratically elected (as mentioned previously) and retire? The latter is important because we are told at the beginning of the film that no bee has had a vacation in millions of years. Is retirement not a form of vacation relative to working until you die, which is presented as bee default? quote:BEE LARRY KING: Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? What, so--aww, I don't have to go over why this is stupid, right? Among other things, Ghandi and Jesus were responding to political pressures that we are told BEES DO NOT HAVE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY HAS BEEN PREFECT FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS so is it perfect or isn't it? And why would they be called "Bee Ghandi" or "Bee Jesus"? Wouldn't bees just call them Ghandi and Jesus, with our Ghandi and Jesus being Human Ghandi and Human Jesus? Also, the European honeybee--the honeybee Americans tend to think of as native--was introduced from abroad in the 1600s. Since then, the feral European honeybee has displaced many native bees, and these introduced bees are not effective pollinators of some of the flowers with which native bees co-evolved. But whatever colonialism is fine because Why did Human Larry King agree to do this? And what does he mean by "bee century"? If a bee cultural year is one day, -- woah woah wait Blue says of human Larry King, "Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish." This movie has no respect for anything, even the one thing it seems like it's hypothetically trying to suggest it is sympathetic towards. I couldn't make a movie with such a profound lack of coherent values or themes, not even if I tried. We then cut to Vanessa's house. Patrick is there with some frozen yoghurt to share with her. We then hear Blue's voice from the back room, which surprises a rightfully suspicious Patrick. Naturally, Patrick asks Vanessa what Blue is doing there, to which Vanessa responds that she is going to help Blue sue the human race. This is Patrick's face:  "Whaa?" I have never identified with a character so much. Blue enters the room and is a smarmy dickhead to Patrick. Vanessa then diffuses the tension by... sending Patrick away with the frozen yoghurt he brought for their "frozen yoghurt night". "Awwwww, bye-bye," she says in an obnoxiously saccharine manner. ... I try not to dislike female characters as a rule, but this lady is so unsympathetic and dismissive of Patrick that it makes my gut feel cold. Her behavior comes across as aloof and dishonest. Going in, I thought I'd feel bad for this Vanessa character. I don't. She and Blue might just deserve each other and, not coincidentally, immediate annihilation. The second she enters the back room (where Blue and Adam now are) she says, "Aww, you poor thing  ". Like we are supposed to ignore that she is mackin' on this bee when she is still dating another guy--a guy she just threw out on the street for showing a completely justified level of suspicion towards Blue. Blue, who is, let me make this 100% clear, obviously interested in having sex with Vanessa. BEE SEX WITH A HUMAN VAGINA. RIGHT IN THERE. He proceeds to hit on her like crazy with faces like this on his dumb loving face.  And this?? Anyway, they finish their "lawsuit", which fits into one little envelope, despite being THE BEES OF THE WORLD VERSUS ALL OF HUMANKIND. I am going to take a moment to be super pedantic and point out that most bee species are not social. "Bee" encompasses far more than hive-building honeybees. For example, cuckoo bees (like the cuckoo bird) are kleptoparasites--that is, they lay their eggs in the nests of other species, who then unwittingly raise the cuckoo bee offspring. How does our "perfect" "bee" global network accommodate that?  we shall mail it... to the law! TO COURT! ... Of the United States, natch, because of course the US justice system, as we all know, presides over the Earth. Edit: This actually says "superior court", I just couldn't read it at this tiny size! [Next chapter coming ---] Pick fucked around with this message at 01:24 on Mar 18, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 21:57
|
|
|
Chapter 9: bees in court I feel inclined to mention that Vanessa warns Blue that there could be repercussions. He doesn't give a poo poo. They drop the biggest lawsuit in human history in the mailbox. I wonder if that's how Massachusetts v. EPA was submitted. I bet that one took like three stamps though. It was a big case. Vanessa knows how to do this though because she's a florist and also Blue is a bee.  We cut to the courtroom where Vanessa expresses her nervousness. Blue asks Adam if the opposition can afford "good lawyers". This is supposed to get a laugh, but judging from--well, you'll see. I chose that screenshot because it has the first thing from this film I have even slightly appreciated in a long, long, long time, so long I actually had to pause the movie in shock when I realized I had felt a positive emotion. I like the lawyer's evil car design. Somehow it is subtle, but effective. We see it for like two seconds. Other bees are there in support of Blue, including the aforementioned Adam. Apparently no bee at all gives even the slightest poo poo about the #1 BEE LAW EVER (of BEE LAW) which was "No talking to humans!" This defining plot point has been completely forgotten and disregarded. The skeezy lawyer exits his awesome car and steps on a bug. Blue then gets a chill, and then says he got a chill even though we just saw it happen. Thanks for assuming that we cannot interpret things we see, movie!  The lawyer, voiced by John Goodman who should know better, reminds me a bit of the ballsack judge from Pink Floyd's "The Wall". Anyway, he's doing the Southern gentleman voice, because of course he is. In a movie this bad, it's hard to care about how lazy this caricature is, but it's super loving lazy. He taunts Blue with a package of honey so we know he's evil. As it turns out, Blue is actually suing "the honey industry", sort of like I once sued all tomato growers. (It's actually called "Barry. B. Benson vs. The Honey Industry", so even though he's suing on behalf of the bees, only his name is attached to it.) The judge says to the lawyer, "You're representing the five food companies collectively?" Yeah, apparently. Because all food is channeled through one of five companies on this planet, which at this point I'm ready to acknowledge as taking place in the world of Phoenix Wright. At this point, the judge asks Blue if he's representing "the bees of the world", and he goes... "Bzz! Bzz bz bzzz bzz bzzzz!" There are gasps! Gasps, of course, because at the beginning of this segment, we are told that people worldwide are waiting with bated breath to find out, "once and for all (?)", if bees can talk! Because apparently this was not checked or verified before now, including during the last five minutes when Blue has been sitting at the desk, you know, talking? ... "I'm kidding. Yes, your honor, we're ready to proceed." I too crack wise with judges because let's face it, they've had a long day, so they love the interjection of a little humor. Oh, by the way, everyone just nods mildly when they see that Blue, a bee, can in fact speak. Let's roll! The judge asks for opening statements, something you really have to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQks_Mvb4NA You know how Blue asks if multimillion dollar corporations can hire good lawyers? Well, no, apparently. No they can't. Among other things, the lawyer says that in such a "topsy-turvy world", "I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches!" I'll let you sit there and think about whether silk is famed for its elastic properties.  Whatever, Blue is a lovely lawyer too so maybe this is just setting them on equal footing. Seriously, neither of these lines of argument has anything to do with what is happening or the legality of the issue in dispute or even really what the case means to accomplish. What follows is the most incomprehensible series of testimonies I have ever witnessed. It's time for you to see it too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAsfCbTFMc what on earth First, we see him go after one of the company owners. Did you know Honey Farms owns... HONEYBURTON? And HUNRON? ... and who cares? What would that have to do with anything? Apparently these companies provide beekeepers. Beekeepers! quote:
What in loving christ is he talking about and what is the point he's making? SOMEONE WROTE THIS. There must be a reason these words are in this sequence! WHY? Also we get to chain up bears because obviously those are just dumb animals. This isn't movie logic, but it is Bee Movie logic. Also, that's Vince from Over the Hedge. That's why his style doesn't fit with this film at all. And yet that makes far, far more sense than the part featuring Sting. Blue accuses Sting of cultural appropriation, despite the fact that "sting" is not exclusive to bees, and is in fact a common word with a variety of uses. The only upside to this is that Sting's expressions seem to be completely genuine. That said, I am not sure why he looks like he is cast of freaky Ken-doll plastic.  It feels like I should have a lot to say about this, but how? What's there to say? It's basically free word association at this point. And yet it gets dumber Pick fucked around with this message at 02:49 on Mar 18, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 17, 2013 22:28
|
|
Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you?
No.
|
burf posted:That says superior court. I don't know anything about how courts work in US, but generally where I'm from civil matters go from superior court -> court of appeal -> supreme court. Soooo they're probably not doing anything wrong there. Oh man, you're right! In the interests of not having to resize my images, I'm actually watching the movie at that size and just using "Print Screen" to crop from there. But my vision, she is not so good .I shall edit that!
|
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 01:10
|
|
|
bagshotrow posted:It's pretty amazing to me that of all the potentially interesting Bee Facts that could have filled a two hour movie, they basically just made the honey joke over and over again and threw in some miscellaneous bug jokes left over from Antz. It's almost as if they are only familiar with bees from cartoons and didn't know they were a real thing. Which amazes me, because I don't remember Antz being this bad. And yet ants and bees are both social Hymenopterans. If Antz were recolored so that all the ants were bees, it would represent bees with more scientific accuracy than Bee Movie. quote:Imagine Finding Nemo with this level of research. All the fish in the ocean snackin on canned fish food while the clownfish tells jokes (because he's a clownfish get it? we find this unironically funny) I am indeed tempted to review Shark Tale.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 01:32
|
|
|
make sure you see the updates to chapter 8 okay cool Chapter 9: peak Wright Then this happens. This might just get its own chapter so you can really focus on it. Breathe it. Taste it. touch it, touch it with your mouth the flavors of the film the flow the high the sky high high high https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX_tGNmGEUg  A major studio put this into a film, guys. A team of hundreds worked in tandem and this came out. It looks terrible. His character design is revolting and his facial muscles clearly don't move naturally. It makes no sense for him to be here. The reference is obscure and impenetrable. This is not Dreamworks at its worst--this is film at its worst. Maybe a Lynch film could pull it off, but I think that's reaching. Actually, woah, do you know where this belongs? Deadly Premonition. But okay. Once Liotta finishes his anti- This was how the legal system was portrayed in Bee Movie. ... Oh wait, upon watching a little further, the trial is not over, there's just another intermediate scene. This movie is so bad that I don't even know when major plot points are occurring. Pick fucked around with this message at 03:16 on Mar 18, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 02:40
|
|
|
MinibarMatchman posted:Thank you for this thread, which saves Bee Movie from its current status as a loving stupid Tumblr meme circulating right now. If this movie ever gets remade--because that is actually a thing that could happen in today's world--I hope Patrick Warburton is still alive and the movie can be re-told from his perspective.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 02:59
|
|
|
CharlieFoxtrot posted:The Ray Liotta video has been blocked. I think you're well within your rights to claim fair use considering that you are clearly providing a public service. I am genuinely offended that they are protecting this intellectual content.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 03:11
|
|
|
Macaluso posted:Flip/tilt the video, that always seems to work I'm trying to figure out how  . Until then, I re-uploaded it, so they might not catch it for a few minutes.Magic Hate Ball posted:To be vaguely fair that's not too far off the mark: There's still a ton of small-scale honey collection and re-sale. It's unfair to cast any agricul---oh my god, no, stop! It's Spring Break! Don't make me do this! 
Pick fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Mar 18, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 03:12
|
|
|
Macaluso posted:Wait what? The waterpark model literally just becomes a birdhouse, the waterpark doesn't get built. There might have been a different version. God knows ENG got its share of frenetic revisions.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 03:36
|
|
|
Rahonavis posted:I for one would love a whole "Pick Watches Justly Forgotten Animated Films So You Don't Have To" series. "Bee Movie" so far comes across as just as batshit insane as "Foodfight", except it supposedly had some effort put into it? I won't lie, Shark Tale might be a bit of a disappointment, because though indescribably awful, it makes more sense and holds together better than Bee Movie. (Imagine, if you can, an even stupider Dragonheart.) I never thought I would compliment Shark Tale in any way, but there you are. I mean, in Bee Movie, you have bee hives billed as Jewish prison camps, but the world goes to poo poo when they stop. What the gently caress? Interestingly, in both Bee Movie (so far) and Shark Tale, the main villain (Patrick? I think? and then Shark Mafia Boss) are unambiguously the most sympathetic characters. Although Patrick is kind of a douche and Shark Mafia Boss is a loving father and all-around good guy . It's like someone forgot that the villain has to do villainous things, especially if the protagonists spend most of the film doing villainous things.Magic Hate Ball posted:No no, watch Little Bee! jesus Pick fucked around with this message at 06:21 on Mar 18, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 18, 2013 06:08
|
|
|
Troposphere posted:
Thank you so much  .
|
|
#
¿
Mar 19, 2013 02:41
|
|
|
Chapter 10: this bee's loving face, jesus One of the reasons I've slightly put off this chapter is it's a difficult chapter for me to watch or think about, since it's so loving offensive on so many levels.  Patrick comes home to see Vanessa totally having an affair with this loving bee. Now I know that different people have different standards for "cheating". I mean, her lips aren't around his penis, but this is about 92% of the way there. They're sharing dinner alone together at Vanessa/Patrick's place without Patrick, and without even letting Patrick know, while they make the creepiest loving goo-goo eyes at one another (while Blue is sitting in Barbie furniture that Vanessa has for some reason). There are red roses on the table, naturally. Vanessa, of course, made dinner for Blue and they're celebrating and by the way, that's why I thought the case was over last time, when it actually wasn't. The resolution is dumber than Ray Liotta hating Jews. But I digress! quote:
Maybe she doesn't see it as weird. Maybe she doesn't know how this looks. Oh, or maybe she does, since she made this face when she saw Patrick was there:  Vanessa leaves the room to go heat up some leftovers (what a wonderful wife/girlfriend!), thus leaving Patrick and Blue alone in the room. Where Blue makes i am not kidding this loving face  LOOK AT IT!!!  Patrick makes this one. As noted, I'm really, reaaaally siding with Patrick at this point.  Blue then proceeds to taunt Patrick for being unemployed despite the fact that Blue is also unemployed and in fact it is a defining trait of his character. He makes fun of Patrick's resume, despite the fact that at least Patrick is sending out resumes instead of comfortably acting like a freeloading shitbird. The lack of sympathy, grace, or even decency on Blue's part is shocking, but reminiscent of the opening when he didn't give a flying gently caress about one of his friends loving dying. Blue is the most disgusting protagonist I've ever seen, and I MOTHERFUCKING WATCHED SHARK TALE. Blue is also sitting in Patrick's normal spot, because of course he is, this motherfucking bee. Vanessa then calls out from the other room that she let Blue borrow Patrick's razor (meaning Patrick is sufficiently moved-in that his grooming supplies are there). By the way, Patrick and Vanessa's relationship has never been made completely clear. I don't think Vanessa has a ring, but considering the quality of this movie's graphics, that means absolutely nothing. Character design is poo poo, animation is poo poo, it's shits all the way down. Anyway, Patrick is hurt.  Note roses. Patrick then bumps his head on the table and is visibly injured. Poor Patrick .Blue then says he needs to "empty his stinger", which I assume we're supposed to think means urinating, but also sounds like jacking off. At least I think so. Also, these bee stingers still point backwards, so you need to imagine Blue peeing out of his rear end. You're welcome! Patrick then decides to do what any of us would have done a long time ago: kill Blue. He follows Blue into the bathroom and tries to smash him with a rolled-up magazine, and when that doesn't work, with a lighter+hairspray combo.  He manages to toss Blue into the toilet, where he and this entire film belong.  He flushes. Unfortunately, like the bad ideas that led to the conception and loving christ implementation of this film, Blue escapes. But surfing, in a toilet, on a nail file. gently caress everything. Vanessa comes in and accuses Patrick immediately, even though she has no idea what just happened. quote:
Patrick Warburton, let me reiterate, is the only good thing in this entire film (aside from the lawyer's car design) and even he can't make me laugh because the movie treats him so horribly. But at least now he's free of Vanessa, who may be one of the worst female protagonists in the history of film, in part because of things that come later. Stay tuned! 
Pick fucked around with this message at 02:38 on Mar 20, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 02:08
|
|
Well, hello. 
Ken!
Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life?
|
Carthag posted:Fantastic thread. I'd never seen the movie, and now I don't need to! I am not joking when I say the eyes track really poorly the entire film, and I've taken care to try to show screencaps where they're not hosed up.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 02:17
|
|
|
CharlieFoxtrot posted:Wait, so this just hit me: Blue finds out that millions of his brethren have been basically, um.... penned up in camps, enslaved, and literally gassed... and his response is to sue for stolen property? You know how bees are.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 02:30
|
|
|
Make sure you saw the previous update! Okay. Chapter 11: talkin' 'bout bee-fuckin' So now we're in court again, after Vanessa makes sure poor Blue's feeling weren't hurt. Baaaarf. This movie was written by a man, and a man who doesn't view women as people. gently caress this film and everyone involved in it except Patrick Warburton and John Goodman. At least they threw their hearts into it. Speaking of!  John Goodman must now recite some of the most awkward and uncomfortable dialogue in the history of mankind. I feel bad quoting so much of this film verbatim, but just read this. You'd think I was making poo poo up. quote:
 Then the movie shits on other parts of itself. You know how I said at the very beginning of the review that I was sure that this movie would contract itself re: bee society? Well, it has done so about every ten minutes, so yay I am great and everyone else sucks! Oh, right. Proof. Okay! quote:
Yeah, so now the democratically elected queens (with term limits, because there are former queens) are somehow the parents of everyone in the hive, who are all cousins, some more distant than others. Can anyone explain to me how this is remotely possible? At all? Are they all just voting for their mother? If so, who was queen before? Who comes after? What the gently caress is going on? NO ONE CARES they just wrote whatever thing could go after the previous thing quote:
NO GOD DAMMIT you just said they're all siblings ahhhh!!! you just said that!!!! don't you know the definition of words?!!?!? And what are incest jokes doing in a movie for little kids?! ... creating a world and populating it mattered to no one, no one cared about or respected the audience, no one cared that this movie was shoddy at every level This line of inquiry upsets Adam, though, who'd been sitting with Vanessa. Oh, the rage! The fury! He stings the lawyer right on the rear end.  "What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks?" he proclaims, unaware of what an "angel of mercy" is, unless he's suggesting that someone suck his rear end until he dies, like suddenly we're in a Harry Potter fanfic. ... Which was actually the lawyer's plan: to show people what they hate about bees (namely, that bees are violent idiots without regard for others, which frankly I thought Blue was already doing, but whatever). It does seem to work: everyone is horrified. Adam has also gone pale. Remember, when bees, including male bees who shouldn't have stingers, sting someone... they die. Except Adam won't die because in a movie this masturbatory, the main character makes no actual sacrifices and will learn nothing. (I haven't seen to the end of the film, but come on. Who will bet against me here.) Anyway, we then cut to the hospital, where Adam is hooked up to a line of honey, because as well as being hair gel, it is also blood. I don't give a poo poo. It doesn't make the idiocy radar at this point.  This scene isn't particularly gay, which is a shame because Philadelphia with Bees would be a better movie than this. Oh, yep. Adam will be fine.  They weren't even going to wait so there'd be tension. Ahhh gently caress tension, let's get back to having nothing matter for more than the 10 seconds in which time it is actively taking place. Pick fucked around with this message at 05:57 on Apr 11, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 02:45
|
|
Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know:
We're friends.
|
Steve Yun posted:Seinfeld unsurprisingly sympathises with the bee in this story because in real life he convinced a married woman to leave her husband for him. What's weirder is that it's rationalized so poorly. This movie makes colony collapse disorder look awesome.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 04:29
|
|
|
Chapter 12: the return of the thing any beekeeper will tell you is hella wtf So anyway, in the hospital, Adam is languishing. Languish, languish.  Ugh shut up with your pain. He asks Blue to close the window because the smoke from outside is bothering him. That's people smoking, by the way. Tobacco, that is. Yes, it's the return of the nicotine and tar in beekeeping smoke. Please, please, please heed me when I tell you that this is an idea so baseless, stupid, and divorced from reality that it's a wonder Jenny McCarthy hasn't jumped on it already. Beekeepers do not use tobacco because that is goddamn crazy. This is, according to Blue, our... SMOKING GUN! We arrive at the next day in court. Adam is already there and he's loving fine, so the entire sacrifice angle or whatever was indeed meaningless, contributed nothing, and had no weight at all for our narrative. However, it does mean the lawyer rides around in a baby thing now. I mean, some giant baby thing now.... Odd, since no baby would be that big, and no adult would want--  yeah gently caress it Blue and Vanessa burst in--because of course they're late, for fake tension, because real tension is hard and requires artistry or something--and show the judge... the smoker! Yes, the same one beekeepers were using earlier in the film. So I guess we have some continuity after all. But, yeah, not much.  They at least had the decency to base the exterior design on a real bee smoker. It's too bad that only the art department was pulling their weight around here. The judge's expression mirrors mine pretty well. There's pain there... a sort of... dejection. What is this. Is this my life? Is this what I've been working towards my entire life? The lawyer grabs the smoker and accidentally Then Blue claims these smokers have made bees "addicted to smoking"? So what is it that--screw it here, treat yourself to the worst quote in movie history like really, brace yourself motherfucker quote:Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? literal words from this actually existing real film ... ... followed by these other real words, quote:They're playing the species card!! Everyone involved in the writing of this film deserves an eternity in the fires of the inferno of Hell.  The bees are then declared victors with no closing argument or input from the jury, which apparently was decorative. The court, of course, found "in favor of the bees", but we are still not told what Blue was suing for, so I don't know what's going to change yet. Films are really exciting when you don't know what's going on or why you should feel invested in it. It's like a journey through smog in some sort of labyrinthine hellscape, just like most good kid's flicks. Vanessa and Blue share what was an ill-fated high-five. Everyone claps and cheers and whatever. But we still get a final statement from the lawyer, one which of course turns out to be rather prophetic. Whether this is the time and place and appropriate message, well. We'll get to that.  "This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature." just like this loving film Pick fucked around with this message at 06:44 on Mar 20, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 04:49
|
|
|
Swedgin posted:Bee Movie fanfiction exists, and it's almost as glorious as this thread. One story is by "beemoviefan24601", which seems like a mathematical impossibility.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 05:24
|
|
|
Steve Yun posted:Last chapter misnumbered! quote:Other than that, this has been a wonderful read Pick fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Mar 20, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 06:32
|
|
|
Dr Scoofles posted:So one of the plaintiffs essentially stabs the defendant's lawyer, during trial and in front of a judge, and still wins. Kids movie stuff right here. Never mind films about talking race cars or zoo animals that go on mad adventures, violent bee litigation is what kids want. Also cameos by Larry King.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2013 15:28
|
|
|
Steve Yun posted:They were married for one month before she asked her husband for a divorce. Jerry had been courting her for several months prior to that. What's odd though is, again, it doesn't feel like a justification at all. I cannot conceive of a single human being who would see Blue's behavior as acceptable. Except Jerry Seinfeld, apparently, but didn't this thing at least have editors?!
|
|
#
¿
Mar 21, 2013 16:28
|
|
|
Rahonavis posted:Between this thread, the recently released "Turbo" trailer, and my disappointment with "Rise of the Guardians", something hit me recently about Dreamworks animation. That is unfairly disparaging to the artists who work on these films, especially contemporary Dreamworks films which--for whatever faults they may or may not suffer in terms of writing--are all artistic masterworks, like the aforementioned Rise of the Guardians and, I expect, the upcoming Croods. One of the reasons I was hesitant to do a Bee Movie review is I expected the usual Dreamworks bandwagoning, but the truth is there are a lot of people working there who are doing an excellent job and clearly pouring their hearts into it. Nico Marlet, for example, worked on Bee Movie. I find his designs, especially those for the Kung Fu Panda franchise, but also How to Train Your Dragon, far more appealing than anything in Pixar's roster.  I don't want this thread to turn into another Dreamworks/Pixar fight, suffice to say that I do think this is Dreamworks at nadir. But I blame a huge amount of that on Jerry Seinfeld, because he was lead writer and the producer of the film. If they had trusted the artists--those who made the rightfully gorgeous hive backdrops and that sleek-rear end lawyer car--you've have gotten a better film. And in fact, that kind of happened, because the next movie Dreamworks released was Kung Fu Panda the following year. I see Bee Movie as what results from thinking that a famous person can just jump into a specialized artform and excel. I am annoyed, like many people, that animation is seen as inherently different than normal film, but in some ways it is inherently different and requires a skill set far in advance of what the higher-ups at the company admitted.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2013 00:15
|
|
|
Fight Club Sandwich posted:Thanks for this, Pick. Bee Movie has made me realize that Shark Tale isn't nearly as incompetent as I had originally thought. Like, don't get me wrong, it's loving awful, but it's you can watch it without feeling genuine concern for children who were exposed to it. Kart Barfunkel posted:I saw this movie in the theater after we discovered that there was a misprint in the day's newspaper, and the Darjeeling Limited would not be screening that evening. At the time we figured that the best option would be to not waste the gas and see Bee Movie instead. Thinking back, that story is about the only thing I remember from it. Also, you're in for a hailstorm of stupid ideas if you decide to stick around for the ending. You haven't seen any scientific inaccuracies yet. The movie was indeed extremely clever in making the ending of the film so loving bad even compared to the rest of the movie that you forgot how loving atrocious everything that came before it was. It's an interesting, and surely unintentional, work of genius. This movie experiences Brothers Grimm levels of tanking near the end, and yet it started out even worse than Brothers Grimm holy christ on a cracker. Pick fucked around with this message at 00:23 on Mar 22, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2013 00:21
|
|
|
Magic Hate Ball posted:Shark Tale is just kind of silly and mediocre, Bee Movie is the kind of film that's so bad it actively confuses kids by challenging their notions of "fun". Additionally, there are things about Shark Tale that I liked. Even things about the characterization. I may also have laughed at some point, though I don't remember offhand. I have literally not laughed a single time during Bee Movie and the only things I can think to praise are the hive color palette, the lawyer's car, and the wood grain texture on the handle of the smoker. *Oh, and Warburton and Goodman's best damned effort in the face of adversity. Really though, I see it as evidence for my belief that even a passable animated film should be seen as a bit of a triumph. This is proof of what happens when people who know nothing about animated films decide "Oh hey, I can totally do that!" and go mucking around and truly make a film so bad that it might finally upstage my previous most-hated film, I am Sam, which remember was Tropic Thunder's evidence for why you never go full retard. Pick fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Mar 22, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2013 00:27
|
|
|
LaughMyselfTo posted:Are we going to get to the Godawful ending of this movie, or did the movie get too bad to continue? We are, and it's happening, I just needed a break because this movie literally harms me, it harms my own body. --- Chapter 13: the devil lives inside each of us. he makes himself known to us. he breathes through our nostrils and seals our air inside okay so when we left this smoldering pile of poo poo, the bees won (??) everything (??), whatever that was, apparently the honey made by their enslaved brethren  Oh, and also the bees get freed. For some reason all these shots of the bee "work camps" (they use this phrase again) look like Arlington National Cemetery. If this was intentional, I hope somebody dies. You will of course recognize this bee liberator for his Aqua Teen Funger Horse hat. To keep things current, we compare bears to Saddam Hussein  Because all animals are apparently sentient in these movies, demonizing bears--screeeeew it I have dumber fish to fry They then wait for it wait for it shoot  WAIT FOR IT  Yeah, so that's a thing that happens. There's a very rushed line about it being a tranquilizer dart. I think Pooh's tongue kind of looks like a priapulid worm emerging from a dark undersea hole. Anyway. Sting is then levitating (!) and is arrested (!!) for having a bee-related name. Why did he sign off on this? Also they beat the poo poo out of this lady:  Too bad I don't know how to keep sound effects in .gifs because it's a hell of a whomp. "Can't... breatheee!" she actually wheezes. Wow, great job Blue, you are a super great awesome protagonist. So they collect allll the honey--in the motherfucking WERLD!!!--into a big container or some dumb poo poo, ugh, I could do a back-of-the-envelope calculation but I don't give a poo poo. Even if we assumed this was only the honey from the USA (the world's 4th top producer), I'm pretty sure 150 million pounds is more than a bigass water-cooler worth, but gently caress you and gently caress everybody. gently caress you. gently caress you thomas. yeah gently caress you in the face you dumbshit Anyway, since there's so much surplus honey now, they shut down all honey production. No one is working at all. (Despite the fact that you'd think they'd still have jobs like hive-building or mite-wrangling or any of the other jobs listed earlier that don't feed directly into honey-making.) Nah but gently caress it. Also we've never seen the queen through all this. Apparently she makes no decisions. Women generally aren't important in this world except to steal. yeah ok  Blue realizes this when he goes to talk to Adam. Adam defends the prior honey-making paradigm, since humans loved it so much and it was so great. So is he defending concentration camps because they make the world's best soap? I don't loving know. Adam wanted to do his job really well... for Nazis. Or maybe not for Nazis. His hive wasn't giving it up, far as this movie suggests. Hey, why is Blue's hive the one getting all this recovered honey? As noted, his hive wasn't giving honey to humans; it was the enslaved hives who were doing that. Aw man, this just gets more and more blind and reprehensible. Then Blue goes to talk to Vanessa, who is mad at him. UGH, WOMEN, AM I RITE GUYS? But why's she so mad? Oh, because almost every plant in the world is dead now.  This is so insanely batshit that it's hard to know where to start. I guess it requires me to talk a bit about plants, even though I don't know very much about plants compared to bees. But I know enough to know some reasons why this is crapped up in the brains, so I guess some basic facts make this absolutely bizarre: 1. Plants are historically split into four (possibly polyphyletic) divisions: algaes, bryophytes, pteridophytes, and seeded plants (gymnosperms + angiosperms). Bryophytes are poo poo like hornworts and mosses. They don't flower and aren't pollinated by insects; they have spores. Pteridophytes are vascular plants (unlike algae and bryophytes), but they still have spores and no flowers. This group encompasses ferns and horsetails. That last group, seeded plants, contains ginkos, cycads, conifers, gnetophytes, and angiosperms. All but the last (angiosperms) are anemophilic, meaning that their pollen is transported by wind. Have you even kicked a pine tree and seen its yellow pollen burst out in clouds? Yeah, wind, rear end in a top hat. Really only that last group, angiosperms, have anything to do with insect pollination. So only the flowering plants should be affected by a lack of bees at all. 2. Also, not all flowering plants are pollinated by bees, FUCKTWIT. Many species of flower are pollinated by lepidoptera (moths/butterflies), flies (midges pollinate cocoa), birds, or even mammals, such as bats. You can generally tell what pollinates a flower by the color of said flower. If it's red, then it's not pollinated by bees. Only an idiot would think bees pollinate red flowers. What the gently caress is wrong with you. Okay, SOMETIMES they do, but only if it smells awesome still, and it's 99% of the time a cultivated plant that we made redder. Bees can't see red though. 3. Trees, contrary to what Bee Movie would have you believe, do not lose their leaves if they are not pollinated. They lose their leaves when the weather turns cold, a time of year known as "autumn". Also the leaves fall off the tree and do not vaporize. 4. Annual plants die in accordance with the season. Perennial plants persist for two or more years. This technically includes trees, although the terminology is rarely applied there. Shockingly, perennials such as trees do not loving up and die if bees don't pass by one time. Their continuing life is contingent on other factors, such as nutrients and energy from the sun. Similarly, if you jack off onto a picture of some fancy anime lass instead of in a real lady, you will not die, although maybe you should. Where your sperm goes once it leaves your body is kind of its own thing. Similarly, plants lack a "wandering uterus" or whatever loving else god drat 5. Basically this is super dumb Yeah so anyway, in a world without bees, literally every plant will die. Since all human agriculture at some level depends on plants (except maybe, you could argue, mushroom cultivation except gently caress you because the detritus has to come from SOMEWHERE) Vanessa is miffed because all of humanity is going to die or something or maybe she's just peeved about her flowers this movie doesn't care, everyone in it is so selfish that it's really all the same, minor inconveniences and genocide. also how the gently caress did blue fly to vanessa's house and not notice this Happening poo poo Pick fucked around with this message at 04:46 on Mar 23, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 23, 2013 04:42
|
|
|
Mechafunkzilla posted:To clarify, this movie has nothing to do with B-movies in terms of being a spoof/parody/pastiche/homage, right? The title is just a completely irrelevant pun? The title, like everything else, is completely divorced from a sense of context. --- Chapter 14: I have told you all I know. If you have any mercy within you, please, let me die. Dave Barry once described the song Seasons in the Sun as being about "a person who is dying, but not fast enough." That is also a perfect description of, at this point, the world of Bee Movie.  Vanessa blames Blue for everything, even though she was doing most of the work. quote:
yeah idiot i'm not blaming all BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG DIFFERENCE Blue assumes he's doomed humanity, which suddenly he cares about or something. He suggests a suicide pact. No, I don't mean, like, figuratively or something. quote:
Vanessa then tells him that she's going to the last Tournament of Roses--her dream from the beginning of the film. She packs off in her taxi and goes. But suddenly Blue has an idea! He races after her!  It's part idea, and part lame apology. But hey, even a good apology wouldn't have passed muster with Vanessa. quote:
Yes, she's angrier about her shop than the fate of humanity. Patrick you dodged one heeeeell of a bullet, buddy. Anyway, Blue has an idea, and it's so stupid that it makes me angry even in the midst of Pick's Angry Thread (Bee Movie, the Pick Angry Thread). His idea is tooooo... steal the roses and then use the roses from the parade and then re-pollinate the entire, uh, park/world/nation with it? By the way, I'm not sure if you KNEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW THIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, but you can't just pollinate any loving plant with any loving pollen, kind of like you can't jerk off into a dog and have a baby fall out! It's REPRODUCTIVE TISSUE you loving DORKS Who wrote this loving MOVIE and the answer is loving JERRY SEINFELD and loving gently caress YOU JERRY SEINFELD they steal the "princess and the pea" float, with Blue dressed as the pea because fine 
Pick fucked around with this message at 05:23 on Mar 23, 2013 |
|
#
¿
Mar 23, 2013 04:53
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 18, 2024 10:53 |
|
|
Vargo posted:For some reason, out of all the stupid, improbable, poorly-thought-out crap you've presented us with so far, the red flag my weird-rear end brain thought to pick out was "There is no way they'd be able to enforce that ruling outside of the US. France ain't gonna extradite that honey. That jurisdiction is all kinds of hosed." This vaguely reminds me of all the uninformed, blabbering morons who accuse Rachel Carson of killing millions of Africans. By getting DDT banned in the US. Setting aside that it increases human infant mortality and is a carcinogen, the reason that--all issues of the environment aside--it fell out of use in the developing world is that it stopped working. hur durrr insect resistance what is that durrrr im pretty sure we can spray insects forever with anything heeeurrr dduuurrrrrrrrrr And it's never been banned as disease vector control, just for agriculture, where its agricultural use was shown to increase malaria rates. Plus now we have better pest control options anyway. The guy who wrote her "takedown" and who keeps getting quoted isn't even a goddamn scientist. God, I can't even talk about it, it makes me so angry.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 23, 2013 05:15
|
|