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A few summers ago a friend and I were backpacking through Croatia and had spent all day walking around the city of Split. We had to take an 8 a.m. bus to another city the next morning so our plan was just to head back to the hostel and have an easy night. When we get back to the dorm room, we heard two people having sex in the room with all our stuff in it, so we sat in the lobby thinking of a backup plan when one of the staff guys pulls out a big bottle of vodka and starts making us Screwdrivers. He eventually convinces us and another dude to go out to a bar, and we figure gently caress it, we're on vacation, why not. The problem was that we hadn't eaten all night and were 2 doubles deep with completely empty stomachs. Once we get to a bar, I have 2 pints and my memory starts getting fuzzy. I remember having an intense conversation about Franz Kafka with a German guy, dancing on a chair with a big group of Irish dudes, and then somehow managing to find my buddy and get out. I could barely stand, and in Split the old part of town is pretty much a maze between all these tightly packed buildings and Roman ruins. I still have no idea how the gently caress we got home. I distinctly remember pissing on a statue/the walls of Roman emperor Diocletian's palace before time-travelling to the hostel door and basically passing out on the stoop outside. It was a keypad lock and my friend somehow managed to remember the code and punch us in while I laid on the concrete and moaned. I have vague memories of puking in a urinal (confirmed the next morning) and we woke up at 7, still wasted, to get on the shittiest bus ride of my entire life. I wanted to die. But I'm sure that's small time compared to some that you guys have so let's hear them!
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 01:55 |
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| # ? May 24, 2013 11:35 |
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Nothing really special, just stupid drunk college kid poo poo. My story happened Freshman year, which was pretty awesome since we all were pretty chill and we partied together. We bought a bunch of forties and some duct tape because we were going to play some Edward Fourtyhands at a party we were going to. I don't know how the gently caress we didn't get stopped by the cops, there must have been about 20 of us all going to this party with our forties in our backpacks. Anyways, we made it to this party and proceeded to play this retarded game. My best friend Tim and I were pregaming for this party with his weird concoction of Pepsi and Jager. We were taking turns taking swigs out of his Nalgene while we were walking to this party. We finally made it to the party. The forties were still cold as gently caress since our friend Mason just bought them from the liquor store and was driving to the party (he just turned 21, he was a nontraditional student so he's the one who bought us booze.) Tagging along was Elon's friend, Punky. This kid had to be 6'4" and 300 lbs. Well first thing he does is break the couch when he slams his heavy rear end down. Afterwards, we proceeded to take the duct tape and 40's out four our game. As I said earlier, the fourties were cold as gently caress and were the worst thing about that night to be honest. After about an hour, me and my bro, Tim were just chilling, pouring the rest of our fourties out of our hands when our friend, Brenden thought it would be a good time to reenact a scene from Super Troopers. He started licking the screen door and say "The snozberries taste like snozberries." Immediately after, he started puking his guts out. It was right at that moment when we heard some cars coming to the house. All of a sudden, I hear someone say "Oh poo poo, the cops are here." Now this was the first time I had dealt with the police before but somehow I had it in me to not panic. Me and my friend Tim were like, "alright, time to ditch this party." and we ran out and proceeded to get the gently caress out of there. We hopped the fence and made it back to our dorm. Since the party ended early (around 11:30 PM) Me, Tim, and Brenden (the Snozberry guy) thought it was a good idea to go around campus and light off the fireworks we got from our trip to Wyoming. We were walking around campus, just lighting off Chinese firecrackers at random people. We first started throwing those fire crackers at random dorm windows, but then we stupidly decided to go off campus and hit random nearby neighborhoods. This didn't last long because I threw one on someones porch. The lights came one after that happened and someone came out. We hid behind some bushes while this older man came out and said he was going to call the cops. We saw the lights from the bathroom next to us light up soon after. We decided gently caress this, and we jumped what seemed like a million fences to reach the back street and made our way back to campus. Afterwards, we meet up with everybody outside our dorm. Our friend, Wade had his hookah out on the bench outside. We spend the rest of the night smoking hookah, having a pretty uneventful night aside from some drunk kid trying to steal a bike, and our friend Tommy stopping him. gently caress, I miss Freshman year  .
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 06:21 |
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I wish I could remember the circumstances behind waking up face down in the middle of my friend's living room with half my name staple gunned into my rear end, but at least the punchline is pretty decent.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 06:26 |
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I drank beer and threw up beer on a girl I drank beer with then went home to drink more beer with her. We ended up hooking up but I drank so much beer I couldn't keep it up (my penis). She told me I was pushing rope but I don't know about that because my penis just wasn't working on account of that beer we drank together and I didn't see any rope. When I woke up I just smelled like a lot of beer and I lost my phone so I had to walk 5 miles home. It wasn't that bad though, I really like beer.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 06:44 |
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A couple Saturdays ago I discovered that you can throw up quite competently while walking backwards, in both an effort to keep vomit off your shoes and not waste time on the walk back home. I remember being terrified that if I sat down I would get the spins real bad 
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 06:48 |
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One time I was so freaking drunk, like so drunk. Like "woah this guy is drunk" kinda drunk. The kinda drunk where you are like "woah I think I drank too many beers" that I accidentally ordered a Mcdouble instead of a Double Cheeseburger. Boy was my face red the next day. Thought i would never live that one down.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 07:42 |
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One time I was really drunk and my roommate was passed out on the floor with his mouth open so I poured gin down his throat. He woke up really mad but then we laughed and drank more gin
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 07:59 |
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Drinking culture is so loving cool.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 08:00 |
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Hoo boy. Went out and got drunk with some friends at one of our favorite dives, and had a pretty uneventful night until we were walking back to the sober friends car. Saw a fire hydrant just sitting on the sidewalk, not hooked up and bolted down. It stayed in my living room until I moved out, no idea how we got it up to the second floor. Up late drinking whiskey at a black metal festival, and happened upon some gasoline and a whole bunch of crappy fantasy swords, had flaming swordfights until some responsible jerkoff came and stopped all the fun. Walked around a huge gay club during a transvestite beauty pageant with a 3 foot long dildo stuffed down my pants. Got kicked out of a club on "goth" night in a pretty spectacular fashion. Some friends and I instigated a sort of make-out musical chairs with some girls and guys we met until security came and told us to knock it off, and got thrown out when I pissed off of the balcony. Things went smooth until one of my friends started talking poo poo to one of the bouncers, so they called the cops and we high-tailed it out of there. Wandered around trying to find a particular late night diner, and ended up in the parking lot of a hospital. Someone tore a license plate off of a car, and security came up and started asking questions. As soon as they leave, the license plate falls out of my vest and we find the diner across the street. During an after-party of a big show at a friends house, with some of the touring bands crashing there, I got immortalized on film dancing around to Goodbye Horses doing the ugly girl (tucking your junk between your legs). Some band somewhere now has this forever. When I was younger I once stumbled down a street full of posh McMansions kicking over sprinkler heads and cutting the eyes out of every single political sign I saw, the aftermath was pretty silly. I once lived in a notorious party house that was getting condemned. We threw a hell of a party, everything got trashed. TVs were thrown off of a balcony, huge bonfire in the backyard, people I had never met before were coming to trash the house. I left about 5 minutes before the police showed up and arrested everyone that didn't make it out. I kept calling the girl I left with the wrong name and she dumped me on the side of the road, had to have a friend come pick me up. I swear I'm not that much of a jerk. Anymore. Probably.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 08:04 |
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A CRUNK BIRD posted:Drinking culture is so loving cool. It's sofa king cool, brah. 
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 08:10 |
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When I was about 18 or so, I was out drinking in this really quiet, almost English like town. When the bar closed, I stumbled back to my mates house. Along the way, I pissed in front of a Police Station... or maybe it was a Primary School. No, I have it - it was a Police Station NEXT to a Primary School. And I think the night before that, I was drinking again with the same mate. i had bought a few bottles of wine, one of which was a fantastic Rose. Anyways, we get pretty plastered, and think "You know what'd go really well with this? Toasted avocado and cheese sandwiches!". So, we cook some up. My mate also offers me a joint - I decline, as I wasn't feeling too crash hot. Not two minutes later I run to the mens room and bring it all up. I feel better, then get back to drinking and eating more sandwiches. My stories are fairly tame compared to what will be posted ITT, I imagine . Though I could really go for some toasted avocado and cheese sandwiches right now.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 08:12 |
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One time, I got so loving drunk I puked all over the place and passed the gently caress out.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 08:22 |
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One time, right now, I was, am, really drunk, and then I got, am sad. So I posted a stupid reply in a stupid thread and got probated.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 09:06 |
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I only have one really bad college story. Thank god I lived through that night. It was fall quarter of my sophomore year, I had just moved into my college house with 6 other friends, and we were about to leave to go to a big party over at a friends house. I had a fifth of Southern Comfort, and was in a really bad mood for some reason. So we get to the party, and I start downing the bottle, being that rear end in a top hat screaming "this is too easy!  ". I take a couple of shots of Jameson with my friends as well and everyone is having a good time. Maybe an hour later I'm drunk as gently caress and the bottle is almost done. I didn't know where I am since I had never been to this house before, and apparently I wanted to go home, so I guess I just ran. No one saw me and no one stopped me. The next thing I remember is winding up walking down the side of a highway around two hours later, like 10 miles away from where the party was. I'm covered in sweat and my shorts are in tatters, I have a backpack with an empty SOCO bottle and I really need to piss. I wind up whizzing on the side of the highway and pulling out my phone (which I thank god I still had) and managed to text one word to all of my friends "HELP". Immediately I get calls and I have no way of identifying where I am or what I was doing, so I start heading back towards the skyscrapers. Eventually I run into an art museum like a half an hour later after walking through some pretty lovely streets, and I got picked up by a senior and dropped off by my house. Drunk me is really hungry and wants food, but my friends are about to beat my rear end if I don't get inside. I pass out and wake up like 13 hours later, and barely remember the night. Everyone is laughing and I have a story I'll never forget. I haven't drank nor ever will drink SOCO ever again.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 15:02 |
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I posted this is in a prior thread about making comics about your life, but here goes anyway... I was living in a band house, had been unemployed for roughly a year, and during that time decided "gently caress it" and grew a huge, gnarly beard just because I could. This was a punk band, mind you, so the house was home to an array of different terrible smells which had a habit of evolving as if driven by some malicious sentience. The band members and I had gone out drinking, and like many other nights during those dark days we managed to somehow make it home uninjured in a near-blackout state after bar close. As was ritual, we passed a bong around and did some rips prior to going to our rooms to pass out. I woke up the next morning due video games being played in the living room at extremely loud volume. Immediately the stench of vomit assailed me full force. While this was a "normal" smell after a night of heavy drinking by the band, it was so strong that it invaded MY room. Hung over, hungry, and in a generally foul mood I began hollering right then and there, projecting a cone of livid obscenities before me as I stomped into the living room. "YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE GODDAMN DISGUSTING! THIS PLACE loving REEKS OF PUKE AND YOU'RE IN HERE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES INSTEAD OF CLEANING UP WHATEVER DISGUSTING HEAP OF BILE YOU NO DOUBT WERE TOO LAZY TO FLUSH!" I went on like this for what seemed like forever; all the while they're just staring at me doe-eyed in disbelief that I finally snapped. They began giggling, as if taking delight in my outrage. On the verge of absolutely losing it I stormed to the bathroom to down some aspirin, take a morning piss, and try to calm down a bit. Almost instantly after entering I was greeted by the visage of my vomit-caked beard in the mirror. "gently caress!" I yelled at the top of my lungs to a chorus of uproarious laughter.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 18:29 |
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Once I tried to pee in a river when walking home from a bar. Then I fell down into said river, and when I started to lose my balance I remember thinking "welp nothing I can do to stop this now". This hasn't stopped me from peeing into flowing waters while drunk whenever possible, but now I generally try to find spots where I can hold onto a tree or something.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 18:44 |
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First night on the Saco river, I threw my sleeping bag in the fire, because "gently caress you, sleeping bags are for pussies!" The reality was, I had pissed myself and didn't want anyone to find out. It rained the next night, so I had to sleep under a tarp, inside my inflatable raft. Another time, I was trying to be all playful and romantic with my girlfriend, so I snuck up behind her, wrapped my arms around her, swung her around and fell backwards onto this...  with her on top of me. That chair never stood a chance. cname fucked around with this message at Mar 18, 2013 around 19:09 |
| # ? Mar 18, 2013 19:02 |
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One time, a friend and I dressed up as raccoons and downed a 40 of vodka. We walked all over town dancing around and peeing behind churches. We got to a gas station and these 2 girls came out of their vehicle and walked up to me, exclaiming "Never change!" and proceeded to take a picture with me. The next day I realized they probably thought I was a furry... Not even . Small town drunk adventures are always fun though.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 21:59 |
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Edit: Woops double post.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 21:59 |
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I used to pretty frequently drink, way, way too much, and just wander off from whatever party I happened to be at. One day we were partying near a river, in a cool little cave that I'm sure every generation of teens in my town has used for this purpose. So, me being so drunk that I only know about this from witness accounts, decided I'd like to take a refreshing dip in the river. Queue everyone freaking the gently caress out as I thrash around violently (it was about 3 feet of water) and fall over. Some girl apparently helped me out of the water, and then I just went home I guess, I honestly don't remember any of it so I have no idea how I even got home, but I was soaking wet when I woke up the next morning  Oh which reminds me of another awesome drunk story, I asked my friend to run me a bath apparently, then I went upstairs and just climbed right in, fully clothed still. I woke up the next morning, my entire bed and all my clothes just completely soaked, and asked my friend if I had peed the bed. He must have looked me in the eyes for a full minute before he told me about the bath, and how hard it was for him to not just convince me I'd pissed myself. Good times.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 22:05 |
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Holy poo poo other peoples' drunk stories is worse than post the dream you had last night.
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| # ? Mar 18, 2013 22:09 |
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At one of my coworker's halloween parties... brought a huge bottle of tequila. I vaguely remember calling some old mexican dude a pussy for not taking another shot with me. I was very intimate with the toilet that night, woke up in some kid's bed (literally a little girl was asleep next to me  ) and it took me about five years to drink tequila again.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 00:44 |
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Not really my drunk story, but I was drunk. Anyhow, if you go to Oklahoma State University and have ever heard of Joe's weekend, well this is kinda why they put a stop to that. An establishment in Stillwater Oklahoma called Eskimo Joe's held an annual event called Joe's weekend. Basically a huge block party for OSU. I was witness to one of the main reasons that there are no more Joe's weekends. We had a small group(3 girls, 2 guys) formed to go down to stillwater and partake in underage drinking and basically being rowdy, all set to party we head out. First stop is a club that my friend was fixing to open, it was our main reason for being down there, to scope it out and see how things were going to fit inside and what it needed. Right down the street from the club there was a coney islander, this is where we first saw Crazy Guy, he was hard to miss as he was in the process of getting kicked out of subway, amidst crying uncontrollably, and breaking tables. His friend and protector was randomly apologizing for him and advising everyone that his behavior was due to his woman, the love of his life, his everything, banging like 3 other guys and giving him the boot. It was obvious that his weekend had already started out great, and would probably end really well. The day proceeded uneventful. We checked out the club, went down to Joes weekend, grabbed some food and a few beers. It was getting late, and we were making one more pass by the club, and he showed up again. Crazy Guy, breaking bottles and raging against the machine with 3 of his friends, only stopping every now and then to cry a bit more about his lost love. Of course, the girls in our group took pity on him, and decided to go and have a chat with CG. This would prove to be not the most brilliant move for either party, as CG was well, Crazy, and 3 19 year old girls that are drunk are notoriously stupid, and proved to be so. Thus an alliance was formed, CG his 3 friends and 3 drunk teenage girls were formed, to raise hell and cry about that lying bitches black black heart. The dialog was amazing, “Bbbbut I loved her!” CG would cry, the girls would respond “We know, we know, but your better off without her.” A random fried would come out of his stupor to add “yeah” Rinse, repeat. My friend and I just sat out in front of his soon to be club and talked. As CG sat and simmered over his broken heart, being consoled by our female friends, I guess they couldn't talk the rage out of him, as when a small group of guys(4) down an alley way broke a bottle or two, CG and the crazy females decided to take it upon themselves to be good Samaritans and put an end to it, by yelling obscenities down the alley way at the guys breaking the bottles. Now here we are, 2 groups of 4 yelling at each other down an alleyway, while Colin(my buddy) and I look on. What fun. Volleys of “gently caress you motherfuckers's, come down here and get some!” to be replied with “No you, you motherfuckers's, you come down here and get some!” again rinse repeat with a little variation every now and then. The girls get the wonderfully planned idea that now they must arm themselves, and come over to a dumpster were Colin and I were to grab some bottles. “What are you doing?” I ask, as she looked at me with glazed over drunken eyes and replied “We need weapons!” I knew all hope was lost, this was not going to end well. Oh hey, look down the alley, now there are only 3 guys. Whoa, weren't there 4 there a little bit ago? You see kids, when you are in a college town, and start messing with people breaking bottles in an alley, you should always pause to think 'I wonder if they are in a frat?' because more then likely, they are. As was the case with the bottle breakers from down in the alley. All of the sudden frat guys came from everywhere, I mean everywhere, from down the street, up the street, from the alley, just a mass of frat guys all bent on beating the hell out of CG and his three friends. Colin and I gave each other “oh no” looks as we sat and watched the fireworks unfold. It started in much the same way as the alley thing, just a bunch of trash talk, but CG was having no more of that, and took a swing at a frat guy, and it was on. The closest thing I can come to describe this fight would be to call it a human tornado, they moved around the street fighting and cussing all the while moving in a circle. The mob had just the characteristics of a tornado, it was weird. This spectacle went on for around 3-5 minutes, just one big mass of body's circling and moving every now and then a body would get spit out of the mob only to dive back in again and continue. The girls were on the outskirts of the tornado screaming and crying and yelling “stop stop omg stop”. They had just forgotten that they had helped start this madness I guess, and went from warmongers to peacemakers in .2 seconds. Colin and I sat there, watching this tornado in awe, what a crazy thing. Then, the final blow was struck, the tornado had whirled itself up into a yard and was busy whirling itself back into the street when CG who was running away from Frat guy, lost his footing and fell on his back. Frat guy had a bottle in his hand with which he then hurled at CG's face. Direct hit. CG just took a bottle to the face and was probably out cold. It has been one of the more gruesome things I have seen in this lifetime. The tornado whirled on, few noticing that CG was now bleeding profusely. Upon having front row seats to the bottle face incident, Colin and I decided it was high time to get out of there. We drove away, Colin actually wanted to just say 'ah well' and go back to Tulsa, I talked him into going back though to make sure the girls were OK. Upon our arrival at the scene, we are greeted by 11 cop cars and 3 ambulances. Whooo, what fun. CG ended up going to the hospital and getting bottle pieces removed from his face as well as getting something like 30 stitches. 2-3 others ended up in the hospital as well for minor injuries. The girls were there and they were fine albeit sobbing hysterically and going “Why, why?” I didn't have the heart to tell them why, I just went with the flow. Due to that huge fight and a few other incidents, Joes weekend is no more. That was the last one. Thanks a lot Crazy Guy and Crazy frat guys. This is why we can't have nice things. Oh and I think Crazy guys wonder woman was flirting with me at the Hot Dog stand. This is unconfirmed though.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 00:57 |
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I fell into a laundry basket once.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 01:00 |
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I only saw the very end of this incident, but I got the whole story from several guys who were at the same party, including the guy who instigated it. At about 11 pm, one guy goes out to the front porch of the frat house to cool off for a bit. He's pretty drunk, but he can still walk, and he manages to stumble his way out to the plastic furniture on the porch. So he's just sitting there, and guys and girls are coming and going from the party, but he's not really responding to anyone. Then this one (sober-ish) guy walks up, sees the drunk guy on the porch, and decides to play a prank on him. He walks right over to the guy, leans over, and whispers into his ear, "I don't mean to alarm you, but the aliens are coming. We need to get out of here." Drunk guy's eyes go wide, and he bolts out of the chair and starts to run. The frat house porch doesn't have any railings, since it's just one step up from the sidewalk, so the guy falls off of it and lands face-first in the yard. He pulls himself up and keeps running, but it's dark and he can't see well so he runs into a tree and falls down again. By now people are taking notice, and he's got a few people watching him, myself included. He gets up one last time, and this time he makes it to the sidewalk and starts running down the street. I have no idea how he managed to stay balanced enough to run, but somehow he did. In the end me and two other guys had to go chase him down and bring him back to the frat house. He spent the rest of the night talking about aliens until he passed out. The next morning he wakes up with his knee swollen to the side of a grapefruit (apparently he had hurt it during one of his falls) and he has to wear a brace for a few weeks after that.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 01:15 |
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Last Halloween - Convinced a man dressed as Bellatrix Lestrange to buy me several candy bars and carry me half a mile home. If you're out there, Trixie, I appreciate it. I woke up the next morning cuddling a Snickers bar. It was a dream come true.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 01:22 |
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Intrusive Thoughts posted:I fell into a laundry basket once. I interrupted a friend who was pissing into my (thankfully empty) laundry basket. His only response at the time was "I thought you'd moved your toilet". When he sobered up, he was terribly embarrassed and bought me a fancy wicker laundry basket that in his words "nobody could possibly mistake for a toilet". Edit: He used to be a loving messy drunk. He once spewed in a taxi and tried to pay the driver "in shoes", figuring that the cleaning fee was $50 but his shoes were worth at least that. He ended up giving the guy way more than $50 in the end, because he's useless at money when he's drunk. More edit: He accidentally pissed himself after wandering into the back room of a kebab shop while looking for a toilet, and then felt bad and dropped 3 $20 notes into the tip jar. AlphaDog fucked around with this message at Mar 19, 2013 around 01:42 |
| # ? Mar 19, 2013 01:37 |
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Just this last Saturday we showed up to a pretty lame St. Patrick's day parade. So my friends and I decided to spice it up by drunkenly marching along between two groups, shouting borderline racist things to our adoring crowd and high fiving anyone on the street who looked to be as drunk and upset with the parade as we were.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 01:40 |
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At one party in college, I killed at least half a bottle of homemade absinthe (which tasted awful because it was from before I learned to distill and was just grain alcohol that had all the herbs steeped in it then filtered) and fell down a spiral staircase when someone said the cops were coming.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 02:40 |
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Intrusive Thoughts posted:I fell into a laundry basket once. One time I was really drunk and tripped on the side of the road but didn't fall. Got close though, was worried someone saw me. Thankfully, noone didn't. Well, except for my friends I suppose. Embarassingly, that was also the night when I tried to put the keys in my door but dropped them. I felt like a major poo poo until I picked them up and unlocked my door and went to sleep.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 05:29 |
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GWBBQ posted:At one party in college, I killed at least half a bottle of homemade absinthe (which tasted awful because it was from before I learned to distill and was just grain alcohol that had all the herbs steeped in it then filtered) and fell down a spiral staircase when someone said the cops were coming. One of the first things I ever brewed was ginger beer. It tasted pretty nice, but wasn't very alcoholic. So we drank the first case and then promptly forgot about the second case. 6 months later, a friend was helping me clean out the shed where my brew stuff is stored, and found the second case. "Oh yeah, ginger beer, we should drink that. It's pretty weak but it's a hot day..." Turns out it was originally weak because I'd hosed up and bottled it too early, and then drank it too early. It had fermented in the bottle, and was now at least the strength of regular beer, and my friend and I drank most of the case* in about 2 hours. We got way too pissed way too fast, and after a bit I just sort of fell asleep in a lawn chair. He decided to walk home and 3 hours later I got a call from him: "hey... I accidentally walked to my old house. Can you send someone to get me? I left my phone at yours, and the people here are really nice and let me use their phone but they'd like me to go". He'd walked 10km in the wrong direction, to a house he hadn't lived in for 4 years. I got sunburned pretty bad. AlphaDog fucked around with this message at Mar 19, 2013 around 05:52 |
| # ? Mar 19, 2013 05:49 |
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Once upon a time there were five goons. Two of them shared an apartment, I and one other had come over to hang out and drink, and the fifth... This story centers on her. The fifth one had been drinking way too much, and had brought a little dog with her, you know, one of those purse rats that shake because their bodies are too small to stay warm on their own. The night was coming to a close and the two residents of the apartment had disappeared, leaving the three of us in the living room. I wasn't sure where the dog was at this point, but it's owner wandered to the back hallway that lead to the bathroom and bedrooms, and I assumed it was so she could pass out for the night. A minute or two later, one resident goon had come back to the living room and was shortly followed by his roommate. His roommate was fuming mad though, for reasons I couldn't initially tell. Pacing silently back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fists, and just looking pissed as all gently caress like he wanted to punch a motherfucker. He turned to his roommate and said "Bro. Bro. She pissed. In my bag." I cautiously asked, "...The dog?" and the look he gave me was that of a man whose restraint was about to break, and I knew then that it wasn't the dog. The bathroom had been occupied by the first roommate and this woman had told herself it was a good idea to walk into the second's bedroom, drop trou, and piss inside his favorite duffel bag while looking him dead in the eye as he leapt out of bed to stop her.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 06:08 |
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Let's see...I have a handful, from putting my car in a ditch (not funny) to insulting a senator and then hitting on his wife (funny). It's hard to choose. From when I was younger: I went to my best buddy's cousin's house party. The cousin, Jackie, was an 8 foot tall skinhead. Not the racist kind. But Jackie kept weird company so the entire party was full of punks, goths, weirdos and freaks of every kind. There were four of us and I had driven so I was supposed to be the DD, but I had a little to work up enough liquid courage to talk to some psychobilly girl, and a little turned into a lot. Anyway, someone must have invited a few of the racist kind of skinheads because when they showed up they started causing trouble and Jackie wasn't having it. A shouting match ensued, threats were exchanged, and just when it looked like maybe things would settle down, Jackie's girlfriend comes out of loving nowhere with a 32oz beer glass and breaks it over some guy's head. Then it was on. Pretty much everyone that wasn't me or my buddies got swept up into this brawl that went on for probably ten minutes before someone called the cops. Everyone scattered, jumping fences, getting into their cars and tearing off into the night. I tried to collect my friends but it was evident that the police were in force, so I had three of four friends in the car and as I'm pulling away, the fourth friend comes running out of the house and waving his arms. I rolled down my window and he literally dove in and yelled GO GO GO! With flailing legs blocking my already altered vision, I peeled out just as the cops began blocking off the street and arresting the stragglers. We never partied with Jackie again. Recently: I met a girl on OkCupid. She lived kinda far, but we clicked and decided to meet half way in a city we were both familiar with. I get there and she's already hammered. She's as pretty as I was led to believe and as clever as she was in our email exchanges so I just went with it. I played catch up and eventually I'm as ripped as her and we're having slurred pseudo intellectual conversations about religion, philosophy and Michael Jackson. When it came time for us to leave the bar, she propositions me with an idea. We get some 40s and find some train tracks. We sit by the train tracks and drink the 40s. So that's what we did. We polished off two Olde E's a piece, shooting the poo poo and watching the trains whip by us at amazing speeds. It was an amazing experience but we totally could have gotten shanked by hobos.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 07:00 |
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I have a couple, but this one sticks out: When I was in my early 20's and didn't have much money, myself and 2 friends (lets call them Steve and Bob), went on holiday to Girona, Spain for a lads' holiday. We stayed in a pretty crappy hotel as it was cheap, and our room had 3 single beds. Our evenings consisted of drinking the cheap rat's piss vodka in the hotel bar, until sufficiently drunk to venture into town and hit a club of some sort, safe in the knowledge we wouldn't have to spend too much on alcohol at expensive club prices. One evening, after "pre-drinking" as usual in the hotel bar, we found ourselves sat at the bar of some club at about 1am (I think it didn't close until like 6am). We had spent most of our time in there dancing badly and failing to impress any ladies, whilst spending as little as possible on alcohol as possible, but just enough to stay sufficiently drunk. There were these 2 Dutch guys also at the bar who were also drunk, and we got chatting to them for a while about random stuff. They were smokers, like Bob, and gave him quite a few free cigarettes as well as a few free drinks. After about 30mins, Steve and I decided it was time to amble home and hopefully find some greasy takeaway place for food on the way to prepare ourselves for the inevitable hangover tomorrow. Bob said he wanted to stay here, with the Dutch guys, and would see us tomorrow. After failing to convince him NOT to stay with 2 random people on his own, we gave up and wandered off. The next day, I woke up at around 7am in my hotel bed, dying for a piss. I looked to my right, Steve was in his bed snoring heavily. I looked to my left, and Bob was nowhere to be seen. After dragging my sorry, hungover self up I began to notice a horrific smell. I wasn't sure if I was imagining it at first as my brain was very fuzzy, but sure enough it was real, sort of like raw sewage or poo poo or something. I tried to ignore it and stumbled towards the bathroom where the door was ajar. I pushed the door, but it didn't budge, as if something was blocking it, so I pushed again, harder. The door moved a bit, and the smell got stronger, but something was definitely blocking it. I then put my shoulder into and barged the door open, and the sight and smell that hit me was sickening. Bob, the obstacle that was blocking the door just moments before, was passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. There was poo poo, human poo poo, all over the bathroom, sprayed up the mirror above the sink, in the sink, on the floor, all over Bob's back and legs. I ran out, retching. Turns out that Bob got so drunk, he tried to take a poo poo in the sink as it was the closest thing to him, passed out mid-poo poo, and fell onto the floor unconscious whilst still making GBS threads. He doesn't know how he got home, or what he drank. I made him clean the bathroom with bleach and buy us all new toothbrushes. spud fucked around with this message at Mar 19, 2013 around 23:27 |
| # ? Mar 19, 2013 19:07 |
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First time I got drunk was in the summer after finishing elementary school. I stole a bottle of some horrible strawberry liqueur from my parents and paid a dude to pick up a sixpack from the store. Can't remember much, but I got a lot of hugs from drunk high school girls who thought a barely conscious child was cute. Didn't get into a bar. Didn't get laid.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 19:50 |
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I'm a straight female and in college I was room mates with a gay guy. We went to drag shows every now and then with each other. One night the GLBT club had rented out some cabins in the middle of nowhere for an after-party. We didn't know about this until we got to the drag show, so obviously we didn't bring any kind of cabin/camping gear. The show ends and everyone drives like an hour out into the wilderness to get to the cabins in the middle of the night. When we got there, we all proceeded to get hammered. I don't remember much but it was a great time. The next morning I woke up in a top bunk, wrapped in a rainbow flag, cuddling with a 40 year old lesbian. According to my room mate, it was pitch black and he heard me trying to find him, but he was in the middle of doing something naughty with another guy so he didn't bother to correct me when I crawled in bed with her. The next day this lady added me on Facebook with "Hey bunk buddy..." She was a prof that was the group leader of the GLBT club and we've actually stayed in contact since. Most of my drunk stories these days are just me drinking at home, looking at PYF, and watching old episodes of Futurama. E: Except that one time a few months ago where me and one of my friends, after having an hour long sing and dance session to old SOAD music and taking ice picks to frozen elk meat for the dogs, decided we would do some target practice with her and her boyfriend's hand guns (probably not the best idea in hindsight). We shot a few cans before realizing that the sound had scared our dogs and two of them had run off into the woods, so at 3am, the two of us plus our boyfriends split off and go wandering through the woods in about three feet of snow with nothing but moonlight to guide us. We ended up finding the dog after about an hour, but then we couldn't find my boyfriend, so we tried following his tracks in the snow but lost his trail. We start getting worried as we realize he's out in the wilderness without proper boots or gloves, and just as we start to wonder when we need to call for some search and rescue, we hear a noise in the attic. After about ten minutes of walking around initially, my boyfriend went back to the house and for some reason decided not to tell anyone that he was going to pass out in the attic of all places. According to him, he got really sad that our dog had run off so he went to be sad alone. He was too drunk to convince to come out of the attic, so we let him sleep it off up there. Koivunen fucked around with this message at Mar 19, 2013 around 20:26 |
| # ? Mar 19, 2013 20:13 |
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| # ? May 24, 2013 11:35 |
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At my first big drinking party, a guy who wound up being a good friend for a while got so drunk that he: 1. Threw up on the porch. 2. Starting hitting on girls while trying unsuccessfully to stand up because he was slipping on said puke. 3. Passed out in the backyard after stumbling and hitting his head on an iron table. 4. Began "swimming" in the yard when the sprinklers came on. 5. We eventually dragged in and laid him on the couch on the back porch, where he proceeded to piss himself at some point. The kicker? Sometime later he must have gotten hungry, because the next morning he was looking for his headphones. We found, in front of the couch, a plate covered in ketchup and little bits of wire and insulation. He ate his loving headphones with ketchup.
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| # ? Mar 19, 2013 20:57 |
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