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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Punchsport Pagoda > WWE Raw's posterior better contact someone at once for 3/18
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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

LAST WEEK ON RAW:

  • The Undertaker comes out to pay his respects to the late Paul Bearer. CM Punk interrupts and offers condolences on his loss... at WrestleMania.
  • Kane comes out and attacks CM Punk. A No DQ match is made for later in the night.
  • Seth Rollins vs. Big Show ended in a DQ because what else did you expect
  • Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler had a really good match which Ziggler prevailed in. After the match Big E gave Bryan a Big Ending
  • Tensai is an uneducated slob and doesn't know how to pronounce FAAAAAAAAHN-DAAAAAAAHN-GOOOOOOOOOO's name
  • Rhodes Scholars vs. New Age Outlaws was a no contest when Bork Laser came down to the ring and destroyed Billy Gunn & dumb Road Dogg
  • Lesnar and Heyman accept HHH's challenge, but only if he signs the contract to a gimmick match with an unknown gimmick
  • Mark Henry beat up Kofi Kingston because all of my dreams are coming true
  • The Bella Twins are back!!!!!!! see previous bullet
  • In an extremely back-and-forth match, The Ryback defeated Heath Slater while Mark Henry watched from the ramp. After the match, Henry and the Ryback take turns giving finishers to poor Drew McIntyre
  • Alberto Del Rio cross armbreakered Antonio Cesaro to death
  • The WWE Production Team are wizards who made people more excited for the Rock/Cena match
  • Randy Orton and Sheamus (the Celtic Vipers) defeated the Rhodes Scholars just in case you didn't know where they were on the totem pole
  • Chris Jericho hosts the Highlight Reel with The Miz and Wade Barrett. It was bad and then Brad Maddox attempted to save it but then Cole ruined it. Miz and Jericho had a match and long story short there's a three-way IC Title defense tonight
  • Zeb Colter accuses Sin Care-a and other luchadores of planchaing across the border. Sin Care-a loses to Jack Swagger
  • CM Punk loses to Kane when he is distracted by Undertaker's music. While Kane and Undertaker pay tribute to Paul Bearer, Punk steals the urn and hits Kane with it. Punk poses with THE URN at the top of the stage and mocks Undertaker.



haha no seriously what the gently caress is that picture

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW:

1. HHH returns to give his response to Brock Lesnar's WrestleMania challenge.
Why you should care: He's really good and has been one of the defining performers of the last decade for a reason, but yeah, just point out how he gives 20-minute promos every time he comes out because, no, really, it's funny

2. The Undertaker looks like he legit wants to kill CM Punk.
Why you should care: This feud was stepped up this past week with the theft of THE URN. Punk and Heyman have apparently been making the house show runs with THE URN, so expect fun things!

3. Wade Barrett and Chris Jericho will wrestle! For a title! (also the Miz)
Why you should care: Wade Barrett and Chris Jericho (and also the Miz) seem to be pretty okay. Will the Intercontinental Title change hands tonight?

4. The Rock and John Cena will do something at WrestleMania.
Why you should care: I don't know, will The Rock even be there? John Cena wasn't even on last week. More holding patterns to come this week.

5. oh god there's still three weeks to wrestlemania
Why you should care: augh oh nooooooooo my interest come back where are you going please don't leave

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT
http://bigevents.tv
http://thefirstrow.eu

All this and more, live on the Road to WrestleMania (three more weeks... three more weeks... three more weeks...) on Monday Night Raw!

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:01
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# ? May 20, 2013 18:28
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edotherocket
Apr 6, 2006
Internet.

Bard Maddox posted:

4. The Rock and John Cena will do something at WrestleMania.
Why you should care: I don't know, will The Rock even be there? John Cena wasn't even on last week. More holding patterns to come this week.


Maybe they will use this time to build some solid feuds on the undercard this week?

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:14
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Jack Krauser
May 23, 2006

CM PUNK HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON THE WWE URNIVERSE


 Vickie just announced that next week the IC title will be defended in a triple threat with The Miz and Jericho.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:37
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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

Jack Krauser posted:

Vickie just announced that next week the IC title will be defended in a triple threat with The Miz and Jericho.

I'm pretty sure this is happening tonight.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:40
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Jack Krauser
May 23, 2006

CM PUNK HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON THE WWE URNIVERSE

Bard Maddox posted:

I'm pretty sure this is happening tonight.

No, it's happening next week.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:40
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Quantrill
Nov 18, 2005

Jack Krauser posted:

No, it's happening next week.

gently caress

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:42
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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

BOOM
BOOM
BOOM

Jack Krauser posted:

No, it's happening next week.

They announced it for tonight last week and it's on the WWE website for tonight so who knows

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:43
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Jack Krauser
May 23, 2006

CM PUNK HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON THE WWE URNIVERSE

Bard Maddox posted:

They announced it for tonight last week and it's on the WWE website for tonight so who knows

Well she just announced a triple threat for it next week (and they said next week several times) so that would be weird if it changed.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:44
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achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

Everyone talks about how awesome Achilles is, but did he ever made the god of war his bitch?


Sadly Diomedesforever6 just doesn't ring as well as Achillesforever6

 I wonder if they'll do anything for Bruno tonight like release another vignette since this is in his hometown.

Jack Krauser posted:

Well she just announced a triple threat for it next week (and they said next week several times) so that would be weird if it changed.
Probably realized that Miz would get booed when he wins the IC Title and they don't want that reaction.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:50
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Stallion Cabana
Feb 14, 2012

For the Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect of Somaliland


achillesforever6 posted:

I wonder if they'll do anything for Bruno tonight like release another vignette since this is in his hometown.

Probably realized that Miz would get booed when he wins the IC Title and they don't want that reaction.

he's going to get booed no matter what when he wins over Barret and Jericho. Adding a week to it won't help anything.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:52
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SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007



 This Raw had better be good, I'll just say that.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:52
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TEGGS
Nov 21, 2004

Spoony Bard!


 I'm actually home for part of Raw tonight! I hope the half I get to watch is good.

# ? Mar 18, 2013 23:57
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Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

Your flesh mother used to bring me pudding.


 That white screen opening really highlighted how filthy my TV screen is.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:00
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Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

Half Dog.

Half Horse.

All Awesome.

E: ^^^^ Clean your screen!

Two more Raws after this and it's Wrestlemania. and there's only four matches on the card.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:01
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The Landstander
Apr 20, 2004

I stand on land.

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Two more Raws after this and it's Wrestlemania. and there's only four matches on the card.

Well, for practical purposes, 5. (Swagger/ADR, Rock/Cena, Taker/Punk, Lesnar/HHH, Shield/3 faces)

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:01
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Wario Kart 64
Jan 14, 2011

weezy wear a hat

and he like it


 That violin doe

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:01
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Sears Poncho
Oct 8, 2011


 That's some sad violin music

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:01
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RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009



 Their promo on Smackdown for Punk/Taker was so good. What is this poo poo?

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012


 These "last time on Raw" montages would probably be a good idea if we didn't already know all this poo poo.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Quantrill
Nov 18, 2005



 rap
a
doo

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Liar Lyre
Jun 3, 2011


 How does Taker roll his eyes back so well?

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Banjo
Jun 7, 2006



 THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!!!

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

 ... not a promising start.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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The Landstander
Apr 20, 2004

I stand on land.

 YELLOW SHIRT

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

Half Dog.

Half Horse.

All Awesome.

God loving drat it you were gone last week

Oh my god he's in dayglow.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:02
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DarkstarIV
Apr 6, 2010

Mr. Intensity


 rapadoo.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Sex_Ferguson
Oct 22, 2010

Show me a good time, Jack!

 That's certainly some yellow.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Codependent Poster
Oct 20, 2003

Emergency induction port.

 Booo go away Cena.

Why did he take the color of one of Punk's shirts?

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Pistol Packin Poet
Nov 5, 2012

Everyone needs an
escape goat!


 ugh that shirt

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Ozz81
Aug 30, 2006

Liar Lyre posted:

How does Taker roll his eyes back so well?

Well that's what happens when you die, your eyes roll backward...duh

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Generic CAW
Aug 11, 2007

BLANDTASTIC!


 Player two Cena.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Sono
Apr 9, 2008



 Fan service goddamn.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Gonzo McFee
Jun 19, 2010

I made an idiot spend money!


 And the new obnoxious colour is: PUSS YELLOW!

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

BOOM
BOOM
BOOM


 Gotta get that merch money

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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crazycarl
Jun 13, 2001

Welcome to TB Diddlers in Mokena.

Where the special is always Dr Rassmusin's Hot Beef Injection and you can play "Whers my Manometer" with other diners


 Yellow Rapadoo cause he's scared of the Rock

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Edwardian
May 4, 2010

"Can we have a bit of decorum on this forum?"


 Go away, John Cena. I did not miss you last week. Not at all.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Quantrill
Nov 18, 2005



 i hate p-burg and i hate john cena

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009



 Yellow shirt is good. Yellow is a good color.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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Sono
Apr 9, 2008

Codependent Poster posted:

Booo go away Cena.

Why did he take the color of one of Punk's shirts?

City name sports team.

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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# ? May 20, 2013 18:28
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achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

Everyone talks about how awesome Achilles is, but did he ever made the god of war his bitch?


Sadly Diomedesforever6 just doesn't ring as well as Achillesforever6

 Look at Cena pander to this crowd with his Black and Gold t shirt

# ? Mar 19, 2013 00:03
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The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Punchsport Pagoda > WWE Raw's posterior better contact someone at once for 3/18