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If I sound off it's because I'm kind of in shock, but I'm having trouble and don't know how to figure things out. My mother collapsed in January and was sent to the hospital. She lives in California and I live in Maryland. Log story short, she's got Lymphoma and a massive inoperable brain tumor. She's been undergoing chemotherapy but hasn't shown any improvement. She's unable to speak, eat, use the bathroom without asistance, etc. and needs 24-hour care. She was transferred to a rehabilitation center two weeks ago, and I just got a call from them that her Medicare coverage would likely end soon, and at that point I would have to pay for a full-time care facility which would be around $2000/mo, which I can't afford. I haven't started any legal work to get power of attorney or anything like that, because the doctors up until now expected her to make a full recovery, so I'm shocked to hear that suddenly change, and that they're just going to throw her out on the street. I'm scheduled to fly out there to see her in two weeks, but that's clearly too long to wait. I guess the first answer is to lawyer up, so I'll start looking into that right away, but if anyone has been through anything similar I'd really appreciate some help.
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| # ? Mar 22, 2013 22:35 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 06:16 |
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What, what? They just throw her out? Even if there's no one to pick her up? What do they do, leave her to die outside the entrance?
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| # ? Mar 22, 2013 22:50 |
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You may want help from a lawyer to set up a will, advanced directive etc. but for her care, you really need to speak with a social worker. In terms of paying for her care, it isn't so much that you are on the hook for her expenses - she is. If she doesn't qualify for medicaid, the cost of her care would need to come out of her savings until she does qualify, at which point medicare/medicaid will take over. A social worker will better be able to tell you how she can qualify. What I would also recommend is setting up an advanced directive. If she does not have capacity to set one up herself, it gets a little more complicated - again a social worker would be helpful. Depending on what you think she would want, someone will need to make a few important decisions regarding her care. Would she want continued chemotherapy if there is little/no expected benefit? Would she want a DNR/DNI - meaning that if she were hospitalized, we would not try to restart her heart if it were to stop (do not resuscitate) or put her on a ventilator if she were not able to breath (do not intubate). Does she qualify for, and would she want hospice care? Would she even want to hospitalized again for any reason (DNH - do not hospitalize).
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| # ? Mar 22, 2013 23:06 |
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How do I get in touch with a social worker? I've been getting most of the information from her case manager. She has little if any savings, as she's living mostly off of social security, so she certainly wouldn't be able to pay either. The case manager told me I should apply for medi-cal, which is California's medicaid program, but that I'd need access to things I don't have like her bank accounts, and it can take up to two years. She didn't set up any sort of advanced directive or living will or anything, so I've been making DNR decisions and the like, and I've just been telling them to do what they can, because before today I expected her to recover. If she's really going to be like this the rest of her life though, I have no idea how to even approach that kind of decision. edit: And sorry, they're of course not literally going to throw her out onto the street. I guess when the medicare cuts out they'll keep treating, she'll just start racking up a bill.
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| # ? Mar 22, 2013 23:35 |
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I actually went through something similar a couple of months ago. I'm sorry for what you're going through op. Here are some things I would suggest. 1. File a FMLA with your work, chances are you will be missing a fair amount of time. 2. Get with your mom and go ahead and set up DNR order (if she wants it), if she is still able to sign one. 3. Discuss hospice care with her. She doesn't have to go into a hospice but they can provide some amount of in home care. (Anything from just basic meds, counsoling, to having someone come a couple times a week, to 24 hour care.) 4. Contact family/friends for assistance. My siblings and I would basically fly home for a week and help out with things as my mom got closer to passing. 5. Start writing as much stuff down now as you can. 6. Get a lawyer for power of attorney if she is willing to give it. Senor P. fucked around with this message at Mar 23, 2013 around 04:55 |
| # ? Mar 23, 2013 04:52 |
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She's obviously not going to die in the gutter, this isn't Eastern Europe. Depending on her age, though, her access to financial assistance may be means-based. If that is the case, work on selling her house/car (if applicable) ASAP and use the proceeds to pay for her treatment. Once her personal assets are exhausted, they'll likely put her into a nursing home, which is paid for by Medicare. You have the option of paying out-of-pocket to put her into a better nursing home, but a lot of people can't afford that. Either way, you won't HAVE to pony up cash to prevent her from rotting in the parking lot.
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| # ? Mar 24, 2013 04:07 |
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Senor P. posted:I actually went through something similar a couple of months ago. I'm sorry for what you're going through op. Thanks for the advice, unfortunately she's not able to speak or understand what we're saying to her at this point, so most of this isn't possible. I'm doing some research now to find out how I can have her declared unfit so that I can take control. martyrdumb posted:She's obviously not going to die in the gutter, this isn't Eastern Europe. Depending on her age, though, her access to financial assistance may be means-based. If that is the case, work on selling her house/car (if applicable) ASAP and use the proceeds to pay for her treatment. Once her personal assets are exhausted, they'll likely put her into a nursing home, which is paid for by Medicare. You have the option of paying out-of-pocket to put her into a better nursing home, but a lot of people can't afford that. Either way, you won't HAVE to pony up cash to prevent her from rotting in the parking lot. She has no personal assets, except maybe a couple thousand dollars in savings, so if medicare will pay for a nursing home that's exactly the sort of thing I need to look into, but I've been told Medicare will only cover her if she's showing regular improvement. I tried to apply for Medicaid in California, but the online application says she's not eligible, although it won't tell me why. I'm going to call them up on Monday to see if I can speak with somebody about it. SlightlyMadman fucked around with this message at Mar 24, 2013 around 16:23 |
| # ? Mar 24, 2013 16:21 |
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martyrdumb posted:She's obviously not going to die in the gutter, this isn't Eastern Europe. She'd probably be better off in Eastern Europe, actually.
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| # ? Mar 24, 2013 16:41 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 06:16 |
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You should check on the status of your mom's mortgage if she has one once you get POA set up. DO NOT DO THIS BEFORE, as the bank won't talk to you. You will need to call them and get an authorized third party consent signed by your mom if she is still able to sign before you can speak to the bank about the status of any mortgages she as. You may need to contact the bank and discuss options with them, especially if she's been sick for a while. If you are named an heir and her house goes into foreclosure, it effects you too, so please keep this in mind.
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| # ? Mar 25, 2013 02:08 |
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