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Experto Crede
Aug 19, 2008

Keep on Truckin'



EW okayed it, but with the following rule in effect:

Eggplant Wizard posted:

Tell you what. Nevermind. Go ahead and make a new facebook idiots thread. We'll see how it goes. Anyone who starts to get argumentative about social issues or anime or whatever gets 3 days' probation for a first offense, a week for second, and a month for third.

Don't get all spergy and ranty, just post idiots from facebook mock how idiotic they are.

To anonymise your awful friends, use Social Fixer



I'll kick it off with my ex father-in-law's recent share:

Experto Crede fucked around with this message at Aug 4, 2013 around 12:11

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Old Dirty Cumburgs
Jan 15, 2011


Squaa~dah~lah~!
motherfuckers


Awesome, I missed this thread. All of my Facebook idiots came out of hiding after it closed, and there was no one to tell.



This... delightful person has an average of seven to ten exclamation points per post, and one-hundred percent of it is garbage.

Old Dirty Cumburgs fucked around with this message at Apr 10, 2013 around 22:23

Fascinator
Jan 2, 2011

The four stages of E/N posting.


Yay, I loved this thread! A contribution:



I can't figure out if the main status update is asking his friends on FB to date him, or asking them to help him find someone to date. Also, this dude likes to post pity-me statuses about how bitches ignore him because he doesn't have a car or any money, alternated with statuses about how he's going to forget about dating and he might even be asexual.

He is my favorite person on my Facebook.

Drunk & Ugly
Feb 9, 2003

GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR


OmniDesol posted:

Awesome, I missed this thread. All of my Facebook idiots came out of hiding after it closed, and there was no one to tell.



This... delightful person has an average of seven to ten exclamation points per post, and one-hundred percent of it is garbage.

I would be that excited if I could play RedRover and get paid for it too

Pope Mobile
Nov 12, 2006

I guess Jesus would ride a Harley.

Yay this thread is great.

After a long time of not having someone who constantly posts stupid poo poo, my brother made a Facebook account:

best friend massage
Sep 12, 2010


A friend of mine has posted a lot of dumb conservative images and other stuff on his facebook wall, but they're ones that had been floating around the old thread for a while, so I never posted them. Seeing as how this is a new thread, I decided to share some of the classics that my friend posts unironically.

~neighborly love~


Let's see how many AMERICANS will repost!!!!!........


Even if this is fake, this one always shows which gun owners have good trigger discipline and which ones don't.


He's studying to be a pharmacist (in fact, he'll be licensed within the year once he passes the boards), which explains part of why he shared it:

Old Dirty Cumburgs
Jan 15, 2011


Squaa~dah~lah~!
motherfuckers


Drunk & Ugly posted:

I would be that excited if I could play RedRover and get paid for it too
I don't think I would be that excited if I were on fire. That is an absurd amount of excitement for one human body.



I would like to note for the record that the only thing this person does five times harder than people who need government programs to survive is play World of Warcraft.

THE JORY
Jul 28, 2012




Just got this
"100% of people who die drink water. Its the water that is killing us, the government needs to ban water not guns."

senrath
Nov 3, 2009

Look Professor, a destruct switch!

THE JORY posted:

Just got this
"100% of people who die drink water. Its the water that is killing us, the government needs to ban water not guns."

What about the people who die of dehydration?

take_it_slow
Jul 7, 2011


senrath posted:

What about the people who die of dehydration?

Don't you mean... withdrawal?!

Linear Ouroboros
Mar 29, 2007
Sweet loving Ginger!

Different kind of facebook nonsense.

I noticed a while back that a friend had increasingly weird facebook posts. Some were just inane, some discussed him doing uncharacteristic activities. But whatever. People change. Then he posted about a pregnancy scare. In the first person.

After this went on a while, suddenly all those posts were gone and he sent out a private message to everyone. Turns out he had dated a girl who moved in after a short time. She got the password to his facebook, and when they broke up, she assumed his identity and changed his password. She didn't add friends or delete them, didn't let anyone on facebook know about the change. She also didn't take advantage of the situation to post embarrassing things as him. She just posted her normal, silly posts as him while he fought with facebook to get his identity back.

ninjahedgehog
Feb 17, 2011


Does anyone have a compilation/link to Titanic Guy? He was my favorite from the last thread.

Old Dirty Cumburgs
Jan 15, 2011


Squaa~dah~lah~!
motherfuckers




Now correct me if I'm wrong, but if your ribs are broken, I rather hope someone can see it. Hopefully, it's a medical professional.

Perry Normal
Jul 23, 2010

Humans disgust me. Vile creatures.


I missed this thread so much. I had to post this on Twitter.



Good thing no one asked for your sympathy or your lovely opinion. "You're complaining about that? But I have it so much worse!" is the most annoying attitude.

The conversation when I posted it on Twitter bore out this wonderful comparison.

"I had a miscarriage." "OH YEAH, WELL I DON'T EVEN HAVE A WOMB ANYMORE!!!!"

mng
Nov 18, 2006

I just performed testicle surgery on the reporter!

Eagerly awaiting Brits posting rants about Thatcher's death I only got a few posts about it, but it was either "Glad she's dead!" or "She was great!" No middle ground is allowed I guess.

d3c0y2
Sep 29, 2009


Has that Wonka picture been completely co-opted by Conservatives and Libertarians, the last time I saw one of them wasn't stupid must have been years ago.

Defenestration
Aug 10, 2006

This title certifies that Defenestration knows something about literature.



Spoiler alert: poster is white male

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.



d3c0y2 posted:

Has that Wonka picture been completely co-opted by Conservatives and Libertarians, the last time I saw one of them wasn't stupid must have been years ago.

I think the two just tend to go hand in hand since it tends to be used for expressing smug opinions and superior attitudes.

Andorra
Dec 12, 2012


d3c0y2 posted:

Has that Wonka picture been completely co-opted by Conservatives and Libertarians, the last time I saw one of them wasn't stupid must have been years ago.

The last time I saw one of those that wasn't stupid was... never, actually.





I don't understand what the red markings are for.

SpliffClavin
Jul 31, 2007

It's a little known fact that the term 'munchies' originated during the Irish Potato Famine.

Thanks for the new thread!

This put me over the edge and now I'm hiding most of his posts. Who quotes Margaret Thatcher? In America no less?

Only registered members can see post attachments!

DaisyDanger
Feb 19, 2007

Sorry, a system error occurred.


Konar
Dec 14, 2006




Here's the full text of this dumb poo poo:

quote:

LATEST CANCER INFORMATION
from Johns Hopkins

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY


1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.


11. An effective way to battle cancer is to STARVE the cancer cells by not feeding it with foods it needs to multiple.

What cancer cells feed on:

a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Note: Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.


b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk, cancer cells will starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes t o nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells.

To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water--best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines will become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor.

Anger, unforgiving and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

(PLEASE SHARE IT TO PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT)

Be healthy and don't eat meat and you won't get cancer ever

Edit: The worst part is no one ever seems to show any remorse after spreading misinformation and other crap like this after being sent a snopes link or what have you.

Pope Mobile
Nov 12, 2006

I guess Jesus would ride a Harley.

I had a friend post an obviously bullshit thing about microwaves once:

quote:

Here is a Science fair project presented by a girl in a secondary school in Sussex . In it she took filtered water and divided it into two parts. The first part she heated to boiling in a pan on the stove, and the second part she heated to ...boiling in a microwave. Then after cooling she used the water to water two identical plants to see if there would be any difference in the growth between the normal boiled water and the water boiled in a microwave. She was thinking that the structure or energy of the water may be compromised by microwave. As it turned out, even she was amazed at the difference, after the experiment which was repeated by her class mates a number of times and had the same result.

It has been known for some years that the problem with microwaved anything is not the radiation people used to worry about, it's how it corrupts the DNA in the food so the body can not recognize it.

Microwaves don't work different ways on different substances. Whatever you put into the microwave suffers the same destructive process. Microwaves agitate the molecules to move faster and faster. This movement causes friction which denatures the original make-up of the substance. It results in destroyed vitamins, minerals, proteins and generates the new stuff called radiolytic compounds, things that are not found in nature.

So the body wraps it in fat cells to protect itself from the dead food or it eliminates it fast. Think of all the Mothers heating up milk in these 'Safe' appliances. What about the nurse in Canada that warmed up blood for a transfusion patient and accidentally killed him when the blood went in dead. But the makers say it's safe. But proof is in the pictures of living plants dying!!!
It's painfully obvious this thing is BS, but I had to Snopes it for her: http://www.snopes.com/science/microwave/plants.asp
She actually thanked me for it.

My favorite phrase is "dead food".

Lumberjack Bonanza
Feb 27, 2011

I'LL CUT THAT POST TO PIECES!


Pope Mobile posted:

I had a friend post an obviously bullshit thing about microwaves once:

It's painfully obvious this thing is BS, but I had to Snopes it for her: http://www.snopes.com/science/microwave/plants.asp
She actually thanked me for it.

My favorite phrase is "dead food".

My favorite thing about stories like this is people trusting those who clearly are not experts in whatever they're talking about. It's like that cold remedy made by a teacher, and the people selling the remedy using that as some badge of honor. "Buy our medicine! It wasn't made by a medical professional!"

Desideratus
Oct 5, 2008

Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.



What in the hell is this.

Old Dirty Cumburgs
Jan 15, 2011


Squaa~dah~lah~!
motherfuckers


Desideratus posted:

What in the hell is this.



It is a slight glimpse into what Hell looks like. Imagine arguing with an Idiot on Facebook forever.



This is one out of no less than TEN GODDAMNED posts about Pokemon that my twenty-one year old former classmate posted in a row.

I'm starting to grasp why a lot of these people still have yet to graduate from our local community college after three to four years. I still have yet to solve how they ever made it that far.

Old Dirty Cumburgs fucked around with this message at Apr 11, 2013 around 22:43

Lumberjack Bonanza
Feb 27, 2011

I'LL CUT THAT POST TO PIECES!


OmniDesol posted:



This is one out of no less than TEN GODDAMNED posts that my twenty-one year old former classmate posted in a row.

I'm starting to grasp why a lot of these people still have yet to graduate from our local community college after three to four years. I still have yet to solve how they ever made it that far.

That cake looks delicious you monster.

Anyway, content.



I love me some STP, but this may go a bit far.

bpc908
Jan 27, 2013

Kacho of My own little gaming world


OmniDesol posted:

It is a slight glimpse into what Hell looks like. Imagine arguing with an Idiot on Facebook forever.



This is one out of no less than TEN GODDAMNED posts that my twenty-one year old former classmate posted in a row.

I'm starting to grasp why a lot of these people still have yet to graduate from our local community college after three to four years. I still have yet to solve how they ever made it that far.

you sir had no childhood

Desideratus
Oct 5, 2008

Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people.



Oh my god he's the gift that keeps on giving

A Fancy 400 lbs
Jul 23, 2008



Yup.


My friend today posted the most succinct summary of Facebook ever as a status:

Blind Pineapple
Oct 27, 2010


poo poo Bill Cosby didn't say 2: Now with more transparent racism

quote:

BILL HAS GONE AND DONE IT AGAIN...

They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.
I can't even talk the way these people talk: Why you ain't, Where you is, What he drive, Where he stay, Where he work, Who you be...
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal. These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.
$500 sneakers for what?

And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit. Where were you when he was 2? Where were you when he was 12? Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol?

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something?

Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body? What part of Africa did this come from??
We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa.

I say this all of the time. It would be like white people saying they are European-American. That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents. I don't have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England , Ireland , or the Netherlands . The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa . So stop, already! ! !
With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ......... And all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.
We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read. We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.
We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.
We cannot blame the white people any longer.'

Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed. D.

-----------
WELL SAID, BILL It's NOT about color...It's about behavior!!!

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011

Jozy loves scoring like a fat kid loves eating cake.


Blind Pineapple posted:

poo poo Bill Cosby didn't say 2: Now with more transparent racism

He actually did say that one.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/cosby.asp

GreenCard78
Apr 25, 2005

It's all in the game, yo.


Blind Pineapple posted:

poo poo Bill Cosby didn't say 2: Now with more transparent racism

Someone posted that recently for me so I went to snopes, not another one of these, right? Oh, he did say that.

Blind Pineapple
Oct 27, 2010



Wow, that's the definition of

It's like 100x worse than the one that got falsely attributed to him.

Phy
Jun 27, 2008

ZWAP ZWAP ZWAP


OmniDesol posted:

It is a slight glimpse into what Hell looks like. Imagine arguing with an Idiot on Facebook forever.



This is one out of no less than TEN GODDAMNED posts that my twenty-one year old former classmate posted in a row.

I'm starting to grasp why a lot of these people still have yet to graduate from our local community college after three to four years. I still have yet to solve how they ever made it that far.

It's tough to beat an exam by throwing your pet gerbil at it

spregalia
Apr 11, 2010

I like chocolate MIIIILK


Saw this one just now:

Gropiemon
Jan 16, 2009



Desideratus posted:

What in the hell is this.



Jeff is dumb, Donald is an enormous rear end in a top hat and Koko should find new friends.

SpazmasterX
Jul 13, 2006

Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~


Lumberjack Bonanza posted:

That cake looks delicious you monster.

That cake looks like it's mostly fondant, which sucks.

SaltLick
Oct 6, 2010



spregalia posted:

Saw this one just now:


Boy is that guy gonna feel silly once these immigration reforms go through.

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Lumberjack Bonanza
Feb 27, 2011

I'LL CUT THAT POST TO PIECES!


spregalia posted:

Saw this one just now:


Hope he never gets his guns stolen. He might reconsider if he's implicated in murder because he can't report the theft.

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