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Chickpea
Feb 26, 2013

by Y Kant Ozma Post


It all started 6 weeks ago yesterday...

On April 10th, 2013 I was at work, expecting a girl from our Toronto office to show up and whom I would train that day to perform some of my tasks. For those who care, I work in a buy-side investment firm. So at 10:30, the receptionists gave me a call and informed me that I had a guest waiting at the entrance. I told her to just show her in...

So in they walk into my office, receptionist and my new trainee. As I turned and looked in their direction my eyes widened as they met with those of this overly cute Asian girl. She greeted me with a smile which I politely returned and to which I added a friendly Hello. "Hi Steve, I'm Faerie" she said, "nice to meet you". What a pretty voice I thought.

Following the greetings I showed her to a chair, told her to make herself comfortable, offered to give her a tour of the office and introduce her to some people which she gladly accepted and finally when we got back to my office we started with the training. The atmosphere was a bit awkward at first and by that I mean that all discussions were very formal and work oriented. The training was going really well and she caught on fast. Eventually lunch time came around and as she didn't have a lunch with her and wasn't familiar with the city, I suggested to have lunch together and that I'd show her where to go. We ended up in a food court where she had a salad and I ate a roast beef sandwich. At this point conversation started getting more pleasant and we avoided discussing work and instead started to get to know each other more personally. Lunch was great and the company was great.

Back at the office she decided to freshen up a bit before we continued with the training. Among other things, she put on some lip balm and left the stick out on my desk which I decided to stare at for a sec and memorize the flavor...Chamomille (this will be important later dun dun dun). So we kept on with the training, but this time it was in a more friendly atmosphere. At one point I wanted to show her something and as I reached for the mouse I accidentally touched her hand. "Oh, sorry" I said, creating the most awkward situation... She thought nothing of it and we kept going. The day eventually came to an end and we were able to cover everything. She took a cab to the airport and returned to Toronto.

That night I received an e-mail: "Hey Steve, I think I forgot my lip balm on your desk. Do you mind checking?" So the next morning, Thursday, when I got in, I searched for it. Nothing. The lip balm was nowhere to be found. I replied to her e-mail and told her I couldn't find it. "Oh alright" she replied. We kept e-mailing back and forth a bit about training stuff and I answered some questions she had and that was it that day. I did not hear from her until Monday when she sent me an e-mail in the morning entitled "Le Blues du Lundi" This triggered an exchange of e-mails that, although the tone was more formal than anything, was incessant. We started talking about all sorts of things, weather, boston marathon tragedy, likes, dislikes etc... We became more and more comfortable and after two weeks of e-mailing at work we exchanged personal e-mails. We were now e-mailing each other at all times of day, everyday. I accused her of lying about the lip balm, but she swore it wasn't on purpose to trigger conversation.

Three weeks later, we had now been talking for about a month and were now texting/phoning (yay unlimited plans!), I brought up that I may head down to Toronto for the long weekend that was coming up. My intentions were that I would head on over and spend the weekend with a few friends but also, should she be interested, hang out with her. Faerie's answer was "It's my brother's birthday (this was true) over the weekend so I don't know if I'll have much time to spend with you, but I'll try and make some time!" That got me excited so I proceeded to call my buddy in Toronto and ask him if I could come visit and stay at his place over the long weekend. It turns out he had planned to come down to Montreal during that weekend. But once I explained the situation he forced his condo keys onto me and said "TAKE MY CONDO, TAKE IT NAO! Just, change the sheets and don't get my rug dirty (he had just gotten a new, hand woven rug from Turkey made from the hands of 8 year old slave children)" So I accepted... (what a bro) A couple days later, Faerie and I still talking non-stop every day morning to night, after I had confirmed that I had a place to stay, I brought up my Toronto trip to Faerie once again and explained that my friend wouldn't be there but that I'd like to spend time with her regardless. She told me that since the day I had mentioned that MAYBE i was coming, she had been planning things for us to do. Honestly at this point, the chemistry between us was incredible and we were both impatient to spend time together and were both anxious for the long weekend to arrive.

The big day finally arrived and I headed off for Toronto after purchasing two lip balm sticks identical to the one she had lost >:/

I left early Friday morning as we had agreed to spend Friday evening together and I would pick her up directly from work. I got to Toronto, picked her up from work and once we were sitting in the car, I showed her one of the lip balm sticks that I had purchased. The look on her face was priceless. It was something along the lines of holy poo poo, he actually had it all thid time but kept telling me he didn't and just used it against me to talk to me and get attention etc etc.. omfg what a fukn weirdo. I confessed i'd bought them ;3 We went to dinner and had a great time, the chemistry was getting insane, we then grabbed dessert chemistry gets even better, we end up parked outside her house, and well, all the craziness that you can possibly do in a car ensued. I ended up getting to my friends place the next morning at 10am... no sleep.

Saturday was her brother's bday, so she had to partake in that. I didn't see her but she was texting me all day/night. I decided to just go walk around the city that day as it was really nice out and I wanted to find some gifts to leave for my friend upon his return to thank him for the condo. Evening came around, I watched an entire season of shark tank, ate 2 big smoke burgers with onion rings and a coke and fell asleep to monotonetim (twitch.tv/monotonetim) beating the last scenario of the roller coaster tycoon expansion.

Sunday came around, she did brunch with her brother and friends and in the afternoon came to meet up with me. We hung out all afternoon, again grabbed dinner, drank bubble tea and finally ended up at my friends place. A beast was unleashed. Never in my mind did I ever imagine how wild a little Asian like that could be! I noticed her phone ringing quite often. I thought they were text messages at the time. She eventually put it on silent as to not be disturbed. Again no sleep til 10 am ish.

The next day, Monday, I eventually woke up and heard her talking on the phone. All those texts were from friends and her brother. She was almost crying, she was nervous and seemed scared... She came back next to me, cuddled and explained a few things about how screwed up her family was and I gave her some advice. Nothing too crazy, everyone can have family problems. She eventually left by herself saying that I shouldn't take her home, that it was potentially not safe. So I respected her decision, I didn't force anything on her, I just told her that if there was ANY PROBLEM, to call me...

So she left, almost crying, but this time because she knew I was headed back home. As I watched her walk away , cross the street and finally disappear behind the corner of a Quiznos restaurant, I just stood there, staring in her general direction, wondering when I would get to see her again. I gathered myself, went back up to the condo, showered, got dressed, headed out to grab some late lunch, got back home, cleaned up the place a little (she had done quite a bit already) and eventually packed up and headed down to the garage to hop into my car and go home.

I opened the trunk to dump my stuff and inside saw a little bag filled with tupperware... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... When I picked her up on Friday she had brought some Tupperware from work and had left it in my trunk... So I gave her a call, told her that I found the Tupperware and agreed to drop it off at her place. It was on the way anyway. I got to her place, handed her the Tupperware and then, since it was a gorgeous day, offered to go on a walk with her in her neighborhood which she accepted. After about an hour, we returned to my car and said our farewells again which conclude with a kiss...

( ok, here we go, get ready! )

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dude, (black hair, black t-shirt, black jeans, about 6 feet tall, half asian and with some decent biceps) marching towards me at a hostile pace. He didn't say anything, just some grunting and incomprehensible mumbling. He swung his fist at my face. I dodged. Got on my knees, grabbed him around the knees, performed a double leg take down and proceeded to get on top of him. He spat in my face, shoved his fingers in my eyes trying to gouge me screaming, ya how does that feel ey? (asian canadian born with the ey stereotype) how does that feel? When I felt his thumb pressing against my right eye's orbit I locked his arm and his neck with my right arm, confirmed the lock around his neck with my left arm and just started chocking the poo poo out of him. He started getting really red from all the resisting and panting... "WTF dude, who are you, wtf do you want? wtf are we fighting? Can we stop this poo poo and talk about this? wtf is wrong with you?" Is basically what I said. I had, however, already understood that he was the psycho ex boyfriend. He agreed to stop fighting... Faerie was next to me, urging us to stop. So I let him go...

He got up, dizzy from the lack of oxygen, but eventually found his footing. He decided to kick the side of my car... dented it a bit. Tried to punch the window with his bare fist... his fist bounced off and he stood there, puzzled trying to understand why he wasn't able to shatter it. He hit the side view mirror, failed to break it...Then walked off screaming, i'm gonna come back and stab you! Her brother is coming home and we're gonna stab you! I know people in Montreal and they're gonna STAB YOU! He disappeared around the street corner...

A few seconds later, he reappeared, chrome bar in hand (it looked like the shaft that you stick in a car jack) and started going for me. He got close to me and decided to throw the bar at me... I dodged... he backed off. At the same time Faerie's brother showed up in a car. The ex BF got in and they GTFOD. I called 911 as soon as I saw them leave, remembered the license plate as they drove by and told the agent about how I had just gotten assaulted that I was in danger etc... In my mind that guy was unpredictable and I did not want to take a chance. 10 minutes later they eventually came back. Cops still weren't here so I phoned up 911 again and made myself understood that this was serious. The ex bf walked towards me. He had calmed down a bit now. When he stood in front of me he explained how he had over reacted, told me that he'd pay for the car with insurance and that it was cool if Faerie was now my girl and that I should take really good care of her. He then gave me one of those bro slaps on the shoulder, you know like when you're proud of someone, and then presented me with his hand to shake to forgive and forget. My response was "who the gently caress are you? I still don't know you and you assaulted me, damaged my car and now you're "giving" me this girl? What rights do you have on her? wtf is wrong with you dude? I'm not loving shaking your hand, you're a loving lunatic."

He got a little irritated, showing that he was not sincere with any of his forgiveness BS at all. He never apologized either...

Cops finally showed up. Ten cars or so at the same time. Huge feeling of relief.

They asked about wtf was going on and I explained everything to them. They recommended that I press charges (assault with a deadly weapon), so that's what I did after asking them what that involved. I did not trust this guy to be remorseful about what he had just done nor did I want this ghim to repeat this stupidity with another girl. I ended up leaving a deposition, so did Faerie, they took pictures of my face which had a few scratches and bruises, of the damage on my car etc... and then they took the guy in. When they left, I looked at Faerie in the eyes and told her, "now that you've got me involved I'm gonna tell you what I think about your family and friends. Your brother doesn't give a poo poo about you, he's poison, your mom basically doesn't exist, she's poison, your friends stood by and agreed that your ex's assault was justified, they're poison. GTFO OF YOUR HOUSE NOW!" She apologized. I got in my car and drove home. Faerie was sending me text messages that I simply ignored or replied to with one word answers. I was irritated, but not mad. She was nervous, did not want to lose me, sending worried texts etc...

She let me know later that night that the cops had let the ex-bf out around 11 pm and that the court had issued a restraining order and that he couldn't get anywhere close to her until the court hearing occurs which will probably happen a year from now.

I got home to Montreal at around 12:30 am instead of my original plan to arrive by 8 or 9 and decided to call up my friends and tell them the story of my weekend. The general consensus was "wow dude, that story is amazing, we can't top this"

The next day, I was back at work and decided to talk to Faerie about what had just transpired. After work at around 5pm, I called her up and tried to clear things up. I told her how I felt about her and that even though I cared so much for her that I would not expose myself to such a dangerous situation. I asked her whether it made her sad that her own brother was against her and hated her even though his best friend had assaulted me and could have potentially hurt her, that her own mother called her a stupid bitch and accused me of conspiring against the ex bf to get him trouble. She told me how she felt about me. I clarified that I could not or thought it not wise, to be together if her situation did not change. She agreed to what I said and explained that she would be moving out but that it wasn't something she could do over night because of money issues and that it was her only family etc...

We're together now, the bond is stronger than it was before, but I still have my doubts on whether I should stay with her or not. I care for her a lot. I have never felt this comfortable and never been this happy with any girl before including with my ex whom I had a 3 year relationship with. Should I sever right away, minimize the pain caused by attachment... Should I give it a chance and see where it goes? Her family and her Asian clique hate me for no reason, I can never get along with them.

Thank you for your advice. Sorry about the length.

TL;DR;
Boy meets girl. They very much like each other. Ex bf pops out of the bushes and attempts assault. Boy wins and presses charges against psycho bf. Boy doesn't know how to proceed with girl...

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Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.


Maybe they hate you cuz you're kinda weird and racist.

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

Hey Vancouver, bet you can't win just one!


Her brother helped orchestrate this thing on you after you barely even know her and you're considering staying...????

Gropiemon
Jan 16, 2009



Asians be crazy guys! So you get assaulted by someone "close" to a girl on your first date/weekend thing and you're wondering if you should stick around for more?

furiouskoala
Aug 4, 2007


Sounds like you treated her very inappropriately and took advantage of your professional position to influence her romantically.

Safe and Secure!
Jun 14, 2008

OFFICIAL SA THREAD RUINER
SPRING 2013


You should have pulled out your hanzo steel. Women love hanzo steel.

Gropiemon
Jan 16, 2009



Safe and Secure! posted:

You should have pulled out your hanzo steel. Women love hanzo steel.

Especially Asian women.

hate pants
Jul 17, 2012

FUCK PANTS 4 LYFE

Chickpea posted:


( ok, here we go, get ready! )

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dude, (black hair, black t-shirt, black jeans, about 6 feet tall, half asian and with some decent biceps) marching towards me at a hostile pace. He didn't say anything, just some grunting and incomprehensible mumbling. He swung his fist at my face. I dodged. Got on my knees, grabbed him around the knees, performed a double leg take down and proceeded to get on top of him. He spat in my face, shoved his fingers in my eyes trying to gouge me screaming, ya how does that feel ey? (asian canadian born with the ey stereotype) how does that feel? When I felt his thumb pressing against my right eye's orbit I locked his arm and his neck with my right arm, confirmed the lock around his neck with my left arm and just started chocking the poo poo out of him. He started getting really red from all the resisting and panting... "WTF dude, who are you, wtf do you want? wtf are we fighting? Can we stop this poo poo and talk about this? wtf is wrong with you?" Is basically what I said. I had, however, already understood that he was the psycho ex boyfriend. He agreed to stop fighting... Faerie was next to me, urging us to stop. So I let him go...

Oh hell yeah you karate rear end motherfucker, gently caress you beat the HELL out of that dude, drat you loving badass I mean jeez stay out of your way when you're pissed you loving Bruce Lee kickass kung fu motherfucker you.

I mean drat that's like an action movie and everything!

NewtGoongrich
Jan 21, 2012
I am a shit stain on the face of humanity, I have no compassion, only hatred, bile and lust.

PROUD SHIT STAIN


hate pants posted:

Oh hell yeah you karate rear end motherfucker, gently caress you beat the HELL out of that dude, drat you loving badass I mean jeez stay out of your way when you're pissed you loving Bruce Lee kickass kung fu motherfucker you.

I mean drat that's like an action movie and everything!

He defeated a half Asian in hand to hand combat. That's saying something since half Asians are better at martial arts and stronger than full Asians (source: In Dragon Ball Z half Saiyans are more powerful than full Saiyans).

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.


NewtGoongrich posted:

He defeated a half Asian in hand to hand combat. That's saying something since half Asians are better at martial arts and stronger than full Asians (source: In Dragon Ball Z half Saiyans are more powerful than full Saiyans).

I think it depends on the other half as well. If he was half gypsy then even in victory he'll have to worry about the inevitable curse.

Cichlid the Loach
Oct 22, 2006

Brave heart, Doctor.


Please list your psychiatric diagnoses so I know where the gently caress to begin with this story.

E: Chemistry!

Pope Mobile
Nov 12, 2006

I guess Jesus would ride a Harley.

You're a loving weirdo.

Chickpea
Feb 26, 2013

by Y Kant Ozma Post


THE MACHO MAN posted:

Her brother helped orchestrate this thing on you after you barely even know her and you're considering staying...????

Her brother is a loving retard and has problems of his own. She's a great girl. The reason I'm considering staying is because it feels great being with her... I feel there's something there... I don't expect her to abandon her family, but realize that she's in an unhealthy situation, move the gently caress out and then we could work it out between us.

I already know the brother hates me even though we never met, same with mother, same with friends...It would be really weird on that level. Like can't see her mom, can't talk to brother...no contact with any of her family lol

so ya... sorry jumbled up thoughts...

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

NewtGoongrich posted:

He defeated a half Asian in hand to hand combat. That's saying something since half Asians are better at martial arts and stronger than full Asians (source: In Dragon Ball Z half Saiyans are more powerful than full Saiyans).
I am half asian and can confirm this. Don't cross me, goons. You wouldn't like me when I'm...hungry.

Jewel Repetition
Dec 24, 2012



Could someone summarize the OP?

particle409
Jan 15, 2008

Thou bootless clapper-clawed varlot!


Might as well stick it out a bit, you've already dealt with the most violent and confrontational part.

furiouskoala posted:

Sounds like you treated her very inappropriately and took advantage of your professional position to influence her romantically.

Yeah, don't let anybody at work know about this relationship. Other than that, and all the other stuff, it sounds like this relationship is going places. Anyways, I thought this was going to be about chasing gay guys in the Castro District of NY.

hate pants
Jul 17, 2012

FUCK PANTS 4 LYFE

The OP has delusional fantasies about saving some girl he met from her weird family of racist stereotypes and the ex boyfriend from an 80s teen movie and having her move away with him into the Wild Goon Regions of Canada where WWII propaganda posters will be able to terrorize them no longer.

Chickpea
Feb 26, 2013

by Y Kant Ozma Post


particle409 posted:

Might as well stick it out a bit, you've already dealt with the most violent and confrontational part.


Yeah, don't let anybody at work know about this relationship. Other than that, and all the other stuff, it sounds like this relationship is going places.

I didn't take advantage of my position at all lol, just clarifying... This is all legitimate. She thought I was a douche, then we realized we were both nerds, and it just clicked...

Wonder Bra
Jan 4, 2008

always in another castle


Cool story, bro.

Eta: you're creepy, she's a poo poo show, it's long distance. Give up now.

Arian_Samurai
Jan 21, 2004

third place is still pretty damn good

You defeated her ex boyfriend in combat so the next step is to fight her brother, then father

Parity warning
Nov 1, 2009


Jewel Repetition posted:

Could someone summarize the OP?

The OP eats some fast food. People disappear around corners of fast food restaurants. Then they come back. It's riveting.

t3h z0r
May 7, 2008



Jewel Repetition posted:

Could someone summarize the OP?


Chickpea posted:

overly cute Asian girl

What a pretty voice I thought.

I accidentally touched her hand. "Oh, sorry" I said, creating the most awkward situation...

"TAKE IT NAO!"

omfg what a fukn weirdo. I confessed i'd bought them ;3

Never in my mind did I ever imagine how wild a little Asian like that could be!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Got on my knees, grabbed him around the knees, performed a double leg take down

Faerie was next to me, urging us to stop. So I let him go...

LLJKSiLk
Jul 7, 2005

We don't need a crystal ball to see the future. Roll Tide.

Seems like a normal relationship. You have my seal of approval.

Gilok
Jun 15, 2007

Seriously, what the fuck.



Chickpea posted:

I didn't take advantage of my position at all lol, just clarifying... This is all legitimate. She thought I was a douche, then we realized we were both nerds, and it just clicked...

Nah she was right the first time I'm pretty sure.

t3h z0r
May 7, 2008



Grats on living the Anime Reality, OP

Twilight Matrix
Jul 6, 2008



Are you really going to run away after one fight!? This guy will come back with a posse next time and if you win that fight you will definitely get some freaky Asian sex or something

Digital Osmosis
Nov 10, 2002

Smile, Citizen! Happiness is Mandatory.

I'm going to give you the usual two rounds of E/N advice, in an exciting choose-your-own-adventure style answer!

If you are aware of all the bullshit you just wrote... Find a hobby, hopefully something with groups. Maybe start exercising, it builds self-esteem and decreases anxiety. Find a full-time job if you don't have one. Basically, do things that you genuinely think are cool, but also put yourself out there. When you're relatively happy with who you are, you might want to think about dating. Either look into girls you met from various hobbies, or friends of friends or co-workers, or just start mentioning to your friends that you're looking and hope someone will set you up. Remember - get yourself stable, then get yourself happy, then get yourself interesting, then get yourself in a relationship.

If you think you just wrote a long, rambling, poorly-written but true story... You need therapy. A lot of it. Not just because you're probably wildly delusional, although you are, but because even if any of the above was actually true your attitudes and methods of representing it are hilariously and dangerously out of step with reality. Go to a bunch of therapists until you find one you're comfortable with. Stick with it. Try mindfulness or CBT.

Either way goon luck!

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


Heh, I wonder if she was still dating that guy when she started putting the moves on you. I bet she was.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Dec 28, 2007

Kiss this and hang



Seems A OK to me. Don't change a thing! Enjoy your asian wild cat.



Edit: excuse me. Your Canadian Asian wild cat. ey.

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

i just want your sufferings ~ your bloods and fluid ~ your stupid fucking tiny skeleton ~

I really enjoyed reading the specifics of each meal involved in this story but kind of tuned the rest of it out. Good luck with all of your endeavors, OP.

Gropiemon
Jan 16, 2009



I personally don't think of any date as successful until I've passed someone's guard.

Breetai
Nov 6, 2005

Mah spoon is too big!


Jewel Repetition posted:

Could someone summarize the OP?

"There ain't no poo poo that didn't happen like this poo poo didn't happen."


This was about as believable and coherent as your average ragecomic and reads like an entry on r/nolongerforeveralone

t3h z0r
May 7, 2008



Kiss Kiss Bang Bang posted:

Edit: excuse me. Your Canadian Asian wild cat. ey.
Excuse me? She is clearly tsundere...

Get it straight, or you will live to regret it.

*brushes trenchcoat to side and strikes what all my friends agreed was a cool pose*

kdrudy
Sep 19, 2009



One evil ex down, should be six more on the way. I think the next one will be able to skateboard.

Pepsi-Tan
Dec 31, 2007
Now, more then ever.

Half of this is shitthatdidn'thappen.txt and the other half is creepy stupid 16 year old livejournal poo poo. I don't even know where my toes should be dipped.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Dec 28, 2007

Kiss this and hang



Pepsi-Tan posted:

Half of this is shitthatdidn'thappen.txt and the other half is creepy stupid 16 year old livejournal poo poo. I don't even know where my toes should be dipped.

In chamomile chap-stick

Pepsi-Tan
Dec 31, 2007
Now, more then ever.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang posted:

In chamomile chap-stick

;3 I revealed I bought it
good thing, she was thinking "omg fukn weirdo"

Corn Thongs
Feb 13, 2004


Lesson learned: if you're Asian, never date a weeaboo with yellow fever.

Obdicut
May 15, 2012

I'm Obdicut! You'll go where I go, defile what I defile, eat who I eat!

This story made me angry, and then bored, and then angry again, but the boredom stayed.

OP this reads like a cry for help, but one phrased so creepily it doesn't inspire me to try to help you in the least.

Go get a hobby.

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Pope Mobile
Nov 12, 2006

I guess Jesus would ride a Harley.


He asked for a TL;DR, not a fanfic synopsis.

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