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Parachute333
May 23, 2013


I'm writing this from a parachute account because I know I've hosed up, and some of the circumstances make me sound even worse than I feel about these things. I'm a 20 year old guy and I have never been in a romantic relationship of any kind. I don't have problems talking to women as friends and colleagues, but I am completely stupid about the kinds of symbols and expectations in relationships.

I was at a recent youth convention where lots of people wound up sleeping 6 to a bed because of a space shortage. There was a 15-year-old girl lying next to me in this bed and trying, completely obviously in retrospect, to get me to kiss her. I knew how inappropriate this was and it freaked me out, but I just sat there quietly and backed up slightly whenever she moved in. With so many people around, I didn't want to cause any kind of scene so I was left awkwardly hoping she meant all this in a platonic way, while she became increasingly forward. After something like a half hour of her trying to get me to kiss her, she leaned in and kissed me, I just said "Don't do that." "What?" "Kissing me. It's not..." It's the kind of situation that I'm totally inept in. Afterwards I apologized for not telling her earlier to back off, and she apologized for being too forward, but really this situation could have been solved if I wasn't so inexperienced with all kinds of romance. My problem is that I'm evidently socially retarded and ignored all kinds of obvious signals, while also being too shy to bring up how uncomfortable the situation made me.

Here's another example, kind of the opposite direction. I asked out a single friend of mine a few weeks after we meet. She said she just wanted to remain friends, and I was fine with that. We didn't see each other much for a week or so after that, but I knew she was busy with exams so I didn't worry about it, and she did seem happy to see me at one point just after her exams. After this she seemed to be avoiding me actively and ignoring me whenever I tried to talk to her. I figured I drove her away by asking her out, and backed off, so now we haven't spoken in months. I felt really hurt to lose a friend like this, and I feel like there's no point asking someone out if there's this much of a risk of losing her as a friend. I want to contact her to apologize but also get the sense that she doesn't want to talk to me at all.

I'm just telling these feelings and such to E/N because I really have no clue how to go about fixing them. Is there some kind of resource that talks about being better at handling this? Is there more I should do to try and apologize to the people I hurt through my own stupidity?

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Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



Why are you hanging out with 15 year old girls?

MassaShowtime
Aug 16, 2012

Saviour, thy name is Knuckle


Parachute333 posted:

I'm just telling these feelings and such to E/N because I really have no clue how to go about fixing them. Is there some kind of resource that talks about being better at handling this?

You graduate high school.

spunkshui
Oct 5, 2011



Hang out with women your own age.

Start loving those women.

Undead Unicorn
Sep 14, 2010

by Lowtax


Why were you at a youth convention?

Benny Harvey
Nov 24, 2012


Lying next to a 15-year old girl is inappropriate in itself. Iím not saying that there was any sort of intent on your part but really the problem here isnít being romantically inexperienced, itís that you werenít able to recognise this as inappropriate before you got into bed. Iím curious: what sort of youth convention was this that they were so badly organized that you had to sleep 6 to a bed? Iím guessing it was a religious convention run by really naÔve people.

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


Undead Unicorn posted:

Why were you at a youth convention?

The age range being 14-20.

Benny Harvey posted:

I’m curious: what sort of youth convention was this that they were so badly organized that you had to sleep 6 to a bed? I’m guessing it was a religious convention run by really naÔve people.

Your guess is right.

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Are you autistic? Serious question, not trying to be rude.

Bardeh
Dec 2, 2004
DON'T POST SHITTY THREADS IN SH/SC

Yeah, putting yourself in that situation in the first place is pretty hosed up. 6 to a bed is one thing, 6 teenagers of different sexes is quite another. 20 year old men in bed with 15 year old girls?? What were the organisers thinking?

e: The proper thing to do in that situation would be to insist that you sleep somewhere else. Even if there was a space shortage or whatever, just roll up your jacket for a pillow and sleep on the floor. Also don't continue to just lie there when children are trying to kiss you in that way.

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


Hummingbirds posted:

Are you autistic? Serious question, not trying to be rude.

Yes, I have Asperger's syndrome. Should have mentioned that in the OP.

Bardeh posted:

Yeah, putting yourself in that situation in the first place is pretty hosed up. 6 to a bed is one thing, 6 teenagers of different sexes is quite another. 20 year old men in bed with 15 year old girls?? What were the organisers thinking?

Like I said in the OP, the circumstances make it sound worse than it was. The organizers have handled it this way for years, hasn't caused problems before. It didn't seem out of the ordinary at all to anyone to have a bunch of people pile onto one giant mattress.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Ahaha, who the gently caress organizes a co-ed "youth convention" of 14-20-year-olds and has them all thrown into rooms where they sleep 6 to a bed?

This is like the plot line of a crappy hentai.

Edit: you should have just made out with her you dickless bitch.

312
Nov 7, 2012
I give terrible advice in E/N and post nothing worth anybody's time.

i might be a social cripple irl


Parachute333 posted:


Like I said in the OP, the circumstances make it sound worse than it was. The organizers have handled it this way for years, hasn't caused problems before. It didn't seem out of the ordinary at all to anyone to have a bunch of people pile onto one giant mattress.

Do you belong to the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints or something? What the hell. Even ignoring the sleeping situation that's a really bizarre age range to put together.

Bruegels Fuckbooks
Sep 14, 2004

i keep my word and i will kill you like i said
killing me? thats impossible for anyone


Parachute333 posted:

I'm just telling these feelings and such to E/N because I really have no clue how to go about fixing them. Is there some kind of resource that talks about being better at handling this? Is there more I should do to try and apologize to the people I hurt through my own stupidity?

this situation is hosed up but the golden rule is be authentic. if you want to get your freak on, get your freak on. if you don't, then don't. make a decision, stick with it, and live with it. if you don't, then do, or do, then don't, then you aren't authentic and end up posting on internet forums about your lack of authenticity.

Red_Mage
Jul 23, 2007
I SHOULD BE FUCKING PERMABANNED BUT IN THE MEANTIME ASK ME ABOUT MY FAILED KICKSTARTER AND RUNNING OFF WITH THE MONEY


hieronymus posted:

this situation is hosed up but the golden rule is be authentic. if you want to get your freak on, get your freak on. if you don't, then don't. make a decision, stick with it, and live with it. if you don't, then do, or do, then don't, then you aren't authentic and end up posting on internet forums about your lack of authenticity.

I disagree. OP don't gently caress or try to gently caress 15 year olds.

Seriously who the gently caress goes "welp not enough beds, shack up I am sure nothing will go wrong".

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


hieronymus posted:

this situation is hosed up but the golden rule is be authentic. if you want to get your freak on, get your freak on. if you don't, then don't. make a decision, stick with it, and live with it. if you don't, then do, or do, then don't, then you aren't authentic and end up posting on internet forums about your lack of authenticity.

That sounds good. In the first story, the one everyone's posted about so far, I should have immediately pointed out that the situation wasn't appropriate and ended it. In the second story, my attempt to be authentic and ask out my classmate cost me a friend. One of our mutual friends said she was just unreasonable and I shouldn't worry about it, but the nasty outcome still leaves me with a lot of doubt about whether I approached everything the right way.

text editor
Jan 8, 2007



Parachute333 posted:

Like I said in the OP, the circumstances make it sound worse than it was. The organizers have handled it this way for years, hasn't caused problems before. It didn't seem out of the ordinary at all to anyone to have a bunch of people pile onto one giant mattress.

The organizers are probably pedophiles (and have been this way for years)

Coolness Averted
Feb 20, 2007

Stole? Made up? What's the Difference?

Benny Harvey posted:

Lying next to a 15-year old girl is inappropriate in itself. Iím not saying that there was any sort of intent on your part but really the problem here isnít being romantically inexperienced, itís that you werenít able to recognise this as inappropriate before you got into bed. Iím curious: what sort of youth convention was this that they were so badly organized that you had to sleep 6 to a bed? Iím guessing it was a religious convention run by really naÔve people.

Speech and debate? I remember frequently sleeping 2-3 to a bed and that was from a decently funded team.

Can you clarify a bit OP, I mean it's hard to tell if your problem is "I don't know how to act on what I want" or "I'm so drat oblivious I walked into a situation I should never have been in!"

A combination? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that this was poorly worded and paired two very unrelated things together.

I'm gonna skip the youth group thing until we've got a bit more info, since depending on your problem I have two very different bits of advice.


Some of the gauging interest thing is gonna just come with experience dealing with people. I'd suggest being honest too, I mean just letting people know that you're completely oblivious to when flirting is genuine or just for fun, and maybe just assume that unless you've met through a friend suggesting you date or okcupid or whatever that things are platonic.

edit: Things moved quite a bit while I was responding. Uh anyway, yeah kids are kids. Don't put yourself in those situations and really don't think about them as anything else. Especially late teens, they may look and act a bit more like an adult on the surface but they're even more vulnerable.

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


Coolness Averted posted:

Speech and debate? I remember frequently sleeping 2-3 to a bed and that was from a decently funded team.

Can you clarify a bit OP, I mean it's hard to tell if your problem is "I don't know how to act on what I want" or "I'm so drat oblivious I walked into a situation I should never have been in!"

A combination? I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that this was poorly worded and paired two very unrelated things together.

I'm gonna skip the youth group thing until we've got a bit more info, since depending on your problem I have two very different bits of advice.


Some of the gauging interest thing is gonna just come with experience dealing with people. I'd suggest being honest too, I mean just letting people know that you're completely oblivious to when flirting is genuine or just for fun, and maybe just assume that unless you've met through a friend suggesting you date or okcupid or whatever that things are platonic.

Yeah, I think I've made a mistake putting two unrelated things into one topic. One is a sort of general problem I've had, the other was a very specific and uncomfortable situation that happened recently. My problem in the youth group story is that I was too oblivious and shy to avoid causing problems in that situation.

edit: I suppose they're somewhat related because they both involve my constant difficulty reading body language. In the youth group it was obvious this younger girl was flirting with me, but I assumed she'd also be uncomfortable with the age gap, so I must be misreading her intentions, and that bringing it up would cause more problems. In the second story I had problems with not realizing my classmate only wanted to remain friends, and that asking her out made her quite uncomfortable. Afterwards I felt like there were a lot of mixed messages where she said she wanted to stay friends, but her behaviour indicated that she didn't want to see me at all anymore.

Coolness Averted
Feb 20, 2007

Stole? Made up? What's the Difference?

Parachute333 posted:

Yeah, I think I've made a mistake putting two unrelated things into one topic. One is a sort of general problem I've had, the other was a very specific and uncomfortable situation that happened recently. My problem in the youth group story is that I was too oblivious and shy to avoid causing problems in that situation.

Yeah, with youth stuff the biggest thing really is "Make sure to just avoid situations like this," it's especially tricky when you're a younger adult who could very easily be perceived as "one of us" rather than more of a supervisor.

With the whole "Does asking someone out ruin a friendship?" Eh, it can just like if you dated and it didn't work out can ruin things. Them's the breaks.
Frustratingly enough, people all react differently based on their past and if you're laying anything on too thick. I wouldn't go out of my way to apologize profusely just make sure you're never friends with someone as a way of settling.


Yeah, another tricky thing with people is we often will say what's more socially acceptable or try to let someone down more gently. I'd just say as a rule of thumb assume the best of intentions, and take them at their word until you see reason not to.
From how you described the second scenario it sounds like you did things right. Sometimes stuff just doesn't work out.

Oh one quick thing, with the take things at face value if someone ever says they're "Not looking for/interested in dating right now," always drop the subject. Take it as a solid "no" instead of a "no but.."

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


Coolness Averted posted:

Yeah, with youth stuff the biggest thing really is "Make sure to just avoid situations like this," it's especially tricky when you're a younger adult who could very easily be perceived as "one of us" rather than more of a supervisor.

Yeah. We'd been in some of the same activities but hadn't talked much until that night. I assumed she also wouldn't be after romance because of the age gap, and my inexperience had me blind to the obvious signs.

quote:

With the whole "Does asking someone out ruin a friendship?" Eh, it can just like if you dated and it didn't work out can ruin things. Them's the breaks.
Frustratingly enough, people all react differently based on their past and if you're laying anything on too thick. I wouldn't go out of my way to apologize profusely just make sure you're never friends with someone as a way of settling.

Yeah, another tricky thing with people is we often will say what's more socially acceptable or try to let someone down more gently. I'd just say as a rule of thumb assume the best of intentions, and take them at their word until you see reason not to.
From how you described the second scenario it sounds like you did things right. Sometimes stuff just doesn't work out.

Oh one quick thing, with the take things at face value if someone ever says they're "Not looking for/interested in dating right now," always drop the subject. Take it as a solid "no" instead of a "no but.."

Thanks. This is all stuff that makes sense, but none of it comes easily to me.

Warrahooyaargh
Sep 15, 2007
Oh the mundanity

Parachute333 posted:

Yeah. We'd been in some of the same activities but hadn't talked much until that night. I assumed she also wouldn't be after romance because of the age gap, and my inexperience had me blind to the obvious signs.


Thanks. This is all stuff that makes sense, but none of it comes easily to me.

It's not just that she might be uncomfortable with the age gap - it's that she's underage if she was trying to get something sexual going. You could have got into a world of trouble if you had responded in kind.

So yeah, in future don't get into a bed with young girls, even if it seems like an event where everyone's just mucking in together and making do.

On the asking your friend out thing, I don't think you did anything wrong. It's not a crime to ask someone out and if she wants to avoid you now then that's her problem. Forget it and move on, try asking someone else out. In fact, try asking people out before you have any romantic interest in them at all, that way it's less nerve-wracking and you'll get some practice.

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


Warrahooyaargh posted:

It's not just that she might be uncomfortable with the age gap - it's that she's underage if she was trying to get something sexual going. You could have got into a world of trouble if you had responded in kind.

Yeah this. If anyone else had noticed what was going on you could have been one misunderstanding away from being brought up on serious charges. There's nothing inherently wrong with platonically sharing a bed, but in an unfamiliar situation, with unfamiliar people, with an underage girl, its more important to consider how it might look to other people rather than how to properly show you're not interested.

If you erase all the above weirdness from the situation and just put you in a bed with a lady you're not interested in, its not like you did anything terribly wrong. Your lack of response should have been a reasonable clue you weren't into it, and if that isn't clear enough just turn your back or move away from her. If it persists, don't be afraid to say 'Thanks, but I'm not interested'. The difficulty here was probably just as much her inexperience as yours.

In the other scenario, there's nothing wrong with asking out a friend, but there are good and bad ways to do it. How did you ask her out? Did other people know? Did she seem uncomfortable? It may be just as much your approach as your inability to read her reaction.

juliuspringle
Jul 7, 2007

I think the prison rape of teenagers is hilarious. I'm basically a human shaped lump of shit, please remind me of this at every opportunity.

My general rule is if I can stick my arm out and touch you you're too loving close. Or in this case, if you're 20 sleeping in bed with 5 other people and at least one of them is a 15yr old girl sleep in the loving bathroom or the hall or some poo poo. If they get mad just explain you're not a diddler.

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010


Parachute333 posted:

Like I said in the OP, the circumstances make it sound worse than it was. The organizers have handled it this way for years, hasn't caused problems before. It didn't seem out of the ordinary at all to anyone to have a bunch of people pile onto one giant mattress.

Stop, dodging the question, what sort of youth convention was this? Also 20 is too old to be attending youth conventions of any sort.

As for the second girl, you asked her two weeks after you met her; you couldn't have been very close as friends at that point. It's been a few months and you are still feeling bad and unable to let it go, why is that?

Also "I like you as a friend" can mean the person doesn't want to date but wants to stay friends, but it often means the person doesn't want to date and never wants to talk to you again. Just like you had problems letting that 15-year-old know you weren't interested, everyone has trouble rejecting others, and "let's just be friends" is a gentle way of turning someone down.

DOTA Uninstaller
Jul 13, 2005
Causing indigestion the world over.


Stop hanging out in this youth group. At your age, are you acting as a sponsor? If so, getting into a bed with 6 kids is completely inappropriate, and the organizers are completely hosed in the head for not planning poo poo better. Quit now before you're associated with a youth pastor who's also in bed with six girls and NOT restraining himself. I was a youth sponsorin my early 20s, and I assure you that the sponsors sleeping in the same bed IS unusual and creepy as gently caress. If they've been doing it this way for years, run, don't walk.
If you're not acting as sponsor, why the gently caress are you in a youth group with high school kids? Go join a D&D group and throw nerf balls at each other in the park or something.

Kudos for putting her down gently though. Now go hang out with people your age.

Garfie
Jan 4, 2005
I emplore you to reconsider

Honestly it doesn't seem like you're doing too much wrong based on these two stories. Better luck in the future.

Mattavist
May 24, 2003



little munchkin posted:

Stop, dodging the question, what sort of youth convention was this? Also 20 is too old to be attending youth conventions of any sort.

I know reading is hard, but he answered this.

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


It sounds like you did okay to me, OP. Just practice more and don't let failure stick in your head too much. Once you do find someone who you click with, it won't seem as important.

Also, you might want to speak in confidence to one of the group leaders and explain how uncomfortable the situation was that you were in. The response you get may shed some insight on the situation, and you can then tell us what happened so we can probably all collectively say "ew."

Not a lot you can do about the church thing other than distance yourself from the events. How long until you turn 21?

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010


Mattavist posted:

I know reading is hard, but he answered this.

He keeps calling it a "youth group", which I assume is some religious thing, but it's still pretty vague. I had to go to a bunch of those things as a kid, and that age range and the co-ed sleeping arrangements are huge red flags.

If it is a religious thing, then it's probably not a good idea for a guy with aspergers trying to learn proper social behavior to be part of a weirdo christian splinter group with no sense of boundaries.

Vomik
Jul 29, 2003

Melting.


little munchkin posted:

He keeps calling it a "youth group", which I assume is some religious thing, but it's still pretty vague. I had to go to a bunch of those things as a kid, and that age range and the co-ed sleeping arrangements are huge red flags.

If it is a religious thing, then it's probably not a good idea for a guy with aspergers trying to learn proper social behavior to be part of a weirdo christian splinter group with no sense of boundaries.

It's literally in his second post in the thread

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010


Vomik posted:

It's literally in his second post in the thread

Oh my bad. I'm dumb and he did confirm someone's guess that it was a religious thing.

That's still pretty vague though, and doesn't really explain the situation. Maybe it's a mainstream denomination and a few misguided people running the convention, or maybe Parachute333's parents are Jehovah's Witnesses and he has trouble getting by in the real world because he was raised in a culture separated from reality.

Khorne
May 1, 2002
Ask me about the Lina meta 7 years ago.

If you ask a friend or acquaintance out there's a pretty good chance that things will go south afterward if they aren't mutually interested. Even if you play it off smooth-like. It really depends on the person. Generally, the less social someone is the higher the chance this will happen.

Most people wouldn't put themselves in the bed situation to begin with so there's no real right or wrong way to go about things there. You kind of avoided saying whether you wanted to kiss or her not, and instead focused on doing the "right" thing.

General Panic
Jan 28, 2012
AN ERORIST AGENT


As far as I understand it, being clueless about boundaries and body language is part of what Aspergers/autism is all about, so really the answer to "how do I deal with it?" is the answer to "how do I live with this condition?" And the people who know about that best are either health care professionals or other people with Aspergers, so you may need to look for medical advice of some kind or a self-help group if there's one available.

There have been a couple of threads on the general subject of autism recently in the Ask/Tell forum, so you could also check those out for anything useful, but overall this may be too big an issue for random goons to deal with.

On the specific incidents, this youth group sounds a mess that's just asking to get hit by lawsuits/the cops a few years down the line when someone actually has sex with an underage person. At the very least, I wouldn't go away to any more conventions with them. On the positive side, you basically did the right thing. Most people will make allowances for you being socially awkward; they won't make allowances for you having sex with teenagers.

The friend you asked out is the sort of thing that happens to non-autistic people as well. It's unfortunate, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


jabby posted:

In the other scenario, there's nothing wrong with asking out a friend, but there are good and bad ways to do it. How did you ask her out? Did other people know? Did she seem uncomfortable? It may be just as much your approach as your inability to read her reaction.

I asked her out when we were walking between classes, no one was listening on the conversation but there were people around. I said something like "I know you're single, you're a great friend and you're beautiful, want to go out?" She seemed very surprised, said she'd give me an answer tomorrow, and we kept talking until she went to class. The next day she sat at the back of the class, texted me to say we should just be friends, and tended to avoid me whenever I went up to say hi.

little munchkin posted:

As for the second girl, you asked her two weeks after you met her; you couldn't have been very close as friends at that point. It's been a few months and you are still feeling bad and unable to let it go, why is that?

We were talking to each other for at least an hour every day, and getting along very well. She's an interesting and compassionate person to talk to and I'm genuinely sad to have lost her as just a friend.

Spicy Chili posted:

Stop hanging out in this youth group. At your age, are you acting as a sponsor? If so, getting into a bed with 6 kids is completely inappropriate, and the organizers are completely hosed in the head for not planning poo poo better. Quit now before you're associated with a youth pastor who's also in bed with six girls and NOT restraining himself. I was a youth sponsorin my early 20s, and I assure you that the sponsors sleeping in the same bed IS unusual and creepy as gently caress. If they've been doing it this way for years, run, don't walk.
If you're not acting as sponsor, why the gently caress are you in a youth group with high school kids?

The group is for ages 14-20. The sponsors are all 25 and up and definitely don't have the same kind of contact with the youth. I like the youth group, and it includes people from all over the age range, so I'm not going to just quit the group and substitute some kind of non-religious group.

little munchkin posted:

That's still pretty vague though, and doesn't really explain the situation. Maybe it's a mainstream denomination and a few misguided people running the convention, or maybe Parachute333's parents are Jehovah's Witnesses and he has trouble getting by in the real world because he was raised in a culture separated from reality.

It's a mainstream, liberal denomination. I don't want to go into much detail because I know a couple other goons in the church, and I don't want this to become a rumour going around, both for my sake and the girl's.

Khorne posted:

Most people wouldn't put themselves in the bed situation to begin with so there's no real right or wrong way to go about things there. You kind of avoided saying whether you wanted to kiss or her not, and instead focused on doing the "right" thing.

I definitely didn't want to kiss her, and thought my posts made that clear enough. She looked and acted way younger than me, so there was no attraction at all on my part.

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

i just want your sufferings ~ your bloods and fluid ~ your stupid fucking tiny skeleton ~

You're going to have to quit when you turn 21 though right? Yah freakin wierdo.

Warrahooyaargh
Sep 15, 2007
Oh the mundanity

Parachute333 posted:

I asked her out when we were walking between classes, no one was listening on the conversation but there were people around. I said something like "I know you're single, you're a great friend and you're beautiful, want to go out?" She seemed very surprised, said she'd give me an answer tomorrow, and we kept talking until she went to class. The next day she sat at the back of the class, texted me to say we should just be friends, and tended to avoid me whenever I went up to say hi.


We were talking to each other for at least an hour every day, and getting along very well. She's an interesting and compassionate person to talk to and I'm genuinely sad to have lost her as just a friend.


The group is for ages 14-20. The sponsors are all 25 and up and definitely don't have the same kind of contact with the youth. I like the youth group, and it includes people from all over the age range, so I'm not going to just quit the group and substitute some kind of non-religious group.


It's a mainstream, liberal denomination. I don't want to go into much detail because I know a couple other goons in the church, and I don't want this to become a rumour going around, both for my sake and the girl's.


I definitely didn't want to kiss her, and thought my posts made that clear enough. She looked and acted way younger than me, so there was no attraction at all on my part.

It's not about whether you where attracted to her or not, though. You were in bed with, among others, a 15-year-old girl who seemed to be coming on to you and who might have got very pissed off indeed when you didn't respond and accused you of molesting her the next day. In that situation it would be your word against hers that nothing happened. You really, really need to avoid being put in that situation again.

Mighty Mitochondria
Oct 22, 2009

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Warrahooyaargh posted:

It's not about whether you where attracted to her or not, though. You were in bed with, among others, a 15-year-old girl who seemed to be coming on to you and who might have got very pissed off indeed when you didn't respond and accused you of molesting her the next day. In that situation it would be your word against hers that nothing happened. You really, really need to avoid being put in that situation again.

Holy poo poo can we not spread around this horrifying victim-blaming myth? The OP is clueless enough to believe it's a real thing.

OP: That does not happen. It's a lie rapists and molesters tell each other to excuse their actions. You still shouldn't get in bed with children though.

Parachute333
May 23, 2013


gently caress the ROW posted:

You're going to have to quit when you turn 21 though right? Yah freakin wierdo.

Yes, just like everyone else in the group who is 20. You're acting like it's really weird for a 20-year-old to be in a group that's meant for people aged 14-20, when there are plenty of 19 and 20-year-olds still participating.

Warrahooyaargh posted:

It's not about whether you where attracted to her or not, though. You were in bed with, among others, a 15-year-old girl who seemed to be coming on to you and who might have got very pissed off indeed when you didn't respond and accused you of molesting her the next day. In that situation it would be your word against hers that nothing happened. You really, really need to avoid being put in that situation again.

That's a bullshit MRA myth. This kind of arrangement's been common at these conventions for decades, no one's been raped.

Red_Mage
Jul 23, 2007
I SHOULD BE FUCKING PERMABANNED BUT IN THE MEANTIME ASK ME ABOUT MY FAILED KICKSTARTER AND RUNNING OFF WITH THE MONEY


Parachute333 posted:

The group is for ages 14-20. The sponsors are all 25 and up and definitely don't have the same kind of contact with the youth. I like the youth group, and it includes people from all over the age range, so I'm not going to just quit the group and substitute some kind of non-religious group.


It's a mainstream, liberal denomination. I don't want to go into much detail because I know a couple other goons in the church, and I don't want this to become a rumour going around, both for my sake and the girl's.


I definitely didn't want to kiss her, and thought my posts made that clear enough. She looked and acted way younger than me, so there was no attraction at all on my part.

I know you want other advice, and don't want goons harping on this, but I am telling you for your sake that this is not a normal or OK environment. 14-20 is a weird age range, but whatever floats peoples boats. 14-20 with co ed sleeping arrangements is a ticking timebomb of a sexual assault charge just waiting to happen. It doesn't matter if it is a religious event or if the church is mainstream, the organization has failed if that is happening. Find a different religious youth group, preferably one focused on Young Adults (so an 18+) so you can get more exposure to people in your age group. Church groups can be fantastic for building a social support network and finding like minded people, but kicking it with teenagers isn't going to help you grow.

quote:

That's a bullshit MRA myth. This kind of arrangement's been common at these conventions for decades, no one's been raped.

Actually that's basic risk management/sexual abuse prevention. Even if the threat of false allegations of sexual conduct is a bugbear (it is, they almost never happen), you as an adult never want to put yourself in a position where it would be your word against that of a child, because it means you've created an unsafe environment for the child (or at least been complicit in one).

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Warrahooyaargh
Sep 15, 2007
Oh the mundanity

Okay, apologies all round and point taken.

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