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Eris posted:Could you have gotten those things (at least garbage bags/hand soap) from the dollar store? I spent 97¢ on the hand soap, and the generic garbage bags at target are cheaper than the name brand at the dollar store. The dollar store brand are crap and break easily. I did think about that.
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Jun 2, 2013 04:09
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RogueLemming posted:Except you didn't pay $8, you paid $21 because your son couldn't be bothered to learn the rules of JROTC (hint: haircut requirements haven't changed) or mention it in a timely manner. Especially since it was for JROTC, it shouldn't have been a surprise and a responsible 17-year-old should be able to figure that out. You're right. He doesn't plan and forgets to tell us things. I don't keep track of when he needs haircuts because he's 17 and should be able to do that. Usually he gives us a little more notice though. He's going to hate having to use the clippers, but he will deal with it. We are having a family meeting tomorrow night before I go to work and going over the budget with each of them. We are also going to have them write down expected expenses for the next few months and when they need it by so we can plan for those. I know we need $100 by mid July for band camp, but that will come out of the $150 in our budget for education. And I miscalculated my PTO. After actually looking at my pay stub, I only have 24 hours I can cash out. Still, an extra $300 will help.
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Jun 2, 2013 04:18
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LoveMeDead posted:
I'm a bit confused by this. Are you saying that the landlord will allow you to sign a lease in two weeks and not start charging you rent until the beginning of July (leaving the property vacant and earning no rent for a couple of weeks between the time you sign the lease and the beginning of July)? Also, is there a reason why you couldn't have a yard sale before the foreclosure auction? While it's possible that you won't be required to give vacant possession of your property before 1 July, that doesn't seem to be guaranteed and having some emergency cash available in case you need to move on someone else's timetable seems wise.
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Jun 2, 2013 07:17
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LoveMeDead posted:We are planning on having a yard sale, hopefully June 22. There is a lot of stuff we could sell. Have you done yard sales before? The reason I ask, even people I know who love the social aspect have said they are terrible money makers. You spend a lot of time haggling with idiots and watching people to make sure they don't steal. I mean, you're a nurse. Think about how much you can make from a day of work versus a day of arguing with people who want to pay a dime on an item priced a quarter. If you have any big ticket items or anything that could be sold in a lot, I would try Craig's List or something similar first.
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Jun 2, 2013 15:44
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LoveMeDead posted:This is good to know. I think he's afraid he wouldn't get in, and doesn't want the rejection. He's pretty set on University of Texas at Austin right now. University of Alabama, Huntsville is his second choice. He wants to eventually be a physicist, dealing with particle physics. He's going to major in either aerospace engineering or chemical engineering (maybe) and get a masters and probably phd in physics. He's smart, a little lazy, but smart. He's also going to minor in music so I think that may be part of his reason for choosing UT Austin. Plus, MIT does not have Air Force ROTC and he's planning on continuing that which will mean more scholarships. He does realize if he takes any scholarship money from ROTC that he owes military service, right? I didn't see any mention of that in his plan. Unless things have changed, if he finds out he can't handle that type of major, he'll have a huge headache if they give a contract out to a STEM and he decides to go into liberal arts. Just something to keep in mind with his commitment to JROTC and betting on that for money. Another big thing is if he does get a full ride from ROTC they can tell him to go to a university he doesn't want if all of the school's ROTC spots are already full.
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Jun 2, 2013 16:51
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Poison Cake posted:Have you done yard sales before? The reason I ask, even people I know who love the social aspect have said they are terrible money makers. You spend a lot of time haggling with idiots and watching people to make sure they don't steal. I mean, you're a nurse. Think about how much you can make from a day of work versus a day of arguing with people who want to pay a dime on an item priced a quarter. I dunno, even if the OP can't stick around the whole time because of work or sleep issues, it sounds like the husband doesn't work much and there's three teenagers involved. No reason they couldn't hang around and manage the sale all day. v:)v I think the efficacy of yard sales really depends on the area, because the last time I had one I honestly did pretty well with a minimum of haggling. But it can definitely be a huge time sink for little return, too, so yeah. Craigslist is a good idea for sure. Even a pawn shop could be handy if you've got some jewelry, electronics or furniture you can part with.
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Jun 2, 2013 17:26
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I have a computer engineering degree from a top 10 CS / CE department and lived in Nashville for a year from 2009 to 2010 and I can't say that the career possibilities are very reasonable there for someone just starting their career in tech. In fact, I would argue East Tennessee would be better solely because of all the money coming in for DoE and DoD research in Oak Ridge, and on top of that Knoxville is substantially cheaper to live in than most of Nashville (it sounds like OP lives east of there like around Lebanon though). There's a couple goons I talked to in Nashville that were having pretty difficult times finding software and systems positions there as well and we're regular posters to SH/SC and CoC hardly known for being bad at what we do. The job prospects I could guess for Nashville that I'm aware of are: 1. Lots of research work at Vanderbilt. Hope you have a masters or want to get a PhD though, Vanderbilt is a pretty darn good school and you'd better be solid. 2. Working at Nissan doing mostly automotive engineering software work. The VMware implementation they did was primarily done by contractors / consultants from outside the state 3. A fairly small Big Data and cloud-based analytics software company I've worked closely with for a year or so now and endorse as quite competent. They want mostly top-notch software folks that eat and breathe tech basically (not to say that people don't have families that work there - quite the opposite actually - but the work can be pretty grueling on some contracts). This would likely require your husband to get a top secret clearance and due to your financial situation I believe there is a strong possibility this will be denied to you. 4. Several small web start-ups that I don't think have gotten into series A funding yet. Chattanooga has several companies as well. 5. Maybe a job at the UPS distribution center there but it was part-time work for like VB6 and .NET stuff that I could have done in junior high Aside from #1, you don't really need to have a good shot at these options to me and are all about having good experience and skills - most non-huge companies worth anything will ask for competence first and credentials second anyway. A degree is helpful for applying for large companies yes, but my point is that there are no large software companies with sites in the area that hire engineers - I tried for a year to find something (granted, hiring was terrible in 2009) and I was working remotely at the time. The pay range I would have gotten in Nashville (for a mid-level engineer, $65k was the figure I saw thrown around in several ads, god help you if it's entry-level) is not that great normally either and I left despite the wife having a pretty solid job there because the prospects were pretty bad for me at the time and there were just so many more ways to advance in the Bay Area or a major coastal city than in Nashville. Nashville is awesome if you're a die-hard musician or performing artist, music industry professional, entertainment industry lawyer, or renowned doctor ($300k starting MDs in such a low cost area is like half a million a year in most cities in the US) if you ask me though.
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Jun 2, 2013 18:28
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LoveMeDead posted:This is good to know. I think he's afraid he wouldn't get in, and doesn't want the rejection. He's pretty set on University of Texas at Austin right now. University of Alabama, Huntsville is his second choice. He wants to eventually be a physicist, dealing with particle physics. He's going to major in either aerospace engineering or chemical engineering (maybe) and get a masters and probably phd in physics. He's smart, a little lazy, but smart. He's also going to minor in music so I think that may be part of his reason for choosing UT Austin. Plus, MIT does not have Air Force ROTC and he's planning on continuing that which will mean more scholarships. I want to add to the pile-on. MIT has an eleven figure endowment. They make a commitment to meeting all of the financial aid needs of their students and people in your financial situation don't pay anywhere near the sticker price. That's not to say paying will be trivial, but if your son is really of a caliber to get admitted, they will figure out a way for him to afford it. And MIT does have Air Force ROTC, too, though I don't know how that fits in with financial aid there. Ultimately, there's only one way to know if he can really get it, and that's to apply. I will warn you/him though. MIT is murder on students who are smart but a little lazy.
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Jun 3, 2013 06:29
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This is anecdotal, but I grew up in an 7 person household with 6 kids with 12 years between the oldest and youngest. When my mother remarried we lived in a fairly small 4 bedroom house with 1 bathroom that was shared with 8 people. It was a pain in the rear end, but we managed. Grocery bills very easily could reach 1000 a month and we ate pasta a lot growing up and really no snacks, soda etc.. However we weren't struggling for money so there were never any other issues that you have. I just wanted to point out that 900 a month for groceries for 5 people isn't insane, especially with teenagers. Also, as a now 30 year old male with a stupid gym habit I spend nearly 500 a month on food for myself. I don't eat chips or any "snacky" food, but I do eat a lot of animals and plants and those are expensive if you're picky about quality.
thebushcommander fucked around with this message at 17:38 on Jun 3, 2013 |
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Jun 3, 2013 17:27
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SlapActionJackson posted:I want to add to the pile-on. MIT has an eleven figure endowment. They make a commitment to meeting all of the financial aid needs of their students and people in your financial situation don't pay anywhere near the sticker price. That's not to say paying will be trivial, but if your son is really of a caliber to get admitted, they will figure out a way for him to afford it. And MIT does have Air Force ROTC, too, though I don't know how that fits in with financial aid there. Ultimately, there's only one way to know if he can really get it, and that's to apply. He's still making this decision, but I'll bring it up to him. He has a few months to make decisions on where to apply. He's been a lot less lazy about school in the past year. And he knows that he will have to serve in the Air Force after college if he takes that scholarship. He's okay with that. The plus side to me working so much is I don't have time to spend any money. We have everything we can automatically deducted from our account, so we don't have to worry about paying it late. I'll update if/when I hear from the landlord about the house. We aren't sure about the yard sale. I'm not sure how much we have that we can sell, and I don't know if it's worth it. There are a couple things we can put on Craigslist I know, and will probably just take the rest to Goodwill.
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Jun 3, 2013 22:43
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What's the balance on your car loan and your student loans? Also, is the amount of your student loan repayments going to remain fixed for the foreseeable future or are there loans which aren't yet due for repayment? I know that the immediate priority is housing and zeroing out your husband's debts, but your post-bankruptcy budget will likely need to be fairly austere given that you've only been working for a couple of years and the amount being contributed towards your retirement is extremely low. At your ages, you pretty much have to assume that poo poo is going to happen - whether it's periods where one of you is underemployed or health issues rearing their ugly head - so you need to sock away your emergency fund and your 6 months survival money as soon as possible after your husband's bankruptcy as well as treating retirement saving as a priority, and that's going to require living on a tight budget for a considerable period of time, not just until your immediate financial crisis has passed. You should be looking at multiple rental properties, not waiting to hear about one before you look at others. It would be really helpful if you could find out how the particular companies involved in your foreclosure handle the issue of obtaining vacant possession, so you have some idea of whether or not you'll have any grace period for moving out after the auction or whether you're likely to come home one day and find all your stuff outside and the locks changed.
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Jun 4, 2013 00:41
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Lolie posted:What's the balance on your car loan and your student loans? Also, is the amount of your student loan repayments going to remain fixed for the foreseeable future or are there loans which aren't yet due for repayment? I think the balance on my loans is $45k, and the car should be around $9k. I'm at work and can't look up either right now. The student loan payment is fixed until March, then I need to reapply for the income based payment. My income will be the same as last year, so I don't foresee it changing. We are working with another realtor and this landlord has another potential property, but that one is the best overall. My husband spoke with the lawyer handling the foreclosure and she said that if the property sells at auction, we will have 30 days at least to move out. We plan on keeping the same budget after the foreclosure and bankruptcy, possibly adjusting the utility amounts when we move.
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Jun 4, 2013 02:39
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If I rework your July budget to show rent at $650 instead of the original $800, and if I drop your utilities cost to $250 (because it will be summer and hopefully you'll be doing everything you can to keep your electricity and water costs as low as possible), your expenses still come out a a rather scary $3414 per month. It's not horrendous given the size of your family but it's worrying given your income and the things you need to be doing financially at this point. You definitely need to increase your income during July so that you can afford to put more than $200 per month towards "savings". If you're aiming for a $1000 emergency fund, it would take 5 months to get there at that rate and something will almost certainly "come up" during that period. I'm also inclined towards the view that $1000 is an insufficient emergency fund for a household of 5 adults, regardless of what Dave Ramsay says. You also want to be building your "cushion" of several months expenses as fast as possible, so you need to keep your excess of income over expenses as high as possible for the remainder of this year. Foreclosure and bankruptcy will give you a bit of a financial life-raft, but you really need to maximise the reprieve they give you. You'll be more vulnerable in some ways post-bankruptcy (you can't go without paying the rent for months if there's a crisis), so building your financial buffers needs to be a high priority even though it's going to take you a considerable amount of time. Right now, all of my kids are living of "poo poo happens" money - two because of illness and one because there's been a downturn in work in their industry. They've each had several "poo poo happens" events this year (my youngest is currently in hospital with her second pneumothorax for the year and both her and her partner's cars have been written off in the past few months - she's a nurse so will only get paid her base salary rate while off work whereas penalty rates usually make up a significant part of her pay packet), but they're OK financially because they not only had buffers but because they are able to quickly reduce their expenditure when necessary. poo poo doesn't just happen and stop. It will always happen and often things happen one after the other with little break in between. That's why your buffers are so important. Is your husband still planning on starting his course in the fall or is he now willing to defer that until you're on a more secure financial footing? Also, early in the thread you said that your student loans were $175 per month but you've allowed only $46 per month in your new budget. How has this reduction come about and is it only temporary? I guess what worries me is that even though you'll be able to "pay all your bills" after the foreclosure and bankruptcy, you're still going to be quite vulnerable financially. You'll still have over $50,000 of debt and are planning on acquiring more. You're counting on future income/future events to get rid of that debt and that's always risky (what if you're unable for some reason to meet the conditions necessary for your student loans to be forgiven)? We haven't even asked what you owe on the house because it's already in foreclosure and we know how you're planning to take care of the deficiency, but it's pretty obvious that you were in fairly dire straits despite the fact that your were "paying all your bills" except for the mortgage and for some reason didn't really grasp how dire. zaurg and CornHolio both went through the "but we're paying our bills so it can't be that bad" thing, too. While your husband may have hidden things from you, foreclosure was something which was going to happen sooner or later once you stopped paying the mortgage and you put no money aside for when it did so you have to scramble to find it now. Your new budget will allow you to "pay your bills", but you're still going to be in a scary situation unless you can totally change your attitude about what you can "afford" and what you "deserve". Your husband's previous job stressed him. You're stressed and overwhelmed by your current financial situation. And yet you're actively planning a future which is going to keep you under fairly constant financial stress for the medium term future. Your situation might be somewhat different from those of zaurg and CornHolio, but some of the "team" thinking is not - you cannot avoid getting into financial trouble again (even if you increase your income) unless you can get the rest of your family onboard in making major, lasting changes in how you spend money. Also, how are you going with your spending so far this month? Are your projected budget numbers for June looking realistic or is it apparent already that you'll go over in some categories (low-balling numbers to make a budget look good on paper doesn't work unless you can actually cut your spending that much)? I realise this all sounds very harsh, but it does sound like you're making financial choices based on emotion - acquiring more debt so your husband can pursue a dream is a lovely romantic fantasy but it's not practical right now - and you can't afford to have another major financial choice go wrong right now if you want to be able to retire at some point in your lives and if you don't want to be the second spouse going bankrupt in a few years. By your own admission, your husband is having a mid-life crisis and his desire for a sea-change is having a major impact on your family finances. You might not resent that right now, but understand that you may not like "the husband you have now" as much when you're still struggling financially in 5 or 10 years and coming to grips with the fact that you'll never be able to buy a home or retire. Lolie fucked around with this message at 07:19 on Jun 4, 2013 |
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Jun 4, 2013 03:25
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You asked if you were as bad as Zaurg. The answer is yes. What's popping out at me is "IF WE CAN JUST STAY ON A BUDGET..." No. Your husband needs to start working more. Your kids need jobs. You absolutely, 100% cannot do this on your own. You don't have discipline (you're working on it, though, and good luck to you), and your 17 year old doesn't have discipline, and your husband does not have discipline. I'm guessing your kid on disability does not have discipline either (he'd better be doing every chore in the house if he's able for that $200 since you guys need that $200--hell, $50 would make a difference in your situation). Your daughter is the only one that seems to realize how poo poo everything is. And everyone's been dancing around this, but I will tell you flat out that your husband is a stone cold idiot if he thinks he can get a job in "building computers" in rural Tennessee. Or Wisconsin. High tech, high-paying Computer Jerbs are in Silicon Valley, Seattle, Denver, Austin, and Dallas. He is a stone cold idiot thinking that it's a good idea to go back to school at the age of 40 for CE. And you are displaying the symptoms of being a stone cold idiot by saying you don't need to understand what he wants to do. YES YOU DO NEED TO UNDERSTAND IT (a guy with anxiety is going to fall to pieces in an engineering program unless he is some kind of mathematics genius) AND UNDERSTAND THE JOB PROSPECTS, which are poo poo for what he wants to do, especially at his age in your area. My god. You're taking out loans for this? Jesus poo poo. If he wants to do "computers" he should learn programming online for free. http://learnpythonthehardway.org/ <----There. That's a programming language that is in demand and programming can be done remotely. But since you had to talk him out of buying a motorcycle, I'm going to guess that he'd rather throw thousands of dollars away for a degree that will, at most, earn him an entry level job answering to 23-year-olds. Divorce your husband and send your 17 year old into the salt mines. vvvvvvvvvvvvvv Yeah, I'm harsh. But they are parents. OP and OPHusband, your time is over, my friends. You have hosed up badly and need to fix this poo poo for your kids before thinking about yourselves or your ~*dweams*~ What kind of environment is a leaky, falling-apart house full of extension cords with no heat? Your daughter got upset at spending $2.50. That is realistic. And that kind of insecurity is an enormous stressor on her still-developing brain. This sort of poo poo is going to instill anxiety and dysfunction in your kids' lives unless you nut up and fix it, and that goes triple for your husband. vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Strep Vote fucked around with this message at 07:41 on Jun 4, 2013 |
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Jun 4, 2013 05:08
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Quantum Finger posted:harshness It's absolutely your business to know what your husband's doing with a bunch of loans when you're in the middle of dealing with foreclosure and bankruptcy and budget deficits and poo poo, and it's your business to know that CE is a rather ill-advised choice of major for someone in his position, especially since you want to eventually be living in Wisconsin again (and not in the aforementioned places where there are CE jobs). I dunno, if he must go to school, what about something that might be actually useful and employable in rural Tennessee or Wisconsin, like this Ag Engineering Tech degree? There's even computery poo poo in there! Also, with the way that things are going, there's going to be plenty of robots and automated systems in the future of agriculture (which means doing computery stuff). (I have friends who build robot tractors and autonomous monitoring systems for commercial greenhouses, and it's awesome. I also know folks who studied agriculture/ag business and now all have pretty nice jobs.)
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Jun 4, 2013 07:06
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This is sort of what I've been thinking, too. You guys need to cut way, way back to be able to live on one income. The fact that you spent $87 on makeup last month means you're probably not even aware of how bad your situation is. And you're the proactive one here- if your husband seriously considered buying a motorcycle as he was losing his house, then his opinions are pretty much worthless as far as money goes. Would you be happy living off rice and beans to pay for your husband's education? What if it comes down to his or your son's? The time has past to go chasing your dreams; what you need now is a dual-income household. The math just doesn't add up otherwise, and even if you can survive month-to-month you're one speeding ticket away from disaster. If your husband isn't willing to do whatever's necessary (therapy, meds, sucking it up) to contribute then you need to seriously consider what's best for your family.
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Jun 4, 2013 07:20
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Firstly, my husband's anxiety problems were entirely sure to his job. He did not have anxiety issues before, and hasn't had them since. Second, he is looking into other options for his career. We haven't talked about it too much in the past few days, but I know he has been researching things. Hopefully we will have time later today to talk more. He is interested in robotics, so I'll bring up the Ag thing. We would not be moving to rural Wisconsin, we would move to southeast Wisconsin. It is practically suburban Chicago. This does open up job prospects a bit more. If what he decides he really wants to do requires us to move somewhere else...I'm a nurse and can find a job anywhere. I also know he's been trying to figure out what to do for a job right now. Again, we haven't had much time to talk so I don't know what he's figured out. I'll post our reconfigured budget later today, but it has us putting at least $500 into savings this month. My pto cash out, and any extra he makes above our projection it's also going into savings. The motorcycle thing was not 100% serious. We were talking about how we needed a car with better gas mileage and he pointed out that motorcycles get great gas mileage. He's wanted one for years. He would not seriously buy a motorcycle right now. I wouldn't have posted this here if I want looking for a kick in the rear end. Our oldest isn't great with money, but he's learning with us. He has legit Aspergers, so he has trouble with things like this. He has always had trouble with abstract things. He does a lot around the house and yard. He also buys everything besides household things for himself. The 17 year old is getting a kick in the rear end and we are trying to educate him too.
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Jun 4, 2013 08:50
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Has your husband researched all the financial aid options which would be open to him as a student and does he know the cut-off dates for applying for various kinds of assistance? There's a great student loans thread in BFC and it's amazing how many people have hosed themselves up by not really understanding how the whole process works, so make sure he's very well informed before he commits to any given path. While I know it's going to be tempting to focus on any "free money" your husband might receive while studying, it's even more important to consider the impact it will have on both your combined net worth and your monthly expenses. Lolie fucked around with this message at 09:19 on Jun 4, 2013 |
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Jun 4, 2013 09:15
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Lolie posted:Has your husband researched all the financial aid options which would be open to him as a student and does he know the cut-off dates for applying for various kinds of assistance? There's a great student loans thread in BFC and it's amazing how many people have hosed themselves up by not really understanding how the whole process works, so make sure he's very well informed before he commits to any given path. He has already been offered several scholarships. If he goes through with this semester, between scholarships, grants, and loans everything would be covered. He would be getting $500 more than tuition and fees, so books would be covered too. We went through all of the financial aid stuff a few years ago when I was in school. So we have a pretty good understanding of it. There are two websites I used to search for scholarships, and he's gone on them too. He got$1500 in scholarships that way. Right now I don't know exactly what he's going to do. When I work, I'm gone 14 hours, sleep 8, and we barely talk.
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Jun 4, 2013 09:29
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LoveMeDead posted:He has already been offered several scholarships. If he goes through with this semester, between scholarships, grants, and loans everything would be covered. He would be getting $500 more than tuition and fees, so books would be covered too. Being covered by loans is still more debt on your ledger. If you can get an education for cheap/free, by all means do it. That's not the case here, because your husband needs to come out of this with a good job or you're just sinking yourself further with more non-dischargeable debt.
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Jun 4, 2013 13:20
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If they don't see the issue with taking on new debt for career change that won't even begin for a few years at the same stage of life when hardcore retirement planning usually begins ... I'm not sure what will. That 10% you've been saving for your kids education --- where is it now? Are you still planning on gifting it to them? And we know your husbands anxiety was job-related. The concern is that this high-pressure study could potentially trigger the same reaction. Do you really not see that?
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Jun 4, 2013 13:30
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Quantum Finger posted:I will tell you flat out that your husband is a stone cold idiot You forgot the part where he quit his job and spent over a year "figuring out what he wants to do" but somehow doesn't have time to learn to fix a roof or run some electrical wire in their house.
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Jun 4, 2013 13:46
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Droo posted:You forgot the part where he quit his job and spent over a year "figuring out what he wants to do" but somehow doesn't have time to learn to fix a roof or run some electrical wire in their house. This is a very good point. If he wants to "build computers," why hasn't he started by figuring out the wiring problem in his own home? They are tasks in a similar vein.
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Jun 4, 2013 13:48
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Nocheez posted:This is a very good point. If he wants to "build computers," why hasn't he started by figuring out the wiring problem in his own home? They are tasks in a similar vein. On the one hand, that could kill him. On the other hand, that would give them a sweet insurance payout if he hasn't already cancelled his policy. LoveMeDead posted:loans No. No. No. No. You don't seem to understand what people are saying. I'll try to make this as simple as possible. THIS DEGREE = DEBT THIS DEGREE != MONEY THIS DEGREE != JOB (Ask your husband what != means. I wonder if he knows the answer.) Understand? He will not get a job that will pay back those loans in a timely manner. You will work until you die. He can learn what he needs to get contracting work ONLINE for FREE. Is it robotics? NO. Will he ever in a million years get a job in robotics? NO. Do you guys have time for him to dick around deciding what he wants to do with his life? NO. He has responsibilities and he is failing in them. LoveMeDead posted:Right now I don't know exactly what he's going to do. When I work, I'm gone 14 hours, sleep 8, and we barely talk. Awesome. You guys are drowning and you don't communicate. You have a middle class mentality about money, but you are teetering on the edge of working poor because of your shitastic money management.
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Jun 4, 2013 16:24
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LoveMeDead posted:Second, he is looking into other options for his career. We haven't talked about it too much in the past few days, but I know he has been researching things. Hopefully we will have time later today to talk more. He is interested in robotics, so I'll bring up the Ag thing. If all efforts to convince him that school right now is a bad idea fail, at least mitigate the situation by getting as many scholarships/grants as possible and demanding that he study something realistic with applicable skills (CE means a specific line of work offered by specific companies in specific places, and ag/ag tech/ag business means just about anything involved in food production, supply, and distribution, and food is produced/processed everywhere and consumed by everyone). That said, him going to school on loans while the family is in crisis is still a loving terrible idea. You're just lucky he'd at least be going to a legit in-state tech university and didn't get hustled into some horrible for-profit poo poo school. Another way to think about all this: what is your husband teaching your children by quitting his job (I understand the awful effect on his well-being, but.. get another one?) while your about-to-be-foreclosed house crumbles around you and by adding significantly to his/the family's debt load to study something that doesn't have realistic job prospects? On top of you blowing $87 on makeup in a month? The idea of one of my own parents quitting their job and taking out loans/adding to/creating debt to study some random thing because midlife crisis right as I was about to leave for college? Absolutely unfathomable. If you're terrible with money, your kids are going to be terrible with money. And that terribleness goes beyond frittering money away on superfluous poo poo and into big time decisions/ability to manage money over the long term. PS: I don't think my question from the first page of the thread ever got answered. If the kids are having a hard time finding jobs, do they have enough computer/technical/writing/art skills to do money-making work online? And does your husband? Mechanical Turk, Cha Cha, writing articles for content mills, proofreading, smut writing, transcribing, programming, furry porn drawing, black hat SEO, affiliate marketing, eLance, random one-off gigs on Craigslist, summer camp counselor? I had/am having trouble finding a career-oriented job, so I went online to find freelance/contract work and now I'm doing everything from writing smut to coding websites to typesetting and have been building up a pretty good network (mostly out of SA goons - seriously, this is an amazing community) along the way.
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Jun 4, 2013 18:47
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Authentic You posted:black hat SEO, Is there really money in that?
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Jun 4, 2013 19:44
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Please don't get on me about us not communicating when I work 3 nights in a row. There is literally almost no time for us to talk. Even when it's slow at work, I only get occasional chances to check my phone before 3am, and he's asleep by then. When there are only 2 hours in a day that I am home and not sleeping, there isn't much time to talk. We text and communicate the best we can. I just got up and he isn't home right now, but we are going to have a job/career talk when he gets back. He needs to be doing something he doesn't hate that is going to make us some money. If he learned computer programming languages, are there jobs for that? Is computer repair a viable option? I don't want him to be as miserable as he was before, I want to like my husband. I want to give him a chance to do something he loves, and yes there is obligation there. He supported me so I could stay home with the kids, and then go to nursing school. I am going to go for my masters in Family Nurse Practitioner in the spring, if I can get a grant. There are a couple of grants for rural health practitioners that not only pay 100% of tuition and books, but give you a monthly stipend. I just have to agree to work in an underserved or rural area for 2 years after I'm licensed. Considering that even if I work for the health department, I will be almost doubling my salary, I think that is a good payoff. I will work full time while I go. If I can't get the grant, I will weigh that then. I don't want to put this off too much longer. I'll help the kids look into online work they can do. Some of those suggestions aren't appropriate for them, but we'll look.
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Jun 4, 2013 19:46
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LoveMeDead posted:I am going to go for my masters in Family Nurse Practitioner in the spring, if I can get a grant. There are a couple of grants for rural health practitioners that not only pay 100% of tuition and books, but give you a monthly stipend. I just have to agree to work in an underserved or rural area for 2 years after I'm licensed. Considering that even if I work for the health department, I will be almost doubling my salary, I think that is a good payoff. I will work full time while I go. If I can't get the grant, I will weigh that then. I don't want to put this off too much longer. So hang on a second here, how will this affect the overall situation? Will you have to move somewhere on your own to work somewhere for 2 years, or will the family come along too? I don't know what the exact timeframes on this are, but is there the possibility of you still being stuck in this 2 year agreement when he graduates and pretty much HAS to move to a capital city to get work?
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Jun 4, 2013 20:17
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Rudager posted:So hang on a second here, how will this affect the overall situation? Where I work now qualifies under the rural grant. So do the health departments in many of the surrounding counties. There are 16 places on their list within 30 minutes of us, and double that within an hour. If I start in the spring, I will be done in May 2016. If my husband starts this fall he will be done May 2018. So I have time to get the 2 years in. If he has to move without me for a month or two, we would make that work too.
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Jun 4, 2013 20:51
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He supported you so you could do what was best for your family. Raising them and then getting a degree. You need to now support him in doing what's best for your family -- which is likely finding a job he can do without incurring debt and bringing on money NOW. Support him making good decisions, not chasing selfish dreams.
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Jun 4, 2013 23:28
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Still haven't heard from the landlord with the trailer. Tomorrow is the current tenant move out date, so we are going to try to get a hold of him tomorrow night. There is a house nearby that has a rent sign up. We went to see it and it would work, I guess. It's small and weirdly laid out and the kitchen sucks. It's $725/month with a $600 deposit and we could move in whenever. She's put us on her list. I know we can't be choosy right now, but I really don't like it. Maybe I'm just overly tired right now and a bit crabby. I'm not making any decisions today. My husband is going to talk to the career counselor at school about job prospects and which major would be best. Or if there are training programs that he could do instead of a bachelor's degree. What he is looking at is Hardware Engineering. Doing a search on Monster and Careerbuilder, there are quite a few posted jobs in both middle TN and SE Wisconsin. There are even more in the Chicago area. BUT, he is going to talk to the career counselor to see if this is a good option. He would major in Computer Engineering and specialize. In the meantime, he's working full time hours right now. He is starting to look for other jobs, or things he can do part time at home. Our 17 year old is driving us crazy. He caught me this morning before I went to bed and said he needed $8 to pay a library fine before he could get his report card today. I told him to get a job and I was tired. He got upset, went to school anyway and somehow talked them in to giving him his report card without paying. Not sure he learned anything there. We have pretty good kids, so I've never had to go the tough love approach before. It goes against my nature and is pretty hard.
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Jun 4, 2013 23:35
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LoveMeDead posted:Firstly, my husband's anxiety problems were entirely sure to his job. He did not have anxiety issues before, and hasn't had them since. I'm not so sure about this. Avoiding dealing with unpleasant issues - like the inevitability of foreclosure once you stop paying the mortgage and letting the kids live in unsafe housing for years instead of looking for ways to escape the horror pit - often has its basis in anxiety. What's concerning people is that your husband studying full-time is going to require a commitment of at least 40 hours per week at a time when your husband needs to be bringing in more income than he is now. Yes, we understand that he hated his previous job. What's concerning us - apart from him taking on debt to study in a field with questionable job prospects - is whether he can sustain a 70 plus hour weekly schedule (because you really need him to be working some serious part-time hours, not just a few here and there) of combined work and study for a period of several years without falling apart. Even if he can do that, what happens if he hates his new field? There's a difference between enjoying studying something and enjoying doing it as a career - there are plenty of people who loathe working in the field for which they're qualified. Your personal capacity to increase the family income is limited. There are only so many extra shifts you can pick up while staying sane and physically healthy, and you probably won't be able to maintain working all available overtime once you commence your Masters. There's a limit to how long you can carry the financial burden for your family without something giving and your current plans don't really allow for your husband carrying significantly more of the financial burden than he does now. There's also the question of how long you can maintain the "ships in the night" schedule without it destroying your relationship. There is nothing more certain than the reality that between now and 2018, multiple unforeseen events will happen in your family. That certainty is why people can predict that a financial plan which only works under ideal circumstance is doomed to fail. While you may believe right now that you can stick to an austerity budget for the next 5 years while you and your husband both put in 70 plus hour per weeks of combined work and study, you can't rely on best case scenarios. You can't make middle class choices (both family income earners returning to study at the same time is very much a middle class choice) on a working class income without it biting you in the rear end. For what it's worth, I agree with not making decisions when you're tired and cranky. While moving is a total pain the rear end, nothing is forever when you rent. If you do have to take something you hate, then sign a short lease (no more than 6 months) and commit to being in a good enough financial situation to have more choice by the time the lease runs out. Lolie fucked around with this message at 00:12 on Jun 5, 2013 |
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Jun 4, 2013 23:41
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LoveMeDead posted:My husband is going to talk to the career counselor at school about job prospects and which major would be best. Or if there are training programs that he could do instead of a bachelor's degree. What he is looking at is Hardware Engineering. Doing a search on Monster and Careerbuilder, there are quite a few posted jobs in both middle TN and SE Wisconsin. There are even more in the Chicago area. BUT, he is going to talk to the career counselor to see if this is a good option. He would major in Computer Engineering and specialize. That's great, but he's going to be a 40 something year old competing for entry level positions against 20 year olds who have can, and will, settle for a lot less in terms of money and benefits, than your husband.
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Jun 5, 2013 01:06
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Rudager posted:That's great, but he's going to be a 40 something year old competing for entry level positions against 20 year olds who have can, and will, settle for a lot less in terms of money and benefits, than your husband. I know, he knows. He shouldn't need benefits if I'm still working. And even the base starting pay quoted by every site is more than he was making in restaurants.
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Jun 5, 2013 01:14
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LoveMeDead posted:My husband is going to talk to the career counselor at school about job prospects and which major would be best. Or if there are training programs that he could do instead of a bachelor's degree. See, this is bad, for a number of reasons. First, as has already been pointed out, school career counselors are worthless. They don't get paid to fulfill your dreams, they get paid by a school. And even if they acted in your best interest, do you really think a handful of counselors are intimately aware of the job market for EVERY individual major they offer? I remember overhearing a conversation someone was having with a career counselor in which they were singing the praises of a General Studies degree, "because it prepares you for ANY job!" Second, if you want a real idea of what the market is like, don't go through the school. Go talk to recent graduates (try contacting a university group that would have alumni contacts). Are they employed? Are they employed in that field, or Starbucks? Did they have to move to find work? Again, don't ask the school, because often the numbers that are reported are skewed towards those that got jobs. Third, if your husband was really in-touch with the field he wants to go into, he would know the prospects BEFORE looking into classes. He has no idea what that major involves or its outlook. If he can't explain what he wants to do to a child (or you), then he doesn't have a clue what he wants to do. How many computers has he built? How many servers has he run? Has he ever written a program? I don't do anything remotely associated with computers, and I've built mine and can program. Computers aren't a career for him...they're a hobby. And a poor one at that. He wants to take on MORE DEBT to enter a field where he is literally outclassed by 11-year-olds (hint: even 11-year-olds can program). So there's a group of people with a vested interest in filling classrooms talking to someone with a "grass is always greener" mentality and no clue. Gee, I wonder what answer they're going to come up with? ====================== On the flipside, I do commend you for staying active in the thread. I hope you get something positive out of it.
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Jun 5, 2013 01:39
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If your husband is going to talk to a career counsellor, I'd advise using one not connected with an educational institution. At the end of the day, colleges have a vested interest in convincing you to spend money (whether your own or loans) on the qualifications they offer and convince you that those courses are a worthwhile investment. Be very wary of statements about how many people are employed in the field in a certain time period after graduation and what they're earning on average because such statements are often highly qualified in small print 16 links away. Consulting a vocational rehabilitation specialist might be a good idea, though. Not only are they likely to give your husband advice which is based on his individual circumstances and tailored to his capabilities, there may even be a pot of funding which is available to help him gain new qualifications (your state may have labour market programmes targeted at over 40s, too). Hard as it is, you need to take a step back and look at your situation dispassionately. If someone you felt no emotional obligation to support came to you with the kind of plans you and your husband have for the next few years, you'd likely view those plans as unrealistic and unsustainable - financially, emotionally, practically and physically. You're not in a position where you can realistically all have all of what you want in the foreseeable future. Compromises will need to be made and some or all of you are going to have to accept getting only some of what you want over the next few years. It might not seem "fair" when I'm sure you know people where both spouses are pursuing further education in their early 40s - but couples who can afford to do that generally aren't in debt to the extent you guys will be after the foreclosure and bankruptcy. Your previous bad financial choices limit the options which are realistic for you now. If you make more poor choices, they'll limit the options available to you in your 50s and 60s. Right now, you're planning to take on more debt when your existing debt hasn't yet been handled (the foreclosure and the bankruptcy have yet to happen) and when you have no idea whether you can actually stick to your revised budget (something you won't actually know until you've tried to live off it for several months). You're basing your decisions on things which are yet to be proven (being able to live on $3500 per month indefinitely and an increased income month in month out). If nothing else, you should delay taking on any more debt of any kind until the bankruptcy has happened and you've lived off your new budget for several months. You literally have no idea right now what you can "afford", and until you have concrete evidence that your new budget is sustainable over the long term, you're just rationalising a decision to take on new debt irrespective of whether you can afford it or not - a way of thinking which can lead to you being even worse off financially in a few years (because your only option for dealing with emergencies will be obtaining credit you have no capacity to service) than you are right now. Also, regarding your own study plans. Who is actually getting the jobs you hope further study will get you? I ask, because for a lot of jobs additional qualifications are essential but insufficient - you really do need a certain amount or a certain type of experience in order to be a competitive candidate. Most nurses I know who've landed the coveted specialist roles have many years of experience (you'll have 5 when you complete your Masters, which is gently caress all in many areas of medicine) in addition to their post-grad qualifications. I realise that being in a rural area may make you competitive with less experience than would be required in the city, but be aware that the number of positions being advertised doesn't tell you whether you'd be a competitive candidate for those positions. Lolie fucked around with this message at 02:55 on Jun 5, 2013 |
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Jun 5, 2013 02:08
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What is your husband doing all day? You may not know exactly what he wants to do with computers, but he should be able to tell you: what skills he will learn with his degree, what companies are hiring in that skill set with no additional experience, and what the salary for those companies is. The fact is, if he wants to learn computers he can do it online for free. CS is a field where experience trumps a degree. Has he taken any online courses? Gone on informational interviews? Joined a LinkedIn or meetup group?
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Jun 5, 2013 02:24
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I am doing this class that starts in a couple weeks, your husband should do it with me: https://www.coursera.org/course/startup It's a broad overview about the technical side of start-ups, using web development for its material (since web-based startups are the most common kind). I'm even a family man with a full-time job so no excuses! LoveMeDead posted:Our 17 year old is driving us crazy. He caught me this morning before I went to bed and said he needed $8 to pay a library fine before he could get his report card today. I told him to get a job and I was tired. He got upset, went to school anyway and somehow talked them in to giving him his report card without paying. Not sure he learned anything there. Cicero fucked around with this message at 02:39 on Jun 5, 2013 |
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Jun 5, 2013 02:37
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LoveMeDead posted:If he learned computer programming languages, are there jobs for that? YES. LoveMeDead posted:Is computer repair a viable option? NO. in_cahoots posted:CS is a field where experience trumps a degree. And this ^^^^^^^^^ cannot be overstated. Like. At all. I'd post it ten times in separate posts if it wouldn't get me probated. Do you remember when I posted http://learnpythonthehardway.org/? The totally free way to learn the programming language Python? Last year my husband's company couldn't find a python programmer for love or money, so I said I'd learn it, and that's what he pointed me to in order to learn the basics. No paid courses, no college degree required (though of course there was nepotism involved because he knew I wasn't an idiot). Incidentally, I asked my husband (an Actual Computer Engineering Degree Haver from one of the Top Computer Engineering Schools in the world, currently the CTO of his company) what your husband would need to get an entry level developer job. Know a language that's in demand, and build a portfolio. All of this can be learned online for free. It would be better if he had someone to mentor him, but since he doesn't live in one of the major tech markets in this country that is going to be difficult. BUT. If he did the work, he might actually be able to get contracts to work remotely. So yes. There is definitely money in it. As an aside, I also told my husband your situation and your husband's plans for schooling. He said, and I quote, "That is the worst idea I've ever heard" and cited experience as the most important thing for your husband to have. This evening at the dinner table I told him your husband might also deign to consider robotics. His eyes rolled so hard they fell out of his head and bounced across the floor and we had to go to the emergency room to get them popped back in and we're just lucky the dog didn't eat one of them although she got ahold of the left one and now it's a bit manky and has some teethmarks but now it has night vision so I guess it all evened out. Strep Vote fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Jun 5, 2013 |
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Jun 5, 2013 03:03
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Edit: Also, listen to all this up here^^^. Solid advice.Lolie posted:You can't make middle class choices (both family income earners returning to study at the same time is very much a middle class choice) on a working class income without it biting you in the rear end. You kind said what I wanted to (I didn't want to go there, but after reading more posts it really is true). OP, I'll say this: You've got to get in the right mindset for this. You're on your way there, but it needs to set in for you and your husband and son. You said you didn't want to go the tough love route, but your son really needs to get it. When I was growing up, I knew kids that were in families that were in financial situations like yours or had even lower incomes, and kids his age and younger basically had to run their households, get the groceries (or only eat at school with free lunches), figure out budgets, babysit siblings, and work extra to help out while their parents were gone working and/or in school. He doesn't need to do all of that, but he needs to fully realize the situation and be proactive about getting on board with the family budget. Of course he's gonna have pressure from friends to "keep up with the Jones'", but he's gonna have to learn how to do that while keeping a budget. Buy name brand second hand, get a job to afford extra expenses, and understand that hen money is gone, there's no "let me go ask mom for some". He, and to an extent, you and your husband, based on what I'm seeing in some of your posts, still have a middle class spending/living mindset when you are working class. Moreso, you are in a financial crisis. When I said you need to cut back on food, I didn't mean get coupons, I meant that your situation warrants some meager rations (rice+spices meals). Your housing is unsafe, unreliable, and you'll have to leave very soon due to foreclosure. This situation, based on what you've posted, does seem like it calls for some drastic measures. You can't live in the financial situation you plan on being in; all you've got is right now, and right now you are in dire financial straights. Your plans would work in better-case scenarios, but there are too many what-ifs for it to work, and like many others have posted, something will come along to derail things. If you're gonna have these plans, you need SOLID back-up plans. For example, if he doesn't like engineering, he can get a trade (your area will always need plumbers, electricians, etc.). You also have to consider that your kids will be in college soon, too, and you're looking at your husband being in school, then you, then your son, then your daughter. Then they'll all be looking for jobs afterwards (except you, since you'll be working at your current job). Are you prepared to help them ALL out financially if needed? Nursing is a solid profession, and I've known a lot of people in your situation make that work and go on to do very well and provide for their families. The key will be to not add to any financial pressure with added debts, and to have your husband on board to add to the family income as well. Your husband should not ask a career counselor for advice; they are used to giving advice to 17 year olds about what major to choose to make their parents happy, not people with families to support. He needs to ask people in the field he's interested in, ask around at local businesses about what they're looking for. poo poo, even friends he has should have an idea of what's out there. He needs to start networking now anyway, and people knowing he's looking for a new career should help. And that said, what is your husband's job history like? Maybe with some of his skills/history, there's something he could do that would require less or no schooling and have him start above entry level. Or a friends or acquaintance that could give him a chance in a job where he can work up the ranks. I do feel for you, sincerely, and your situation is definitely one that can be worked through. It's going to be a battle of the mind. Get the right mind-set, realize how dire this is, and have a specific plan where you all understand everyone's steps. Know what your husband is doing, not only so you have an idea of job and income prospects and can plan accordingly, but also so you can ask around and see what's available and maybe even find leads that he doesn't (he should be doing 99% of the legwork himself, but in terms of support). You work in a hospital, he likes tech stuff. Electronic medical records are big poo poo and are becoming bigger poo poo each day. You both could even end up working in the same hospital, but he'd be in the IT department or doing maintenance on new kiosks or other healthcare-related machines. Your kids will need to understand as well, not only in terms of how they spend now and financial aid for college, but also once they're in college and there's even more pressure to spend more and keep up with friends, and internships (many times unpaid, so they'll need to get money to live for during the summer). They need to plan on what campus jobs they'll find, which should be more plentiful on a campus compared to what you described in your current town. They'll even need to think about classes, and what classes they can afford to take (if it's got a bunch of $100 books, then they may need to think of taking something else, or get used books or share books with friends). Tl;dr: Y'all are planning on doing some expensive poo poo when you got less than $0; you need plans, and back up plans, and back up plans for the back up plans. Sorry to lay this all out, but it's just poo poo that I saw and learned and wish I had known about; I hope it's helpful.
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Jun 5, 2013 03:05
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