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M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


After giving it some thought, I've concluded that the best way to bring about social progress is to start a fundraiser to bribe congress into enacting equal rights laws.

How would I go about doing this and how much should I bribe them?

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Enjoy
Apr 18, 2009


Of all the issues you could have picked - prisons, wars, assassinations, wiretapping - you pick equal rights?

Wade Wilson
Jun 9, 2009

Will a 90's sitcom reference do?


Could it be argued that equal rights would necessarily include addressing those other issues?

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Well, we have to go one step at at time.

wateroverfire
Jul 3, 2010
If you piss on my leg I will not only tell you it's raining, but will spend pages condescending to you about how foolish you were to cut down on the asparagus.

M as in Mancy posted:

After giving it some thought, I've concluded that the best way to bring about social progress is to start a fundraiser to bribe congress into enacting equal rights laws.

How would I go about doing this and how much should I bribe them?

Step 1: Identify a specific issue in a way that is relevant to a specific member's district, and the specific remedy you want to address that issue.

Step 2: Get as many people as possible in that district to pledge and sign a petition.

Step 3: Send the petition to the district's house rep, and both senators. Use the accumulated to fund phone bombing all three offices.

Step 4: Repeat 1-3 until successful. Fear of motivated voters works better than bribery.

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


I find that hard to believe, but I'll give it a try.

What exactly is phone bombing?

Flaggy
Jul 6, 2007



Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

M as in Mancy posted:

I find that hard to believe, but I'll give it a try.

What exactly is phone bombing?

Going through the phonebook and calling everyone in it.

HighClassSwankyTime
Jan 16, 2004


Start an internet forum and charge for membership

heiden
May 31, 2005

by Pipski


Using kickstarter for this seems a good idea to me. You could use extension of rights to LGBT as a stretch goal.

Sir Tonk
Apr 18, 2006

11 August 1987

HighClassSwankyTime posted:

Start an internet forum and charge for membership

This guy is going places, keep an eye on him.

mastershakeman
Oct 28, 2008



M as in Mancy posted:

After giving it some thought, I've concluded that the best way to bring about social progress is to start a fundraiser to bribe congress into enacting equal rights laws.

How would I go about doing this and how much should I bribe them?

About a million per politician should do it.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



Why not just organize select members of DnD, have initial consultations with peeps in the know in Washington D.C. like lawyers, and start a worm roots (like grass roots, only starting lower) Think Tank/Non Profit consulting agency, use the rest of DnD as grunt work to do stuff like sign petitions, find donors, and phone calls and whatnot, and make sure the Kool Aid and sharp objects are nowhere in the vicinity for when flame fests and slap fights break out?

For Great Justice!

wateroverfire
Jul 3, 2010
If you piss on my leg I will not only tell you it's raining, but will spend pages condescending to you about how foolish you were to cut down on the asparagus.

Flaggy posted:

Going through the phonebook and calling everyone in it.

In this context, getting a bunch of your supporters / volunteers / paid phone bankers to call into your reps' offices demanding action on the issue.

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Gatts posted:

Why not just organize select members of DnD, have initial consultations with peeps in the know in Washington D.C. like lawyers, and start a worm roots (like grass roots, only starting lower) Think Tank/Non Profit consulting agency, use the rest of DnD as grunt work to do stuff like sign petitions, find donors, and phone calls and whatnot, and make sure the Kool Aid and sharp objects are nowhere in the vicinity for when flame fests and slap fights break out?

For Great Justice!

That sounds like a good idea in theory, but there's no way politicians will listen to that.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



M as in Mancy posted:

That sounds like a good idea in theory, but there's no way politicians will listen to that.

Politicians will listen to when they are threatened to be kicked out of office. I'd think, right? Goal is to become a Think Tank producing good ideas/vision/legislation, getting donors and support, getting the word out through communication to the voters and influencing them to go in your direction and write to peeps in office...so...like...uh...campaigning/advertising or something. Basically, like you said, need lots of money right? If the Organization gets peeps and moola, then it starts to get influence.

Plan B. Let's just run someone, like, I dunno, Brown Moses for Office and then he can be like "Psst, let these peeps in." and then we'll totally get support and elected. First moment of glory will be sneaking in goatse in a presentation about Food Stamps something about Republicans talking out their rear end.

I don't know. I'm just writing off my butt here.

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


They're politicians. They get into office, and stay in office, with bribery, conspiracies, and the occasional assassin.

edit: Decided to check kickstarter. It doesn't seem like they do fundraisers.

Mrit
Sep 25, 2007


M as in Mancy posted:

They're politicians. They get into office, and stay in office, with bribery, conspiracies, and the occasional assassin.

Are you sure you aren't confusing Congress with Game of Thrones?

StarGeezer
Oct 28, 2007

...timeless, formless...


M as in Mancy posted:

After giving it some thought, I've concluded that the best way to bring about social progress is to start a fundraiser to bribe congress into enacting equal rights laws.

How would I go about doing this and how much should I bribe them?

You're joshing, right? In case you're not, you yourself can spend a lifetime becoming some richass who buys them off one at a time. Ask your fellow bankers, military contractor CEO's or offshore stashers how they do it. We ourselves can't afford them and they know it.

Armond Poopson
Apr 29, 2008



Influence can be bought a ridiculous discount. Return on investment for money spent on lobbying is between 6,000% and 75,000%:

http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2013/0...e-lobbying-roi/

Of course, you have to be careful with how you go about things. You also shouldn't focus on silly stuff like getting laws enacted directly. The real way to gain power is to start a series of feeback loops wherein you keep getting money from the government and then re-invest larger and larger portions of that money to secure larger and larger returns.

Form an LLC that has some tenuous link to public service. Call it "Bob's Trees Company" and say it does a really good job of planting trees in public areas. I dunno. Be creative. Find something that absolutely doesn't need to be privatized and then try to get it privatized. It'll work because privatization is an a priori good, and so you don't need to bother proving your company's efficacy or even its basic competence.

Lobby to get paid to plant trees a ridiculously expensive rate. Go nuts. You can probably get away with charging twenty times what the service formally cost the government. You'll get to work practically tax free, so long as you can prove that whatever you're doing creates a handful of job (they can be really lovely jobs, so employee overhead won't be any big thing). If you create enough lovely jobs, you might even get state and local communities to throw some money at you, too. Also, since you're a private contractor you get to be more "efficient," meaning you don't have to worry about all those meddlesome regulations and labor laws that keep the public sector from being productive. Feel free to employ children. Instead of planting oaks, go ahead and plant those Japanese knotweed things that look like trees. Whatever it takes to ensure that you personally get the biggest chunk of the money.

Keep lobbying for bigger and bigger payouts. Just keep repeating this cycle until you have enough to found a think tank.

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


I'll have to keep this in mind, thanks.

Luigi Thirty
Apr 30, 2006

Emergency confection port.


Gatts posted:

Plan B. Let's just run someone, like, I dunno, Brown Moses for Office and then he can be like "Psst, let these peeps in." and then we'll totally get support and elected. First moment of glory will be sneaking in goatse in a presentation about Food Stamps something about Republicans talking out their rear end.

The Pirate Party in Berlin beat you to it, they demanded a break in the state Parliament to watch My Little Pony.

Zeitgueist
Aug 8, 2003



Get a kick-starter going.

Remember, you're "making campaign contributions to support the valiant efforts of Senator X to continue his fight for civil rights" because that's not technically a bribe. Bribes are illegal.

Agents are GO!
Dec 29, 2004

In my day, we crossed burning sand every day -- and liked it!

If kickstarter won't do it, how about Indiegogo?

SedanChair
Jun 1, 2003



Gatts posted:

Why not just organize select members of DnD, have initial consultations with peeps in the know in Washington D.C. like lawyers, and start a worm roots (like grass roots, only starting lower) Think Tank/Non Profit consulting agency, use the rest of DnD as grunt work to do stuff like sign petitions, find donors, and phone calls and whatnot, and make sure the Kool Aid and sharp objects are nowhere in the vicinity for when flame fests and slap fights break out?

For Great Justice!

Because we are all enemies?

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



SedanChair posted:

Because we are all enemies?

We are? But...but...I like a lot of you. Can we, like, at least start a news site called THE FOOKIN' TRUTH or something? I can be the sexy women reporter, like those page 3 girls in the U.K. mags.

Tubgirl Cosplay
Jan 10, 2011

by Ion Helmet


Enjoy posted:

Of all the issues you could have picked - prisons, wars, assassinations, wiretapping - you pick equal rights?

Well the financial bar to clear here is at its simplest the lobbying, campaign contribution, and post-term consulting salary funds of the opposition on that issue, and you could buy and sell a hundred Focus on the Families before you matched up to, say, Boeing. And that's even discarding the less directly mercenary forces entrenching the MIC and the security state in the political system; the dudes you're fighting on the equal rights front are basically hobbyists in K Street terms.

mugrim
Mar 2, 2007

"You know when they tell you about 'the man'

That's me.

I'm 'The man'"

The onion has you beat.

You should probably check out the group public citizen as well.

withak
Jan 15, 2003

F != m * a

Luigi Thirty posted:

The Pirate Party in Berlin beat you to it, they demanded a break in the state Parliament to watch My Little Pony.

Doing it in a proportional-representation system is easy mode though.

Rand alPaul
Feb 3, 2010



wateroverfire posted:

Step 4: Repeat 1-3 until successful. Fear of motivated voters works better than bribery.

That's not true. If 10,000 people call Jim Inhofe about Global Warming he'll just turn off the phones.

amishbuttermaster
Apr 28, 2009


I dunno OP. It might be easier to go through with your original plan to clean the planet of all human life. Or maybe you should just work a little harder on trying to get those anti-psychotic meds that were prescribed after your latest stay in a mental health facility.

Control Volume
Dec 31, 2008

FELICITATIONS


Extort them using the threat of nuclear weaponry then bribe them with the money you get from that.

Smudgie Buggler
Feb 27, 2005

If men were actuated by self-interest the whole human race would cooperate.


Control Volume posted:

Extort them using the threat of nuclear weaponry then bribe them with the money you get from that.

Congress is becoming increasingly desensitised to this tactic, however.

M as in Mancy
Apr 21, 2011

by Y Kant Ozma Post


Closing the thread on account of getting a better idea.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Hahahaha you are so cute. You think you'll ever have the money to pressure congress enough to counter all the rich assholes that are already bribing them. Not going to happen. You can't sell that much rear end and blow. There isn't that much white powder and tail on the planet. Even if you had magically invented Windows, it's not all about physical currency. Don't forget the need to be in the Aristocratic Club for Worthwhile People. Gaining membership involves being richer than God and belonging to the correct country clubs for a few generations.

The Kennedy family has all of this stuff and multiple members of that family have STILL been murdered for trying to shake things up. Many very powerful people have a vested interest in keeping the status quo, and they're all perfectly capable of using any means necessary to counter an intruding force.

Harik
Sep 9, 2001


M as in Mancy posted:

Closing the thread on account of getting a better idea.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Now I want to know what the hell this better idea was that earned him a ban - it was apparently brilliant enough to be instantly purged from the forums.

Edit: Not that this was a terrible idea, it's just that it's only illegal to bribe congress when the little people do it.

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Obdicut
May 15, 2012

I'm Obdicut! You'll go where I go, defile what I defile, eat who I eat!

Harik posted:

Now I want to know what the hell this better idea was that earned him a ban - it was apparently brilliant enough to be instantly purged from the forums.

Edit: Not that this was a terrible idea, it's just that it's only illegal to bribe congress when the little people do it.

This thread, like his others, are sad.

He's either a mentally-ill person on medication who sometimes goes off-meds, or he's a troll pretending to be that. His previous threads have included one about shooting up a MacDonalds, and raising an army to... I forget, kill everyone, take over, something like that.

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