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duckmaster
Sep 13, 2004


NEW THREAD FINALLY

Disclaimer: I'm in Cambodia right now so this OP probably isn't very good, since I haven't really been following the football news recently. Sorry about that.


A quick historical recap of Scotlands football setup:

The SPL was formed sometime in the nineties or something and almost straight away everyone (clubs, fans, players) wanted major reform to make it more competitive and interesting. A couple of seasons ago it suddenly got quite interesting very quickly when Rangers went bust and were reformed as The Rangers, in Division 3. Reform of the national football setup briefly threatened to step up a level, until typical Scottish cronyism and laziness got in the way and came to the compromise we find ourselves with today.

The compromise is thus:

Rather than actually reform the league setup into something which means the average fan doesn't have to go to loving Perth up to three times a season, and rather than do something innovative like spread TV, sponsorship and prize money around a bit, the powers that be decided that the best way to inject new life into the league was to.... change the name. (also the SPL merged with the SFL which is a good thing maybe)

Neil Doncaster, SPFL Chief Executive, had this to say:

quote:

"A mountain of work has been done over the summer to get to this point and I believe there is much more that can be done,"

Ah, a mountain of work! Well let's see what new and brilliant name they've come up with! How many man-hours have been used over the summer to inject passion into Scottish football? Have they brought in overseas consultants from the four corners of the world? Have the boffins used science and sociology to determine what the people really want? Did they maybe even ask the fans?!

quote:

The new top-flight will be called the Scottish Premiership, with the old First Division renamed the Scottish Championship.

Divisions Two and Three will now be known as Scottish League One and Scottish League Two.

No, they didn't. They just stole Englands names, which were made up on the spot by Coca Cola years ago

I'm not sure what to call this new league in shorthand, so I went with Scottish Premiership in the title. We can't even call it The Premiership because that's Englands. For fucks sake, it's a stupid name.



Anyway, like last season I will give a round up of the clubs competing in the SCOTPREMSHIP so anyone interested in getting into Scottish football can use this OP as a guide commit suicide.

I will try to make this as hilarious as last season but I did set the bar pretty high so don't expect miracles. It was officially Grievos turn to do the thread but as his club probably doesn't exist when you're reading this (I haven't checked the BBC website for about six minutes so I'm not 100% sure it exists as I'm writing) I have to do it.


Aberdeen


Who? Aberdeen FC, as reported correctly by myself in the last thread (and wrongly in the one before by someone else), are the most successful Scottish club in Europe, having won two European trophies, one more than the next club to win one. Whoever they are. It doesn't really matter.

As this is my team I can tell you that this is the strongest squad we've had in decades and we didn't want James McFadden anyway.

This season? Were poo poo last season, as usual. BUT THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT!!!

duckmasters league prediction: Look, do you know what? It's a new league so we might as well be optimistic, it's only going to last a season. 1st


Celtic


Who? Celtic were last seasons surprise winners, having scraped wins against the likes of ICT and Dundee and totally fluking it against Aberdeen. Celtic fans will be looking forward to the mouthwatering prospect of another Celtic vs Barcelona tie in the New Year, when their parents buy them Fifa 2014 for Christmas.

This season? Maybe they'll just concentrate on the cups. Maybe.

duckmasters league prediction: 2nd


Partick Thistle


Who? Finally, Glasgows second best team is back in the SPL. Don't really know much about them except when someone in Glasgow asks if you support Celtic or Rangers they're actually trying to find out if you're Catholic or Protestant; the smart answer has always been to reply, "Thistle", so presumably supported by Jews etc.

This season? Sure-fire candidates to go down. They just need to not bother playing the first ten games, heh heh heh.

duckmasters league prediction: 11th


Dundee United


Who?A disgraceful bunch of arseholes with a rapist up front. I don't think he was actually convicted but his name is Goodwillie for goodness sake. Good Willy. Or not.

This season? They've only got the rapist till Christmas so they won't handle the pace. Top six at a canter, but not much better.

duckmasters league prediction: 4th


Heart of Midlothian


Who? Broke and with a 15 point deduction (administration), they haven't got a chance in hell. Tried to organise a fire-sale of their players at the end of last season to raise some money, but then realised their entire team was poo poo. The good ones had already gone to the Third Division, expect the crap ones to follow shortly.

This season? Down.

duckmasters league prediction: 12th


Hibernian


Who? Soon to be Edinburghs premier team, Hibernian are just mini-Celtic. Their main rivals also have no money and won't be in the SPL for some time yet. Their team is pretty crap due to lack of funds; despite selling a few players for multi-million pound sums a few years ago, someone left the light on in the trophy room and Scottish Gas has it all now.

This season? Oh, I don't know. Where did they finish last season? I wasn't paying attention. Who cares.

duckmasters league prediction: 6th


Inverness Caledonian Thistle


Who? How the hell are this bunch still in this league. You drive for hours and hours to get there and when you finally arrive you realise you're in Inverness. How do they attract players to play for them? I'm baffled.

This season? They keep doing quite well so this is a tough one. Don't think they'll be any match for their closest rivals, the mighty Aberdeen (they aren't our closest rivals, though. Tragic.) so mid table obscurity.

duckmasters league prediction: 7th


Kilmarnock


Who? Squirrels on their crest! Squirrels! The closest thing to Rangers we have left in the SPL. But the squirrels! Did you see the squirrels?

There are no squirrels in Ayrshire, unfortunately. The people there live on something like a pound a day and have eaten them all.

This season? Unwanted, unloved, rubbish.

duckmasters league prediction: 9th


Motherwell


Who? We didn't want James McFadden. Nobody did. Seriously. we totally did

This season? Aberdeens toughest competition.

duckmasters league prediction: 3rd


Ross County


Who? Unbelievably this lot are from north of Inverness. I've never been there, I'm not entirely sure they actually exist. Pretty much the proof that football is all about TV money these days and the six people in Ross County (wherever that is) don't need to buy tickets to support their club.

This season? Didn't they do well last season? Maybe.

duckmasters league prediction: 10th


St Johnstone


Who? Another of last seasons surprise over-achievers, this is now completely irrelevant since they're in a new league. Normal service will resume, although it is a bit weird seeing them in Europe. By the time you read this they probably won't be.

This season? Normal service has resumed, back to mid table nothingness.

duckmasters league prediction: 8th


St Mirren


Who? St Mirren play in Paisley, just outside Glasgow, which is kind of like visiting Hitlers room in hell. Haven't really done anything interesting lately, and probably won't in the future.

This season? Best of the rest?

duckmasters league prediction: 7th


That's it. LET THE BITCHING COMMENCE.

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euroboy
Mar 23, 2004



Come on Hibs

chuggo is BACK
Jul 1, 2008




"Chuggo"


euroboy posted:

Come on Hibs

Don't mind if I do

El Patron
Jul 8, 2011

The Tribe of Extreme will rise again!

Love the thread title.

radge
Jan 21, 2005

hibs are shite


Hibs are officially the second force in Scottish Football.

irlZaphod
Mar 26, 2004

Original Sin Murderer
Wild Guess #271
"Smilin'" Glen Johnson

"What thief walks through the till? I told Uatu that we did not know there was a difference and offered to pay for the other toilet seat."


Scottish football is like Irish football, but with sectarianism. Also, we know our league is poo poo.

Pat Fenlon made a huge mistake.

duckmaster
Sep 13, 2004


El Patron posted:

Love the thread title.

Thanks, pretty proud of of this one.

Seeing a bit too much hibs love so far.

Barehanded Brother
Feb 12, 2007

When you have a Hammer, everything looks like a nail.


well then time to bring in the yank Celtic love then

e: that's me, by the way

irlZaphod
Mar 26, 2004

Original Sin Murderer
Wild Guess #271
"Smilin'" Glen Johnson

"What thief walks through the till? I told Uatu that we did not know there was a difference and offered to pay for the other toilet seat."


Barehanded Brother posted:

well then time to bring in the yank Celtic love then

e: that's me, by the way
Hmmmm yes, this will improve the thread immeasurably.

Coohoolin
Aug 5, 2012

[Hypnotized attempt at a British accent]
I brought you your orange sher-bert.


The Dons are gonna tear poo poo up this season.

DJ Ramshackle
Nov 26, 2009

Not really a DJ

not quite a ramshackle


My dad's team is Thistle and I went to a few games last year, that makes me an official Partick expert. So watch out for The Jags I guess.

SuperHunBastard1690
Feb 3, 2008

Tracyanne...


hibs are poo poo

Grievo
Jul 13, 2006

God.


radge posted:

Hibs are officially the second force in Scottish Football.

Total Meatlove
Jan 28, 2007


Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;


SuperHunBastard1690 posted:

hibs are poo poo

Everything is poo poo

Borogrove
Apr 12, 2008




Someone send the Samaritans around to Radges house.

Popehoist
Feb 5, 2008

There you go rubens, all your fault! You went on the wrong side of the car!


Please don't diss my hometown city in the OP, thanku

Ramagamma
Feb 2, 2008

Life is too short. Play More.

You know all those tedious posts where everyone says "Hibs are poo poo".

Well you are. St Johnstone are class. What a match. Stuff that in your haggis.

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

This post was a bitch, and I spanked it.


Barehanded Brother posted:

well then time to bring in the yank Celtic love then

e: that's me, by the way

I'm sorry, the League of Ireland thread is over there.

I'm also a Yank Celtic plastic, but someone had to make the joke. Plus I would have linked the LoI thread but I'm on my phone

African AIDS cum
Feb 29, 2012


I LOVE BUYING GAMES


Aw yeah I love this quality league, some great franchises. Hibs are poo poo.

ally_1986
Apr 3, 2011

Wait...I had something for this...


New Thread hazzah. Also Hibs getting beat 7-0 ahah, the prospect of Hearts being relegated, still no Gers, another team in Glasgow to go watch, and yes Faddy has come home. Good times.

Seriously worried this might actually be Aberdeen's year, they have decent manager, also St Johnstone beating Rosenberg could be a tough season to clinch 2nd.

Also as usual we sold many a good player, but have made some good signings and Faddy has the quality to single handily replace all Higdons goals.

With McManus seems like a potentially great signing and the continuing home coming of Scottish "talent" I imagine the league will be the most exciting tightest race... well from 2nd to 11th place

Also the whole England vs Scotland game to get over optimistic then depressed about.

duckmaster
Sep 13, 2004


The Scotland squad is actually really strong. We've got players from some really massive clubs, like Real Mallorca, Celtic, Liverpool, Blackburn Rovers and, of course, the mighty Unattached.

What a kick in the nuts for every Scottish defender on the planet.

28 Gun Bad Boy
Nov 5, 2009

Never been to Belgium

ally_1986 posted:

Also as usual we sold many a good player, but have made some good signings and Faddy has the quality to single handily replace all Higdons goals.

Well, we sold a good player, the rest buggered off for free. But we knew that'd happen anyway. At least we got a decent bit of cash for Ojamma, and it looks like we're signing that other Estonian on loan who'll hopefully surprise us just like Henrik did.

Quite happy with the replacements McCall has signed, especially Faddy and McManus. Just a shame we won't be able to get another pacey winger that we really need to replace Humphrey, at least that's what Kenny Black has said. The trip to Krosnador is costing a fortune for the club. At least we probably won't gently caress up as badly as Hibs.

Barehanded Brother
Feb 12, 2007

When you have a Hammer, everything looks like a nail.


I always hoped McManus would come back to Celtic. He's the reason I became a Celtic fan in the first place, after my genealogically inclined granddad found out he's a not-so-distant relative. I even still have the old green and black away replica with his name emblazoned on the back.

Now I have to consider supporting Motherwell but I'm not sure if they're Catholic enough

SuperHunBastard1690
Feb 3, 2008

Tracyanne...


Barehanded Brother posted:

I always hoped McManus would come back to Celtic. He's the reason I became a Celtic fan in the first place, after my genealogically inclined granddad found out he's a not-so-distant relative. I even still have the old green and black away replica with his name emblazoned on the back.

Now I have to consider supporting Motherwell but I'm not sure if they're Catholic enough

West of Scotland team that aren't Rangers. They are all dirty Catholics.

SuperHunBastard1690
Feb 3, 2008

Tracyanne...


SuperHunBastard1690 posted:

West of Scotland team that aren't Rangers. They are all dirty Catholics.

West of Scotland teams that aren't Celtic are all dirty prods.

These are both facts.

jre
Sep 2, 2011

To the cloud ?





SuperHunBastard1690 posted:

hibs are poo poo

I saw that result and thought gently caress that's a bad aggregate score, then I read the match report

Here's hoping St Johnstone & Motherwell can make the group stages.

African AIDS cum
Feb 29, 2012


I LOVE BUYING GAMES


Hibs lost 7-0 in a real match. Wow thats an rear end knocking. Seems like they're a horrible team.

El Patron
Jul 8, 2011

The Tribe of Extreme will rise again!

Barehanded Brother posted:

I always hoped McManus would come back to Celtic. He's the reason I became a Celtic fan in the first place, after my genealogically inclined granddad found out he's a not-so-distant relative. I even still have the old green and black away replica with his name emblazoned on the back.

Now I have to consider supporting Motherwell but I'm not sure if they're Catholic enough

Always sends a shiver up my spine when I think back to that defensive pairing of Caldwell and McManus...

Anyhoo, nice to see some new yankee Tims posting on the thread, generally this thread only attracts new posters during the pre season and early days before it whittles down to the same 7 or 8 cunts posting every other week.

Her Dryer
Oct 14, 2012


El Patron posted:

Always sends a shiver up my spine when I think back to that defensive pairing of Caldwell and McManus...

Anyhoo, nice to see some new yankee Tims posting on the thread, generally this thread only attracts new posters during the pre season and early days before it whittles down to the same 7 or 8 cunts posting every other week.

Funnily enough L.A Noire had a detective pairing of Caldwell and McManus, must have been the work of a time. Got a chuckle out of me.

Not such a good CB partnership though, even if it sounds weird saying that about a team who won 3 in a row and done pretty good in Europe.

jre
Sep 2, 2011

To the cloud ?





Her Dryer posted:

Funnily enough L.A Noire had a detective pairing of Caldwell and McManus, must have been the work of a time. Got a chuckle out of me.

Not such a good CB partnership though, even if it sounds weird saying that about a team who won 3 in a row and done pretty good in Europe.

I still have nightmares about Thierry Henry owning Caldwell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az9Ef9IyiN4

Semprini
Sep 28, 2004



McManus and Caldwell were slightly above average when they had a solid holding midfielder in front of them.

And utter poo poo when they didn't.

Troy Queef
Jan 12, 2013

This post was a bitch, and I spanked it.


jre posted:

I still have nightmares about Thierry Henry owning Caldwell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=az9Ef9IyiN4

All that video did was remind me how much I miss the two ballboys on their little plastic stools behind the goals at Parkhead, going mental after goals with the full knowledge that they're on TV.

Chas McGill
Oct 29, 2010

"Does a superman have super-hunger, Gerry? Super-loneliness?"

Just watched the Dons paste Twente 2-0 - great night. I think the Dutchmen were unnerved by the patrol of the gullwaffe that flew a circuit round the stadium from 50 minutes onwards.

Coohoolin
Aug 5, 2012

[Hypnotized attempt at a British accent]
I brought you your orange sher-bert.


Chas McGill posted:

Just watched the Dons paste Twente 2-0 - great night. I think the Dutchmen were unnerved by the patrol of the gullwaffe that flew a circuit round the stadium from 50 minutes onwards.

GIve us a shout next time for god's sake, I was meant to go but my mate cancelled on me so I ended up in the Bobbin following the match on my phone. Is Pawlett actually becoming good? I was surprised at the scoreline given the lineup we went in with. Bonus points were seeing drunk Twente fans leaving the Pittodrie bar and hobbling down King's street with their shirts off.

radge
Jan 21, 2005

hibs are shite


Ahahahah thank you Heart of Midlothian - after a weekend of moping about Hibs European capitulation, they remind me that it could be worse.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23491885

African AIDS cum
Feb 29, 2012


I LOVE BUYING GAMES


Actually being green poo poo and losing 7-0 is worse imo. Hibs are poo poo.

jre
Sep 2, 2011

To the cloud ?





Dunfermline have managed to secure a CVA, possibly going to end up fan owned.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23494323

Chas McGill
Oct 29, 2010

"Does a superman have super-hunger, Gerry? Super-loneliness?"

Coohoolin posted:

GIve us a shout next time for god's sake, I was meant to go but my mate cancelled on me so I ended up in the Bobbin following the match on my phone. Is Pawlett actually becoming good? I was surprised at the scoreline given the lineup we went in with. Bonus points were seeing drunk Twente fans leaving the Pittodrie bar and hobbling down King's street with their shirts off.
Will do although I don't often make it to league matches. Went to the friendly because it was 10 and a fun friday night. We barely contained them in the first half, but were a lot stronger in the second. Clinical finishes. I honestly didn't recognise a lot of the young players who got minutes, although I know that one of them (Hector) was a triallist from Reading.

Borogrove
Apr 12, 2008




jre posted:

Dunfermline have managed to secure a CVA, possibly going to end up fan owned.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23494323

they get to keep their history! same company, no liquidation!

well done dunfermline!

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Coohoolin
Aug 5, 2012

[Hypnotized attempt at a British accent]
I brought you your orange sher-bert.


Chas or duckmaster fancy a trup to pittodrie the morn?

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