Vasectomy Megathread - The First Cut is the Deepest!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Vasectomy Megathread - The First Cut is the Deepest!

Math Debater: May 6, 2007; by zen death robot

I was hoping to get a vasectomy before leaving the U.S. for Thailand in late August, and I had a consultation appointment with Planned Parenthood last month. Unfortunately, I was informed yesterday that the earliest time that it would be possible for me to get a vasectomy at the local PP clinic is in September, by which time I'll be in Southeast Asia.

There are other urology clinics in the area where I could get a vasectomy, but I'm sure it would be more expensive at those places than at Planned Parenthood. And I've been wanting to pay out of pocket instead of using my parents' health insurance so that I can get the procedure done without my parents finding out about it. At this point, I think I'll just hold off on the vasectomy and perhaps explore the possibility of getting the procedure done in Thailand. I anticipate that, in the meantime, it will not be too difficult for me to avoid causing any pregnancies to occur.

# ? Jun 26, 2014 17:02

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 18, 2024 16:22

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

Math Debater posted:

I was hoping to get a vasectomy before leaving the U.S. for Thailand in late August, and I had a consultation appointment with Planned Parenthood last month. Unfortunately, I was informed yesterday that the earliest time that it would be possible for me to get a vasectomy at the local PP clinic is in September, by which time I'll be in Southeast Asia.

There are other urology clinics in the area where I could get a vasectomy, but I'm sure it would be more expensive at those places than at Planned Parenthood. And I've been wanting to pay out of pocket instead of using my parents' health insurance so that I can get the procedure done without my parents finding out about it. At this point, I think I'll just hold off on the vasectomy and perhaps explore the possibility of getting the procedure done in Thailand. I anticipate that, in the meantime, it will not be too difficult for me to avoid causing any pregnancies to occur.

How long are you going there for? And I'm fairly sure it'd be a cheap operation even elsewhere, although as a Brit I don't have to worry about the price of such things. All it cost me was a weeks vacation time.

# ? Jun 26, 2014 20:54

Math Debater: May 6, 2007; by zen death robot

I'm uncertain about how long I'll be there, but I'm pretty sure it would generally be cheaper there than in the U.S. And yeah, I'm really envious of people who live in the U.K. and other places where guys who don't want to breed can get free vasectomies!

# ? Jun 27, 2014 05:23

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Math Debater posted:

I'm uncertain about how long I'll be there, but I'm pretty sure it would generally be cheaper there than in the U.S. And yeah, I'm really envious of people who live in the U.K. and other places where guys who don't want to breed can get free vasectomies!

My insurance paid for the whole thing, except something like 10% of the cost of the meds afterwards, which was a total of less than $3.

The doc even provided the peas.

# ? Jun 27, 2014 06:00

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

FAUXTON posted:

My insurance paid for the whole thing, except something like 10% of the cost of the meds afterwards, which was a total of less than $3.

The doc even provided the peas.

That's cheaper than mine even! I had to pay around �5 for some over the counter but strong pain killers just incase (only took an ibuprofen in the end not the strong stuff but it was nice to know its there) and had to use my own peas.

I actually used sweet corn.

# ? Jun 27, 2014 10:46

A c E: Jun 18, 2007; Is this weird? Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?

Masonity posted:

That's cheaper than mine even! I had to pay around £5 for some over the counter but strong pain killers just incase (only took an ibuprofen in the end not the strong stuff but it was nice to know its there) and had to use my own peas.

I actually used sweet corn.

I didn't pay a cent for mine, not even for the T3s! Yay Canada!

# ? Jun 28, 2014 04:50

Alain Perdrix: Dec 19, 2007; Howdy!

I want to get a vasectomy. I'm excited, there are some great urologists in my city who do the no needle/no scalpel procedure (even if that is kind of a misnomer), and I won't have to pay for anything, due to :canada:

In terms of long-term impact on physical activity, though � has anyone here experienced anything like that? I like doing activities like boxing, wrestling, & muay thai. Obviously it's going to be a little while before I can do those again, but I'm worried about all these goons in here saying "my balls are permanently tender now". Certainly, I'd be wearing athletic protection while engaging in any of those sports, but is it so bad that, say, jumping around and running cause you pain in the long term as well?

Alain Perdrix fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Jul 7, 2014

# ? Jul 7, 2014 00:11

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Alain Perdrix posted:

I want to get a vasectomy. I'm excited, there are some great urologists in my city who do the no needle/no scalpel procedure (even if that is kind of a misnomer), and I won't have to pay for anything, due to

In terms of long-term impact on physical activity, though � has anyone here experienced anything like that? I like doing activities like boxing, wrestling, & muay thai. Obviously it's going to be a little while before I can do those again, but I'm worried about all these goons in here saying "my balls are permanently tender now". Certainly, I'd be wearing athletic protection while engaging in any of those sports, but is it so bad that, say, jumping around and running cause you pain in the long term as well?

I haven't had any residual pain at all, but when I had to sling my balls up the pain was definitely coming from the "jangling" of moving around too clumsily and not holding a wide enough stance. I assume if you've got good support you won't have much difficulty even if you are one of the minuscule few with ongoing tenderness.

# ? Jul 7, 2014 02:06

Alain Perdrix: Dec 19, 2007; Howdy!

That is encouraging.

# ? Jul 8, 2014 01:34

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

I'll put it to you this way: Given your active lifestyle, you've probably taken a shot to the nuts before. Now imagine that a slow jog can give you similar pain. That's how it was for me, but that went away after a month or two.

# ? Jul 8, 2014 16:28

Siamang: Nov 15, 2003

Alain Perdrix posted:

I want to get a vasectomy. I'm excited, there are some great urologists in my city who do the no needle/no scalpel procedure (even if that is kind of a misnomer), and I won't have to pay for anything, due to

In terms of long-term impact on physical activity, though � has anyone here experienced anything like that? I like doing activities like boxing, wrestling, & muay thai. Obviously it's going to be a little while before I can do those again, but I'm worried about all these goons in here saying "my balls are permanently tender now". Certainly, I'd be wearing athletic protection while engaging in any of those sports, but is it so bad that, say, jumping around and running cause you pain in the long term as well?

I got a vasectomy a decade ago and once past the initial recovery period (for me it was about 2-3 weeks) have had no issues snowboarding, lifting weights, or doing brazilian jiu-jitsu. I've taken a few knees to the balls and it wasn't any worse than pre-vasectomy nutshots. For me, everything works just like it did before. Just make sure to give it enough time to heal.

# ? Jul 8, 2014 17:52

Alain Perdrix: Dec 19, 2007; Howdy!

Awesome. I don't have any desire to try and overtax myself during the healing period (and I've got a shoulder injury that I need to keep rehabbing anyway), so I'm hoping I'll come out of it alright.

# ? Jul 11, 2014 05:40

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Alain Perdrix posted:

Awesome. I don't have any desire to try and overtax myself during the healing period (and I've got a shoulder injury that I need to keep rehabbing anyway), so I'm hoping I'll come out of it alright.

Just keep peas on it and stay seated with a wide stance as much as possible. The pain is somewhat almost barely controllable with OTC pain relief but if they give you prescription pain pills you'll be more comfortable. I liken it to over-exercise pain, severity-wise. Dull, persistent, worse with movement. Advil or whatever will knock it down a notch but you'll still have discomfort.

Be an rear end in a top hat to any lap pets you may have so they avoid you for a few days, you do NOT want a cat jumping on you much less a dog.

# ? Jul 11, 2014 06:42

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

I used extra strength tylenol for several days after my procedure and that kept everything comfortable enough. The doctor told me not to use advil/motrin/ibuprofen because it can cause bleeding. I never felt like I needed anything stronger than tylenol, but I certainly took the max dose of tylenol for that few days.

# ? Jul 11, 2014 17:34

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Reposting this from the general sex thread, as I thought this topic was dead:

Cuckoo posted:

I have a vasectomy-related problem that's scaring the poo poo out of me.

Recently, the guy I am currently with had made the decision to have a vasectomy. He was adamant about no kids, and I fully supported him. He went through with it, needed ice on his balls for a couple of days but felt fine afterwards, and everything seemed cool. However, there is a side effect appearing that has us both scared shitless. While he can gain and maintain erections and still cum, even with his balls still being a bit tender, he says the orgasms themselves are far less intense. I do notice that before his jizz could fly at least 3 feet and now it just kind of dribbles out. There is also slightly less load volume. We don't care about either of that, though. He says his balls don't draw up or have as much pressure, and that his resulting orgasms are less intense and over with quicker. It could be psychological, or the tiny lingering pain of the vasectomy throwing him off. Maybe he's not even truly orgasming at the moment and is having one of those retrograde ejaculations with no actual orgasm to back it. My biggest fear is the doctor hosed up a nerve and permanently affected his ability to have regular orgasms.

Of course it could be other things; his balls aren't still back to normal as it's only been a couple of weeks. He's also been jacking off a lot, both to clear the old sperm out of his system and to try and see if the problem gets better as the days go by. He said he had a "different feeling, but still good" orgasm the very first time he jacked it after the vasectomy which was only several days later, and they have gotten weaker and worse ever since. He also says there is a slight twinge of pain in his right nut right when he orgasms still. He will be going in for a checkup with the doctor in several weeks, and will of course bring it up to him. He is going to hold off on jacking it just to let his balls recover more and to see if the issue is a matter of needing more buildup. I also told him to exercise his PC muscles as much as possible if it doesn't hurt him.

This seems fairly rare on the internet and I'm having problems finding solutions - most Google searching leads to guys who flat out can't get boners or cum anymore, which doesn't seem to be his issue. If worse comes to worse, can a reversal fix this or is it permanent? Has anyone had similar issues with a vasectomy, and did it go away in time? Is there a way he can have stronger orgasms even with this?

We're both worried about it but the current game plan is to chill, have him not jack off for a couple of weeks, and to see what the doctor says. We realize it could be a month or two before he could be anywhere near "normal" again. Still, this is really scary and he wants a reversal if this change turns out to be permanent.

# ? Jul 31, 2014 06:08

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

Firstly my doctor told me no touchy touchy for a week or two. He climbed back on board the spanktrain too soon. A week or two off isn't a bad idea.

Secondly the volume (after recovery at least) will be slightly smaller due to no sperm but it shouldn't be noticeable.

Orgasms do feel different but still good for a month or so, then things settle and they just feel like, well, orgasms.

If it's still not back to normal in a couple of months I'd guess psychological. Until then he has to remember he's supposed to be recovering from an operation. Of course things won't be straight back to normal.

# ? Jul 31, 2014 08:29

Siamang: Nov 15, 2003

quote:

his balls still being a bit tender

plus

quote:

He's also been jacking off a lot

His balls haven't healed up, is stressed about his sexual performance, and is jerking off frequently. That's like a perfect way to experience diminished orgasms. He needs to relax both mentally and physically. And to stay hydrated if semen quantity is a concern, I guess?

# ? Jul 31, 2014 13:07

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

Thanks all, you make me feel better already and I figured he was going at it too much too early.

However, to clarify, his problem isn't in getting hard or climaxing. His problem seems to be related more to ejaculation itself. This will be tough for me to explain without the parts, but I'll try. When a guy ejaculates his balls tighten and draw up higher into the scrotum before he shoots. His problem is that his balls are barely tightening at the moment of climaxing, leading him to have poor muscle contractions and therefore less powerful ejaculations from a physical standpoint. He says this less powerful physical sensation is hurting his orgasms overall.

If it's just his balls being too tender to perform right, that's nothing to worry about. We are just worried if underpowered ejaculation contractions are permanent.

# ? Jul 31, 2014 13:51

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Cuckoo posted:

Thanks all, you make me feel better already and I figured he was going at it too much too early.

However, to clarify, his problem isn't in getting hard or climaxing. His problem seems to be related more to ejaculation itself. This will be tough for me to explain without the parts, but I'll try. When a guy ejaculates his balls tighten and draw up higher into the scrotum before he shoots. His problem is that his balls are barely tightening at the moment of climaxing, leading him to have poor muscle contractions and therefore less powerful ejaculations from a physical standpoint. He says this less powerful physical sensation is hurting his orgasms overall.

If it's just his balls being too tender to perform right, that's nothing to worry about. We are just worried if underpowered ejaculation contractions are permanent.

His scrotum has been cut open and parts of the tubing down there have been cauterized and severed. He needs to wait or else he's never going to be any more powerful than a kinked garden hose.

E: To follow up, I didn't have any issues like that but I had the "no-needle/no-scalpel" procedure. Since it deals with punching holes in the side of the scrotum rather than making full-on incisions it probably has a quicker recovery. Regardless I was celibate for a couple weeks and was still a little "weak" for a week or so after that. I doubt the procedure did anything with the musculature in your guy's case but he probably has been hit with local anesthetic and is dealing with surgery in the immediate area. Inflammation is a normal part of the healing process, that might be playing into it, etc.

TL;DR: Dude should keep his tool in the shed for a while longer, he's had work done and needs to recover. Just like knee surgery or back surgery, you need to recover before poo poo's back to normal. I don't whip out a measuring tape or anything but I haven't noticed any decrease in forcefulness or what have you. If anything it's better because no kids no kids lalalalalala.

FAUXTON fucked around with this message at 15:18 on Jul 31, 2014

# ? Jul 31, 2014 14:33

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

After a tetanus shot that arm feels weak for a few days. Is there any surprise that a week after having surgery the muscles in that area aren't firing at full capacity?

By this time next year the vasectomy will be the best decision he ever made. Trust me. Until then I prescribe a course of steaks and blow jobs. The suction at the moment of orgasm draws the ouchies out and superpowers the muscles.
Two weeks of one steak a night and absolute abstinence followed by a month of three bjs a day at eight hour intervals should fix everything.

# ? Jul 31, 2014 20:04

The Ferret King: Nov 23, 2003; cluck cluck

Masonity posted:

Until then I prescribe a course of steaks and blow jobs. The suction at the moment of orgasm draws the ouchies out and superpowers the muscles.
Two weeks of one steak a night and absolute abstinence followed by a month of three bjs a day at eight hour intervals should fix everything.

Thank you doctor. You do God's work.

# ? Jul 31, 2014 20:48

sildargod: Oct 25, 2010

I'm booked for next Tuesday, will do the proper aftercare and relaxing. Has anyone had any experience regarding using a motorbike as opposed to a car in the following weeks? My bike is comfy and all, but my nuts seem more prone to potential bashing around/pressure on a bike seat than in a car.

# ? Aug 28, 2014 15:53

Glorified Scrivener: May 4, 2007; His tongue it could not speak, but only flatter.

sildargod posted:

I'm booked for next Tuesday, will do the proper aftercare and relaxing. Has anyone had any experience regarding using a motorbike as opposed to a car in the following weeks? My bike is comfy and all, but my nuts seem more prone to potential bashing around/pressure on a bike seat than in a car.

Not a motorbike, but I can definitely counsel against riding a bicycle for at least the first two weeks.

# ? Aug 28, 2014 16:01

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

sildargod posted:

I'm booked for next Tuesday, will do the proper aftercare and relaxing. Has anyone had any experience regarding using a motorbike as opposed to a car in the following weeks? My bike is comfy and all, but my nuts seem more prone to potential bashing around/pressure on a bike seat than in a car.

I would say avoid it, just because of where your weight is resting in comparison to a car. If you do, sling the boys up with a jock and cinch'em tight.

# ? Aug 28, 2014 16:29

sildargod: Oct 25, 2010

I did the ride home yesterday paying close attention to the bouncing and jolting. I am a firm believer that it's the worst possible idea in the the list of really stupid ideas I have come up with over the course of my life. No motorbike riding.

# ? Aug 29, 2014 08:21

EoRaptor: Sep 13, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Knowing the FDA, 2017 is little optimistic, but everybody should support this, it's a huge change in how we approach male involvement in birth control*.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/09/09/we-ll-have-male-birth-control-by-2017.html

*And birth control in general, really.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 19:46

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

They've been printing the same article for 10+ years. I would be stoked if it ever happened, but "some tiny company you've never heard of is hoping to start testing it on humans next year" is not like "hot drat, get ready" territory just yet. It's like all those "cancer cured!!" headlines with "in a Petri dish, for one unusual strain, and it killed everything else too" body text.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 21:00

EoRaptor: Sep 13, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Anne Whateley posted:

They've been printing the same article for 10+ years. I would be stoked if it ever happened, but "some tiny company you've never heard of is hoping to start testing it on humans next year" is not like "hot drat, get ready" territory just yet. It's like all those "cancer cured!!" headlines with "in a Petri dish, for one unusual strain, and it killed everything else too" body text.

Completely true. There is a lot of quiet pushback against men taking responsibility for their own procreation abilities, and there is also the lack of high margin returns on the investment of getting FDA approval for this type of product (low cost, long usage life).

Still, they have completed a series of animal trials, so are farther ahead than most. It should be something we support simply as matter of good equity and good societal behavior. Even if this attempt at it fails, the idea, and male birth control in general, should not be abandoned because it's too difficult.

So, I have hope.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 20:48

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

On the upside, I don't have to worry about that poo poo ever.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 03:48

Stockholm: Apr 6, 2010

So my husband is going for his vasectomy in about 10 minutes! And I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. Even though we never asked any questions, most of your stories and experiences were a big help. Thanks guys.

# ? Sep 18, 2014 17:39

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Stockholm posted:

So my husband is going for his vasectomy in about 10 minutes! And I just wanted to say thanks to all of you. Even though we never asked any questions, most of your stories and experiences were a big help. Thanks guys.

Pamper your husband this weekend. Make sure he has plenty of water and snacks nearby, and a cooler with frozen peas on standby. You'll need plenty of soft washcloths to wrap the bags of peas. Medical advice is as little movement as possible, likely having him in a recliner with a fairly wide stance as it were. If you have pets, be ready to intercept them because the boys will be exceedingly tender and any jangling from a cat seeking petting or a dog jumping up will be pure torture and could cause a delay in recovery.

In other words, his balls need to take it easy. He'll be grateful and the faster he recovers, the faster he can get those sperm tests done to confirm sterility.

E:

Hope your doctor sends a card as awesome as the one mine did.

FAUXTON fucked around with this message at 02:52 on Sep 19, 2014

# ? Sep 19, 2014 02:47

Stockholm: Apr 6, 2010

Pampering him like crazy. He has taken care of me during my periods for the past 7 years, so it's his turn now. He has no pain whatsoever, and no swelling at all, because I buried him in icepacks after the procedure.
He's currently playing Destiny, occupying my papasan and I'm going to cook him something delicious.
The only thing that's really bothering him, is the fact that the weather is really hot and I'm not wearing many clothes, and now he made me put on some extra layers so I won't look that sexy. That's all, really.

His doctor actually gave me the two pieces of vas he removed, for savekeeping! When my husband gets the all clear, in 3 months, I'm gonna make a nice pair of fridge magnets out of them.

# ? Sep 19, 2014 15:30

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Stockholm posted:

Pampering him like crazy. He has taken care of me during my periods for the past 7 years, so it's his turn now. He has no pain whatsoever, and no swelling at all, because I buried him in icepacks after the procedure.
He's currently playing Destiny, occupying my papasan and I'm going to cook him something delicious.
The only thing that's really bothering him, is the fact that the weather is really hot and I'm not wearing many clothes, and now he made me put on some extra layers so I won't look that sexy. That's all, really.

His doctor actually gave me the two pieces of vas he removed, for savekeeping! When my husband gets the all clear, in 3 months, I'm gonna make a nice pair of fridge magnets out of them.

Hah. I sympathize with the guy, I tried to make sure I got mine after it started getting cool and WHAM! 80+ degree days in very late September. We made up for it later but it was torture.

# ? Sep 19, 2014 15:51

Masonity: Dec 31, 2007; What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?

Wow, really? I assumed my experience was normal. I had no interest at all in anything sexual for a few days after. While it was all ultra tender I had pretty much no sex drive. Of course my mojo came back long before it was safe to actually gently caress (so I had to make do with manual stimulation) but that first few days I think i could have watched my wife having sex with two or three of my favourite celeb crushes without so much as a twinge.

My body was nice and temporarily shut that poo poo down.

# ? Sep 19, 2014 23:53

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Masonity posted:

Wow, really? I assumed my experience was normal. I had no interest at all in anything sexual for a few days after. While it was all ultra tender I had pretty much no sex drive. Of course my mojo came back long before it was safe to actually gently caress (so I had to make do with manual stimulation) but that first few days I think i could have watched my wife having sex with two or three of my favourite celeb crushes without so much as a twinge.

My body was nice and temporarily shut that poo poo down.

It may have been a factor of the method of surgery. I had the no-needle, no-scalpel (actually the needle and the scalpel are both involved but the initial anesthetic comes from a hypospray, followed by an actual needle, followed by a wide-gauge needle to put holes in the scrote, then he pulled the vas out, severed with an actual scalpel, clipped and cauterized the ends, then buried those fuckers good.) The "incision" was more like a piercing or a biopsy size, so it was just covered over with steri-strips and I was sent on my merry way with a complimentary bag of kroger store brand peas and a scrip for drugs. There wasn't much widespread swelling and not much of an indication that my body sensed much "trauma" there, so once I managed the pain there was definitely plenty of response.

FAUXTON fucked around with this message at 00:40 on Sep 20, 2014

# ? Sep 20, 2014 00:36

Tindjin: Aug 4, 2006; Do not seek death.
Death will find you.
But seek the road
which makes death a fulfillment.

Interesting article on Yahoo this morning..

https://www.yahoo.com/health/what-it-feels-like-to-have-a-vasectomy-101624706952.html

Interesting to see someone write about it in mass media.

# ? Nov 4, 2014 16:15

Astrognome: Jun 2, 2011

Just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the stories and information. I just scheduled my procedure for December 18 and felt like I was already well educated on the topic when I went in for my consult. Got no pushback despite being 26 with no kids, and it's going to cost me all of $30 through my insurance (Kaiser mid Atlantic, I'm in the US).

Can't wait to join the ranks. No babies for me.

Edit: had the procedure done five days ago, came home and popped a couple Tylenol and grabbed my frozen peas. Didn't need any Tylenol past day one and the only thing bothering me now is my stitches occasionally catching on my underwear. 10/10 would have balls chopped off again.

Astrognome fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Dec 23, 2014

# ? Nov 24, 2014 21:47

DC to Daylight: Feb 13, 2012

After finding this thread to be a valuable resource, I thought I should share my story. I'll try to emphasize things that haven't been said much.

Dec 9 - The Consult
Went in for the consultation.

I was thinking about how some goons mentioned the need to justify their vasectomy to the urologist. Then I thought, 'Goons will be goons.'

"Age?"
"34"

"Married?"
"Yes"

"Kids?"
"No"

"I assume this is a mutual decision?"
"Yes"

Then he went to one of the pharmaceutical company provided posters of the male urinary/reproductive systems and started to explain the procedure to me in simple terms. I sort of kept cutting him off (wasn't trying to be an rear end), and he joked that I should have given the talk. I was thinking 'who gets an operation on their balls to get sterilized and isn't familiar with what is going to occur? Hell, who gets the master cylinder in their car replaced at the shop with so little knowledge?" He asks to see my scrotum and feels around a bit. I asked what he was doing. I was thinking testicular cancer check, but he mentioned that something like one in a thousand men are born with an improperly formed/non-existant vas. I also asked if a vasectomy increases the risk of testicular torsion. He said no and I felt like we had a rapport.
The next day, I book my appointment with his secretary. Usually they do the snip-snip on Fridays, but I have the week of New Year's off. I receive a letter in the mail with the minimalist instructions to not take aspririn for 7 days before and to bring an athletic supporter. I buy a 3 pack of "jocks" from Amazon, and they turn out to be like slightly more risque underwear than I usually wear, as opposed to anything that anyone would actually use in an athletic competition. I was not told to shave my scrotum before the procedure, but I did anyway.

Dec 29 - The Procedure
I have all of this week of from work.

Monday. Appointment at 4:15. So I can spend the whole day stressing about it. Arrive at the urology clinic (in a strip mall) at maybe 4:05. The place is busy and I am brought into the "OR" at maybe 4:45. A nurse asks me sign a consent form. I notice a space for my spouse's signature. She is in the waiting room, but I think that blank is a formality... The nurse asks me to disrobe below the waist and lie on the table. She turns on some lighting and lays the instruments to be used out on a stainless steel tray on a cart. She gives me a "blanket", that I think was a cheap knockoff of Brawney in a twin blanket size. It is cold in there, maybe 63F, tops. She also slaps a large (maybe 8.5" x 11") electrode for the electrocautery machine on my outer right thigh.

"Any metal plates in you?"
"No."

Then I wait until about 5:30. The doctor and nurse/surgical tech come in. They ask if I want to watch TV. I put on the 5 o'clock news to distract me. I don't watch the news on TV.

Dec 29, 5:35 PM EST - poo poo gets real
At this point, my heart was beating out of my chest. My best attempts to take my own pulse were something like 160 BPM. I have my darkest sunglasses on and my eyes closed. They pull some surgical drapes over my junk.

Quick interjection: I think I had the relatively old school procedure. With needle. With scalpel. One new scrotum-hole. Dissolving sutures.

The Betadyne was cold, so cold. Next was the first shot of novocaine to the balls. That really hurt for about 5 seconds. After that, the rest of the procedure just felt uncomfortable. Lots of tugging on things and strange sensations that weren't painful per se, but my brain kept saying "that don't feel right." The electrocautery machine makes a terrible sound - like an old "buzzbox" welder. The smell isn't bad exactly, but you don't want to smell your own nuts roasting. I wasn't looking, but what I assume was the actual snip with a pair of surgical shears felt very uncomfortable, but not painful. The procecure took maybe 20 minutes, plus maybe 5 minutes of cleanup. Also, the doctor put both severed sections of the vas deferens into sample jars to send to a pathology lab and verify that everything went OK. Can any medical goons say if this is common? I asked at one point, "Are we at least half done?" and he said "I'm sewing up the skin now." Great. The nurse does her best not to laugh at my "athletic supporter" and I'm dressed and out the door in a few minutes.

My wife drives me to the nearby CVS. I've got a scrip for a 5 day course of cehpalosporin and what I consider to be a lot of narcotics (20x Tylenol w/ 30 mg Codine). We go home.

Next few days - The recovery

Short answer: Went great. The worst parts are all peripheral. The antibiotic gave me diahrrea for ~36 hours and my appetite has been low. The sutures feel a bit uncomfortable but nothing big. Worst blue balls ever for a while, but I agree with the goon who said sex drive is reduced. Have been spending much of my time in the computer chair or on the couch watching Netflix.

Evening after: Iced it on and off for 20-30 minutes with frozen peas. Would highly recommend. Took no painkillers of any sort other than a couple of beers and some KB. Slept poorly. Jock was uncomfortable and had a lot on my mind. No real pain, just somewhat sore. I agree with the poster who mentioned it feels like too much excercise. No bleeding. Bacitracin ointment today and tomorrow.

Next day: My wife was awesome and cooked me meals. Over her protests, I kept walking up and down the stairs to go from the computer room to smoke cigarettes outside. Iced on and off throughout the day. Wore a "jock" under briefs. Walking a bit bow-legged.

New Year's Eve: My cousin and his wife come over. I drink heavily. No icing. Jock under briefs. Gait is much closer to normal.

New Year's Day. Bad hangover, but otherwise OK. Go out to lunch. Minimal soreness, not much to mention.

January 2nd - Masturbated early AM. Felt a bit weird, a smidge of pain, but kept my sanity. It was the longest I had gone without ejaculating in more than 20 years. By that time, my wife was irritated with what a horndog I was. To quote the late Bill Hicks, "[When I came,] it was like a wax dart." Had sex in the evening and did well. Orgasms feel a little different, but I think its mostly soreness and swelling. To go off of what a previous goon posted, does anybody know what causes the testicles to draw closer to the body before orgasm? Do they pull up by the vas or are there other connections to those muscles? Pretty sure this will be back to normal soon enough.

January 3rd - Masturbated again. Going to take it a bit easy, but doing well. Last dose of antibiotoic is in ~2 hours.

January 4th - Done with antibiotics and appetite has returned with a vengance. No pain, aside from a bit of discomfort when the sutures kind of catch on my underwear. Can't wait for them to disolve. Sex again, made me a tiny bit tender, but orgasm felt 90% of the way to normal.

Future - We'll see how this goes, but it seems to be doing well. Infection and complications are unlikely by now. I have little pangs of soreness and tenderness occasionally, but it's barely been six days and it's totally mild. Not looking forward to going back to work, but the vasectomy has nothing to do with that. Can't wait for the all-clear on the sperm count. Haven't got the bill, but it should cost ~$550, but I have lovely insurance and my employer gives me $600 in an HSA, so out of pocket cost should be about zero.

Would do again.

e: fixed grammar mistake

DC to Daylight fucked around with this message at 01:11 on Jan 5, 2015

# ? Jan 5, 2015 01:07

JIZZ DENOUEMENT: Oct 3, 2012; STRIKE!

I don't want kids. I have never wanted kids. If space jesus came down and said "Jizz Denouement, if you become a dad I will totally cure cancer", then I would adopt.

But assuming space jesus wanted me to reproduce my specific genetic material, how successful is freezing spunk and then artificially inseminating? Did any of you blank-club members do a bank deposit before the procedure?

It seems like some of you had procedures where you were put completely under. How common is that? How easy was it to get the knocked out surgery? I really don't want to be awake when they pull tubes out of my scrote.

# ? Jan 6, 2015 01:28

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 18, 2024 16:22

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

JIZZ DENOUEMENT posted:

I don't want kids. I have never wanted kids. If space jesus came down and said "Jizz Denouement, if you become a dad I will totally cure cancer", then I would adopt.

But assuming space jesus wanted me to reproduce my specific genetic material, how successful is freezing spunk and then artificially inseminating? Did any of you blank-club members do a bank deposit before the procedure?

I did not, and I don't know how successful it is. Eventually things will get to the point where sperm isn't even needed to fertilize an egg with genetic material.

JIZZ DENOUEMENT posted:

It seems like some of you had procedures where you were put completely under. How common is that? How easy was it to get the knocked out surgery? I really don't want to be awake when they pull tubes out of my scrote.

I would say uncommon, this is strictly outpatient stuff and while you might find a guy who can knock you out or put you under twilight anesthesia it isn't something you can typically see let alone watch since the doc puts up surgical drapes and poo poo while he's servicing you.

I say find a urologist who's done a few thousand snips and carries a good conversation while working. General anesthesia (or the pre-op Valium normally on offer for that matter) just complicates stuff.

# ? Jan 6, 2015 03:49

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Vasectomy Megathread - The First Cut is the Deepest!

«‹›7 »